Dating Advice for Women – Why Do I Pick the Wrong Guy?

I’ve had a flood of emails lately about understanding men and am happy to share my dating advice for women with you. Picking the wrong men is a problem countless single women face on a daily basis.

dating advice for womenDating Advice for Women about Picking Men

Is this a problem you have, picking the wrong guy?

At first he probably seems like the right guy because you wouldn’t go for the wrong guy intentionally would you? I know this does happen. Women tell me they just can’t help who they find attractive. I beg to differ on that. You absolutely do have a choice.

What qualities are you seeking in a man? Let’s make a list – this is sort of the average of what the majority of women want.

Superficial Qualities

  • 6 feet tall
  • Still has hair
  • Fit and trim
  • Makes lots of money
  • Nice car, nice house
  • Sense of style – nice clothes
  • Twinkle in his eye = charm


  • Alpha male
  • Makes you laugh
  • Passionate about his job
  • Kind
  • Likes to travel
  • Likes to try new food
  • Similar interests
  • Sense of humor


  • Religious (or non-religious)
  • Family-oriented
  • Volunteers
  • Honest
  • Loyal & faithful

These are the elements most women want – or a combination of them. But here’s a big one most women tend to overlook:

Is he relationship ready?

If you meet a man who dazzles you with charm and wit, you may have a good time. But how do you know he’s the right man? How do you know he wants a relationship; the same kind of relationship that you want?

See, the amazing thing is that most men will actually tell you what they want or where they are at regarding dating. Many tell you right up front on the phone or first date. But the big question is – Will you listen?

Men say things about dating like:

  1. I’m just out of a breakup and need space but we could see how things go
  2. I’m not looking for a relationship, but wouldn’t mind getting to know you
  3. My job is all consuming and very hectic, but let’s see what happens
  4. I never wanted to marry, but am more open up to the idea than I ever have been
  5. Marriage isn’t on my bucket list, but if I met the right woman who knows

This is the stuff you want to pay close attention too. Any sentence about relationships that includes the word “but”.

Many Women Are Eternal Optimists

Unfortunately, most women only hear the part after the word “but”. So they hear, “Let’s see how things go.” Or “if I met the right woman”. Turns out most women are practically eternal optimists and this is a HUGE PIECE of picking the wrong guy.

After working with thousands of women, I know the common denominator here. In your mind you think these thoughts in response to his statement:

  1. OK he needs space after a breakup – that’s makes sense. He’ll get to know me while recovering so I’ll be here when he’s ready.
  2. He doesn’t want a relationship, but once he gets to know me and falls in love it will be great!
  3. He’s got a great job and makes good money so I can  hang in there until he has more time to spend with me.
  4. He’s finally coming around to the idea of marriage – I’m lucky he’s interested me at this time!
  5. I’m the right woman so no problem!

2 Unfortunate Reasons Why You Pick the Wrong Men

1. You Interpret What Men Say to Hear What You Want to Hear

The trouble is, in a woman’s mind, you often translate what a man says. And somehow you make it sound more like what you want to hear. Hey, I did this too before I got smart about dating. It was so upsetting but I got clear about men were really saying and then I could spot one of these guys pretty quickly.

Chances are, if you continually pick the wrong men, you are not clearly hearing what they are telling you. Take their words at face value. If he says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship – HE MEANS WITH YOU.

2. You Accept Poor Treatment

The other problem about picking the wrong guys is that they treat you poorly and you take it. Often this is because you think there are no better men out there. Or that there aren’t ANY other men to date. Both of these reasons are scarcity based and not true, no matter how true it seems.

If you really want to pick the right guy, pay attention to who treats you well. Which guy is attentive? Who tries to please you? Who calls to see you got home safely? Many women steer clear of the nice guys who would actually make fabulous life partners. But these same men might not be super smooth, ultimately charming or extremely handsome.

Do Not Settle

I’m not talking about settling for substandard men. I’m trying to get you to place more value on a good man vs. a charming man. The flashy guys get the girls. Then they get the next girls. Get it? If you are ready to pick the right man, give the good guys a chance. They will likely surprise you, grow on you and love you like you deserve to be loved. And that’s my dating advice for women who always pick the wrong guys.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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