One of my clients recently asked me if there are any topics of conversation she should avoid when first getting to know a new guy. You bet there are!
The most important thing to keep in mind is that your first conversation and the first few dates, you are really trying out for the job of girlfriend. As you know from interviewing, you always want to show your best self and keep the focus there. That’s why you wouldn’t think of complaining about your boss, the company or talking about problems.
Same thing is true for dating! Why would you think a new man would be attracted to you if you spend your time complaining about…anything?
Here are a few topics to most definitely avoid during the beginning “get-to-know-you” phase with a new man:
1. Your Ex
Whether you have an ex-boyfriend or husband, leave him home and out of the conversation. Don’t air your dirty laundry right up front. Of course at some point you will share war stories. But leave them until later. First concentrate on why you are a great catch by being upbeat and fun to be with!
If you have health concerns, they may way heavy on your mind. That’s ‘s understandable. But before you go filling in all the details, remember that people need to know you a bit before they are ready for intimate details. Don’t over share or inform at the start of getting to know someone new. If you do, there’s a name for that – it’s called “TMI” – too much information, and it’s a big turn off.
Let someone get to know the good parts about you before you share your concerns. Often when people know and start to like you, other details don’t land quite as hard. Give people a chance to like you first.
You may have financial woes weighing you down, but a new man is not the one to share this with either. Once again – TMI. He may think, even if its mistakenly, that you are seeking a knight in shining armor to save you. Don’t put pressure on a guy with over sharing your personal details. If you do, you can watch him run just after you finish describing all your problems.
4. Kids – Family
Your kids are the center of your Universe, as they should be. But a new man or any man for that matter, want s to think, at least in some small way, he can be king of your castle. All that means is that men want to feel important – just the same way you want to feel this way.
But if you go one and on about your children and give him the impression that they keep you so busy and are your total priority in life, you become immediately less attractive. Make your first few conversations and dates all about just the two of you and leave your kids out of it. Talk about them briefly – sure! They are your kids after all. Just don’t drone on about the soccer games and grades etc. Or discipline problems either for that matter. Stay positive and focus on the two of you!
5. Dating Horror Stories
No matter what, do not succumb to sharing your dating horror stories. If you have a lot of bad dating experiences or even just a few, keep them to yourself. Otherwise you may open yourself up to his thinking< “why is she having so much trouble? She seems like a good person and is attractive. Am I missing something? Maybe I should stay away?”
Just don’t go there! Even if the man brings this up, switch to another topic quickly and don’t share too much. The Truth is men who are interested in you don’t really want to know that much about your history. Women always want to know, but men are not like us. Keep this part of your life a mystery for the best results unless asked a direct question
You may have a fabulous career you love or a job that pays the bills. Either way, a woman who is all work and not enough play is not attractive. I’m not suggesting you have to hide your success. But try not to define yourself in only one dimension. You may find your work exhilarating, but to others..it might not be nearly as intriguing.Tell him something about your job – sure! But don’t stay there too long or you do run the risk of being a bit boring.
The point is – you want to talk about fun, interesting, positive topics that make you stand out as a great catch. So steer clear of these taboo topics to ensure you come across as your best possible self from the beginning.
If you are wondering what the heck is left to talk about, try any of these topics:
Food, vacation/travel, hobbies, sports, exercise, fond childhood memories, books, movies, news (but not politics) and anything fun!
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