YOU go on a date with a nice guy. You send him a cute note thanking him for the evening. Seems like the right thing to do, after all, you want him to know you’re interested. You want him to know you’d like to see him again .
I even sent a guy a small gift after a particularly good first date. Just to reinforce what a great catch I was.
Then you don’t hear from him over the next week or two. You start to wonder. Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he’s out of town. Maybe it’s something you said. You wants to call to say “Hi.” Nothing serious, just get into a friendly conversation and ask him how things are going. Being friendly. Moving the ball forward.
Know what I learned after doing this?
It doesn’t work.
The strategy is ALL WRONG.
I learned my lessons the hard way – by living them. But you don’t have to. You can read what this dating coach has to say and learn what work so much better.
Think about dating in a new way . There’s a dating strategy to find the right man for you. A guy who knows what he wants and he wants is YOU. He is ready for a relationship.
How are you going to find this type of man? Well, it actually takes less effort. What? Less effort? How can that be? The first thing to understand: Chasing men does not work. So what does work?
Ballroom dancing. What has that got to do with dating? Everything!
How many leaders per couple in ballroom dancing? Just one. How many followers? Just one and as a woman, that’s your role. What if you both want to lead? POWER STRUGGLE! And he’ll lose interest quickly. Men like to chase, not be chased. It’s the law of the jungle and dating is still an archaic mating ritual. The more you fight this, the more you struggle and feel frustrated.
I know this is hard to take in. We are emancipated! We are equals! That may be true, but the part you are missing is that WE ARE NOT THE SAME. A visual example of this is the Yin/Yang symbol from Eastern philosophy. Equal black and white paisally-shaped pieces fit into each other to make a bigger whole. The pieces are the same size but they are not totally the same – they are mirror images.
So, if you want a man to act like the man, you have to let HIM be the man. You have to let him lead. Not for eternity . But for the first phase of dating which is some where between 4-10 dates, depending on the couple. After that, everything starts to rebalance.
The purpose of dating is to gather data. But when you take the lead, you cannot get any information about what man will do without your prompting. And that is the only behavior that matters!
As a woman, you want to know what he’ll do to win you over. How he’ll try to please you, impress you , get to know you. If you call him, ask him out, or pay, you won’t know when he would have called or if he’s generous. You can’t collect any reliable data about a man when you pursue. That’s how you find a guy who is ambivalent, who doesn’t follow through, who is unrelaible. Do the work for him and he won’t have to …He can be lazy because you’ll pick up the slack! We women can be such accomodating work horses.
Stop doing all the work! Let men step up to the plate and then you’ll know if he’s really interested in you. Your job as a woman is to share your attention and the pleasure of your company.That’s it! If he likes you, he WILL CALL YOU. He will text or email. He will ask you out and pay for the first few dates.
Let men chase you and watch how your results shift.