Author Archives: Ronnie Ann Ryan

Why Do Guys Cheat Instead of Breaking Up? Understanding Men

Seriously, why do guys cheat instead of breaking up? That’s a million dollar question, but these seven reasons are simpler than you might think.

why do guys cheat instead of breaking up10 Heartbreaking Reasons Men Stray

You’ve been dating your dream guy for months now, maybe longer. It’s been smooth sailing and you are so happy to have found one of the “good guys”. You have long-term plans with a real future. You’ve met each others’ families. And you couldn’t be happier…

Until the fateful day you find out he’s cheating and your entire world comes crashing down.

How could he do this to you? What could he be thinking? You wonder what you might have done wrong and look back at everything in great detail, scouring your memory for anything that helps you possibly understand. How this could happen to you?

Trouble is some people just cheat. Men and women are guilty of this. Here are 10 reasons that can start to explain why on earth your man decided to cheat on you.

1. It Just Happened

On a rare occasion, forces of the Universe conspire, bringing two people together when one of them might not be single. In this particular case, your man was not intending to cheat. Perhaps the woman was even aggressive. They met, one thing lead to another and bam! He crossed the line.

True, he didn’t use great judgement and if he had a bit of restraint the whole nasty situation could have been avoided. Especially, if he were the kind of man who had a strong intention to keep his promises to you. So, this is a WEAK EXCUSE at best.

2. Leaving You Is a Big Decision

Your man might have a lot on his plate and prefers to avoid some horrible fight and the emotional fall out. Nevertheless, he’s getting itchy and thinking about his options. The idea of leaving you is far too big a decision to face. Rather than deal with the situation maturely, he goes for a little something on the side.

3. Rules Don’t Apply to Him

Narcissistic men think the normal rules of life and law do not apply to them. In other words, cheating is a guilty pleasure that’s is okay for him and he thinks he won’t get caught. Simple as that. He’s sees a pretty woman and he’s off to conquer. Or there are other personality disorders that could apply too.

4. Status Quo Feels Good

Maybe he feels more comfortable with the status quo. He likes being with you because you offer grounding, emotional support or balance. Perhaps you are a great partner and make his life much easier. Still, he misses the excitement of being with a new woman who adores him and boosts his ego. And there you go – he’s cheating.

5. He’s a Coward

Simply put, he just can’t face you like a grown man, be honest and tell you it’s over. Instead, he cheats which he knows you will NOT tolerate. That means you’ll do the breaking up for him. It’s a sure thing! This is why some men mess up and get found out so easily because they WANT YOU TO KNOW.

Katherine was visiting her daughter in another state. Her granddaughter spilled soda on her cell and it died. She called Rick, her man of 10 years, to tell him about it and he gallantly offered her his old phone. In fact, he shipped it off that same day. What a nice guy! He came to her rescue or did he…

When Katherine got the phone, she noticed a bunch of text messages from…another woman. This was mighty disturbing, but she decided to be brave and broach the subject. Rick replied, “Hey, I can’t be with a woman who doesn’t trust me and it didn’t mean anything,” Sure it didn’t. He could have cleared the phone right? They broke up the very next day.

Still asking why do guys cheat instead of breaking up? Here are five more gut wrenching reasons.

6. He’s a Sex Addict

This is the new celebrity addiction rapidly trickling down to the masses. Sexual addiction is a real problem and shows up in many ways. One way is a need for sex with lots of women all the time. Bingo – the perfect recipe for cheating. But don’t let him tell you he’s sick and it’s a disease. How long are you willing to hang around to find out if he’ll heal his addiction?

Sexual addiction is like any other addiction including drugs, alcohol or gambling. Yes, people do get past this, but it can be at a huge cost to your self esteem and life enjoyment. Only you know if staying with him is the smart move for you, even if it might be the best thing for him.

7. Close Proximity

The most likely place for a straying heart crops up at work. Of people who admit to infidelity, 36% say they had sex with a co-worker. It’s easy to see how this could happen if they are working hard late into the night. Especially on a business trip. That shared mission and closeness can definitely be seductive.

Yet, you would hope a man (or woman) would take their vows or commitment to exclusivity seriously. Sadly, when the pressure is on, sex does offer a big release and people are human. It doesn’t make it right by any stretch of the imagination.

8. He’s Getting Even

Only 9% of men admit they cheated to get back at a spouse (as opposed to 14% of women). But this infidelity statistic sure proves it happens. I’m not going to say it’s your fault since I have no idea why he’s mad. And really, there are more productive ways to settle an issue.

I don’t see how evening the score ever fixed anything. Therapy? Yes. Better communication? For sure. But cheating? No way. It might make him feel better being in the arms of another woman, but it sure won’t strengthen your relationship.

9. He Gets a Rise Out of Being Bad

There is a certain excitement to having an affair that is undeniable. Being naughty is a thrill and adds to the sexual pleasure. The idea of risk and the possibility of getting caught is tantalizing. Fantasy can also play a role here as well as the desire for variety of partners. Let’s face it, lust on TV or the movies does look like fun, but that’s no excuse.

10. He’s Cheated Before

If a man cheated on you once, the chances are 350% higher he will do it again. So, if you catch him with another woman a second time, think long and hard about giving him that third shot. [Infidelity Statistics 2017]

Yes, it is possible that people can change. But it’s rare, especially in this situation. It requires inner strength, focus and a serious and true commitment. If your man has cheated on you more than once, you can count on that happening again.

Think about it this way – what was the consequence of his cheating the first time? A fight and unpleasantness? Then you calmed down and took him back. The second time the fighting might have been more intense. But still, you took him back. So he’s pretty much assured you’ll forgive him for anything. I’m just saying…he doesn’t need to change when you make it easy.

Why Do Guys Cheat Instead of Breaking Up?

The bottom line is this: Some men are honest, committed and loyal. These men will NEVER cheat because for them it’s not an option. That’s who I hope you are in love with – a man who adores you and is completely committed.

There are people who do manage to work through an episode of cheating, forgive the partner, and stay together happily over time. I personally know survivors of infidelity who are glad they stayed together. They listened to each other, worked on the relationship and recommitted their loyalty to each other.

You are the only person who can make that decision after discovering you’ve been cheated on. You are in charge of taking care of yourself and choosing the course that suits you best. I wish you a clear mind and inner strength for your decision making and lots of love because you deserve it.

Why Is He Still Texting Me If He’s Not Interested?

You ask me, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not interested?” So many women suffer as a result of men who continue to text them without spending any time together. Here’s what you need to know to better understand men, texting and what is truly going on.

Why is he still texting if hes not interestedThe Bond Feels REAL, But Is It?

Single women write to me often, feeling the pain of too much texting and communication without actually going on dates.  Sadly, they get attached to the men over time. As weeks turn into months, which happens more frequently than you think, the feelings grow and deepen. This is how a bond forms and where heartbreak comes to visit.

It’s easy to see how this can happen. Staying in touch with a man regularly to share bits of your day, cute pics, funny events, etc., allows you to feel close to him. Maybe you start to have pet names for each other, private jokes,  or routines that feel comfortable and satisfying.

His texts might be sweet, thoughtful, funny or romantic. And when you get a message from him, your heart flutters. He just knows exactly what you want to hear – how is that possible?So you ask yourself, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not Interested?” Your confusion stems from his inability to carve time out for a date and not cancel.

Sadly, and I hate to tell you this but, this interaction with him is pure fantasy.

Yes, there is a connection, but it is NOT LOVE. It’s the fantasy of love because how can you be in love with a man you never see? You don’t really know him. You only know his texting persona and what he chooses to show of himself VIRTUALLY. The same is true for phone conversations and even video chats.

The only way you really get to know someone is by SPENDING TIME TOGETHER. Texting, phone, social media and video are all SUPPLEMENTS for time in person, if you are seeking a genuine, loving relationship.

But WHY Is He Still Texting Me If He’s Not Interested?

I know the question is still nagging at you. Even if you completely get this is not true love, there’s a part of you that needs to understand what the heck this is all about. Why would a man knowingly continue to text if he’s not interested? It makes no sense.

5 Reasons Why He Continues to Text

1.He’s Lonely Even men get lonely, so having someone to text with makes him feel less alone. Sometimes that might be just enough to satisfy this guy because he doesn’t want or isn’t capable of the full relationship you want. So he continues to text.

2. He’s Bored – He’s not living a rich, full life and perhaps doesn’t get out much. Or maybe he’s socially awkward. Another option is he has a lot of time on his hands. Maybe his job doesn’t occupy his full attention, so texting you is perfect to spice things up! We’ve all been bored from time to time and this is his way of killing time – by WASTING YOURS.

3. He Craves Attention – Some men simply crave attention, especially from an attractive, compassionate woman like you. Someone to listen to his woes or details of his day. When you respond he feels right with the world, knowing someone out there cares about him. Every time you respond, he feels bolstered knowing a great gal like you is paying attention to him.

4. He Needs an Ego Boost – Anyone can feel down or low and what better pick me up then texting with several women throughout the day. Or even just one woman he feels comfortable with. Maybe you boost his ego because you think he’s funny, fun to talk to, creative or really interesting. He may reveal what seems like private details of his life to draw you in closer. Too bad it won’t get deeper than that.

5. He Enjoys it – Texting with you is F-U-N! Are you quick witted or have a good sense of humor? Do you share funny thoughts, pics, jokes or stuff from the media? You have to admit that texting with you is uber entertaining. So he keeps texting to get more, but AT A DISTANCE. If he wanted to enjoy your wit in person, he’d ask you out! But, he’s not asking!

There may be more reasons as to, “Why is he texting me if he’s not interested? But, these  cover the biggest ones for sure.

What Are You Looking for in a Man?

Here’s the big question for you. Are you ready? It all boils down to this shockingly simple inquiry. What you are looking for in a man?

  • Do you want a texting buddy?
  • Do you just want to entertain men instead of dating them?
  • Are you looking to help men overcome boredom and to fill their time?
  • Do you want to help a man improve his low self-esteem?
  • Are you chatting with men so they can stop feeling so darn lonely?

OF COURSE NOT! You want LOVE- the real thing.

So, this is what I want you to do. STOP IT.  This might seem harsh and you might be thinking, “No Ronnie, tell me I haven’t been wasting my time! Tell me this isn’t true!

I know, I hear you but I’m going to stand strong on your behalf and say with great compassion – please stop texting this man. Stop following him on social media. Stop Facetiming, talking to him nightly and hoping at some point that he’ll want to go on a real date to see you live and in person.

HOPE is a 4-Letter Word

When it comes to your health and healing the sick, hope is essential. Studies show how important a hopeful, positive attitude is for recovery. But, when you spend months hoping some guy will finally ask you out or see you a second time to get to know you in person – THAT IS  A MASSIVE WASTE OF YOUR TIME.

This is one place where HOPE becomes a 4-letter word, because you will curse the fact that you foolishly hung in there hoping some guy would finally come through for you.

Your best strategy when you get into a situation like this is to GET OUT NOW.

Take Strong Action

Block the guy on your phone and unfriend all his social media. Then go on a super strict diet from this guy and avoid him like the plague he really is. He might not be a bad person – I can say that. After all, he is just getting his needs met.

But, he is a complete drain on attracting the love life with right man you’ve been dreaming of for quite some time.

If you are serious about finding love, stop asking why is he still texting me if he’s not Interested? Drop that fantasy man and his virtual relationship like a hot potato and free yourself up to find REAL LOVE with a REAL MAN who takes you into his arms and kisses you passionately like there’s no tomorrow.

Seriously, stop wasting your time and get  my book 7 Deadly Sins of Texting now so you can get to the good part of dating – spending quality time with the man of your dreams

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting him and see what happensIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting. The texting is fun! Sometimes its fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees. Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. The texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t the find he time to see you?

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went. Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and your feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you. So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

Does he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult? I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not it’s OK I just want to know.” That should be easy for him o respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.” Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing. You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are. A man who is interested, but not setting up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you. You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Know How Dating Works

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option. They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing there is one leader and one follower. As the woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

The same thing is true at the start of dating. Follow a man’s lead. If he texts, text him back. If he doesn’t text YOU DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER. This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following”. You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40. It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE. But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you. They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him. Before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
T
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose is men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right? This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking’ to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one. The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.

Then you’ll observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential. If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting

 

When He Doesn’t Call for Days What Can I Do?

It drives you crazy when he doesn’t call for days, but what can you do about it? Here’s the insight you need and some help with understanding men.

when he doesn't call for daysWhy Won’t He Call Me Back?

There’s nothing more frustrating than waiting for a man to call. He said he would call, so why isn’t he doing it? Why would he say he’d call if he didn’t mean it?

Maybe you had a great date and you know he had a good time too. This is what makes it so hard to understand why he hasn’t called to ask you out again. Did he get sick, start seeing other women, or get busy with work? What is keeping him from connecting again?

The worst thing is when you begin worrying that you did something wrong. You review every detail looking for what you could have said or done to turn him off or send him on his way without meaning to. You feel sick for not knowing what happened or having bad luck with men.

So what is really going on when a guy doesn’t call for days? Here are six reasons why your phone is not ringing.

1) He’s Actually Busy

Sometimes a man gets buried in a huge project and simply forgets to call. While it does happen, this is not such a good excuse because being distracted could indicate you are not his priority or he doesn’t like you enough to keep you top-of-mind.

2) He’s Dating Other Women

When you first meet a new guy, expect him to be dating other women. Don’t assume he’s only seeing you until he suggests exclusivity. He’s not calling back quickly because he’s got a hot date with someone else.

If you’ve only had a date or two its not that big a deal. But if you’ve been seeing him for weeks and he doesn’t call when he says he will, he’s letting you know he’s not a man of his word and not worried about hurting your feelings or making you angry. Not a man who is serious about getting to know you.

3) He Knows You’re Not the One

Even if a man is attracted to you and has a great time, that doesn’t mean he wants to see you again. He might have decided you are not the one for him which is why he doesn’t call back for days.

There’s no way to know why since you might remind him of an ex, talk too much or not enough, be too thin or heavy, short or tall, etc. Don’t bother trying to figure this out. Just do your best to accept it.

4) He Likes Being Single

No matter what a great catch you are, he just doesn’t want to get involved. He doesn’t want to get serious, have any strings attached or allow you to have any expectations of him. He’s not ready for a relationship so a date here or there is perfectly fine, but nothing consistent appeals to him. Be aware – men do not change their minds about this.

5) He’s Back with His Ex

This happened to me. I had two great dates with a guy and some hot kissing. Then I heard nothing from him – crickets. Days turned into weeks and I was puzzled and distraught. I asked the mutual friend who set us up if she knew anything. Yes, turns out he got back with his ex and there’s no competing with an previous love.

6) He Has a Different Agenda

This guy is actually respectful because even though he disappeared, he did so because he knew you wanted more than he could offer. So he didn’t call again even though he could have strung you along for a while. Be grateful – when he doesn’t call for days this could be the reason. He chose not to waste your time.

Do Not Call Him!

Most women think the simple solution is to simply contact him. If you are thinking of texting or calling to see if he’s OK, find out what happened, or nudge him a little to get him to call DON’T DO IT! Instead of reaching out, read this post on why calling his is NOT your next step to finding love.

Hold your head high, maintain your dignity and do not chase any man. He knows how to reach you if he wants to. So if he’s not calling you remind yourself that he simply can’t be the right man for you. The right man for you would be calling, asking you out, trying to impress and win you over so you can be all his.

This is what quality men do. They know what to do and do not hesitate. Good men take the lead and pursue you, call in advance to ask you out and plan fun dates. There are plenty of men who still date in a traditional manner regardless of their age.

So do not accept poor treatment or let yourself get attached to a man who is not consistent in his pursuit of you. Don’t accept his excuses of being too busy or putting you off into the future. A quality man finds the time to see you because it’s important to him.

When He Doesn’t Call for Days

So now you know at least six reasons when he doesn’t call for days what that is about. I’m sure there are many more but you get the idea. It usually has NOTHING to do with YOU. So stop beating yourself up about it and wondering what happened. Let it go into the pile of life mysteries and go find another guy to date.

Why He Won’t Take Down His Online Profile – Understanding Men

He won’t take down his online profile and that is driving you over the edge. Here’s why and what you need to know about understanding men.

He won't take down his online profileWhy Is He Still Online?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy on tinder when I was traveling for work. I lived in a different state and at the time didn’t think it would be more than the one date. But we kept messaging daily and caught up the next time I was back and he’s come to see me a couple of times as well.

Fast forward 10 months – he confessed he loves me and wants to try to make it work despite the odds and the distance. When we became ‘exclusive’ we had a discussion about him still being on Tinder.

He said it was out of boredom and for validation and said he’d delete it. Turns out he hasn’t. The frequency of his communication has increased and every call ends with saying how much he loves and misses me.

He Won’t Take Down His Online Profile

I really don’t know how to discuss this with him and wonder whether it’s because he gets bored or lonely or if it’s something more and he’s looking for someone closer. We joked about it last time I saw him. I asked why he wanted to be with me when it would be easier to find someone closer. He said he just wants to be with me and there is no one else.

I want to confront him about it but I don’t know how. I think it would have to be when we next see each other in a few weeks so I can gauge his reaction properly but I honestly don’t know what to believe or what I want to believe.

Thanks Ronnie,
Holding My Breath”

Getting to Exclusivity

Dear Holding,

This is such a difficult position to be in so I understand why you feel uncomfortable. On top of this, you have already discussed exclusivity and taking down his profile. He agreed and DIDN’T DO IT! So that leaves you wondering, “Now what?”

The best way to look at this situation is to ignore his reasons for still being online. Yes, don’t worry about why he won’t take down his online profile. The truth is it doesn’t matter if he’s bored, lonely or wants someone closer geographically.

What does matter? How you want to be treated! You want to be respected and he is not giving you that respect.

This man professes his love for you, yet didn’t follow through on your simple request to take down his profile. That tells you he values staying online more than making you happy. Not a good sign for your hopes of lasting love.

Words Are Not Enough

Calling you, texting, expressing his love – all of these are nice, but not enough for lasting love.  You need a man who is committed to you and your relationship. Who values your love and doesn’t want to do anything to mess that up.  A man who keeps his word and does what he says.

That’s not your guy.

Where Is the Relationship Going?

I do have a big question – how do you see this relationship going? Are you hoping one of you will move to live near or with the other? Keeping a long distance relationship going is a lot more work than when you live close by. What are your hopes? Because if you don’t see this progressing to living together or marriage, why go through all this?

How Do You Confront Him About His Profile?

I’m not sure about bringing this up in person in case things don’t go your way. The phone might be easier. I would bring it up directly without prefacing the discussion with, “We have to talk.” That language puts a man on red alert.

You could simply say, “10 months ago you told me you’d take your profile down but it’s still up. That isn’t working for me. I want to be with a man who keeps his word. You want us to be together and exclusive, so will you please take your profile down today?”

Then listen to how he reacts and what he says. Keep this in mind: There are no acceptable excuses or thinking about it. The only answer is, “Yes I will do it today.” And then he does it.

Stand Behind Your Ultimatum

However, for this to work you have to be willing to hold up your end. The last line in your question about not knowing what to believe or even what you WANT to believe is the tip off you might be wavering.

Asking him to take down the profile is an ultimatum, so you have to be willing to stop seeing him and walk away if he won’t take his profile down immediately.  You must stand behind your words just like you want him to do. Are you OK with that?

The point of the ultimatum is not to get him to change. He has to want to do that on his own. You are just letting him know this is the end of the line. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect and if you don’t get that, you are moving on.

The real purpose of an ultimatum is to do what is right for you. Can you stay with a man who will not stop looking for other women after all this time? You simply can’t if you want to maintain your dignity and value yourself.

This is his chance to decide what he wants – and your chance to respond accordingly. If you don’t honor your own ultimatum, he won’t take down his online profile.

Don’t Be Afraid to Stand Up for Yourself

You know you are with the right man when you are not afraid to ask for or discuss something that doesn’t work for you. You cannot maintain a healthy relationship if you are unwilling to do this. When the man you’re dating is unwilling to talk things through or keep his word, he can’t be the Right Man for you.

Take the chance to ask about this and then follow through. If he’s not the guy, there are other good men out there waiting to meet a great gal like you. Don’t put up with vague exclusivity which is actually no exclusivity. You deserve he real things when it comes to love and a lasting, healthy, romantic relationship.

The bottom line is, if he won’t take down his online profile, you won’t be with him any more. Case closed.

 

 

 

What Will Make You Happier This Thanksgiving?

Curious what will make you happier this holiday season? With Thanksgiving right around he corner, here are a few simple, yet empowering ideas you’ll love.

what will make you happierHow to Feel Happier During the Holidays

Below are five simple ideas to try to boost your mood during he holiday season. it all starts this week as you know. Choose one tip or try them all. But promise me you’ll do at least one. When it comes to what will make you happier, there are more options than I could ever fit into this one blog.

1.Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Comparing yourself and your life to others is a surefire way to feel bad about yourself. No two people are alike and every one has some sort of problems. Even though the grass always looks greener, it’s probably not true. That’s just human nature.

So, if you catch yourself wondering why your sister, neighbor or colleague’s life seems so much better than yours, bring your attention back to you. Think about what is going well in your life. We tend to ignore the good and focus on what’s missing. What will make you happier is to keep your eyes in your own backyard.

2. Volunteer and Serve

If you wish your situation was different, maybe more fun, friends, money whatever, it’s time to think of those who are less fortunate than you. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, work at a pet shelter, or offer to help at your church.  Find something that suits you and then do it. When you help others, you take the focus off yourself and open your heart to give. Expanding your heart center is always good. 🙂

3. Let Go and Give

If you’ve got time on your hands during the holidays, put it to good use. Go through your closet looking for items you no longer wear to donate. If you haven’t worn it in over a year, that is a clue you should donate it. You might also have apparel or accessories that no longer fit or are out of style. Look through your coats too – its getting cold out there. Clearing clutter feels fabulous and opens the door for new things to come into your life!

You can also make room for a new man energetically by using Feng Shui principles. Feng Shui is an ancient Asian practice that promotes a healthy energy flow where you live and work. The idea is simple really – if you have two night tables, make sure one is empty with room for your man’s items. Make room in your medicine cabinet and also a little space in your closet. This is how you make room in your life for a new man energetically!

4. Give Thanks for People in Your Life Now

There are people in your life right now who make a difference in your life. Maybe a sibling or other family members, your children or neighbors. Think about your good friends, the ones you can count on. People who are part of your faith community. Colleagues who have your back. Others who have helped you in some way or simply put a smile on y our face.

Share your love and appreciation with these folks because they do not get enough acknowledgement. Let them know how much they matter. It might even be the teller at your bank or the person at the corner store where you get gas or coffee who always greets you with a smile. Let them know they brighten your day. Spread love and you will feel happier and uplifted.

5. Count Your Blessings

No matter what is missing in your life or not working, there are always things that are going right. But part of human nature is not to notice what is working. We tend to focus on lack and what’s going wrong. Time to shake things up!

Making a mental list is not really enough. Take out a sheet of paper or use your note function on your phone and make a LIST. This way you have a physical record you can refer back to when you go off the  rails and forget about all the things you can be grateful for. Don’t forget how you can afford lights and heat, a good meal, a warm coat, sunshine and more. The little things add up!

Thinking about what will make you happier, why not make a list of those things too? it might be to laugh at something every day, smile more, get out into the sunshine, walk in nature, a good cup of coffee, a piece of dark chocolate, a glass of wine, snuggling with your pet, or watching a funny movie. Don’t just create the list – do them.

Happy Thanksgiving!

For readers in the US celebrating Thanksgiving this week – may your holiday be enjoyable and a sweet memory.

As my gift of thanks to you, click here to listen to a Q & A recording on dating after 40 – the recording is just over an hour and is packed with helpful tips, inspiration and eye-opening insights into understanding men.

 

Why Won’t He Tell Me The Truth?

If you’re asking, “Why won’t he tell me the truth?” and feeling frustrated with the man you’re dating, this post will help clear that up for you and more.

why won't he tell me the truthFeel Like He’s Not Being Honest?

So you are seeing this man and he’s gotten a bit distant. You feel like something is wrong, in fact, you KNOW something isn’t right, but you can’t put your finger on what is going on. So you get up the nerve to ask him. Something like this comes out of your mouth:

“Why are you being distant?”
“Is something wrong between us?”
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Of course he says it’s nothing. He denies that anything is wrong at all. If you push further, he might blow up or worse, get even more distant. Why won’t he tell you the truth?

Sometimes you’ll tell a man you need to talk and that can be the kiss of death in terms of having a conversation. He seems to be totally avoiding you at this point. Ouch!

Women tell me they come right out and ask the man they’re seeing if he wants to break up or stop seeing each other. Again, this kind of question is often met with denial So, you feel worse and know you’re not getting any where. How are you supposed to fix this if he won’t talk to you?

Seriously, Why Won’t He Tell Me the Truth?

This painful question just keeps floating through your mind. Your curiosity gets the best of you and you end up thinking about this all day eventually. It seems so simple if he’d just ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.

Actually by the time you get to this point, his honest response, “Yes I want to break up,” would almost be a huge relief. Or if he’d admit he was cheating. At least you wouldn’t be in limbo-land any more. You’d know the truth and you could move on. It would hurt for sure but you can’t take it any more.

But, why won’t he tell me the truth?

How Men Think

Most men hate to admit they’re about to cause you pain. They don’t want any big emotional scene. Nor do they want to be the mean guy, even if they are pursuing another woman.

So here’s what they do – they AVOID YOU. They stay clear of the topic, become scarce, and change the subject. Whatever will get you off track works for a man like this because the LAST THING HE WANTS IS TO DISCUSS IT.

This is also why some men behave so poorly right before a break up – they act out hoping YOU’LL BREAK UP WITH THEM. Sorry to say, this is standard procedure for countless men at any age.

What Can You Do?

Please, stop trying to make things work. If you are prepared (and I hope you are) when things get this bad, your best move is to pull back too. It’s time for you to become scarce as well. Focus on yourself. Think about what will make you happy and do it.

For example, take really good care of  yourself. Get a massage or a mani-pedi. Go out with the girls. Watch chick flicks and eat ice cream. Read a new book or those magazines you never get to. Tackle one of those projects on your list. Do something creative. You have plenty of choices when you focus on YOU.

What does this do for you? It takes the focus off him and what you cannot fix. And it gives him a chance to step forward because if he was ever going to do it, this is his opportunity and he knows it. So if he’s not cheating on you or hoping you’ll leave him, he’ll sure know something is up when you go silent.

Breaking from your normal pattern of desperately trying to get him to talk will be a shock and send him a clear message. You won’t put up with his nonsense. And this gets communicated without saying one word. The silent treatment is as old as the hills, but still can produce results.

I’m not saying your man will definitely come back to you and try to work things out. But he might. And truly this is the only shot you have. Continuing to force the issue will not deliver any results. None that you actually want anyway.

His Reason Why Doesn’t Matter

Most women really want to UNDERSTAND WHY.  Why is he acting this way? Why won’t he tell me the truth? How come he is avoiding me? Why won’t he talk about it? But these questions will never be answered. You need to focus on why do you put up with such treatment? Who is he to behave this way around you?

It’s All About You

When you start to realize you cannot change men or make them do anything, you start to see the wisdom on focusing on you. What makes you happy? It sure isn’t him if he’s acting this way, avoiding you and not telling you the truth.

To keep your dignity, it’s time to realize the power to change your situation lies totally within you. That means you might need to leave him. Because you DESERVE BETTER. Why would you put up with a man who won’t be honest, won’t talk about things and treats you poorly?

The one thing you can change is YOURSELF. Walking away is the  most empowering thing when a man will not tell you the truth. This allows you to free yourself up so that when you are ready, you can go out to find love again with a better man.

Identify a Good Match

How do you know you found a good match? You’re with a man who WILL talk things over. He’ll stick around to work things out. A good man shows that he cares by apologizing if needed. He values you and doesn’t want to risk losing you.

The right man for you treats you like gold and his word is like gold too. He keeps his promises and you trust him. Thankfully, he follows through and means what he says to you and others. A man who is consistent and shows you respect as you do for him. He lets you know he cares through his actions, not just his words.

My dating advice is to stop worrying about, “Why won’t he tell me the truth?” Turn this around if he’s acting this way, because that means he’s already half way out the door. Then pull back yourself and take care of #1 – that’s you babe.

This is the way to react to a situation with dignity. You’ll not only keep your self-respect, but build it in relationships. Hold your head high and know you are destined for a better man who will treat you in a loving manner because that’s his nature.

Be true to yourself and let a man go who won’t tell you the truth or talk about things. He’s not the only man on the planet. I promise.

Kiss & Tell: Nearly 50 And Still Single, How Do I Meet A Guy?

November 6, 2017 via Hartford Courant

Milford Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan says there is no better way to meet men than online, especially for people over 50.

“It seems the older men get, the less social they are,” she says. “They don’t join singles groups at the same rate women do. Women tend to seek community. Men? They go online.”

So they’re out there, they’re using these sites and apps, but you’ve got to do lots of weeding.

“The truth is there are no more crazies online than anywhere else,” says Ryan. “It’s a slice of the general population and 40 million people are dating online in the United States.”

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6 Clues He’s Not Into Your Long Distance Relationship

Wondering, “Do long distant relationships work?  Women around the world struggle with this as they try to keep love alive. Here’s what you need to know if you are thinking about getting involved or already are.

do long distance relationships workLong Distance Relationships Are So Tough Emotionally

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met my boyfriend while he was traveling to Asia in August, 2016. We spent 3 days together and I slept with him before he went back to the US. We texted daily for hours over the months before I visited him last December for four weeks. After having such a good time we decided to be in a relationship. He kept saying he didn’t want a serious relationship because of the distance, but he gave in.

I visited him again from July to September this year and our relationship got even better. He told me he loves me, treated me well and always considered my feelings. Since my return home, we started arguing about cultural differences and he thinks I don’t give him space. For example he doesn’t want to text me daily.

Do We Have a Future?

I would like to get married as I’m 33, he is 32 and I’m wondering – do long distance relationships work? Can this turn into something long-term? He said he isn’t financially stable now and won’t be for 3 – 4 years (and isn’t even sure about that). Although he sees me in his future, he’s not sure he wants to get married.

I’m so hurt. Is there a future for us? Shall I wait or leave? Do long distance relationships work? I asked if he wants to break up – he said no. We are traveling to Europe in few months and he mentioned it costs a lot of money to maintain this relationship. He got a new job and since he won’t have vacation for a while, I’ll have to wait to visit him next summer.  I don’t want to invest so much if I won’t be with him forever.

Ronnie Please Help!!!
Distant Love”

Help with Understanding How Men Think

Hi Distant Love,

This guy has been fairly honest with you from what you’ve told me. I listed below the clues he’s given you about your future together.

  1. He doesn’t want a relationship
  2. Has shared concern about the distance
  3. Says he’s not financially stable now and won’t be for years
  4. Isn’t sure he wants to get married
  5. Doesn’t want to text daily
  6. It costs a lot of money to maintain the relationship

I’m going to be totally straight with you. Even though he says he loves you (which is always great to hear), he clearly doesn’t want to keep this going. He’s not stringing you along because he’s honest about his feelings. I’m so sorry to tell you if marriage is your goal, he’s not the guy.

It’s not that he doesn’t love you, I”m sure he does since he said so. But love is NOT enough. He’s not READY for marriage. In fact, he wants more time to himself and doesn’t want daily communication. That’s not a good sign.

Understanding How Men Think

These six points above are meant to push you away. I know you asked him if he wanted to break up, but a man will rarely say yes. Most guys don’t want to hurt your feelings and do things in the hopes that you will give up and break up with them. It feels better this way to most men.

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

The truth about long distance relationships is that they rarely work out or to lead to marriage. There is a high degree of fantasy and excitement that’s hard to keep up with. Sometimes it lasts for years if both people are happy with part-time love or one hangs on hoping someday they’ll be together.

Unfortunately, you are the latter and want more from the relationship than he does. In fact, I bet he never dreamed it would last this long and is feeling pressure now. The smartest choice is to end it before you invest in a European vacation and more time with him.

So, in answer to your question, “Do long distance relationships work?”, sadly 99% of the time the answer is no.

If you want to get married and have children, you can’t wait around for your American guy. It was fun, but now it’s time to get serious. Look for love locally because it’s so much easier to meet, date and marry when you don’t have distance and cultural differences to get in the way.

Wishing you love,

do long distance relationships work

 

If you are ready to get serious about finding love with the right man, get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single

 

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Did I Scare Him Off? Understanding How Men Think

Have you ever worried, “Did I scare him off?” It’s possible. Find out if you’ve made one of these common mistakes with a new man.

Did I scare him off Don’t Scare Him Away!

Halloween is about the fun of scary things and ghoulish stories. But the last thing you want to do is scare off a new man in your life. Here are four ways you might inadvertently frighten your date away and how to avoid them.

 

1) Staunchly Independent

You are an independent woman can take care of yourself so you don’t need a man. I get it. You might really enjoy your independence or perhaps you fought hard to win it. However, communicating this to a man does not portray as positively as you might imagine.

Most people, including men want to feel needed. They want to help with your car, fix stuff, carry heavy things or open jars. A staunchly independent woman who is proud of her status can be off putting because that guy your dating doesn’t want to feel unnecessary in your life. You wouldn’t like that either.

Your independence is fabulous! Just don’t flaunt it in your new man’s face. Let him open the door for you, order the wine, pick up the check. Let him have the traditional role and “be the man.” If you want to be an irresistible woman, be warm and receptive, be easy to please and be appreciative of his efforts.

But don’t brag about how you can totally take care of yourself – you’ll turn him off and lose him.

2) Talking about the Future

When you meet a wonderful man, it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement. That’s the fun part of dating. However, if you start doodling your name with his, if you try out his surname with your first name to see how it sounds after a few dates, that’s living in the future.

Please don’t plan your future so early on. Stay in the present moment and what I call “Positively Neutral”. You are positive about the future and the present, but you remain detached or neutral. Anything can happen to move the relationship forward or to cut it short. Your positive, yet neutral outlook keeps you balanced.

When you lean into the future, you’ll appear anxious or needy – Oh no! That sets off HUGE warning bells and starts the downhill slide for a man. So, avoid over thinking the future. Stay present, keep your eyes open and know that it will all unfold with time. Don’t rush a man if you want him to stick around.

3) Fixing Him Up

Let me tell you straight out – you cannot change a man. You cannot change anyone, except yourself and event that’s not so easy. There are only two things you can change about a man: 1) his clothing and 2) his hair if you’re lucky. But that’s it.

He is who he is. Your attempts to improve him could be taken as a lack of appreciation for who he is right now. That’s won’t bode well for your budding relationship. Pushing him to change is a great way to push him away.

Yet, women make this mistake all the time! I remember thinking about a guy and wishing I could just mix together a good part of someone else with the new guy’s qualities to have the perfect partner. We all have done this from time to time. But it[‘s NOT possible!

So refrain from fixing him. Appreciate who he is right now and if you cannot do that, he’s probably not the right man for you.

4) Invading His Space

I’m sure you’ve heard about the man cave. So wen you are first seeing a new man, he’s going to frequently return to the man cave because he feels really comfortable there. You may be tempted to reach out to him, especially if you haven’t heard from him. DON’T DO IT! You’ll be invading his private territory.

That means, no matter how much you want to, don’t call him, text him or initiate contact. Let him come to you with his own sense of timing. If you don’t hold back, and think how men and women are equals and this is silly not to connect, you will likely pay the price.

For the first 4-6 dates, let him initiate and lead. Don’t crowd him, get in his space or take over pursuit. This never works. If he’s fallen away, his lack of communication tells you he’s not so interested. His actions and efforts to connect are the only thing that matters, not his words. Don’t take over no matter how tempting, because chances are you’ll soon be asking, “Did I scare him off?”

How to Enjoy the Magic

There are many more chilling things women do to chase men away, like not returning phone calls, talking about your ex, complaining that all men stink, going on and on about your kids, etc. So, if you’re dating someone who seems to be a good match, smile at him, praise his efforts, give him a warm reception and enjoy the magic that is falling in love.

Happy Halloween!

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Is He Stringing Me Along? Understanding Men

is he stringing me alongIs he stringing me along? The sooner you know the answer to this painful question the better so read on to discover the signs.

How Can I Tell If He’s Stringing Me Along?

Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met this med student on a dating site and we’ve been chatting for 3 months through snapchat, instagram, facebook, and text. We have so much in common and he’s really nice. I’ve given him hints to meet multiple times, but he keeps playing games.

One time he was going to come to see me (he lives 2hrs away) and he flaked the day before. I know he’s busy with med school, so I was okay with it. I told him to let me know when he’s not too busy. He asked me a few times what my plans were for the weekend. He had activities in mind and got me really excited about finally asking me out. Then we’d go on to talk about other stuff and forget the plans.

I asked him again yesterday to go biking, he said he’d love to, but that was it. He didn’t even talk about when we could do that. I don’t get it!

I’m So Over It!

Is he stringing me along? Sometimes I wonder if he’s really busy or he’s afraid that if we finally meet, he’d scare me away. (He said that’s happened before.)

What should I do? He still keeps on snapchatting and texting me. Should I stop communicating with him? Or give it another chance? I don’t want to be super attached because it will break my heart if this goes nowhere.

Thanks for your help,
Done in Denver

9 Signs He’s Stringing You Along

Dear Done,

I know this isn’t easy for you. You’ve gotten emotionally invested and keep hoping he’ll come around and finally ask you out. At the end of your note, you say you don’t want to be super attached because you’ll be heart broken, that’s a clear sign you already are attached. There’s no getting around that fact.

Sadly, you don’t really know this man regardless of how much time you’ve spent chatting. You only know what he shares through text and social media. Honestly, he might not be a med student or live two hours away. When a man won’t meet you, most often he’s not who he says he is.

Could he really be afraid you won’t like him? Only if he’s not who he says he is. What about him has scared other women away? That’s a big red flag in my book and one I don’t believe for a minute.

You are not the only woman who has fallen for a guy who can’t seem to ask you out or keep a date. I’ve answered questions like this from many other women on my blog with this same sort of story. It’s an epidemic.

Stringing Before Meeting

1. More Than 7-10 Days Without a Date – Seriously, no matter how much fun you’re having, don’t continue texting, etc. with a man who doesn’t have time to meet you. Read more about the problems with “virtual relationships“.

Either he already has a woman and is cheating emotionally, isn’t interested in a genuine relationship, doesn’t want to get involved, is wounded and not capable of a relationship, or is boosting his ego. None of these are good reasons since you are looking for love.

2. Too Busy to See You – Being busy is the perfect excuse not to see you. It might be work, school, a big house project, helping out a friend or something with this ex or his kids. Even if his excuses seem legitimate, he’s letting you know he’s not really available. A man who wasn’t a relationship WILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME.

3. Cancels Multiple Times – This guy makes plan but then something comes up and he cancels. And this happens more than once. That’s your signal he’s stringing you along. How many times should a guy flake on you before you give him the boot? Twice, then move on. Once- anyone can have plans change. Twice is the start of a pattern.

4. Tells a Sob Story – This is a trick often used by scammers. They tell you a tale of woe so you feel sorry for them. it could be health, family, legal or financial problems that a man shares to draw you in. He is playing on a woman’s naturally strong empathy so you want to stick by him, help him and show him the world is a good place.

5. Long Distance Encounters – So many women fall for guys who live in the far away. Whether he’s a few states away or in another country, he’s not geographically desirable. Having a simple date is out of the question. It becomes a big ordeal to see you and requires planning a trip, taking time off, and overnight visits.

This is great for fantasy and might be a highly romantic and fun fling. But the chances of something like this blossoming into a lasting relationship are just about…zero. The distance makes a simple date impossible, so don’t even get started. Look locally for love and avoid this heartbreaking trap.

Stringing While Dating

Now, let’s say you actually are dating a man who you fear is stringing you along. Here are a few signs that’s happening as well.

6. Plans Are Complicated – When a man always has to get back to you and making plans is  complicated, he could be stringing you along. He’s looking for his best option and you are only one of several possibilities. If you’re always waiting for him to get back to you, he’s stringing you along.

7. He’s Separated – He may say he’s in the process of divorce, but a separated man is NOT divorced yet. It takes time to heal from divorce, but first you have to GET DIVORCED. Chances are you’ll be pulled into his drama and ride an emotional roller coaster that stresses you out. Therapists agree the best solution is not to date men who haven’t been divorced for at least a year.

8.  No Labels –  After a few months of dating you want to be “boyfriend and girlfriend” and don’t like when he introduces you as his “friend”. If you ask him, he might change the subject, be evasive, ask for more time or say he’s not into labels and doesn’t want to define the relationship.

This puts you on alert that he’s not serious about you because a man who wants to keep you around will do what it takes to make you happy.

9. Long Distance Relationships– Maybe you’ve actually gotten together with your long distance guy. Whether its one or a few times and regardless of how intense the romance is, a long distance guy might not be capable of or want more. The distance is perfect for him so you don’t crowd his style or try to take things deeper.

If he doesn’t start introducing you to friends and family, don’t involve you in his life or tell you his future plans (with you in them) you are at risk of heartbreak and wasting time.

So, Is He Stringing Me Along?

If you are thinking this, the answer is YES!

What should you do? Stop responding! Stop communicating and unfriend or unfollow him on all social media. Block him on your phone too.

OK, this happened to you had you’ll feel sad for a while. But you are not giving up anything because he was never serious about you. His actions have proved that. Let him go and move on to find a local guy who wants to spend time with you and asks you out weekly to find a lasting, loving relationship.

 

Will He Ever Ask Me Out? Understanding Men

Will he ever ask me out? I see this guy in our sports league and parties. He sticks with me when he sees me but, doesn’t ask me out. Will he come around?

will he ever ask me outShe’s Wondering, “Will He Ever Ask Me Out?”

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I know a guy through a sports league and we got close over the summer (he’s 44 and I’m 43). We haven’t gone out on ‘dates’ but would see each other at volleyball and end up staying later than everyone else, just the two of us having drinks.

We had great conversations and have a lot in common. Nothing intimate happened for a couple months. We have many mutual friends so we end up at the same parties and get togethers. If he knows I’m going to be there, he will be there and ensure we end the night together.

He mentioned a while back that he didn’t think he was ready for anything serious. I told him I was looking for more of an emotional connection with someone. A few weeks later, we ended up sleeping together.  He texted me the following night to ask me about how my team did that day.

He doesn’t text me very often. It seems like he needs liquid courage to do so. If I text him he responds. He engages on my Facebook page regularly and didn’t do this before we were intimate.

Pushy Women Take Charge

His last relationship ended in February and he said she was pushy and controlling. His prior marriage was with a pushy woman as well so I haven’t initiated contact much. I really want this man to ask me out. I’m not sure if he’s being cautious because of his relationships or if he isn’t into me like I thought he was.

I would think that if all he wanted was sex he would disappear after he got it. While he does pop up here and there, he doesn’t make a move. I think he wants me to pursue him because that’s what he is used to.

My gut tells me not to pursue. I’m wondering if a man sometimes takes more than a week or two to sort out his feelings, especially if he didn’t think he was ready for anything serious. I feel he does like me and is attracted. What are the chances he’ll come around and ask me out and how long might that take?

Please help!
Hopeful in Hartford”

 

Hi Hopeful,

Men are easier to understand than you might think. You just have to know how to “read between the lines” of what they say and do.This is one of my specialties – radically simplifying how to understand men.

He Doesn’t Want a Relationship

First and most important he told you he did NOT want a relationship. When a man says this PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE HE MEANS IT. Believe it for this guy and believe it any time you hear this in the future. Men never say this if they don’t mean it. It’s the most honest thing he’s probably said to you.

So, not taking the next step to ask you out isn’t because he’s cautious or doesn’t like you enough, he just doesn’t want to have a relationship and that’s often what dates lead to. It’s so much easier to just bump into you and let it just be something that happens.

Don’t Pursue Men

You say he’s used to pushy women. That’s because he rather not be responsible for what happens. This explains why you’re getting the feeling he wants you to pursue him. He can then absolve himself and say, “Hey, I told her I didn’t want a relationship but, she pursued me.” That’s why you are SO SMART NOT to DO IT. Don’t pursue men – it only leads to heartbreak.

He’s Not Emotionally Available

He might be stunted emotionally – maybe for life, maybe just for a while. But here’s the most crucial question of all – how long are you willing to wait for a man like that? He is not whole – something is missing or not completely right. He may be a great person and a great guy, but that doesn’t mean he’d be great in relationship.

Attraction is NOT Enough

I’m not saying he doesn’t like you. I’m sure he does like you and is attracted or he wouldn’t stick by your side or sleep with you. But you want more than a man who finds you attractive – you want a relationship that lasts and deepens and he’s simply not capable.

Missing the Essential Element for a Healthy Relationship

Yes, there is plenty you like about him. But he’s missing the most essential element for a man you want to be in relationship with – DESIRE for a relationship. He doesn’t want it or he would do something about it. To make you “his”. This is why he bumps into you rather than scheduling dates.

Sadly there is absolutely NOTHING you can do because he needs healing and only he can take the needed steps.

Here’s What You Can Do

The best thing you can do is come to grips with reality of the situation and who he really is. Have the self respect and awareness to recognize a lost cause. Rely on your own emotional maturity and skills for self-preservation to let go and move on.

There are other, better men out there who do want a relationship. Please go find one. I’m so very sorry to say this guy will never make you happy because he CAN’T. The answer to your question, “Will he ever ask me out?” sadly is NO.

 

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Maria Allyn Midlife Fulfillment Coach: Your Mojo’s Waiting

Maria Allyn Midlife Fullment CoachMojo
noun mo·jo \’mo-(,)jo\
A power that may seem magical and that
allows someone to be very effective, successful, etc.
A
magic spell, hex, or charm; broadly:
magical power.

~Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary

Have you ever looked in the mirror and murmured, “Honey, you got this”? Having that unmistakable feeling of being able to own any room you walked into?

Knowing you have an aura of confidence would immediately make you feel at home in any setting. That’s your mojo at work. Your unique, signature energy that leaves its mark everywhere you go. That may be a distant memory for many, but trust me , your body remembers vividly. It’s been on high alert just waiting to follow your command to bring it forth.

So often our magical blueprint gets swallowed up by the demands of life. Even though we carry our mojo with us always, she is a demanding diva who needs to be acknowledged and celebrated. Without that continued self care, she naps. I mean what’s the fun of spreading your magic if its not valued and encouraged?

As children we honor our mojo. We expect faces to light up when we enter a room and for others to be completely captivated by our tales. We instinctively know that we are magical, gifted beings that sprinkle glitter wherever we go.

As we get older, we become jaded by harsh realities and that inner diva gets silenced. Will we be perceived as arrogant and alienate people? Is this magic meant just for childhood and is living a charmed life not for adults?

I’m here to convince you that your magic never dies. It’s an energy that walks hand in hand with us. Its a power, when harnessed , that allows us to get in tune with our passions and live authentically.

Remember that confidence, eagerness and absolute knowing that enveloped our earlier days? If your feeling depressed and unmotivated, chances are that you need to wake up Ms. M. She’s in there snoozing under layers of cozy down comforters.

Here are some tips to do just that:

1) Clear your head– Its hard to connect with your mojo when your mind is being pulled in a million directions. Ms. M is used to being center stage and will not compete to be heard. Take a sabbatical from social media, limit your TV and let your texting fingers rest. It’s during these quiet times that our mojo connects.

2) Do something childish– Indulge yourself in an activity that has no purpose but fun. Connect to that part of you that fully enjoys the moment.; color, collect pretty objects, sing at the top of your lungs, finger paint or bang on a piano. Feel the pleasure of just doing with no agenda. Your mojo thrives on that.

3) Kick the “Old Farts” to the curb–  This is a way of being and not a chronological issue . If you surround yourself with naysayers and  “glass half empty” folks you may never give yourself permission to live a magical life. The feedback back from your buddies may be too daunting. Find people who light you up and put pep in your step. You can hang out with the “stick in the muds” in the graveyard.

You may want to stay on track doing regular mojo maintenance by using these tips . Also, I give moxie and mojo strengthening tips on my weekly, Wednesday , Facebook live feed. Your mojo is like a muscle and gets strengthened every time you embrace it. It will eventually become your way of life. A midlife filled with giggles, gusto and adventure.

“Being a playwright of any race is difficult, and Lord knows it gets
more difficult the further you get from the middle of the road. I
don’t know what kind of magic my mojo is working, but it’s working. “

~Suzan-Lori Parks

P.S. Your mojo’s calling you! Don’t make her wait.

Get Maria’s Amazing Guide for FREE

5 Easy Ways to Jump Start Joy

 

Meet Maria Allyn – Midlife Fulfillment Coach

Maria Allyn Midlife Fulfillment CoachMaria Allyn is known as the “Midlife Master”. She has dedicated her practice to helping midlife women reignite their zest for life and live their second chapter filled with passion and purpose. She is the creator of Midlife Mastery, her signature program , that has transformed the lives of women all over the world. Her motto is ,”If not now …when”. A reminder to midlife women to make themselves a priority, live with no regrets and not waste another minute living the wrong life.

She obtained her Master’s Degree in Organizational Development and Leadership from the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine, is the married mother of 3 feisty adult girls and loves travel and the arts.

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Why Did He Text Me Out of the Blue? Understand How Men Think

Millions of women ask, “Why did he text me out of the blue?” Most times, the reason is simpler than you imagine if you understand how men think.

Why Men’s Communication Is So Confusing

why did he text me out of the blue“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I dated a man who claimed he had a crush on me for 5 years. I had no idea but decided to give him a shot. We dated for a month and I started to develop strong feelings for him. He told me he didn’t want a girlfriend, just wanted to have fun.

I cut off the relationship because I knew I would get hurt and we parted ways.

Two years later, I get a text from him. He says he’s been thinking about me and asked how I’ve been doing. We texted for 20 minutes back and forth. Then a few days went by. After a week I texted asking if he wanted to get a drink if he wasn’t involved with anyone. He never responded.

Why Leave the Conversation with Loose Ends?

Why would a man tell you he’s thinking about you but leave the conversation with loose ends? Why would he text me out of the blue like that? It seems to me he would have had enough respect to tell me if he’s involved.

Some friends say he’s afraid to go out with me because I rejected him by ending the last relationship. I’d love to know your thoughts about what happened.

Thanks!
Disrespected in Delaware”

Dear Disrespected,

I know this behavior looks really confusing but, that’s where I can help!

Different Ways of Thinking

The first thing you need to know about how men think is that it’s nothing like how women think. We have reasons and put feelings behind everything we do. Often our motivation is buried beneath the surface. Women try to say something or take action in a way that will not reveal our true feelings.

It’s not the same for men.

I’m not saying they don’t have deep feelings or motivations. It’s just that men are actually simpler to understand. They are more direct than women for the most part. That is if you know what to watch for and don’t use your own feminine thought process to understand what is going on.

In other words, don’t go for the deep meaning. Go for the surface value. I’ll explain more in a minute.

Was His Crush Real?

So this guy claimed to have a five year crush on you before asking you out. Was that true? Probably. But his crush was probably not relationship oriented.  It was more attraction based and most likely he had been fantasizing about sleeping with you for five years.

Thankfully he told you the truth within a month, saying he just wanted to have fun and not get into a relationship. That actually was his way of being respectful and honest.

Breaking Up with Him

You were wise to end the relationship once you realized you did not want the same thing – a relationship and lasting love. Why continue hoping he’ll change his mind? Good for you! So many women sadly fool themselves thinking a casual guy will suddenly become a man seeking lasting love. That doesn’t happen.

Why Did He Text Me Out of the Blue?

So why would a man text you out of the blue asking how you are?

For one thing, my bet is he’s still fantasizing about you. Men spend a lot of time thinking about sex and fantasizing. According to WebMD, men think about sex 19 times a day compared to women at 10 times a day. That’s nearly twice as much.

Maybe he also needed an ego boost. Perhaps he felt lonely or down. What better way to fix that than by texting to see if you would respond, text back and still be interested? Turns out you were and that’s all he wanted to know. For him, that felt satisfying in itself! There’s no reason for him to take things further.

Like most women, you thought he must want to see you. He must want more or why even get started with a text? Sorry, you’re thinking like a woman again. Hey, I understand and thought that way too when I was dating. But that sort of thinking will cause disappointment and could lead to a broken heart if you don’t catch it fast enough.

He’s Not Afraid Like Your Friends Think

This is another classic example of how women think. He’s not afraid to see you because you rejected him. If he were testing the waters by texting, he found out you’d be interested. But, that didn’t get him to respond to your request for a drink. So nope, not afraid.

Understanding How Men Think

When it comes to understanding how men think, and especially why did he text me out of the blue, remember that men often have a simple motivation. Ask yourself this next time something like his comes up again, “Could this be a way to boost his ego?” If the answer is yes, you can still respond or participate, just don’t think there is deeper meaning.

Now on a rare occasion a man’s interest might blossom into something more. He might decide dating you is a good idea and that you could be the one. The point is don’t think he’s serious from the start.

His attraction to you is not a sign of lasting romantic interest. But if you can keep yourself in the present moment vs. forging ahead to how great the two of you could be together, then you can date him and enjoy it.

How to Avoid Disappointment

If you are reading this and are often disappointed by men, the best solution is to adopt the mindset I call “POSITIVE NEUTRALITY”. You can be optimistic about a guy, but don’t think he’s “The One” until he proves that to you over 2-3 months. After he makes a consistent effort to get to know you, stay in touch and go on weekly dates (or more) – then you can start thinking he has potential.

This is how you guard your heart while enjoying dating and avoid prematurely attachment, disappointment or a broken heart.

Thankfully in this case, you didn’t get ahead of yourself. And now you know that his texting didn’t mean anything about your future or wanting to see you again. It was just something he did in that moment to feel better or satisfy his curiosity.

If you look at understanding how men think in this way, you’ll have a much easier time dating and finding love.

Ready to find out how I found the man I married and discover the proven strategies for midlife dating so you can find love too? Click here to get a copy of my flagship guide to love after 40 that has helped so many midlife women just like you.

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Online Dating Profile Tips to Find Love Over 40

Online Dating Profile Tips

There’s a lot more to a winning online profile then you think. The written material needs to be conversational, upbeat and fun to read. Talk about what you do want in a partner and not what you don’t want. Keep it on the shorter side around 250-300 words. Be sure to include a vivid description of yourself and how you spend your time.

Don’t talk about all the things every woman says like walking on the beach, going to the movies, dining out, working out, or snuggling in front of a fire. That’s so common everyone says that! Think about what you’d do on a rainy Sunday afternoon or what things in life make you smile. Don’t be afraid to be an individual!

You don’t have much time to catch a man’s eye so put anything you think a man would find interesting first. Activities like professional sports, hiking, music, an interest in history, etc. will catch his attention.

Then take time to describe your partner. Think about who is he as a person. What does he like to do? How much energy does he have? Does he prefer indoor or outdoor activities, socializing and a healthy lifestyle? Is he kind, does he have a sense of humor, and will he be a supportive partner?

Give your profile some thought because it helps a man identify with you and want to connect or see that you’re not a match and opt out. These online dating profile tips make a big difference to help you enjoy more activity.

The Best Online Dating Photos

A picture is worth 1,000 words – that hasn’t changed. Below you’ll find an infographic with 15 of my best online dating photo tips spelled out, plus one more underneath the art. If you follow this advice for your pictures, you’ll get plenty of attention and dates!

Online dating profile tips - photos

 

I have one more tip for great online dating photos – don’t forget about your body language! Avoid folding your arms in front of you or elevating your chin, etc. And be sure to show off your best smile!

If your profile isn’t getting the attention you want from the right kind of men, call me for a Digital Dating Makeover! 1+ 203-877-3777 in the US. Outside the US, if you don’t have an international calling plan, send me an email

 

Thanks to Portia at Truly Asian Dating for this amazing infographic!

 

How To Tell If He’s Playing Me – Understanding Men

How to tell if he’s playing me – This is a common worry all single women have. There are a few telltale signs to watch out for in this post so read on!

how to tell if he's playing me“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met this guy on a dating site and have seen each other for nearly 6 weeks. Slept together fairly soon and we have both admitted to liking each other very much. We text mostly during the week and he calls at night sometimes for 2-3 hours. We talk about everything and have sleepovers at each others house every weekend.

He comes around one week night for a visit and we usually end up sleeping together. We have been to breakfast, a few lunches and a dinner date. Yet, he’s vague about how he feels about me except he likes me “too much” whatever that means in men language.

Are We Exclusive?

I sometimes feel like he is playing me because he’s sending mixed signals about what he feels and wants. Other times it seems he really does like me (he cuddles me after sex, etc.)  He hasn’t said anything more or talked about being exclusive. He hasn’t said we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m not sure if he is just scared to admit to me how he really feels.

I’m starting to fall for him yet too scared to tell him because I really like him. The sex is amazing. I’m scared he may not feel the same way and I’ll get my heart broken (by yet another man).

Another thing that bothers me is that after 6 weeks he is still active on the dating site, saying that he is just clearing messages and waiting for his current subscription to run out and he won’t renew. Well we will find out in 10 days.

What do you think? Should I just ask him straight out what we are and whether he feels more for me than just liking me “too much” or are we just sex buddies who hang out like friends before and after? I do enjoy the sex and his company but I don’t want just that. I want more and if he doesn’t want the same, I’ll be heart broken.

Thank you,
Miss Confused”

 

Dear Miss Confused,

I completely understand your angst. He seems to like you, but at six weeks most men don’t declare their intentions. Even though when you are in it – this feels like a long time, in relationship terms, it’s still early. Sometimes it takes 10-12 weeks for a man to make things clear, and yet he still might not say the “L” word.

This is why dating isn’t easy. Every woman goes through a limbo period where you just can’t know what will come of things. Dating involves risk for sure. That’s why you cannot date if you fear rejection and heartbreak – they are often part of the territory. The solution is to build your confidence and self-respect which will get you through the rough spots if they occur.

However, you can become SMARTER about knowing what to look for and recognizing the signs of a man who might not have the best intentions.

So you ask, “How to tell if he’s playing me?” I see a few signals that are cause for concern.

Ask for Exclusivity

You’ve been sleeping with this man for 6 weeks but you never talked about exclusivity? Sometimes women are afraid to bring this up thinking it’s too much to ask. It’s NOT TOO MUCH. Let me encourage you to ask BEFORE sleeping with a new guy. That way you aren’t left wondering and feeling vulnerable.

Here’s how you ask. When it’s clear he wants to have sex, you can say, “I only sleep with a man when we become exclusive.” Then he has a choice.

Naturally this isn’t really appropriate for the first few dates which is why if you want to avoid a broken heart, hold off for a while. Try waiting until date five or six. If he’s still asking you out for that many dates, the chances are better he’s more serious. Not 100%, but definitely better.

If a man doesn’t want to date you without sleeping with you, there’s your answer – he’s not serious he just wants to get laid. And if he won’t agree to exclusivity, same thing.

Since you’ve been sleeping together this long, you no longer have the same leverage. But you can still tell him you want exclusivity to move forward. Just be prepared to move on if he doesn’t say yes. No excuses or you are allowing yourself to be disrespected.

Take Profiles Down

Part of exclusivity is obviously not dating other women. So the profiles need to come down if you want to know he’s serious. This guy just wants to look until his subscription is over? That’s quite an excuse! How is that reasonable?

Either he wants to be with you r he’s still looking. It’s that simple. Yes in 10 days you will know for sure if he chooses to take it down or not. But that’s doesn’t mean you are exclusive until you discuss it and both agree. You need to hear the words spoken from his mouth – “Yes, we are exclusive.”

To ask a man about taking down profiles, here’s a script that helps you quickly discover a man’s intentions. “Men are still contacting me online and I’m not sure what to do about it.” Since you made a statement here but didn’t ask a direct question, he can feel free to be himself.

He might claim you as his by suggesting you both take down the profiles and become exclusive. Or he might ask what you want to do which of course you can respond by saying, “I’d like us to both take down out profiles.” Then see what he says. There is only one acceptable answer which is yes to taking them down and becoming exclusive.

Do not accept a 10 day window or any reasoning for not doing this, especially at 6 weeks. Will he really decide after he’s examined every other woman on the site he’s going to focus on you? I doubt it. Any reason is NOT a good sign for his long-term potential.

Likes You “Too Much”

Saying he likes you “Too Much” sort of gives you a hint that he doesn’t want to get serious. What does too much mean? It’s like saying it’s too much for the casual relationship I really want. My bet is he doesn’t want a committed relationship. He likes the easiness of how things are going with no pressure on him at all.

This isn’t such a good sign either.

Hot Chemistry Does NOT Indicate Feelings

I know this may be hard to hear, but hot chemistry is not a sign of growing feelings. This is a more primal indicator of being great sexual partners for the purpose of survival of the species, not lasting love.

Many women confuse these thinking he couldn’t possibly make them feel so incredible in bed without having the same feelings you do. Sadly that’s just not true. Some men are experts at sex without feelings or commitment. So when you ask, “How to tell if he’s playing me?” you can’t base the answer on hot chemistry.

Mixed Signals

If you are not getting clear signals about how a man feels, that means he might not be clear either or he doesn’t want what you want. Most often that’s a man who doesn’t want a committed relationship. Or he may not be emotionally available or wounded so he’s skittish. Neither one is the best scenario.

But do not fall back on a man being SHY. That is NEVER the reason a man sends mixed signals. He might prefer to be casual and he knows that’s now what you want. So he’ll hang in there as long as you allow.

Enjoying your feminine presence, emotional support and great sex, doesn’t mean he wants a loving, committed relationship. Many men (and women) are happy with a partner who is good enough for now. And the chances of this suddenly shifting into lasting love are super rare.

Mixed signals are a sign that your “dating agenda” and his are different. So pay attention when you feel this happening.

How to Tell If He’s Playing Me?

Okay, I’ve covered six areas that help you know if he’s playing you. It doesn’t look good right now. I’m not saying he’s a bad person and doing this to hurt you. I’m sure he does like you and enjoy your company. But I’m not nearly as certain he wants more.

Sounds to me like you are at the point where you might as well find out where he stands. Try the script I suggested about online dating and taking down the profiles. Or wait the 10 days I guess. But, be good to yourself, keep your dignity and don’t stick with a man who won’t agree to be exclusive or take down his profile.

Don’t Ask about His Feelings

One last piece of dating advice – don’t ask him about his feelings for you. It’s too early and this is one of the most painful question a woman can ask a man. You don’t need to hear him express his feelings really to move forward. If he agrees to see only you, that is a positive move forward. Expressing feelings takes time and you don’t want to rush him about that.

If this doesn’t go forward, next time you look for a new guy, make sure you have clear boundaries. Quality men respect a woman who knows herself an sets limits. Hold off on sleeping together for several weeks and at least 5-6 dates if you can. Let a man know you won’t sleep with him without being exclusive which does mean taking profiles down. Be true to yourself to attract a better man who wasnt the same lasting love that you want.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can Long Distance Relationships Work? Understanding Men

Can long distance relationships work? This is a big question without a simple answer. Here’s my dating advice.

can long distance relationships work“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I am chatting with a guy and we already met. He flew all the way from Canada to Lisbon and he sponsored my ticket too. After meeting his interest was not the same level anymore. He gave an excuse that he might be busy with work.

I like him but, I can’t understand how he lets the days pass without messaging me. I always initiate the conversation and throws out questions just to keep the conversation going. Sometimes I feel like giving up with this long distance thing. I don’t know what is wrong with him. He doesn’t say anything but I feel bad that he is ignoring me.

I don’t know where I went wrong too. Sometimes I feel maybe I am too honest with my feelings and giving myself away so easily. Am I just being paranoid or maybe I don’t understand men in general?

I feel that if I mattered to him, he could have found a little bit of time for me. All I need to hear from him is closure for this. But what if he is just really busy and messaging him will blow this away? Please tell me what to do Ronnie.

Longing in Lisbon”

Dear Longing,

When you meet a man you really like, hit it off and then things sort of dangle there in limbo, wow that’s hard. If he doesn’t stay in touch you are left hanging and wondering which is emotionally draining to say the least. So asking, “Can long distance relationships work?” this lack of communication makes it almost impossible.

Almost every day I get emails from women all over the world who are stressing and asking can long distance relationships work. Sometimes they’ve met and other times they’ve communicated for months or longer but haven’t met in person. This is such a huge problem for so many single women.

So to all of you suffering through a long distance relationship, here’s what I want you to think about:

1.Romantic Trips Do NOT Have Meaning

You’re communicating with a man who lives in another state or country and you decide to meet. You might both fly somewhere in between or one of you flies to the other’s location. How exciting! Meeting a stranger (even though you do know something about him) is the height of romantic adventure!

Keep in mind this is highly romantic for him too. Some men adore women and romance and really enjoy flying off to meet you. Does that mean he wants a long-term, long distance relationship? Nope, not at all. That’s an entirely different matter. Time together might have been fabulous, but there’s nothing saying he wants to see you again.

Men like romance too. They like the excitement, the adventure and the fantasy. Just don’t mistake this for a prelude to a lasting relationship.

2. Requires Two Committed People

Long-distances relationships can work when both people are equally committed. The distance matters less when you have some foundation and time together before the distance comes into play. Keeping love alive when you are out of sight is hard work.

Since you only met once, there is no commitment. He’s not committed to you, to exclusivity or to making your connection work. You barely know him having spent so little time together. And he’s already pulling away and being unresponsive. His behavior is NOT indicative of a man who is serious about you.

3. One-Sided Relationships

You’ve been doing ALL the work to keep the relationship alive. But that doesn’t seem to help. You are right – IF YOU REALLY MATTERED TO HIM, HE WOULD MAKE TIME FOR YOU. That’s your evidence he’s not committed or into you enough to do his part.

Many women have a tendency to reach out more when a man pulls away, but that is not a good strategy. The more you lean in to connect the more he backs away which is why I recommend against being the one to initiate at the start of dating. You can’t know what he’s thinking so it’s best to let a man prove himself to you. This guy is proving that he’s not the right guy or he would stay in touch.

You also asked about being too honest with your feelings. This is another place where you don’t want to be lopsided.

That’s why letting a man express his feelings first is a better strategy. This makes things go more smoothly than when a women reveals her feelings first. Give him room to lead the way. Letting him know how much you care too soon makes a man feel uneasy and pull away. When he’s sure you like him that’s not nearly as exciting as if he had to work hard to win you over.

We all want what we can’t have or what’s not easily attained. Call it human nature. I can’t say if that’s what happened here – he might just not want a relationship.

He’s Too Busy

When a man tells you he’s busy, that’s his way of saying, “Don’t expect anything from me. I’m not that interested to make time for you.” It’s like some secret code men have, thinking that will hurt your feelings less than the truth.

Other excuses from the “man code” include sudden illness, family issues, a difficult boss, problems at work, and big projects needing his attention first.

All these things are a man’s way of saying, “You are not my priority.” They are emotionally unavailable men who turn to excuses women wouldn’t consider arguing with since they sound valid. Often men try to push you away thinking you’ll get the hint and stop bothering him.

4. Your Own Unavailability

Okay, this is delicate but, I have found this to be true at times. Is there any part of you that fears a close relationship? Sometimes it’s easier to fall for a guy at a distance since he won’t take up too much of your time. He can’t crowd your style or influence your decisions. He’s too far away.

Long distance relationships can work well for two people who don’t have much time and want something real but limited. For example, two busy professionals who travel a lot.

Many times women don’t even realize they are not really emotionally available either. If you date men who are not completely available, it might be worth looking within to see if that is also true of you just in case.

Can Long Distance Relationships Work?

So in answer to the big question, “Can long distance relationships work?” my response is…sometimes. If there is a foundation, the man continues to pursue you, makes plans and visits, then he is demonstrating genuine interest.

But I’m so sorry to say in this case I don’t think so. Looks like you had a romantic fling which isn’t a bad thing at all.

Let go and look for a local man. Someone within an hour or two of where you live. Make your life easier and date geographically desirable men – its just a smart thing to do.

 

Ready to get past your confusion about men and dating? Great! Get my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means and subscribe to my newsletter too.

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Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out? Understanding Men

“Why doesn’t he ask me out?” Does that question plague your mind about a certain man? Read on to find out what is likely going on and what you can do.

why doesn't he ask me outTell Me! Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Has this happened to you?

You know a man who you see often at work, church or with a group of friends. He’s always flirty and seems interested. He might go out of his way to stop by your desk or sit besides you at a social gathering. The two of you really click and have a great time whenever you see each other.

So you wonder, (and rightly so) “Why does he ask me out? It’s just so confusing. He might even Talk about getting together or asking you out. But, he doesn’t take that step. No date ever gets set up. With some men, they might set up the date but always cancel.

Arrrgh! What the heck?!? What is going on in his mind that keeps him from following through and asking you out?

How Men Think

Well, here’s a little peak inside a man’s mind as to why this happens. You might be surprised. You might think these reasons couldn’t possibly apply to you. So let me just tell you right now – yes, they do apply. Even to you regardless of the situation or if it’s a little bit different. It doesn’t – these are the reasons why he’s following through.

Attraction Is Not Enough

First keep in mind this has NOTHING TO DO WITH ATTRACTION. Yes, he finds you attractive or he wouldn’t bother with you. But his strong attraction has nothing too do with serious romantic intent. If he wanted to date you HE WOULD. But he’s not and there are a number of reasons why that is.

I know you might feel like I”m being too harsh or lacking compassion. I do understand but I feel for you and want my readers or others who drop by for some insight into men’s behavior to know what’s going on.

8 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Ask You Out

  1. He’s Got a Woman in His Life. Yup, he is married but doesn’t wear a ring, lives with a woman or has a girlfriend. This woman doesn’t keep him from flirting his butt off, but she sure does curtail his willingness to date other women. And yes, you’d be the OTHER woman if he did.
  2. He Doesn’t Want to Date Anyone. No matter how much he flirts or how great you are together. No matter how into you he seems, he doesn’t want a relationship. That’s why he doesn’t ask you out – he doesn’t want to go on dates or get involved.
  3. He Needs an Ego Boost. When you flirt with this guy, it feels so good to him. He soaks up your flirtatious energy and his ego gets the boost he needs. Maybe he’s a bit down, or life has gotten hard, or he carves female attention. It doesn’t matter why really. He just needs the strokes to feel more confident, attractive and desirable.
  4. He Enjoys Flirting. The flirty interactions you share are great fun! It’s creative, sexy and highly entertaining. So he does it whenever he can to pass the time and feel alive. In fact, it seems like he can’t get enough. But he still won’t ask you out and he never will.
  5. He Looks Good in Front of Other Men. This is another version of the ego boost because when this man flirts, its usually for an audience. He not only wants your attention, he wants  men to see how you desire him. So, it’s all about him, and not really about you at all.
  6. He Loves the Fantasy. Flirting with you gives him plenty of fantasy fodder. He might use your encounters alone or think about you when he’s with his woman to spice things up. Yuck right? Happens ALL the time.
  7. He Knows He’s Not Your Man. Sometimes a guy knows he’s out of his league. Or you are out of his. But he still finds you incredibly attractive and loves the banter. He never acts on this connection because put simply, he knows better. It’s clear to him it would never work out.
  8. He’s Not Capable of a Relationship. Not all men want a relationship and on top of that there are those who are simply not capable. They know this so they avoid starting anything up with you.

Are there other answers for “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” Most likely. I’m sure I haven’t covered every option possible. But this is a good dose of reality for why men refuse to take that next step.

What Can You Do?

Enjoy the flirting and let it boost your ego. Have fun with it. Acknowledge the exchanges are great practice so you can flirt with other men who ARE available.

If enjoying conversations with him just makes you feel bad, then avoid him. Or tell him you no longer want to play the game. Or be more coy and just cut him off or keep the conversations short. Tell him you’ve got to get back to work.

You have many options. The only one not open to you is dating him or getting him to change his mind.

So take your pick and handle things the best you can. Then, move on as soon as possible because there are plenty more fish in the sea. Seek out a man who wants a fabulous woman like you for a lasting, loving relationship. They do exist!

 

Dating After Divorce: The Best Way to Meet Men Over 40

If you’re dating after divorce, you want to know the best way to meet men over 40. Women ask me every day and this is the dating advice I share with them.

Dating after divorce Dating after Divorce & Over 40?

Every day, women ask me what is the best way to meet men over 40. Most of them don’t want to hear my dating advice. They think that as a dating coach I must know all the hot spots around the country where the quality men gather.

Imagine if I knew exactly where to go in every single city or town across the US – I could make a fortune! Too bad this knowledge isn’t available. Maybe in the biggest cities like New York or LA, there are high-end clubs or restaurant and hotel bars where your chances are good to meet men of means.

There are other places to meet men. Guys like historical reenactments, boat and car shows, knife and coin collecting, tools, blacksmithing, motorcycles, camping, sports (professional, college and farm-league), live music, etc. And don’t forget Whole Foods is regarded as a major hot spot for meeting single men around the prepared food counter.

The difficulty is when you go to these places, you don’t know who will be there. it’s impossible to know if the men are single, heterosexual or looking for love.

Qualified vs. Unqualified Men

This why I talk about two categories of men:

  1. Qualified Men – Men who you know are single and looking even if you don’t know exactly what they are looking for – casual dating, hook ups or lasting love and marriage.
  2. Unqualified Men – Yes you know they’re men, but you don’t know if they single, looking for love or just hoping to get lucky.

The places men congregate give you access to Unqualified Men only. You can’t know who is single or straight for that matter. And you’d need to meet an incredible number of men multiple times a week to make this strategy work for you.

Now if you’re serious about finding love, the goal is to meet at least one man per week. So, if you’re a single gal over 40, how are you supposed to meet men?

Let me introduce you to the modern world of dating where the fastest way to meet men is ONLINE.

The Best Way to Meet Men over 40 Is Online Dating and the Apps

I can hear you groaning now as you read this post. You may not like it, but it’s the best tool going to meet more men quickly.

I know – you’ve TRIED online dating and the apps and got no where. You didn’t meet any decent men or they flaked and disappeared. Everyone was a scammer or all the men want younger women. I’ve heard all these reasons to avoid the dating sites.

Trouble is, this method absolutely works WHEN YOU KNOW HOW TO USE IT!

Too bad most single women pop online and do whatever they THINK will work. Or they ask girlfriends for advice, hoping to do the same thing. And that’s why you don’t really know how to meet the kind of men you want through the web.

It’s time to get over your hatred or aversion to online dating and the dating apps. There is no better way to quickly start dating. Your only other viable option is to ask your friends to fix you up on blind dates. But that is often slower than meeting men via the web.

The Solution for Dating After Divorce

If you’ve decided it’s time to get serious about finding love – good for you! Now you’ve got a real chance to find that one special guy.

Now, let me ask you a question from the bigger picture. How important is it to meet the right guy and find the love you dream of? Pretty important right? Then it’s also time to start acting like you mean it. Learn what’s involved. Find out what really works. Discover the strategies that make online dating and the apps more effective.

In my program How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online, you’ll discover everything you need to know to find love online. I’ll lead you through the process so you know how to write a good online dating profile, what to say in emails so men respond, and tips for photos that are sure to turn heads.

When you know how dating over 40 works, you’ll be more effective, you’ll waste less time on the wrong men and you’ll find love faster. That’s what you want right?

There’s nothing wrong with being single if that’s what you want. But if you prefer to share your life with an amazing man, take the time to find out what works. I’m sure you’d rather Sizzle vs. Fizzle online, enjoy dating and meet the man of your dreams.

 

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