Are you dating a separated man? That’s one of the toughest relationship situations. Here’s why his unfinished divorce is a huge problem that can keep you single and make it so much harder to get a commitment from him.
The Trauma of Dating a Separated Man
Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,
I’ve been seeing this guy for six months now and I really like him. He’s the perfect guy for me in so many ways. He’s smart, good looking, has a great job, and we have so much in common. The problem is he’s super busy. He gets pulled in different directions by his job, his kids, his ex, his friends, etc. so I don’t get to see him that often.
His divorce won’t be finalized for several more months and that takes up a lot of his time too. He did tell me from the start that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. But we met and it just happened. Do you think I’m just a rebound girlfriend for him? I don’t know what to do and how to make this guy mine.
I”m torn because I feel like I shouldn’t wait around for him. We planned a vacation for this summer and I’m wondering if it will even happen and it I should just back out now. Please help me understand what is happening and what I should do.
Thanks,
Pauline
Hi Pauline,
I know this is hard to hear but the truth is this man is not capable of being in a relationship right now. He has way too much on his plate and he hasn’t had time to heal from the end of his marriage.
Even if he is the perfect man for you, he’s not in a position to be your dream guy. He cannot deliver which is true any time you are dating a separated man. Occasionally the timing is off and there’s nothing that can be done about it besides accepting the fact. I think you can already see this is true.
Don’t Hold Out for Miracles
If a miracle happens and he gets out from under all the things pulling on him, finishes his divorce and wants to see you – great. That would be amazing, especially if you are still on the market. Because you are so right – you cannot wait for him.
There’s a long time between now and July to take that vacation. Please don’t wait for him – that will waste too much of your precious time. Think about your happiness right now and the quality of your relationship as it is currently. In this moment, this relationship is not meeting your needs.
Don’t Put the Right Relationship on Hold for Him
Too many women wait for a guy to change and feel miserable the entire time. That’s a terrible waste and a treacherous emotional roller coaster. Waiting around for a man’s life to resolve, hoping things will be different – these are ways women kid themselves about staying with a man who isn’t relationship ready.
In my dating coaching practice I see women suffer over and over again when dating a separated man. It always leads to heartbreak and doesn’t end well.
Compatibility Requires More than Attraction
Having things in common, being sweet, chemistry and attraction; these are great qualities for a mate, but not enough for love that lasts. Compatibility is a top priority for lasting love and a man who is not on solid ground is not ready for commitment. This makes him incompatible as your life stages are not in sync.
That’s what makes this type of relationship situation so tough. Even though he seems like your ideal mate, he’s not in the right place. He’s not emotionally available with so much unsettled in his life.
What Can You Do about Dating a Separated Man?
The best thing you can do is walk away and leave the door open. Tell him you like him a lot but are moving on with your life. Suggest that when his divorce is final he should contact you if he’s ready for a committed relationship. This way he knows you are reacting to his crazy life, instead of rejecting him personally.
I hope you’ll be wise, choose to move on and date other men. You may never see him again, but are giving yourself the best chance of finding the love you want with a man who is relationship ready. It’s not easy, but it’s really your only sensible choice if you’re serious about finding love.
Wishing you love,
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
