Are you dating after divorce? You can learn a lot in this post about the 3 huge mistakes Luci makes on Bravo TV’s Jersey Belle.
Have you seen Bravo TV’s Jersey Belle? A highly entertaining reality show featuring a Jamie Sullivan whose snappy sense of humor reminds me of a happier Bethany Frankel. We follow Jamie through life as a celebrity publicist, housewife, mom and girlfriend in Mountain Brook, a rich suburb of Birmingham, AL.
Her friends are charming Southern belles who some how manage to find her brazen comments and loud ways endearing. And to me as a Northerner – they are endearing. I love Jamie – she is fabulous! Now onward to the love and dating stuff.
Dating After Divorce Isn’t Easy
Jamie’s friend Luci is newly divorced. I find her puzzling, as does Jamie with her upfront and practical way of looking at life. Luci loves everything monogrammed and is still decorating items with the initial from her last name – although it’s her ex husband’s last name. Hmm, that seems like a waste of money since she clearly hopes to remarry as quickly as possible.
Next, Luci has been dating a man from out of town who spends plenty of time with her and her children. He moved many comfort’s of home to her abode including his giant TV. After just four months, Luci felt things were getting pretty serious and she was just starting to tell people she thought for sure her man was going to take the plunge and move to Mountain Brooke.
Sadly, in the very next scene, she’s crying, talking to Jamie on her cell while driving to see her. Luci’s sad breakup story pours out while they sit on Jamie’s king size bed.
Apparently Luci had a long hard week and after dinner with her kids and beau, all she wanted to do was lie in bed and read. After 20-minutes, her boyfriend looks over at her and said, “Really are you still reading?” Seems he wanted her attention, but Luci was spent. She literally said her well was dry and didn’t have another ounce to give.
Turns out the boyfriend is a bachelor who didn’t understand what it takes to be a single working mom. So, he packed up his stuff immediately and stomped off to wherever he came from. Cut to commentary by Jamie who says to the camera, “I saw this coming.”
3 Lessons from Luci’s Breakup
Here’s what I think every single women dating after divorce can learn from Luci’s sobbing Southern belle breakup:
1. Take things slowly. Seriously, what is the rush? I know you want to be all settled in love with the right man, but getting to know each other takes time. This is not some wives tale – it’s a fact of life and love. It takes time to see a person in every mood and how he might handle whatever comes up.
2. Maintain your own life. Since you don’t know how things will turn out, even when they look good, keep some of the semblance of your own life in tact. This way, if you do break up, you don’t have to rebuild your old life while recovering from a breakup.
3. Men need your attention. Yes, you need your own space and time to take care of yourself. But don’t think you can ignore a new guy when he comes to visit. He spends time with you to have your focus and attention. It’s possible Luci’s mindset had moved into marriage mode where a husband would understand the need for a bit of space. Too bad her new man wasn’t in the same mindset.
This is a classic relationship issue. If Luci was taking things slowly, she wouldn’t have tried to blend him into her life before the relationship could withstand the accompanying stress. Neither person was really wrong here – but circumstances could have been handled better to avoid this breakup.
If you are too tired to give your date the attention he wants and deserves,, then reschedule and take care of yourself and sleep. Or, do what you can to arrange your day to make space for him. Otherwise your guy will see that he is not your priority – no one wants to feel that way. You don’t either.
When you are dating after divorce, you have to remember the men you meet did not experience life with your children since birth. So a new man’s relationship with you and your children wouldn’t be like it was with your ex. For some, that is good news. But keep in mind, blending a family takes time and the four month mark is way too soon to be shooting for family fusion.
Give a new relationship time to solidify before you make a man part of your family. It may seem like things would be so much easier if he could just hang around with you and your kids, but that won’t be his priority up front. Give yourself and the man you are getting to know plenty of adult relationship building time to make the most of your potential together.
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