Do you think all single men are the same?
Being a dating coach for 10 years now, I have noticed a trend which frankly troubles me. Many women who are dating after divorce don’t respect men. They don’t value, like or appreciate men. You can tell by how they speak about men – both the new men they meet and the ones from the past.
Now its understandable. Divorce is very hard and these women have been hurt, disappointed, cheated on, controlled, and/or lied to, etc. As a result, they expect men to not be good people. I’m going to blame TV, movies and the media too – just think of Lifetime TV.
Yet, and this is very important, these same women dating after divorce want to find a loving man as a romantic partner. Now, I can tell you this is a problem of tremendous proportions for so many reasons.
1. If you don’t like, respect, or appreciate men, why do you want one in your life? This creates an unresolved conflict within your mind.
2. If you generalize that all men stink, you lump the good with the bad and limit your opportunities.
3.If you bash men as a source of entertainment with girlfriends, you reinforce that there are no good men. This belief gets into your subconscious mind and influences your experiences.
4. Your belief that there are no good men becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When Dating After Divorce, Man Bashing Prevents You from Finding Love
You see, its the human condition to want to be right. So, when you believe all men stink, you look for evidence to support this, so you can be right. You point it out to a friend after a first date saying, “The guy was a jerk just like all the other guys.” Does that sound familiar? You have just made your point again – there are no good single men.
So I ask you, do you think this belief is serving your quest to find a decent man to love. Nope! But it sure will perpetuate you experience that all men are unworthy and can’t be trusted.
But, can this really be true of ALL MEN? Do all men deserve this treatment? If you are at all interested in truth, you cannot honestly believe all men are bad. Some, but not ALL.
Man Bashing Is a Bad Habit
If you deeply desire love, this bad habit of man bashing requires transformation. A few men may hurt you. But NOT EVERY MAN. There are good men out there. Your belief that this is true will help you find the good ones. But without this belief, you are lost.
How can you turn this thinking around? Consider the men you do like – your brothers, uncles, nephews, fathers’ grandfathers, sons, friends’ husbands, colleagues, neighbors, There have got to be a few good ones. What do you admire and appreciate about these men as human beings?
When you change this habit to speak well of men, you demonstrate to the Universe that you respect men. This gives you an advantage over other women, because so many women have lost their respect for men.
So please stop the man bashing. Look for the good in men and you will find it. Notice what they do that is caring, sweet, loving and desirable. This is how you create positive feelings about men. You will be more open and far more attractive energetically to the good men out there. If you are serious about finding love, and are guilty of man bashing, take this giant step towards love today.
Photo Credit: snow0810
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Hey Mickey – You know of course I am anti- man bashing right? That’s the point of the blog post.
To tell the truth, I think football is America’s favorite sport for both men and women, but thanks for chiming in.
Not too long ago, the following items were actually published:
1) There was a book on the New York Times Best Seller list called “Are Men Necessary?”
2) About a year ago, there was a headline article in the New York Daily News called “Why New York City Men Suck.”
3)About 2 or 3 years ago, there was an article in the Chronicle of Higher Education called “Who Needs Men?”
Is there any doubt that male bashing is today’s most popular sport?
Let’s reverse the situation: if any of the above titles were along the lines of “Why We Don’t Need Women”, and written by a man, I guarantee that the author would have been vilified, strung up, and run out of town for being a misogynist. That’s assumung that such a publication would even see the light of day.
Gender equality indeed!!!
“But they cannot judge ALL MEN by the one who left.”
THAT’S PRECISELY WHAT THEY DO!!!
Hi Mickey – yes they do and many men do the same thing. Gender equality please.
Ronnie,
I agree with you that, there are many woman that men bash after mess divorce or break-up, there are a fair few of us that have kept prayer and never lashing out at our x-husbands. For my marriage we had reached our 25 yr annv. and he moved on. Did I cry? oh yes, I cried…alot; life moved forward pain started to fade. I still have My Jesus, and my loving grown son’s and grandson’s so, dating? really I believe I must meet gentelmen first right LOL…I work most of the time and school at night. I have no idea of the dating scene. I have said all that to say this. As I was reading your artical on dating after divorce. Please, hear me, I felt attacked lumped in some way to all divorced woman. So, if hurting woman hurt or lash out as you say, Then might I suggest respectfully, please understand that, I feel man bashing is wrong as well, and those ladies are in no way ready for dating or relationship. One last thing, mother and wife is all I knew, so single… Well not sure what to say…
Respectfully,
Stacy in Ocala
Hi Stacy,
What’s interesting to me is that you see what I wrote as attacking all divorced women. You are entitled to your anger although not my intention. My point is that if divorced women want to find love again, they need to like and respect men again. Perhaps not the man who wronged or left them. But they cannot judge ALL MEN by the one who left.
As you say you were a wife and mother. But first you were a woman and still are. So as a woman, you are entitled to look for love again IF you want it. Now you might not want it and I respect that choice. My point here is that if divorced women who say they want love, really do want love, the anger has to dissolved first. I wish you all the best.