Author Archives: Ronnie Ann Ryan

13 Shocking Signs He Just Wants Sex And How To Catch On Fast

Learn the 13 shocking signs he just wants sex, so you know what to watch for to side step men like this. It’s obvious once you know what to look for.

 signs he just wants sexWhat If He Only Wants to Sleep with You?

“Dear Ronnie,

Are there signs he just wants sex? Why do men lie? If they are not into you for more than just a date, why lie and tell you they like you or act as if they like you.

Why do they discuss future vacations together and talk about going out, then Ghost after they’ve been dating you for 2 months. Is it that hard to act normal?

If he is not interested in more than just sex, why doesn’t he act so? Do guys never think about being honest? Do we as women literally have to ask them, “OK, are you really interested in me?”

Please help me understand because I am often heartbroken and left feeling so sad and very confused.

Thanks,
Nath from Chicago”

Understanding Men And Their Games

Dear Nath,

You asked good questions and I am going to answer each one, so you understand what is going on with men. I know this can be emotionally crushing, but there is a way to recognize a player faster. Once you know, then you can avoid these predators with ease.

When you are a straightforward woman looking for love, you want to trust and believe men. Yet, one disappointment and heartbreak after another makes it harder and harder. I understand how you feel and I went through this myself when I was dating and looking for love before meeting the man who became my husband.

Having met plenty of these types, I LEARNED how to catch on quickly and that made all the difference. I stopped wasting time on a man who showed signs he just wants sex and moved on to meet other men who was more potential.

Why Do Men Lie And Act Interested?

First, keep in mind not all men lie or pretend to be interested. Let’s think about this from a man’s perspective to better understand what’s really going on. If a man just wants sex and told you that, would you go for it? No, of course not! Men know most women don’t want to jump into bed – they prefer to get to know a guy a first.

So, that’s why some men lie. They do this to get their needs met the only way they know how. The same thing applies for talking about the future and vacations, etc. This kind of conversation is designed to make him look like he’s got long-term intentions about you, so you trust him and then…sleep with him.

Why Do Men Ghost?

Most men hate emotional scenes and will do whatever is necessary to avoid a big blow up. That’s why they stop contacting you (aka ghost) rather than breakup directly. Nothing new – this has been going on forever. A lot of guys don’t want to cause you pain face-to-face, but know they have to move on, so they drop out of sight.

Some experts say men are cowardly to avoid confrontation. Another way to look at this is they have a different threshold for emotions vs. women. That’s why most men rather shut down a difficult conversation or walk away, rather than talk it through. It’s often too much for a man. And that’s one way to know you found a good man when he’s willing to discuss things calmly.

Why Can’t You Ask Him Directly?

Last but not least, you CANNOT ask a man directly if he likes you. Why not? Because how will you know if he’s telling the truth? It’s a pointless effort. Again, this is confrontational and not the way to engage with men.

The Real Problem

Here’s the real problem – these are NOT THE RIGHT QUESTIONS! While you want to know if a man is lying and the signs he just wants sex, that’s not the best way to make decisions.

Instead, focus on discovering if he QUALIFIES to be your man. Does he pursue you consistently, requesting weekly dates, calling between dates and texting? Is he interested to get to know you or does he only talk about himself? Does he try to please you and find out what you like?

These are signs of a man who has a genuine interest and potential for a loving relationship. When a man asks you out consistently, shows that he cares, does nice things for you, stays in touch and becomes someone you can’t count on – that’s how you know he is worthy of your love.

How To Spot A Man Who Just Wants Sex

Here are the 13 signs he just wants sex:

  1. He talks about your looks from the moment you meet.
  2. He brings up sex within the first couple of dates.
  3. He’s a super flirt, very charming and seems like a player.
  4. He wants to sext and asks for pictures.
  5. He only communicates (text, email, phone) when he’s wants a booty call.
  6. He says he’s not looking for a relationship but will get to know you.
  7. You don’t go out on dates and have sex every time you see him.
  8. He’s got excuses for why he can’t spend time with your friends.
  9. He never spends the night.
  10. He’s angry if you don’t hop in the sack.
  11. He’s not much for foreplay.
  12. You don’t know much about him and your conversations are superficial
  13. You haven’t met his friends.

These Are The Signs He Just Wants Sex

If you see more than one of these signs, accept the fact this guy is most likely only into you for the sex. And now that you know the13 signs, be smart and heed this warning.

There’s nothing wrong with casual sex if you protect yourself and agree to participate. It can be a fun, you might learn something new and it’s a great stress reliever. But keep your eyes open and be smart.

On the other hand, if you are looking for something more serious and lasting, hold off on sex until you  see if he qualifies as a romantic partner and meets your standards. This is how you value yourself and don’t get sucked into casual relationships, dreaming of something more.

If you want more help with learning how to understand men, why not schedule a session with me? There’s no charge for this 45-minute call where we will work to figure out what’s getting in the way of finding love with the right man and if coaching is for you. Book your session now!

Dating A Widower? He’s Ready As Long As You See These 7 Signs

If you’re dating a widower, you may question if he’s ready for a relationship. Thankfully, you have nothing to worry about as long as you see these seven signs.

Dating a widowerDating a Widower Who Is Not Ready

While you may have some trepidation about dating a widower, there’s one really good thing about them as potential mates. If the man you’re dating had a good marriage, he’ll probably want to marry again. Most widowers seek love again more quickly than widows, usually after one year vs. as long as five years on average for women.

On the other hand, there are a number of serious concerns. That’s why you want to know if he’s ready for a new relationship or just filling time and feeling lonely. The last thing you want to do is “help” him get over his deceased wife. This is misguided because what you are really doing is ignoring the obvious fact that he’s not ready for the real thing with you. All your good intentions will simply lead to heartbreak if that’s the case.

Don’t make excuses for the widower you’re dating. If he exhibits signs that he’s not ready, and you are serious about finding lasting love, then you are barking up the wrong tree as the saying goes. Don’t do this to yourself!

You are better off leaving and starting over with a new man who is ready.  Nothing is worse than hanging in there waiting for some guy to get over his wife, thinking “if only he could focus on how good we are together.” If he could, he would.

7 Good Signs When Dating a Widower

What are the signs to watch for? If you are enjoying a widower’s company and see these seven signs, he’s probably ready for the lasting love you want.

1.It’s Been a Year – Most widowers will start getting back out there to date and hopefully find a new partner after about a year. This is the average period of grieving for most men. And statistically, these men are the most likely to marry again. Yay!

If it’s only been a few months, it doesn’t matter what a great guy he is – he’s NOT READY! Stay clear if you don’t want to be disappointed.

2. His Actions and Words Match – When the guy you’re dating says something and then follows through, this is always a good sign. But it’s even more meaningful when you’re a dating a widower. This shows he’s ready for a relationship because a man’s actions are what matter most.

This is actually true for any man you date of course. You want someone who you can count on and whose word is like gold. When you encounter a man who walks his talk, you are probably dating a man who has integrity. Some men talk a good game, but if they can’t deliver on that what’s the point? If he can’t follow through, walk away.

3. He Doesn’t Talk About Her Constantly – A widower who is not ready constantly talks about his wife. Everything brings up a memory of something special about her or an aspect he misses. You cannot win against a fond memory so don’t even try. He’s simply not ready to date you or any woman seriously.

If he brings her up once in a while and doesn’t wax on for too long, that is something to be expected and hopefully isn’t hard to tolerate. Should you be offended, then he’s probably not the right man for you. If he was happily married for many years, he’s going to talk about her to some degree.

More Good Signs

4. Only a Few Photos – It’s understandable that after many years of marriage with a woman he loved, his deceased wife will be in photos. A few here or there makes sense and is expected. However, if he’s got her picture by his bedside and all over the house, this is NOT a good sign. He’s still deep in grieving and not ready for a relationship with you.

Don’t ignore this, thinking you can talk him into putting those photos away. They are a statement about where he is in his healing process which cannot be hurried, no matter how well you get along or how much he seems to like you.

5. He Pursues You Consistently – As with any man, you want to be consistently pursued. This means he calls you weekly, takes you on a date at least once a week if not more, and texts in between (if he’s a texter). This is how you know any man is genuinely interested in you.

This is particularly important when dating a widower, because it would be easy to see you sporadically just to have some female company and not be alone. But if he sees you once a week to start and then picks up your time together, this can be a good sign for sure. Keep in mind, consistency builds a relationship. So, if his contact or dates are not very regular, he’s probably more casual then you think.

Dating a Widower Over 50

6. Doesn’t Fear His Family – When you are dating a widower of any age really, if he’s extremely concerned about not upsetting his family with you, he’s not ready to date. You want to be with a man who is confident in himself, his actions and his choices. A man who fears what his family will think about you or his dating, is not standing on his own two feet.

Don’t think that everything will be alright once they see how great you are together. Trust me, that is not what they will think. In a case like this, the family, including children, parents or in-laws, is concerned with preserving the status quo and the loving memory of his wife. There’s no winning if there’s any competition with her ghost – you WILL lose.

7. Introduces You to Friends and Family – Another great sign of a man’s genuine interest and readiness is when he starts introducing you to the people who matter most in his life. Once you start meeting friends, and family members in particular, then you know you are on a good track.

Understand that the children, especially if they are young, may take longer. And this makes perfect sense in the case of dating a widower or a man who is divorced. Most men (an women) want to know you are likely to be part of their life long-term before you meet the kids.

Warning Signs Dating a Widower

To sum up the warning signs, if it’s been less than a year since his wife passed, he shares his ideas about your future together, but doesn’t follow through, he might not be ready. If he talks about his wife constantly, has tons of photos, is inconsistent with his attention, think twice about dating him.

And, if he expresses concern about what his family might say, or doesn’t introduce you to anyone, keep in mind these are serious warning signs, letting you know dating this man who is a widower is probably not the best idea. Only he can decide when he’s healed and ready for a serious, lasting relationship with a new woman.

Don’t spend your time helping him recover. This is a thankless job for as soon as a man is feeling better, he most often walks away and finds another woman to commit to. When a man is not at his best, he can’t really give you what you want. And after he recovers, you remind him of a time when he was weak. So, he moves on. You will not win as nursing him back to emotional health.

The Good News About Widowers

Now, the good news is that a widower most often wants to be married again. He’s not phobic about commitment and likes having a woman in his life. So, if you are dating a widower who is showing all the good signs outlined in this post – excellent!

Enjoy this time with your new man and take things slowly to be sure you are both making good choices. There’s no need to rush, so taking your time allows you to savor every joyous moment.

If you want more dating advice tailored to you and your circumstances, let’s chat! Schedule a free session with me and fill out the short application to discover if coaching is right for you.

 

Does He Like Me? 14 Clues That Show He’s Definitely Into You

Does he like me? How can you tell if the new guy you are seeing is really into you and serious about building a relationship or just going along for the ride? Watch for these 14 clues to know if he’s into you.

Does he like meDoes He Like Me – How Can I Tell?

Finally you are dating a guy you really like and it seems he likes you too. But how do you know for sure? There are definitely signs to watch for once you know what matters most about a new guy and how he treats you.

So many women get terribly confused, frustrated and anxious trying to figure this out. They ask girlfriends, family, guy friends, search the web seeking answers to the emotionally driven question “Does he like me?” That’s why I want to break this down for you into simple, easily understandable pieces so you know where you stand.

This information is strictly for the start of dating which means the first 6-8 weeks. If you’ve been with each other for several months, then the criteria and clues change. So this pertains to the start of dating and a budding relationship.

1) He Asks You Out On Real Dates

The man you are seeing asks to see you and takes you on REAL dates. What is a real date? When you go out to do something like dinner, movie, going for a walk and then drinks, going to a museum, seeing live music, etc. A real date is time spent out in public where he pays for you.

Free dates like a walk, hiking or kayaking, biking, kite-flying etc., are OK for some of the dates. But if all your dates are free, think twice. If he’s not willing to invest even a small amount of money to entertain you, then he has no money, is super cheap or has money issues.

If you go to your house or his and watch a movie or talk, that’s not a real date, particularly for the first four weeks. Stay out of the house for safety and to reduce the temptation of sleeping with him before you know he has real merit.

2) You See Him at Least Once a Week

It’s OK if things start out slowly and you only see him once a week for a few weeks. But by week four or five, things should pick up if he’s into you. When you are seeing a man who is super busy and he doesn’t have time because he’s traveling or has his kids, etc., that let’s you know he’s NOT ready or doesn’t have time for a real relationship.

Don’t except his excuses. Men show you who they really are through their actions. If he talks about wanting to see you, but doesn’t make time weekly, he’s not the right man. Yes, it really is this simple if you date with your head and not just your heart. This is how you avoid getting attached to a man you won’t be happy with.

3) He Calls At Least Once A Week

Texting is not a way to get to know someone. It’s fun, entertaining and you can learn about each other this way, but to really get to know a person, you need to talk on the phone (or see each other in person). There is no substitute for conversation when it comes to finding out what you need to know to properly vet a man.

You want to hear his voice – how long he pauses before answering a question, his tone of voice, when and why he laughs and so much more. Texting offers only one dimension, where actual conversation is multi-dimensional and rich with clues about who a man is.

4) He Is Consistent

When asking, “Does he like me?”, the real answer is seen over time. You are looking for consistency which is a sign of his true interest.

A lot of men will SAY they are seriously interested, but then disappear for days or longer, talk about plans and the future, but never ask to see you. I call this “Blah, blah, blah” which means he’s all talk (or text) and it means nothing.

Watch what he DOES – that tells you everything you need to know about if he likes you. His consistent efforts to get to know you mean a lot.

5) He Keeps His Promises

A quality man showing genuine interest keeps his word to you. Anyone might need to cancel here or there but if he cancels often or needs to reschedule, that’s a big warning sign that other things are far more important than you! it could also mean he has issues telling the truth or following through and neither one is good.

6) He Pays For Half Your Dates Or More

I’m old fashioned and think chivalry is not dead. For the most part let the man pay for at least the first few dates. After the second or third date, you can offer to pay. Then you can take turns if that feels right.

If you start paying for the majority of dates, that’s a bad sign. This indicates he may have a chip on his shoulder about women and money, is cheap, has some kind of money issue, or isn’t that interested in you.

If you’re asking, “Does he like me?” and the guy you’re seeing never takes out his wallet – the answer is NO.

7) He Asks About Your Life

Want to know if he’s serious? One way is if he asks about your life and shows interest in what you are doing, working on or hoping for. This is what a quality man does – he wants to be a part of your life, not just seeing you as an extension of his life.

When a man only talks about himself and doesn’t ask many questions after the first couple of dates, that’s a red flag he might be self-absorbed or narcissistic. If this is happening, I can see why you want to know, “Does he like me?”

8) He Shares About His Life

Sometimes men share personal details very quickly and women tend to think he must really like them as a result. However, if he’s pouring his heart out on the first phone call or date – that can be a seduction technique OR a sign he’s super needy. Again, neither is good.

However, as he gets to know you, if he starts sharing what happened at work or with a friend and what is going on in his life, that’s a very good sign. He’s bringing you into this world. If he calls because he’s excited about something and wants to share it with you – awesome!

9) He Asks For Your Opinion

When a man you’re seeing asks what you think about something going on in his life, whether it’s buying a car or a situation at work, that’s a good sign too. He respects you enough to value your insights. This is significant – wahoo!

10) Introduces You To Friends & Family

When a man slowly introduces you around to key friends and family, that’s a sign he’s getting comfortable enough with you to include you in his life. However, be aware sometimes a man thinks you’re really hot and takes you to meet his buddies to show off. You’ll need to combine this clue with others just to be sure.

11) Treats You With Kindness and Respect

Anyone can have a bad day, but as long as most of the time your man treats you with respect, that’s what you are looking for. If he’s kind, is interested in what you like and what makes you happy, that’s what counts!

12) Accepts You For Who You Are

The right man doesn’t try to control you or change you and accepts you for exactly who you are. He doesn’t criticize your clothing, what you eat or your beliefs even if he doesn’t agree with everything – who does? You know you’ve got a keeper when he thinks your quirks are cute.

13) Works Through An Issue

Even at the beginning of a budding romance, something might come up that needs to be discussed and worked through. This guy is willing to talk about it to make sure he understands your point of view and then wants to work out a solution.

On the other hand, if you get into a scrap and he walks away, starts yelling, blames you for the problem, or becomes unpleasant in any way, these are glaring red flags. For lasting love, you need to be able to communicate calmly and work through issues.

14) He Compliments You

Let’s not forget basic compliments like he saying something nice about your hair or dress. Or saying how much fun he has with you, what a beautiful smile you have or how much he likes spending time with you.

This one needs to be combined with a few others to have real meaning, but hey- it’s always nice to get compliments!

Now You Know The Signs

You might not see all 14 clues that let you know he likes you all at once. Several take time to emerge. However, if you are looking for lasting love and a healthy relationship, you’ll want to see all of these to know you’ve found a good man who is surely a keeper.

Don’t make excuses for your guy. If you are often wondering, “Does he like me?” he’s probably not the right man. A good man doesn’t leave you hanging. If he’s not always kind, never compliments you or doesn’t want to talk things through, your relationship will be problematic.

Building a good relationship can be hard enough when everything is good, so do not overlook these qualities if you want to be with a man who will make a good life partner.

Love and Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan’s New Program Concentrates on Building Self-Love to Help Women Attract a Romantic Life Partner

By: Hayley Matthews | August 28, 2018 via DatingNews.com

When you’re on the playground at school, dating is easy. You pass a note, whisper a secret, and — bam — you’ve got a boyfriend. However, the older you get, the harder it is to find that crush-worthy guy and tell him how you feel. Many midlife women struggle in the modern dating scene because they no longer have the heart or the confidence to put themselves out there.

Midlife dating has its fair share of challenges. You could be dating as a single parent, a divorcee, a widow, or just someone who’s never found love. All these complications can make daters feel hesitant to be themselves and risk getting hurt.

Over time, middle-aged singles may develop self-esteem issues and put up with bad partners and unhealthy relationships because they feel desperate or afraid.

Midlife dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan told us that she has seen many of her clients rush into a relationship and get attached to someone they barely know. She said the best advice she can give clients in those situations is to take things slow and make sure the person they’re dating is worthy of them.

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7 Ways To Show A Man Your Feminine Side And Capture His Attention

Your feminine side is the only way to capture a masculine man’s eye. Most single women say they want a masculine guy. Sought after characteristics include decisive, successful, confident, financially stable earning a good living, and comfortable in his own skin. Sounds pretty good right?

Looking for a Masculine Man?

When I say most single women, I mean women from all walks of life. Whether you have a highly successful career in business or teach fifth grade. From the city to the country, the vast majority of women I talk with describe their ideal man in this way.

However, for many successful single gals, there’s a bit of a hurdle here. It might not be what you think either. See a masculine man wants a feminine woman. A woman who heightens his sense of being a man by displaying her softer side.

Before you get your panties in a bunch, I’m not suggesting that you dumb yourself down, be a doormat, or act like a sex object. You should always be yourself.  Your feminine self.

What Does Your Feminine Side Look Like?

When you have a fabulous career, you are most likely relying on your masculine nature. We all have a degree of both genders within us. Work most often requires building masculine skills to make things happen in the world.

Your feminine energy is very different. It’s about creativity (including creating new life) and playfulness. In addition, your womanly way involves feelings, intuition and gut instinct. That’s why it’s called the “softer side”. Feminine energy is fluid, mysterious, and alluring.

This is extremely appealing to a masculine man. The more in touch you are with your feminine side, the more it sparks his masculine side. Men long for the warm, and charm of a woman which is why experts always tell you to keep a little mystery about yourself to draw him closer and make him want to know MORE.

How to Enhance Your Feminine Side

I’m going to share seven ways to enhance your feminine side and share that with a man. This can work to make you even more attractive and at times, practically irresistible. No worries, these are all easy tips that any woman can put to work and rely on.

1. Listen Up. In conversation with a new man, you might be thinking about what you want to say next. But becoming a good listener is more important. When a man feels heard, it feels just as good as it does for you. To show genuine interest, lean in a bit when he talks. This body language tip works as well for dating as for the interview process.

2. Pamper Yourself. When you honor yourself, you take good care of yourself. That means you get a massage, take scented baths or enjoy a Reiki treatment at the spa. These are sensual experiences – which heighten your feminine energy. Taking time for self-care shows confidence and worthiness – both highly appealing traits in a woman.

3. Enjoy Nature. Nature abounds with feminine energy – just think of Mother Nature! When you take a walk on a wooded path or spend time at the beach, you are not just relaxing or exercising, but communing with nature. This is such a simple way to connect with your feminine side and enjoy the world around you.

More Tips for Your Feminine Energy

4. Dance. The energy of dancing is highly feminine, especially if you wear a skirt that twirls. But even if you don’t, getting out on the dance floor with a man definitely puts you in touch with your femininity. Add a couple of sensual moves like hips swaying or reaching your arms up in the air, and you have him captivated.

5. Appreciate Beauty. When you can slow things down enough to take a few minutes and simply enjoy the beauty around you, that’s moving into your feminine energy. Smell the roses as they say. Again, this is a sensual exercise using your senses which always heightens your femininity. While you’re at it, appreciate your own beauty too!

6. Flirt! The most powerful flirting starts with body language. You send signals all day long whether you know it or not. Body language tells it all. But you can also easily “fake it till you make it”. These signals are part of the human lexicon and are recognized by men worldwide without saying a word. At the very least, when you catch a man’s eye, be sure to smile and hold eye contact for 2-3 seconds before turning away.

7. Be Coy. When a man asks a personal question, you don’t want to answer, don’t get mad or flustered, be coy! That’s the best way to intrigue him and move him to a new subject. For example, if he asks why you’re still single, give him your coy smile and say, “Well most men aren’t like you.” He’ll eat it up!

Be Soft, Warm & Inviting

The more you share your feminine side and allow yourself to be soft warm and inviting, the more second dates you’ll get. Remember, feminine power is the power of allure. Like Helen of Troy from ancient Greece, whose beauty launched a thousand ships as her man went to war to get her back from kidnappers – you’ve got that power too. Use it or lose it!

Some women complain to me that they don’t want to do this flirty stuff. I say, “Really, you don’t want a man to find you mysterious, intriguing and want more? That would be so unpleasant.”

If you want to find love with a masculine man, then honey, you have to let HIM be the MAN. You can’t use your surefire aggressive business skills in romance – that KILLS any chance of romance. Don’t try to get the ball rolling by asking him out (more than once anyway). Avoid texting to keep him interested – these tactics do not work!

Make Him Want You

What does work practically every time – especially with the right man? Your feminine charm. Make him want you and melt his heart. The only way to connect at the heart level is through the heart. And your heart is your feminine side so learn to leverage your innate abilities to find the love you deserve.

Want more tips on flirting and tapping your feminine charm? Check out my program Flirt School! Don’t miss the bus on this part of dating. Gain access now to your feminine side!

Dating a Separated Man: How Long Should You Be Patient?

Dating a separated man can be a challenge. You’ll need to be patient for plenty of reasons, but for how long? Read on to find out what you need to know.

Can Dating a Separated Man Work?

The best answer I can give on dating a separated man is that  – it depends. There are so many variables and I can only cover so many, but I will do my best to touch on the main points.

His Personality

First, it depends on the man’s personality. How much can he handle living in the flux of still being legally married, but not in a romantic relationship. For some men this is a huge burden and they need time to heal. That usually cannot happen until the divorce is over. So, if the guy you’re dating is still separated, you’ve got a LONG HAUL before you.

His Ex Wife

Another contributing factor depends on his ex – is she a high-drama type or civil and reasonable. If he claims she’s crazy, you are sure to suffer being in a relationship with him. It doesn’t matter if this seems fair or not, when the ex is difficult, everyone is affected.

His Children

Some men have no trouble seeing their kids and having a life for themselves. Others feel tremendously guilty and as a result must spend every waking moment with their children when they have them. What that means for you is you’ll always be a second-class citizen and never come first. This will show up in many hurtful ways and never get better so beware if this is your situation.

You might only see him on his off weekend or may be not even that will be guaranteed. You can forget about anything regular if he works weekends, is passionate about his hobbies, or his wife offers more time with his kids than their agreement stipulates.

Dating a Separated Man – Is He Ready?

Regardless of what he SAYS, most men who are separated are not ready for a new serious relationship. If you’re OK with casual, which means you’ll see each other whenever and not every weekend, then it might work. Not all women want a consistent, close relationship fearing their independence will be at risk. This can be perfect if you are not looking for a commitment.

However, if you want a committed relationship, weekend companionship, consistent weekly dates, you are out of luck when dating a separated man. He will have too many things taking up his time to offer what you want or meet your needs.

In addition, emotionally a separated man can’t handle much pressure. They tend to be sporadic in their dating efforts. Romance is usually not a top priority even though they welcome female company and of course sex.

How to Know If He’s Not Ready?

Once you know what to look for if dating a separated man, it’s easy to spot a guy who is definitely NOT ready for the kind of love you want. He might say variations for the following, so listen closely when you first meet a new guy:

“I’m not looking for anything serious, but I’m happy to get to know you and see where things go.”

“I need space, but we can get to know each other and see what happens.”

“I just got out of a relationship, but let’s get to know each other and see how things go.”

Turns out men who say this are being HONEST with you. Right up front they are telling you they don’t want a relationship, commitment or anything serious. They want something lose and commitment-free with no expectations.

If you can handle that, great! But, if deep down, you are hoping he’ll see how great things can be with you and change his mind, you are looking at disappointment and possible heartbreak.

Dating a Separated Man with Baggage

The truth is, dating a man who is still married will always be a problem. They have all kinds of baggage and no matter how great a guy he is, you can’t separate him from this baggage. Only HE can do this.

Until he’s ready to move on and make you a priority, he’ll be full of excuses. Maybe he feels too guilty to go through with the divorce, even though he promised and he’s close. Or he might want his freedom to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants including helping a friend, dating other women or watching football all weekend.

This can be a highly selfish time for a separated man and in truth he NEEDS this time for himself. No matter how much you like him or how much he claims to like you – he’s got family and emotional baggage you’ll have to put up with. And that will not be fun. Love is not enough to have a healthy relationship no matter how long you are willing to wait.

Dating a Separated Man Who Lives With His Wife

What could be worse than dating a separated man who is still at home living with his wife? Sometimes he feels too guilty to leave, he feels like she needs him, or he can’t afford to sell the house and move out. What a mess! How can this situation bring you anything but heartache?

I’ve heard crazy stories about men who agree to still go to family events with their wives or show a good front for business, regardless of being in a new relationship.

How Long Should You Be Patient Dating a Separated Man?

So, how long should you be patient with a separated man? Depends on how much of your life are you willing to put on hold or waste waiting for him? If his divorce is just a couple of months away from completion, well that might be worth it. However, if he…

  • Hasn’t even started proceedings why wait for what could take years?
  • Doesn’t keep his promises and often disappoints you, that will not suddenly improve
  • Was super nice for a while, but that’s all changed, it won’t revert back to how things were
  • Doesn’t have time for the relationship you want, that’s who he is, and it won’t change
  • Has a million excuses why he can’t see you, things won’t get better in the future
  • Loves you and you love him, but this doesn’t make you happy, it won’t change!

The Bottom Line

Can dating a separated man work out? Sure, on super rare occasions a man will finish his divorce, feel ready for a relationship and commit to you for the kind of romantic partnership you want.

However, playing the lottery makes more sense since the odds of winning are better. Please don’t think YOU will be the EXCEPTION. I know so many women who wasted the best years of their life dating a separated man who promised to get divorced.

Your separated guy is NOT the only one for you no matter how it seems. And if you are just starting to date, please exclude separated men from your list of potential partners. Eliminate the drama and pain. Why even get started when you know this situation is 99.9% sure to be a tear-jerker?

Stop being patient and understanding and instead, go after what you want! Move on from men who can’t love you the way you want and find a new man who is ready for the healthy relationship you dream of and deserve.

Curious about other big dating mistakes that can ruin your chances for love? Get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes

Signs He Likes You After The First Date

Looking for signs he likes you after the first date? Here are five things to watch for to know if you can expect to see him again.

5 signs he likes you after the first dateHow to Tell If a First Date Went Well

Finally, you’re on a date with a man you like! Even better, you get the distinct feeling he likes you too. But, how can you know for sure? What are the signs he likes you after the first date?

There are plenty of people who offer dating advice on this subject. I have seen a lot that in this expert’s opinion, does not hold water. The most common things are the ones that might just fool you. And that could be what your date had in mind to get you into the sack quickly.

Don’t Be Fooled By Sweet Talk

There are a few telltale signs that a guy is into you. However, there are others that sound good, yet don’t really mean much. For example, if he says he hasn’t met a woman like you in a long time, no question that’s a nice compliment. But, it could have absolutely no meaning beyond flattery.

Don’t be fooled if your date says, “I’ll call you” at the end of the night. Many men feel compelled to say this because they don’t know another way to end the date. Confusing as this might be, don’t put stock in this phrase since it’s actually most often a sign that he WON’T call.

Another comment that gives you a false sense of security that a man is into you, is if he talks about future plans. Future fantasizing can be fun for a man who is a romantic at heart. The proof is in the pudding though – men who wax on about all the things you could do together rarely follow through.

Seduction vs. Genuine Interest

Some men skilled in the art of seduction will share a good deal of personal information, hoping you’ll feel safe with him as a result. Women often tell me how a date revealed intimate details about his life and they thought this was a good sign. Why would a man do this if he didn’t feel really comfortable?

It’s an old trick and often works too. A man will draw you in with his story to gain sympathy and hope you’ll let down your guard. Then he can swoop in, so he can get you into bed that night. Many women throw caution to the wind with a man like this as they get swept off their feet. Don’t be fooled by this technique.

Signs He Likes You After The First Date

So, what are the things to watch for so know you’ll see him again? Here are the five that I trust as positive indicators he wants more of you.

1. Calls the Next Day to Say He Had a Good Time

If your date picks up the phone to tell you he had a good time, this is a strong signal you will see him again. Texting is easy and lazy. He could text you and then 10 more women. But, he’s not likely to CALL 10 women. Not at all.

So, if he calls and chats with you the day after your first date, you may have him on the hook girlfriend.

2. Strong Eye Contact

If your date gazes into your eyes for a good part of your time together, he may be signaling serious interest. Consistent eye contact shows his comfort with you and a desire to know more. Sometimes this might border on staring, so don’t be too surprised, but it’s not a bad thing. (Unless he’s staring at body parts and not into your eyes.)

And if you happen to notice that his pupils are dilated, it can be a biological response pointing to deep attraction (or it’s too dark in the room – haha!)

3. He Leans Towards You

When a man is genuinely interested n what you have to say, he LEANS IN to be sure he can hear you. This is typical body language that has been proved through tons of social research and you can bank on it.

When a person is fully engaged in the conversation, they want to get closer. Bingo – another of the signs he likes you after the first date.

4. Laughs a Lot

If you are truly building rapport, he’ll laugh easily and smile a lot. This might seem like a no brainer, but you’d be surprised. Sometimes your date will smile some of the time but look off into space, around the room or down at the table if he’s not that comfortable.

When you’re engaged in a conversation and things are going well, there will be a good dose of laughter and a smile on his face for the majority of the time.

5. Asks for Another Date

Yup, one of the surefire signs he likes you after the first date is that he asks for a second date while he’s still with you! He might say he wants to see you again or my personal favorite, asks when you are free.

My husband asked me at the end of our first date if he could see me again when he walked me to my car. Of course I said, “Yes!” He gave me a quick kiss and started to walk away to his car across the parking lot.

Then much to my surprise and delight, he turned back and ask, “Well when are you available?” It still makes my heart go pitter-patter.

This is the strongest of the signs he likes you after the first date. Nothing like knowing you’ve got a second date lined up to feel like you are on your way to getting to know him.

Your Next Move

Now that you know the five signs he likes you after the first date, what should you do next? Absolutely NOTHING! That’s right. Leave the ball in his court and follow his lead. Let him call you and suggest a date.

Don’t feel tempted based on your good rapport to check in, reach out, text about your day or call him. Let him do all that which is the only way you’ll ever know if his interest is building or has dissipated.

When you let a man lead during the initial dating phase, you don’t risk crowding him, pushing him beyond his comfort zone, invading his privacy, rushing him and most importantly turning him off. Read this post for more about letting the man lead.

 

If you want more insights into understanding men and dating, get my Free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes That Ruin Your Chances for Love

Why Doesn’t He Like You Back? 11 Reasons You’re Not a Match

Asking yourself why doesn’t he like you back? If it’s been a while since you last dated, you might not realize the 11 reasons why you simply aren’t a good match. Read on to find out what is preventing him from liking you and why you need to move on.

why doesn't he like you backDoes He Like Me?

When you start seeing someone new, waiting to find out if he likes you back can be so difficult. The same is true for just having a crush or meeting a man once and wanting more. it takes two to tango, so you NEED to know if he’s interested.

And when it becomes obvious that he’s not interested, the painful questions begin. First you want to know why doesn’t he like you back? You’re attractive, smart, fairly fit, easy to talk to, so what gives? What could he possibly want that you don’t have?

You might never discover exactly why you weren’t the one for him, but I can give you 11 reasons why he might have chosen to keep looking. Some are about him and some are about you and how you interact with him right from the start.

1.You’re Not His Type

People look for different qualities in a date. That’s why it stands to reason you won’t be the woman for every man – in the same way all men aren’t right for you. You get that right? Sometimes you’re just not a good fit and there’s nothing you can do about it.

2. You Make It Too Easy

I’m sure you’ve heard about playing hard to get. There’s definitely truth to this strategy with men. I’m not saying you need to be impossible to get together with – that can turn a man off fast. But a little resistance makes you a challenge and interesting.

And that’s why when you make things too easy for him it’s a turn off. Maybe this will help you understand this. Most women complain about men who are too nice. You’ve probably met a man like this yourself. And his over-eagerness to please turns you off. He’s too easy so there’s no mystery if he likes you, no excitement and no sexual chemistry.

So, when you change plans at the very beginning of dating to make yourself available or let him know any day of the week is free for him, what’s the fun of that? It appears you have nothing else going on in your life and you end up looking DESPERATE.

Don’t serve yourself up to him on a silver platter making it too easy. Offer one or two nights you are free and let him make other suggestions if those don’t work with his calendar.

3. He Has Unreasonable Standards

Anyone can be guilty of this. When your standards are too high, you could easily end up single. That goes for men as well who might not be realistic with the qualities they seek. For all you know, the man you met, dated or want to meet is ridiculous with his demands for the right woman.

So, if he passes you by thinking the perfect woman will be next, it’s his loss. If you’re wondering why doesn’t he like you back, this is a man not to bother with.

4. You Got Friend Zoned

It happens for a variety of reasons – sometimes you end up in the friend zone. Perhaps you sound too much like one of the guys. Perhaps you seem competitive with him. Or maybe you remind him of someone else.

How you end up there doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you’re not going to get out of the friend zone and will need to move on. When asking why doesn’t he like you back, appealing to him only at the friend level is a problem.

5. He’s Not Sexually Attracted

Either a man finds you sexually attractive or he doesn’t. There are only two choices which means if it turns out he doesn’t find you attractive, there’s not one darn ting you can do about. As the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger says, “The penis does the picking.’

With women, we’re different. With time, attraction can grow as a man does something sweet or endearing or he just treats you so well you can’t help but feel his magnetic charm affecting you. I’ve seen this happen over and over again.

One of my clients wanted nothing to do with bald men. Then we talked about it, she went out with a bald guy and fell in love! He had so many of the qualities she wanted she found a way to see past his lack of hair to see the amazing gentleman he really was. But, sorry, this doesn’t work with men.

6. He’s Not Ready

Sometimes a man is just not ready for anything serious. He can sense you are, or he listens when you tell him, so he figures you won’t be open to something casual. Honestly, this is for the better. The last thing you want to do is date a man, fall in love hoping he’ll change and want a serious relationship. Why – because that doesn’t happen.

If a man comes right out and tells you, “I’m not looking for anything serious” or “I need my space but am willing to get to know you,” these are strong signals he doesn’t want a relationship. As a woman who values herself, it’s up to you to believe his honesty, know you can change him and move on. Women who don’t do this are left confused about why doesn’t he like you back.

7. You’re Not Compatible

You might meet a man you’re into, but he sees something in you right away that tips him off how you’re not compatible. A quality man is not going to hang around and waste your time or his. He’ll just move and  not call again.

This can be true even if it seems you both hit it off. Or he might text you for a while because you’re fun and have a quick wit. But, he’ll honor his assessment of you and not ask you out again.

8. He’s Into Another Woman

When you are using online dating sites and the apps, you are both meeting and dating several candidates at the same time This is to be expected and appropriate. The relationship begins once he asks if you want to be exclusive or you bring it up and he agrees.

That’s why it’s possible he’s already met a woman he likes, but is still checking out other options.  Women do the same thing right? This is normal for the early stages of dating and certainly explains the question, “Why doesn’t he like you back?”

9. You’re Trying Too Hard

Maybe you’re tired of being alone and dating and you just want to find the right guy already! Sometimes, being over anxious does come across as trying too hard. It’s very bit as unappealing as making things too easy for him.

Trying too hard can include too much eye contact on a date, too much head-bobbing agreement, or laughing too hard at his jokes. Other possibilities are texting too much, asking him to call you, or coming up with numerous suggestions on what you can do together. This is also similar to coming on too strong.

The best strategy is to simply relax and see what happens. Don’t push it. Hang back to see what he does to win you over and spend time with you. That’s how you know he’s interested – not from his texts or what he says.

10. You’re Divergent on Religion and Politics

Right now in the USA, our politics are highly polarized. This is why I strong urge you not to discuss politics at all. You can post your preferences in your profile – that’s the perfect way to let someone know which side you are on.

However, even if you are on the same side, talking about politics is NOT romantic. The same thing is true about religion. If you’re wondering why doesn’t he like you back after discussing either topic, now you know why you didn’t get a second date – or maybe a first!

11. You’re Too Sexy

There are men today who are still conservative and want a “good woman”. So, if you happen to be a sexy babe and dress less conservatively, you might turn off a small segment of single males. This is especially true for religious men or men who were brought up with strong religious ties, even if they no longer participate.

You could tone down your style. Or you could admit that you can’t appeal to everyone and be who you are! If you chase away a religious man because of your cleavage or tight pants, then he wasn’t the right man for you any way.

Signs He Doesn’t Like You Back

And there you have it – 11 startling, yet common answers to the question, “Why doesn’t he like you back?” The best thing you can do when looking for the right man for lasting love is not get hung up on some guy you’ve just talked or texted with, or only had a handful of dates. Learn how to let it go and stop driving yourself crazy.

The truth is even if you asked him directly, he wouldn’t tell you the truth. And he might not even be able to articulate why you weren’t the one for him. There’s no way to change this fact so drop it. Then move on and meet some new men so you CAN find the right one. He’s out there if you keep your eyes, mind and heart open.

In case you are now wondering how to know if he does like you, this post will spell it out.

For more info on possible dating mistakes you might be making, get a copy of my Free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Ruin Your Chances for Love

How To Get Over A Breakup When He Cheated and Broke Your Heart

Wondering how to get over a breakup when he cheated? You’re broken-hearted and feel like this pain will never end. The good news is that you will get past it if you follow these steps to recover, bounce back and start smiling again.

how to get over a breakup when he cheated7 Steps to Heal from a Breakup

Everyone gets through a tough emotional situation like this differently. But these empowering seven steps will help you get over a breakup and feel like yourself again faster than you might think. And maybe come out the other end wiser and more optimistic, as you look for love again.

1. It’s Not Your Fault.

When a man cheats on you and this ends your relationship, chances are very strong it had nothing to do with you. Yet, women always look at themselves agonizing over their shortcomings, thinking somehow, they are at fault. Why do women consistently blame themselves?

Most likely his cheating has nothing to do with you. He might have wanted his freedom, felt bored, dissatisfied, or wanted variety. Instead of addressing the issue directly with you, he chose the coward’s way out by cheating. He knew this would make you breakup with him. This is all about him, not you.

2. Closure Is a Myth.

What is closure? Most likely you want to hear a reason why he cheated, so you can argue, refute it and convince him he’s wrong. In other words, the search for closure is the hope to turn things around. Did you talk to him trying understand what really went wrong? How did that go?

This is what I mean when I say there is no such thing as closure – it’s a myth. I can’t imagine he would give you a satisfying reason that would suddenly cause you to say, “Ok, I get why you broke up with me.”

Sometimes closure is about getting the last word or even about trying to inflect pain as retribution. That might feel good momentarily, but it sure won’t change the status of your relationship. If you feel like you must, have the conversation one time. Just know more than that is a self-inflicted mission of painful proportions. Don’t do it.

3. Admit It’s Over.

Face the facts. He cheated, you broke up and your relationship is over. Yeah, it sucks, but that’s how it is. The sooner you stop thinking, “But what if …” the sooner you will be able to get past it and move on. Hanging on to hope for love again with that cheating, lying man keeps you tied to him and will also keep you single.

Admit it’s over and feel the pain to move through it and recover.

4. Stop Communicating with Him.

If you are serious about how to get over a breakup when he cheated, stop texting and talking to him. What you need now more than anything is LESS of him – like nothing to do with him at all. This includes not tracking him on social media. Unfriend if you can’t keep yourself from looking. It’s not rude – it’s self-preservation!

How can you possibly expect to get over that cheating liar when you keep following him and communicating? It’s not possible. You may want to stay friends, but that will come later. For now, you need to be on a program of compete abstinence from that man.

Mourning over this loss takes time. Talking to him is like pouring salt into your wounded heart. Don’t check in to see how he’s doing. Don’t ask friends if they’ve seen him. Focus on the most important person for your recovery – YOU! That’s how to get over being cheated on and lied to.

5. Minimize Obsessing about Him.

You might think you just can’t stop obsessing over him, but that is not true. There are many things you can do to distract yourself from going over everything in your head again and again. In fact, distraction is your best friend and one of the most effective paths to recovery.

When you catch yourself in those emotional thought loops, thinking about all the good times and wishing things were different, try any or ALL of the suggestions in the very next step below.

6. Start to Heal and Recover

Let’s talk about what you CAN DO to get over this cheating man, no matter how much you loved him. Here are a number of powerful suggestions that will get you through the darkest hours and bring you back to wholeness:

  • Examine what you learned. When you review your relationship, look back for red flags you ignored about his cheating. Noticing them in hindsight can be easier then when you are going through it and this will make it much easier to recognize the signs should you ever go through this again.
  • Try traditional therapy. Hiring a professional to talk with might be the best investment you ever make. You can learn about patterns, how your family history plays a role and what you can do better next time. Plus, it can be very comforting to talk things over with someone who is objective and not one of your girlfriends.
  • Get physical. Start an exercise program or be more consistent with what you’re already doing. Hire a trainer to get more from your workout – this can also build confidence in yourself and your looks. Try yoga to stretch your muscles and reach a calm, centered place within.

     Increase Self-Care

  • Take Epsom salt baths. When you need to relax and detoxify, there’s nothing like an Epsom salt bath. It soothes your muscles and detoxes your body. A bath is great self-care.
  • Energetic healing. There are many types of energetic healing that work on you at the emotional and spiritual levels. For example, Reiki is a non-invasive, gentle practice that is amazingly relaxing and restorative. Many spas offer this, as well as massage which is also highly beneficial.
  • Read self-help books. There is so much out there to help you let go and move on. Even a book like The Four Agreements which shares a spiritual approach to life (vs. being about breakups) can be eye-opening and healing. Nourish your mind with what can help you grow.

     Ways to Refocus

  • Start a creative project. Strong emotions can be great fodder for creative projects. Just think about how many hits songs are about a breakup! Try kitting, painting, collage, jewelry making, or learn to play an instrument. This will occupy your brain and squeeze out that obsessive thinking.
  • Treat yourself well. Indulge just a little and buy a nice piece of jewelry. Once I bought a diamond heart pendant, so I could feel like a woman who is loved and look like one too. You don’t have to spend a lot to get the feeling – a CZ heart in silver can also do the trick for under $30 bucks. “Retail Therapy” can often bring a smile to your face.
  • Travel local or far. Nothing can stimulate your mind like travel. Whether you venture out for a day, a weekend or a couple of weeks, go see something new. Take an interest in exploring and enjoy the adventure.

7. Express Gratitude

It’s easy to focus on your loss, but what can turn things around is remembering what is going well. Gratitude can be a driving force in your life, creating positive energy and attracting good things. If you wonder how to get over a breakup when he cheated, this is always something worth trying and in fact, sometimes a great place to start.

Count your blessings because there is a lot to be grateful for when you think about it. You might have great friends, a wonderful family, a nice place to live, a good job, excellent health and engaging hobbies that make you happy. Even gratitude for a sunny day is worthwhile.

People often forget all that is right in their life. Taking time to acknowledge the good stuff, especially the small things, will bring a smile to your face and make you feel like everything will be OK. And it will be. Life moves on and you will recover.

That’s How to Get Over A Breakup When He Cheated

No matter how brutal your breakup was, you now have plenty of ways to get over that man. After a relatively short pity party (you can’t afford to wallow girlfriend), take action! These methods for how to get over a breakup when he cheated will get you started on the path to recovery and help you start smiling again.

And, when you feel ready to get back out there, the first thing to do is raise your love vibration so you can attract a better man. Listen to my free audio program 8 Ways to Raise Your Love Vibration

 

Top 10 Personality Traits – If He’s Got Them, Never Let Him Go

What personality traits and qualities do you look for in a man? Check out these top 10 characteristics and if your man has them, hold on tight!

personality traitsCharacteristics of a Quality Man

There are some things about a good man that all women want. And a few become more desirable with age as we grow wiser and learn from our relationship mistakes. Most of these qualities are basic and might not surprise you. But, this list is a good reminder of the most important aspects to look for in the men you meet if you are dating to find lasting love.

1. He’s Loyal

Whether you require loyalty, faithfulness, or monogamy, the theme here is the same. Like all women, you want a man you can trust and one who is not likely to cheat. You might also prefer a man whose loyal extends to his employer, family and friends as well. Men’s Health Magazine conducted a survey of 1,000 American women and this was their #1 requirement for a good partner.

2. He’s Got a Sense of Humor

Almost all women want a man who can make them laugh. The ability to take what life gives you with a sense of humor can be a game changer. Everyone goes through ups and downs, so if your man can easily bring a smile to your face, that is a major plus. levity lightens the load for sure.

3. He’s Confident

If your man is comfortable in his own skin and knows he can make things happen, that confidence is highly appealing. One of the most valued personality traits, it feels so good to be with someone who doesn’t spin their wheels doubting what is possible. When your man feels good about himself, he’s more positive, presents himself well with new people and is likely more accepting of others versus critical.

4. He’s Smart

Having a high IQ and strong intelligence makes a difference to most single gals looking for a life partner. You figure a smart man will be a better earner, has more opportunities and will be better able to keep up with you! In case you’re hoping to start a family, you’re also looking for good genes.

5. He’s Kind

Is your man a nice guy? As far as personality traits go, kindness stands out for the majority of women. How can you tell if a man is nice right away? Watch how he treats the waitstaff in a restaurant. You can also gauge a man’s kindness on how he interacts with animals, children and the elderly.  A man who has a caring nature will make life together far more enjoyable.

6. He’s Generous

There are many types of generosity women look for as the sign of a good man. This is not only about his spending habits, but also how willing he is to share his time and heart with you. A guy with a generous spirit gives of himself freely and willingly helps you and others when asked. And this brings out your own generosity as well.

7. He’s Reliable

Many women mention how much a man’s reliability means to them. Someone you can count on. His word is gold and he follows through on his promises. This personality trait builds trust between two people because you know what you are getting into with him. What you see is what you get – if he says he’ll do something, he does.

8. He Has Similar Values

This isn’t exactly about personality traits, but it is part of his character that matters deeply. When you share the same values about life and relationships, you can usually understand and respect each other. Having the same basic moral integrity enhances the bond because there won’t likely be any big shockers regarding how he looks at the world.

9. He’s Supportive

A man who is supportive has a lot to offer as a life partner. When you are seeking lasting love, a supportive man stands out. He’ll listen to what you have to say, offer emotional support and have your back. Personality traits like this one relate to others as well such as reliability.

10. He’s Flexible

Flexibility can make your relationship so much easier. Everything doesn’t happen as we plan, so a man’s ability to roll with what is happening is essential. You know he can compromise if needed when the two of you have different needs or opinions on something. Both people need to bend in order to maintain respect for each other during arguments.

Important Personality Traits in a Man

That’s the list of the top 10 personality traits women seek in a quality man. If you’re seeing someone currently, how did he stack up? I hope he did well!

If you are looking for love with the right man, print out this list and keep it handy. As you meet a new guy see how he measures up. Keep these personality traits in mind as you continue dating.

If a man starts to come up short on more than two or more of these qualities, take note. It might be time to re-evaluate his true potential as a life partner. Breaking up after a few weeks is so much easier than after months…or years.

Don’t wobble or settle when it comes to these most basic character requirements. If you aren’t seeing this qualities in the man you are dating move on now. You deserve to be with a really good man, so your relationship can grow and blossom in a lasting and healthy love.

Ready to better understand men and see through his mixed signals? Get my Free book His Mixed Signals Are Driving Me Crazy.

15 Openers To Start A Conversation On Bumble

Confused about how to start a conversation on Bumble or Tinder? Try any of these 15 openers to get the ball rolling and connect with more men through the dating apps.

how to start a converstion on bumbleHow to Start a Conversation on Bumble or Tinder

As you know on Tinder, anyone can start a conversation, but on Bumble the woman must initiate. Either way, it’s time to figure out how to get a man’s attention on the dating apps so you can find “The One”.

Humor is a winning approach. Bumble, Tinder and Hinge offer suggestions about how to open a conversation and I borrowed a couple of those. Then I’ve added several of my own one liners to the list below.

The idea is to stand out and capture a man’s attention. Many of my coaching clients started out using really lame openers. You definitely want to avoid anything that can be answered with yes, no or “good”.

Typical Small Talk Won’t Work

For example, a lot of women try, “How is your week going?” This makes no sense because the only thing a man can answer is “good” and where does that lead? No where. You don’t know each other so, no one is going to start explaining what actually happened during the week. This question is better for people you already know.

Once I explained to these women how to better engage men through the apps, that all changed and so did their results! You want to make him curious about you so, he wants to know MORE about you. That way, he’ll respond and you can enter a conversation to see if there’s a connection.

The goal is to get a date – to do that, you need to stand out from all the other women on the app. Some of these one-liners are old favorites and others have a flirty twist. Try a bunch of them to see what works best for you.

Naturally you can start by asking him a question about something in his profile or photos. However, there are plenty of men who don’t say much about themselves, write next to nothing or and have little going on in their photos. These suggestions are for when these usual options are not available.

The first few simple texts pose basic questions directed at singles over 50. If you are younger, you’ll get the idea and can create your own comparisons more suitable for your own age group.

For example, a Glamour Magazine article recommended this question about the TV show Friends, “Do you think Ross and Rachel ever really broke up?” This works for older singles who watched the show when it aired live as well as younger people discovering the show today on Netflix.

How to Get a Date on Bumble

What do all of these suggestions have in common? They don’t pry or require revealing anything too personal. The openers are fun, non-threatening and easy to respond to which is why they are so effective.

More than anything, you want to avoid reaching out with qualifying questions because you’ll get no real answers. However, you can push men away who don’t want to be interrogated. The goal is to create some fun while connecting so you get a chance to talk on the phone and then meet. That is the point right?

The easier and more fun you make the first contact, the more likely you will create a deeper connection and get a date!

First Bumble Message

1. Coke or Pepsi? The “Cola Wars” have been going on for decades and it’s fun to find out which side someone will take. It’s not personal and comes out of nowhere, bringing back memories of a more youthful time for the person you ask.

2. Rolling Stones or the Beatles? Taking you back to the 60’s and the time of the British invasion (here in the US) is another great way to recapture a youthful feeling. That’s perfect for singles over 50 but is a fair question about musical preference for any age.

3. Happy Days or Mork and Mindy? This is another fun comparison based on TV watching in the late 70s and early 80s. Both shows were pure fun entertainment and will likely bring back enjoyable memories.

4. Mountains vs. sea shore? Exploring the idea of where you prefer to spend your free time can open up a rich path for conversation about vacations and where people feel their best.

5. What do you put on your pizza? Some people are purists and like only cheese, while others consider a wide range of toppings from spinach and broccoli to bacon or pineapple. it’s just a fun question and easy to answer.

Cute First Messages on Bumble

6. What’s your favorite travel destination? Who doesn’t like to go on vacation? Talking about travel and vacation will likely put someone in a good mood in the same way time off does. You can learn a lot about a person’s sense of adventure from where they like to go and if they repeat the same vacation over and over or always go someplace new.

7. How do you spend a rainy Sunday? This question helps you learn about a person’s free time and how creative they get with it. Does the guy just watch sports or movies or look for something more stimulating like a museum? Or maybe they get a few friends together and play cards.

8. Are you a Leo? Asking about Astrology is always a fun line of conversation. People love to talk about themselves without getting too personal. Even if he’s not interested, chances are he’ll know his Sun Sign.

9. Did you just wink at me? This is a playful, flirty one-liner meant to get a man thinking. Obviously, he didn’t wink at you but that doesn’t matter. Flirting is fun is this is one way to start.

10. What do you do when you’re not making me melt? Another flirty opener, this appeals to his masculine side and ego. Telling a man he makes you melt is so flattering and could warm him up to you in case he needs it.

What to Say First on Bumble – More Suggestions

11. What would you do if you won the lottery? Here’s how you might learn a little bit about his dreams by asking what he’d do if he didn’t have to work anymore or came into a lot of money. Pure fun.

12. Jazz or Rock? Music is a great topic to start a conversation and this is a classic question. A lot of men love music and will be happy to wax on about their favorite genres and artists. Having musical interests in common can help you bond.

13. East coast or West coast? Everyone has a preference and this is also a way to discover where he’s from. This question is a great example of how to start a conversation on Bumble or other dating apps.

14. Tell me two truths and a lie. I had never heard of this little game but apparently, it’s become quite popular as a conversation starter. You’ll have to guess which one is the lie and you can see how this creates plenty to text about. Be creative with your own responses!

15. Can I buy you a drink or do you prefer the cash? This is an old pick up line that comes at a man out of nowhere and will get his attention for sure. Another flirty option, the humor in this one-liner could open doors and start conversations with men you might not connect with otherwise.

Messaging a Guy on Bumble or Tinder

So, there you have it – 15 creative ways to reach out on the apps and start a conversation with a man. Now you have no excuses and know how to start a conversation on Bumble or Tinder.

Be brave and be bold! Don’t just try the one about pizza – try some of the flirty starters because you never know exactly what the thing is that will help you connect with “The One” and be the start of the magic that love is.

When you are gripping tightly, hoping each man could be “The One” you are not at your best. The most important thing you can do is simply have fun with this. If a man doesn’t respond, move on. There are so many men out there and more join every day.

The more you can simply relax, enjoy the process and allow yourself to see the potential for humor, the better your results will be.

If you want more online dating tips, check out my program How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online or hire me to write your profile for you.

17 Signs He Likes You But Doesn’t Want A Relationship

Seeing signs he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship? It can be so confusing! Here’s how to know for sure if the man you’re dating is wasting your time or truly interested.

signs he likes you but doesn't want a relationshipWhether you’re intuitive or not, women always wish they could read a man’s mind. The reason? Because we need to know DOES HE LIKE ME OR NOT? And we spend a LOT of time trying to figure this out.

You watch all the signs and read into situations to interpret what you think they mean. Wracking your brain, you read a bunch of articles on the web. Feeling frustrated and at your wit’s end, you drive yourself (and potentially your friends too) CRAZY!

But here’s what you really need to know. You don’t need to be a mind reader to discover if he’s serious about you. Instead, understanding where he stands is not about what he THINKS as much as WHAT HE DOES. For the most part, a man’s actions tell you everything you really need to know.

When A Man Likes You But, Doesn’t Want A Relationship

I’ve uncovered 17 signs he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship and I’m sure there are even more. If you read through these, you’ll know what to look for or how to read the signs he is sending. So, read through the list and if you have more than one of these situations going on, it’s time to get real about this guy and realize he’s probably not “The One” for you.

1.He Texts But Doesn’t Ask You Out

Some men love to text or they call and talk on the phone for hours. Yet, they never get around to asking you out. Or they go on one or two dates then revert to the phone.

This type of thing is usually a sign that a man wants attention and maybe emotional support, but not the responsibility or expectations that come from a true relationship. He’ll take what he can get from you but never give you what you need. The solution – STOP COMMUNICATING.

2. He Asks You Out But Leaves It Vague

After some texting or talking, he finishes up with, “Let’s get together this weekend.” But he doesn’t nail down a plan. What is this about? He might enjoy texting or talking with you but doesn’t want or need anything more from you. Or he’s stringing you along while he’s waiting to see who else might be free before committing to a date.

3. He Talks About The Future But Puts Off Plans

Some guys love to talk about the future. They bring it up even if you don’t which is why you think it has MEANING. Truth is, future talk means nothing and could just be his fantasy. Or the idea feels good in the moment. You know this because he doesn’t follow through with plans. He might actually says he can’t make plans now because he’s too busy or has things to straighten out first.

How To Tell He Likes You But Doesn’t Want a Relationship

 

4. He Doesn’t Introduce You To Friends Or Family

When a man is serious about you, he will slowly introduce you to some of his friends and then his family. It could take longer for family – maybe up to three months. (For children it might take up to 6 months which is perfectly acceptable.) Usually within the first two months he will introduce you to SOMEONE. So, if he’s keeping you a secret and not getting you to meet his peeps, he doesn’t want a real relationship.

5. He Won’t Define The Relationship

If you’ve been seeing a man longer than three months and he refuses to define the relationship, that is NOT a good sign. A man who is serious wants to claim you as his and give you the “Girlfriend” title. This is one of those telltale signs he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship.

6. He Disappears But Comes Back

This guy is either texting like crazy or completely silent. He shows up, interacts with you and maybe goes on a date or two, and then he’s gone again. What is up with that? He may have intimacy issues, be dating other women or doesn’t want anything serious to develop. A man who is on and off again is NOT the right man because you need consistency for a healthy, lasting love.

Signs He Doesn’t Care Enough

 

7. He’s Too Busy To See You

Perhaps he says he likes you and you are the one for him or maybe he’s not saying anything except that he’s too busy to see you. He can’t make plans right now because of his job, his boss, his crazy ex, his family, etc. If he puts you off that’s a sign he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

8. He’s Friendly When You Bump Into You

This guy is SO happy to see you when he bumps into you at a party or around town. He sticks by your side as if he really likes you. So, you would think he’d contact you after. But nope, he doesn’t connect.

This is extremely confusing because his actions when he’s sees you are different than when he’s out of touch. Just keep in mind that a man who does nothing to see you does NOT want a relationship with YOU.

9. He Won’t Make It Official

You’ve been seeing this man for several months but, he won’t make it official. He prefers to just go along as things are and doesn’t want to rock the boat. It’s good the way it is right? Not if he’s serious about you. That’s a sure sign he doesn’t like you enough to take things to the next level.

If A Guy Says He Likes You But Doesn’t Want a Relationship

10. He Says He Misses You But Does Nothing To See You

Some guys just know what to say to keep you hanging on and this is a perfect example. If he says he misses you but, makes no attempts to see you, it’s complete bullsh*t. Don’t fall for this and believe his empty words. If he really meant it, he’d do what it takes to spend time with you. No excuses!

11. He Refuses To Be Exclusive Or Take Down His Profile

Pay attention to this – it’s one of the biggest signs he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship. When a man is unwilling to take down his profile for any reason, he’s letting you know he’s not going to be exclusive. This is a man who still wants to play the field and is not interested in monogamy. The same thing goes for a man who is unwilling to agree to exclusivity.

12. He Said Doesn’t Want A Relationship

A lot of men will often come right out and TELL you they don’t want a relationship or aren’t looking for anything serious. When a man says either one of these phrases, BELIEVE HIM! Many women tend to ignore this because he couples this comment with, “But I’d like to get to know you and see where it goes.” That’s the sign of a man who is non-committal and just wants something casual.

More Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship

13. He Has Problems To Work Out

You might meet a great guy who has so many of the qualities you want. Too bad he has problems that are getting in the way. He’s unemployed or has a difficult boss and has to work all the time. He’s got a crazy ex and has to carefully manage her and the kids. Perhaps he has health issues that he blames for not being able to get together.

Whatever his problems are, they become your problems if you let them. Yet, last time I checked, you didn’t need more problems! If you meet a guy who is wonderful, but he has issues dragging him down, he’s not ready for a relationship with you. Let go and move on if you want a good relationship. This is not the same as if you were in love for years and a problem cropped up – that’s completely different.

14. He Cancels Frequently

The guy you are seeing talks a good came and makes plans, but often cancels. Keep in mind it’s not the making of the plan that counts, it’s the follow through. Whether he means well or not, no one cancels that often without it being some kind of game. Move on.

15. He Avoids Talking Things Over With You

An issue crops up with the man you’re dating. You try to talk about it and let him know how you feel but he will not discuss it. That’s one of the sign he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship. You cannot maintain a healthy relationship if you cannot communicate or talk things through.

This is how you get stuck with an impossible man where everything is his way or the highway. Don’t let it happen to you. If he’s unwilling to talk or inflexible, walk away and find a better man who is relationship-oriented

16. You Don’t Go On Real Dates

This man seems sweet but for a number of reasons you never go on real date. He’s happy to hang out with you at your place. He might bring over a pizza or take out. He’ll watch a movie or sit by the fire – it’s all very romantic.

The problem is, you never go out or on a real date. He doesn’t take you to dinner like most men. He doesn’t want to be out in public with you. Ahhh, there’s one of the biggest signs he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship. That’s because he’s already in one! My bet is this guy is cheating on a woman and CAN’T be seen with you or he’ll get caught. Run don’t walk away from this guy no matter how much you love him.

17. He’s Not Curious About You Or Your Life

Last of the 17 signs he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship, is that he’s not at all curious about your life. He doesn’t ask many questions. He doesn’t remember some big event in your life and want to know how it went.

He’s not boring, it’s just that his main interest is himself. So, if you’re happy with everything being about him and being in a one-way relationship with a narcissist, that’s your choice. My dating advice is to dump him and find a better man for a loving relationship that works for you both.

Signs He Likes You But Doesn’t Want A Relationship

Now that you know what to look for regarding how he doesn’t want relationship, let me give you a super quick run-down on the signs he DOES want  a relationship.

  • He takes you on a real date at least once a week
  • He communicates in between, texting and at least one phone call
  • After 4-6 weeks he starts introducing you to his buddies and siblings
  • Within three months you go on a weekend away
  • Slowly, he starts to discuss his life decisions with you
  • Your man asks how you are and is very interested in your happiness and life
  • You love how he does nice things for you
  • He expresses how he feels although it might take time to say the word LOVE
  • You can count on him
  • He keeps his promises
  • You trust him
  • You feel comfortable with him and can be yourself
  • Your friends like him
  • He accepts you for who you are and is proud to be with you and show you off
  • Thankfully, he’s happy to help when you ask
  • He agrees to or asks you to be in an exclusive relationship

Wishing you love!

signs he likes you but doesn't want a relationship

 

 

Want more smart advice to find love faster? Get a copy of my book MANifesting Mr. Right today!

 

How Are You Supposed To Flirt With A Man Without Turning Him Away

How are you supposed to flirt with a man? Is there a certain way to flirt that will draw him in vs. make him run away? What do you need to know about flirting to make it work for you? Read on for simple flirting tips that really WORK and are a lot of fun too!

how are you supposed to flirtWhy Do You Want To Flirt?

The ability to flirt is coded into your DNA. Why? For survival of the species. The original purpose of flirting was to attract a mate and bring more humans into the world. All animals do some sort of dance or preening to attract the opposite sex.  It’s completely natural and an innate skill built right into you from birth.

Today, flirting has a different purpose. Even if you want a family, first you want love. Being in relationship in the 21st century is now a choice. Men and women no longer NEED each other to survive, but we WANT companionship and support. We want romance and partnership in life.

Flirting is a method for getting male attention and making yourself approachable, so you can meet more men to find “The One” for you.

How to Flirt with a Man

Are you concerned that your flirting might backfire? That can’t happen if you understand the true underlying purpose of flirting. But first let me explain what flirting really is.

According to the Google dictionary, to flirt is to “behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.” While I was surprised to see this, it’s the perfect definition although I was surprised to see it on the web. It’s perfect because flirting is NOT serious.

The main reason to flirt is to engage with men in a fun, playful and spontaneous way. You are letting men know you are available and approachable. Your flirting might not even be verbal. (Related post Talking with Strangers). A lot of fabulous flirting is completely NONVERBAL.

Flirting Body Language

How are you supposed to flirt using body language? When male attention is your goal, this is the easiest part. It might not work to get a certain man’s interest but, you will get noticed by men.

Whether or not you are consciously aware of what you are doing, you are wired to send and receive body language messages. It’s an innate skill that everyone has. Just like you can tell when someone is super happy or there has been a big argument, just by looking at them. You KNOW because of your human ability to read body language.

That’s EXACTLY why flirting works so well! Here is a list of things that you may feel silly doing, but do not doubt for one minute the effect these little moves have on getting men to notice you.

1.Smile and Connect – When you catch a man eyeing you, SMILE back and briefly hold his gaze for just 2-3 seconds that’s it. Any longer and he’ll think you ARE serious so don’t go there. This is about light interactions, not seduction.

2. Touch Your Neck – Your neck is an erogenous zone, so when you put your fingers or hand on your neck, most men around you will notice. This is great in a room with plenty of people if you are networking or in a restaurant bar.

3. Play with Hair or Jewelry – Fiddling with your earrings or necklace is a great flirty move and let’s men know you are available. It’s a simple little move but it sends the right signals. Same thing is true for playing with your hair – whether you twist a little piece that hangs down or toss it and let it settle out naturally, men will get this message.

4.  Look Over Your Shoulder – If you look back at a man over your shoulder and up through your lashes, this is considered super flirty. Spot a man looking at you? Smile back before looking away, then turn back a few minute later to look again. Boom! That’s a signal of interest!

When Flirting Turns Men Off

Let me be really clear. There are a few things you DON’T want to do if you’re still wondering how are you supposed to flirt with a man. This is how flirting goes wrong and actually turns a man off. You want to be aware to make sure you don’t take things too far.

1.Staring Is Rude – Eye contact should not last longer than 2-3 seconds. If you aren’t sure what I mean, think about it the old-fashioned way – count to yourself, “One, one thousand, two one thousand.” This is how people used to measure time because saying the numbers this way takes about two seconds.

Even if you want to be a bit more seductive and actually look a man up and down the way men look at you, this is QUICK! Do NOT linger because you end up looking like you are STARING which is creepy and aggressive. Men will look away for good.

I’ve had clients tell me they looked at men and smiled and it didn’t work. I can’t promise this will work on any particular man – but will help you get the attention of men around you who find you attractive. But, it won’t make a man want you. Either he does or he doesn’t. Holding his eye contact longer will backfire.

2. Licking Your Lips – Some experts talk about licking your lips so, they are wet and get his attention. That’s also the purpose of lip gloss! However, the act of licking your lips too frequently could make you look like a drug addict so stick with more demure methods.

3. Too Many Flirty Moves – Sometimes a woman trying these flirting tips thinks they aren’t working, so she’ll do them all one after another. Unfortunately, this is a place where more is NOT better and you could end up looking like a hussy! That’s hot for a man looking for sex but, a HUGE turn off for a quality man seeking a woman for lasting love.

How Are You Supposed to Flirt?

Well, now you know a few easy flirting tricks that are sure to get you some male attention. And you also know how to avoid several flirting mistakes that turn men off.

Think of yourself being demur or coy – these are great words to put you in a flirty mindset. Flirting heightens your feminine energy which also increases a man’s masculine response. Exactly what you want to achieve when you’re out there looking for love.

When you rely on your feminine charms, you attract men to you. Draw them in with your allure. This is the opposite of man hunting when you seek them out and aggressively go after them.

You’ll discover it’s nearly impossible to capture the attention of quality masculine man with any aggressive moves. He may go along for the ride and be willing to sleep with you. He might be open to a casual relationship.

What a Quality Man Seeks in a Woman

On the other hand, a quality man seeks a woman who knows how to BE a woman and let him be the MAN. She lets the man lead, knowing her power is one of allure and warmth. She never tries to use her business skills to GET a man because she understands that is not of interest to a successful, decisive, masculine man.

So, how are you supposed to flirt with a man? With grace, ease and style. Relying on confidence and a playful attitude. Holding the knowledge that your allure is your feminine power to bring men to you. You’ve got this babe.

If you still want to learn more about flirting, check out Flirt School – it’s got all the fun, flirty lessons a single woman can want!

How To Flirt Without Being Weird Or Awkward To Capture His Attention

Want to know how to flirt without being weird? Read on for simple tips anyone can use successfully to connect with men.

how to flirt without being weirdLearn How To Flirt

Worried about how to flirt without being weird? Flirting is really one of the simplest joys on the face of the planet. It can be pure fun when done well. According to Mama Gena, flirting is a fun, creative, spontaneous and playful way to interact with people and I agree with this definition.

The point of flirting is to interact with men more easily in a light-hearted, positive way to make it easy and interesting for men to respond to you. Think of flirting like an fun icebreaker that gets people talking.

Flirting Is NOT…

Flirting has no agenda or promise. So don’t think that you’ll get that cute guy to ask you out just because you flirt with him. You might capture his attention and then he could decide to ask you out. But he might not.  More on this in a minute.

Flirting makes no promises. Just because you flirt with a man doesn’t mean you own him anything. Not conversation, not a dance, not your phone number and not a date. Nope there are no promises for either of you so remember that when a man flirts with you too.

Flirting is not manipulative.  You’re just engaging in a playful way but, you can’t make a man do anything he doesn’t want to do. As mentioned above, there is no agenda beyond the flirting itself.

Flirting is not sexual, cheap or sleazy. The kind of flirting I recommend is not sexual in any way. You might smile, lightly touch or verbally tease but, nothing off color. That kind of flirting is more about seduction. A woman who knows how to flirt can do it in nearly any situation with grace and complete propriety.

4 Simple Flirting Tips

It’s so easy to learn how to flirt without being weird. This is one of the most natural things a woman can do and it’s actually coded into your DNA because it ensures survival of the species. That’s right, that’s why any woman can learn how to flirt.

These simple tips are so easy to use, you can have results the FIRST TIME you use them. Many of my clients contact me soon after trying them and express how well even their most timid attempts helped them better interact with men.

1. Smile Briefly

When you notice a man is looking at you, smile briefly before turning your head away. This is nothing more than simply acknowledging that you see the man looking at and admiring you. It’s actually courteous.

You may not like the guy or he might seem inappropriate based on your requirements for the right man, but that’s OK.  You’re just flirting and there is no promise. The good part though is you can make a man’s day which will make you feel good too.

2. Eye Contact

Since you’re smiling, you might as well have a little eye contact as well. Again, this is for acknowledgement and to create a possible connection. Don’t overdo this which sends a more seductive message.  Just a couple of seconds is perfect.

3. Be Friendly

Much of flirting is about your body language and eye contact is an ancient sign of friendliness vs. confrontation. During primitive times, the biggest concern was safety, so if you were willing to have eye contact, you appeared less threatening and suspicious.

If you’re concerned about how to flirt without being weird, friendly is the way to go. There’s nothing strange or awkward about being friendly. It’s really quite civilized. And friendly people seem to meet a lot more people including men!

4. Have Fun

Okay, now that you’re smiling, having a bit of eye contact, and acting friendly, surely you must be having a good time! When you appear to be enjoying yourself, even if you are exaggerating a little, other people get curious. They want to know what’s so much fun and why you are enjoying yourself.

Women having fun are automatically far more MAGNETIC! So when you go out to meet new people, do your best to look like you are having a great time. People are naturally drawn to others having fun.

Flirty Body Language Tips

Now that you’ve got flirting basics down, here are a few other super easy body language tips that work like a CHARM. You can’t go wrong – these tips work even if you do feel weird or strange.

The reason why is because as I mentioned earlier, understanding body language is an ancient skill coded in our DNA and everyone can do this, even if you don’t realize you can.

My clients have tried these tricks on the first time out at a bar and couldn’t believe the results they got. They didn’t believe, but once they used them, they were BELIEVERS and felt like pros. They never avoided flirting again since it was such a surefire trick to get male attention.

  • Play With Your Hair. Twirl it, flip it, make a bun and drop it, etc. this is a big signal that you’re flirting and open to male attention.
  • Play With Your Jewelry. Move your pendant back and forth on it’s chain. Fiddle with your earrings. Smooth your bracelets. Check on your ankle bracelet. That’s how you can catch a man’s eye.
  • Drink With A Straw. Yes, drawing attention to your lips is a flirting thing to do!
  • Cross Your Legs. And then uncross them and then cross them again. It’s a signal that social research has found to entice a man to approach you.
  • Smooth Your Clothes. Run your palm over your sleeve down your arm or from your waist over your hip. Act like you are fixing your clothing.
  • Dangle Your Shoe. If your legs are crossed, dangle one shoe from the foot on the leg on top. Then pop it back on your foot and repeat. Very flirty!
  • Touch Your Neck. Gracefully place your palm on your neck and then draw it forward before letting it fall by your side or to the counter. Your neck is one of the erogenous zones making this move uber flirty.
  • Tuck Chin And Look Up Through Lashes. Princess Diana was famous for this flirty move. The press often aught her with her chin tucked down, looking up through her lovely long lashes. This is considered to be coy, demur and highly appealing.

How To Flirt Without Being Weird

The real key to flirting is to keep it light, remember there is no agenda and don’t let it go on too long. Give him a chance to wonder where you went. If you’re at a bar or event, walk around for a while alone and then circle back to your friends.

This alone time creates an air of mystery, (Hey, where did she go?) and a little challenge. (He might go look for you or wonder if you’ll be back.) Go to the ladies room alone as well, so the men who have been watching you, have a chance to approach and talk to you.

Before I met my husband, I met a man who was so wrong for me, but terribly romantic and fun. We only dated two months because I promised myself the first sign of trouble, I’d kick him to the curb which I did.

I met him at a singles dance when he stopped me as I left the ladies’ room. Chatting for a while, he asked me out which is how I caught on to the power of this flirting technique. Create mystery!

Now you know some of the most powerful flirting tips ever. Simple yes, but they work like magic! Stop wondering how to flirt without being weird and put a few of these suggestions to work tonight.

You may not meet the man of your dreams immediately, but you’ll get some practice in and have fun doing it.

Want to learn more about how to be your best flirty self to attract more quality men? Check out my popular program – Flirt School!

 

He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans – How to Turn that Around

So, he texts but doesn’t make plans. Women tell me they’ve been “talking” to a guy for a while which means you’ve literally been talking, texting, video chatting or emailing, but NOT dating. Let’s change that right now!

he texts but doesn't make plansHow to Get Past Texting

Texting and maybe even a few phone calls can be a lot of fun as you get to know a man. Yet, that’s not enough! He’s got to take that important next step to ask you out if you are going to have a genuine relationship-  not a virtual one.

What’s this behavior about anyway?

If he texts but doesn’t make plans, nothing can be more annoying. You click with this guy you met online, go back and forth for a while and but meet him! The texting is fun and you feel like you’ve made a connection. That’s why it doesn’t make sense and you wonder if he’s maybe too…

• Shy to ask you out?
• Busy with work or other things right now?
• Seeing other women?

You simply have no idea what the problem is. And this keeps happening which explains why it’s getting under your skin and driving you crazy!

You’ve asked your girlfriends what they think and get differing opinions. No one seems to know for sure. You might have asked a guy friend why he texts but doesn’t make plans, but that didn’t help you get a clear answer either.

How to Go from “Talking” to Dating

Once and for all you just want to understand – how can you go from “talking” to dating that man?

Now, I’m not a fan of being forward or asking men out. What works best even today in this modern world of dating is to let men pursue you. That’s the ONLY WAY you’ll know if a guy likes you.

When you ask a man out more than once, you have no way of knowing if he’s going along for the ride because you’re good enough for now. Like a place holder until he finds someone better. Another reasons is that he might just be bored – yuck.

Or, maybe he goes out with you because he really IS interested. Impossible to tell the difference right? How can you know for sure?

One thing I know for sure, you CAN’T KNOW if you do the asking. That’s why I recommend never asking a man out more than once. Never.

Fewer Men Are Taking That Step

For some reason, there has been a noticeable shift. Fewer men are taking that all important first step – getting past “talking” and asking women out. You can’t imagine how many emails I get from women like you who complain how he texts but doesn’t make dates.

It’s not due to his shyness. You don’t intimidate him, although I know that’s a popular theory among single women, especially the successful ones.

Many midlife men today have been crushed by women, rejected countless times or hurt and deeply wounded. So they hang back wanting to MAKE SURE you really like them. It’s sad really. So, this is the ONE TIME it’s OK to take matters into your own hands.

So, if he’s not going to do it, who will? Yeah, it might need to be you. Can’t believe I’m saying this but, I am.

There are a few essential and simple parameters that will help you know exactly what to say and do. If you stick to the script I provide below, don’t veer off or try this more than once with the same guy, you’ll be good to go.

Here’s What to Say to Set a Date

If you’re on the phone with him, (since you don’t meet men without speaking to them first right?) the call is coming to a close and he hasn’t said anything about getting together, try this.

Say, “It’s been fun talking to you. Why don’t we get a cup of coffee (glass of wine/beer) and see if there’s any chemistry?”

Then, don’t say another word, no matter how long the pause is. This way you’ll get a feel for what he’s thinking. There are a few different ways this could go.

1) If he takes a long time to respond – that’s not a good sign. He probably wasn’t going to ever ask you out anyway. Just wrap it up, say good bye and look for another man. You don’t need any one taking up your time for no reason. He had his shot, he blew it, move on. And do NOT look back.

2) He makes excuses like he has to look at his calendar or check with his ex or whatever. Excuses are not a good sign either. At least you know he’s not genuinely interested, so again, let him go and move on. Do NOT keep chatting and texting hoping he’ll want to date you some day.

3) If he says, “Sounds like a good idea,” don’t stop there! This is your next line, “Great, when are you thinking?” This engages him in the process of setting up the date. Don’t get off the phone without a plan. That means a day, time and place. If you end the call without a plan, you may never have one.

If he chooses a day you aren’t free, no problem. Just say, “That’s not good for me, what about Thursday at 7?” Always provide an alternative even if you have to negotiate timing further, so you have a plan.

If He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans

Now you know how to go from talking to dating that man! Don’t let his reluctance to make a plan drag on into the future. This is how you to find out his true interest level. A lot of men just want to communicate, but not meet. Spending time in this noncommittal way somehow builds his ego or soothes his soul. Women are compassionate listeners and empathetic friends.

Don’t Share Emotional Support Hoping for Love

However, the last thing you want to do, is pour your heart and soul into supporting some guy who seems nice, hoping he’ll come to love you and date you. In fact, don’t trade anything for love.

Women through the ages have traded sex hoping for love or cooked meals, cleaned his house and more. This is not how to get a man to love you. He has to WANT you and a relationship for this to come true. You can’t lure him into it or change him to get his love.

If he doesn’t want a relationship – that’s it, case closed.

Why support a man emotionally without meeting him or having dates? It might be somewhat satisfying and you’ll FEEL like you ‘re in a relationship even though there are no hugs or kisses. BUT YOU’RE NOT IN ONE. It’s virtual, not REAL.

Either get him out on a date or say, “Bye bye.” Block him if you have to because you are serious about finding love. You don’t let men waste your time or wrap you around a little finger to be at his beck and call in case some day he agrees to meet.

If You’re Serious about Finding Love

When you are serious about finding love, you value yourself and your time. Knowing you are worthy of more than “talking,” you don’t get stuck when he texts, but doesn’t make plans. You make tough decisions like cutting off a talker/texter and blocking him because you know you DESERVE MORE.

The WHOLE ENCHILADA is what you want and you won’t settle for anything less than a real, passionate, face-to-face relationship for an epic love that lasts and grows.

Having Trouble Finding a Decent Man?

Now, it you are having trouble FINDING a man you WANT to have coffee with, we should talk. Sometimes women have trouble getting dates and if this is happening to you, you are NOT alone. This problem is more common than you can imagine. But together, we can change that.

Why continue to be left out of finding love and the man of your dreams?

Let’s have a conversation and see if we can figure out what might be going wrong and keeping you from the love you deserve. Book a phone or Skype session (it’s free) so we can figure out what’s getting in the way of connecting with the right man for the lasting love you dream of.

Is He Really Too Busy Or Just Not Interested

Asking yourself is he really too busy or just not interested in me? That’s a clear sign and you can find out what this hurtful and confusing behavior means in this blog post.

is he really too busy or just not interestedHe’s Always Busy With Work

“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I always seem to meet guys that play the “I’m busy” card before they are will to hang out in person more than once or twice. And that makes me curious – is he really too busy or just not interested? Recently, I met a guy online and we met face-to-face after a week of chatting. We had a great time and texted every day after.

We met a 2nd time a week later. He said he had a great time and suggested that we meet again. After the second date, he went out of town to visit family for the weekend, then he would suggest plans, but no follow through. His work schedule this past month was weekends, but is off in the middle of the week. The texts got shorter, and didn’t respond to my texts.

I finally confronted him and he said, “It’s not the best time as I’m busy with work and too tired to invest in someone after work.” I told him I knew that was not 100% true, and he said their was no one else. Yet, he’s active on Bumble all day.

He’s Too Busy To Make Time For Me

He then added I was “forcing it” which I don’t entirely believe. I texted minimally and I don’t understand the issue in texting once a day since we are on opposite work schedules.

I feel like I am in constant competition with the other females online. I can never spend time with someone more than once or twice because I feel like I’m losing to the other females online … They get more conversation while men claim they are “too busy” to text me or see me again in person.

Please help me understand what this is about.

With Gratitude,
Amy”

Is He Really Busy Or Avoiding Me?

Dear Amy,

So you feel there are too many competitors – other women who somehow swoop in and take over your chance with a man? I can see how that would make you feel badly and wonder why they have better luck.

Let me start by saying I see two very different reasons why you might be having this problem. One is a mindset issue that can sabotage your dating efforts from the inside. The second is a practical dating error which I will explain below as well.

Feeling Competitive Sabotages Dating

Thinking that you can’t compete puts you immediately at a disadvantage – from a MINDSET perspective. Who are thee mysterious women getting the attention of the men you are dating?

Yes there are plenty of other women out there. But, you want to see yourself as a unique and truly wonderful woman who is a great catch. The RIGHT MAN will see who you are and be drawn to you. So, any man who seems interested at first but pulls away is actually disqualifying himself as the RIGHT man.

The point of dating is get to know a guy to see if he has genuine potential for long term love. The men you are meeting clearly do not have what it takes. They have a couple of dates and move on. Perhaps they aren’t ready for the real thing or you aren’t the right woman for them. That doesn’t mean you aren’t a great catch. You ARE for the right man.

How Confident Women Handle Competition

A confident woman who feels good about herself and understands how this works, knows the right man is still out there. She doesn’t worry about other women because she knows she’s a quality catch. So, she shakes off a man’s brush off and moves on to continue the search for “The One”.

However when you focus on how other women are getting the men and you are not, you chip away at your self-esteem. Dating can be brutal on your confidence if you take this personally. The more you focus on how other women are winning out over you, the more this will be true.

The problem is that’s a mindset that drags you down vs. builds you up.

I work with my private clients to build strong self-esteem every day. Feeling good about yourself is essential to attracting a quality man. So my dating advice here is to do what you can to build up more confidence about who you are as a woman.

Review Your Dating Skills

Now let’s take a look at the more practical aspect of this dating problem. When man after man doesn’t want to have more than one or two dates with you, that’s a sign for sure. It’s a sign to look at your dating skills to discover if you might be doing anything that chases them away.

This last man said you were “forcing it”. But you disagree with him. I think it’s worth looking at more deeply. What did he mean by “forcing it”? As a dating coach for 16 years, I think he’s pointing to your daily texting.

Stop Texting Him Daily

You said it doesn’t seem like a big deal to stay in touch daily with a man who has a busy schedule. BUT IT IS. The reason men don’t like this is because you are assuming you have a right to be part of his daily life.  So, as it turns out, you are INVADING HIS SPACE which is what he means by “forcing it”.

This idea of daily texting would make more sense if you’ve had six dates or more. But, you are just starting to get to know a man when you’ve only had a date or two. Daily contact is a PRIVILEGE you have not yet been awarded.

The flip side of this is also true. Plenty of men text all the time and never ask for a date. But that is his choice and you get to choose to respond or not. As the woman you need to decide if you want to invest in texting a man for days, weeks and months without ever meeting.

Usually the man hasn’t earned the right to daily contact with you either. He hasn’t qualified himself as worthy of taking up your time because he’s made no effort to see you.

Yet, women take his texting as a sign a man is really interested which sadly IT”S NOT.  They text away, building a virtual relationship and thinking they have a strong connection. Without dates in real life, there is nothing real about it.

Dating Is Like Playing Chess

Dating requires strategy because it’s like playing chess. You can’t get around this game. It’s just how it is so learn to accept it and how to play to win. Women who fight this tend to stay single.

I know you don’t want to play games, but this isn’t about manipulation or being underhanded. It’s similar to office politics. You can’t get around that either – you have to learn to deal with it. These are the facts of life.

This is why I strongly urge women NOT to initiate anything for at least 4-6 dates to gauge his real interest. Does he make time to see you? Reach out to get to know you and build a connection? If you do this for him and initiate to stay in touch, you are shooting yourself in the foot for two reasons.

  1. You can’t judge his interest if you don’t wait to see what he would do without you nudging him
  2. You invade his space, eliminating all sexual tension and making yourself too available

Men still like a bit of mystery and a chase. Most men want dating you to be his idea. You can flirt and be friendly, but do not pursue. You can ask a guy out once but never more or he could take advantage of you or lose interest because he KNOWS you like him more than he likes you. See how that works? You risk turning men off when you initiate.

Is He Really Too Busy Or Just Not Interested?

On a rare occasion a man who says he’s busy actually is. And that can be a sign he’s not making your relationship a priority. You get to decide if being second fiddle to his work or whatever is keeping him busy is OK with you.

Most often this is “Man Speake” meaning, “I’m not just not interested enough”. This is how he disqualifies himself as the right man for you. The right man would never put you off. He’d want to spend time with you and get to know you better.

Date More Than One Man at a Time

Now for some serious strategy to help you get past this focus on daily texting before you are in a relationship. Let me ask you a question…Do you date only one man at a time to see where it goes? That’s the problem!

When you are still dating around to see if you can find a man you click with, you have no way to know who will work out. You could have a great first date and never hear from the guy again. Happens all the time. You might have a few dates and then he ghosts.

The Solution

Want to know the best solution for your question is he really too busy or just not interested? Date several men who have potential at the same time. Don’t worry, this rarely gets to be a problem because so many drift off. And some never even get around to asking you out.

Dating more than one man at a time KEEPS YOU FROM OVER-FOCUSING ON ONE GUY before you know he is worthy of that much attention. You won’t get attached, hang on to his every text or wait around for him because you’ll be BUSY TOO.

So there you have it – tons of insight about your question – is he really too busy or just not interested? He might be busy, but chances are he doesn’t care enough about you or dating right now to make him worth your time.

The most important piece here however, is about your mindset. Building up your confidence is ESSENTIAL so that you can handle rejection better and definitely avoid getting prematurely attached to a man who will never deliver as your boyfriend.

Wishing you love,

is he really too busy or just not interested

 

If you want to learn how to build confidence which by the way men find very appealing in a woman, why not schedule a free session to talk about how dating coaching might help you find the love you want faster.

Royal Wedding 2018: Feeling Sad About Being Single?

Has the Royal Wedding 2018 got you down? You’re in good company. Watching all the hoopla has caused many single gals of all ages to feel sad they aren’t in love.

Royal Wedding 2018

Royal Wedding 2018 – Photo Courtesy of CNN

Where’s My Royal Wedding 2018?

I know you don’t actually expect to marry a real prince. But, it sure would be nice to be treated like a queen right? Or even a princess. Sigh…

Watching the big event last weekend was over the top. Were you compelled to seek out all the details and take in every aspect of the big day? The family, the celebrities, the flowers, the dresses and the extravagant romance of it all? Who can resist?

If you have any sense of romance, you can easily relish every voyeuristic moment, immersed in the fairy tale-like fantasy. For a little while, it’s highly entertaining. The dream-like quality of a royal wedding never disappoints.

Yet, even normal, every day brides often feel let down after their wedding. All that planning and attention to detail and feeling totally special for one day of your life and then what? Grocery shopping and laundry are back in the picture.

That’s why it’s not surprising you might feel sad about being single and your own lack of love life. Even though experts always say don’t compare yourself to others, now you find you are comparing your love life to Meghan Markel’s…

Is that a good idea? Definitely not.

How to Stop Feeling Sad about Being Single

How should you handle the “residue” of the Royal Wedding 2018 and the fact that it wasn’t your turn again?

This is a mindset issue. What’s needed here is a shift of mindset and attitude. I have a few exercises you can try that will definitely make a difference.

1. Make a List of Why Being a Princess Stinks

While the wedding was a total fairy tale, there are surely many things about being a princess that are horrid. Paparazzi, everybody in your business, no privacy, held to different behavior standards, scrutinized for everything you wear and say. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Bring yourself back down to earth and get real about the responsibilities and restrictions that come with living such a public life. No thank you.

2. Consider What Is Available to You That Is NOT Available to Meghan

You have so much more freedom! Think about what is possible for you as a private citizen that will never be true for Meghan again. For example, you get to spend your holidays with your own family or even switch to in laws when a man comes into the picture. Meghan probably will always have royal holidays. Focus on all the freedom you do have and how wonderful it truly is.

3. Shift Your Mindset to Believe Love is Your Destiny

If you are serious about finding love with the right man (and finding your prince, royal or not) your mindset matters more than anything. Do you genuinely believe he’s out there and you’ll find each other? If you can’t answer yes, I’m talking to you!

News flash, your subconscious mind is most likely getting in the way and potentially sabotaging your possibilities. You might want to work with me just to straighten this piece out because it’s the very FOUNDATION for finding love with the right man.

It’s time to work on KNOWING love is your destiny. You want to live and breathe it and not be open to any other options. This is one of the things I did to attract the man who became my husband. It worked!

4. Take Action to Meet Men

I don’t know how many men you’ll need to meet (or frogs you’ll have to kiss) before you find “The One”. But, it could be more than you planned on or more than you’d like. You want to create a Man Plan to meet a variety of men and find one you click with.

  • What are you willing to do to attract “The One”?
  • What steps are you ready to take to cross paths with quality men?

This is something I help my private clients with every day. To quote an old cliche, people don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan. If you don’t want to fail in the love department, make a plan! What methods will you try?

The Royal Wedding 2018 is Now Officially Over

Now that Princess Diana’s boys, William and Harry, are both wedded, there won’t be another big royal wedding for many years to come. That’s the good news. You just suffered through what is likely your last. So, the Royal Wedding 2018 will not be plaguing you much longer.

If the wedding has brought you down, try these simple and empowering four steps to recover. I know you can do it!

And if you want help, you can always schedule a free conversation with me to talk about how private coaching can help you make the mindset shift to find the right man for you. Here’s the link.

 

How To Get Over A Breakup Without Closure Or Even A Proper Goodbye

Are you asking how to get over a breakup without closure? I know how hard this feels. I lived through it myself! Check out these simple suggestions that sped up my recovery and will help you too.

how to get over a breakup without closureSurviving A Breakup

Breaking up is horrible. When the man you love ends your relationship unexpectedly it’s devastating.  Sometimes you don’t even get a proper goodbye. Men have been known to break up with their women on social media, through Facebook messenger, and by text. That’s so COLD!

Even when you break things off, it’s still emotionally difficult.

First, you want to know how to simply SURVIVE in the coming hours, days and weeks. And eventually, you’ll want to recover and heal so you can at some future point, find love again.

What’s the first step? Call a close friend and talk about it. Crawl under the covers. Get a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Any or all of these ideas will help you deal with the initial shock of how to get over a breakup without closure.

The Story of My Breakup

When I was in my senior year of college, my boyfriend of three years and I broke up without one word. We had been out at a local bar and he got into a “mood”. He wanted to go home when the night was young. I was so tired of this, I gave him the keys to my car and told him I’d get a ride back to my apartment with friends.

When I got back, I told him to get his stuff together and I’d take him back to the dorm. He looked at me surprised. I just acted all normal and chatty. When we got to his dorm, he took his stuff out of the car, looked back in through the door at me and said, “Goodbye?” with a question in his tone. I said goodbye and drove off.

We never spoke again! No break up conversation and no closure. The University of Connecticut had 17,000 students and we didn’t travel in the same circles so, I never even saw him again. We didn’t get in touch to discuss.

It wasn’t easy but, it wouldn’t have been any better if we talked about it. We both knew it was over, even if he was surprised how it happened. He didn’t love me enough to treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Somehow I  realized this wasn’t going to work even though he was the love of my life at the time.

I don’t recommend this, I’m just sharing how my big breakup went down.

7 Simple Strategies: How To Get Over A Breakup Without Closure

 

1. Closure Is A Myth

Most people think one thing that makes this process even harder is a lack of closure. The idea of closure is about fully understanding why the relationship ended so you feel satisfied. Really? Can you even begin to imagine such a place? I doubt it.

While many mental health practitioners and experts talk about gaining closure to heal from a breakup, there isn’t much clinical agreement to what closure is or exactly how you get it. Hmmm, now what are you supposed to do?

The shocking truth is, closure is a myth! And, the good news is you can and will heal without it. That’s a relief because in many cases there is no way to understand. Sometimes the reasons for a breakup remain a life-long mystery. Thankfully, you don’t need closure to shut the door on this part of your life and move on.

Instead of seeking closure, focus on ACCEPTANCE. Accepting where you are will bring you all the closure you actually need. You broke up and the relationship is over. Not resisting this fact will make the healing faster and easier.

I stewed over my breakup for years wanting closure. 10 years later I finally figured out I didn’t need it! Looking back I could see breaking up was the only thing to do.

2. It’s OK To Grieve

The end of a relationship is a loss you feel deeply, which means it’s OK to grieve. This is a normal part of life and each person grieves differently, so take your time. The feelings of grief often come in waves and this is to be expected. Again, don’t resist because that just prolongs the intensity. Grief is something time does heal so get your box of tissues and have a good cry or two.

3. Don’t Nag Him To Talk About It

I know you think talking about this will help. If you could know what he’s thinking and why he broke up with you then you could accept it right? Or maybe you are holding out to change his mind be talking it over.  Too bad that DOESN’T WORK. This is not how to get over a breakup without closure.

The more you nag him to talk about it, the meaner he’ll be. Or he’ll start to avoid you and block you. None of this will help. Even though this goes against your best instincts, LET GO of your need to talk about it with him. You need space from him more than you need to hear the sound of his voice, look into his eyes, or get more explanations.

4. Limit Negativity

You might feel really angry at some point which is to be expected. It makes sense that a breakup will get under your skin and you may fantasize about retribution.  However, getting back at him by doing or saying mean things will not actually help you heal. Often this promotes guilt, and when added to grief provides an extra emotional wallop you’d be better off avoiding.

Tempted as you may be to send nasty texts, leave ugly voicemails or post awful comments on Facebook, don’t do it. The regrets you suffer later overwhelm any short-term improvement in how you feel. Definitely not how to get over a breakup without closure.

I know of women who took drastic measures to get even like cutting his favorite leather jacket with scissors, keying his car or talking bad about him to friends and family. Ugliness never leaves a good taste in your mouth, nor can it change the breakup. It just makes you look crazy and that he was smart to leave you. Instead, choose dignity and take the high road.

I would also encourage you to manage your thoughts. Naturally you’ll think over every detail, looking for reasons or remembering good times. Negativity drags down your energy, making it that much harder to lift your spirits. So, if you can find a way to distract yourself to avoid an overdose of negativity, you will absolutely heal faster.

5. Distraction Is Your Best Friend

Whatever positive actions you can think of you can take your mind off the breakup, do them! This is a productive way to shift your focus and energy. It might not feel comfortable at first, but distraction can be a marvelous method to avoid over thinking and brooding which brings you down.

  • Start a new project
  • Exercise
  • Do something creative
  • Learn something new
  • Visit or call a friend
  • Watch comedies
  • Pray or listen to something spiritual (doesn’t have to be religious)
  • Say affirmations
  • Set a new goal (other than love)

Then immerse yourself in these activities and channel that energy in these positive ways.

6. Increase Self Care

If you are the kind of woman who enjoys a little pampering, time to turn up the dial. More self care will sooth your soul and nourish your spirit. Whether you choose massage, Reiki or other energy work, mani-pedi, working out with a trainer, a new hair style or talking to a therapist, these methods ensure that you honor yourself and what you are going through.

You can turn to the plant kingdom for additional healing methods like aromatherapy with essential oils and Bach Flower Remedies. Both work on your emotions.

Epsom salts baths are inexpensive and have amazing healing properties. You can buy these salts at the drug store of less than $10 which provides enough for multiple baths. The salts draw out toxins and sooth your muscles.

7. Be Kind To Yourself

Some people have a tendency to beat themselves up, reviewing all the supposed mistakes you made that caused your man to leave. This is really cruel punishment at a time when you need to be extra kind to yourself. If you have a strong inner voice who deems you unworthy, please know that is not you true self.

Negative inner chatter is a learned behavior over time. It comes from parents, teachers, clergy and other authority figures, the media, siblings and people you look up to. The mean-spirited inner voice often says things you’d probably NEVER say out loud to another human being. So why put up with this way to treat yourself?

You’ve got to read Taming Your Gremlin, by Rick Carlson. This short book explains this inner voice and how to tame it. Super powerful, you’ll be really glad you got a copy if you beat yourself up often (and we ALL do it).

How To Get Over A Breakup Without Closure

So, now you know how to get over a breakup without closure. The fact is you don’t need closure at all and it’s mostly a myth. With seven soothing and empowering strategies to recover, you’ll be back on your feet soon and feeling better.

 

The Zen Approach to Finding Love

Zen mind and dating is for women who are spiritually-minded and seeking lasting love. This approach to helps you see dating in a new light and open your heart and mind to opportunities to find “The One”.

zen mind and datingMindset Lessons from Nature

This is one of my favorite times of the year when the trees are covered with pink or white flowers. That’s one reason I wanted to marry in early May (my wedding anniversary is on May 5th).

That spring when I was dating to find love, I noticed something I had never seen before. When the bright green buds come out on maple trees, I had always thought they were simply new leaves. For some reason, that year I decided to investigate and look more closely. Turns out I was WRONG!

Those vivid green buds are flowers! Yes, flowers. Sprays of tiny lime-green blossoms cover the branches of maple trees, and for years I mistook them for new leaves.

These little flowers precede the flat seed pods that twirl like little helicopters in the wind. Honestly, I was astonished I never noticed this before.

So right now you’re probably thinking, “Really Ronnie, who cares?” OK, fair question but, please let me enlighten you.

How New Discoveries Impact Your Love Life

This minor discovery lead me to ask myself a life-changing question: “What will I discover this spring that I never noticed before about dating? How about you? Are you open to learning something new that will positively impact your experience and success?”

A previous student of Zen meditation, this felt a lot like what they refer to as “beginner’s mind”. With beginner’s mind, you approach every experience with a clean slate to make room for fresh insights and new experiences. You let go of expectations.

Does Your History Shade Each Man You Meet?

It’s only natural to have romantic history if you are dating over 40. The question is how much does your history affect your interactions with the new men you meet?

You still carry the hurt from the last guy who stood you up, broke up with you, or cheated on you. These disappointing and heartbreaking events can weigh you down when it comes to having an optimistic attitude about your chances to find love.

As a result, sometimes you feel suspicious of each new man based on how the last few behaved. You might actually expect all men will let you down.

While it’s wise to date with your eyes wide open, should you suspect each man of being like the one before? How would you feel if every man you dated JUDGED YOU by his last woman?

Zen Mind and Dating

Imagine if you will, meeting each new man with a clean dating slate. If you approach dating in Zen style, what novel opportunities become available to you? One thing is for sure, this will help you take the pressure off each new man you meet and any new methods to meet men.

Even better, when you start each date with a clean slate, you won’t drag as much baggage around with you. Everyone has history – no shame in that. Yet, it can be a limiting at times if you don’t put it down at some point.

Your heart can’t be open when you carry baggage. That’s the best of Zen mind and dating.

Clear Your Mind Before Engaging

Before you message someone on Match or Bumble, take a few deep breaths, clear your mind, and start fresh. Same thing goes for walking into a singles’ event. Let go of thoughts that hold you back or no longer serve you even if just for a short time.

Drop your expectations. Leave behind the baggage of disappointment and hurt behind, and release negative thoughts that bring you down.

Lighten up and remember you are a great catch. Feel good about yourself and your chances to find love. This is essential to how men will feel about you when they meet you.

So much of dating is about how you feel and present yourself! If you expect the “same old same old” nothing will ever change. How can it?

Shift to a More Positive Outlook

Instead, approach dating as if you are optimistic about finding love with the right man. He IS out there you know. This is a perfect way to apply Zen mind and dating.

Act like someone who is just new on the singles’ scene or still believes these methods will help you meet “The One”. This approach will absolutely INCREASE YOUR ENJOYMENT and improve your odds for connecting too. Positive, open-minded people are highly attractive and everyone is magnetically drawn to them!

Wipe the Slate Clean

Each new man deserves a real chance for you to get to know him. You never know. And, when you are open, you can be pleasantly surprised.

It’s springtime and love is in the air. The season is about rebirth and regeneration. Apply this to your dating activities and mindset and be open to MANifest your own true love.

 

If you want more ideas on spirituality and dating, listen to my free audio on 8 Ways to Raise Your Love Vibration

 

Did He Ever Like Me? The Heartbreak of Long Distance Love

Did he ever like me? Did he ever care? These are difficult questions often asked by women tempted by long distance relationships. Let me shed some light to help you understand what happens.

did he ever like meI Thought He Cared About Me

“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy last year online, but we never met. We then kept in touch sporadically, and then I knew at end January I would be in his town in July (US/UK) When I told him that, things escalated and he came to visit. We had spoken every day prior to his visit which was 8 weeks.

He does have a lot going on in his life right now. Newly divorced because his wife cheated on him, his job is not 100% settled and he is moving apartments.

His visit was wonderful (we did get intimate). But, he said, “My life is really complicated and this is complicated, and I  cannot adding anything else” when he was here for only 2 of the 4 days. He seemed very attracted to me and was very affectionate.In his thank you text he said I made the visit “outstanding and very very special” and he was surprised how well we got along.

He texted once after he got back (pretty coldly) and I responded, and he had disappeared except for liking one of my Instagram posts.

Why was he so nice? Did he ever like me? Did I scare him away somehow? Why does he not even want to be friends? I have not reached out, but I feel really sad. I also do not plan to when I am there in a few months.

Thanks for your help,
So Sad in Seaside

Did He Ever Care?

Dear Sad,

Long distance relationships have many pitfalls and unfortunately you just experienced several at the same time. Sorry to hear about your broken heart and how sad you feel.

Let me answer your main question first – did he ever like me? Yes, I’m sure he did like you and care. Why would he fly to see you if he couldn’t stand you? And I”m sure he enjoyed your company. However, that is NOT enough to sustain lasting love, never mind a long distance relationship.

What do I mean? There are so many factors in this situation that lead to this disappointing ending.

Don’t Date Recently Divorced Men

He got divorced due to his wife being unfaithful. Ouch! Cheating leaves deep wounds. So, this guy needs healing. He wants to feel good about himself again and reassure himself that he’s still got game with women.

Then you two connect. You tell him you will be near him in July which showed real interest so, he probably thought how fun and EASY it would be to visit you. Anyone with a drop of romance can relate to this idea.

That means you were like a special salve to mend his broken heart. I’m sure he didn’t mean to break your heart in the process. On the other hand he was thinking only of himself, not you.

Romantic Flings

Women aren’t the only ones who enjoy romance. And what is more fun that a quick vacation for a romantic fling? Sometimes people meet at a vacation destination or they visit each other. Either way, when a long-distance guy comes to visit, this is not a “lock” that he’s serious about you.

Keep in mind a romantic fling can absolutely recharge your love life. If you’ve been without love for a long time, a fling can be a great wake up call to renew desire and motivate you to start mingling. Just don’t count on it turning into lasting love.

Why Was He So Nice?

Why wouldn’t he be nice? He wanted to enjoy himself and your company and being nice made the whole visit pleasant. I bet it was outstanding and just what his ego and heart needed. Even if he knew he’d never see you again, he probably is a nice guy. This was selfish, using you to recover from his wife’s cheating and pump up his confidence that he’s still “got it” with women.

Understanding Men and “Man Speake”

When a man says, “My life is really complicated…” what he’s really saying is I can’t be in a relationship right now. He just got divorced, his job is unstable and he’s in the middle of moving. When a man is in transition or his life is totally up in the air, he can’t think long-term.

Most guys need solid ground and stability before looking for a serious relationship. This stems from their drive to be a good provider which is coded into their DNA. Next time you are getting to know a new guy and he tells you things that indicate his life is unsettled, WALK AWAY. No matter how great a guy he is, he is not relationship ready.

Don’t hang out to see what happens and help him heal and regain stability. He might accept your help, but 99% of men then leave once they feel better to find a new woman. Why? Because looking at you reminds them of when they were weak so, they move on.

Long Distance Relationships Rarely Work

If I could get one message out to every single woman, I would say, don’t get sucked into long distance relationships. They almost never work! There is way too much stress related to not being able to see each other and local temptations. It’s so easy to have countless reasons why you just can’t get together.

If the distance is temporary (someone moves away for six months with plans to return), that’s a different story. However, if you meet a guy online from several states away or in another country, your love is DOOMED. RESIST LDRs!

Did He Ever Like Me?

I think this guy did like you but, now you can see that is not the right question. Instead what you want to think about before getting involved is:

  • Does he have potential for lasting love?
  • Is his life stable?
  • Was he divorced at least one year ago?
  • Did he said he doesn’t want anything serious, isn’t looking for a relationship, is too busy, his life is complicated, his ex is crazy, etc.

These are all Big Red Flags that you want to pay attention to and when they start to add up, go look for a better candidate.

Date with Your Head and Heart

This is how you date smart – by using your head versus relying on your heart and what FEELS good. That works in the movies, not in real life. In real life, your heart alone will get you into trouble. Be true to yourself and your desire for lasting love and don’t get side-tracked by those romantic long distance dreams.

Wishing you love,

did he ever like me

 

 

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