Dating After Divorce: Where Are You Hiding Your Spirit?

Today I had a Feng Sui and Space Clearing Practitioner come to my home. This is what I call serious “Spring Cleaning” to help remove old or stagnant energy and make room for something new and fabulous! I do this every once in a while to make sure the energy keeps moving and remains harmonized for the most fortuitous outcomes. Krista also provided a bit of Feng Shui advice as well.

As we walked through the house, she asked me questions about my intentions and obstacles that I may have encountered recently. Towards the end, we entered my office. She walked around the tight space, asking questions and looking at everything. We talked about the meaning of some objects, cleaning up one of the corners and getting some new art for the walls.

Then she looked behind my leather chair to see a frame stuck between the wall and the bookcase. Krista looked at me and asked quizzically, “What’s this?” I responded, “Oh, that’s a collage I did years ago representing my spirit. Her mouth dropped open as she said, “This is how you treat your spirit?”

Honestly, I had to laugh – we both did. Can you imagine? This seems silly. After all, it’s just a framed collage I created 21 years ago. What’s the big deal? But from her reading of the energy, she picked this up as a block in my energy flow.

Fast Forward to Dating: If you have ever read my blog or newsletter, you know that to me,  all life is like dating. So, this lead me to wonder; where in your dating life might you be hiding your spirit? Good question isn’t it? Makes you pause to come up with an answer.

Here are some ways you might be hiding your spirit:

  • You are so focused on finding love, its making you miserable
  • You are trying so hard to be the right woman, you forget who you really are
  • You have made yourself over so many times, you’ve lost touch with your true sense of style
  • You’ve been hurt so deeply, you don’t even look for love
  • You want to capture his attention so badly, you diminish your spirit, hoping that will work
  • You think who you are isn’t good enough, so you pretend to be someone you’re not
  • You’ve been so disappointed, you have given up on finding real love
  • You no longer appreciate or trust men, and “man-bash” in your conversations with other women

Each one of these statements demonstrates a way you might be holding back or hiding your true self. As a dating coach for women who are dating over 40 and dating after divorce, I can tell you this is a terrible shame. Hiding your spirit will not make you more attractive. In fact, it could make you LESS attractive.

Even though women are famous for wanting to change men, men are known to be more accepting of who you are right now. That means, you can score more points by being yourself – albeit your BEST self. But, finding love does not require you to be someone you are not.

I walked downstairs with Krista, taking my collage with me. Then I took down a print near the front door, and hung up the collage of my spirit. It looks great there and every time I walk down those stairs, I will be able to honor and appreciate my being as I look upon the visual interpretation of my spirit.

As your dating coach, I ask you to think of ways in which you can honor yourself daily. Whether its taking time to put scented body lotion on your skin, taking a bubble bath, or  eating a square of super dark chocolate after dinner, find some way to appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, you make it much easier for others do the same.

Consider how you may be hiding your spirit in your life and in dating. Next, find ways to let your true self shine. Last but not least, give yourself permission to do this exercise with gusto, because honey, you’re worth it!

If you live near New Haven, CT and are interested in Feng Shui and Space Clearing, visit Krista’s website for more information. She is amazing.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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