Dating A Widower? He’s Ready As Long As You See These 7 Signs

dating a widower

horrors of dating a widowerIf you’re dating a widower, you may have found one of the best partners for a long-lasting, loving relationship. A widower didn’t go through the pain of breaking up a marriage and divorce, so he doesn’t have that kind of emotional baggage. In fact statistically speaking, widowers are the most likely people to marry again.

Men who were married and still loved their wife, usually want to find that kind of romantic partnership again. They like having a woman around and sharing their life. Most widowers aren’t afraid of commitment either – they enjoy it. So, there are many wonderful aspects of dating a widower.

However, if you are questioning his readiness for a relationship, that is another story and something to be vigilant about. There are many horrors of dating a widower. Even the most amazing man, who has not completed the grieving process, needs to be off limits or you will regret getting involved.

Thankfully, you have nothing to worry about as long as you see these seven signs that let you know he is READY.

Dating a Widower Who Is Not Ready

dating a widower While you may have some trepidation about dating a widower, most seek love again more quickly than widows, usually after one year vs. as long as five years on average for women. However, you really want to steer clear for a full year.

On the other hand, there are a number of serious concerns if his grieving is still going on. That’s why you want to know if he’s ready for a new relationship or just feeling lonely and filling time with you.

The last thing you want to do is “help” him get over his deceased wife. This requires extensive emotional support on a topic that will cut through your heart – his love for another woman. You cannot compete with the dead.

Helping a widower is misguided because what you are really doing is hoping he’ll recover quickly and ignoring the obvious fact that he’s not ready for the real thing with you.

All your good intentions in this case to ease his pain and connect with him will simply lead to devastating heartbreak.

The Horrors of Dating a Widower

Don’t make excuses for any man’s behavior, especially the widower you’re dating.

If he exhibits signs that he’s not ready, and you are serious about finding lasting love, then you are barking up the wrong tree as the saying goes. Please don’t do this to yourself! You’ll find a list of the red flags about dating a widower towards the end of this article.

The horrors of dating a widower are notorious. From being hidden from his family, keeping the relationship a secret, sneaking around and more. This is a surefire way to completely lose your dignity and ruin your self-esteem.

You are better off leaving and starting over with a new man who is READY.  Nothing is worse than hanging in there waiting for some guy to get over his wife.

You’ll be thinking, “If only he could focus on how good WE ARE together.” If he could, he would.

7 Signs of Readiness for Dating a Widower

Good Signs When Dating a WidowerWhat are the good signs to watch for? If you are enjoying a widower’s company and see these seven signs, he’s probably ready for the lasting love you want.

1. It’s Been a Year

Most widowers will get back out there to date and hopefully find a new partner after about a year.

This is the average period of grieving for most men. And statistically, these men are the most likely to marry again. Yay!

If it’s only been a few months, it doesn’t matter what a great guy he is – he’s NOT READY! Stay away no matter what a great catch he seems like or how nice, charming, or sexy he is, if you don’t want to be heartbroken.

2. His Actions and Words Match

When the guy you’re dating says something and then follows through, this is always a good sign.

But it’s even more meaningful when you’re dating a widower. This shows he’s ready for a relationship because a man’s actions are what matter most. Talk is easy, but actions show a man’s true intentions.

This is actually true for any man you date of course. You want someone who you can count on and whose word is like gold.

When you encounter a man who walks his talk, you are dating a man who has integrity. Some men talk a good game, but if they don’t deliver on that, what’s the point?

If he can’t follow through, take care of yourself and your heart, be smart and walk away.

3. He Doesn’t Talk About Her Constantly

A widower who is not ready constantly talks about his wife. Everything brings up a memory of something special about her or an aspect he misses.

You cannot win against a fond memory, so don’t even try. His wife now has been placed on a pedestal and you, even though sitting right next to him, cannot compare. He’s simply not ready to date you or any woman seriously.

If he brings her up once in a while and doesn’t wax on too long, that is normal, something to be expected and hopefully isn’t hard to tolerate.

Should you be offended by his talking about his wife, then he’s not the right man for you. If he was happily married for many years, he’s going to talk about her to some degree and might feel wistful on her birthday or anniversary.

More Good Signs about Widowers

dating a widower

4. Just a Few Photos

It’s understandable that after many years of marriage with a woman he loved, his deceased wife will be in photos.

A few here or there makes sense and is expected. However, if he’s got her picture by his bedside and all over the house like a shrine, this is a major RED FLAG.

He’s still deeply grieving and not ready for a relationship with you. Don’t ignore this about dating a widower, thinking you can simply talk him into putting those photos away.

They are a statement about where he is in his healing process which cannot be hurried, no matter how well you get along or how much he seems to like you.

One of my clients just told me how a man on the Bumble dating app reached out to her. Out of six photos, half of them included his wife! Talk about the horrors of dating a widower!

She liked him and wanted to know what I thought. I told her NO WAY. I can’t even imagine what this man was thinking can you? This is a true story!

5. He Pursues You Consistently

As with any man, you want him to pursue you consistently. This means he calls you weekly, takes you on a date at least once a week if not more, and texts in between (if he’s a texter).

This is what you watch for as a sign he’s genuinely interested in you.

When dating a widower, this is particularly important. Should he see you sporadically to have some female company, get emotional support or avoid feeling lonely.

Once you see a man weekly and your time together becomes more frequent, this is a really good sign for sure. Keep in mind, consistency builds a relationship.

So, if his contact or dates are more sporadic, he’s probably more casual than you think and not serious about you or finding love perhaps.

Dating a Widower Over 50

dating a widower 6. Introduces You to Family

When you are dating a widower of any age, if he’s extremely concerned about not upsetting his family with you, he’s not ready to date.

You want to be with a man who is confident in himself, his actions and his choices. A man who fears what his family will think about you or his dating, is not standing on his own two feet.

Don’t think that everything will be alright once they see how great you are together. Trust me, that is not what they will think.

In a case like this, the family (including children, parents or in-laws) is concerned with preserving the status quo and the loving memory of his wife.

You cannot win if there’s any competition with her ghost – you WILL lose.

7. Introduces You to Friends and Family

Another great sign of a man’s genuine interest and readiness is when he starts introducing you to the people who matter most in his life.

Once you start meeting friends, and family members in particular, then you know you are on a good track.

Understand that with the children, especially if they are young, it may take longer.

This makes sense in the case of dating a widower or a man who is divorced. Most men (and women) want to know you will likely be around long-term before you meet the kids.

Warning Signs and Horrors of Dating a Widower

To sum up the warning signs, if it’s been less than a year since his wife passed and he talks about your future together, but never follows through, he is not be ready.

If he talks about his wife constantly, still has tons of photos of her even on Facebook, is inconsistent with his attention, please rethink dating him.

And, if he expresses concern about what his family might say, or doesn’t introduce you to anyone, keep in mind these are serious red flags, letting you know dating this widower is probably not a wise choice.

Sometimes widowers want to keep your relationship a secret, will tell some family members but not others or not introduce you to his friends. Things must be out in the open or you are witnessing the horrors of dating a widower.

Only he can decide when he’s healed and ready for a serious, lasting relationship with a new woman.

Don’t invest your time and life in helping him recover. This is a thankless job and will lead to heartbreak. As soon as a man feels better and more emotionally whole, he will usually walks away and find another woman to commit to.

Why is that? It seems so rotten and heartless. When a man is not at his best, he can’t really give you what you want. He might really care for and appreciate you, but he could also be leaning on you. And after he recovers, then you remind him of the time when he was weak and recovering. So, he moves on.

You will not win him over by nursing him back to emotional health.

The Good News About Widowers

good news about dating a widowerNow, the good news is that a widower knows how to love and usually wants to marry again.

He’s not phobic about commitment and likes having a woman in his life. So, if you are dating a widower who is showing all the good signs outlined in this post – excellent!

Enjoy this time with your new man and take things slowly to be sure you are both making good choices. There’s no need to rush. Taking your time allows you to savor every joyous moment.

If you want more dating advice tailored to you and your circumstances, let’s chat! Schedule a complimentary session with me and fill out the short application to discover what might be blocking you from finding love and if coaching is right for you.

Updated 11/18/20

Love Is Scary – How To Spot Good Men Vs. Scary Monsters

Do you think love is scary? I get it, but the truth is, all men are not monsters! Here are three ways to notice the good men around you and find the right one for you.

Worried that Every Man You Meet Might Be Frankenstein?

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I know how hard it can be to find love with a good man. I understand when women complain to me that the men out there are terrible. They just want one thing. They lie, cheat and scam.
All the good ones are taken and even the media says what’s left are scary monsters like… Frankenstein (OK, Halloween is on my mind.) That’s why love is scary.
I walked in your shoes being a single woman until 40. But I was lucky because I had done a lot of personal development work. So, I had access to a bounty of methods that helped me open my mind and turn my negative thinking and attitude around.

Why Is Being In Love Scary?

One of the biggest challenges I faced was believing a good man was out there for me and I COULD find him and the love I longed for dearly. Let me tell you, I worked at it!
I used every exercise and mind trick I knew to shift these patterns that surely would have interfered with what became my successful search for love.

AND I DID IT!

Not only did I manage to keep an open mind about the men I met and stay positive during the dating journey, but I also met an adorable man and we’ve been happily married for years.
Yes, it’s worth the effort! I know you can find love too. Heck if I did it, any woman can!
Here are three empowering mind exercises to help you move past the idea that love is scary. When you stop imagining that all men are scary monsters, you’ll find more good men out there and one just for you.

1. Practice Looking for the Good in Men

love is scary When you notice men walking past you on the street, instead of ignoring them or internally criticizing them, take a moment to look for the good in them. Ask yourself, “Why does that man’s girlfriend or wife love him? What does he have to offer his woman? What does he do to make her feel special?”
This does take some practice but, it’s an extremely powerful method to shift your thinking. You are resetting your outlook to find good things about the men you notice.
Don’t feel badly if you quickly fall back to thinking he’s not dressed well, is losing his hair, or wherever you might usually go with your thinking. That’s normal and making this shift in thought process will take time.
Commit to doing this exercise on a regular basis and be gentle with yourself as you realize all the negativity that comes up when you try to be positive. It’s  great way to stop thinking love is scary and men are horrible.

2. Smile at One New Man Every Day

This is a bit difficult now with COVID and wearing a mask. However, if you are out and going to work or the store, look up, face forward and notice men. A man might not be able to see your smile, but you can bob your head and say hello. Your eyes will still show a smile.
Many women are task-focused as you hurry around to get stuff done. You might not even notice a man looking at you or smiling.
Or if you think love is scary, your normal instinct is to look away as fast as possible because you would rather not engage. Sadly, neither of these instincts will help you connect with a good man.
You cannot imagine the positive changes that happen when I convince a client to smile at men. The results are consistently remarkable!

3. Notice Happy Couples Around You

love is scaryYou might think it’s counterproductive to notice happy couples. They have what you want and that could make you feel envious or unhappy.
But let’s look at this another way.
Once you see a happy couple, instead of feeling your own lack of love, you can ride the energetic coattails of their relationship happiness. They are your evidence that finding love is possible. After all, they did it!
If you do this exercise, you will start to understand that you can find love too. You are no different than other people and you are just as worthy as anyone else.

Elevate Your Energy

When you spot happy couples, leverage their happy energy by saying to yourself, “Love does exist! I want what they have and am ready to be next!”
This is not at all like envy or jealousy. It’s a higher level vibe where you elevate your own energy to the level of your desire. You lift yourself above the old idea that love is scary.
Your desire for love is a higher vibration. Seeing happy couples can help lift your energy right now to be like the love you want.
According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like. That means when you lift your energy to the level of happy couples in love – you are now like the energy you want to attract!
Bingo! That’s what makes you more magnetic to find love.

Yes, You Can Make This Work for You!

Shift your mind away from your internal negative chatter that love is scary and men are scary monsters because GOOD MEN ARE OUT THERE.

Learn to notice the good side of men and start to expect to see that. When you BELIEVE, your chance to find love skyrockets!

Happy Halloween!

 

 

 

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Happy Halloween: Are You Afraid To Love And Pick the Wrong Man Again?

afraid to love

Are you afraid to love and fear picking the wrong man again? These seven tips will help you trust yourself so you can find love again.

Halloween Is Scary But Love Shouldn’t Be!

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When you’ve had more than one love that ended badly, you may have developed a fear about your ability to choose the right man. Some women tell me how they fear having a broken picker and worry they will end up with another rotten apple (or Jack-o-lantern LOL).

If this sounds like you, you are about to discover seven ways you can get over this chilling fear to feel more in control and chose wisely when it comes to men and love.

1. Make a pro and con list

Even though things didn’t work out in the past, what did you like about the men you’ve been with? Maybe you liked his looks, sense of humor, charm, brilliance or success. Notice potential similarities about the men you’ve loved if there is more than one guy.

History provides great insights when you take the time to look back. This kind of self-reflection can help you see why you made the choices and if the qualities that attract you still work for you or lead to trouble.

Next, make a list of what you disliked about the men. Were they mean, self-centered, addicts, untrustworthy, cheaters, cheap, thoughtless, etc.? Take a moment to think about what caused each breakup and be honest with yourself. Get clear about why things didn’t work out.

This way, if you encounter similar situations with a new guy, you can be more objective and make a smarter choice, so you don’t go down the same unhappy path again. Then you won’t be afraid to love again.

2. Knock him off that pedestal!

afraid to loveSometimes it’s spooky how much easier it is to remember the good stuff. At the same time, you manage to ignore the scary parts of a past love that caused you pain.

There seems to be a rosy glow about a man who is lost or got away and this is actually normal. However, it can keep you locked into your attraction for the wrong kind of man who will never make a good partner.

To make better choices in the future and not be afraid to love, get beyond your selective memory to stick with the reality of the situation. When you allow yourself to only remember the parts you adored, you keep the wrong man on a pedestal. He doesn’t deserve this place in your heart anymore!

Knock him down off that pedestal and come back to the real world! If he was the perfect man, you’d still be together.

3. Own your mistakes

No matter how many bad relationships you’ve had, a better love for you exists as soon as you are willing to learn from your mistakes. If you need help to recover and learn from your last relationship, try therapy, coaching or even reading books on the subject.

Consider how you may have contributed to the relationship that caused it to not work out, even if it was just to hope things would get better. Once you take this step, you free yourself to start again with a clean slate.

Owning your mistakes is part of the healing process, so you won’t be afraid to love by making the same mistakes again.

4. Move forward and you won’t be a victim

You don’t need to be in a relationship. But if you still want one and deny yourself the chance, you become a victim of love. Being afraid to love and repeating the same mistakes will override your ability to start fresh and take a chance on love again.

Why let your ex influence your romantic future? Don’t allow yourself to be a victim of his flaws, his mean comments or predictions about your love life or be afraid to love again because of him.

Yes, dating can be nerve wracking and scary. But new love can enrich your life, expand your world and bring you great joy as well. All men are not scary.

Don’t hold back – go for your dream if you truly want to love again. Healthy love is worth it!

5. The Universe is abundant

Limited thinking makes you believe your ex is the only man for you. There isn’t just one soulmate for you. I know this is true because so many clients and people I know find love again!

The Universe is an amazingly abundant place with countless opportunities. Just try to count the stars in the night sky if you don’t believe me. Even if you can’t imagine it now, I guarantee, there is another man out there for you.

Once you are willing to learn from the past and move on to try again, you CAN find a BETTER man. Be brave vs. afraid to love again and the right man will cross your path.

6. Open up to a new type

afraid to loveDo you have a type of man you are always attracted to? The best way to avoid picking the wrong man again is to seek a new type of guy. If you need a super successful man, what if he’s successful but not a workaholic? What if he believes in living a balanced life instead?

Turns out your type has the qualities you love but also, the qualities that destroy your relationship. Yup, he’ll always be a package deal with all the bad stuff that drives you away and wreaks havoc in your life. Sadly, your type will never make you happy.

When you consider a new kind of man, someone you might not have dated before, you give yourself the chance to find a better match. Someone you are more compatible with than your “type.”

7. Promise yourself and be unwavering

Review the list of what you didn’t like about your exes. Add any red flags that you previously ignored or new ones you’ve discovered. Stick the list on your refrigerator, or in your desk or purse, so you can refer to it when you start dating a new man.

If you see two or more red flags in the early stages of dating, that’s your signal! You’re in danger of repeating the same mistakes. Promise yourself you will move on before you get in deep and feel too attached.

That’s how you can keep history from repeating itself and learn to trust yourself again. Consciously deciding to leave when you see the writing on the wall, rather than hoping things will change, is the most empowering step you can take.

Promise to honor what you know and take care of yourself. You are in charge of your heart, not the other way around as some would have you believe.

Don’t be afraid to love again

Don’t let the scary relationship patterns of your past predict your future. Mindful dating, plus a willingness to learn from your mistakes puts you in charge. You can attract and pick a better man to find lasting love!

Happy Halloween!

 

Need help with choosing a good guy? Get my free audio program 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Man.

 

How to Recover From An Almost Relationship That Felt So Real

almost relationship

What is an “Almost Relationship?” I bet you know what I mean without the explanation, but just in case, I’m going to go ahead and spell it out.

Defining the Almost Relationship

almost relationship

You are captivated and perhaps in love with an elusive man. He might text a lot or also call and Facetime. It might be a long distance thing or he’s just too busy to see you. Maybe he does have lunch with you or take you on one date night.

Yet, you are so taken with him and attracted like a moth to a flame that you’re willing to accept his limited attention or breadcrumb relationship.

You tell yourself that anytime with him is better than nothing. And you feel like he is “The One,” and no other man will do or compare.

You have a dream of what your relationship could be like with him. He seems so close to what you want and you are almost there. Your conversations are intimate and sweet. He shared with you deeply and revealed his personal details, so you know you are someone special to him.

Not a Real Relationship

However, this is not a full relationship. He might care about you but, in the big picture, he doesn’t care enough to have the close, face-to-face romantic relationship you wish for.

No matter how much you dream about it or think about it, he misses the mark completely in terms of being your romantic partner. He’s just not available for all that you want.

Waking up to Reality

almost relationship Waking up to see the reality of your almost relationship is no easy task. Maybe one day he vanishes without a word. Or his contact with you dribbles off into nothing. And you fall apart because he’s no longer a part of your life.

Sadly, sharing your love, support and attention is no longer an option.

Sometimes the realization happens when you get honest with yourself about wanting MORE. That’s how you know, without a doubt, this is not a real and an almost relationship.

Then what happens is you likely start blaming yourself for things not working out. You review in detail everything that happened, looking for the thing that pushed him away. You feel you must have done something wrong.

Why Aren’t I Enough?

For some reason beyond your knowing, you just weren’t enough. Maybe not pretty enough, smart enough or you aren’t sure what. Yet, it feels like it’s your fault.

This is natural – it’s how women react. We blame ourselves and think we aren’t good enough. As a result, you review conversations and look for what went wrong, dragging your self-respect and self-worth through the mud.

So here’s the thing, you don’t need to disregard your feelings for him. They were REAL. It’s the almost relationship that wasn’t. So, by all means honor your feelings of love and the loss and rejection that followed.

What matters now is to build yourself back up and remember that you are a great catch and worthy of love. There is a good man out there who wants a woman just like you.

He wasn’t your man or the lasting love you hoped for, but the next one could be. New opportunities will come your way as you heal.

He Strung You Along

In all honesty, this guy probably led you on. He let you believe he cared the same way you did. He might have talked about the future together or said the sweetest things.

It’s completely possible that he really did care, in his own highly limited way.

This Is a Real Breakup

breadcrumb relationshipSince you loved this man, even if the relationship never fully materialized, recognize and acknowledge your loss. Go ahead and treat this like a regular breakup because it’s true for you.

That means you might grieve for a while. Cry and eat ice cream. Call your girlfriends to seek support and kindness because you need to feel heard. Maybe you’ll watch a few chick flicks, go for a run or take an Epsom salt bath with lavender to cleanse your energy and let him go.

Do what you would normally do after a breakup. Take time to heal and invest in self-care.

Then vow you’ll never fall for this kind of almost relationship again. The days of you accepting relationship crumbs from any man are definitely over.

You deserve a real relationship, spending time with a man in person and building a life together. When you feel ready, go after that.

You can find true love, I did it and that’s why I know you can too.

 

Ready to find a quality guy? Get my free audio program on 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Guy

Did I Scare Him Away? 7 Ways You Might Turn Off A New Man

did I scare him away

Have you ever worried, “Did I scare him away?” It’s possible. Find out if you’ve made one of these common mistakes with a new man.

did I scare him awayDon’t Scare Him Away!

Halloween is about the fun of scary things and ghoulish stories. But the last thing you want to do is scare off a new man in your life. Here are seven ways you might inadvertently frighten your date away and how to easily avoid them.

1) Being Fiercely Independent

You are an independent woman who can take care of yourself so you don’t NEED a man. I get it. You might really enjoy your independence or perhaps you fought hard to win it. However, communicating this to a man does not portray as positively as you might imagine.

Most people, including men want to feel needed. They want to help with your car, fix stuff, carry heavy things or open jars.

A fiercely independent woman who is proud of her status can be off putting. Why? Because the guy your dating doesn’t want to feel unnecessary in your life. Truth is, you wouldn’t like that either.

You want to avoid bragging about how you can totally take care of yourself. But if you do talk about this with passion and wonder, “Did I scare him away?” chances are the answer will be, “Yes”.

Don’t get me wrong, your independence is fabulous! Just don’t flaunt it in your new guy’s face. Instead, let him open the door for you, order the wine, or pick up the check. make room for him to take on the traditional role and “be the man.”

If you want to come across as an irresistible woman, then rely on your feminine charm. Find a way to genuinely be warm, receptive, and easy to please. Let him know you appreciate his efforts and say thank you.

2) Talking about the Future

When you meet a wonderful man, it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement! That’s the fun part of dating. However, if you start doodling his last name with yours or dreaming of a life together after just a few dates, you aren’t living in the present moment. You’ve jumped ahead into the future.

Please don’t plan your future at the start of dating someone new. Stay in the present and maintain and even keel emotionally. This is what I refer to as “Positively Neutral”. You are positive about the future and the present, but you remain detached or neutral.

When you stay REAL about your new guy and keep the pressure off, you allow yourself to remain more objective. Staying neutral is so important for making wise romantic decisions.

This is how you avoid getting heartbreak. And at the same time you don’t put any pressure on your new guy out so you don’t worry, “Did I scare him away?” There is no rush. Take your time getting to know a man.

Anything can happen to move the relationship forward or to cut it short. Your positive, yet neutral outlook keeps you balanced.

When you lean into the future, you’ll appear anxious or needy – Oh no! That sets off warning bells and starts the downhill slide for a man.

Try not to over think the future. Stay present, keep your eyes open and know that it will all unfold with time. Don’t rush a man if you want him to stick around.

3) Fixing Him

Let me tell you straight out – you cannot change a man. You cannot change anyone, except yourself and event that’s not easy.

There are only two things you can change about a man: 1) his clothing and 2) his hair if you’re lucky. But that’s it.

He is who he is. Your attempts to improve him could easily be mistaken as a lack of appreciation for who he is right now. That’s won’t help your budding relationship. Pushing him to change is a great way to push him away and scare him off.

Women do make this mistake all the time! I remember thinking about a guy and wishing I could just mix together a good part of someone else with the new guy’s qualities to have the perfect partner.

We all have done this from time to time. But it’s NOT realistic or possible! If there’s something not working for you – pay attention to that so you don’t get caught up with the wrong guy.

Refrain from fixing him, especially in the first month or two no matter how tempting it is. Appreciate who he is right now and if you can’t do that, he’s probably not the right man for you.

did I scare him away4) Invading His Space

I’m sure you’ve heard about the man cave. When you are first seeing a new man, he’s going to frequently return to the man cave because he feels really comfortable there.

You may be tempted to reach out to him, especially if you haven’t heard from him. DON’T DO IT! You’ll be invading his private territory. You want to be invited into his world – that’s how you know he’s genuinely interested.

No matter how much you want to, don’t call him, text him or initiate contact for the first four dates. Let him come to you with his own sense of timing. Don’t crowd him, get in his space or take over pursuit. This never works.

If he’s fallen away and you wonder, “Did I scare him away by texting too much?” it’s possible. However, if he doesn’t reach out to you, this lack of communication tells you he’s not that interested. His actions and efforts to connect are the only thing that matters. Don’t just rely on his words – they mean nothing without his actions to spend time with you.

One of the best pieces of dating advice you’ll ever get is to let him pursue you.

5) Sharing Your Feelings

This is a must at the start of dating. Don’t be the woman who scared him away with your feelings. Women tend to develop strong feelings and it feels good to tell him about this. But this is often too much too soon for the average man.

Do yourself a big favor and tell your girlfriends instead. Give him the space and time to tell you how he feels FIRST. If not, you could be waiting for a long time to hear those three words that slipped out of your out of your mouth way too soon, “I love you.”

6) Spying on Him

If you stalk him on social media looking for what your guy is up to and saying, you are getting in too deep. What is going on that you need to spy on him? He might not be showing enough interest in you or giving you the kind of attention you want.

Notice if that’s true. If so, that let’s you know he might not be the right man for you. Unfortunately, you can’t make someone like you or want a close relationship. Either he wants you in his life as his close romantic companion or he doesn’t.

If you are feeling insecure and this is making you spy on him, wake up. Build your self worth and confidence and go do something fun. stalking him and snooping will not make him like you more. But if he catches you doing this, that’s a surefire way to scare him away.

did I scare him off7) Being Hard to Please

Maybe you are very particular. You like things the way you like them. I get it. You are entitled to have what you want o course! But how important is this on the first few dates?

If he picks a restaurant you don’t like at all that’s one thing. But if he picks one Italian restaurant and you prefer another, see if you can just go along with his this time. You can make your suggestion next time.

On the other hand if you are insistent about where or when or other details and require several calls to set up a single date, he might think you aren’t worth the trouble.

Don’t do this to yourself! Otherwise you might find yourself asking, “Did I scare him away?” Yup, you did.

The last thing you want is to appear picky or difficult. Men like women who are confident, easy to please and fun to be with. That doesn’t mean you have to give up your preferences! Not at all. However, you can ease into them right?

Give a man a chance to get to know you and if he likes you, he’ll likely STRIVE to please you. You’ve got this.

Enjoy the Magic of a New Relationship

There are many more chilling things women do to chase men away, like not returning phone calls, talking about your ex, complaining that all men stink, going on and on about your kids, etc.

So, if you’re dating someone who seems to be a good catch, smile at him, praise his efforts, give him a warm reception and enjoy the magic that is the start of a new relationship.

Happy Halloween!

 

Get more tips on how to attract a quality guy with this eye-opening, Free audio program.

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Is Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior Making It Hard To Find Love?

How do you know when self-sabotaging behavior is interfering in your love life? Watch for these telltale signs and find out what you can do.

How Does Self-Sabotage Happen?

self sabotaging behavior Self-sabotaging behavior is extremely sneaky. How do you know if you’re getting in your own way and causing problems?

Self-sabotage finds a little crack in your confidence and sinks deep roots into your psyche. Then these self-defeating ideas seep into your thinking and seem unshakably true and completely reasonable.

Sometimes the sabotage is not even part of your conscious mind, but your subconscious, which is why people are often totally unaware they are working against themselves.

Here’s what happens. You are firm in your convictions about dating, love and men. True or false, these beliefs become your operating system for how you relate to the world.

You notice articles in the media that prove you are right in this way of thinking all the time. There is so much evidence that finding love again is next to IMPOSSIBLE.

Are you relating to any of this?

Signs of Self-Sabotaging Behavior

There are a number of telltale signs you might not be aware of that allow you to get between yourself and the love you dream of.

  • Sometimes the idea of looking for love completely paralyzes you. You can’t imagine taking a step forward even if you like to read dating blogs and newsletters to learn about the process.
  • Maybe you feel overwhelmed by the idea of dating again and turn away from this to avoid the possible unpleasantness and constant decision making required.
  • Or you fall into a lot of anxiety when you do start dating, worrying about each new man and how he is likely to hurt or disappoint you just like all the rest have.

These situations ooze with distressing self-sabotaging behavior. They show you have been making your choices about love based only on fear of failure. This is the very definition of getting in your own way.

I Was a Self-Sabotage Pro!

I know all about this personally, getting in my own way for nearly 18 YEARS!

When my college boyfriend and I broke up, I was totally heartbroken. I left him because it was obvious he no longer loved me. His behavior made that very clear.

Yet, I was devastated, confused, hurt and so mad that our three year relationship came to such a painful ending. I didn’t want to feel that way again.

As a result, I did almost NOTHING to meet men and find love for 18 years! I kept myself totally safe, even though I thought I was open and looking for love.

So, I was pretty much one of the queens of self-sabotaging behavior. (There are so many of us I can’t possibly claim to be the only queen LOL.)

Years Of Avoiding Heartbreak

self sabotageIn my first job out of college I made lots of friends and had plenty of fun. But get this – my girlfriends and I went dancing at gay bars so the men wouldn’t bother us! I was unknowingly very serious about getting in my own way when it came to men and love.

Then I went back to school for my MBA and got my dream job in brand marketing, working my butt off to succeed and get promoted.

Every so often, I would venture out to a singles dance to meet men. A group of us would stand against the back wall and complain no one asked us to dance. As if we were doing anything to make ourselves available!

Men do not want to walk up to a bunch of women and ask one to dance.That’s too risky for them.

There were also blind dates over the years, but they were terrible – proving again there were no good men out there.

At one point, I dated my neighbor for 6 weeks but that fizzled quickly. I joined a dating service which was completely disastrous. Finally after about 14 years of living the single life, I answered a single’s ad and got my heart trounced after 4 dates with this one guy.

Then I Was Suddenly 40 and Still Single!

Unlike many of my friends, I never found a man or got married . My fear was that being single was my lot in life and I had no hope of changing my romantic status.

After spending the first few months of my 40th year feeling helpless and depressed, somehow a huge realization came to me.

One Potent Solution to Self-Sabotage

If I didn’t want to remain single, I had to look within. Clearly I was the common denominator about all of these experiences. The time arrived to ask myself what I was doing to get in my own way.

The biggest problem I discovered was my belief that there were no good men. Evidence to support this idea could be found everywhere I looked.

As it turns out, this is referred to as “The Human Condition.” You can prove your beliefs are right any time and there is a great need to be RIGHT. But that doesn’t mean they really are which is such a STRANGE aspect of life.

You can be deeply entrenched in your convictions and yet, a 180 degree change is actually completely possible and helpful!

That’s because when you shift your belief, something new can happen. You have to make a crack in your belief system to allow a new, positive belief to root and take hold.

Here are some powerful misconceptions about online dating that can get in the way too.

Getting Past the Fear

self sabotaging behaviorWhen I went on my first date in years at 40, was I afraid? You bet!

I had been working on myself to shift beliefs and open my heart when a friend called out of the blue to fix me up with this guy. She didn’t even know I was working on this and ready for love!

Going on this date was the only way I was going to find love. It was time to meet men, so I said yes to her offer to fix me up with Keith.

Granted Keith was not Mr. Right but, he was just the man I needed to get started dating again. Dating him helped me see this is just a process to get where I wanted to go – to be in love with a wonderful man who wanted to be my life partner.

I dated lots of men after Keith and I stopped seeing each one and within 15 months I met #30 – the man who is now my adorable, loving husband.

The Journey to Find Love

On the journey to find love, it’s true – some men will disappoint you or disappear. You might get hurt and choose the wrong man again.

Yet, you can LEARN what works, get smarter and feel more confident. And then just like me and so many of my clients, you can stop the self-sabotaging behavior to meet the man you’ve been waiting for all along.

If I hadn’t pushed myself out of my comfort zone and dated all those men, I would never have met my sweet husband. If I didn’t look within to understand how I was getting in my own way, I’d still be single for sure.

Being Brave Is Not about Feeling Fearless

The very definition of bravery is to feel the fear and take steps anyway. This is how you know you are ALIVE vs. just existing, by taking steps to fulfill your heart’s desire.

Now, it’s true you don’t need to have a man or a relationship. You don’t need to be married or date. You can have a wonderful, rich and satisfying life being single. No arguments from me.

But if you want love, YOU have to take the steps to find it. Look within, recognize and stop the self-sabotaging behavior, and open your heart to the love that you long for.

If you don’t know where to start, it’s worth taking a look at your possible blocks to love. Listen to this free audio program and discover where you might be getting in your own way.

Online Dating Tips for Women – Best Dating Sites

My online dating tips for women today are about the best dating sites and dating apps. Which ones should you use to find the love you want?

I often recommend very few of these sites since experience tells me that the biggest sites are the best. And online dating tips for women over 40 are different than for younger gals in their 20s. My favorites are most likely what you’d expect.

Match
Bumble
Hinge
Zoosk (especially out west)
ChristianMingle
Jdate

Online Dating Advice

If you are serious about finding love, online dating is the best tool to starting dating quickly, especially over 40. You want to find the biggest pools of single people and the top four sites are the most populated by far.

You have probably noticed that I left a couple of the big players out from the list above. I didn’t include the free sites like OKCupid or Plenty of Fish. If you are serious about finding love, the paid sites are a better opportunity.

Also, I’m not a fan of eHarmony for two reasons:

  1. The site asks too many questions and most men over 40 can’t be bothered with this many details which means they have fewer men than other sites. I know this is true from so many of my clients who get long-distance matches because the site has no local matches for them.
  2. Their complicated communication process with too many predetermined questions rather than just getting to know each other. (It might be possible to bypass this process now.)

Sometimes in large cities this site can still be a good option. New York apparently has a good number of men using eHarmony. If you live in a more progressive area where the men are a bit more introspective, it’s possible that it’s worth giving the site a try. I’ve also heard the site is great for 30 and under.

Some women insist on using this site, which is fine as long as you don’t get frustrated and assume all online dating doesn’t work for you. If you have a bad experience, try another site!

Online Dating Sites and Dating Apps Review

online dating tips for womenI found this great review of online dating sites and they went through several dating sites and dating apps. They list eHarmony first – not one of my favorites, then Match.com, OKCupid, Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, Elite Singles, Facebook and more. There are also some great safety tips at the end of the reviews – scroll down to see them.

They based their review on 200+ hours of research, they used 20 sources, vetted 11 companies, and reviewed five features on the site that was most likely to help you find a compatible match. They looked at some of these factors to review the sites:

  • Matching
  • Profile Customization
  • Interfacing Features
  • Privacy and Security
  • Inclusivity

Other criteria that would have been helpful but, perhaps they didn’t have access to the data would be:

  • Geographic skew – some sites like Zoosk are better out west than on the east coast.
  • Number of people on the sites – for example, eHarmony as mentioned is low on men 40+ on the east coast
  • Accuracy of algorithms
  • Quality of messages received by users

It’s a pretty good review of how each site works and worth the read. You’ll pick up some online dating tips for women to help you choose the best site for you.

It’s been said that Match.com and eHarmony do produce the most marriages vs. the hookup culture of a site like OKCupid. (This site has a bunch of questions about sexual preferences but, you do not have to answer them and most people don’t!)

Online Dating Tips for Women

When it comes to eHarmony’s claims about their amazing matching algorithm, I’m not so sure. Maybe it depends on your age and location. Several of my love and dating coaching clients have been told by the site they are not “matchable” but it likely was based on not having enough male inventory in their areas.

So, if you are thinking about online dating or are already participating and considering changing sites, this review of the sites will be extremely helpful!

Remember, write a profile that sets you apart from other women. Stay upbeat and friendly in your text. Be positive and try to capture your personality.

In addition, your photos are the most important element since men are so visual. So, check out this post with my 15 tips for fabulous photos.

Wish you had a dating profile that got the right kind of attention? Check out my Digital Dating Makeover!

Online Dating Tips for Women: Can I Lie about My Age on Dating Apps?

online dating tips for women

Get these essential online dating tips for women. If you’re wondering, “Can I lie about my age on dating apps?” discover what you can get away with.

online dating tips for womenOnline Dating Tips for Women – What’s Your Real Age?

People lie. They lie online about several things. Men lie about an inch or two of height. Women lie about 8 lbs. of weight. And everyone lies about their age. These are statistically the most common lies online, so you should expect that many people will “fudge” a little here and there. After all, what’s an inch or 8 lbs. among friends?

But when it comes to your age, you may be wondering, “Can I lie about my age on dating apps and sites?” How many years should you lie about? Common practice says that two or three years aren’t really a big deal. But where do you draw the line? How much is too much to lie about?

A Personal Story

I want too share one of my own personal stories.  I met men through personal ads that ran in the newspaper. They were really fun to read even if you weren’t dating. I placed my own ads so the men applied to my inbox for dates. Honestly, I met some fabulous men doing this. Combined with singles dances and blind dates, I dated 30 men in 15 months to meet the man who is my adorable husband still today.

Paul, my husband, was the 30th man I dated. But number 29 was a really nice guy too. We got along well and  had fun together. Until one night when I saw his driver’s license. Instead of being three years younger than me as he had told me, he was 6 years younger. That surprised me.

I asked why he lied about his age. He was already younger than me so what was the point? He told me he was afraid I wouldn’t meet him if I knew his real age. Trouble is, this little white lie left me wondering what else he might have fibbed about.

OK maybe it’s just me. But, I don’t think so. Many people will start to wonder about a person’s ability to be truthful.

Find a great guy with 15 creative openers for Bumble

Stretching the Truth – Online Dating Tips for Women

can I lie about my age on dating appsSeveral of my clients ask , “Can I lie about my age on dating apps?” In their mid to late 40s, they’ve taken to stretching the truth from five and to as much as seven years. These women insist men won’t contact them if they admit to being over 45 and claim the way men search, most sort from 30 to 40 and not by 35 – 45. How accurate is that idea?

Let’s look at how this works in reality. Sharon, a stunning blonde of 45 says she’s 38 on Tinder and Match. She won’t even consider admitting to being a day over 40. We talked about how a seven year “fudge factor” might seem to a man she just met and how she planned to tell him.

OK, in all fairness, maybe it will diminish a percentage of the attention. But how much? No one can say for sure. But some men must be looking for women who are 40 – 50 right? Sharon would certainly fit right in that search bracket. My online dating tips for women and in particular for Sharon, was not to lie about seven years – that’s too much.

What’s Your Age Tolerance?

Let’s turn the tables about these online dating tips for women concerning age. How would you feel if you met a man who was 50, and discovered he was really 57? Should he tell you that in the body of his profile, during the first phone call or first date? Should he wait longer and tell you on date three or after you two become exclusive?

People have different tolerance levels for this sort of thing. To me, seven years is a heck of a lot to fudge. Imagine what it will be like to admit this. If it’s on the first phone call, he might not meet you. If you tell him on the first date you might not get a second.

Let’s say you hold off and tell him after a few weeks when he has started to really get to know you and like you. You might be tempted to think that’s a lot safer because now he’s sort of invested in you. Maybe he’ll take it better after you sleep with him. But will he? That’s a big risk if you ask me.

Why doesn’t he like you back? Discover 11 reasons that will surprise you

Are You Creating Trust Issues?

You could be planting a seed that will cause him to always have trust issues with you. Once you start a relationship with a lie, that sets a precedent. Wouldn’t it be better to start closer to the truth? Anyone can cheat about 3 little years, but 7 or 10? That will detract from you being thought of as a person of integrity.

I understand women look fantastic. Many of my clients tell me they look 15 years younger than they are or more. Could they be  kidding themselves a little? I get how you could really look 10 years younger. But 15 or 20 is pushing it. Maybe you are lying to yourself. OK maybe with a good camera lens you could look 20 years younger, but will that hold up in person?

Age is a fact of life. I have to deal with it too. We all do. No one escapes this problem unless they die young. All I’m suggesting is you to get a little closer to the truth and share a little less fudge . I want the men you date to TRUST you and want to stick with you.

Don’t risk the love of a good man by starting things off with a whopper of a lie.

Instead, why not trust that the right man will find you and want you regardless of age? After all, that’s what makes him the RIGHT man!

For more online dating tips for women and getting great photos, click here

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How To Tell If A Guy Wants A Relationship Or Just A Hookup

how to tell if he wants a relationship or a hookup

You want to know how to tell if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookup? Get these eight bottom line tips that help you gain clarity EVERY time.

how to tell if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookupDoes He Just Want to Hook Up?

“Dear Ronnie,

I met a guy last August through a friend, then we connected on Instagram in March this year. We text but I mostly initiate – well he does some of the time. He was heartbroken from his past relationship which ended nine months ago.

In one month of talking he’d said he wasn’t ready for a commitment this year, but then we started texting more anyway. I initiated two phone calls and he called me once – that’s all in these four months of chatting. He has shared everything about his life with me.

He says he’d like to meet me after the pandemic (he’s from another city). He also suggested a video call, but my internet connection is bad. It’s been more than a month since he last called. I’ve given him enough hints that I like him and now I’m frustrated.

How Do You Know If He Just Wants Your Body?

Two days ago he said he’d hookup with me if we both weren’t expecting anything in the long term. I kinda felt hurt after reading that. Not that I’m even thinking of long term, I just really like him. But for him to say that, I just couldn’t understand why.

He says he’s very shy and is very insecure about his looks. I’ve even told him how gorgeous he is, so that he doesn’t feel that way about himself. He also says that I’m beautiful and hasn’t connected to any woman the way he has connected with me.

What should I do? Move on or wait for him? I need help with how to tell if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookup.

Thanks so much,
Eve”

 

Dear Eve,

I can see why you feel frustrated by your interactions with this man. But I will help you unravel what is really going on here, so you will know EXACTLY how to proceed.

He Doesn’t Want a Relationship

signs he wants a hookupFirst and most important – this guy SAID he doesn’t want a relationship. If you were my love and dating coaching client, you’d know immediately that’s the end of the line for any man. This is the one time when you KNOW a man is telling the truth – when he says anything even remotely similar that would push you away:

  • I’m not looking for a relationship
  • I’m not ready for a relationship
  • I’m not looking for anything serious
  • I’m not looking for a relationship, but I’m happy to get to know you and see what happens
  • I need space, but am happy to get to know you

This is your opportunity to NEVER go through this type of confusion again. The minute some guy utters anything close to these lines, tell him, “Thanks for letting me know,” and MOVE ON IMMEDIATELY.

He’s Emotionally Unavailable

Men who don’t want anything serious will OFTEN say, “I’ve been heartbroken.” Other similar phrases with the same meaning include:

  • I’m wary of women
  • I’m afraid of intimacy
  • I’m afraid to get close
  • I was badly hurt
  • My ex was horrible, mean, crazy, etc.
  • I’ve never been in love
  • I’m shy and don’t have enough confidence

These comments let you know one of two things.

Option #1 – He really has been wounded. Please know you cannot help him get over anyone or prove that great women exist. If he’s wounded – he needs to heal his heart ALL BY HIMSELF.

Option #2 – Some clever men know women can be suckers for a man in pain. This is highly manipulative. He knows he can draw you into his web by telling you his sad story.

He gains your trust in this manner, so he can take advantage of your good heart and caring nature. And then have his way with you without any expectations on him. Because he’s “wounded.” Or string you along for the emotional support without any intention of taking this to the next level.

When you meet a man who claims he’s shy, hurt, or never been in love, RUN. Or expect devastating heartbreak because you’ll generously pour your heart and soul into helping him and it will lead NOWHERE.

6 More Signs He Just Wants to Hookup

how to tell if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookupIf you’re still curious how to tell if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookup, here are six more straight forward signs to clear this up.

Only Compliments Your Looks Yup, that’s his focus and he’s not thinking about much more than getting into your pants. If he wanted a relationship, he’d also be interested in your mind and personality.

Mostly Texts Vs. Calls You – If he’s a big texter, but doesn’t make much effort to actually have a conversation and hear the sound of your lovely voice, he’s looking for a hookup. Men who want a relationship, want to spend time together and sleep with you.

Doesn’t Introduce You To His Peeps – If you’ve been seeing a guy for a while (2-3 months) and he hasn’t introduced you to anyone in his life, he’s not thinking long-term. You might be great to sleep with, but he doesn’t want more.

You Don’t Go On REAL Dates – Mostly your time with him is at your place or his, rather going out on dates. He might get take out or watch a movie with you, but that’s as far as things go. This is not how a quality man treats you.

It’s All At His Convenience – If seeing him is based strictly on his timing and convenience, then he’s most likely got narcissistic tendencies. Or he doesn’t worry about making you happy because he’s not serious about you anyway.

He’s Still On The Apps or Online – This doesn’t apply to you, but a man you meet via the web who won’t take down his profile after a couple of months or agree to exclusivity is not looking for a lasting relationship.

And that’s how to tell if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookup.

Don’t Text or Talk for Months Waiting for a Man

how to tell if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookupIf you haven’t started dating, but are just texting or talking, even the four months you’ve invested is too long. Life is SHORT! What are you waiting for? This is why I’m not a fan of long-distance relationships. Forget this guy and look for love locally.

For more about long-distance relationship, you may want to read this.

My dating advice is to never wait for a man who won’t get serious. And with this guy, you haven’t even been on a date yet. I’m so sorry to say, it appears you’ve put your hopes on a far away love that is not going to develop.

You’re Not Thinking Long-Term?

Okay, now this bit of insight is about you. You say you aren’t thinking long-term, but you really like him. This sort of emotional conflict is very common in women. As a love and dating coach I see this ALL THE TIME and the truth of it is you aren’t being completely honest with yourself.

The truth is you DO want a relationship or you wouldn’t care about his desire for just hooking up. If you felt casual about the whole thing, none of this would bother you.

When you start to have feelings, that’s your signal you really want the whole enchilada, even if you aren’t being totally honest with yourself. Most women want a man they can trust and see often to enjoy life with, snuggle up and share the daily ups and downs. That’s normal!

Yet sadly, many women put this desire on hold, hoping a man who isn’t ready to fulfill this basic human need, will somehow come around. That if you act a certain way, are super nice, really helpful or very comforting, and extra patient, he’ll magically BECOME the man you want.

Of course this is a recipe for heartbreak and it will deliver every time.

Learn more with 7 clues he’s not thinking long-term

Date a Man Who Is Ready

You can’t always know the first time you connect, talk or meet if a guy is relationship ready. But if you watch for these signs and don’t seem them…yay! He’s likely a quality guy who is ready for lasting love.

He’ll keep in touch, see you a few times a week, ask you to be exclusive or agree to your request. And, he’ll make your happiness a priority, introduce you to friends and family, include you in his life and decisions, and at some point, tell you that he loves you. Plus, he’s consistent, thoughtful, supportive and loving.

And, that’s how you know you found a keeper! A man who wants and is READY for lasting love.

How To Tell If A Guy Wants A Relationship Or Just A Hookup

So, now you know. You know what to look for in a quality man who wants the same kind of relationship that you do. And, you now know how to spot a guy who just wants a hook up. These tips will never fool you if you put them to work.

The trick is, you have to look at any man’s potential for love in a more fact-based, rather than emotional way. His ability to be a good candidate is NOT based on your feelings for him or how much you like him. Instead it’s all in his behavior AND if he says anything aimed at pushing you away.

My dating advice to you is to stop bothering with this guy and please look locally for the love and relationship you really do want. The right man is out there, so get out there and mingle!

 

Ready for more about understanding men? Download a copy of my book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing!

Why He Won’t Take Down His Online Profile When He Said He Would

he won't take down his online profile

He won’t take down his online profile and that is driving you over the edge. Here’s why and what you need to know about understanding men.

He won't take down his online profileWhy Is He Still Online?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy on Tinder when I was traveling for work. I lived in a different state and at the time didn’t think it would be more than the one date. But we kept messaging daily and caught up the next time I was back and he’s come to see me a couple of times as well.

Fast forward 10 months – he confessed he loves me and wants to try to make it work despite the odds and the distance. When we became ‘exclusive,’ we had a discussion about him still being on Tinder.

He said it was out of boredom and for validation and said he’d delete it. Turns out he hasn’t. The frequency of his communication has increased and every call ends with saying how much he loves and misses me.

He Won’t Take Down His Online Profile

I really don’t know how to discuss this with him and wonder whether it’s because he gets bored or lonely or if it’s something more and he’s looking for someone closer. We joked about it last time I saw him. I asked why he wanted to be with me when it would be easier to find someone closer. He said he just wants to be with me and there is no one else.

I want to confront him about it, but I don’t know how. I think it would have to be when we next see each other in a few weeks so I can gauge his reaction properly, but I honestly don’t know what to believe or what I want to believe.

Thanks Ronnie,
Holding My Breath”

Getting to Exclusivity

Dear Holding,

This is such a difficult position to be in so I understand why you feel uncomfortable. On top of this, you have already discussed exclusivity and taking down his profile. He agreed and DIDN’T DO IT! So that leaves you wondering, “Now what?”

The best way to look at this situation is to ignore his reasons for still being online. Yes, do not worry why he won’t take down his online profile.

The truth is IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY – if he’s bored, lonely or wants someone closer geographically.

What does matter? How you want to be treated! You want to be respected and he is not giving you that respect.

This man professes his love for you, yet didn’t follow through on your simple request to take down his profile. That tells you he values staying online more than making you happy. Not a good sign for your hopes of lasting love.

Words Are Not Enough

he won't take down his online profileCalling you, texting, expressing his love – all of these are nice, but not enough for lasting love.  You need a man who is committed to you and your relationship.

The man you want needs to value your love and therefore won’t do anything to mess that up.  A man who keeps his word and does what he says.

That doesn’t describe your current guy.

Where Is the Relationship Going?

I do have a big question – where do you see this relationship going? Are you hoping one of you will move to live near or with the other?

Keeping a long distance relationship going is a lot more work than when you live close by. What are your hopes? Because if you don’t see this progressing to living together or marriage, why go through all this?

How Do You Confront Him About His Profile?

When he won’t take down his online profile, I’m not sure bringing this up in person will make a difference. And, if things don’t go your way, that could be really awkward.

The phone will be easier. Bring it up directly without prefacing the discussion with, “We have to talk.” That language puts a man on high alert.

You could simply say, “10 months ago you told me you’d take your profile down but, it’s still up. That isn’t working for me. I want to be with a man who keeps his word. You want us to be together and exclusive, so will you please take your profile down today?”

Then listen to how he reacts and what he says. Keep this in mind: There are NO ACCEPTABLE EXCUSES or time to think about it. The only answer he can offer is, “Yes, I will do it today.” And then he does it.

If not, how can you possibly continue and have any self-respect?

Stick to Your Ultimatum

he won't take down his online profileHowever, for this to work you have to be willing to hold up your end. The last line in your question about not knowing what to believe or even what you WANT to believe is the tip off you might be wavering.

Asking him to take down the profile is an ultimatum, so you have to be willing to stop seeing him and walk away if he won’t take his profile down immediately.

You must stand behind your words just like you want him to do. Are you OK with that?

The point of the ultimatum is NOT to get him to change. He has to WANT to do that on his own.

You are just letting him know this is the end of the line if he won’t take down his online profile. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect and if you don’t get that, you are moving on.

The real purpose of an ultimatum is to do what is right for you. Can you stay with a man who will not stop looking for other women after all this time? You simply can’t if you want to maintain your dignity and value yourself.

This is his chance to decide what he wants – and your chance to respond accordingly. If you don’t honor your own ultimatum, he won’t take down his online profile.

Stand Up for Yourself

This is how you know you are with the right man: when you are not afraid to ask for something or discuss anything that doesn’t work for you.

You cannot maintain a healthy relationship if you are unwilling to do this. When the man you’re dating is unwilling to talk things through or keep his word, he can’t be the Right Man for you.

Take the chance to ask about this and then follow through. If he’s not the guy, there are other good men out there waiting to meet a great gal like you.

Don’t put up with vague exclusivity which is actually no exclusivity. You deserve the real thing when it comes to love and a lasting, healthy, romantic relationship.

The bottom line is, if he won’t take down his online profile, you won’t be with him any more. Case closed.

Want to know more about understanding men’s mixed signals? Download this free book now, His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing!

 

 

How To Not Be Clingy So You Avoid Turning Off A Great Guy

how to not be clingy

If it’s time to figure out how to not be clingy, this article reveals 9 simple methods to avoid such unattractive behavior. You can conquer neediness!

How to Identify Clingy Behavior

how to not be clingyAt the start of dating, you might feel nervous about what will happen in the future with this new man. When will he call again? How much does he like you? Is he thinking about you long-term? Could he be “The One”?

That’s so normal! And a big part of the excitement of dating someone new. How you handle all of that is often dependent on your style of attachment.

According to Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, authors of the book Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachment, there are three distinct ways adults behave in relationship.

1. Secure – People who are comfortable with intimacy and are warm and loving
2. Avoidant – People who feel intimacy represents a loss of independence so avoid closeness
3. Anxious – People who become preoccupied and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to return their love

So, if you fall into the Anxious category, you are more likely to exhibit clingy behavior. Maybe you’ve had a few difficult relationship experiences where the guy pulled away or ghosted. Sometimes being clingy stems from having a hard time being alone.

Don’t worry, there are surefire ways to conquer your neediness!

Why Is Being Clingy a Problem?

Clingy behavior can show up in a variety of ways. You might want to text all the time or talk every night. Affection and holding hands in public might seem imperative. Jealousy could be a problem if your man shares his attention with anyone else.

The bottom line on needy behavior often boils down to simply not feeling secure in yourself or your relationship. At the start of dating someone new this makes total sense. But sometimes your clingy behavior continues on into the relationship and can literally destroy the bond you have.

You want to know how to not be clingy so you can calm your fears and manage your natural feelings of insecurity. Otherwise you could inadvertently turn off your love interest and sadly push him away.

9 Simple Strategies to Stop Being Clingy

1. Focus on Yourself

When you feel clingy, you are focused on your partner and what they are doing or not doing. This is an external focus requiring something from your man in order to feel everything is OK.

The truth is, you need to feel OK from within first. You want to creates your own sense of security. That’s why the first strategy is  to focus on yourself.  What can you do to take care of yourself? What one thing will help you feel safer?

Once you figure that out, do not hesitate! Take that step to help yourself feel calmer and know no matter what you will be OK.

2. Respect Boundaries

Everyone needs their own space and this must be respected. A boundary is like an invisible line that separates you from others. It’s about personal space and privacy and crossing this line creates problems in any relationship.

What this means is that you can’t demand all of your man’s time and attention or be in his face about your needs. First of all, you want a man who WANTS to stay in touch, be with you and please you.

Second, you don’t want always be asking for something from him. This can be terribly annoying and will not appeal to a strong, masculine man. The average man likes things to be his idea, so when you continually make requests or demands, this will not sit well.

Boundaries can be about privacy too. So you want to avoid snooping on his phone, looking at his calendar or digging through his bureau. Always remember how you’d feel if he did that to you. That’s a good rule of thumb when it comes to respecting space and boundaries.

So, even if you really feel like you need your man’s attention, learn to hold back a bit to respect his boundaries.

3. Keep Your Life Separate

how to not be clingyIf you’re wondering how to not be clingy, do not collapse your life into his. Until you are living together or married, keep your life separate, at last parts of it. Even when you marry, you don’t want to give up everything.

Maintaining some activities that are just for you or you and your girlfriends or family is very important for any healthy relationship. You had a life before you met your man and the things you do to feel fulfilled should be continued.

If you enjoy playing the violin, doing expressive dance, yoga retreats or anything that helps you express yourself or feel fulfilled, should continue on whether or not you find the right relationship.

In fact, the right man would want you to do your own thing sometimes so he can do his own thing too.

A little time apart makes the time together that much more special. You don’t need to be joined at the hip to be close. Give him some space and keep your own life active.

4. Stay Busy

Don’t rely on your man to keep you busy. Instead, make sure you set aside time for your errands, special projects, best friends or just watching your favorite Netflix series. If you tend to become clingy, staying busy will help you keep your mind off your man.

Make a list of projects or things to do when you need to take your mind of your new relationship. This is a great way to distract yourself! Clean out a closet. Read a new book. Create a vision board. Bake some bread.

A busy woman is often a happy woman, so find some things to do and get to it.

5. Learn Something New

When you throw yourself into something new, it can be so exciting. And it’s a great way ho to not be clingy. Start a new hobby. Learn a new language. Join a new group.

Whatever it is, infusing your life with new activities or learning keeps you engaged in life and diversifies who you are so you have that much more to offer in a relationship. This is what makes you interesting and maintains a level of independence.

6. Call a Friend

If you feel your neediness rising, pick up the phone and call a friend! Sometimes you have to distract yourself from this feeling and think and talk about something else. Get curious about what your friend is up to. Discover what she has planned for the weekend or the summer.

Maybe you’ll have a good laugh or talk about memories. it doesn’t matter what you discuss, so long as you don’t reach out to your new boyfriend.

7. Spend Time in Nature

If your mind is running you in circles and you know an attack of clinginess is on the horizon, go outside! Spending time in nature has such a calming influence. Really look around and wonder at how everything works. Marvel over the beauty of flowers, clouds in the sky and why birds sing.

It may sound silly but nature can be like a best friend when you start to feel frantic and needy.

8. Train Your Brain

how to not be clingyIf you find yourself doing a lot of “What if…” this is where you want to decide who is in charge. sometimes your mind becomes a run away train if you allow that to happen.

Instead, you have to decide who is in charge. Is it the insecure worrier who will run your life thinking up troubling scenarios? No!

9. Know You Are Worthy

Whether or not your new guy recognizes how special you are, know that you are worthy of love and attention. That knowledge must come from within. If you are constantly looking for validating outside yourself, that would make anyone feel needy!

If insecurity is at the root of your clingy behavior, take time to build your self-esteem and self-worth. This is an inside job so to speak. If you try to get all your validation for a new man, you are sure to be disappointed.

Regardless of what happened in your last relationship or in your family, you deserve love Especially self love!

The Truth of How to Not Be Clingy

While I’ve shared nine simple ways to avoid being clingy, there are so many methods that could work. What matters most is your desire to overcome this potentially annoying and off-putting behavior.

Set an intention at the start of your day, “Today, I am worthy of love no matter what.” This is how you set up the energy for a good day and keep yourself on track to look within for all your validation.

Let some other woman take over the needy parade. For now you are off the hook. And that’s how to not be clingy!

If you want to learn more about building confidence and  self-love, you might like the Time to Shine program.

 

How To Be Feminine To Capture The Heart Of A Masculine Man

how to be more feminine

Wondering how to be feminine? Discover seven ways to capture the attention and heart of a masculine, successful man with your feminine charm.

Why Is Femininity So Vital?

how to be feminine When it comes to a man with a strong masculine vibe, he’s likely to be successful, decisive and a leader. This kind of man is very attractive for so many women. And, he’s the type who is naturally attracted to a feminine woman.

What Is Feminine Charm?

A woman with feminine charm is comfortable in her own skin and confident. She knows how to access her softer side and leverage her allure. Her Inner Goddess is not slumbering. She is deeply connected to her “queen” energy and relies on femininity to get noticed by high caliber men.

Where Does Femininity Come From?

Some women come by their feminine skills naturally. They learned from mothers, sisters or girlfriends or the skill is innate. Other women, especially those with extensive business success can tend to struggle. The reason? Because they are more comfortable using their masculine energy like at work.

Harnessing masculine energy gets stuff done! This is the same as being a chick in charge. Yet, that’s how you know you’re not using your femininity which is more intuitive, creative and collaborative.

Many women don’t see the point of being more feminine and even feel its demeaning. If you want a masculine man, it’s time to rethink that way of looking at femininity. As a woman, your feminine nature allows you to relate and interact more easily with quality guys.

Denying Your Feminine Nature

On the other hand, denying your feminine nature makes you miss out on one of the greatest assets a woman has. You may feel more comfortable and confident with your masculine business skills. However, that causes men to see you as a competitor rather than someone to date.

You will not capture a man’s romantic interest or spark any chemistry if you ignore your feminine side. As a result, many women end up in the “friend zone.”

Chemistry and Femininity Are Linked

how to be more feminine Sexual tension stems from the differences between feminine and masculine energy. The magnetic pull between opposites creates attraction.

So, when you take charge of “courtship,” by asking him out or asking to see him again at the end of a date, these actions dissolve all the tension! Bummer!

Your actions to get the ball rolling with a man can be a major turnoff to a masculine leader who often takes charge.

Stop thinking men are shy! If a man wants to date you, he will ask you. Don’t do his job for him. Be willing to walk away if he doesn’t initiate because now you know he’s not that into you.

How to Be Feminine – 7 Simple Ways

Ready to amp up your femininity? It’s surprisingly easy!

1) Nurture Inner Beauty

So much of your beauty is based on how you feel about yourself. This is an inside job! Take time for yourself if you want to amp up your feminine energy. A woman who pampers herself is a woman who feels good about herself.

I’m not talking about plastic surgery or even fillers. Not at all! For instance, you might get more sleep, take time for self-reflection writing in a journal or meditate. Maybe you prefer to workout, do yoga, or start a creative project.

Think about what nurtures your soul and alleviates stress and you’ll be on your way to greater inner beauty.

2) Tend to Outer Beauty

Every woman has her own sense of beauty. Yet, that can always be enhanced! Get a hair cut that makes you feel fabulous. Wear at least some basic makeup like mascara, blush and lip gloss.

Choose clothing colors and styles that make the most of your assets. When you take time to work on your outer beauty, your confidence builds. And that’s how to be feminine and what makes you more attractive to a masculine guy.

3) Live with Beauty

You deserve to live in a beautiful place. If you’re wondering how to be feminine, one solution is to clean your home and clear your clutter. Then you’ll be free to enjoy your decor and the lovely space you’ve created. Buy yourself some flowers and decorate with houseplants. Turn your abode into your own personal spa.

Your home is a reflection of who you are and how you feel about yourself. When you surround yourself with beauty, you are naturally more connected to your feminine energy.

4) Enrich Your Life

When you are passionate about something, you become a more interesting woman. Learn a new language, how to salsa dance or grow an indoor garden. Cook unique food from exotic places, develop your intuition or get into photography.

Enriching your life helps you build confidence and feel good about yourself. Plus, it gives you more to talk about when you meet men. Like you, a quality man appreciates a woman with interests, passion and her own full life.

5) Become Hospitable

how to be feminineHospitality is the art of making others feel comfortable. In the past, this was an expected area for women to excel.

How does this apply to being feminine today? Think about how you can help a man feel more comfortable around you. When you are gracious, fun, light-hearted and easy to please, you are easy to be with.

As a result, a man feels good around you and this is how he chooses who he wants to spend time with! Allow your feminine charm to flourish and be the kind of woman who is a remarkable date. This is how to be feminine.

6) Sharpen Conversation Skills

The biggest piece of good conversation skills is learning to really listen. Don’t worry so much about what you are going to say. Instead, pay attention to the man you are with and what he has to say. Ask him questions to clarify or learn more about what he’s saying.

Then if you have something to add from your life on this topic, go right ahead. This is how you build a strong connection. If you practice your listening skills, rather than gushing about your life, you will get to know men better and give them a chance to shine.

7) Leave Some Mystery

You may pride yourself on being authentic and that certainly has it’s benefits. However, the old adage “less is more” is equally true. There’s no need to spill your guts on a first date or the call or messaging before you meet. You want him to wonder a little about you.

This is especially true about your current dating experience or past lovers. Leave out details and change the subject even if your date asks.

Some things should be on a “need to know basis.” Wait a while to see if he’s worthy of knowing your private stories. You’ll get to sharing about past loves and what went wrong soon enough. But up front, let a man see your best parts.

You can’t know ahead of time what might turn a man off about you, so be smart and keep your intimate details private for a while. A little restraint allows a man to become curious. Being mysterious is so magnetic!

Attract a Masculine Man

There you have it – how to be feminine and seven ways to capture the heart of a masculine man. These suggestions are fairly simple and easy to do. And you’ll enjoy doing them all as well.

What’s good for improving your life and confidence will also make you practically irresistible! Imagine that – you can be an irresistible woman. Go for it and let me know how it works in the comment section below.

 

Ready to find out how you can attract the successful, masculine man of your dreams? Let’s have a complimentary conversation.

11 Not So Subtle Clues You’re In A One Sided Relationship

Worried you’re in a one-sided relationship? This is a painful experience that can eat away at your self-esteem. To settle this once and for all, below you’ll find 11 surefire ways to figure out if this is happening to you.

Is it Me or Is This Relationship One-Sided?

Do you often find yourself thinking that your relationship is one-sided? This can make you question yourself and wonder if you are making things up, too demanding or it just feels this way.

First, let me assure you that if this thought comes to mind, you are not likely making it up. You are probably picking up on real signals that something is off or doesn’t feel right.

I’m a huge fan of trusting your intuition and paying attention to your instincts. Not doing this will often cost you.

11 Clues You’re in a One-sided Relationship

Below you’ll find 11 not so subtle clues spelled out for you. The point is to make this really clear, so you no longer doubt or beat yourself up over this concern.

No matter how much you like this man, if you see more than one of these signs, it might be time to rethink this relationship because your needs are probably not being met.

1. He Leaves You Hanging

Your guy might talk about getting together over the weekend, but leaves you hanging about the details. This is called a “vague date” and is a way of stringing you along while he sees if something better comes along.

Definitely a clue that you’re in a one-sided relationship because he is only thinking about himself in this situation.

2. He Cancels Frequently

Maybe he does make a plan, but then he cancels. Often. In fact, he might cancel as often as he makes a plan. You feel like you can’t count on him to show up or follow through.

This is certainly not a sign that he respects you. Nope, this is another example about how he sees your relationship through his eyes only.

3. He Doesn’t Return Texts or Calls Quickly

When he reaches out to you, you always respond right away. Not him. He takes his sweet time and sometimes you have to text or call again to get his attention.

He says he’s sorry but, super busy with work, his kids, chores or a list of excuses. Whatever it is, it’s really starting to bother you. Could be he’s not that serious about you.

4. He Waits Til the Last Minute

Perhaps your man has a lot on his plate, so he calls to catch up and see you sporadically. That means he’s always asking for a date last minute, giving you no time to plan. You have a life too!

You think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and be patient. However, he is actually disrespecting you and you deserve better treatment.

one sided relationship5. He Never Makes a Plan

Some men just won’t plan ahead and that sums up your one-sided relationship perfectly. He tells you he’s just not a planner and likes to be spontaneous and his plans change frequently.

You long for a man with a plan, because although you can roll with this, it’s wearing you down. How can you go away for the weekend, take a vacation or buy tickets to anything? This is a big clue your relationship is one-sided.

6. He Doesn’t Take You Out

Your guy loves to come over, get some take out and watch Netflix. Nothing makes him happier than hanging out with you since he needs to relax.

Great for him, but what’s in that for you? Going places and sharing experiences deepens a relationship, so if he won’t even take you out for a meal, you know he’s not taking this one-sided relationship any further.

In fact, if your guy just wants to chill at home, I’d be  suspicious as this is often a sign of a cheating man. He can’t afford to be seen in public with you because he has another woman. Ask him who else he’s seeing to get at the truth.

7. He Doesn’t Initiate

Even if he responds right away, he rarely initiates even a text. When you want to talk to him you have to make it happen. That can get seriously tiresome and is definitely a big clue you’re in a one-sided relationship.

Once you get past basic dating, a healthy relationship is one where both people contribute equally or close to it. If you are doing all the work, you’re in a one-sided relationship.

8. He Works You into His Schedule

Your entire relationship revolves around his schedule and what is convenient for him. You put up with this, thinking you should be kind and patient and even try to convince yourself that it’s not a big deal.

But it is! If you always cater to him you are in a one-sided relationship. Some accommodations need to be made for your life as well or you are suppressing your own needs.

That is not healthy and at some point you’ll blow up for being taken for granted or treated like a second class citizen.

9. He Wants Emotional Support

This man has a lot going on and as a result has plenty to talk about. He reaches out for your support and this actually feels good to you. You assume he trusts you, relies on your wisdom and appreciates you.

The thing is, when you need something, he’s in a rush, too busy or wants to talk about it later which means it will never happen. Or he might sort of listen, but not give you his full attention the way you do for him. Seems one-sided to me.

one sided relationship10. He Doesn’t Share Much about Himself

This might surprise you, but when you take a step back and think about it, you really don’t know much about your guy. You have fun together and the conversation flows. But he doesn’t talk about his family, growing up, or his friends.

You’ve never seen his place or know little about how he spends his time when he’s not with you. This is another suspicious clue that he’s likely hiding something. Maybe there’s another woman or something else he doesn’t want you to find out about.

Time to start asking questions!

11. He Asks for Favors

Somehow, your man always needs some kind of favor. They might be little things like stamps or picking up something at the store. Or bigger requests like walking his dog, doing his laundry or lending him money.

When the man you’re seeing always needs a favor from you and doesn’t reciprocate or reward you for going the extra mile, that’s definitely a problem.

He’s a taker and he’ll keep taking until you are bone dry or explode. Oh yeah, that’s a one-sided relationship for sure.

What Can You Do?

Now that you know you’re in a one-sided relationship, what can you do about it?

Whatever clue fits your situation, it’s time for a frank discussion. Let me give you some guidelines to make a talk with your guy as productive as possible. This should help you avoid ending up in a terrible fight.

  • Plan what you want the outcome to be – If you want him to make plans, return calls faster or share more about his life, ask for that.
  • Ask questions without accusing him – Your tone of voice is very important as well as word choice. Think about what you want to ask and do so calmly. For example, if you’ve never seen where he lives, simply ask, “I’d like to see where you live. When can we do that?” Then keep quiet and don’t say another word until he says something. You can always follow up with, “Why haven’t I seen your home?” after, if he doesn’t respond well.
  • Think about what you will say – Be fact-based in what you say rather than emotional. That’s the best way to get the positive result you want.
  • Avoid tears until you try everything else – He might say anything to stop the emotional out pouring even if he doesn’t mean it.
  • Be willing to walk away – You can’t change a man, but you can ask for what you want to make your relationship better. That is your right. Keep in mind he might not want to accommodate you. Then you’ll need to decide if you will continue to tolerate his poor treatment or breakup and look for a better man.

Build Self-Esteem and Self-Worth!

The one-sided relationship is often a result of not valuing yourself enough as a woman. You might worry about being too demanding or think you should be more understanding. Most woman are TOO GIVING, hoping for love in return.

My dating advice is to build up your self-esteem and value yourself enough to know that you deserve a wonderful, generous man who cherishes you.

The decision to move on is up to you and how you feel about yourself. A confident woman knows it’s worth looking for a better man.

Love yourself first enough to know you deserve the best!

 

Want to know how to find a good man? Listen to this free audio program 5 Surefire ways to Attract a Quality Man

9 Unexpected Advantages Of A Virtual Date

virtual date

Thinking of a virtual date with someone you met online or a dating app? This is an incredible opportunity! Discover nine advantages vs. a regular date and why this is a great new way to meet.

virtual dateCan Love Wait Till the Pandemic Ends?

If you’ve been waiting around to start dating again, hoping this pandemic will be over soon, that might take a while. There’s no way to know when things will get back to normal.

The uncertainty is stressful for some people, but if you’re like me, you might see the surprising opportunity that social distancing has presented for dating.

Dating Is Big News Now

Articles abound about dating during quarantine for three reasons.

  1. It’s been some of the only good news during this difficult sheltering at home time.
  2. Dating stories get eyeballs. Something the media is always seeking more of.
  3. And let’s face it, reporting on dating during the pandemic adds another angle to these non-stop, repetitive Covid-19 stories.

Even business magazines like Fast Company are promoting stories about dating like this one touting the end of “Hookup Culture” and how Covid-19 saved romance. Turns out some see the virtual date as the savior of love!

There’s a LOT of truth to this way of looking at what’s happening with dating. In fact, many advantages have surfaced for the start of getting to know a new guy.

9 Unexpected Advantages of the Virtual Date

If the idea of dating right now seems ridiculous, I’m asking you to open your mind just for a few minutes. These advantages are REAL and offer you a chance to get to know men without meeting face-to-face.

While many of the dating sites and apps have been encouraging video chats for several years, it hasn’t been of much interest UNTIL NOW. Sites report a jump in usage of 200% and more.

That means singles are doing what they can to continue the search for love and as a love coach that fills my heart.

Here are nine massive advantages that I see:

1) Stay Safe

You can’t get safer than not leaving your house! That’s what a virtual date does – keeps you safe while meeting single men. This is a beautiful thing. No coughing, sneezing, masks, hand sanitizer or germs!

2) So Convenient!

Snug at home, you won’t need to find parking, a halfway point to meet or spend a dime on anything from paying for your own coffee, to food, parking, cabs or anything really. You can’t be late because you don’t need to go anywhere.

3) No Rushing Ahead

Since you can’t meet quite yet, you can’t rush into anything based on pure attraction and chemistry. Now you have to take your time to get to know a man because you can’t get caught up and sleep together right away.

Even if you aren’t normally tempted, this can bring a sense of relief for many single women, as there is no longer any pressure or expectation of sex.

virtual date4) Talk to More Men

Some single women want to meet one guy at a time and see where it goes. This is not your best strategy to find a good match since you tend to get attached when you focus on one man.

Then even if you red flags pop up, you feel invested and aren’t so willing to end things and get back out there. Understandable but this is how you end up with the wrong man over and over.

Since you can’t go on real dates, there’s no exclusivity. You can talk to as many men as you like to get to know them (as they will also be doing). How perfect!

This is my ideal recommendation for not getting prematurely attached before you properly vet a man.

5) Weed Out Undesirables

With a slower pace, you now have time to watch for men who show consistent interest by staying in touch, having a virtual date or two every week and asking questions to get to know you.

Anyone who talks only about himself, doesn’t have much in common, cancels or blows you off will be obvious. Then you can drop them from your list of possible partners and move on quickly. This is a HUGE advantage for not getting attached to Mr. Wrong.

6) Courtship Is Back!

Taking your time to get to know a man is what old-fashioned courtship is all about. To find lasting, healthy love, you want to discover if you have similar values, life goals and even your pace for living.

Compatibility is not always obvious, even if you seem to have a lot in common.

You want to discover if you’re a match about what you want in a relationship too. Some people prefer to be casual while others want to go the distance. Some want to see a partner frequently while others are good with once a week.

7) Get Comfortable Talking to Men

Dating is a verb – its an action you learn through practice and repetition. The more men you exchange messages with, text and talk to, the better you get at the process. If you’ve been out of the loop for a while, this is the perfect, non-risk time to date!

And if you’ve been dating for a while, now is your chance to hone your skills. You can become a better judge of character, learn how to weed men out and date without becoming prematurely attached. These are great skills necessary to find “The One”.

dating during quarantine8) Break Up the Monotony

Even if you meet men who disappoint you or aren’t a good match – this can be a fun distraction! If you’ve felt bored with the available entertainment, a virtual date offers a chance to talk to new people and break up the monotony.

9) There’s No Downside!

Seriously, I just can’t find a single reason NOT to meet men and try a virtual date. What can happen? You are safe from the virus and you are safe from sexual predators who just want to sleep with you.

So what are you waiting for?

Yes, you might fall for a man who decides later not to meet you. But is that the end of the world?

Try a Virtual Date Soon!

Life never stands still. Things change constantly and nothing stays the same. Everyone needs to learn how to adjust and adapt to what happens in the world, including DATING!

This IS what is happening – and most experts agree that the addition of a virtual date is here to stay. Video chats are not going away once Covid-19 is over (some day).

Once you try a virtual date and get into this, you might be surprised at how it adds fun and makes dating easier. If you want to learn more about how to have a great virtual date, check out this  post.

 

Discover 5 surefire ways to attract a quality guy in this free audio program.

 

5 Ways Beltane Festival Fires Help You Attract Love

What does the Beltane Festival have to do with modern love? First, let me explain what Beltane is about.

Beltane Festival

beltane festivalThe holiday dates back before Christianity to Pagan origins and celebrates fertility. Beginning on the night of April 30th with fire ceremonies, the holiday runs through May 1st ending with a traditional May pole dance.

Celebrate the Sacred Union

The Beltane Festival is also called May Day; an event that represents the sacred union of the God and Goddess at the peak of spring. Basically, this is a celebration of abundance, fertility, sexuality, passion, vitality and joy.

The focus is on conception and moving into action. Centuries ago, couples were bound together for a year and a day during this festival, and then free to part ways afterwards or remain together.

If you are single and reading this, you probably think the Beltane Festival has nothing to do with you. But, it sure can! Here are five ways to harness the energy of this ancient holiday to manifest love in your life now.

1) Abundance

The Beltane Festival celebration is focused on fertility and abundance. What if you could tap into that abundance to attract lots of men to date? The more people you meet, the better your chances to find one good match.

Women often complain about a shortage of good men. Shift that perspective to imagine abundance and watch the magic unfold! And the potential suitors show up!

As the temperature warms up, people emerge from winter hibernation and naturally become more social. That’s why this is the best season for dating. Singles are innately friendlier this time of year, so you have more opportunities to meet people.

Every man you meet brings you one man closer to “The One” for you.

2) Conception

I’m sure you’ve heard how love blossoms in the spring? It’s the traditional time to fall in love, hearkening back to the beginning of living a more stationary life with the advent of farming. Many animals are born in the spring as well.

This timing for coupling up and love is embedded in our very cells and DNA.

That’s why you want to take time to “conceive” your own love story and nurture it into reality. Leverage the Beltane Festival’s fertile energy to manifest your heart’s desire.

The more time you spend envisioning a happy love life now, the faster you can attract it. This is exactly how the Law of Attraction works. Like attracts like, so start picturing and feeling your loving partner as a real possibility today.

3) Passion

What are you passionate about? Do you love to take walks, paint, or learn something new? Maybe you enjoy cooking, close friendships or are driven by causes? Now is the time to get busy.

When you dive into your passions, you spend time doing something you LOVE. In turn, that makes you very attractive to others who are also involved. Following your passions is  a great way to meet new people, so enjoy!

4) Joy

via GIPHY

One of the best ways to feel more joy is to appreciate the little things in life. What makes you smile? Perhaps you like to feel the sun on your face, walk in the rain or breathe in salty air from the ocean. Time in nature helps people relax, feel more connected and hopeful.

You can find lots of articles about “earthing” or “taking a forest bath” which tout the benefits of time spent off the grid and man-made pavement.

There is no question that being out in nature has a positive impact on your energy, making you feel more alive. Did you know joyful people are far more attractive to the opposite sex? Whether it’s going outside to find your joy or reading a book on the couch – go for it!

5) Action

You’ve already “conceived” of the idea of falling in love, so the next step is taking action to make it your reality. What can you do? Here are three proven methods to connect with new people, mingle with men and find love.

Walk Your Dog

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Dog owners tend to be very friendly. Strike up a conversation with an owner at a dog park or any outdoor area. Talking about a person’s dog is a great opener. I personally know two couples who met this way.

You don’t need your own dog to make this work either. Walk a friend’s dog if you have to!

Make Someone’s Day

When you smile at others, you not only make their day, but you feel happier too. When was the last time you smiled at a man walking by you?

You can also “pay it forward” by covering the cost of a coffee for the person behind you in line. Bringing more kindness into the world will brighten your day for sure.

Open a door for someone with a big smile. Moments of connection and joy like this make your life far more enjoyable so don’t miss out. Try any of these ideas with the men you notice too! These actions can be great conversation openers.

Beltane Festival time is perfect for this sort of thing.

Get Fixed Up

beltane festivalMost people know about 250 people between family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, church members, etc. So, if you know 250 people, and they each know 250 people that’s 62,500 people who might be able to fix you up!

At 41, I met my husband on a blind date after meeting his sister in a bar. Blind dates WORK which is why it’s time to ask your circle of friends to keep their eyes open for you.

Certainly with everything you’ve just read about the Beltane Festival and spring time’s natural urge to fall in love should help convince you that this is a great time to look for and attract love.

I hope this has spurred some of your own ideas as well and you feel more motivated to get involved in creating the love life you dream of. Most singles do little to meet new people, so I’m hoping to light a little fire underneath you!

Want to learn ow to raise your love vibration? Listen to my free audio program 8 Ways to Raise Your Love Vibe.

 

 

7 Ways To Harness April’s Taurus New Moon To Manifest True Love

The Taurus new moon is perfect for manifesting true love.

taurus new moon The new moon is typically a good time to look within and think about what you want so you can “plant seeds” to manifest your heart’s desires.

New moons are fresh starts.

Every month the new moon offers a chance to think about what you want. It’s like getting a fresh start. And if you want the best results, that takes a little planning.

The night sky is darker than usual since no moon can be seen. From a spiritual perspective, you’re in darkness and can’t see everything clearly. Sometimes people you know have hidden agendas and everything is not obvious or out in the open.

This is why you want to avoid acting impulsively or jumping to conclusions. Instead, look within to discover what’s in your best interest. Learning to trust yourself and rely on your own intuition can help you navigate the darkness.

Characteristics of Taurus, the sign of the bull.

To harness the energy of the Taurus new moon, let’s look at what the sun sign Taurus is about.

Typically, the Taurus-born are well-grounded and have a practical nature. Many have a strong connection to the Earth and are confident and sure-footed.

That’s what makes the Taurus new moon wonderful for building confidence and self-esteem.

One of the key factors for attracting a high-caliber person is that you feel and behave like a high-quality person yourself — one who is confident and believes in herself.

Read the rest here

 

8 First Date Tips To Win His Heart On Your Next Video Chat

win him over

win him overMany dating sites and dating apps have encouraged the use of video to meet before a date. Now with the quarantine, if you want to meet a new guy and win his heart, video is the only way!

Chances are strong after this virus is behind us, video chats as the first date will stick. It’s a fast and convenient way to check each other out before that actual first date.

So, how do you ensure you have the best video chat date possible? Here are my eight tips to win his heart and make the most of this new way to meet before you meet.

1. Act Like It’s a Real Date

It may be just a video call, but it is a REAL DATE. He is seeing you live for the first time and checking you out (as you  check him out too). So, treat the whole experience like a real date.

Schedule a day and time for the call rather than leave it loose. Put it in your calendar. If he doesn’t show, then he might not be serious, might not be into you or dating, or perhaps something came up.

There’s no excuses for standing you up in person or video chat when he can text and tell you he can’t make it. That’s what a high caliber man does.

2. Create Atmosphere

Remember he can see you and whatever is behind you. If you want to impress a high quality guy, put away laundry and pick up the area that’s going to be seen.

Your home tells a man a lot about you, so take time to choose a nice venue for your call. He’ll see if you are neat or messy and get a sense for your style based on your decor.

It doesn’t matter if you chat from your kitchen, living room or den. But please, get out of bed for a man you don’t know! If you want to win his heart, that wouldn’t be the best first impression.

You can also create some atmosphere if you want to win his heart. For example, you might light a candle, display magazines or books, or have quiet music playing.

Where you live says a lot about you, which is why you want to think about this ahead of time.

3. Eliminate Distractions

If you are using your phone for the video call, then you won’t likely be looking at texts etc. However, if you’re on the computer or laptop, put your phone on vibrate and ignore it. Looking at your phone is rude on a first date. You can respond to whoever it is later.

Eliminate other distractions as well. Shut the TV off or don’t play music loudly so it interferes with clearly hearing each other. Keep your attention focused on each other for this first date if you want to win his heart.

4. Look Good

win his heartYou only get one chance to make a first impression. If you seek a high caliber man, then you need to show up as a high quality woman.

I’ve been reading about women who approach their first video date with a casual attitude. They mention how they wore no makeup, stayed in sweats and didn’t wash their hair.

You can laze around the house comfortably all you want during quarantine. But let me ask you this…would you conduct a job interview in sweats with dirty hair? Or hold a business meeting where you are in charge?

Maybe you would. However I don’t recommend it for business or dating.

The Real You

Some women say to me, “Well he might as well get to know the real me.” Interesting way of thinking and at some point he will get to know the real you.

However, the woman you are when you look great is ALSO the real you. The only difference is that’s your best self and he deserves to see that aspect of you! You want a high caliber man – step up girlfriend to win his heart.

I’m always fascinated by the idea of women wanting to “let it all hang out” and either he likes you that way or not. These are often the same women who complain that the guy made no effort at all.

Present yourself as the high quality woman you are, especially if you want to connect with and win over a high caliber man.

5. Enjoy a Beverage Together

win him overSince this actually is a real date, enjoy a beverage with your video partner. Whether that’s a mixed drink, glass of wine or cup of tea, imbibe together. This will make the call seem more real and give you something else to talk about.

When you meet someone in person, you normally can draw upon your shared environment for easy conversation. You might talk about what you are drinking, the music, the decor, etc. On video you don’t share the environment, that’s why the drink can help.

You might pick a favorite, so you can say why that is or something unusual to stir up conversation. Make this fun!

6. Show Him Some Warmth

If you want to win him over, you want him to feel comfortable. I often talk about how the woman should think about the first date like she is a hostess in her own home throwing a party. Men choose women who make them FEEL good, so be a good hostess!

That means you are easy to talk to and easy to laugh. You smile often and show your appreciation for men. This is not fawning all over him or false. But it sure will help you win his heart. Be happy, positive, friendly and fun.

Please don’t complain about your life or dating. Many women are so busy working in their qualifying questions, they never even consider that their date is qualifying them too.

7. Keep It Light & Fun

win his heartYou may be tempted to try to ask detailed questions of this new guy during your video chat. You’ve got a list of things to find out and figure why not do it right away, so you can decide if he’s worth your time or not?

That strategy will keep you from connecting and getting second dates. And that’s now how to win him over. Quizzing a man about why he got divorced, what he wants in a relationship and what his long-term goals are is NOT FUN for him.

I get that you want to know important details upfront. But is that worth the risk of having a good time and not getting a second date? No, that would be counterproductive for finding love!

Why Is This a Problem?

If you have some test a guy must pass, that is not welcoming, warm or entertaining. I guarantee a high caliber man will feel put off and lose interest. That’s no way to win his heart and there are plenty of other women to meet.

Plus, if you bring up his ex, it’s like she’s with you on this date. That’s not how to put him in a good mood or help him be curious about you! Don’t talk about your ex either or if you find dating difficult.

In fact, skip any problems you have and save that for another time. Let him see the good stuff first before you divulge other parts of you.

Collecting the data you seek on a new man with potential, is something you need to spread out over several conversations, vs. getting to all at once…if you want to see him a second time.

What Can You Talk About?

If you’re hoping to present your best self and win over a new guy, you want to stick to the fun topics. Good conversation includes vacations, hobbies, exercise, movies and TV, books, music and concerts, and how you spend your free time.

Most men are happy to talk about themselves and this allows you to see where his passions are. You’ll get to notice what lights him up, gets him excited and then figure out if that works for you.

8.  Say Goodbye

win him overOkay this is the hard part, but it’s such a smart dating strategy. Don’t let the video date drag on. Be the first one off and leave him wanting more! Allow him to wonder what you have to do or who else you might be chatting with.

If you want to win his heart and hear from him again, don’t over do the first date! This is such a faux pas and women make it all the time.

You think things are going really well and hate to end the date while you are still having fun. But that is the BEST time to end it.

Keep a man on his toes, so he doesn’t know what to expect from you. They like a mystery vs. a woman who spills her guts on the first date and lingers. That’s what makes a single gal look clingy, desperate and frankly unappealing.

Certainly not the behavior of a high value woman.

Let Him Close the Deal

Here’s another mistake women often make without even realizing it. You try to close the deal. What? At the end of the date, you say something like, “I hope to hear from you again.”

Setting up a second date is the man’s role. You want it to be his idea. That’s how a man becomes invested in winning you over. Let him do the work or you won’t know how interested he is. He might say yes to your offer, but doesn’t mean he’s interested.

Even when a guy says, “Can I call you?” there’s no way to know if he will. Sometimes men are nervous, so they say things that are expected of them to end the date and leave.

However, if a man is seriously interested, he will ask you out again. Maybe at the end of the date, maybe a few days later. Let him decide and approach you so you don’t risk emasculating him.

How a High Value Woman Wraps it Up

high value womanA high value woman knows she is worth the wait and has confidence in her choices. She doesn’t hesitate to get off the phone or wrap up a first date within 90-minutes, even if she’s having the time of her life.

At some point, when a first call or date rolls into 2-3 hours or more, the guy will wish it was over. Especially now, since there’s no hope of getting you into bed (although there is video sex, don’t go there if you want lasting love!).

Exit strategically and be first to wrap it up. That is how a high quality woman handles herself.

How you do this matters! If you like the guy, tell him you had a good time. Give him one compliment like, “You are so easy to talk to” or “You really made me laugh” or “I’m sure I could learn a lot about ____ from you.”

Then hold your tongue, smile and if he doesn’t say anything more, simply thank him and say good bye. Done!

If he’s into you, he’ll let you know. And that’s how you win over his heart on your next video date.

 

Still want more? Find out if you are making any of these deadly texting mistakes.

10 Powerful Stress Relieving Activities That Are Fun To Do

Looking for stress relieving activities to feel calmer and more relaxed? These are tough times! Check out these 10 things to do that are fun and will surely reduce anxiety.

Release Stress While “Sheltering at Home”

This is truly the craziest of times. Never before have we experienced the fear and drama of a pandemic. Yet it’s here, so we have to find the ways to get through it or go stir crazy!

Thankfully, there are plenty of stress relieving activities you can do that work quickly.

Most of these suggestions are incredibly simple. You might already be using one or two of the techniques because they are so natural.

In case you need a few ideas on how to release stress and feel calmer, I’m going to share a bunch of methods with you below.

1. Listen to Music

stress relieving activitiesIt’s widely known that music soothes the soul. You might choose easy listening, classical or yoga music, but  there is no question that music sets the tone. Melodies can affect your mood and even your rate of respiration.

Not sure what to listen to? No problem! Ask Alexa or Siri to play yoga, spa or meditation music for you. Try YouTube – my newest favorites are by Calm Whale – instrumentals using koshi chimes – peaceful and beautiful.

 

2. Be Creative!

When you get involved in a creative project or craft, your mind will be occupied. Creativity can fill you with energy that is positive and productive. This sort of thing nourishes your spirit and enlivens your soul.

One of the best parts about doing something creative is you often have something to show when you are done. How rewarding is that?

You could paint, draw or write. Maybe take out your old musical instrument and play a song or sing some karaoke with YouTube’s help. (My husband does this a lot and it’s fun!)

You don’t have to be super talented to be creative either. Nope. You could try embroidery or needlepoint or learn to crochet or knit.

Surprisingly repetitive movement has been shown to release serotonin which improves your mood and calmness. Crocheting and knitting also can reduce cortisol, the stress hormone!

JoAnn Fabrics and Michael’s art supply stores are staying open in many areas, considering themselves to be essential for helping people stay busy and happy. Or you can order materials online. Be creative!

3. Play with Your Pet

reduce anxietyTalking about stress relieving activities, if you’ve got a pet, now is the time to do some bonding. Take your dog for a walk or toss a ball. Play with your cat dragging a tantalizing cat toy across the floor. Talk to your bird.

Whatever the pet you’ve chosen, find time to engage with it to give and get some healthy unconditional love. Pets offer a heart-warming cure for loneliness, encourage playfulness and give you a reason to exercise. Perfect, just what you need.

4. Grab a Pen & Journal

Writing down your thoughts is a wonderful cathartic activity. If you find yourself in repetitive thought loops, writing it down can sometimes help dissipate the energy or worry. Another option is to write down your concerns and feelings which helps you release the negative energy.

On the flip side, you can think about and write everything you are grateful for which is a marvelous way to shift your mood and energy. Having a gratitude practice will help you feel more balanced and allow you to acknowledge what is already good in your life right now.

5. Watch a Comedy

One of the most fun stress relieving activities is to watch a comedy. Laughter is a known stress reliever and helps you reduce anxiety. Lift your mood by watching something funny, whether it’s a comedy special or a silly movie, you’ll feel so much better.

Right now many people are having watch parties and using applications like zoom or Facetime to discuss as the movie plays. How much fun is that?

6. Clear Your Mind

Meditation is one of the most powerful ways to give your mind a break. If you tend to churn and churn over current events, pick a mantra (a few words in Sanskrit or English!) and repeat them over and over for 10-15 minutes while closing your eyes.

For example, people often use “Om” which is called the Universal sound as a mantra. But you might choose something like, “I am at peace” or “I am filled with gratitude.” Pick a phrase that feels positive and is easy to repeat.

There have been loads of research studies on the benefits of mediation. What’s most amazing is how the benefits extend beyond this quiet time, spilling over into the rest of your life. You can even find guided meditations on YouTube so no excuses.

7. Breathe Deep

When you purposefully breathe deeply, you will feel a calmness settling into your body and mind. This is by far one of the simplest stress relieving activities available.

Counting the breath is highly recommended. There are several ways to do this. You can inhale to the count of four, hold for four, exhale while counting to four, and be still for four. Then begin again. You can also count slowly to seven on the inhale and seven again as you exhale.

If you repeat this 10 times or do this for even just 3 minutes, you will feel a remarkable difference in your body and mood. Deep breathing works to decrease anxiety!

8. Pick Up the Phone

stress relieving activitiesTalking to the people closest to you is one of the strongest stress relieving activities. Feel uplifted by catching up with your best friend or reconnecting with an old friend. Chat with a supportive family member whose positive outlook you can count on.

Chances are you’ll be lifting their spirits as well – it’s good for everyone. Don’t just text. Go the extra step to hear someone’s voice which makes a tremendous difference. There are so many nuances in the voice that can be soothing and affirming vs. texting which has no tone of voice at all.

Keep your connections strong because there is nothing like good friends and family members who are there for you through thick and thin. During difficult times like these when you are self-isolating, it’s totally worth making the effort to pick up the phone.

9. Get Grounded

If you are struggling with anxiety and looking for ways to relieve anxiety, getting grounded is fast, easy and amazingly effective. When you feel overwhelmed or that too much is going on – that is a sign you are not grounded.

You might also be unfocused and feel incapable of making any forward movement. Again this is where grounding helps tremendously. Experts say feeling anxiety can be caused by not grounding your energy.

How do you get grounded? Simple – just use this easy visualization and you’ll feel better in no time at all.

Close your eyes and take two to three deep breaths, hold for a couple of seconds, then slowly exhale. The next time you exhale, imagine roots growing from your tailbone and feet down into the earth. With every exhale allow those roots to dig even deeper into Mother Earth until nothing can rock you.

Excellent – now you are grounded!

10. Move Your Body

stress relieving activities Most forms of exercise are stress relieving activities. When you get your blood pumping and focus on your body, you are no longer in your head!

Whether you are stretching and breathing doing yoga, or running outdoors, you’ll be circulating more oxygen which is excellent for your brain and all your cells. Oxygen promotes healing.

Not only will the exercise keep you fit, but it helps you feel calmer. Moving gives you a greater sense of control over yourself which is particularly helpful when you don’t feel like you are in control (like a pandemic).

Stress Relieving Activities

The truth is we control very little in our lives, so learning how to RESPOND to stress and finding ways to alleviate it are key to living a healthier life. Now you have plenty of options to choose from.

Your next step? Pick one or two and do them! Try to do something every day. Or choose one of the quick stress relieving activities and take time in the moment to feel calmer.

 

If you want to learn more self-care methods for reducing stress and anxiety, let’s have a 15-minute complimentary conversation. Book your call here

 

How Can I Date During The Coronavirus Quarantine?

how to date during the quarantine

Now you’re shut in and self-isolating, how can you date during the coronavirus quarantine? People are so creative and are doing it! Learn what you can do!

Have You Stopped Dating?

date during the coronavirusYou may feel like there’s no way you can date. But is that true? Well, you can’t meet anyone at a bar or event. You can’t have a coffee date. And you can’t go to a restaurant. So, how can you meet anyone new?

There are definitely still ways to “meet” and continue your dating journey. But first I want to go over something that’s foundational to finding love that lasts.

There’s More to Finding Lasting Love

If you are looking for a romantic partner to share the rest of your life with, there’s a lot more to do than go on dates. When I work with my private clients, we spend a lot of time working on their “Inner Game” first, before meeting anyone.

Inner game? What’s that?

Your inner game is your mindset about dating, love, men, and your own chances of finding the right man. This impacts your ability to find love far more than you might imagine!

Indulge in Positive Self-Reflection

date during the coronavirusIf you’re home with time on your hands and going a little stir crazy, why not indulge in some positive self-reflection? Get to know yourself better regarding your relationship dreams, habits and what you’ve learned from the past.

Review Your Past

You have already learned a lot about love.  Take time to think about what you liked about your past loves individually. Go ahead and make a list about what was good in your previous relationships.

This review will clarify so many things for you when you look at everything with this kind of focused concentration. You might realize you need a man with a sense of humor, but he doesn’t have to drive a brand new car.

Your past experiences are worth reviewing if for no other reason, so you avoid making the same mistakes! This is an invaluable step before you date during the coronavirus quarantine.

Take Inventory

I’m sure you are an amazing woman and a great catch. But do YOU know that? Really down in your gut and deep in your heart. Do you feel worthy of a high caliber man?

The start of dating is like a job interview and you have got to know your qualifications girlfriend! So here’s what I want you to do. Take out a piece of paper and make a list of why you are fabulous and totally lovable.

Forget the humble pie – go for it and write it all down. Every last wonderful reason why some man would be lucky to be with you.

Now here’s a powerful secret – this is your solution for handling rejection that is always part of dating. Any time some guy doesn’t work out – read your lovable list and remember why you are a great catch. Then realize how his lack of interest in you is HIS LOSS!

Create Your Vision

Now that you looked at your past and you took inventory about yourself, you are ready for the next big step before you date during the coronavirus quarantine. Create your vision of your dream man and the amazing relationship you know is possible. Pull out all the stops and really go to town.

So many women tell me they don’t need to do this or they have already done this exercise. That’s OK – do it again. Things change over time and you want to keep your vision fresh and up to date.

Here are a few things to think about:

  • List personality characteristics
  • Name his values (and yours)
  • What makes him the right man for YOU?
  • How much energy does he have?
  • What kind of lifestyle do you want him to have? (healthy active, etc.)
  • What are his political views?
  • What does he do during his free time?
  • Is he romantic?
  • Does he communicate well?

How to Use Your Vision

Now that you know who you are looking for, make a simple, one sentence affirmation out of it and then say it all the TIME. Repeating it out loud when possible is the best. For example, you might say, “With the right man I feel lucky, loved and cherished.”

But also, and this is REALLY IMPORTANT, spend time visualizing and FEELING what your love will be like. That’s what makes this manifesting magic work! Imagine how magnetic you could be if you do this before you start to date during the coronavirus quarantine.

Feel the Love

When you FEEL the love as if it is real right now, that’s how you make yourself a match vibrationally to what you want. And that is exactly how the Law of Attraction works.

When things get back to normal you might think you don’t have time for this BUT YOU DO. This is something you can do while in the shower, washing dishes, while taking your walk or exercising, driving, on the train, in the elevator and more.

In fact, the more time you FEEL that love, the more real it becomes. Your energy will shift and elevate to the level of your desire! That’s what you want! So you’ll feel more positive, optimistic and motivated to get out and meet men.

Dating from Home

date during the coronavirusOK back to dating. If you can’t go on a real date during the coronavirus quarantine, what can you do? As you may have already heard since it’s all over the news as one of the only fun stories to report on right now, singles are having their first date by video chat.

You can use Facebook chat, Facetime on your iphone, whatsapp, Zoom, Google hangouts, Skype and a host of other visual options!

Now I just heard a clip from NPR in which a 30-something woman admitted she just wore her sweats and didn’t wash her hair for her first video date. Okay good for her, she let it all hang out and felt really comfortable. A lot of 30-something millennial men don’t care about makeup etc.

Pump Up Your Confidence

However, if you are going to date during the coronavirus quarantine, then know this is a “real”  date, even if you can’t touch or kiss. Wear something casual sure, but something that makes you feel pretty and good about yourself.

Your beauty is not skin deep – it goes to the core of how you feel about yourself.

Please and LOOK YOUR BEST to build your confidence. Okay, no ballgowns, but a really nice top and jeans would be great. A little makeup and do your hair. You only get 17 seconds to make a first impression and there are no do overs!

What Should You Talk About?

My #1 rule about first dates is not to interrogate your date. While you have detective work to do and things you want to know about him, remember he’s sizing you up too.

If you make this your private detective Q&A, he’s not going to think you are fun or want to see you again! No way!

Instead, try these fun questions and be sure to have your own answers for when he turns the table on you and wants to know how you’d respond.

  • What are you most proud of?
  • What’s a favorite childhood memory and why do you like that?
  • Tell me a college story that you haven’t thought about in years
  • Where in the world would you like your next trip to be?
  • Tell me one thing on your bucket list and why you want to do that?

Have Fun and Keep It Light!

Most of all, try to enjoy yourself. This could be a very entertaining way to spend the next few weeks. Meeting new men and having funny stories to share with your girlfriends.

You never know who you might meet and you might make a great friend too.

Remember every man you meet brings you one man closer to the right man for you. Even if you have a bad date, you didn’t have to leave your house, drive anywhere or pay for parking.

Just end the chat if it’s not working for you. No harm, no fowl!

Although, I do hope you give a guy a chance to get over any possible nervousness. Hang in there for 15 minutes, if you can, if you video date during the coronavirus quarantine.

No Risk Dating

 date during the coronavirusThere has never been a time like this before. This is completely unprecedented! It’s no risk dating!

Now, you can’t throw caution to the wind or get caught up in the moment and sleep with him because you can’t leave your house. So, he can’t break your heart by ghosting after getting you into bed and not calling again.

Keep in mind that with all dating, someone might be wonderful to talk to, but when it comes time to meet, they might disappear anyway. My dating advice is NOT TO FALL IN LOVE.

Keep yourself balanced by getting to know a few men. This was my saving grace when I was dating my husband. And it will also work great while you date during the coronavirus quarantine.

My love was a “slow dater” or a “once a week” guy. He always called once a week and we went out one date a week. That was it for 4 weeks!

If I weren’t dating other men I would have lost my patience and kicked him to the curb! But instead, I didn’t rush things and let him come around to pick up the pace. It worked – we’ve been happily married for 20 years. 🙂

No Excuses Now!

Now it’s your turn. Quit sitting around, feeling lonely and putting off your dating life until this craziness is over. There’s absolutely no need to wait – go ahead and date during the coronavirus quarantine.

Do your inner work and get serious about it. This is very rewarding and worthwhile. Right now is the perfect time for self-reflection.

I can’t say enough good things about how your inner work will turn things around and shift your dating luck for good.

Then, start swiping and messaging and find a way to enjoy the possibility of video chatting.

What if it was fun? What if it worked and you met “The One”? Please take advantage of this once in a lifetime, no risk, dating opportunity and give yourself a chance to find your dream man.

 

If you want to learn about more raising your love vibe, listen to this free audio program.

7 Unexpected Ways For Practicing Self-Care To Minimize Stress While Isolating

self care tips

Practicing self-care during stressful times is sure to help you stay healthy. If you’re feeling anxious about this worldwide health scare, (and who isn’t?) try these simple, yet potent tips.

Stress Is Building

self care tipsStates are shutting down entire school systems, restaurants are closed and you may be quarantined at home.

Or like me, maybe you went to the store simply because you needed a few paper products to find out they were SOLD OUT. And so was all the organic produce.

I’ve noticed highway driving is crazier than ever – people are aggressive, driving 80+ miles an hour and going through red lights on local streets.

All this stress is not helpful if you want to stay healthy.

That got me thinking – WE NEED TO RELAX! I sure do. What about you?

How to Stay Emotionally Balanced

But if you watch the news, it’s hard to relax. And even if you don’t watch or listen, there’s no way to avoid it completely. What should you do and where do we go from here?

There’s so much fear and worry. And chronic stress puts your health at risk in so many ways.

Managing your stress and taking care of your personal needs has got to become your top priority. What are you doing, if anything, to keep yourself emotionally balanced?

Practicing Self-Care

This is why I wanted to share my seven potent self-care ideas. Because the truth is, now more than ever, whether you have children at home or not, you MUST take care of yourself.

The fact is practicing self-care should be part of everyone’s regular healthy routine. Self-care is evidence of self-love. This is how you show yourself some love by taking time to de-stress and do what is in your own best interest.

The act of self-care does not need to be expensive or overly time-consuming. It’s really anything that supports your physical, mental and emotional well being.

7 Potent Ideas for Self-Care

You’ll find these ideas for practicing self-care to be rather simple and easy. That doesn’t mean they don’t work or  won’t make a difference because THEY WILL. You may already be doing a couple of them.

1. Breathe Deeply

practicing self careAdd a bit of deep breathing to your daily routine. Deep breathing sends out signals to your body that lower your heart rate and blood pressure. As a result, the amount of cortisol (stress hormone) pumped into your system is reduced – which is so important!

In addition, oxygen nourishes your cells to keep them working optimally. Here are a few simple deep breathing exercises from the University of California at Berkeley.

One of the most simple I learned recently from my friend, Krista Polinsky, Feng Shui Practitioner and Energy Healer. She called this “Box Breathing.” You breathe in slowly to the count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, then do nothing for four and start again.

After just three or four rounds you’ll automatically start to feel more relaxed and be able to breathe more deeply. What an easy way for practicing self-care.

2. Walk in the Sunshine

practicing self careIt’s not just an old wives tale – the fresh air is good for you. Being out in nature and getting some sunshine builds up vitamin D and gets you moving. Exercise is great for reducing stress and your cortisol levels.

If you can walk in nature even better – a great way to shift your mindset and energy. Nature is defined by plant life. Even in a city you can find trees, grass and bushes.

Walking by the water is ideal, since you can release an over abundance of positive ions that naturally build up. Water has lots of negative ions that literally balance you out.

3. Apply Essential Oils

There is a ton of research on the benefits of Essential Oils. The plant-based oils work on the physical level and your emotions too. There are several oils that help you feel energized and more emotionally buoyant.

I use doTERRA oils, known for being very high quality and pure. The more pure the oil, the more powerful the results.

While Lavender might be the oil that comes to mind first, practicing self-care in this situation calls for something stronger!

I created a special blend I’m calling Buoyant Balance that includes oils that:

  • Cleanse your energy and dispel despair
  • Invigorate and give you energy
  • Naturally lift your mood
  • Help you feel joyful and playful
  • Restore your confidence in people and the world

Get your own roll-on bottle here.

4. Catch Up with Old Friends

practicing self careSometimes talking to an old friend, one who knows you well is good for your soul. Remembering experiences, telling your buddy what’s new, reconnecting and having a good laugh.

Whether you’ve lost touch or just haven’t spoken in a while, you can still talk on the phone during  self-imposed isolation.

Pick up the phone and call – no texting for this exercise. The restorative power and connection are in the voice.

5. Listen to Guided Meditations

When you meditate, you literally give your brain a chance to rest from over thinking and worry. Some of you may meditate regularly, but if you are unfamiliar with the process, one of the easiest ways is to listen to guided meditations.

You simply sit in a chair or lie down and listen to a person narrating an imaginary journey. Following along takes you away from every day thoughts and gives you the ability to stop the circular thinking that causes so much stress.

I recently published the Blissful Heart Meditation Series which includes 10 20-minute guided journeys about love and your heart. They are not all about dating!

A few titles that would be relaxing and a great way for practicing self-care include Clear the Heart, Heart Healing, Open the Heart and Go for Gratitude. Every meditation starts with a segment focused on relaxing the body and breathing.

They are only $15 for the entire series or if you are new to Audible.com, you can get them for FREE !

6. Smudge Yourself

practicing self care In the Native American tradition, as well as several others, smudging is a common practice to clear away negative energies. Nonsense you say? You can’t see air either, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there!

To keep yourself emotionally balanced, buy a sage smudge stick which is usually a blend of herbs. Sometimes the sage is mixed with sweet grass or juniper. You can buy one on Amazon, but a local specialty shop will often carry this kind of thing as well.

You simply light the stick of herbs and then blow out the flame. This creates a fragrant smoke. Make calm strokes from head to toe, clearing both the front and back of your body. You might need someone’s help to get the back or do the best you can.

Cleanse Your Home Too

You can also cleanse the energy of your home by walking around your home with the smoking stick. Carry a small dish or shell under it to catch any possible embers. Be sure to crack open the windows or a door a little to let the energy of what you no longer need out.

When done, tamp the stick out against glass, pottery or stone, so no embers remain and let it cool before storing.

You are sure to feel lighter and freer once you complete this simple ritual which dates back for eons and is perfect for practicing self-care.

7. Someone Who Listens

Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone who is not part of your every day life and feel heard. A professional has the ability to be more objective and has proven tools and methods to help shift your mindset, outlook and patterns.

I can be that person and have helped women feel more confident, discover opportunities, feel more positive and love themselves. From this more optimistic place, almost anything is possible.

Click to try one session and experience how mindset coaching could help.

Wishing you love and well-being,