Ronnie Ann Ryan

Why did he lose interest so fast? This is a common and painful question women ask as they date and look for love. Here are some answers to help you with understanding men.

How Did He Lose Interest After the First Date?

“Hi Dating Coach Ronnie!

I met a guy online through a dating app. We hit it off immediately and before we had even met he was making plans with me to go out and do things. We would video chat, talk on the phone, and text constantly. We had our first date a week ago (Thursday) which I feel went pretty well.

Like I said, we had so many plans and throughout our date he was talking about them constantly. It has now been a week since our date and he contacts me almost daily, but its nothing like what it used to be.

We don’t talk on the phone anymore and we hardly ever text. When we do, he will simply stop replying after a while.

I haven’t really initiated contact with him, maybe once or twice, but just to say hi. I am just wondering if you think he has lost interest in me, seeing he doesn’t talk to me nearly as much as he used to.

What is your opinion? I’m trying not to worry about it, but I really enjoyed my time with him and was looking forward to the plans we had made.

Thanks,
Laurie”

Why Do Guys Lose Interest After the Chase?

Dear Laurie,

Dating can be confusing and disappointing. That’s why I help my clients spot the signs of a man who is likely to waste your time. Learning about the red flags will keep you from putting your hopes on the wrong guys and keep you free to find the right man for you.

There are many possible answers to your question, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” I’ve provided 7 reasons below, but please don’t be put off by any of them. I will explain why in the next section.

His Own Reasons for One Date

1. He wasn’t looking for more than one date
2. He had a good time, but wants to see who else is out there
3. He’s just playing the field
4. He wants female attention, but doesn’t want a relationship
5. He needed an ego boost
6. He doesn’t know what he wants
7. He was bored and wanted to do something fun

Men and women have many reasons to meet new people and date. Often it has nothing to do with getting into a serious relationship.

Some singles go on many first dates because they are looking for a certain type of person. Or they just want an ego boost to build confidence.

Sometimes people aren’t ready for anything serious, but enjoy meeting new people. You get the idea – it isn’t always about finding “The One” or lasting love.

Reasons He Lost Interest in You

1. You reminded him of a past lover, so he moved on
2. He didn’t find you as attractive in person
3. You just weren’t the woman he’s looking for
4. He didn’t have as much fun as you did
5. You tipped off one of his red flags

As a single woman, you know you aren’t going to please every man, just like every man won’t work for you either. Yes, you are looking for that special someone which automatically means most people will not be a match. That’s a part of dating and to be expected.

So, even though it seemed like you both had a good time, maybe he was looking for something else. Truth is, anyone can have a good time, but still not want a second date.

Try not to take it personally when you get rejected after just one date. I’ve listed 12 possible reasons he may have lost interest, but you can imagine how many more there are.

When you ask, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” what you really want to rethink is how interested he was in the first place. And this might be a good time to ask yourself if you rush into relationships. Even though you may be excited about a new man, your best attitude until he proves himself over time is, “We’ll see.”

Read more about rushing into relationships here.

Texting & Talking Are Not Signs of Interest

This is why I recommend not communicating a lot prior to meeting. Because many singles confuse texting or talking on the phone as genuine interest. But it might be he had nothing better to do. Or you were fun to text or talk to. Sadly, that doesn’t mean he wants a relationship, even if he says he does.

I tell clients to avoid long phone calls, constant texting and video chats before you meet. Why? Because that lulls you into thinking there is something really good happening.

Find out why you should stop texting him.

Women assign meaning to all the conversation and assume the man MUST really like them. This is especially true if a guy opens up and shares things about his life. Sadly, it actually means nothing.

Talking to You Boosts His Ego

Some men love to talk about themselves. They like to flirt or feel lonely and want female attention. All that communication is fabulous for the ego.

After a conversation with you he probably felt exhilarated and manly. Like he could hit on any woman and have success. It makes a man feel desired and vital. And for some men already in a relationship, it’s a great way to interact with multiple women without physically cheating.

My dating advice is to text only a few times a day and never talk on the phone every night.

You are a desirable woman who has places to go and people to see. You don’t want to let on you’re free every night waiting for his call. That doesn’t provide any mystery or chase and men like both. They want to feel like they are winning you over.

When you do meet, you wait to see how long it takes for him to want more, call and schedule another date. When a week or more goes by, that can be a sign he’s really not that interested after all.

Since you had lots of communication, you thought he was seriously interested which is why you wondered, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” His still being in touch tells me he is connecting with a bunch of women to feed his ego.

It’s Not What a Man Says, But What He Does

Making plans for the future before a man meets you is a classic seduction technique. You are bound to like a guy who is already planning your future before he even meets you, right? It’s a way to guarantee you’re interest in him. Future plans only matter when a man consistently asks you out over time.

How to Handle Communication Before You Meet

The next time you meet a guy, text a few times a day, but don’t respond immediately every time. Have one 20-minute phone conversation and then set up a date to meet. Avoid over communicating and stop texting all the time.

I also recommend going out with other men while you wait to see if the first guy asks for a second or third date or ends up disappearing.

This is how to keep yourself from getting so disappointed and feeling deflated. Now you know better than to think a man is seriously interested just because he paid attention to you.

After interacting with a few more guys, you’ll get better at spotting this red flag. The man who loves to text, talk and makes plans, but evaporates after a first date. Or worse, the man who texts and talks for months without having any intention to meet you.

Just in case you made any mistakes on your first date that may have turned him off, I recommend you listen to my free audio program 12 First Date Mistakes That Ruin Your Chances for Love.

Have trouble understanding men and want to learn how to weed out the wrong guys? Follow these tips before you sleep with a guy to guard your heart.

How to Qualify the Men You Date

Can you determine if a man is date-worthy before you meet or before you sleep together? Yes! There are certain things you want to watch for to figure out if a guy is seeking a long-term relationship or a fling.

This method is not fool proof, but helps you weed out the vast majority of players, men who want to be causal, or aren’t sure what they want. I want to be sure you have the insights you need for understanding men.

1. No Virtual Dating

I recommend avoiding any long-distance, “virtual relationship” with a man you’ve never met. Constant texting or phone calls without face-to-face dates won’t turn into the romance you hope for.

Well, 99.9% of the time that’s true and no matter how much you want to be that exception, you won’t be. A weekend together here and there won’t fulfill the close connection you dream of sharing.

The truth is dating long distance is a recipe for disappointment and heartbreak. If you meet online and the guy can’t set up date within 10 days, forget him and move on.

Common red flags include not being able to communicate from a “military base,” being in another country temporarily, and getting ready to move to your area. If he’s really moving near you, let him connect when he gets there.

http://youtu.be/gtO-qY9DEuw

2. Date Local

All sorts of men will contact you online. They will be young and old, educated and unemployed, single and separated, local and long distance. You have to make your selection from all these choices.

From my perspective about finding love and understanding men, dating local men makes things vastly easier. You don’t have to drive 300 miles or buy a plane ticket. You don’t have to worry about where to stay overnight or driving home after a few drinks.

Sometimes men use long distance as a way to keep you at a distance. If you don’t want distance to be an issue or a great excuse to never spend time together, the only solution is to date local men.

3. When to Believe What a Man Says

Listen carefully to what men say because most often they will tell you the truth upfront. If a man says anything that could push you away, pay attention and believe him!

A lot of men tell you on the first date (or before) what they do and don’t want. Sadly, most single gals think, “That doesn’t apply to me” and they ignore the honesty.

For example, when a man says he’s not looking for anything serious or a relationship, but is willing to get to know you to see what happens, this is a big fat RED FLAG. This is key to understanding men.

It’s his way of softening the truth https://youtu.be/gtO-qY9DEuw– he doesn’t want to get involved and prefers something casual. No expectations or strings attached.

Is your new guy inconsistent with his attention?

4. Don’t Believe Sweet Talk

When a man pours on the flattery like, “Where have you been all my life?” this is meant to draw you in. If a man comes on strong from the start or on the first date, be very suspicious. He doesn’t even know you! When it comes to understanding men, this is a tried and true seduction technique, so be careful.

Some men share deep, personal information to make you think they’re opening up and trust you. Women internalize this sneaky trick as, “He must really like and trust me.”

This is NOT true. Like sweet talk and flattery, telling you about his wounds is another seduction technique to pull at your heart strings.

5. Vet a Man Before You Sleep with Him

Hold off on intimacy for at least 5-6 dates to discover if he’s genuinely interested or wants to sleep with you. This gives you time to get to know a lot more about the guy.

Some experts suggest you wait until you have agreed to exclusivity. This is smart if you get attached quickly after sex. Waiting allows you to stay more objective and helps to weed out players who won’t stick around until you’re ready.

There’s nothing wrong with having a fling. However, if you’ll feel deeply hurt or heartbroken when a date doesn’t call again, wait longer than three dates before you sleep with him. That’s a big piece of the puzzle for understanding men, even though it’s really about you.

Discover more about the right time to sleep with him.

5 Signs of True Interest

1. Consistent Communication – Talk by phone at least once or twice a week. Texting does not count!
2. Weekly Dates – Don’t fall for the guy who is spontaneous and inconsistent. If he can’t fit you into his schedule when things are new and exciting, it won’t get better and you won’t be a top priority.
3. Planning – Does he plan your dates or call you last minute for the same day? A man who wants to win you over will plan ahead to make sure you are available.
4. Actions Match His Words – Does he say one thing and disappoint you by doing another? Does he cancel often or forget to call? You want a man you can count on and trust and that is a man who follows through and keeps his word. His actions and words must be in alignment.
5. No Excuses – Some men talk a good game, but then have a huge fight with his ex, the kids need him, he has to work late, or his headaches are back. All of these things may be true – but how often does he use excuses to get out of seeing you or making a call? This is a pattern to watch. If he cancels twice in a row, move on.

If a new guy doesn’t do just one of the above signs, he’s not totally doomed. However, when more red flags show up, they do add up, letting you know he’s not the right man for you!

The Benefit of the Doubt & Understanding Men

Some women give the guy the “benefit of the doubt” when situations arise. That is admirable. However, if too many of things crop up, trying to be nice or understanding doesn’t serve you.

Instead, it means you are accepting poor treatment and what I call “Dating Crumbs”. These behaviors and slights DO NOT improve over time.

During the first 3- 6 dates, you will see the BEST A MAN HAS TO OFFER. This is a classic sign for understanding men. So, if you spot problems and poor treatment in the early stages, get out before you get attached. Love yourself enough to walk away and avoid heartache.

Many women have told me they endured Dating Crumbs because they thought they should be patient and a guy would treat them better once he fell in love. That is NOT how dating works.

Men never treat you better later. The best you’ll ever see is at the beginning when he is trying to win you over. He may continue being wonderful, but a crummy boyfriend doesn’t suddenly turn around and become wonderful.

You Can Still Qualify Him

If you have made any of these dating mistakes, didn’t see the warnings, or qualify the man you slept with, please don’t worry. You can still do this now. And even if he disappears, you probably had a nice time and felt like a desirable woman.

You can learn what you need to know about understanding men and it will help you be more selective and choose a better man who has more long-term potential.

Reconnecting and rekindling your desirability is a wonderful thing! It wakes you up to your passion and longing for connection and intimacy. Don’t let this bring you down. Instead, let that fuel your dating journey.

Move on to seek a local guy who stays in touch, is consistent, makes time to see you and treats you really well. Observe what he does to win you over and hold off sleeping with him until he proves he is worthy of your affection and heart.

If you want more on understanding men and their mixed signals, download my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing today.

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? Don’t text him! This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Is He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting.

Texting is fun! Sometimes it’s fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees.

Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. Texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

One Date Followed by Texting

Sometimes a guy will text often and then ask you out. You have  an amazing date and you can tell he liked you as much as you liked him. Awesome! Trouble is, he continues the texting part but doesn’t ask you out again. or sets up a date and cancels.

Why did he lose interest so quickly?

Texting On and Off

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went.

Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows or stops.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you.

So when things slow down, you feel like you have to do your best to keep it moving to maintain this connection with him.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

What Is Ghosting?

If you are asking what is ghosting, the definition is when a man stops asking you out and no longer stays in touch, even by texting. He seems to have dropped off the planet, leaving you wondering what the heck happened.

Next, what is ghosting in texting and how is that different? Most often this is when a man has been in touch frequently by text, saying good morning or wishing you a good night’s sleep. Maybe some other little text tidbits during the day too.

Or he may get more in-depth in his conversation, share a laugh or something about his day. The point is, he stops reaching out and basically goes completely silent, leaving you puzzling over your phone as if it might not be working right somehow. At least that’s your hope.

Find out why he stopped calling

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

Does he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing; so why do men make dating so difficult?

I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.”

Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing.

You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are.

A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you.

You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Understand This About Dating

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option.

They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing, there is one leader and one follower.

As a woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

Follow His Lead

The same thing is true at the start of dating.

Follow a man’s lead:

• If he texts, text him back.
• If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER.

This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40.

It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE.

But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

Don’t Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what he does, you have nothing to lose. In fact, you have everything to gain because you will find out if you matter to him or not. You will understand his true interest level.

Don’t kid yourself or make excuses for the guy. Men know EXACTLY what to do if they want to see you. They ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy guys know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him. Or before you get to know him and discover if he’s even worthy of your time and interest.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
That is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose are men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  Men who don’t care enough to be consistent in their pursuit or efforts to get to know you.

Now that’s something you can stand to lose, right? Who needs a man that is just filling time with you or playing with your heart?

This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego, fill time, or chase away boredom and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or just sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Or exposing your heart to romantic disappointment?

Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than a week? Unfortunately, no, not really. It’s time to let go and walk away.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one.

The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.

When you don’t text him, observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential.

If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

Learn more about the mixed signals men send when you download my Free book on His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing.

Looking for first date signs he likes you? Here are five things to watch for to know if you can expect to see him again.

How to Tell If a First Date Went Well

Finally, you’re on a date with a man you like! Even better, you get the distinct feeling he likes you too. But, how can you know for sure? What are the signs he likes you after the first date?

There are plenty of people who offer dating advice on this subject. I have seen a lot that in this expert’s opinion, does not hold water.

The most common things are the ones that might just fool you. And that could be what your date had in mind to get you into the sack quickly.

Don’t Be Fooled By Sweet Talk

There are a few telltale signs that a guy is into you. However, there are others that sound good, yet don’t mean much.

For example, if he says he hasn’t met a woman like you in a long time, no question that’s a nice compliment. But, it could have absolutely no meaning beyond flattery.

Don’t be fooled if your date says, “I’ll call you,” at the end of the night. Many men feel compelled to say this because they don’t know another way to end the date.

Confusing as this might be, don’t put stock in this phrase since it’s actually most often a sign that he WON’T call.

Another comment that gives you a false sense of security that a man is into you, is if he talks about future plans.

Future fantasizing can be fun for a man who is a romantic at heart. The proof is in the pudding though – men who wax on about all the things you could do together someday rarely follow through.

Seduction vs. Genuine Interest

via GIPHY

Some men skilled in the art of seduction will share a good deal of personal information, hoping you’ll feel safe with him as a result.

Women often tell me how a date revealed intimate details about his life and they thought this was a good sign.

Why would a man do this if he didn’t feel really comfortable?

It’s an old trick and often works too. A man will draw you in with his story to gain sympathy and hope you’ll let down your guard. Then he can swoop in, so he can get you into bed that night.

Many women throw caution to the wind with a man like this as they get swept off their feet. Don’t be fooled by this technique.

What should you look for in a man? Well, that’s really a blog post in itself!

This post will help you think about how to find a man with traits you like and who is potentially compatible at the same time.

What Do Men Think After You Sleep With Them?

A lot depends on the man and his reason for sleeping with you. If he is into you, he might be thinking about seeing you again and certainly having sex with again. He might let future plans roll through his mind and be excited about getting to know you.

If he’s just a one-night kind of guy, he might be think about how he can get out of having you stay over or hope you don’t want to have a relationship or expect this to turn into anything serious.

What do men think after you sleep with them?  Some fret about performance and wonder if you faked your orgasm, or how he rated versus other men you’ve slept with. He could also be patting himself on the back for being such a great lover.

At times, men aren’t thinking anything about you or the future. He might have work on his mind and be running through what he needs to do tomorrow. They might feel hungry, tired or want to take a shower. Or simply fall asleep without much thought at all.

Read this post to discover three ways to decide when it’s OK to sleep together?

Signs He Regrets Sleeping With You

A man might regret sleeping with you if it only seemed like a good idea because he was drunk. Or if he feels things will be awkward when you see each other next. Another regret is if it was just sex to him, but he realizes you are really into him.

There are plenty of reasons for regrets, but this is how it might show up after the act. He…

• Gets quiet and appears uncomfortable
• Suggests you’d sleep better if you went home
• Puts on his clothes right away and leaves
• Is suddenly angry or unpleasant out of the blue
• Says he has an early day at work and takes off quickly
• Claims he doesn’t feel well and goes back to his place
• Doesn’t call or text the next day or the next
• Is slow to respond or doesn’t answer when you reach out

Okay, now let’s move on to what you REALLY want to know – does he like you?

First Date Signs He Likes You

So, what are the things to watch for so know you’ll see him again? Here are the five that I trust as positive indicators he wants more of you.

1. Calls the Next Day to Say He Had a Good Time

If your date picks up the phone to tell you he had a good time, this is a strong signal you will see him again.

Texting is easy and lazy. He could text you and then 10 more women. But, he’s not likely to CALL 10 women. Not at all.

So, if he calls and chats with you the day after your first date, you may have him on the hook girlfriend.

2. Strong Eye Contact

If your date gazes into your eyes for a good part of your time together, he may be signaling serious interest.

Consistent eye contact shows his comfort with you and a desire to know more.

Sometimes this might border on staring, so don’t be too surprised, but it’s not a bad thing. (Unless he’s staring at body parts and not into your eyes.)

And if you happen to notice that his pupils are dilated, it can be a biological response pointing to the deep attraction (or it’s too dark in the room – haha!)

3. He Leans Towards You

When a man is genuinely interested in what you have to say, he LEANS IN to be sure he can hear you.

This is typical body language that has been proved through tons of social research and you can bank on it.

When a person is fully engaged in the conversation, they want to get closer. Bingo – another of the signs he likes you after the first date.

4. Laughs a Lot

If you are truly building rapport, he’ll laugh easily and smile a lot. This might seem like a no brainer, but you’d be surprised.

Sometimes your date will smile some of the time but look off into space, around the room or down at the table if he’s not that comfortable.

When you’re engaged in a conversation and things are going well, there will be a good dose of laughter and a smile on his face for the majority of the time.

5. Asks for Another Date

Yup, one of the surefire signs he likes you after the first date is that he asks for a second date while he’s still with you!

He might say he wants to see you again or my personal favorite, asks when you are free.

My husband asked me at the end of our first date if he could see me again when he walked me to my car. Of course, I said, “Yes!” He gave me a quick kiss and started to walk away to his car across the parking lot.

Then much to my surprise and delight, he turned back and asked, “Well, when are you available?” It still makes my heart go pitter-patter.

This is the strongest of the signs he likes you after the first date. Nothing like knowing you’ve got a second date lined up to feel like you are on your way to getting to know him.

Text After First Date

Many men will text after the first date whether or not they plan to see you again. Texts that are more positive might include:

• I had a great time with you
• Last night was a lot of fun
• You made me laugh (or some other compliment)
• Let’s do that again soon – are you free Friday?

Just keep in mind his texting doesn’t necessarily mean anything. What counts is that he asks you out again.

Your Next Move

Now that you know the first date signs he likes you, what should you do next? Absolutely NOTHING! That’s right.

Leave the ball in his court and follow his lead. Let him call you and suggest a date.

Don’t feel tempted based on your good rapport to check-in, reach out, text about your day or call him.

Let him do all that which is the only way you’ll ever know if his interest is building or has dissipated.

When you let a man lead during the initial dating phase, you don’t risk crowding him, pushing him beyond his comfort zone, invading his privacy, rushing him and most importantly turning him off.

Read this post for more about letting the man lead.

Want details on how to find a quality guy? Check out my Free audio program 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Man

Have you ever worried, “Did I scare him away?” It’s possible. Find out if you’ve made one of these common mistakes with a new man.

Don’t Scare Him Away!

Halloween is about the fun of scary things and ghoulish stories. But the last thing you want to do is scare off a new man in your life. Here are seven ways you might inadvertently frighten your date away and how to easily avoid them.

1) Being Fiercely Independent

You are an independent woman who can take care of yourself so you don’t NEED a man. I get it. You might really enjoy your independence or perhaps you fought hard to win it. However, communicating this to a man does not portray as positively as you might imagine.

Most people, including men want to feel needed. They want to help with your car, fix stuff, carry heavy things or open jars.

A fiercely independent woman who is proud of her status can be off putting. Why? Because the guy you’re dating doesn’t want to feel unnecessary in your life. Truth is, you wouldn’t like that either.

You want to avoid bragging about how you can totally take care of yourself. But if you do talk about this with passion and wonder, “Did I scare him away?” chances are the answer will be, “Yes.”

Don’t get me wrong, your independence is fabulous! Just don’t flaunt it in your new guy’s face. Instead, let him open the door for you, order the wine, or pick up the check. Make room for him to take on the traditional role and “be the man.”

If you want to come across as an irresistible woman, then rely on your feminine charm. Find a way to genuinely be warm, receptive, and easy to please. Let him know you appreciate his efforts and say thank you.

2) Talking about the Future

When you meet a wonderful man, it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement! That’s the fun part of dating. However, if you start doodling his last name with yours or dreaming of a life together after just a few dates, you aren’t living in the present moment. You’ve jumped ahead into the future.

Please don’t plan your future at the start of dating someone new. Stay in the present and maintain an even keel emotionally. This is what I refer to as “Positively Neutral.” You are positive about the future and the present, but you remain detached or neutral.

When you stay REAL about your new guy and keep the pressure off, you allow yourself to remain more objective. Staying neutral is so important for making wise romantic decisions.

This is how you avoid heartbreak. And at the same time you don’t put any pressure on your new guy so you don’t worry, “Did I scare him away?” There is no rush. Take your time getting to know a man.

Anything can happen to move the relationship forward or to cut it short. Your positive, yet neutral outlook keeps you balanced.

When you lean into the future, you’ll appear anxious or needy – Oh no! That sets off warning bells and starts the downhill slide for a man.

Try not to overthink the future. Stay present, keep your eyes open and know that it will all unfold with time. Don’t rush a man if you want him to stick around.

3) Fixing Him

Let me tell you straight out – you cannot change a man. You cannot change anyone, except yourself and even that’s not easy.

There are only two things you can change about a man: 1) his clothing and 2) his hair, if you’re lucky. But that’s it.

He is who he is. Your attempts to improve him could easily be mistaken as a lack of appreciation for who he is right now. That won’t help your budding relationship. Pushing him to change is a great way to push him away and scare him off.

Women do make this mistake all the time! I remember thinking about a guy and wishing I could just mix together a good part of someone else with the new guy’s qualities to have the perfect partner.

We all have done this from time to time. But it’s NOT realistic or possible! If there’s something not working for you – pay attention to that so you don’t get caught up with the wrong guy.

Refrain from fixing him, especially in the first month or two, no matter how tempting it is. Appreciate who he is right now and if you can’t do that, he’s probably not the right man for you.

4) Invading His Space

I’m sure you’ve heard about the man cave. When you are first seeing a new man, he’s going to frequently return to the man cave because he feels really comfortable there.

You may be tempted to reach out to him, especially if you haven’t heard from him. DON’T DO IT! You’ll be invading his private territory. You want to be invited into his world – that’s how you know he’s genuinely interested.

No matter how much you want to, don’t call him, text him or initiate contact for the first four dates. Let him come to you with his own sense of timing. Don’t crowd him, get in his space or take over pursuit. This never works.

If he’s fallen away and you wonder, “Did I scare him away by texting too much?” it’s possible. However, if he doesn’t reach out to you, this lack of communication tells you he’s not that interested. His actions and efforts to connect are the only things that matter. Don’t just rely on his words – they mean nothing without his actions to spend time with you.

One of the best pieces of dating advice you’ll ever get is to let him pursue you.

5) Sharing Your Feelings

This is a must at the start of dating. Don’t be the woman who scared him away with your feelings. Women tend to develop strong feelings and it feels good to tell him about this. But this is often too much too soon for the average man.

Do yourself a big favor and tell your girlfriends instead. Give him the space and time to tell you how he feels FIRST. If not, you could be waiting for a long time to hear those three words that slipped out of your out of your mouth way too soon, “I love you.”

6) Spying on Him

If you stalk him on social media looking for what your guy is up to and saying, you are getting in too deep. What is going on that you need to spy on him? He might not be showing enough interest in you or giving you the kind of attention you want.

Notice if that’s true. If so, that lets you know he might not be the right man for you. Unfortunately, you can’t make someone like you or want a close relationship. Either he wants you in his life as his close romantic companion or he doesn’t.

If you are feeling insecure and this is making you spy on him, wake up. Build your self worth and confidence and go do something fun. stalking him and snooping will not make him like you more. But if he catches you doing this, that’s a surefire way to scare him away.

7) Being Hard to Please

Maybe you are very particular. You like things the way you like them. I get it. You are entitled to have what you want, of course! But how important is this on the first few dates?

If he picks a restaurant you don’t like at all that’s one thing. But if he picks one Italian restaurant and you prefer another, see if you can just go along with his choice this time. You can make your suggestion next time.

On the other hand if you are insistent about where or when or other details and require several calls to set up a single date, he might think you aren’t worth the trouble.

Don’t do this to yourself! Otherwise you might find yourself asking, “Did I scare him away?” Yup, you did.

The last thing you want is to appear picky or difficult. Men like women who are confident, easy to please and fun to be with. That doesn’t mean you have to give up your preferences! Not at all. However, you can ease into them right?

Give a man a chance to get to know you and if he likes you, he’ll likely STRIVE to please you. You’ve got this.

Enjoy the Magic of a New Relationship

There are many more chilling things women do to chase men away, like not returning phone calls, talking about your ex, complaining that all men stink, going on and on about your kids, etc.

So, if you’re dating someone who seems to be a good catch, smile at him, praise his efforts, give him a warm reception and enjoy the magic that is the start of a new relationship.

Happy Halloween!

Get more tips on how to attract a quality guy with this eye-opening, Free audio program.

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He won’t take down his online profile and that is driving you over the edge. Here’s why and what you need to know about understanding men.

Why Is He Still Online?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy on Tinder when I was traveling for work. I lived in a different state and at the time didn’t think it would be more than the one date. But we kept messaging daily and caught up the next time I was back and he’s come to see me a couple of times as well.

Fast forward 10 months – he confessed he loves me and wants to try to make it work despite the odds and the distance. When we became ‘exclusive,’ we had a discussion about him still being on Tinder.

He said it was out of boredom and for validation and said he’d delete it. Turns out he hasn’t. The frequency of his communication has increased and every call ends with saying how much he loves and misses me.

He Won’t Take Down His Online Profile

I really don’t know how to discuss this with him and wonder whether it’s because he gets bored or lonely or if it’s something more and he’s looking for someone closer. We joked about it last time I saw him. I asked why he wanted to be with me when it would be easier to find someone closer. He said he just wants to be with me and there is no one else.

I want to confront him about it, but I don’t know how. I think it would have to be when we next see each other in a few weeks so I can gauge his reaction properly, but I honestly don’t know what to believe or what I want to believe.

Thanks Ronnie,
Holding My Breath”

Getting to Exclusivity

Dear Holding,

This is such a difficult position to be in so I understand why you feel uncomfortable. On top of this, you have already discussed exclusivity and taking down his profile. He agreed and DIDN’T DO IT! So that leaves you wondering, “Now what?”

The best way to look at this situation is to ignore his reasons for still being online. Yes, do not worry why he won’t take down his online profile.

The truth is IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY – if he’s bored, lonely or wants someone closer geographically.

What does matter? How you want to be treated! You want to be respected and he is not giving you that respect.

This man professes his love for you, yet didn’t follow through on your simple request to take down his profile. That tells you he values staying online more than making you happy. Not a good sign for your hopes of lasting love.

Words Are Not Enough

Calling you, texting, expressing his love – all of these are nice, but not enough for lasting love.  You need a man who is committed to you and your relationship.

The man you want needs to value your love and therefore won’t do anything to mess that up.  A man who keeps his word and does what he says.

That doesn’t describe your current guy.

Where Is the Relationship Going?

I do have a big question – where do you see this relationship going? Are you hoping one of you will move to live near or with the other?

Keeping a long distance relationship going is a lot more work than when you live close by. What are your hopes? Because if you don’t see this progressing to living together or marriage, why go through all this?

How Do You Confront Him About His Profile?

When he won’t take down his online profile, I’m not sure bringing this up in person will make a difference. And, if things don’t go your way, that could be really awkward.

The phone will be easier. Bring it up directly without prefacing the discussion with, “We have to talk.” That language puts a man on high alert.

You could simply say, “10 months ago you told me you’d take your profile down but, it’s still up. That isn’t working for me. I want to be with a man who keeps his word. You want us to be together and exclusive, so will you please take your profile down today?”

Then listen to how he reacts and what he says. Keep this in mind: There are NO ACCEPTABLE EXCUSES or time to think about it. The only answer he can offer is, “Yes, I will do it today.” And then he does it.

If not, how can you possibly continue and have any self-respect?

Stick to Your Ultimatum

However, for this to work you have to be willing to hold up your end. The last line in your question about not knowing what to believe or even what you WANT to believe is the tip off you might be wavering.

Asking him to take down the profile is an ultimatum, so you have to be willing to stop seeing him and walk away if he won’t take his profile down immediately.

You must stand behind your words just like you want him to do. Are you OK with that?

The point of the ultimatum is NOT to get him to change. He has to WANT to do that on his own.

You are just letting him know this is the end of the line if he won’t take down his online profile. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect and if you don’t get that, you are moving on.

The real purpose of an ultimatum is to do what is right for you. Can you stay with a man who will not stop looking for other women after all this time? You simply can’t if you want to maintain your dignity and value yourself.

This is his chance to decide what he wants – and your chance to respond accordingly. If you don’t honor your own ultimatum, he won’t take down his online profile.

Stand Up for Yourself

This is how you know you are with the right man: when you are not afraid to ask for something or discuss anything that doesn’t work for you.

You cannot maintain a healthy relationship if you are unwilling to do this. When the man you’re dating is unwilling to talk things through or keep his word, he can’t be the Right Man for you.

Take the chance to ask about this and then follow through. If he’s not the guy, there are other good men out there waiting to meet a great gal like you.

Don’t put up with vague exclusivity which is actually no exclusivity. You deserve the real thing when it comes to love and a lasting, healthy, romantic relationship.

The bottom line is, if he won’t take down his online profile, you won’t be with him any more. Case closed.

Want to know more about understanding men’s mixed signals? Download this free book now, His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing!