If you want to date online, this post offers some great tips on how to reach out to men and make the first contact.
Last night I was delivering my latest dating seminar Online Dating Kick Start and a great question came up. One participant wanted to know if she needs to wait for men to contact her online. She is concerned about being aggressive or pushy.
A Big Virtual Cocktail Party
As one of my colleagues, Laurie Davis, founder of eFlirtExpert.com says, think of online dating as a big cocktail party. I love this analogy!
Think about it, if you were at a cocktail party, face-to-face with handsome men, would you stand around against the wall hoping one of them would talk to you? I sure hope not! Being friendly is one of the four basics of flirting that I share in Flirt School. (The others are brief eye contact coupled with a smile and acting like you are having a great time.)
Being Friendly Breaks the Ice When You Date Online
When you strike up a conversation with a man, you are breaking the ice which is often much appreciated. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly at all. It’s not pushy. It’s not aggressive. It’s not forward. It’s just friendly! When you are friendly, you make yourself appear far more approachable which is exactly what you want to make it easy for men to meet you.
So to date online, men appreciate that friendliness as well. Trust me, men contact so many women with little or no response. They often have a much harder time connecting online. When you reach out to start a conversation, the guys will be flattered and likely grateful.
When You Date Online, Don’t Get Hung Up on Rejection
Keep in mind, that some won’t answer you. So what! Continue being friendly to new guys and you will find some who definitely want to know more about you. Don’t let a lack of response get to you or drag you down. I want to encourage you not to read into it as rejection. After all, who knows what that guy is up to or looking for. He might be traveling, dating someone else, or not sure what he even wants.
Try hard not to spend a lot of time worrying why someone didn’t respond. Instead, find someone new to contact – that’s so much more productive. The more time you spend in a positive mindset about online dating, the less stress and disappointment you’ll experience.
Back to contacting men. So, what should you say? Choose something from the profile that you have a question about. Then say hi and ask one question. Keep it simple. Or make a comment about something and then ask a question about it. That’s it. If you are comfortable and good at being funny – write something clever. Humor is a great ice breaker.
Here’s What You Don’t Want to Do
- Don’t get into how much you have in common – let him be the judge of that.
- Don’t describe yourself – he can look at your profile. Let him get curious to know more about you.
- Don’t write a long email – boring!
- Don’t ask several questions making it difficult to respond. Make it easy and keep it simple.
Now, being friendly is not the same as asking a man out when you date online. I’m really not a fan of women doing the initiating to that extent. Some women feel they have earned the right to pursue, but in my 12 years experience as a dating coach for women and in my own dating experience, I discovered that things work better when men pursue. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly and flirty.
So, if you want to date online and aren’t getting enough contacts in your inbox, stop waiting around. Reach out and say hi to a few men. Just act like you are at a huge virtual cocktail party and see who you can clock with. keep it light, fun, spontaneous and you’ll get results.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
