My client Sharon called in for her monthly coaching appointment last night. We talked about how things were going on her dating journey. What had she done to find the love she wants?
Surprisingly, Sharon had done very little. She did have a number of excellent excuses. For example: work was really busy, she’s remodeling her home and she had several family outings. So, I asked her point blank, "Where does dating and meeting the right man for you fall in your list of priorities?"Sharon responded that it was number three or four.
My next question made a big impact, "Where does this goal need to be to actually make something happen this spring/summer? Is what you’re currently doing working?" "Not really," Sharon begrudgingly admitted.
Sharon is like so many of my clients who say one thing, yet do another. This is the human condition. Who knows why? Is Sharon afraid of rejection? Tired of making the effort? Sick of dating? Worried her efforts will be wasted because the likelihood of meeting the right man is so small?
Do these thoughts sound familiar? This is the research I’ve been doing, working hard to understand what will motivate women to step it up and take dating seriously. Without the intention to make dating a higher priority, nothing much will happen. Looking for love is just like any goal. It requires a plan and taking action. You have to meet men to weed through the prospects to find the right one for you.
And I’ve come to a new conclusion about this lack of motivation and what can be done about it. Take a deep breath now…
Stop worrying if every single night out or speed dating or email will produce. Instead, it’s time to shift gears. This is what I proposed to Sharon and she went for it.
For a change this season, what if you decided to have your most flirty, friendly, fun-filled, time of your life? If you meet him or not isn’t the point. The point is to step up your allure, start thinking of yourself as a desirable woman and interact with men. Lots of men! Imagine what that would be like?
The truth is anyone can do this. And anyone can have fun with this process. But it is a CHOICE. Because you could also choose to leave everything status quo. You can do something once or twice a month and not meet many men. You can continue to complain or say it’s just too hard. You can let time slip by as you put this off.
Tick Tock. That’s the days of your life, your time slipping by without you doing anything to satisfy your deep desire to have a loving relationship. Believe me, I wish I could do this for you. But all I can do is write these articles or coach you individually and cheer you on from the side lines.
I can make a BIG PROMISE however and I will do so right here and now. If you decide, like Sharon, that you are ready to have the spring/summer of your life from a flirty, fun perspective, YOU CAN DO IT!
This is a completely possible and very do-able goal and just think of how much fun it can be! What if you shored up your confidence so you knew without question that men find you attractive, got to be good at flirting and met lots of men? What if you noticed that men appreciate you, want to talk with you, and desire you? What would that be like?
Admit it – it would be a total blast – and you can’t deny it!
Helen of Troy had the power to launch a thousand ships for a battle that is still being told today, thousands of years later. All you have to do is dress up, adopt the right mindset and get out there to meet people.
Do it. Start right now. There’s nothing in your way but you. Get out there and have the most amazing warm weather season of your romantic life. I know you can do it. And it will be totally worthwhile when you look back, I promise.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.