Author Archives: Ronnie Ann Ryan

Do You Rush Into Relationships? 5 Smart Reasons NOT To Lean In

Do you rush into relationships only to be devastated when it ends as quickly as it began? Here are seven smart reasons to NOT lean in and take your time instead.

rush into relationshipsWhy Rushing into a Relationship Leads to Heartbreak

No one wants to date. Well certainly most single women looking for love don’t want to. One of the first things out a potential new client’s mouth is how she wants to meet the right man and would rather avoid dating.

Okay, I get it. You think dating is not fun. That’s why you rather get on with the relationship piece. That’s what you are looking forward to. Trouble is, how can you get into relationship without DATING? Dating is inescapable if you want to find love with the right man. It’s like a right of passage. There’s no way to find “The One” without sampling some of the available single men.

Desire for an Instant Relationship

The desire for an instant relationship is very strong among women over 40. When you click with a man, you want to over forward with things as quickly as possible. It’s like you are standing at the starting gate of a race, waiting for the flog to come down while repeating the mantra, “OK, let’s go!”

Truth is, I felt this exact same way myself when I was 40, still single and decided to finally DO SOMETHING about it. I told my friends I didn’t want to date, just meet my husband.

I did find an adorable man who became my husband (we’ve been together happily for nearly 18 years!). But, it took 15 months and 30 men before I met him – Paul was #30.

Four Seasons

It takes TIME to get to know a man and to see if you actually are compatible or simply enjoying a heck of an infatuation. Experts and Therapists agree it takes all four seasons to know if you have a chance at lasting love. In other words, if you have two good dates, don’t start ring shopping.

If you’re the kind of woman who rushes into relationships, I’m going to give you seven super smart reasons to take your time and slow things down. These insights will help you get clear on why rushing can ruin your chances for lasting love.

What’s the Rush?

Before you start planning your bright future together and picturing how wonderful it will be, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What’s the rush?” I know when you meet a good man, you just want things to evolve quickly into everything you ever hoped for. However, rushing is not the wisest plan.

there’s a book published a few years ago called “Lean In. The author encourages women to go for it or lean in. This is great for your career, but big trouble for your love life and heart. Here’s why.

5 Smart Reasons Not to Rush Into Relationships


1) Lost in the Fantasy

Some women fall in love before they even meet the man. They have amazing texting or great phone conversations and fall in love with the idea that there’s a man out there who cares. This is human nature – the desire for love and support in a day and age when isolation has become more common than ever.

Even if you’ve had a two-three dates that went amazingly well, and he seems so into you, you still have no idea who that guy is or what he really wants. Some men will do and say anything just to get you into bed one time. Others don’t know what they want, don’t want to commit, or simply need an ego boost and some female attention.

There are surprisingly countless reasons why a man spends time with you but, isn’t the least bit serious and there’s only one way to find out…it takes TIME. Like 8-12 weeks with weekly dates if not more, and regular phone conversations and texting.

Once you are lost in the fantasy with a new man, you are the MOST VULNERABLE TO HEARTBREAK. And then you’ll need healing and time to fully recover.

2) Prematurely Attached

You meet a man who seems like he is made to order! His looks, his charm, his sense of humor and style. Baby you’re in LOVE. You find yourself completely attached before you know much about him because you are thinking strictly with your heart (or maybe your “loins”) and not your head.

The problem is, even when you start to notice red flags, it’s too late because you are ATTACHED. You have become emotionally invested with your heart set on THIS man. There’s no shaking you lose and this is how you end up with the wrong man who looked so right at the start.

3) Completely Off Balance

When you are lost in the fantasy and attached prematurely, you no longer have any sense of balance.  As you rush into relationships, you don’t take time to stay in the present moment. That’s what it means when people say they are “head over heels” in love. This lovely euphemism actually means you are tumbling out of control.

Then, as things go wrong, the situation becomes dire and hits you like a ton of bricks. You end up broken hearted  after just a few dates, over emphasizing the impact this man has on your life. If you are panic-stricken when a man doesn’t call again after two -three dates, that’s a sure sign you are off balance.

4) Stop Being Objective

Once you decide the new guy you’re seeing is IT, you lose all hope of being objective. Should any red flags pop up, you will ignore them or make excuses for him. You willingly over-extend the kindness of the benefit of the doubt, overlooking bad behavior  or poor communication.

You are totally smitten and if you honest with yourself, you know you are no longer connected to basic common sense. Your heart is totally in charge and you have little chance of making a decision about your future based on clear thinking.

Yet, your objectivity is ESSENTIAL in dating because it’s the only thing that keeps you from getting involved with a man who is wrong for you. A man who doesn’t show you the proper respect, have the same long-term agenda, or love you the way you want to be loved will be your sole focus to your own detriment. But you’re in love and can’t help it! Oh no…it’s a runaway train

5) Shut Down Your Options

Since you didn’t want to date in the first place, the minute you connect with a decent man, you stop looking. You might stop checking emails on dating sites or apps or stop browsing for other men of interest. You rather see what happens with THIS guy and take your chances. Sadly, this choice will only hurt you.

Shutting down your search before you know you’ve found “The One” is often the cause for dating a man who doesn’t meet your needs. You feel locked in thinking there are no other choices! But, that is only because you stopped looking.

There are always more men to meet.

The Purpose of Dating

The point of dating is to sort through prospects to find the right man for you. It’s not to rush into relationships with the first man who pays attention to you. That will never serve you. Learning how to slow the process down will help you avoid all the pitfall of when you  rush into relationships. You’ll side step getting lost in fantasy,  being prematurely attached, becoming off balance, losing your objectivity and shutting down your options.

If you truly want to find the best match, taking your time is a must. The only way to avoid heartbreak is to SLOW DOWN. You want to see that a man makes you a priority and is consistent with his time and attention over many weeks.

A man needs to prove himself worthy of your love and devotion. To give your heart away before you know he’s “The One” is a surefire recipe for devastation and potentially an unwillingness to keep dating.

It’s a Balancing Act

Dating is sort of a balancing act, like walking the tight rope in a circus act. Those well-trained, hire-wire performers carry a big pole to help them balance as the walk the line. That’s exactly what will help you find lasting love. Tip the pole up or down to keep your balanced, stay in your head and not just your heart and remain open until the right man comes along.

Finding lasting love with a good man is absolutely possible. And people fall in love every day. When you stay the course, keep your options open and slow things down, your chances of ending up with the right guy dramatically increase.

My hope is that you’ll give yourself this opportunity and never rush into relationships again. Lasting love with your dream man hangs in the balance. He’s out there – give him a chance.

If you are serious about finding love, tend to rush into relationships and need help gaining balance in your dating life, let’s talk. Please fill out this application for a free conversation to discover how coaching can help you.


Is 2018 Your Year to Finally Find Love?

December 29, 2017 via

Do you dream of finding love? Someone to hug, kiss and snuggle with? How would life be different if you had a partner who has your back and makes you laugh? One thing I know as a dating coach for 15 years is that it’s never too late to find love! However, to find love you’ll have to DO something about it. Just like getting a new job or redecorating your home, there are steps to make your goal a reality.

Here are 10 steps to find love this year:

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How Do I Tell Him It’s Over? I Don’t Want To Be Mean

How do I tell him it’s over? What is the best way to let him down easy because you don’t want to be mean, hurt his feelings or just ghost.

how do I tell him its overHow Do I Break Up With Him?

Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I was reading your post on Does he like me? because I’m trying to learn what to do. My situation is a little different since this guy I’m “seeing” initiates dates and spending time with me. We usually see each other 1-2x per week. It’s a Sunday evening, a lunch break, or a couple hours before he goes to work (he works 3rd shift). I’m quite attached to him as he is affectionate and thoughtful towards me.

The problem is he did tell me a month ago, “He doesn’t want a commitment right now”. We have both only been divorced 9 months. He has 2 ex wives and 5 kids (2 are twin toddlers). He texts me daily but has only referred to me as his friend. In public, I can tell he’s very nervous about someone spotting him with me.

I know this won’t develop into anything more and I justify staying with him because I’m lonely. But I’m also quite sad that I feel a bit like a “filler” girlfriend.

My question is then, HOW do I tell him it’s over and we need to end this “situationship”? I don’t want to be mean and I don’t want to ghost. He truly has done so many nice things and has been there for me in many instances. Yet, in my heart, I know this won’t progress and I’m a long-term kind of girl.

I just can’t do “Friends with Benefits”. At 44, I feel like I’m wasting my time. Any ideas? How do I tell him it’s over and kindly end this without admitting I’m “emotionally invested” or being mean to him? I really need your help.

Moving on in Boulder

Endings Are Always Sad

Dear Moving,

First, I want to let you know I realize how hard this is. No one wants to hurt a nice guy. He treats you well and is not a bad person. But sadly, he’s not ready for something deeper and you are.

Second, kudos for being clear about what you want and recognizing the truth of the situation. He’s NOT going to change. Thankfully you are not stuck in HOPE that he will suddenly become the man you dream of.

Breaking things off in a mature way can be challenging. When a woman is angry, she doesn’t care so much about HIS feelings. She wants to express her pain and lash out. Maybe get back at the guy a little right? But in this instance, there is no anger and he hasn’t done anything wrong. You simply aren’t a good match.

Being smart enough to know the relationship will not go anywhere and you’re not on the same path is a blessing. Recognizing that you don’t want the same things from the relationship shows a good level of personal awareness.  So, while you’re disappointed and sad, you want to end this with respect. That’s admirable.

Just the Facts

What I have found over the years is that delivery can be more important than the actual words. The straight forward approach can work really help let a man down without being hurtful. What do I mean by being straight forward? State the facts carefully, without emotion.

When you start a conversation like this and you’re very emotional, you make it MORE EMOTIONAL FOR HIM TOO. Instead, open with, “I have something to tell you that is not easy for me to say.” That gives him the heads up something is coming that won’t be easy for him either. Saying this plainly and calmly helps set the stage.

How Do I Tell Him It’s Over?

Next, take a deep breath and be authentic as you tell him your truth. While you really like him and enjoy spending time together, you want a deeper relationship with commitment and partnership. And you know this is something he is not looking for.

Pause at this point to see if he wants to say anything. He might say any of a number of things, including telling you that’s not true, he does want a deeper relationship. Or his situation is just temporary. Remember, he likes you. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean he can give at the level of relationship your heart desires.

After he stops talking, tell him you must remain true to your relationship needs so, you are going to move on to find a better situation. Tell him you wanted to explain what was happening because he’s a good man and you respect him. So you didn’t want to just stop or disappear, but talk about it.

Again, stop to see what he has to say. It might take a moment or two of silence before he says anything as he processes what he heard. Give him a chance to catch his breath and speak up.

Following this process doesn’t mean he won’t feel sad or have his hurt his feelings. He does like you which means he will be vulnerable. Yet, this drama-free, direct approach will help him understand quickly and hopefully side step an argument. When you avoid big emotional scenes, even difficult conversations can flow fairly smoothly.

Breaking Up Is Never Easy

This is not an easy thing to do. Staying calm versus all emotional and stating the facts will help you have a mature, even though difficult, conversation. This drama-free approach makes hearing the message easier and hopefully let him down easy.

So, in answer to your question, “How do I tell him it’s over?” Keep it simple and minimize emotion – that’s my best breakup advice.

Looking for more dating advice about your love life? Fill out the application and schedule a free consultation and we’ll talk about how coaching might help you find love faster.

Does He Like Me? He Says He Does But I’m Confused

Ronnie, does he like me? He says he does but, I still feel confused. I can’t get him to plan a date. Here’s the straight-forward advice you’re searching for

does he like meDoes He Like Me? I Can’t Tell

Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met this guy from Tinder 5 months ago and we’ve been talking on a daily basis ever since. We went on a date once and it was a fine date. He paid for my drinks, we hugged and he texted that night to follow up on what I thought about the date.

We lived in different cities, 2-hours apart. I initiated the first meeting with him and I told him I was visiting some friends because I didn’t want to seem desperate. Last month I was in his neighborhood again and I dropped him a hint so he would ask me out. He asked how long my stay was, but, didn’t ask me out and haven’t had a date since. Yet, we still text everyday.

In text, he did mention that he is looking for someone to settle down with and I seem like the person he would like to do so with but, he cannot decide until we meet a few times more. I have too many emotions invested so I texted him this:

“I’m aware that we should both still be in an open relationship but, since I’ve invested emotionally towards you while you’re still looking around, I’d like to take some time off”.

I wasn’t expecting a reply, but he said that he’s not looking around, but still thinks that we should meet more frequently.

Am I being to pushy? Does he really need to meet me up more often because he has doubts about a long distance relationship? I tried not to initiate first and he texted me back, even early in the morning which is really confusing to me right now.  Hope you can help me on this.

Thanks Ronnie, 🙂

How to Know He Likes You

Hi Zoey,

I’m going to be very direct with you because you are asking for the truth. And while it would be helpful for this one situation, wouldn’t it be great if you could apply this to all future men? My goal is to help you GET this so you don’t
have to go through this again.

I’m not trying to be mean at all and do have compassion for you because I went through this stuff too when I was single. I only wish someone had told me the TRUTH about how to understand men and the things men do and say.

Think about this objectively, as if you were listening to this same story about a guy she likes and feels confused about. As if someone else was telling the story to you…

You ask with one date in 5 months, does he like me? That’s NOT the right question. The real question is, “IS HE SERIOUS ABOUT ME?” Liking you isn’t enough because he must like you to talk to you for 5 months. When you ask is he serious about you, with only one date in 5 months the answer is clear – NO WAY. NOT A CHANCE.

Now you may be wondering, “Why is he still texting me? Well, he’s boosting his ego or enjoying the conversation. However, there is absolutely NO genuine relationship because you are not SEEING each other and it’s been months! Even if you had one date in one month, I would tell you this or even one date in 3 weeks means he’s still not serious.

And if a guy sees you 3 times in 6 weeks, (a date every two weeks), he’s STILL NOT SERIOUS. Perhaps he’s casually interested, but not serious.

How Can You Tell a Man Is Serious?

This is the basic run down on what to look for to know if a man is serious about you. He wants to see you at least once a week and as weeks go by more often. The guy calls you to talk at least once a week and then texts in between. He wants to get to know you and demonstrates he cares about your happiness by trying to please you. A man who is serious always makes an EFFORT to SEE YOU.

Texting, FaceTime, talking on the phone, Facebook or Snapchat – these alone are NOT a relationship. Read this post on my blog about texting, if you haven’t already.

Am I Being Too Pushy?

Expecting more than one date in 5 months is definitely NOT pushy. How can you have a real relationship if you do not get together? So, you hinted and then you tried the direct approach telling him you are emotionally invested and none of it has worked, leaving you feeling confused and most likely frustrated.

I get you and I have felt the same, before I got wise to men and dating, which is why I now do this as my job. My mission is to help other women avoid suffering.

Now you were trying to push him away a bit with that text to see what he would say and he came back with something to keep you around. sadly this was pure manipulation on his part because he’s not following through to see you.

Understand What a Man Says vs. What He Does

Key fact about dating: What a man says means nothing if he doesn’t back it up with this ACTIONS. He doesn’t want you to see others and says he wants to see you more often. He thinks you are the kind of person he’d like to settle down with.

Really? Where is his PROOF of that? NOWHERE! If he wanted to see you, he’d make time. But he does not. That means this is a line of bullsh*t a mile long meant to keep you hanging and under his magical spell.

Emotional Attachment and Investment

This is EXACTLY why you do NOT want to text or talk to a man for weeks and months without dating. Feelings start to grow and you get emotionally invested in a man who has no intention of making you his girlfriend. Totally understandable how this happens. You feel a connection, invest more time, and then are emotionally attached even though he has not proven he is worthy of sharing your heart.

NEVER tell a man you are emotionally invested if he is not expressing his feelings through words AND ACTIONS. If you were a poker player this would be called “showing you hand”. You can’t win the game if the other players see  your cards right?

Once a man knows you’re invested without his taking steps to make you his girlfriend, he’ll stop trying. Game over. And this guy hasn’t even done any work to win you over to begin with. Men like a little bit of resistance or mystery. There’s no mystery now that he holds all the cards and you are empty handed.

Avoid being boldly honest UNLESS you are willing to walk away when the guy does nothing to please you or measure up to the bar you set. Maybe that is what you planned by telling him you wanted to take some time off. Then he surprised you by saying he wants to see you, so that confused you. It’s just empty words though on his part.

Long Distance Relationships Stink

Women from all over the world write to me about some guy who lives a few hours away or countries away. Sadly, the questions boil down to the same thing because long distance relationships (LDR) are almost ALWAYS unfulfilling and impossible to work out.

You might feel emotionally attached, but it is an incomplete relationship because you do not get to see each other for a proper relationship to blossom and grow. Over 99.999999% of LDRs DO NOT WORK OUT! Unfortunately, the vast majority of women think their situation is a little different than what I’m talking about this so feel this doesn’t apply to them. Which brings me to the word “HOPE”.

Hope is a 4-Letter Word

Never wait around hoping some guy will decide he’s interested in you. Men are either interested or not. No amount of waiting and hoping will ever turn things around. Neither talking to him or trying to understand him will make him become the boyfriend you were HOPING he could be or once was.

HOPE has an important role in life. In case of dire or life-threatening illness, hope is essential and quite a valuable tool. It’s good for hoping you pass a test after studying hard. Hoping everything wasn’t ruined in a fire before you have time to check makes sense. Hoping your lost pet will return is totally appropriate.

Hope is useful in all the above mentioned circumstances. But, you can WASTE YEARS of your life (and I’ve seen it happen too often) hoping a man will want to marry you. Or maybe you’ll relate better to this, hoping for a second date and wasting 5 months of your precious life. Keep hope out of your dating life.

The Quick Answer to Does He Like Me?

I provided a lot of dating advice here on many topics and now I’m ready to sum things up.

He might like you but, he’s not serious about you and never will be. Stop wasting your precious time hoping he’ll turn around. And in the future, don’t tell a man you like him hoping he’ll suddenly become the boyfriend you been waiting for. A man is either the boyfriend you want or he’s NOT.

Get on Tinder and Bumble and swipe right for LOCAL men which will make your dating and love life a heck of a lot easier than this long distance stuff that rarely, almost never works out.

I hope (this is another good place for this four letter word) you found this helpful and I wish you love with all my heart. Having read this post, you are more prepared than ever to find the right man for you.

I’d also recommend you buy my book MANifesting Mr. Right or someone else’s book to learn about dating and men. Knowing what to look for and understanding when men are not serious or showing real promise will dramatically improve your chances of finding love and speed up the process.

Lots of Love,

does he like me

23 Classy Ways To Turn Down Guys You’re Not Interested In (Nicely!)

February 23, 2018 via Lifestyle 

Reality check: Every woman looking for love endures her share of unwanted male attention. Whether you’re online dating, going to singles events, or hanging out at upscale restaurant bars to meet men, you will encounter the occasional player or jerk.

Even though it would be wonderful to only engage with high quality men, this annoyance is part of dating and, sorry, it’s completely unavoidable. Some men are just rude, nosy, or j**ks.

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Why Doesn’t He Want to See Me Again? I Don’t Understand

Asking why doesn’t he want to see me? That’s a painful question leaveing you confused, hurt and frustrated. Read on to see why this is happening with your man.

why doesnt he want to see meHe Texts Daily, But Doesn’t See Me

Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,

I fell for a guy I met online who lives 11 hours away by car and 2 hours away by plane. We emailed for several months and eventually began texting, communicating almost everyday.

Finally, we met 7.5 months later. He flew to me and we spent 4 days together that were great. I have never felt so connected to anyone before. While he was here, he mentioned several times he wanted to meet again and even offered to buy me a plane ticket so I could visit him!

After he left he acted very into it. He initiated texting all the time and we often discussed meeting again. Eventually, when it came time to make plans to actually meet, he started avoiding the topic.

It’s Been a Year Since I’ve Seen Him

Sadly, It has been an entire year now since we met in person. (Almost 2 years since we first met online). We still text almost every day and talk on the phone once in awhile. I recently asked him if we could meet, his answer was “I don’t know!”

I asked why doesn’t he want to see me and told him how much this hurts. He avoided answering and  even said, “I don’t have anything to explain.”

What happened? Why does he not want to see me anymore, yet continues texting me? I feel like there is something very wrong with me!

Yes, I know I need to end it and that we were never in a relationship. But it almost hurts worse than ending a relationship because I have all of the feelings of a relationship ending. Yet, my feelings aren’t validated because it wasn’t real.

I just feel so incredibly stupid for falling for him and for allowing it to continue for so long! Yet, I still find myself stuck and scared to move on. I will say it really helped reading all your posts and comments,  knowing I am not alone!

Thanks for your help,

So, Why Doesn’t He Want to See Me?

Dear Fooled,

I’m sorry to hear of the pain you feel and how hurt you are by this situation. Realizing you have not been in a genuine relationship is not an easy place to be. It shakes your sense of reality and makes you question your own judgment.

You are right! You are not alone! Many women fall into this long-distance and texting trap. There’s something that feels so romantic and special when you connect with some guy far away. It has a magical quality to it that is intensely engaging. Perhaps it’s close to the same appeal of a juicy romance novel.

What women doesn’t want a man to pay compliments, shower her with attention and talk about a fabulous future plans? If feels delicious and fulfilling and long overdo. Your heart opens and you want even more from him and so unfortunately single women allow this to happen.

5 Clues You Are in a Virtual Relationship

However, as an adult woman looking for love, it’s your responsibility to separate fantasy from reality. You cannot let your deeply felt desire for love or long-time overwhelming loneliness to take over and lead you astray. Remaining vigilant to stay in reality and recognizing a game player is up to you.

Here are some clues that should tip you off about entering a fantasy or virtual relationship:

1)Texting or Talking – He texts often which has been going on for weeks, months or longer. He might also call or FaceTime, Snapchat, or use other social media as his only methods of connecting with you.

2) No Dates – You have not met yet or gone on a date even though weeks or months have gone by. Or you met once or twice, but still mostly you text or talk on the phone for months.

3) Excuses for Not Meeting He has a lot of excuses, like his visa (if out of the country), work, health, kids, etc. as to why now is not a good time. Excuses pile up or stay the same over months

4) Long Distance – Almost all long distance relationships that start online or even on vacation NEVER turn into lasting love. When you think about it logically, the odds are super stacked against you. Yet, women end up in these situations all too often.

If you have a fun fling on vacation – great! But, do not waste precious time thinking it will blossom into moving in together or marriage. Enjoy the fact that you had a great time, relish the memories and move on to look for love locally which is SO much easier and far more realistic.

5) You Hope Things Will Change – Even though months have gone by, the man you are texting or talking to hasn’t made much effort to see you. Still you hold out hoping things will change. Sadly, they won’t. You cannot reclaim what once was – it doesn’t happen.

If you recognize these signs, then you are in a virtual relationship and I hate to be the one to tell you this – it is going nowhere. Get out before you lose more time to this guy who is leading you on and wasting your time.

Virtual Love Is Not Real Love

Free yourself up to find REAL LOVE. Let go of that texter/talker man because he is NOT working out! He doesn’t want what you want. Stop listening to all the sweet things he says and pay attention to what he is DOING to spend time with you. NOTHING.

That means he’s not really the right man for you. His talk of love is not enough for true love. It’s romantic, I’ll give you that, but it can’t fulfill or satisfy you.

Then, go meet a bunch of new men to find the right man for you. Someone who makes an effort to see you at least once a week, texts and calls you. A man who seeks you out and wants to spend quality time with you. This is how you find lasting love for real versus virtual love that’s unfulfilling and heartbreaking.

If you are still asking yourself why doesn’t he want to see me, you now have all the answers you need. The truth is – why he doesn’t want to see you is not the point. It doesn’t even matter. The only thing that matters if you are seeking lasting love and a life partner, is that THIS MAN FALLS SHORT. Way short. He does not deliver on the most important element – spending time together.

Don’t put up with a lack of quality time, excuses or your hopes that he’ll change. This virtual relationship is all you will have if you continue on this path. If it IS working for you, that’s fine. But if you long for more, wish he’ll go back to the way things were, hope something magical will happen to make your dreams with him come true, you are allowing him to string you along.

To learn more about possible mistakes you are making on your search for love, get a copy of my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You from Love



Why Can’t I Find Love Again? The Challenges of Dating Over 40

Questioning why can’t I find love again? Looking for love comes with it’s own unique challenges over 40. Discover how to overcome them and meet your mate.

why cant I find love againWhy Is Dating So Hard?

Have you been looking for love for a while now and feel unhappy with your results? What can be more frustrating than hoping to meet the man of your dreams and coming up empty handed?

Time is slipping by and you are still not meeting the right man. Why is this happening to you? Why should it be so difficult to connect with one decent guy? And most importantly, what can you do to turn things around?

I’ve been in your shoes and understand the pain you feel. When you have been single for too long, it leaves you wondering how you will ever be able to change your status. You struggle and fear nothing will make a difference.

It’s hard to imagine what could happen that will change the course of your love life. Who knows what will help you finally connect with that one amazing man you’ve been dreaming about for years?

Why Can’t I Find Love Again?

There are so many reasons why love might feel illusive. I put them into four categories:

1. Lack of Activity. If you do something only once a month or less, you are not actively seeking love. You may be thinking about it but, you need to take action weekly if you are serious about meeting you mate.

2. Low Self-Esteem. You don’t feel worthy of love. When you lack confidence, you attract men who do not appreciate you. This is because you don’t appreciate yourself or understand your unique value as a woman.

3. Anger about Men. After being heartbroken, cheated on, or disappointed, you have a bad taste in your mouth about men. You might feel most men are not good enough for you or that in general women are superior. This makes it nearly impossible to find a man who can jump the unrealistic bar you set.

4. Dating Knowledge. Last but not least, some women hold mistaken ideas about dating without realizing it. This can be the hardest situation because you don’t know what you don’t know. So you could be making devastating mistakes with the best of intentions.

Do you see yourself in any of these categories? Maybe more than one applies. It’s not surprising because these reasons are commonplace and many women suffer from a mix of reasons, leaving them asking, “Why can’t I find love?

What Can I Do to Turn Things Around?

The good news is there are a number of empowering steps you can take to get past these limitations that prevent you from meeting “The One”. After going through this myself and meeting the adorable man I married, and now being a dating coach for women for 16 years, I have a pretty good idea. Here are 10 empowering steps you can take to change your romantic karma once and for all to find love again.

10 Steps to Find Love Again

1) Clear the Past. If you want to find love with a good man, you have to be free from your past. You want to clear a space for your new man. This means toss old love letters and other mementos, get over the anger about your situation or your ex, and find a way forgive your ex and yourself!

Don’t skip this step -it’s really the most important. When you look for love without clearing feelings about your ex, it will be very difficult to connect with a new man at the heart level. In fact, you might attract men with similar issues which happens often for many women.

2) Believe in Love Fiercely. One thing that helps attract love into your life is a fierce belief in love. Develop a deep knowing within that love is your destiny. At this point, even though there is no evidence, you have no doubt of this truth. This belief gives you a foundation of strength to weather any storm or disappointment along the way.

Coming back to this idea kept me going wile I was dating to find my husband.

3) Love Yourself Deeply.  You know you are a great catch and you have an appreciation for who you are as a person and a woman. Self love provides solid footing for surviving rejection and establishing firm boundaries. When you feel worthy, you’re able to draw the line and not accept anything less than being well-treated.

4) Learn What Works Online. If you are using the dating sites or dating apps, you are taking the steps needed to meet new men. Dating is a sorting process to find a good match and you have to meet men to find “The One.” But knowing what works on these digital tools is not so obvious.

Discover what works by reading a book, taking a class or signing up with a coach (like me!) If you don’t, you are likely doing things that are getting in your way of success.

5) Meet 3-4 Men a Month. When you are serious about finding love again with the right man, you make yourself available to meet men. Your dream man can’t find you unless you are out and meeting men! Make his search easier by doing what is needed to have 3-4 first dates a month and you are on the path to finding love.

If you often ask yourself why can’t I find love again, it might be because you don’t meet enough men. No excuses – get out there!

6) Be a Fun Date! Are you a fun date or is your first date a fact-finding mission? If you tend to do detective work by texting, talking on the phone or interviewing your date the first time you meet, YOU ARE NOT FUN! Keep in mind he is checking you out too and you have to pass HIS test.

You will learn what you need to know with time, so do not ask why he got divorced right away. That will make him uncomfortable. Give a man time – you can share your love war stories later as you get to know each other. And if you ask before some trust has built, he will not answer truthfully anyway.

Keep the date fun, light and entertaining if you hope for a second date.

7) Keep Expectations in Check. Dating can be very exciting when you meet a man you like who seems to like you. However, you need to manage your enthusiasm because you can literally scare him away by expressing your excitement too soon.

Share your enthusiasm with a girlfriend, but be cool with your new man. Smart women play their cards close to the vest and let a man express himself first.

8) Roll with Rejection. When dating, rejection is bound to happen. You simply can’t avoid it because there will be men you don’t like and men who do not like you.  Managing your expectations better, you’ll also handle rejection more easily. And, get back out there faster. You can become more adept at handling the disappointments so they don’t drag you down.

Don’t get stuck on why can’t I find love again and feeling down. Instead, roll with it and just go meet a new and better man!

9) Remain Optimistic. I help my clients find a way to stay optimistic about dating. Holding a fierce belief in love being your destiny can keep you moving and feeling more positive. And when you feel positive you are so much MORE ATTRACTIVE to men! There are always new men to meet to chin up.

10. Persevere! If you are serious about having love in your life, you need to keep dating and meeting men until you find “The One.” When I was looking for love, my ability to stay the course kept my search active. When I wondered, “Why can’t I find love again?” I’d shift my thinking to the idea that he was on his way and I would just keep meeting men till I found the right one for me.

There’s no question that dating over 40 and in midlife and later is more challenging than when you are young. But I say, so what? If you want love, DO WHAT IT TAKES TO FIND IT! My matchmaker friend Nicole LeClerc from Compatibles in VT said, “No one ever looked back after finding love to say, “Oh what a waste of time that was.”

No way! You’ll know it was worth every crummy, disappointing date you had once you find that one amazing man who loves you dearly. The guy who is fun, supportive, generous of heart, and willing to share life’s up and downs. A man who is sexy, sweet and enriches your life.

He’s out there so help him find you!

If you want more dating advice for over 40 or any age, download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single


Why Does He Text Me Out of the Blue and What Should I Do?

Tired of asking, “Why does he text me out of the blue?” Here’s what you need to know to better understand men and texting.

A lot of my clients who start opening their hearts and meeting men tell me the same story. As they take an active role in looking for love, the ex pops back into the picture! This has happened enough times to consider it an official “pattern”. In the middle of one of our first sessions with a client, she’ll ask me, “Why does he text me out of the blue?” These are the possible reasons I provide.

why does he text me out of the blueWhy Now When It’s Been So Long?

I’ve got several reasons why men contact you out of nowhere, whether it’s been weeks, months or years that have passed. I’ll start with the practical reasons and then we’ll move on to the more vibrational or energetic ones.

1) He Still Thinks About You. Yes, his out of the blue text does confirm he sometimes still thinks about you. But, let me say right upfront THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE WANTS TO SEE YOU AGAIN. He was having a sentimental moment, picked up his phone and reached out. This means NOTHING so don’t expect anything – it’s just a moment in time when he chose to connect.

2) He’s Lonely. He broke up with his current flame or is getting divorce and fond memories of you come flooding back. This makes him contact you, but again, doesn’t indicate his intention to try again. He just wants to talk to a good woman and you came to mind.

3) He’s Thinking about Sex. Men spend quite a lot of time fantasizing and thinking about the bedroom. If he had a good time with you, he might fantasize about you this way. You can see how reconnecting could enhance this for him but, have nothing to do with actually seeing you again right?

4) He Wants an Ego Boost. Your ex might be feeling down and he gets curious about which women from his past are still interested in him. So, he texts, calls or hits social media and bam, you respond! That feels really good to him and he needed that ego boost. It might have been totally fun for both of you. However, DO NOT READ INTO THIS . He simply needed you to feed his ego and I’m sure he’d say thanks if he thought about it from your perspective.

5) He’s Bored. Yup, boredom can motivate people to do strange things like reach out to an ex for no reason beyond entertainment and curiosity. He was bored and you were sucked in and unknowingly became his entertainment.

None of these reasons include intentions to see you again or rekindle your relationship. Your best bet is to accept this, let it go and move on. To linger is to drive yourself nuts, make yourself miserable and keep yourself off the market and single.

And Now, The Ethereal Reasons

6) Cosmic Signals. I love this. One of the biggest answers to your question, “Why does he text me out of the blue?” is that when you get back on the market looking for love – he can SENSE IT. That’s how powerful your desire for love is! When you get your heart’s desire for love, your intentions and your actions aligned, you are employing the Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attractions states, “Like attracts like.” so, when you are in alignment, you send out cosmic and energetic signals to the Universe to attract love. And your ex, sometimes still in tune with you years later, picks up to message and responds!

Does that mean he’s your man because he responded to your vibrational signals? Nope. Should you check it out to see what happens? I don’t recommend it. Usually whatever ended the relationship is still there and will prevent a healthy, happy relationship at this time too.

If your ex contacts you and you are wondering, “Why did he text me out of the blue?”, there is good news. It’s clear evidence that your cosmic signals ARE WORKING! Yay!! That means you are doing something right and on your way to finding love with the right man for you! (Not with your ex.)

7) Cosmic Messages. Last but not least, maybe you needed a nudge from the Universe. A little push to regenerate your own desire for love. Sometimes an ex texts, Facebooks, etc. to perk you up and make you remember that love is important to you after all. Even if your dating life has been dormant for too long, a contact from an ex can send you into action to find love.

That is a beautiful thing because you DESERVE LOVE. So, get busy and make finding love a priority in your life – at least one of them.

Why Does He Text Me Out of the Blue?

I’m sure there are additional reasons I didn’t mention in this blog. For the most part, I’ve covered the majority of them so now you know WHY. Mostly, he was thinking about himself, even when he was thinking about you.

Men don’t think like women do. They don’t see the emotional ramifications like we do. Men don’t get how you would jump to the conclusion that he must want to see you again.  His text was likely caused by a momentary need and you fulfilled that quite nicely. He met his objective and was done! Even if this happens multiple times, it’s the same reasons driving him.

Of course, he left you in a complete tizzy, stuck in a circular thought pattern examining all the possible reasons he could have reached out like that. Just out of the blue. I hope this stops you from driving everyone you know crazy by asking for their opinions about why does he text you out of the blue.

If this happens to you again, either with the same ex, or another, keep this in mind…It means NOTHING. Enjoy it, then let it go. Maybe use it as motivation to take steps to find love. Put one foot in front of the other and you will get there. Where there’s a will, there’s always a way. Love is your destiny.

Want more advice about texting with men? Get your free copy of my book 7 Deadly Sins of Texting now!


2018 Horoscope Predictions – Is Love in the Stars for Me?

Curious about your 2018 horoscope predictions for love? I’m not totally up on astrology but, I was curious about 2018 and I learned a few things that I NEED to share with you because it’s just so GOOD! I’ll get to that in a minute.

2018HoroscopePredictionsThe Numerology Prediction for 2018

This year is also extremely special from a Numerology point of view. Numerology is an ancient, mystical art that helps us understand the possibilities for personal growth and consciousness.

When you add the digits of 2018 together, you get 11 which is called a “Master Number: offering great potential for learning, growth and major transformations in your life.

One such big transformation is LOVE and becoming a partner in life. That would be very big right?

This is the PERFECT year to discover what may have held you back in the past. If was simply the fear of rejection, this is the year to get beyond that. A year that is an 11 allows the ability to move outside yourself and connect with your higher self and consciousness. Yeah – there is plenty of help from a higher level!

2018 Horoscope Predictions Are for Love Too!

We are all beings of love and light and it is time to bring this into our earthly reality. It’s also a time for being super grateful for all you are  and have accomplished. Time to stop the complaining about men or the lack of good males and shift your energy to make a difference in the world.

In other words, the more love and gratitude you feel and express, the more others will too. The positive energy is extremely powerful right now, uber contagious and builds on itself. Yes! That is GREAT news for any effort you put into making this empowering shift which can spread to the far reaches of the planet.

This is a time when deep wounds will be healed and forgiveness comes with greater ease so you can shine brightly in the world and be seen for all your beauty inside and out. That’s how you find love! When you allow your light to shine, your inner beauty is simply magnetic and an attractive force beyond measure that makes you irresistible to men.

All Love Starts with Self Love

It’s time to feel good about who you are. What steps will you take to remember what a magnificent woman you are? How will you remind yourself that you are a great catch and some man will be darn lucky to call you his? It’s time to stop beating yourself up, end the berating inner chatter and turn up the inner coach who praises you rather than criticizes. That’s what self love is all about.

And this is THE YEAR for LOVE to become your reality. Stay tuned for the lunar eclipse today and a solar eclipse coming on August 11th which has the power to literally bring you the LOVE OF A LIFETIME!

What Can You Do?

Of course, you can’t just sit around and wait for Prince Charming to knock on your door. That’s not in the stars for anyone. No true astrologer or horoscope would suggest you don’t need to lift a finger. But, the good news is this year, there’s a better chance for your efforts to be rewarded! So it’s time to make a plan.

Your Plan to Find Love in 2018

Given the positive astrology, 2018 horoscope predictions for love this year, taking these empowering steps will help you make the most of a year poised to find that amazing love you’ve hoped for for years!

  • Deepen self love and express gratitude for what is good in your life right now
  • Clear out the love skeletons in your closet to make way for the love you dream of
  • Build self confidence and increase self care to be at your very best
  • Learn about what actually works with online dating vs. your friend’s advise which might be all wrong
  • Become warmer, friendlier, flirtier and more playful
  • Lighten up about dating and take the pressure off to just meet more men
  • Open your eyes, your mind and your heart to men so you can find the right one?eek out expert help and get serious about your journey to find love?

This is the most highly positive astrological forecast for your love life I have heard of in years!

Decide right now, “THIS is MY YEAR for LOVE! I’m going to do what it takes to find love. I’m going to open my heart, clear the past, forgive and forget, and start flirting my butt off if that’s what it takes.” Then walk the walk and make it happen.

My wish is that you get engaged in the process, learn what works best in dating, and find the man and love you’ve been waiting for. I KNOW he’s out there. Gear up to be active like never before.

The stars are aligned, your horoscope is ripe and the numbers are finally on your side. Take heart and take action. 2018 is your year for love so make it come true.

Many women must know this intuitively, because in my 16 years as a dating coach for women, I have never received so many calls for my free consultation to talk about how I can help. I am SO excited because when women find love, it is such a thrill for me.

If you decide you want the help of a knowledgeable and compassionate expert who can show you the way, eliminate confusion, minimize angst and help you understand men like you never thought you could, call me now at 203-877-3777 if you’re in the US. Or, fill out the application and schedule and appointment online if you’re any where else in the world.


He Asked Me Out But Didn’t Set a Time!

What’s up with this? He asked me out but didn’t set a time! This mixed signal from men makes dating so confusing. Here’s my dating advice about what this is about.

HeAksedMeOutButDidntSetATimeWhy Are Men So Confusing?

You’ve been chatting with this guy who seems GREAT! The conversation flows, the texting is fun and you really click. It’s been so long since you met a decent man and he could be it! When you first start to connect, it’s very exciting and you get your hope up thinking, “This guy has real potential!”

As you look forward to time together to really enjoy the chemistry, you might be thinking about all the fun the two of you will have. You get pumped up and are seriously looking forward to meeting him.

Maybe you’ve been texting for a few weeks now. You start to get a little impatient and wonder, “OK, when are you going to meet him already?” Haven’t we all been there?

You talked about getting together, but nothing came of it. He asked me out but didn’t set a time. Also, he mentioned last weekend and said he’d call, but you didn’t hear from him. Hmmm, what’s that about? He said he was really busy and had surprise guests. Well, it’s possible. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

He Asks You Out But Plans Are Vague

He did make plans that one time, then had to cancel because of a work emergency. That sounds reasonable. Last time you brought it up he said this week was super busy too but, next week looks good. His planning overall seem kind of, well…vague.

So, how can you move things along? Or should you hang back and wait until he makes a clear and definite plan? What is the right thing to do without blowing it big time?

He Asked Me Out But, Didn’t Set a Time. Why?

One thing that can help you decide on your next step is to understand what is really going on with him. Once you have a clue about what is causing him to be so vague you will have a better idea of the course that makes the most sense.

Here are three reasons why he’s keeping things lose with you:

1.Dating is NOT His Top Priority – He’s a busy guy with work, training or family which is why even though you are fun to text with and occasionally talk to, he just can’t seem to make a real plan. Recognize that he’s not trying to be evasive. He simply has too much on his plate.

No matter what a great guy he is, this man is NOT relationship material right now. he can’t make dating or you a priority. Do you want to date a man who cancels all the time and doesn’t make an effort to spend time with you? If he can’t do it for a first or second date, this behavior will not improve.

Should you wait around until his big life goals are all set and he can focus on you? I HOPE NOT! Never put your life on hold for a man you barely know thinking he could be the one. His emotional and physical unavailability make him the WRONG man for you.

2. He’s Keeping His Options Open – When you are first getting to know any man, you should expect that he’s dating others. You should be too. Until you reach exclusivity, you are a free agent to find the best possible partner. This makes total sense if you want to find a compatible match and lasting love.

However, when a man can’t seem to nail down a date, time and place, he’s not really trying. He’s just putting you in a holding pattern to see what else is out there that might be better. Or he’s hanging on to you while he waits to see if any of the current women bail on him. Either way, this is not good news for you.

3. He’s a Collector – There are some men who have no intention of meeting any women. They simply want the fun and ego boot of connecting and texting. Some guys long for a woman to talk to – someone who has great empathy, compassion and understanding. So, they take advantage of your good nature. Men like this know women like to help.

My dating advice is to never trade emotional support hoping he’ll love you. In a way, this is no difference as trading anything else (like sex) for love. Women who choose this route end up disappointed, heartbroken and sadly, alone. Don’t allow the hope of meeting him some day or having a first or second date keep you locked into a man who has no time for you. That’s a surefire way to stay single.

How Can You Get Him to Make a Real Date?

Some dating experts would say, “Abandon ship with this guy and move on. He’s going to waste your time.” And that could be totally true. Sometimes a client won’t want to let go that quickly.

If the man seems like a really good catch, they ask for another way.  Then I recommend trying this, “Let’s meet and see if there is any chemistry. I’m free Thursday for a cup of coffee (glass of wine, beer, etc.). If he hesitates, says he’ll get back to you, or sets up a date then cancels, cross him off your list!

Once in a while, this some how gets the ball rolling. A quality man will agree to a day, time and place and if he enjoys your company will ask you out again. Men know exactly what to do if they want to see you. Don’t think he must be too shy – that is total nonsense! So, if you try this technique and you don’t end up on a date within a few days, that’s your signal loud and clear to MOVE ON.

What To Do When a Man Doesn’t Make a Plan

If you are still asking yourself why, “He asked me out but didn’t set a time?” here’s what you can do. Cut to the chase sooner. The first time a man asks you out, saying something like, “Would you like to go out with me?” say: “I’d love to. When were you thinking?” If he says, “Thursday,” but doesn’t pick a place, ask him, “Where were you thinking?” Don’t get off the phone without setting a specific time.

If he says he’ll get back to you, but doesn’t, don’t leave time open for him. Go out with friends or another man if you are asked. Should he leave it loose like, “Let’s talk over the weekend,” you can respond with, “Sure, I’m pretty busy so, I hope you catch me.”

Remember two people can play this game, but as a smart woman, you won’t play for long! Never be afraid to walk away from a guy who can’t make a date or keep one. There are better men out there and sometimes walking away with your dignity builds the confidence you need to meet the right man!

If you want to learn more about common mistakes women make, get your copy of 7 Dire Dating Mistake that Keep You Single


He Pursued Me, Then Disappeared! Understanding Men

He pursued me then disappeared – What does that mean? Why would a guy act so into me then stop and ghost me? Here are five possible reasons he pulled away.

He pursued me then disappearedWhy a Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off

I’m guessing if you are reading this post, some guy did this to you. He came on strong and seemed so into you. Then suddenly he just vanished. Poof! Gone.

This is one of the most aggravating things about dating. Things are going great. You enjoy each other’s company and look forward to seeing him.  He seems to get you which feels great. While getting to know each other, you are having so much fun!

Then he pulls away and you are left wondering what the heck happened. You examine every conversation looking for something you said or did wrong. You blame yourself even if you can’t find anything to point to that would cause this.

His disappearance is maddening, upsetting and disconcerting! Your world just got turned upside down. How could this be? Everything was going so smoothly. You know he liked you too. Now what? You wonder if there is anything you can or should do to get him back.

Why do men do this kind of thing? It sometimes seems like an epidemic right? There are as many reasons for this behavior as there are men who do it. But I’m going to share five of the biggest reasons with you below.

1.Busy with Work or Study

A man who is very busy proving himself in his career or loving his work, that’s his first priority. Same thing is true for studying to get his degree. Which automatically means you are NOT his top priority. So you come after everything about work or school that needs his attention first. If that doesn’t appeal to you, then you know he’s not the right guy.

2. Dating Other Women

When you first start seeing a guy and you’ve only had a few dates, assume he’s seeing other women. This could be exactly why he disappeared – he got interested in or distracted by someone else. If you’ve only had a few dates it can be a disappointment, but not that big a deal.

Don’t let yourself get too much invested in a man you’ve seen just  2-4 times. Hopefully you know how to avoid premature attachment to men you are still vetting over 6-10 weeks.

3. Not Happy with Himself

When a man is not happy with himself, his life or his career, he just can’t make you his main priority. Being unsettled creates a feeling of not being a good “provider” which gets in the way of building a strong relationship for men. Unfortunately, this is not something you can help a man get through. He has to find his way and this is definitely a reason why a man might disappear.

4. Doesn’t Want a Relationship

Some guys know they do not want a relationship. They don’t want ties, the expectations or the responsibility of being attached to a woman. It could feel like a giant weight hanging around his neck, holding him back from what he knows he needs to do. Don’t feel offended – this is not about you. It’s all him baby.

5. Needs Healing after Divorce or Breakup

You may think that you’ve met a great guy needs help getting over his ex. DON’T GET SUCKED IN! You might actually help him recover, but then 99.99% of men will skip out and move on to the next relationship. Happnes all the time.

This is because you remind him of a painful time when he was weak and needed help and so he wants to give himself as much space from that AND you as possible. That’s the thanks you’ll get for helping him. Don’t try to trade your nurturing for his love because you will not be rewarded.

6. Prefers to Keep It Casual

All men are not relationship ready. Some don’t want to get serious so they keep things casual. It’s easier and they avoid getting entangled in something demanding or restricting. When you are in a relationship you have to consider the other persons feelings, wants and desires. On the other hand, when casual – anything goes. There are no rules.

Some guys catch on that you want something more serious, so they disappear. Men do this thinking it’s nicer and less confrontational than some ugly emotional scene when you realize he’s not going to stick around.

7. Not Sure How He Feels

If you’ve been seeing a guy for several weeks and everything is going beautifully, then he suddenly disappears, there’s one more possible reason. He’s not sure how he feels about you. A lot of men need space to figure out emotional issues. This is where talk of the ‘Man Cave” comes in. They retreat to gain strength.

Now if he comes back in a week, that’s good news. He may have decided to move forward with you and your relationship. However, longer than 7 – 10 days doesn’t bode well. He’s withdrawn because he’s out and is no longer interested.

Countless articles have been written by experts promising ways to get your ex back. For the vast majority of situations, there’s NO WAY to get him back. It’s a harsh truth but, the only way a man returns to the relationship is IF HE WANTS TO.

The Biggest Mistake Women Make

Most women think if they could just understand what went wrong and talk to him, they could make things work. Nothing is further from the truth. Yet, the first reaction is to text, call, text, email. You might feel driven to reach out non-stop to get a hold of him and find out what happened.

Sadly, pushing to talk does not work. You know this is true because if he wanted to talk, he’d respond or reach out. He knows how to communicate but, he is CHOOSING NOT TO. Worse still, if there was any hope of him ever returning, you’ve just put the last nail in the coffin, killing that possibility by appearing weak and desperate.

He Pursued Me Then Disappeared! What Can I Do?

There is ONE THING you can do when a man disappears – NOTHING. Yes, leave him alone. Do not contact him, text him or call him. Don’t think that if you could talk to him, you could make things right. Move on with your life and leave him totally alone. Time apart might make him miss you and that alone could bring him back.

So if you’re wondering “why he pursued me then disappeared”, now you have seven reasons. Take note – none of them are about YOU. Not how you weren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or successful enough. Nope, all seven reasons are about HIM.

Don’t blame yourself for his disappearance. Most likely, the reason he pulled away was not your fault. Take time to heal and get over him. Then move on to find a better man. A man who is relationship ready and knows you are the one for him. He IS out there, so do not give up! It’s never too late for love.

If you want to know how to smarten up about dating, get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single.

Why Do Guys Cheat Instead of Breaking Up? Understanding Men

Seriously, why do guys cheat instead of breaking up? That’s a million dollar question, but these seven reasons are simpler than you might think.

why do guys cheat instead of breaking up10 Heartbreaking Reasons Men Stray

You’ve been dating your dream guy for months now, maybe longer. It’s been smooth sailing and you are so happy to have found one of the “good guys”. You have long-term plans with a real future. You’ve met each others’ families. And you couldn’t be happier…

Until the fateful day you find out he’s cheating and your entire world comes crashing down.

How could he do this to you? What could he be thinking? You wonder what you might have done wrong and look back at everything in great detail, scouring your memory for anything that helps you possibly understand. How this could happen to you?

Trouble is some people just cheat. Men and women are guilty of this. Here are 10 reasons that can start to explain why on earth your man decided to cheat on you.

1. It Just Happened

On a rare occasion, forces of the Universe conspire, bringing two people together when one of them might not be single. In this particular case, your man was not intending to cheat. Perhaps the woman was even aggressive. They met, one thing lead to another and bam! He crossed the line.

True, he didn’t use great judgement and if he had a bit of restraint the whole nasty situation could have been avoided. Especially, if he were the kind of man who had a strong intention to keep his promises to you. So, this is a WEAK EXCUSE at best.

2. Leaving You Is a Big Decision

Your man might have a lot on his plate and prefers to avoid some horrible fight and the emotional fall out. Nevertheless, he’s getting itchy and thinking about his options. The idea of leaving you is far too big a decision to face. Rather than deal with the situation maturely, he goes for a little something on the side.

3. Rules Don’t Apply to Him

Narcissistic men think the normal rules of life and law do not apply to them. In other words, cheating is a guilty pleasure that’s is okay for him and he thinks he won’t get caught. Simple as that. He’s sees a pretty woman and he’s off to conquer. Or there are other personality disorders that could apply too.

4. Status Quo Feels Good

Maybe he feels more comfortable with the status quo. He likes being with you because you offer grounding, emotional support or balance. Perhaps you are a great partner and make his life much easier. Still, he misses the excitement of being with a new woman who adores him and boosts his ego. And there you go – he’s cheating.

5. He’s a Coward

Simply put, he just can’t face you like a grown man, be honest and tell you it’s over. Instead, he cheats which he knows you will NOT tolerate. That means you’ll do the breaking up for him. It’s a sure thing! This is why some men mess up and get found out so easily because they WANT YOU TO KNOW.

Katherine was visiting her daughter in another state. Her granddaughter spilled soda on her cell and it died. She called Rick, her man of 10 years, to tell him about it and he gallantly offered her his old phone. In fact, he shipped it off that same day. What a nice guy! He came to her rescue or did he…

When Katherine got the phone, she noticed a bunch of text messages from…another woman. This was mighty disturbing, but she decided to be brave and broach the subject. Rick replied, “Hey, I can’t be with a woman who doesn’t trust me and it didn’t mean anything,” Sure it didn’t. He could have cleared the phone right? They broke up the very next day.

Still asking why do guys cheat instead of breaking up? Here are five more gut wrenching reasons.

6. He’s a Sex Addict

This is the new celebrity addiction rapidly trickling down to the masses. Sexual addiction is a real problem and shows up in many ways. One way is a need for sex with lots of women all the time. Bingo – the perfect recipe for cheating. But don’t let him tell you he’s sick and it’s a disease. How long are you willing to hang around to find out if he’ll heal his addiction?

Sexual addiction is like any other addiction including drugs, alcohol or gambling. Yes, people do get past this, but it can be at a huge cost to your self esteem and life enjoyment. Only you know if staying with him is the smart move for you, even if it might be the best thing for him.

7. Close Proximity

The most likely place for a straying heart crops up at work. Of people who admit to infidelity, 36% say they had sex with a co-worker. It’s easy to see how this could happen if they are working hard late into the night. Especially on a business trip. That shared mission and closeness can definitely be seductive.

Yet, you would hope a man (or woman) would take their vows or commitment to exclusivity seriously. Sadly, when the pressure is on, sex does offer a big release and people are human. It doesn’t make it right by any stretch of the imagination.

8. He’s Getting Even

Only 9% of men admit they cheated to get back at a spouse (as opposed to 14% of women). But this infidelity statistic sure proves it happens. I’m not going to say it’s your fault since I have no idea why he’s mad. And really, there are more productive ways to settle an issue.

I don’t see how evening the score ever fixed anything. Therapy? Yes. Better communication? For sure. But cheating? No way. It might make him feel better being in the arms of another woman, but it sure won’t strengthen your relationship.

9. He Gets a Rise Out of Being Bad

There is a certain excitement to having an affair that is undeniable. Being naughty is a thrill and adds to the sexual pleasure. The idea of risk and the possibility of getting caught is tantalizing. Fantasy can also play a role here as well as the desire for variety of partners. Let’s face it, lust on TV or the movies does look like fun, but that’s no excuse.

10. He’s Cheated Before

If a man cheated on you once, the chances are 350% higher he will do it again. So, if you catch him with another woman a second time, think long and hard about giving him that third shot. [Infidelity Statistics 2017]

Yes, it is possible that people can change. But it’s rare, especially in this situation. It requires inner strength, focus and a serious and true commitment. If your man has cheated on you more than once, you can count on that happening again.

Think about it this way – what was the consequence of his cheating the first time? A fight and unpleasantness? Then you calmed down and took him back. The second time the fighting might have been more intense. But still, you took him back. So he’s pretty much assured you’ll forgive him for anything. I’m just saying…he doesn’t need to change when you make it easy.

Why Do Guys Cheat Instead of Breaking Up?

The bottom line is this: Some men are honest, committed and loyal. These men will NEVER cheat because for them it’s not an option. That’s who I hope you are in love with – a man who adores you and is completely committed.

There are people who do manage to work through an episode of cheating, forgive the partner, and stay together happily over time. I personally know survivors of infidelity who are glad they stayed together. They listened to each other, worked on the relationship and recommitted their loyalty to each other.

You are the only person who can make that decision after discovering you’ve been cheated on. You are in charge of taking care of yourself and choosing the course that suits you best. I wish you a clear mind and inner strength for your decision making and lots of love because you deserve it.

Why Is He Still Texting Me If He’s Not Interested?

You ask me, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not interested?” So many women suffer as a result of men who continue to text them without spending any time together. Here’s what you need to know to better understand men, texting and what is truly going on.

Why is he still texting if hes not interestedThe Bond Feels REAL, But Is It?

Single women write to me often, feeling the pain of too much texting and communication without actually going on dates.  Sadly, they get attached to the men over time. As weeks turn into months, which happens more frequently than you think, the feelings grow and deepen. This is how a bond forms and where heartbreak comes to visit.

It’s easy to see how this can happen. Staying in touch with a man regularly to share bits of your day, cute pics, funny events, etc., allows you to feel close to him. Maybe you start to have pet names for each other, private jokes,  or routines that feel comfortable and satisfying.

His texts might be sweet, thoughtful, funny or romantic. And when you get a message from him, your heart flutters. He just knows exactly what you want to hear – how is that possible?So you ask yourself, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not Interested?” Your confusion stems from his inability to carve time out for a date and not cancel.

Sadly, and I hate to tell you this but, this interaction with him is pure fantasy.

Yes, there is a connection, but it is NOT LOVE. It’s the fantasy of love because how can you be in love with a man you never see? You don’t really know him. You only know his texting persona and what he chooses to show of himself VIRTUALLY. The same is true for phone conversations and even video chats.

The only way you really get to know someone is by SPENDING TIME TOGETHER. Texting, phone, social media and video are all SUPPLEMENTS for time in person, if you are seeking a genuine, loving relationship.

But WHY Is He Still Texting Me If He’s Not Interested?

I know the question is still nagging at you. Even if you completely get this is not true love, there’s a part of you that needs to understand what the heck this is all about. Why would a man knowingly continue to text if he’s not interested? It makes no sense.

5 Reasons Why He Continues to Text

1.He’s Lonely Even men get lonely, so having someone to text with makes him feel less alone. Sometimes that might be just enough to satisfy this guy because he doesn’t want or isn’t capable of the full relationship you want. So he continues to text.

2. He’s Bored – He’s not living a rich, full life and perhaps doesn’t get out much. Or maybe he’s socially awkward. Another option is he has a lot of time on his hands. Maybe his job doesn’t occupy his full attention, so texting you is perfect to spice things up! We’ve all been bored from time to time and this is his way of killing time – by WASTING YOURS.

3. He Craves Attention – Some men simply crave attention, especially from an attractive, compassionate woman like you. Someone to listen to his woes or details of his day. When you respond he feels right with the world, knowing someone out there cares about him. Every time you respond, he feels bolstered knowing a great gal like you is paying attention to him.

4. He Needs an Ego Boost – Anyone can feel down or low and what better pick me up then texting with several women throughout the day. Or even just one woman he feels comfortable with. Maybe you boost his ego because you think he’s funny, fun to talk to, creative or really interesting. He may reveal what seems like private details of his life to draw you in closer. Too bad it won’t get deeper than that.

5. He Enjoys it – Texting with you is F-U-N! Are you quick witted or have a good sense of humor? Do you share funny thoughts, pics, jokes or stuff from the media? You have to admit that texting with you is uber entertaining. So he keeps texting to get more, but AT A DISTANCE. If he wanted to enjoy your wit in person, he’d ask you out! But, he’s not asking!

There may be more reasons as to, “Why is he texting me if he’s not interested? But, these  cover the biggest ones for sure.

What Are You Looking for in a Man?

Here’s the big question for you. Are you ready? It all boils down to this shockingly simple inquiry. What you are looking for in a man?

  • Do you want a texting buddy?
  • Do you just want to entertain men instead of dating them?
  • Are you looking to help men overcome boredom and to fill their time?
  • Do you want to help a man improve his low self-esteem?
  • Are you chatting with men so they can stop feeling so darn lonely?

OF COURSE NOT! You want LOVE- the real thing.

So, this is what I want you to do. STOP IT.  This might seem harsh and you might be thinking, “No Ronnie, tell me I haven’t been wasting my time! Tell me this isn’t true!

I know, I hear you but I’m going to stand strong on your behalf and say with great compassion – please stop texting this man. Stop following him on social media. Stop Facetiming, talking to him nightly and hoping at some point that he’ll want to go on a real date to see you live and in person.

HOPE is a 4-Letter Word

When it comes to your health and healing the sick, hope is essential. Studies show how important a hopeful, positive attitude is for recovery. But, when you spend months hoping some guy will finally ask you out or see you a second time to get to know you in person – THAT IS  A MASSIVE WASTE OF YOUR TIME.

This is one place where HOPE becomes a 4-letter word, because you will curse the fact that you foolishly hung in there hoping some guy would finally come through for you.

Your best strategy when you get into a situation like this is to GET OUT NOW.

Take Strong Action

Block the guy on your phone and unfriend all his social media. Then go on a super strict diet from this guy and avoid him like the plague he really is. He might not be a bad person – I can say that. After all, he is just getting his needs met.

But, he is a complete drain on attracting the love life with right man you’ve been dreaming of for quite some time.

If you are serious about finding love, stop asking why is he still texting me if he’s not Interested? Drop that fantasy man and his virtual relationship like a hot potato and free yourself up to find REAL LOVE with a REAL MAN who takes you into his arms and kisses you passionately like there’s no tomorrow.

Seriously, stop wasting your time and get  my book 7 Deadly Sins of Texting now so you can get to the good part of dating – spending quality time with the man of your dreams

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting him and see what happensIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting. The texting is fun! Sometimes its fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees. Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. The texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t the find he time to see you?

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went. Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and your feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you. So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

Does he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult? I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not it’s OK I just want to know.” That should be easy for him o respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.” Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing. You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are. A man who is interested, but not setting up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you. You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Know How Dating Works

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option. They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing there is one leader and one follower. As the woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

The same thing is true at the start of dating. Follow a man’s lead. If he texts, text him back. If he doesn’t text YOU DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER. This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following”. You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40. It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE. But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you. They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him. Before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose is men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right? This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking’ to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one. The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.

Then you’ll observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential. If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting


When He Doesn’t Call for Days What Can I Do?

It drives you crazy when he doesn’t call for days, but what can you do about it? Here’s the insight you need and some help with understanding men.

when he doesn't call for daysWhy Won’t He Call Me Back?

There’s nothing more frustrating than waiting for a man to call. He said he would call, so why isn’t he doing it? Why would he say he’d call if he didn’t mean it?

Maybe you had a great date and you know he had a good time too. This is what makes it so hard to understand why he hasn’t called to ask you out again. Did he get sick, start seeing other women, or get busy with work? What is keeping him from connecting again?

The worst thing is when you begin worrying that you did something wrong. You review every detail looking for what you could have said or done to turn him off or send him on his way without meaning to. You feel sick for not knowing what happened or having bad luck with men.

So what is really going on when a guy doesn’t call for days? Here are six reasons why your phone is not ringing.

1) He’s Actually Busy

Sometimes a man gets buried in a huge project and simply forgets to call. While it does happen, this is not such a good excuse because being distracted could indicate you are not his priority or he doesn’t like you enough to keep you top-of-mind.

2) He’s Dating Other Women

When you first meet a new guy, expect him to be dating other women. Don’t assume he’s only seeing you until he suggests exclusivity. He’s not calling back quickly because he’s got a hot date with someone else.

If you’ve only had a date or two its not that big a deal. But if you’ve been seeing him for weeks and he doesn’t call when he says he will, he’s letting you know he’s not a man of his word and not worried about hurting your feelings or making you angry. Not a man who is serious about getting to know you.

3) He Knows You’re Not the One

Even if a man is attracted to you and has a great time, that doesn’t mean he wants to see you again. He might have decided you are not the one for him which is why he doesn’t call back for days.

There’s no way to know why since you might remind him of an ex, talk too much or not enough, be too thin or heavy, short or tall, etc. Don’t bother trying to figure this out. Just do your best to accept it.

4) He Likes Being Single

No matter what a great catch you are, he just doesn’t want to get involved. He doesn’t want to get serious, have any strings attached or allow you to have any expectations of him. He’s not ready for a relationship so a date here or there is perfectly fine, but nothing consistent appeals to him. Be aware – men do not change their minds about this.

5) He’s Back with His Ex

This happened to me. I had two great dates with a guy and some hot kissing. Then I heard nothing from him – crickets. Days turned into weeks and I was puzzled and distraught. I asked the mutual friend who set us up if she knew anything. Yes, turns out he got back with his ex and there’s no competing with an previous love.

6) He Has a Different Agenda

This guy is actually respectful because even though he disappeared, he did so because he knew you wanted more than he could offer. So he didn’t call again even though he could have strung you along for a while. Be grateful – when he doesn’t call for days this could be the reason. He chose not to waste your time.

Do Not Call Him!

Most women think the simple solution is to simply contact him. If you are thinking of texting or calling to see if he’s OK, find out what happened, or nudge him a little to get him to call DON’T DO IT! Instead of reaching out, read this post on why calling his is NOT your next step to finding love.

Hold your head high, maintain your dignity and do not chase any man. He knows how to reach you if he wants to. So if he’s not calling you remind yourself that he simply can’t be the right man for you. The right man for you would be calling, asking you out, trying to impress and win you over so you can be all his.

This is what quality men do. They know what to do and do not hesitate. Good men take the lead and pursue you, call in advance to ask you out and plan fun dates. There are plenty of men who still date in a traditional manner regardless of their age.

So do not accept poor treatment or let yourself get attached to a man who is not consistent in his pursuit of you. Don’t accept his excuses of being too busy or putting you off into the future. A quality man finds the time to see you because it’s important to him.

When He Doesn’t Call for Days

So now you know at least six reasons when he doesn’t call for days what that is about. I’m sure there are many more but you get the idea. It usually has NOTHING to do with YOU. So stop beating yourself up about it and wondering what happened. Let it go into the pile of life mysteries and go find another guy to date.

Why He Won’t Take Down His Online Profile – Understanding Men

He won’t take down his online profile and that is driving you over the edge. Here’s why and what you need to know about understanding men.

He won't take down his online profileWhy Is He Still Online?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy on tinder when I was traveling for work. I lived in a different state and at the time didn’t think it would be more than the one date. But we kept messaging daily and caught up the next time I was back and he’s come to see me a couple of times as well.

Fast forward 10 months – he confessed he loves me and wants to try to make it work despite the odds and the distance. When we became ‘exclusive’ we had a discussion about him still being on Tinder.

He said it was out of boredom and for validation and said he’d delete it. Turns out he hasn’t. The frequency of his communication has increased and every call ends with saying how much he loves and misses me.

He Won’t Take Down His Online Profile

I really don’t know how to discuss this with him and wonder whether it’s because he gets bored or lonely or if it’s something more and he’s looking for someone closer. We joked about it last time I saw him. I asked why he wanted to be with me when it would be easier to find someone closer. He said he just wants to be with me and there is no one else.

I want to confront him about it but I don’t know how. I think it would have to be when we next see each other in a few weeks so I can gauge his reaction properly but I honestly don’t know what to believe or what I want to believe.

Thanks Ronnie,
Holding My Breath”

Getting to Exclusivity

Dear Holding,

This is such a difficult position to be in so I understand why you feel uncomfortable. On top of this, you have already discussed exclusivity and taking down his profile. He agreed and DIDN’T DO IT! So that leaves you wondering, “Now what?”

The best way to look at this situation is to ignore his reasons for still being online. Yes, don’t worry about why he won’t take down his online profile. The truth is it doesn’t matter if he’s bored, lonely or wants someone closer geographically.

What does matter? How you want to be treated! You want to be respected and he is not giving you that respect.

This man professes his love for you, yet didn’t follow through on your simple request to take down his profile. That tells you he values staying online more than making you happy. Not a good sign for your hopes of lasting love.

Words Are Not Enough

Calling you, texting, expressing his love – all of these are nice, but not enough for lasting love.  You need a man who is committed to you and your relationship. Who values your love and doesn’t want to do anything to mess that up.  A man who keeps his word and does what he says.

That’s not your guy.

Where Is the Relationship Going?

I do have a big question – how do you see this relationship going? Are you hoping one of you will move to live near or with the other? Keeping a long distance relationship going is a lot more work than when you live close by. What are your hopes? Because if you don’t see this progressing to living together or marriage, why go through all this?

How Do You Confront Him About His Profile?

I’m not sure about bringing this up in person in case things don’t go your way. The phone might be easier. I would bring it up directly without prefacing the discussion with, “We have to talk.” That language puts a man on red alert.

You could simply say, “10 months ago you told me you’d take your profile down but it’s still up. That isn’t working for me. I want to be with a man who keeps his word. You want us to be together and exclusive, so will you please take your profile down today?”

Then listen to how he reacts and what he says. Keep this in mind: There are no acceptable excuses or thinking about it. The only answer is, “Yes I will do it today.” And then he does it.

Stand Behind Your Ultimatum

However, for this to work you have to be willing to hold up your end. The last line in your question about not knowing what to believe or even what you WANT to believe is the tip off you might be wavering.

Asking him to take down the profile is an ultimatum, so you have to be willing to stop seeing him and walk away if he won’t take his profile down immediately.  You must stand behind your words just like you want him to do. Are you OK with that?

The point of the ultimatum is not to get him to change. He has to want to do that on his own. You are just letting him know this is the end of the line. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect and if you don’t get that, you are moving on.

The real purpose of an ultimatum is to do what is right for you. Can you stay with a man who will not stop looking for other women after all this time? You simply can’t if you want to maintain your dignity and value yourself.

This is his chance to decide what he wants – and your chance to respond accordingly. If you don’t honor your own ultimatum, he won’t take down his online profile.

Don’t Be Afraid to Stand Up for Yourself

You know you are with the right man when you are not afraid to ask for or discuss something that doesn’t work for you. You cannot maintain a healthy relationship if you are unwilling to do this. When the man you’re dating is unwilling to talk things through or keep his word, he can’t be the Right Man for you.

Take the chance to ask about this and then follow through. If he’s not the guy, there are other good men out there waiting to meet a great gal like you. Don’t put up with vague exclusivity which is actually no exclusivity. You deserve he real things when it comes to love and a lasting, healthy, romantic relationship.

The bottom line is, if he won’t take down his online profile, you won’t be with him any more. Case closed.




What Will Make You Happier This Thanksgiving?

Curious what will make you happier this holiday season? With Thanksgiving right around he corner, here are a few simple, yet empowering ideas you’ll love.

what will make you happierHow to Feel Happier During the Holidays

Below are five simple ideas to try to boost your mood during he holiday season. it all starts this week as you know. Choose one tip or try them all. But promise me you’ll do at least one. When it comes to what will make you happier, there are more options than I could ever fit into this one blog.

1.Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Comparing yourself and your life to others is a surefire way to feel bad about yourself. No two people are alike and every one has some sort of problems. Even though the grass always looks greener, it’s probably not true. That’s just human nature.

So, if you catch yourself wondering why your sister, neighbor or colleague’s life seems so much better than yours, bring your attention back to you. Think about what is going well in your life. We tend to ignore the good and focus on what’s missing. What will make you happier is to keep your eyes in your own backyard.

2. Volunteer and Serve

If you wish your situation was different, maybe more fun, friends, money whatever, it’s time to think of those who are less fortunate than you. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, work at a pet shelter, or offer to help at your church.  Find something that suits you and then do it. When you help others, you take the focus off yourself and open your heart to give. Expanding your heart center is always good. 🙂

3. Let Go and Give

If you’ve got time on your hands during the holidays, put it to good use. Go through your closet looking for items you no longer wear to donate. If you haven’t worn it in over a year, that is a clue you should donate it. You might also have apparel or accessories that no longer fit or are out of style. Look through your coats too – its getting cold out there. Clearing clutter feels fabulous and opens the door for new things to come into your life!

You can also make room for a new man energetically by using Feng Shui principles. Feng Shui is an ancient Asian practice that promotes a healthy energy flow where you live and work. The idea is simple really – if you have two night tables, make sure one is empty with room for your man’s items. Make room in your medicine cabinet and also a little space in your closet. This is how you make room in your life for a new man energetically!

4. Give Thanks for People in Your Life Now

There are people in your life right now who make a difference in your life. Maybe a sibling or other family members, your children or neighbors. Think about your good friends, the ones you can count on. People who are part of your faith community. Colleagues who have your back. Others who have helped you in some way or simply put a smile on y our face.

Share your love and appreciation with these folks because they do not get enough acknowledgement. Let them know how much they matter. It might even be the teller at your bank or the person at the corner store where you get gas or coffee who always greets you with a smile. Let them know they brighten your day. Spread love and you will feel happier and uplifted.

5. Count Your Blessings

No matter what is missing in your life or not working, there are always things that are going right. But part of human nature is not to notice what is working. We tend to focus on lack and what’s going wrong. Time to shake things up!

Making a mental list is not really enough. Take out a sheet of paper or use your note function on your phone and make a LIST. This way you have a physical record you can refer back to when you go off the  rails and forget about all the things you can be grateful for. Don’t forget how you can afford lights and heat, a good meal, a warm coat, sunshine and more. The little things add up!

Thinking about what will make you happier, why not make a list of those things too? it might be to laugh at something every day, smile more, get out into the sunshine, walk in nature, a good cup of coffee, a piece of dark chocolate, a glass of wine, snuggling with your pet, or watching a funny movie. Don’t just create the list – do them.

Happy Thanksgiving!

For readers in the US celebrating Thanksgiving this week – may your holiday be enjoyable and a sweet memory.

As my gift of thanks to you, click here to listen to a Q & A recording on dating after 40 – the recording is just over an hour and is packed with helpful tips, inspiration and eye-opening insights into understanding men.


Why Won’t He Tell Me The Truth?

If you’re asking, “Why won’t he tell me the truth?” and feeling frustrated with the man you’re dating, this post will help clear that up for you and more.

why won't he tell me the truthFeel Like He’s Not Being Honest?

So you are seeing this man and he’s gotten a bit distant. You feel like something is wrong, in fact, you KNOW something isn’t right, but you can’t put your finger on what is going on. So you get up the nerve to ask him. Something like this comes out of your mouth:

“Why are you being distant?”
“Is something wrong between us?”
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Of course he says it’s nothing. He denies that anything is wrong at all. If you push further, he might blow up or worse, get even more distant. Why won’t he tell you the truth?

Sometimes you’ll tell a man you need to talk and that can be the kiss of death in terms of having a conversation. He seems to be totally avoiding you at this point. Ouch!

Women tell me they come right out and ask the man they’re seeing if he wants to break up or stop seeing each other. Again, this kind of question is often met with denial So, you feel worse and know you’re not getting any where. How are you supposed to fix this if he won’t talk to you?

Seriously, Why Won’t He Tell Me the Truth?

This painful question just keeps floating through your mind. Your curiosity gets the best of you and you end up thinking about this all day eventually. It seems so simple if he’d just ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.

Actually by the time you get to this point, his honest response, “Yes I want to break up,” would almost be a huge relief. Or if he’d admit he was cheating. At least you wouldn’t be in limbo-land any more. You’d know the truth and you could move on. It would hurt for sure but you can’t take it any more.

But, why won’t he tell me the truth?

How Men Think

Most men hate to admit they’re about to cause you pain. They don’t want any big emotional scene. Nor do they want to be the mean guy, even if they are pursuing another woman.

So here’s what they do – they AVOID YOU. They stay clear of the topic, become scarce, and change the subject. Whatever will get you off track works for a man like this because the LAST THING HE WANTS IS TO DISCUSS IT.

This is also why some men behave so poorly right before a break up – they act out hoping YOU’LL BREAK UP WITH THEM. Sorry to say, this is standard procedure for countless men at any age.

What Can You Do?

Please, stop trying to make things work. If you are prepared (and I hope you are) when things get this bad, your best move is to pull back too. It’s time for you to become scarce as well. Focus on yourself. Think about what will make you happy and do it.

For example, take really good care of  yourself. Get a massage or a mani-pedi. Go out with the girls. Watch chick flicks and eat ice cream. Read a new book or those magazines you never get to. Tackle one of those projects on your list. Do something creative. You have plenty of choices when you focus on YOU.

What does this do for you? It takes the focus off him and what you cannot fix. And it gives him a chance to step forward because if he was ever going to do it, this is his opportunity and he knows it. So if he’s not cheating on you or hoping you’ll leave him, he’ll sure know something is up when you go silent.

Breaking from your normal pattern of desperately trying to get him to talk will be a shock and send him a clear message. You won’t put up with his nonsense. And this gets communicated without saying one word. The silent treatment is as old as the hills, but still can produce results.

I’m not saying your man will definitely come back to you and try to work things out. But he might. And truly this is the only shot you have. Continuing to force the issue will not deliver any results. None that you actually want anyway.

His Reason Why Doesn’t Matter

Most women really want to UNDERSTAND WHY.  Why is he acting this way? Why won’t he tell me the truth? How come he is avoiding me? Why won’t he talk about it? But these questions will never be answered. You need to focus on why do you put up with such treatment? Who is he to behave this way around you?

It’s All About You

When you start to realize you cannot change men or make them do anything, you start to see the wisdom on focusing on you. What makes you happy? It sure isn’t him if he’s acting this way, avoiding you and not telling you the truth.

To keep your dignity, it’s time to realize the power to change your situation lies totally within you. That means you might need to leave him. Because you DESERVE BETTER. Why would you put up with a man who won’t be honest, won’t talk about things and treats you poorly?

The one thing you can change is YOURSELF. Walking away is the  most empowering thing when a man will not tell you the truth. This allows you to free yourself up so that when you are ready, you can go out to find love again with a better man.

Identify a Good Match

How do you know you found a good match? You’re with a man who WILL talk things over. He’ll stick around to work things out. A good man shows that he cares by apologizing if needed. He values you and doesn’t want to risk losing you.

The right man for you treats you like gold and his word is like gold too. He keeps his promises and you trust him. Thankfully, he follows through and means what he says to you and others. A man who is consistent and shows you respect as you do for him. He lets you know he cares through his actions, not just his words.

My dating advice is to stop worrying about, “Why won’t he tell me the truth?” Turn this around if he’s acting this way, because that means he’s already half way out the door. Then pull back yourself and take care of #1 – that’s you babe.

This is the way to react to a situation with dignity. You’ll not only keep your self-respect, but build it in relationships. Hold your head high and know you are destined for a better man who will treat you in a loving manner because that’s his nature.

Be true to yourself and let a man go who won’t tell you the truth or talk about things. He’s not the only man on the planet. I promise.

Kiss & Tell: Nearly 50 And Still Single, How Do I Meet A Guy?

November 6, 2017 via Hartford Courant

Milford Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan says there is no better way to meet men than online, especially for people over 50.

“It seems the older men get, the less social they are,” she says. “They don’t join singles groups at the same rate women do. Women tend to seek community. Men? They go online.”

So they’re out there, they’re using these sites and apps, but you’ve got to do lots of weeding.

“The truth is there are no more crazies online than anywhere else,” says Ryan. “It’s a slice of the general population and 40 million people are dating online in the United States.”

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