10 Reasons Why Women Should Never Pay on the First Date
You’re sipping a cappuccino on a first date. The conversation goes well and you’re enjoying yourself. Then, that nerve-wracking moment arrives when the waiter leaves the check on the table. What’s a woman to do?
Keep it in your purse – your wallet that is.
The question of who should pay is one of the most frequently discussed topic for single women. It may be old fashioned, but I highly recommend that you allow the man pay on the first date (and even a few more) for several reasons.
1. Dating is really about data gathering.
Usually, you know little about a man when you first start dating him. That’s why observation mode is so critical. Since you can’t know his attitudes about money or how he’ll react, why risk taking the wrong action? Relax and watch what happens without prompting or paying. You can learn a lot more by observing then by jumping in to handle things.
2. At the beginning, a man will try to impress and please you to win you over.
Think of a peacock spreading his tail feathers to attract a mate. That’s what paying for you is all about. If he doesn’t do this, it may be a red flag that he’s not generous with his wallet or his heart.
3. Most men expect to pay – it’s part of the chase and traditional dating ritual.
While we’ve come a long way regarding equality in the workplace and in marriages where men share the chores, child rearing, and bringing home the bacon, dating remains an archaic activity that has simply not caught up. This fact may make you mad, but that won’t change the truth about dating, even today.
4. If you offer to pay, how will you know if he’s interested or generous?
You won’t know if you offer to pay, but you will short-circuit your ability to observe his natural tendencies. Instead of jumping in to avoid feeling obligated or because you feel it’s "the right thing to do," sit back and let him handle it. One thing is for sure, if your date wants you to split the check, he’ll tell you or the bill will sit there for an hour. Either way, you won’t be wondering, so stop worrying about it.
5. Men are caught in a difficult social dilemma when a woman offers to pay.
He has to determine if you’ll be insulted by his refusal to take your money or not. While some men confidently wave aside the offer, others won’t want to risk offending you. Many men have encountered angry females who insist on paying so they aren’t "controlled by a man."
6. Some men think a woman’s offer to pay signals that you’re not interested.
You may use this trick from time to time with a guy you don’t want to see again, but don’t confuse a man you actually like by asking to split the check!
7. Recognize that you are setting a precedent for how you want to be treated.
If you don’t plan on splitting every check down the center, don’t set that pattern up from your very first date. Of course you’ll reciprocate at some point and you might offer to pay for the movie if you’ve already been to dinner, or for the after dinner drink on the second or third date. But, hold off particularly on the first night to see how he treats you. Everyone is on their best behavior for the first few dates so watch and learn what he’s all about.
8. When a man pays you don’t owe him anything except a "Thank You."
Some women feel it’s just polite to offer to pay. Others feel compelled to pay so they don’t owe a man anything in exchange for dinner. This is nonsense. You don’t owe a man anything when he buys you dinner except a gracious thank you and a warm smile. If he has other expectations, he is probably not the right man for you.
9. There are plenty of takers who’d be happy to let a woman pay for as much as possible.
Women often boldly rush to pay to establish their equality. But these are the same women who end up complaining their new man seems down right cheap. Well, remember who gave him the idea that you’d be willing to pay! Right up front you picked up the check, so it makes sense that he’d conclude you plan on taking care of things from that point forward. Don’t make it so easy for him!
10. There’s plenty of time to show your generosity.
A man will only "woo" you in the beginning because that’s when the chase is on. Why not let him impress you and treat you well? If you like him, allow him to win your heart and give him the space to do it. Sit back, enjoy your date, and stop worrying about your share of the cost. Let your date know how much you appreciated the meal, his conversation, or company. Discover how a woman’s charm and praise can impress a man far more than your wallet.