Asking how to get the emotionally unavailable man? Let me fill you in on what to expect as I respond to this question from a frustrated reader.

Handling the Emotionally Unavailable Man

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I was introduced to a man last year, he is 59 I’m 57. We had an instant spark and chemistry. He was living with someone, but they were estranged for 2 years and on the verge of splitting up. We quickly became friends and intimate on a few occasions over 3 months. Sadly, I let him go because of his situation and feeling like the “other woman”.

Six months later we hooked up again through a matchmaker friend of mine. Now four months later, he recently separated, sold their house and moved into his own place. We’ve been out socially and he phones/texts every day. We have feelings for each other but he’s guarded because of just coming out of a 20 year relationship. I understand, but I’m ready for a relationship having been on my own for many years.

The thing that bugs me is he is vague when it comes to making promises and doesn’t follow through. This is getting worse. I’ve given him space and not put pressure on him. But I feel he is giving more priority to socializing, singing in a band, work, and family than me. I’m down the pecking order.

What shall I do? I’m getting emotionally invested. Am I wasting my time with this man? Do I let him go and not have any contact so he can sort things out and to give him time until he is ready?

Thanks Ronnie,
Anxious in Alexandria”

Hi Anxious,

Yes You Are Wasting Your Time

When a man has been in a 20 year relationship that just ended, he most likely wants nothing to do with getting involved in another serious relationship. He was happy to spend time with you while transitioning, but doesn’t want any expectations of him about what that means.

You got involved with him at the worst time really. Men often say they are estranged, yet still living together. This is a great excuse for cheating. They weren’t split up so you were smart and let go.

Now he’s back and finally they really have separated. Except he’s been showing you he’s still not available. How? By letting you be so low in the pecking order as you put it. When you are not his priority that says something about how he feels about  you – like everything else comes first!

Is this the kind of man you deserve? One who is self-serving and puts you last? One who has been slowly pulling away? I sure hope you don’t believe that. It’s time to stop wondering how to get the emotionally unavailable man.

What’s He Doing to Show He Cares?

Giving him more space, still being patient, letting him figure things out – none of this is about how you want to be treated. Your entire perspective is about what you can do to get him. What’s he doing to get you? Nothing from what you shared.

Sadly Love Is Not Enough

Your feelings for him are not enough to hold the two of you together when he’s not doing his part. Your love for him is not enough. You need two people with close to equal desire and love to forge a healthy relationship. You are unsatisfied or you wouldn’t have written to me. So how will you take care of yourself in this situation?

Here’s the brutal truth – he is not emotionally available. He’s living his own life of freedom and isn’t making a move to change that.  Your relationship is going downhill and will continue to do so until either he stops seeing you completely or you cut him lose.

This is what the term “ghosting” means – men disappear so you stop wanting them. Most men prefer to avoid confrontation. They don’t want to feel bad about breaking your heart or aren’t even that aware. So they do things that make the woman break up or just drift away.

Stop Wondering How to Get the Emotionally Unavailable Man

The emotionally unavailable man is just that – UNAVAILABLE! Instead of wondering how letting him go will affect him, think about how that will affect you. You’ll be free to find a better man. A man who adores you and wants to spend time with you. The kind of fella who makes you one of his top priorities.

This man right now is highly self absorbed because he’s feeling his freedom. He may never want to be in relationship again. How long are you willing to wait?

I encourage you to have the self respect to move on sooner rather than later. You’ve already been patient. Realize how emotionally unavailable he really is and know it’s time to find a decent man who is relationship ready and treats you like gold.

You might want to read my post on mixed signals next or download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single

This woman asked, “Why won’t he ask me out?” She can’t understand why he’ll Skype but won’t meet her. Find out what’s going on and get help with understanding men.

Please Tell Me Why Won’t He Ask Me Out?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy on a dating website two months ago. We spoke on Skype for 3-4 days since he was out of country at the time and it was clear we have a lot of things in common. He asked me out on a date at karaoke but the day before the date we had an argument and I blocked him.

A month later he messaged me on the same dating website (I had a new account), asking me about how I am etc. We spoke again and since then we have been talking for over 3 weeks on a daily basis. He is rather busy, but I don’t believe in all this time he couldn’t find few hours to meet me.

Yesterday, he made some vague plans to meet over the weekend but nothing happened. So I told him that I don’t understand his behavior and we had a fight. I mean, he prefers to be at home on Skype for hours with me, instead of meeting me somewhere in person. What’s his deal?

Thanks for your help,
All Skyped Out”

Hi All Skyped Out,

The point of meeting men online and then dating is to separate the pretenders from the genuine prospects to find the right man for a lasting relationship. I see a number of things that should have caused you to disqualify this man as having real potential.

Reason #1 to Disqualify – Won’t Meet You
Given that objective, think about your experience with Mr. Skype. What have you learned from his behavior so far? He rather Skype from home than go on a live date with you in person. Is that the kind of man you want a relationship with? No way!

You want a man who wants to spend quality time with you – going places, seeing things, having dinner, listening to music, hiking or walking, dancing or snuggling in front of the TV. You are looking to enrich your life with romance, not spend time on the phone or computer Skyping.

Reason #2 to Disqualify – Fighting
I’m not sure what happened before that first date that caused a fight, but I would think that would also disqualify Mr. Skype. Do you want to date a man you fought with and blocked before you even met? That doesn’t make any sense to me.

Reason #3 to Disqualify – Won’t Make Time for You
I can’t help but think he would have cancelled your first date if you DIDN”T have that fight. He doesn’t really want to  meet you or he absolutely would have found time in two months. How ridiculous! Men who don’t have time to meet you are playing a game and wasting your time.

When a man is genuinely interested, he wants to meet you usually within seven days. Next time some guy wants to Skype, text or chat longer than seven days without meeting on a real date, don’t allow it. Suggest you meet to see if you click. If he has excuses, block him and move on.

Reason #4 to Disqualify – Vague Plans
When a man makes vague plans with you, he’s leading you on. He might be waiting to see what his best options are or he’s hoping to keep you interested by stringing you along. Either way, he’s again showing you he’s NOT Mr. Right.

A man who is genuinely interested, makes real plans with a day, time and place all spelled out. He makes an effort because he WANTS TO SEE YOU.

Reason #5 to Disqualify – Out of the Country
I have no tolerance for lying. I don’t really believe this man was “Out of the country” when he first contacted you. Why was he looking on dating sites while away from home? Sounds fishy to me.

Most people get online when home, not when away. My bet is he doesn’t live near you at all and so that’s another reason why he hasn’t met you in two months. Maybe he lives out of the country.

I advise all my clients not to bother with long-distance men – from far away states in the USA or other countries. Mostly these are men who are not truly available – they just want an ego boost by keeping you interested. They have no plans to ever enter a true loving relationship.

Even if they bare their souls and share intimate details about their lives, that still doesn’t mean they want a complete or real relationship.

Lastly, there are a lot of scammers pretending to be on business trips or in the US military and giving all sorts of reasons why they can’t talk on the phone or see you. Don’t even get started with a man who has limitations. Most of the time, they just want pen pals or emotional support, but some will want money. Be wary of this!

Why Won’t He Ask We Out? – The Real Reason

So what’s really going on here is this man is stringing you along. And you, having hope and trying to be positive, have fallen for his nonsense. When you get frustrated about trying to meet a man – that’s your single biggest red flag – DON’T BOTHER!

It’s time to dump him and move on. He’s clearly not available, might be married, might live far away, might not want or be capable of a relationship. Walk away, block him again on your phone and don’t be tempted by future contact from him.

There are better men, real men who want to meet a great woman like yourself. The more men you meet, the better your chances of finding a good man and the right man for you. He’s out there so make yourself available.

Wishing you Love,

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“How long should I wait for him to ask me out again?” is a common lament from single women everywhere. If you’ve been asking this question too, check out this post.

Are You Tired of Waiting for a Second Date?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy on a seemingly more relationship-centric site. We emailed a bit and then exchanged numbers. He texted me on Monday and asked when we could get together. Unfortunately, he was out of town the upcoming weekend but said we’ll be in touch later that week to set a day and time. He texted when he got back in town (almost a week later but did what he said he’d do) and we decided to go out on the upcoming week.

The date was actually pretty great. He was a gentleman and asked me midway through the date if I wanted to hang out again. I said definitely. He has plans both days this weekend and suggested getting together next week but I’m heading out of town for 10 days on Thursday, and I won’t be back until the middle of May.

At the end of the date, he gave me a kiss and then texted to say he had a great time and to see if I got home safely. He again mentioned seeing each other again but set no firm plans. He hasn’t texted since then.

I recognize it’s only been two days but in my mind if he was really interested, he would try and hang out with me before I leave. Is that an unrealistic expectation? What’s the appropriate number of days I should give him to text before writing it off as uninterested?

Thanks for the advice!”
Waiting in Wisconsin

Dear Waiting,

I’m going to answer each question in order and address somethings you didn’t even ask.

Relationship-Centric Dating Sites Are Hype

When you talk about a relationship-centric site, I’m going to point out that most women care a lot more about that then men. Some men might be more relationship ready. Others might join because they think it will be easier to get dates. But don’t think for one minute that kind of site automatically attracts men who are relationship-ready any more than other sites. It’s just hype.

Tips for Setting a Date

When a man asks you out and you aren’t free to see him, always provide an alternative time right then in the conversation. That way you don’t need to wait for him to suggest something. In this case – you won’t be free for several weeks down the road. That can be a problem, because he could lose interest, but there’s nothing much you can do about it.

You wanted to see him before you went away. Once he asked to see you again you could have suggested getting together by saying, “I’m leaving for a trip Saturday, but I do have time Thursday and Friday.” That makes it clear so he knows you want to see him and when you are free.

He’s Seeing Other Women

Keep in mind you just met him and he’s likely seeing other women. That’s probably why he’s booked for the upcoming weekend. He might not have time when you are available. This is one of the struggles of modern dating when everyone is traveling.

With only one date, he might not jump to see you again as quickly as you would like. Being realistic, it’s way too early to know that.

There’s a Shelf Life on His Interest

As I eluded to above, there is a shelf life on a man’s interest. Like a limited time offer. This is a fact and there is nothing anyone can do about it. When people travel that can permanently throw off the timing and squash the dating window of opportunity for two people.

Timing Is Everything

When neither of you can schedule a date, it’s very disappointing and frustrating as well. I recommend relying on this basic truth:  He must not have been the right man or the timing would have been worked out. Using this fatalistic approach makes it easier to deal with such disappointments when they occur. Think of it as “fate” that your timing was off.

On occasion things can still work out with a guy when your travel schedules were off to begin with, but it’s pretty rare. If you’re not available when he’s in town, he can easily find another woman who is. He’s not being thoughtless, fickle or mean – it’s just a matter of supply and demand.

Handling Difficult Schedules

For this reason, I remind women to suggest an alternate meeting time during the conversation so you don’t have to wait for him to ask again another time. Just set it up while you are already discussing options. This is the best way to work around difficult schedules.

How Long Should I Wait for Him to Ask Me Out Again?

Next, you asked, “How long should I wait for him to ask me out before I write him off?” As you said, it’s only been two days. Since you’ve only had one date it might take as many as seven days and this would still be in the ball park for a decent man to respond.

After seven days his stocks goes down for sure because he’s likely not interested enough to be serious about getting to know you.

I think you should wait a few more days before you write him off. This is a place when you can give a man the benefit of the doubt.

I often tell my clients not to be too generous with the benefit of the doubt. Many women over do it hoping some day the guy will come around and become the man they dream of. That NEVER happens.

In the mean time, why not meet a few other men to keep your options open? That is the best dating strategy there is to find love with the right man for you.

Wishing You Love,

If you want to learn more about understanding men and mixed signals, get my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means and my newsletter filled with helpful and empowering tips for women

Wondering what do his mixed signals mean? You’re not alone! Sometimes a man’s behavior is confusing. Let me radically simplify understanding men for you as I answer this reader’s question.

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

This is a complex situation. I went on a date with a guy whom I found really unattractive. But he has a great personality!  So I let him down very nicely and suggested we be friends.

Since then we have been talking on the phone every day.  I started thinking differently about him. I got to the point when I realized maybe I could live with the looks.

He suggested going on vacation together. I said OK but I would like to meet him for dinner a few times first. I had hoped to hint then that I might have changed my mind. He avoided meeting.

Then in last message he shocked me my talking about a good date he just had! He said they went for dinner and it was delightful. Then he had the nerve to switch gears and talk about our vacation again!

I was so angry, I texted back “Why don’t you go on vacation with HER”. Since then it’s been total silence. Do you think he was he trying to make me jealous? Should I cut my losses and stop communicating with him? I’m so confused about what to do.

Please Advise,
Candi from Concord”

Dear Candi,

You are right – this is complicated!

First, I applaud you for working at being open to his looks and taking time to discover he has other good qualities that would be good in a romantic partner. Very open minded of you! Sometimes attraction can grow, although not always. But taking a shot at it was admirable for sure.

What Do His Mixed Signals Mean?

Second, I agree with you – he is sending mixed signals about what he wants. Why would he tell you about dates with another woman and then follow that up with talk about a vacation with you? That makes no sense at all. If you have to ask, “What do his mixed signals mean?” that doesn’t bode well for a potential relationship.

I also agree that before going on vacation, you need to have several dates. You have to know someone before you take a trip with him. Spending 24 hours a day with someone you don’t know isn’t smart. You won’t know how he’ll be in person.

Phone Calls and Texts Are Not Enough

Phone conversations are not enough to really know a person before traveling with him. Plus, think about this – often a weekend trip is a right of passage. That usually happens after two to three months of dating and is a sign the man is feeling more serious about you. You are nowhere near that point.

You were wise to suggest this as a next step. Getting to know him in person is vital before taking a trip. Yet he avoided this? That makes no sense and is suspicious if you ask me.

How Can You Clear Up this Confusion?

You might be tempted to ask him directly what he”s up to. You could ask him what his intentions are towards you. However, even if you asked him these questions directly, I doubt you’d get an honest answer. That’s one thing I know about understanding men – being direct usually doesn’t work.

He would probably be evasive or change the subject. He might make up something and tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Some men are really good at this technique.

Most likely he would stop calling because he got caught at his game. Luckily you pushed him away by suggesting he take the other woman on vacation. Smart move! That shows you value yourself and have held on to your dignity.

Is He Playing Games with You?

It seems to me that he is playing games although I don’t know if he’s trying to make you jealous. When a man plays games, I never try to figure out what it’s about. I just tell my clients to, “Walk away”. For this reason I recommend not wasting time asking him anything. Why bother?

Instead, the simplest, smartest thing to do is move on. Something is not right and that automatically makes him the wrong man for you.

My dating advice for this situation is to stop communicating right away, block him and move on. Blocking him keeps you from getting sucked back in and giving him the benefit of the doubt. He doesn’t deserve it.

Signals of a Man Who Is Genuinely Interested

You want a man who wants to spend time with you, not just text or talk on the phone. I tell my private clients not to waste time with men who don’t ask you out and go on weekly dates. The smart thing to do is establish a “No Excuses” policy for yourself. A man might have a business trip or a vacation so you can give a him a one-time pass, but no second chances if he goes beyond a week without seeing you again.

Know Your Value as a Woman

A confident woman who knows her value doesn’t get caught up in wondering “what do his mixed signals mean?” She simply moves on knowing better men are out there. She doesn’t put up with substandard treatment, nonsense and excuses because she knows she is worthy of a better man. They are definitely available and out there to meet!

Men Who Are Relationship Ready Will Not Confuse You

Good men, for the most part, are not likely to be confusing. Because of their own clarity, they are more consistent in pursuing a woman they like. They keep promises, make plans, call and want to see you. That is normal behavior for men who are relationship ready.

When a good man sees a woman he’s truly interested in getting to know, he’ll move heaven and earth to spend time with her. He’ll want to schedule time with and hear the sound of her voice. He’ll want to see her and kiss her. He’ll make time to be with her no matter how busy he is.

You Are on the Right Track!

The good news here is you were willing to be open to see who the man really was and noticed some good qualities. Even though he’s not the one, if you are open like this when you meet new men, you will find a good match. You are on the right track!

Wishing you love,

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When should you stop texting him? If you text a lot with men, but it doesn’t go anywhere, here are 9 reasons to stop now before you waste more time. This is particularly true if you are seeking a long-term relationship.

What’s with all this Texting?

You meet a guy online and after a few exchanges within the site you move to texting. At first it was fun and even exciting.  For some texting offers a fun way to communicate. Perhaps you have a good sense of humor or are quick witted. Then texting can be a blast.

Will Texting Lead to Dates?

Of course you will need to text a bit at the start with any man. Most men want to text before talking on the phone. However, texting with men for any period of time can actually be a distraction and a huge time waster. Women get in the habit of texting with a man and before you know it feel a connection that they hate to let go of. They don’t want to stop texting him.

That’s exactly what I mean by a distraction – because you can fall into the illusion that you started a relationship even if you’ve never met. As a result, you might not push yourself to continue meeting other men who could be more viable.

So you settle in with a man you have a virtual relationship with that can sometimes drag on for months without a single date or maybe just a few. Yes, unfortunately this happens all the time!

How Can You Avoid Texting that Goes Nowhere?

You have to be willing to think long-term. It might not be easy to stop texting him when you’re having fun even if you don’t see each other. But that’s exactly what you need to do.

If you want to go on dates, you’ve got to kick the “texting only guys” to the curb. You can’t let yourself settle for a texting buddy hoping something more will eventually happen. It just doesn’t work that way no matter how long you hang on and remain hopeful.

Follow these guidelines below about when to stop texting him. These men are what I call “dead-enders” because they aren’t serious about building a long-term loving relationship with you, even if they text for months.

9 Reasons to Stop Texting Him Now!

1.He Gives You One-Word Answers. If a man is not holding up his end of the conversation at the start of things, it sure won’t get better. If you don’t want to do all the work, don’t keep texting a man who doesn’t even try to have a decent conversation. Spot the lazy guy and move on quickly.

2. He Didn’t Answer Your Last Text. Having a conversation takes effort. If he didn’t respond to your last text, why keep trying? NO ANSWER IS AN ANSWER and shows his lack of interest so stop texting him and move on.

3. You Always Initiate. You want to be with a man who is interested in you and pursues you. That means he contacts you first. The woman who always texts first is chasing the guy which does not work. He won’t get invested in winning you over if he doesn’t have to do anything.

4. You Haven’t Been in Touch. It’s been over two weeks since he last contacted you and he has this on and off habit. That’s your signal he’s NOT serious about you. Don’t bother texting with a man who is so unreliable.

5. You Don’t Talk on the Phone or Date. Texting is perfect when you first meet online to get a conversation going. It’s also a great supplementary form of communication once you are into the relationship. Or a way to tell someone you’re late or check in briefly. However, if texting is all you do with this guy, STOP texting him. You are letting him waste your time.

6. He Texts Late at Night. This is usually a texting  booty call. another possibility is that he’s bored and filling time. Or he wants someone to fantasize with. None of these are reasons to invest any further because he’s not doing anything to win you over. Do not accept his relationship crumbs!

7. He Texts When he Drinks. You only hear from this guy when he’s been drinking – the modern age version of drunk dialing. Clearly this is a man who is not serious about building a relationship with you and not emotionally available unless he’s inebriated.

8. He’s Big on Sexting. Do I even need to talk about this? Please don’t send naked photos of yourself to men you do not know and pause before sending them to men you’re in a trusting relationship with. Once out there – you cannot get those photos back under wraps.

9. He’s Tracking You. Controlling men can use texting to keep track of your whereabouts. If you are just getting started with a new guy and he seems so into you that he wants to know your every move WAKE UP. This is a sure sign of controlling behavior and his next step will be to tell you where you should and shouldn’t go. Walk away now before you get in too deep.

The bottom line is this – don’t work harder to get a relationship started than the man does. At most you can mirror his actions. Remember the best case scenario is when a man pursues you and tries to please, impress and win you over. He’ll never get invested in you if you do all the work for him – but he sure could get turned off.

Why did he lose interest so fast? This is a common and painful question women over 40 ask as they look for love. Here are some answers to help you with understanding men.

How Did He Lose Interest After the First Date?

Hi Dating Coach Ronnie!

So I met a guy online through an online dating app. We hit it off immediately and before we had even met he was making plans with me to go out and do things. We would video chat, talk on the phone, and text constantly. We had our first date a week ago (Thursday) which I feel went pretty well.

Like I said, we had so many plans and throughout our date he was talking about them constantly. It has now been a week since our date and he contacts me almost daily but its nothing like what it used to be. We don’t talk on the phone anymore and we hardly ever text, when we do he will simply stop replying after a while.

I haven’t really initiated contact with him, maybe once or twice, but just to say hi. I am just wondering if you think he has lost interest in me, seeing as how he doesn’t talk to me nearly as much as he used to. What is your opinion? I’m trying not to worry about it but I really enjoyed my time with him and was looking forward to the plans we had made.

Thanks,
Laurie

Dear Laurie,

Dating can be fun and exciting and also highly disappointing. That’s why I work so hard to help my clients spot the signs of a man who is likely to waste your time. Learning about the red flags will keep you from putting your hopes on the wrong guys and keep you free to find the right man for you.

There are many possible answers to your question, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” I’ve provided 10 below but please don’t be put off by any of them. I will explain why in the next section.

His Own Reasons

1. He wasn’t looking for more than one date
2. He had a good time but wants to see who else is out there
3. He’s just playing the field
4. He wants female attention but doesn’t really want to get into relationship
5. He needed an ego boost
6. He doesn’t know what he wants

Men and women have many reasons to go out, meet new people and date. But often it has nothing to do with getting into a serious relationship. Some singles go on many first dates because they are looking for a certain type of person. Or they just want to an ego boost to build confidence. Sometimes people aren’t ready for anything serious but they enjoy meeting new people. You get the idea – it isn’t always about lasting love.

His Reasons about You

1. You reminded him of a past lover so he moved on
2. He didn’t find you as attractive in person
3. You just weren’t the woman he’s looking for
4. He didn’t have as much fun as you did

As a single woman, you know you aren’t going to please every man, just like every date won’t work for you either. Yes you are looking for that special someone and most people will not be a match. But that is a part of dating and to be expected. So even though it seemed like you both had a good time, maybe he was looking for something else. Truth be told you can have a good time but still not want a second date.

So don’t take it personally when you get rejected after just one date. I’ve listed 10 possible reasons but you can imagine how many more are could apply. The main point when you ask “Why did he lose interest so fast?” is that we need to define how interested he really was in the first place.

Texting and Talking by Phone Are Not True Signs of Interest

That’s why I recommend not communicating a lot prior to meeting. I tell my clients to avoid long phone calls, constant texting and video chats. Why? Because that lulls you into thinking there is something really good happening. Women assign meaning to all the conversation and assume the man MUST really like them. Sadly, it actually means nothing.

Lots of Communication Boosts His Ego

Some men love to talk about themselves or hear themselves talk. They like to flirt, are feeling lonely and want female attention. All that communication is fabulous for the ego. After a conversation with you he probably felt he could hit on any woman with success. It makes a man feel desired and viral. And for some men, it’s a great way to interact with multiple women without physically cheating.

My dating advice is to text only a few times a day and never talk on the phone every night. You are a desirable woman who has places to go and people to see. You don’t want to let on you’re free every night waiting for his call. That doesn’t provide any mystery and men do like mystery. They want to feel like they are winning you over.

Then when you do meet, you wait to see how long it takes for him to want more time with you, call and schedule another date. When a week or more goes by, that can be a sign he’s really not that interested after all.

Since you had so much communication, you thought he was seriously interested which is why you asked, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” The fact that he is still in touch tells me he is connecting with a bunch of women to feed his ego. There are some men who do this which is why I advise not giving meaning lots of early communication.

It’s Not What a Man Says But What He Does

Making plans for the future before a man knows or meets you is a classic seduction technique. You are bound to like a guy who is already planning your future before he even meets you or during a first date right? It’s a way to guarantee you’re interest in him. Future plans only matter when you see a man consistently follow through with his ideas over time.

How to Handle Pre-Date Communication

The next time you meet a guy, text a few times a day, but don’t respond immediately every time. Have one 20-minute phone conversation and then set up a date to meet. Avoid over communicating and go out with other men while you wait to see if the first guy asks for a second or third date or disappears.

This is how to keep yourself from getting so disappointed and how you’ll know better than to think a man is seriously interested just because he paid attention to you. After a few more guys you’ll get better at spotting this red flag – the man who loves to talk and makes plans, but evaporates after a first date. Or worse the man who will text and talk for months without ever meeting you.

If you want to know about 40 other red flags that let you know a man is about to waste your time and is the wrong man for you, get a copy of my bestselling book on Amazon Is He The One: Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong

“Should I text him again?” is one of the most frequent questions single women ask. The answer depends on how many times you’ve already initiated texting. Learn what’s most effective.

Should I Text Him Again?

Can I Text Him Again? I’m So Tempted

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy online two weeks ago and we immediately exchanged numbers to talk on the phone. Had a great conversation with a lot in common and talked for nearly two hours! Then we talked again the next night for almost another two hours and discussed meeting in person sometime, perhaps for lunch, coffee, or even the dog park since we are both dog lovers.

I said that would be great and told him my availability. It was a Friday night so figured that weekend was probably too soon to plan something since he didn’t set a date, but thought I’d at least hear from him the following week. Haven’t heard from him since.

I decided to text him on Super Bowl Sunday (9 days after our last conversation) to wish his team well and said “hope you’re doing well!”. No response. Bummer

I’m confused because of how well we hit it off on the phone and he knows I’m interested. Should I text him again in case he didn’t get my text? Or chalk it up to him not being that interested, which again just boggles my mind because of how well our conversations went.

I also wonder if he is waiting until after Valentine’s Day since I assume this weekend will be a lot of couples going out and guys seem to be a little weird about that day. I’m tempted to text him again and suggest getting together for coffee or meeting at the dog park.

This would be the perfect weekend to meet since my kids are with their dad this weekend. But I just not sure what to do.

Please help!
Ready to Text

Dear Ready to Text,

I know this is hard and it seems like it should be so simple. You wonder why you need to agonize over “Should I text him again?” But that’s your tip off it’s not the way to go. You are right about that!

Even though its so temping to text him again, DON’T DO IT!

See, if this man was truly interested, he would be still talking to you. He would have scheduled a date and shown up. He would have asked you out again.

The fact that nine days have gone by since your last conversation can only mean one thing and I say this with a compassionate heart – HE’S NOT INTO YOU.

Yes, you had two great conversations. Yes he knows you are into him. But you can see that’s not enough. He has to WANT to take that next step to meet you. Even if you did text him again, do you think that would do the trick and get him interested again? I doubt it. He knows exactly what he has to do to see you. AND HE’S NOT DOING IT.

I’m not saying this to be mean. I want you to understand how men think so you stop wanting to text a man who is not interested. One of my specialties in dating over 40 is helping single women with understanding men. How men think. Why they behave the way they do. Revealing what is really going on.

So what is going on with this man?

• He might have met someone else
• He’s distracted by several women
• He got busy with work
• He’s not serious about dating or finding love
• He’s just looking for an ego boost
• He might love talking on the phone

Sometimes all a guy is looking for is a friendly female to talk to. You had a great conversation and now he feels confident about attracting a woman like you. So he’s all set and ready to move on. Or any number of other possibilities. And it has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.

But one thing you know for sure from his behavior is you have fallen off his radar. And that wouldn’t happen if he was interested. Which is why texting him will NOT get him back on that track. Even if he texts you back.

Adult Dating Should Be Easier

But it’s not. I know it seems you should be able to just speak directly about simple things like setting up a date. But age doesn’t change the dating game because it’s a mating ritual rooted in biology.

A man’s DNA is coded to hunt and pursue. That has not changed. So to be successful at dating, you have to live with the fact that you choose from the men who pursue you. If you pursue men, most will run – read this post to learn more. It doesn’t work.

So what’s a midlife single gal to do? Well the answer to, “Should I text him again?” is no.

You can be friendly to get a man’s attention – then he may decide to pursue. Women are not powerless! That’s what flirting is all about. You have plenty of power – the power of allure. Learn to use that. You can’t turn every man’s head but you’ll get your fair share of attention when you rely on your feminine charm.

Then know not to read into situations. They have to play out and if the pursuit is not consistent, know then to walk away with dignity. You deserve a man who knows you are a great catch and does what it takes to win you over.

My dating advice for you is not to read into a conversation has indicating anything. If it was fun – good enjoy it. Just realize the only thing that matters is did the man ask you out? If not, stop talking to him after seven days and move on. This way you’ll be assured of not holding out or wasting time waiting around for a man who has not proved his interest.

This applies to texting, emailing, talking on the phone, facetime, social media and even flirting. If you feel there might be something there then wait two weeks if you must, but never more. And two weeks is really one week too long.

Okay, now get back out there – there are so many men to meet and the right one is waiting for you.

Wishing you love,

Interested in a man and looking for answers on, “When will he ask me out on a second date?”  Read on to find out what you need to know about understanding midlife single men.

When Will He Ask Me Out Again? That’s the Big Question

You met a guy online and your first date was great! You had a good time and you know he did too. He texted you after telling you so. You’ve been texting for a few days which is fun. He’s witty and has a good sense of humor too.

But as the days tick by, you start to wonder when will he ask me out on a second date? It’s completely natural to be curious about this and even a bit anxious. Especially when you had such a good time. You really can’t wait to see him again.

You wish there was a way to make the phone ring. But there isn’t. You think about texting him to see if he’s still interested. Maybe that’s what you should do. But then you’re not sure and the last thing you want to do is ruin your chances.

Wondering when he will ask me out and waiting around stinks!

How Long Should It Take to Get a Second Date?

Not surprisingly, the length of time between a first and second date varies by the man and the situation. However, the amount of time it does takes is telling.

The best case scenario is when a man asks you for a second date while you are still on the first one. That’s always a good omen! If he waits just a few days, like two to three, that’s also a positive sign. In fact, anytime within the first week is optimal. If he wants to see you again quickly, that means you are on his mind,

When the gap between first and second date is longer, like two or three weeks, that might indicate a number of things that aren’t so positive:

• He’s too busy to date
• He’s not really ready to date
• He’s not serious about finding love
• He’s dating a lot of women and you’re not high on the list
• He’s not that into you

Yes, sometimes a man has to travel for work or has a lot on his plate. But these situations do not bode well for a blossoming relationship. When a man takes weeks to ask for a second date, of course you can go. But do not get attached or stop dating other men for him. While it’s true anything is possible, I wouldn’t bet on a guy who is slow to request that second date.

How to Know When to Move On

When you’re objective about what is happening in your dating life, then you can face facts. Not being asked for a second date within a week indicates he might not be the right man. The sooner you realize this and accept it, the less you’ll feel confused, hurt, disappointed or rejected by him. The less time you’ll spend analyzing everything you said and did and feeling badly about yourself. The faster you can move on to find the right man

There are plenty of men out there. Don’t set your hopes on a man you’ve just men. Stay objective as long as possible. Date several men at once – just for the first few dates. Most will disappear any way because they aren’t right for you and they know it.

Signs He’s Really Interested

See, the right man for you will WANT to get to know you. He’ll be EXCITED to spend time with you and will do what it takes to make that time. he’ll stay in touch ever couple of days. He’ll text AND call. He’ll ask in advance even if he’s going out of town so he knows he can see you when he gets back. His consistency is a true signal of his intent.

And that is exactly what you want. A man who knows what he wants and when he meets you, he knows you’re the one to pursue. Which is exactly what he does. The right man for you doesn’t leave you feeling confused or wondering when will he ask me out.