Dating After 40: Deal Breakers for Men and Women

Dating Deal Breakers

Do you have a list of dating deal breakers? These are things about a man that you won’t tolerate. I hope you do, but if not, it’s time to make one up.

This isn’t a list of the 40 irritating things guys have done in your past. These are the narrow few, completely intolerable behaviors which you never want to experience again in this life time.

Let me get you started with a few items that you might want to avoid. These are based on bad experiences you’ve had that you don’t want to repeat.

1. Under-handed behaviors (lying, cheating, etc.)
2. Addictive habits (too much smoking, drinking, gambling)
3. Lazy, couch potato
4. Broke, unemployed and not looking (it’s different if he’s looking)
5. Disrespectful or abusive
6. Trouble with the law
7. Not emotionally available
8. Performance issues (untreated ED, etc.)
9. Stingy, bigoted, opinionated, etc.

That covers most major infractions.

Now the chances that you’ve encountered all of these things is extremely low. So don’t put them all on your list. Just choose the  ones that you have encountered. And feel free to put something on your list that I didn’t mention.

When you keep a list of what you don’t want, as well as a list of what you DO want, then you are clear with the kind of man you want to MANifest. While you might read the list of qualities you are seeking every day to build your belief in your ability to attract such a great guy, don’t do this with the deal breaker list.

As a dating coach for women over 40, I often explain to my clients how you don’t want to MANifest your deal breakers. The process can work in the negative if you focus too much on what you don’t want. The Universe can get confused because it responds to what you pay attention to. There’s a saying in Hawaiian Shamanism that states, “Energy flows where attention goes”.  Better to focus on what you DO want!

Now that we’ve covered what you want and don’t want and your specific deal breakers, what about the men? What deal breakers do they have about women?

According to April Beyer, matchmaker and dating coach, she says these are the top three:

1. An overly independent woman who doesn’t know how to turn off “the boss”
2. A woman who isn’t flexible
3. A woman who doesn’t take care of herself physically

As a dating coach for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce, one thing I know from my own dating journey and from speaking with my male clients, is that men don’t ever want to compete with you as a woman.That kills any possible romance.  

Men might have to compete with you at work, but when they see you, they want your feminine energy. Kindness, sweetness, warmth, connection and appreciation. So, ladies, please find a way to turn off the “chick in charge” when you go out with a man. Once he’s off duty, he doesn’t want to be in that work mode.

Men also want a woman who can be flexible about plans, ideas, etc. Can you go with the flow at least sometimes? Can you be spontaneous on occasion? This means a lot to a man and can earn you big points in his book.

The last one is rather obvious. Even if you gain a few pounds, you can still wear nice clothes, stay up to date with your hair and makeup, and maintain your sense of style. Exercise, which is good for your health and looks, eat well, get enough rest so you can be your best. Besides the fact that when you look good, you feel good, you’ll keep him interested and appreciating you. A woman who loves herself, honors herself by taking good care of herself.

Now that you’ve got the inside scoop on the top deal breakers for men, as your dating coach, I ask you to please do some soul searching. Assess if you exhibit these behaviors and then make the changes needed so you can get more second dates!

Photo Credit: Leo Reynolds

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

3 thoughts on “Dating After 40: Deal Breakers for Men and Women”

  1. Fair enough “m”. I get the possibility. A lot depends on how many men you have dated and how long you’ve been dating right? I’m very glad to hear that you didnt’ encountered everything in ONE guy. Whew!

  2. “Now the chances that you’ve encountered all of these things is extremely low. ”

    In our modern world, I don’t think the chance a given woman has encountered all these things is all that low. Especially in an urban environment, and/or if she travels a lot.

    The chance may be low that she’s encountered all these things in one person … but the chance she’s seen them all at least once in her life — if not with men she’s dated, then with men she’s considered because they’ve been introduced and/or recommended? I’d say it’s 50-50.


Leave a Comment