Dating After Divorce: What If I Don’t Want to Invest in Getting to Know Him?

Did you ever meet someone, get asked out on a date and then wonder if you want to invest time in getting to know him?

Last week, one of my dating after divorce coaching clients came to me with this problem. She had met a nice guy who asked her out. but between the time she met him and her date with him, Vanessa started to vacillate on how good a candidate he really was. With this uncertainty building, Vanessa asked me what to do, since time is a precious commodity. She just can’t see wasting time with a guy who might not be “the one.”

I found this question troubling. Here’s why:

How can you know if someone is a good prospect if you won’t take the time to get to know him? This is a real problem.

Certainly I recognize that everyone is busy. There is just so much to get done and time is short. But, how can you get to know a man if you won’t take the time to do so? There is no way to short cut the process. Getting to know people is THE ONLY WAY TO GET TO KNOW THEM.

Did you say, “Duh?” Yet, some of my dating coaching clients don’t get it. They want to try to figure out if the person is perfect before they take the time to talk to him. That just won’t work.

But here’s what it will do for you:


 Yes it will. Because when you don’t give yourself permission to get to know men, you can’t find the right one for you.

Here’s another reason why it’s important to allot time to get to know men.  IT’S A WAY TO HONOR YOURSELF.  That’s right. Taking time to meet, date and get to know men, demonstrates that you honor yourself and your desire to find love. When you cut yourself short because you don’t have time, you don’t respect your own dreams of love. No kidding.

If you desire a romantic partner – it will take your time, energy and attention. You can say that most of it will be wasted.  You could think about the million things you could be getting done rather than wasting time talking to some guy who might not be Mr. Right. But, I strongly disagree with both statements. Investing time in making your dreams come true is never a waste .

My matchmaker friend Nicole of Compatibles in Vermont says this to her clients, “No one ever looks back after finding love and thinks they wasted time.” Instead, they look back and recognize the miracle of love and how worthwhile it was to invest their time and money to make that desire a reality.

Next time you are out with a man, give him your full attention no matter what he’s like. Find ways to be delightful. Practice flirting.  Enjoy that you are free from doing all those mundane things and are supporting your dream of love. Relish that glass of wine or a nce dinner. Feel that you are the most attractive, desirable woman on the planet . Believe love is possible and real for you, regardless of the man before you.

Play the game and find ways to enjoy it – even if it means telling a good story about how crazy your date really was. When you can find pleasure in your situation, you send out the needed signals to the Universe that you are open to and ready for love. Stop grumbling about all the time you are wasting – that will never produce the results you desire.

When you act as if love is possible, you will attract it that much faster. That’s the Law of Attraction at work. Work it baby work it.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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