Have you tried to date online and felt completely disgusted with the process? You are not alone! So many women tell me how their experiences are just horrid. Let me share a few situations women have told me about.
1. The wrong men email – Beth was very specific about who she was looking to meet in her dating profile. That’s why she could not understand why all the wrong men continually emailed her! Men who were too old, lived far away, didn’t go to college, and didn’t appeal to her contacted her in droves. She wasn’t attracted to any of the guys who reached out to her. And worse, the men she emailed weren’t interested in her either!
2. Out of date photos – Lilly agreed to meet a man for coffee who had a good phone personality. When she got to Barnes & Noble, she looked at every table but couldn’t find her date. Finally an older man waved to her and she realized he was at least 10 years older than his photo online.
3. Virtual relationship – Trish had spent several weekends enjoying a long, deep phone conversation with Bob. He often texted her during the week as well and sent an occasional email. This was so much fun. Only problem was, he’d schedule dates and then something would always come up and he’d cancel and then have to reschedule. She was so excited to meet hi and started to feel frustrated that they hadn’t done so yet.
Can you relate to any of these stories? They are very common and women get very upset when these situations crop up. Once this kind of frustrations build, they often just want to give up the whole thing and get offline completely. This is a shame really because as a dating coach, I can tell you that looking for a date online is one of the fastest ways to jump start your search for love.
Part of the problem is that most women have numerous misconceptions about dating online and how it works. So I want to clear up a few of the biggest issues to help improve your results. When you have a better picture of what is to expect, you will feel better about what happens. Your perception is so important!
How to Date Online with More Success
1. The wrong men email – One thing I can promise you about online dating if you have a decent profile and good photos – lots of men will contact you! And yes, all kinds of men from all over. Let me explain why this is – because men find you attractive! There is no way to limit who contacts you nor do you want that. Never limit the abundance the Universe provides.
My suggestion is to realize these men find you attractive and in your own mind, thank them for showing you this appreciation. Then simply delete their messages. Seriously.
Let go of how the “wrong men” contact you. Anger about this is a waste of time. Most of the men will not be what you want – and the same is true of any method to meet single men. So what! Continue to contact new guys (a few at a time) who you find interesting and answer emails from others that sound good.
2. Out of date photos -Yes, some people lie about their age – both men and women. That’s just the way it is. Some of the people you meet will not be right for you, will lie about their age or weight and likely other things too. This is a slice of the general population so there are no more liars than in any other part of life. Just expect that everyone is not truthful and don’t get all bent out of shape about it. This is another waste of energy.
3. Virtual relationship – There are some people (both men and women) who are happy to text, email and/or call and have deep, intimate conversations. But they are too busy to meet or have other excuses, cancel frequently, etc. Do not get sucked into one of these virtual relationships because they a rarely do become “real”. Sometimes men want limited relationships for any number of reasons – they are seeing someone, married, or not capable of more.
Have one or two phone calls before you meet a man but that is it. Don’t do the marathon phone call or text several times a day. Don’t respond to any of his communications hurriedly – wait, be patient and avoid appearing as a desperate woman. You want a real face-to-face relationship with a man who not only has time to see you but wants to spend time with you. Nothing else is acceptable or counts. Case closed.
OK, I hope that helps to clear up some of your frustration and confusion about finding a date online. remember the statistics show that 20% of all relationship start via the Internet so its worth a shot.
Photo Credit: Leigh Righton
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Lucky me. I have a stalker who not only figured out my identity, due to my small community, but also hates me, paid others to take me out and cyberbullies me anonymously so that it would be difficult to impossible to prosecute… For me, OLD has been a living nightmare.
My problem with internet dating is three fold: One is that it is expensive in the long term. I have tried the free sites, but they are overflowing with pond scum and men with severe social anxiety. Two is that it’s best to see what men contact you, rather than browsing profiles to contact them – that generates burnout quickly. Third is, for me, the in-person meeting reveals that – even if you connected online – the physical connection is simply nonexistent. It’s like meeting a piece of cardboard, or having a date with toilet paper. Or, they push for sex up front – and I can’t tell you how many of them do this.
I am on a free site right now, because I do not have the money to keep dumping into online dating. For those of us who are not capable of paying those steep prices, we would love to hear your suggestions for meeting men in person. Online dating can’t compare to meeting in person.
Hi B – the point of online dating is to meet men in person. It’s like a cocktail party in the sky and the point is to meet men quickly. You are right – many will not be a good match. That’s just how it is with dating in general. However if you want to meet men face-to-face, try sports bars on game nights, sporting events,history re-enactments, collectible shows (knives, tools etc.), car and boat shows, and golf. Singles events of course- but there aren’t as many as there used to be because of online dating. Some churches may still have singles groups. And check out http://www.Meetup.com – this is a free service where groups are posted with their events. It’s a great resource internationally. Good luck!
I agree with limiting the amount of telephone and email sessions and move to meet in person sooner rather than later. The longer the “virtual” relationship goes on the bigger the potential disappointment when you do finally meet.
The reality of internet dating is that men treat it like a supermarket for women. And they are simply not interested in women their own age – they feel they are entitled to a younger, fresher model.
If you are aged 40, guys up to 60 will contact you. And will be surprised when you turn them down.
I have lost count of the number of male friends of mine – up to ten years older than me – who are dating women up to 20 years younger.
I’m sure there is a universe where women date younger men, but I’m not currently living there!
Hi Helen,
Well there are a lot of men who want to date younger women. AND there are a lot of women who want to date younger men too – in fact according to a recent AARP study – 30% of women date younger men! Plus there are men who are open to dating women closer to their own age – I know many single guys like this too. Truth is there are all kinds out there. Even if that is not your experience.
Instead of being offended by those older men, feel flattered that they find you attractive. That doesn’t mean you have to date them. But I have found when a woman can take in the compliment instead of seeing this as offensive, energetically she attracts even more and better quality men. Something to think about…