Author Archives: Ronnie Ann Ryan

How to Get the Emotionally Unavailable Man – Understanding Men

Asking how to get the emotionally unavailable man? Let me fill you in on what to expect as I respond to this question from a frustrated reader.

emotionally unavailable manHandling the Emotionally Unavailable Man

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I was introduced to a man last year, he is 59 I’m 57. We had an instant spark and chemistry. He was living with someone, but they were estranged for 2 years and on the verge of splitting up. We quickly became friends and intimate on a few occasions over 3 months. Sadly, I let him go because of his situation and feeling like the “other woman”.

Six months later we hooked up again through a matchmaker friend of mine. Now four months later, he recently separated, sold their house and moved into his own place. We’ve been out socially and he phones/texts every day. We have feelings for each other but he’s guarded because of just coming out of a 20 year relationship. I understand, but I’m ready for a relationship having been on my own for many years.

The thing that bugs me is he is vague when it comes to making promises and doesn’t follow through. This is getting worse. I’ve given him space and not put pressure on him. But I feel he is giving more priority to socializing, singing in a band, work, and family than me. I’m down the pecking order.

What shall I do? I’m getting emotionally invested. Am I wasting my time with this man? Do I let him go and not have any contact so he can sort things out and to give him time until he is ready?

Thanks Ronnie,
Anxious in Alexandria”

Hi Anxious,

Yes You Are Wasting Your Time

When a man has been in a 20 year relationship that just ended, he most likely wants nothing to do with getting involved in another serious relationship. He was happy to spend time with you while transitioning, but doesn’t want any expectations of him about what that means.

You got involved with him at the worst time really. Men often say they are estranged, yet still living together. This is a great excuse for cheating. They weren’t split up so you were smart and let go.

Now he’s back and finally they really have separated. Except he’s been showing you he’s still not available. How? By letting you be so low in the pecking order as you put it. When you are not his priority that says something about how he feels about  you – like everything else comes first!

Is this the kind of man you deserve? One who is self-serving and puts you last? One who has been slowly pulling away? I sure hope you don’t believe that. It’s time to stop wondering how to get the emotionally unavailable man.

What’s He Doing to Show He Cares?

Giving him more space, still being patient, letting him figure things out – none of this is about how you want to be treated. Your entire perspective is about what you can do to get him. What’s he doing to get you? Nothing from what you shared.

Sadly Love Is Not Enough

Your feelings for him are not enough to hold the two of you together when he’s not doing his part. Your love for him is not enough. You need two people with close to equal desire and love to forge a healthy relationship. You are unsatisfied or you wouldn’t have written to me. So how will you take care of yourself in this situation?

Here’s the brutal truth – he is not emotionally available. He’s living his own life of freedom and isn’t making a move to change that.  Your relationship is going downhill and will continue to do so until either he stops seeing you completely or you cut him lose.

This is what the term “ghosting” means – men disappear so you stop wanting them. Most men prefer to avoid confrontation. They don’t want to feel bad about breaking your heart or aren’t even that aware. So they do things that make the woman break up or just drift away.

Stop Wondering How to Get the Emotionally Unavailable Man

The emotionally unavailable man is just that – UNAVAILABLE! Instead of wondering how letting him go will affect him, think about how that will affect you. You’ll be free to find a better man. A man who adores you and wants to spend time with you. The kind of fella who makes you one of his top priorities.

This man right now is highly self absorbed because he’s feeling his freedom. He may never want to be in relationship again. How long are you willing to wait?

I encourage you to have the self respect to move on sooner rather than later. You’ve already been patient. Realize how emotionally unavailable he really is and know it’s time to find a decent man who is relationship ready and treats you like gold.

You might want to read my post on mixed signals next or download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single

How to Not Take Dating So Seriously for Women Over 40

Wish you knew how to NOT take dating so seriously? Discover several tips to help you relax and enjoy the process more so you find love with less drama.

how to not take dating so seriouslyToo Serious about Dating?

Are you one of those women who feel nervous or intense about dating? Each date is a very big deal. You put your energy into texting and the phone call. You spend a lot of time getting ready for the first date. During all these phases you try to qualify each guy to see if he has real potential and make sure you don’t waste your time

Then when things go wrong you take it kind of hard. The disappointment tends to brings you down about dating, yourself and your prospects to find love with the right man.You become even more uncertain of ever finding love again.

Sometimes your heart gets bruised by the bumpy road of dating. You decide you need time off to recover, which makes things even harder to get started again later.

You might be surprised to hear this but these are signals you are taking dating way too seriously!

I understand how hard dating is – I won’t deny or sugar coat it. Finding love takes work. But it also can be more fun than you think is possible. Let me share a few proven strategies that will make a difference in your dating life and help you lighten up!

1.Remember It’s Just a Date!

For a successful first date, take the pressure off! You want to relax so you appear confident and at your very best which increases your appeal to men. To accomplish this I suggest you try to relax. It’s just one date and you won’t die if it doesn’t work out.

Whether the guy doesn’t ask you a single question, is a total jerk or never calls again, so what? Think  about it – you are over-valuing an hour or 90-minutes out of one day of your life! Keep this date in perspective to get through it and the next too.

A first date is nothing more than a sorting process to see if you both feel the other person is worth seeing again. That’s it. If he doesn’t want to see you again – there are plenty more men! Stop making such a big deal out of every first date – it’s exhausting makes dating too emotionally draining.

2. Give the Men Nicknames

When I was dating to find love, sometimes I was seeing up to three or four guys at a time. I followed this strategy since I never knew which man would call and ask me out again. It was hard but it was also fun!

One thing I noticed was sharing these stories with my girlfriends got really confused! At one point I was dating three men named John. No kidding. So I gave them nicknames to make them easier to identify.

One worked for the post office so his nickname was easy – The Postman. One was older than the others so I called him Old John. And the third loved to play tennis so he was Tennis Guy.

This did more than make it easy to tell stories. The nicknames helped me separate from the men  emotionally so I felt more relaxed. How could I take dating so seriously when my date was Tennis Guy? it worked for me and this strategy will work for you.

3. Date Multiple Men

Like most single women, I tended to over think the guys I met. If I was only dating one man, then all my attention went to him. This caused me to get prematurely attached to men who had not proven themselves to me as having real romantic partner potential.

That’s why dating more than one man at a time was a tremendous help! I dated any man who asked me that fit my Mr. Right Blueprint. So I went out with multiple men during a week and that prevented me from overthinking about any one guy!

Instead of fretting over when a man would ask me out again, I improved my odds of finding a compatible man by juggling several at the same time. And it sure made dating a heck of a lot more fun too.

How Not to Take Dating So Seriously – 3 Strategies to Lighten Up!

So there you have it – three powerful and proven methods that work like a charm to help you relax and lighten up about dating. When you follow this advice to keep each date in perspective, assign nicknames and date multiple men, you will be on track to find love with the right man.

Whether you are just starting to date or you’ve been dating for a while, this will shift your results and put you in a more positive place. You cannot go wrong following these three simple steps.

If’ you’ve felt frustrated, confused, at wit’s end, not knowing where to turn r how to figure this out, try my dating advice. these tips for how not to take dating so seriously will help you stay on the path to finding the love you dream of with a wonderful man who will cherish you.


Want more smart but simple dating advice like this? Download my book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single. Or get a Free Dating Discovery Session with me by phone or Skype to find out if coaching is right for you. Just fill out the application to get started.

 

How to Know If He’s a Player – Understanding Men

How to know if he’s a player matters to every single woman on the planet. If you’ve been taken in by a sweet talker find out the signs to watch for.

how to know if he's a playerSpotting a Player Is Simple When You How

You go out to mingle and meet an amazing guy. He’s handsome, well-spoken and worldly. He flatters you and makes you feel very special. You feel an incredible connection so quickly and the chemistry is off the charts. Even though you just met him, you feel like you’ve know him forever.

Most likely, you’ve met a player.

What Is a Player?

A player is a man who seems to know every hot button a woman wants to hear. Regardless of which woman, he can figure out what makes you tick and he’s soooo good at it. He’s a pro at seduction. Somehow, he seems to have read the book on women because he knows exactly how to make you fall for him in an instant.

He gains your trust easily and before you know it he has convinced you to go off with him some place more private. How romantic! You just can’t help yourself and before you know it you’ve made love and are glowing.

Too bad you’ll never see him again. He’s a player and is only interested in the conquest – then he’s off to find another unsuspecting single gal.

After, you feel hurt, used and so very sad. How could this have happened to you? Why would he do such a thing? He seemed like he really liked you. How could you be such a poor judge of character?

You curse him and then you beat yourself up for being so foolish to be taken in by the likes of him. You think he’s the scum of the earth and totally romantic at the very same time. It’s so confusing and devastatingly emotional.

Has this happened to you? I know how painful it is because I’ve been through it myself. But don’t be too hard on yourself. We all have a romance novel in our heads and sometimes we fall for it. Join the club!

The trick is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go back out there to meet new men – better more sincere guys. And of course learn how to know if he’s a player!

5 Ways to Spot a Player

Below I reveal how to know if he’s a player which you can usually figure out fairly quickly once you know the signs to watch for.

1. He’s So Into You

When a man is so into you with a matter of minutes, beware! You probably wonder why he’s so into you but it feels so good to get this attention, you push your rationale brain to the side. Soaking in the attention awakens desire that may have long been dormant.

Sit back and think about this objectively. No man can be that interested that quickly. It takes time to get to know someone. He may be incredibly attracted to you but that doesn’t mean he knows you – and you don’t know him either. Don’t fall for this player even though he’s dreamy.

2. He Opens Up to You

Maybe you meet this guy online and before you even meet, he opens up deeply and shares private details about his life. You cannot believe it! He must be into you or why would he tell you those personal things?

This player creates a deep level of trust by sharing his life. It’s seductive. When you are mesmerized, he pulls you into his web and sleeps with you. Then he disappears. Don’t be fooled by this player type who shares deeply. You need to get to know him over time just like any other man.

3. He’s So Charming

This man is a master of charm like George Clooney. He’s got a twinkle in his eye which lets you know he’s got some mischief in him. His wonderful laugh makes you feel fabulous. He looks deeply into your eyes and sees your soul. Then you are lost.

A charmer looks for women who have been deprived of attention and knows when he pays attention to you, gets close, touches you, you will melt into his hands. enjoy the charmer but hold off on sleeping with him to see how long he sticks around. Usually – not very long.

4.  He’s Got a Sad Story

A man with a sad story takes advantage of your caring nature. He knows some women are uncontrollably drawn to men who are down on their luck, especially with love troubles. maybe he had a wife who didn’t understand him or treated him poorly. He pulls on your heart strings and you can’t stop yourself from wanting to help.

But Mr. Sad Story is not your problem or your project. My advice is to let him figure out his own solutions. A man is not a lost puppy so don’t put yourself out to save him or he’ll take everything you’ve got. Even if he’s not after your money, he can drain your energy and life force from you. Stay clear of this player type.

5. He Says Your “The One”

There are men who will tell you on the very first meeting and sometimes in the email or phone call before you meet that they already know you are “The One”. He is similar to the guy who is so into you. He’ll tell you that you are the woman he’s been waiting for and hoping to meet.

The problem is this is total nonsense. No one can tell that fast and even for people who said they knew the minute they saw a woman they’d marry her – they certainly don’t say that out loud! A man only share such an emotional reaction because he knows that will bring you close and help you trust him.

Too bad he’ll break that trust quickly once he gets into your pants. If you ever find yourself amazed that something so wonderful is happening to you so quickly and are being swept off your feet – STOP! Remember if something feels too good to be true, it usually is.

Players Come in All Ages

Yes there are players in their 20’s and 60s. Don’t think for one minute that older men wouldn’t be bother with such hi-jinx. Or yes they will if they want to get you into bed. Age is not relevant when it comes to players. The little blue pill (Viagra) has made this all possible.

How to Know If He’s a Player

So those are five of my best clues to spot a player quickly. Most of the signs boil down to not falling for a man in a night or two just because he’s playing these games with your head. Know that if he’s sincere, he’ll wait to sleep with you. Hold off and get to know him over time. That’s the bet way to guard your heart and keep yourself safe from players.

 

Ready for more savvy dating advice for women? Get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes That Keep You Single

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Should I Start the Conversation with Him? Understanding Men

Should I start the conversation with him? Absolutely! Here’s the best way to get things started with a guy you want to meet.

should-I-start-the-conversationIt’s Time for You to Start the Conversation!

I’m not a fan of women taking over a man’s role to pursue. for the most part, quality men don’t like to be chased by women. Instead most decent guys prefer to do the chasing themselves and take the lead to get a relationship started.

However, something has changed for a good chunk of quality men today. Like many single women, they’ve been beaten down by more than their fair share of rejection on the dating sites. Not all women are nice like you are.

Surprisingly, as a result, some quality men are now a little gun shy about dating and want to feel more certain you’ll be open to them before they approach.

Is that confusing? Don’t chase men but they aren’t as brave as they used to be at getting the ball rolling.  Don’t worry if that sounds like a contradiction because I’ll explain how to work around this new breed of men.

1. Be Warm and Friendly

Single women who have the best results on any singles scene are warm and friendly. They don’t hang back waiting for men to approach them. These women know the answer is definitely “YES” to the question, “Should I start the conversation with him?”

Take charge of meeting men so you can improve your chances of finding the right one. This is not about being aggressive. Instead, this strategy encourages you to make it easy for men to get to know you by letting them see you are open to them. When you start the conversation, you remove the dread of immediate rejection.

Single men can be a lot more sensitive than you’d expect today. Feelings of isolation and rejection are not something just women deal with any more. Both genders get their fair share of these unpleasant emotional states. And this is the biggest reason why being warm and friendly works today when your goal is to find love.

2. Pour on the Feminine Charm

When you rely on your feminine charm, either online, the dating apps or in person, you are more likely to connect with men. Why?

Here’s some insight into understanding men. When you come from your feminine power, you are sure to perk up a man’s masculinity. That makes him feel good, virile, and attractive. It sparks desire and his innate ability to take action.

Remember, men are people too – so he’s probably sitting over there thinking, “Should I start the conversation?” wishing you’d make it easy for him. Today that is often how a man begins the chase – after getting a little positive feedback from you.

Men choose women who make them feel good and are fun and easy to be with. Your feminine charm easily puts you into that category versus other women who are too busy qualifying men as potential partners. Your best bet is to relax and enjoy men – it’s very enticing!

3. Hospitality Is the Key

Let me make this really simple. When was the last time you hosted a party? When guests arrived, did you take their coats and ask what they wanted to drink? Did you make the drink or hand them the beer or wine? Did you introduce them to others so they could feel comfortable and talk to others?

These are the mainstays of hospitality. To welcome your guests warmly into your home. To take care of their needs by putting the coat away and getting them a beverage. And be ensuring a good time by introducing them to someone else to start a conversation easily.

All of these actions help your guest feel super comfortable, wanted and appreciated. They’ll feel special and cared for and at home. Pretty nice when well done. This is how you want single men to feel around you!

Welcome Men into Your Life

Are you catching on to what this dating strategy is all about? You want to welcome men into your life and you’ll be a hit with quality men. Now I realize you might not want to date lots of men, you just want to find the one right guy. However, the only way to find that one guy is to date plenty of men!

Dating is a numbers game and there is just no way around that fact. Which is even more reason to be hospitable and welcoming to quality men. The warmer you are and easy to appraoch, the more quality men will engage with you. That’s how you’ll find the right one for you!

Which Man Would You Rather Get to Know?

Man A wants to know why you are still single, what caused your divorce or if your debt/asset ratio will add to his own wealth.

Man B makes you laugh, pays you a compliment, feels comfortable in his own skin and is great at conversation.

My bet is you chose Man B – who wouldn’t? Well the same thing applies to you honey. The more relaxed, confident and fun you are to be with, the more attractive you become. Yes, it really is this simple.

Can you give it a shot? Are you willing to drop your usual investigative techniques designed to assess him as quickly as possible and replace it with feminine charm? Can you see yourself being friendly and starting a conversation to make a man feel welcome in your world? If you do these things, you will be well rewarded by meeting more quality men and improve your chances of finding one you click with.

Should I Start the Conversation with Him? Hell Yeah!

So if you’re still wondering, “Should I start the conversation with him?” the answer is a resounding, “YES!” Do NOT hesitate when you see a man you’d like to meet. GO FOR IT GIRLFRIEND!

Quick Openers in Person

  1. Have a sense of humor? Use it!
  2. Ask a man for help with something simple – get the bartenders attention, help you reach something, get directions, etc.
  3. Ask how his day or evening is going
  4. Share one compliment – That tie brings out your eyes; I love a man in a pink shirt; What a great watch!
  5. Comment on the weather if you’re outside – “What a beautiful day!”
  6. Talk about the music playing, “This band is on fire – what do you think?”
  7. Chime in about the sports game on TV in the bar
  8. Ask how he knows the host of the party
  9. Flirty moves will also work, so make sure you smile and have eye contact too!

Any of these simple, no brainer ice breakers will get the conversation started and you engaging with quality men everywhere you go. Go for it with gusto and have fun out there!

For more conversation tips check out this post. And if you want more about understanding men, get y free book about His Mixed Signals are So Confusing!

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Why Won’t He Ask Me Out? He Just Wants to Skype

This woman asked, “Why won’t he ask me out?” She can’t understand why he’ll Skype but won’t meet her. Find out what’s going on and get help with understanding men.

Please Tell Me Why Won’t He Ask Me Out?

why won't he ask me out“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy on a dating website two months ago. We spoke on Skype for 3-4 days since he was out of country at the time and it was clear we have a lot of things in common. He asked me out on a date at karaoke but the day before the date we had an argument and I blocked him.

A month later he messaged me on the same dating website (I had a new account), asking me about how I am etc. We spoke again and since then we have been talking for over 3 weeks on a daily basis. He is rather busy, but I don’t believe in all this time he couldn’t find few hours to meet me.

Yesterday, he made some vague plans to meet over the weekend but nothing happened. So I told him that I don’t understand his behavior and we had a fight. I mean, he prefers to be at home on Skype for hours with me, instead of meeting me somewhere in person. What’s his deal?

Thanks for your help,
All Skyped Out”

 

Hi All Skyped Out,

The point of meeting men online and then dating is to separate the pretenders from the genuine prospects to find the right man for a lasting relationship. I see a number of things that should have caused you to disqualify this man as having real potential.

Reason #1 to Disqualify – Won’t Meet You
Given that objective, think about your experience with Mr. Skype. What have you learned from his behavior so far? He rather Skype from home than go on a live date with you in person. Is that the kind of man you want a relationship with? No way!

You want a man who wants to spend quality time with you – going places, seeing things, having dinner, listening to music, hiking or walking, dancing or snuggling in front of the TV. You are looking to enrich your life with romance, not spend time on the phone or computer Skyping.

Reason #2 to Disqualify – Fighting
I’m not sure what happened before that first date that caused a fight, but I would think that would also disqualify Mr. Skype. Do you want to date a man you fought with and blocked before you even met? That doesn’t make any sense to me.

Reason #3 to Disqualify – Won’t Make Time for You
I can’t help but think he would have cancelled your first date if you DIDN”T have that fight. He doesn’t really want to  meet you or he absolutely would have found time in two months. How ridiculous! Men who don’t have time to meet you are playing a game and wasting your time.

When a man is genuinely interested, he wants to meet you usually within seven days. Next time some guy wants to Skype, text or chat longer than seven days without meeting on a real date, don’t allow it. Suggest you meet to see if you click. If he has excuses, block him and move on.

Reason #4 to Disqualify – Vague Plans
When a man makes vague plans with you, he’s leading you on. He might be waiting to see what his best options are or he’s hoping to keep you interested by stringing you along. Either way, he’s again showing you he’s NOT Mr. Right.

A man who is genuinely interested, makes real plans with a day, time and place all spelled out. He makes an effort because he WANTS TO SEE YOU.

Reason #5 to Disqualify – Out of the Country
I have no tolerance for lying. I don’t really believe this man was “Out of the country” when he first contacted you. Why was he looking on dating sites while away from home? Sounds fishy to me.

Most people get online when home, not when away. My bet is he doesn’t live near you at all and so that’s another reason why he hasn’t met you in two months. Maybe he lives out of the country.

I advise all my clients not to bother with long-distance men – from far away states in the USA or other countries. Mostly these are men who are not truly available – they just want an ego boost by keeping you interested. They have no plans to ever enter a true loving relationship.

Even if they bare their souls and share intimate details about their lives, that still doesn’t mean they want a complete or real relationship.

Lastly, there are a lot of scammers pretending to be on business trips or in the US military and giving all sorts of reasons why they can’t talk on the phone or see you. Don’t even get started with a man who has limitations. Most of the time, they just want pen pals or emotional support, but some will want money. Be wary of this!

Why Won’t He Ask We Out? – The Real Reason

So what’s really going on here is this man is stringing you along. And you, having hope and trying to be positive, have fallen for his nonsense. When you get frustrated about trying to meet a man – that’s your single biggest red flag – DON’T BOTHER!

It’s time to dump him and move on. He’s clearly not available, might be married, might live far away, might not want or be capable of a relationship. Walk away, block him again on your phone and don’t be tempted by future contact from him.

There are better men, real men who want to meet a great woman like yourself. The more men you meet, the better your chances of finding a good man and the right man for you. He’s out there so make yourself available.

Wishing you Love,

why won't he ask me out

 

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How Long Should I Wait for Him to Ask Me Out Again?

“How long should I wait for him to ask me out again?” is a common lament from single women everywhere. If you’ve been asking this question too, check out this post.

Are You Tired of Waiting for a Second Date?

How long should I wait for him“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy on a seemingly more relationship-centric site. We emailed a bit and then exchanged numbers. He texted me on Monday and asked when we could get together. Unfortunately, he was out of town the upcoming weekend but said we’ll be in touch later that week to set a day and time. He texted when he got back in town (almost a week later but did what he said he’d do) and we decided to go out on the upcoming week.

The date was actually pretty great. He was a gentleman and asked me midway through the date if I wanted to hang out again. I said definitely. He has plans both days this weekend and suggested getting together next week but I’m heading out of town for 10 days on Thursday, and I won’t be back until the middle of May.

At the end of the date, he gave me a kiss and then texted to say he had a great time and to see if I got home safely. He again mentioned seeing each other again but set no firm plans. He hasn’t texted since then.

I recognize it’s only been two days but in my mind if he was really interested, he would try and hang out with me before I leave. Is that an unrealistic expectation? What’s the appropriate number of days I should give him to text before writing it off as uninterested?

Thanks for the advice!”
Waiting in Wisconsin

 

Dear Waiting,

I’m going to answer each question in order and address somethings you didn’t even ask.

Relationship-Centric Dating Sites Are Hype

When you talk about a relationship-centric site, I’m going to point out that most women care a lot more about that then men. Some men might be more relationship ready. Others might join because they think it will be easier to get dates. But don’t think for one minute that kind of site automatically attracts men who are relationship-ready any more than other sites. It’s just hype.

Tips for Setting a Date

When a man asks you out and you aren’t free to see him, always provide an alternative time right then in the conversation. That way you don’t need to wait for him to suggest something. In this case – you won’t be free for several weeks down the road. That can be a problem, because he could lose interest, but there’s nothing much you can do about it.

You wanted to see him before you went away. Once he asked to see you again you could have suggested getting together by saying, “I’m leaving for a trip Saturday, but I do have time Thursday and Friday.” That makes it clear so he knows you want to see him and when you are free.

He’s Seeing Other Women

Keep in mind you just met him and he’s likely seeing other women. That’s probably why he’s booked for the upcoming weekend. He might not have time when you are available. This is one of the struggles of modern dating when everyone is traveling.

With only one date, he might not jump to see you again as quickly as you would like. Being realistic, it’s way too early to know that.

There’s a Shelf Life on His Interest

As I eluded to above, there is a shelf life on a man’s interest. Like a limited time offer. This is a fact and there is nothing anyone can do about it. When people travel that can permanently throw off the timing and squash the dating window of opportunity for two people.

Timing Is Everything

When neither of you can schedule a date, it’s very disappointing and frustrating as well. I recommend relying on this basic truth:  He must not have been the right man or the timing would have been worked out. Using this fatalistic approach makes it easier to deal with such disappointments when they occur. Think of it as “fate” that your timing was off.

On occasion things can still work out with a guy when your travel schedules were off to begin with, but it’s pretty rare. If you’re not available when he’s in town, he can easily find another woman who is. He’s not being thoughtless, fickle or mean – it’s just a matter of supply and demand.

Handling Difficult Schedules

For this reason, I remind women to suggest an alternate meeting time during the conversation so you don’t have to wait for him to ask again another time. Just set it up while you are already discussing options. This is the best way to work around difficult schedules.

How Long Should I Wait for Him to Ask Me Out Again?

Next, you asked, “How long should I wait for him to ask me out before I write him off?” As you said, it’s only been two days. Since you’ve only had one date it might take as many as seven days and this would still be in the ball park for a decent man to respond.

After seven days his stocks goes down for sure because he’s likely not interested enough to be serious about getting to know you.

I think you should wait a few more days before you write him off. This is a place when you can give a man the benefit of the doubt.

I often tell my clients not to be too generous with the benefit of the doubt. Many women over do it hoping some day the guy will come around and become the man they dream of. That NEVER happens.

In the mean time, why not meet a few other men to keep your options open? That is the best dating strategy there is to find love with the right man for you.

Wishing You Love,

how long should I wait for him

 

If you want to learn more about understanding men and mixed signals, get my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means and my newsletter filled with helpful and empowering tips for women

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Can I Let Go of Him? I Can’t Seem to Move On

The question, “How can I let go of him?” plagues many single women. You know the relationship isn’t good, but you can’t seem to move on. Here’s what you can do.

how can I let go of himIs It Time to Let Go of Him?

At the beginning, the two of you were so good together. You laughed and had fun or could sit side by side quietly and feel comfortable. Your future looked bright and you were so happy. You had such high hopes. What happened?

Maybe he started pulling away in any of these ways:

  • He got really busy at work
  • He stopped calling as often
  • He canceled more often
  • He texted less
  • He put off seeing you into the future
  • He’s been sick a lot

All of these reasons can drive a wedge between you and your man. And many times they are nothing but excuses to create distance. It feels like you’re riding a bike downhill with no brakes. Or being sucked into some downward vortex you can’t explain.

When your relationships shifts like this its so hard to understand. So you do what you know how to do which is hold on for dear life with every fiber of your being. But does that solution work?

Here’s What Doesn’t Work

Women are often tempted to dig deeper to figure out what has changed. You might do any of the following and there are many other similar options:

  • Ask your man what is wrong again and again even if he says nothing
  • Snoop into his phone or other devices looking for anything to explain the shift
  • Be extra nice and over-give so he can’t help but love you
  • Demand that he pay attention to you and spend more time together
  • Talk to his friends and family to gain insights about what is happening

What Can You Do to Make Things Better?

Sometimes the very best thing you can do is to recognize something is not right. Then ask yourself, “How do I want to be treated and how do I want my relationship to be?” This bottom-line question can help you start the process of letting go. Ultimately every woman deserves to be treated well.

If something is bothering your man, he should be able to talk to you about it. So, if he’s not telling you what’s going on, he’s not including you in his life which is always a troubling sign. Good communication is essential to maintain any healthy relationship.

When a man pulls away, for any reason, the very best course of action is for you to pull away too. Give him the space he needs to figure things out on his own. Otherwise you could actually make things worse while trying to make it better.

1.For example, when you ask him multiple times to tell you what is wrong or going on and he doesn’t say anything, that just gets on his nerves and makes him pull away more.

2. If you snoop in his phone, you may find something but you’ve also intruded on his privacy which won’t create more trust.

3. When you try to be super nice and over-give, that too can make a man pull back further. He knows he doesn’t deserve this treatment and you might experience his backlash as he tries to push you away.

4. Some women take the demanding route, explaining how they need to be treated better and expect more time together. If he’s already pulling away, demands will never bring him closer.

5. Asking his friend or family for insights may give you some understanding, but if he’s not willing to talk things through with you, that doesn’t bode well for your relationship.

How Do You Know When It’s Over?

Preserving your self esteem and dignity are your primary objective. If your relationship diminishes your self esteem, that’s how you know it’s no longer serving your best interests. A woman who knows her worth doesn’t let her relationship drag her down or her man treat her poorly just hoping to hold on so she’s not alone.

I realize this sounds incredibly rational and not considerate of the intense feelings surrounding a waning relationship. But your feelings for him can cloud your objectivity and keep you locked into a situation that is not healthy for you.

Love Is Not Enough

Hard as this sounds, love is not always enough. Mutual respect is a vital part of any relationship. If he doesn’t respect you or treat you well, how is he really adding to your life?

Women often hold onto a man longer than they know they should because they fear being alone or not being able to find a new or better man. But is this really a reason to stay with him? When a man is not fulfilling his side of the relationship, staying will not improve things. And you could end up feeling much worse.

So How Can I Let Go of Him?

Even though this could be the hardest thing you ever did, pulling away from him frees up your energy and opens new possibilities in your life. Being free of a relationship that drains you will lighten your energy and allow you to connect with options that can bring in joy.

To let go, try any of these methods:

1.Stop Calling and Texting Him
When you stop communicating, see what he does. Does he call to find out what happened? Giving a man space can make him realize he misses you and that he better get reconnected if he wants you to stick around.

2. Distract Yourself
Learning to distract yourself is very powerful. This is a great time to start that project you’ve been putting off. Or begin a new exercise program. Or pour yourself into a creative project. Call your girlfriends and go out. See a movie or organize your home. Keeping busy helps you stay strong and not think so much about him.

3. No Man IS Better than the Wrong Man
It’s actually healthier to be single and focus on enjoying your life than wasting time with the wrong man and feeling miserable. Give yourself a chance to meet a better man by freeing your heart. Break up with him and then take time to heal and get clear on what you want in a man and what you will no longer put up with. After, you can start dating again to find a man who wants to be with you in the same way you want to be with him.

4. Decide Your Happiness is More Important Than His
Seriously what is more important – your happiness or his? Hopefully you can answer that you are more important because that is the truth. If you are terribly unhappy with the man you are in relationship with, it’s time to let go and move on. Your happiness and your life are at stake.

5. Make a List of Why You Need to Leave Him
Sometimes people rethink all the good times and conveniently forget the distress the relationship caused. That’s why writing a list of the problems and keeping it handy will prevent you from glorify him or putting him on a pedestal. Yes you had good times but they are in the past now. Those times are gone.

6. Read the Book Women Who Love Too Much
This is an empowering book that explains how love can be an addiction and how to beat it. There are times when some women feel they can’t help themselves but this book will make a difference and give you the tools to help you get and stay strong.

7. Seek Counseling
When all else fails, get the help you need. You might not even want to wait until you have broken up. Emotional support can help you grow strong and do what is for your best interest. A good therapist will share insights and strategies to help you take the steps that will begin the healing process.

I know it seems like the end of the world to break up with the man you love. You’ve probably been thinking for weeks or even months “How can I let go of him?”

Everyone goes through this at some point. And you will recover. It might not be easy, but leaving a bad relationship is a sound decision that ultimately builds your self esteem and makes you stronger. It’s the first step back to finding yourself and happiness again.

I’m rooting for you! Take good care of yourself – there’s only one you.

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What Do His Mixed Signals Mean? Understanding Men

Wondering what do his mixed signals mean? You’re not alone! Sometimes a man’s behavior is confusing. Let me radically simplify understanding men for you as I answer this reader’s question.

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

This is a complex situation. I went on a date with a guy whom I found really unattractive. But he has a great personality!  So I let him down very nicely and suggested we be friends.

Since then we have been talking on the phone every day.  I started thinking differently about him. I got to the point when I realized maybe I could live with the looks.

He suggested going on vacation together. I said OK but I would like to meet him for dinner a few times first. I had hoped to hint then that I might have changed my mind. He avoided meeting.

Then in last message he shocked me my talking about a good date he just had! He said they went for dinner and it was delightful. Then he had the nerve to switch gears and talk about our vacation again!

I was so angry, I texted back “Why don’t you go on vacation with HER”. Since then it’s been total silence. Do you think he was he trying to make me jealous? Should I cut my losses and stop communicating with him? I’m so confused about what to do.

Please Advise,
Candi from Concord”

Dear Candi,

You are right – this is complicated!

First, I applaud you for working at being open to his looks and taking time to discover he has other good qualities that would be good in a romantic partner. Very open minded of you! Sometimes attraction can grow, although not always. But taking a shot at it was admirable for sure.

What Do His Mixed Signals Mean?

Second, I agree with you – he is sending mixed signals about what he wants. Why would he tell you about dates with another woman and then follow that up with talk about a vacation with you? That makes no sense at all. If you have to ask, “What do his mixed signals mean?” that doesn’t bode well for a potential relationship.

I also agree that before going on vacation, you need to have several dates. You have to know someone before you take a trip with him. Spending 24 hours a day with someone you don’t know isn’t smart. You won’t know how he’ll be in person.

Phone Calls and Texts Are Not Enough

Phone conversations are not enough to really know a person before traveling with him. Plus, think about this – often a weekend trip is a right of passage. That usually happens after two to three months of dating and is a sign the man is feeling more serious about you. You are nowhere near that point.

You were wise to suggest this as a next step. Getting to know him in person is vital before taking a trip. Yet he avoided this? That makes no sense and is suspicious if you ask me.

How Can You Clear Up this Confusion?

You might be tempted to ask him directly what he”s up to. You could ask him what his intentions are towards you. However, even if you asked him these questions directly, I doubt you’d get an honest answer. That’s one thing I know about understanding men – being direct usually doesn’t work.

He would probably be evasive or change the subject. He might make up something and tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Some men are really good at this technique.

Most likely he would stop calling because he got caught at his game. Luckily you pushed him away by suggesting he take the other woman on vacation. Smart move! That shows you value yourself and have held on to your dignity.

Is He Playing Games with You?

It seems to me that he is playing games although I don’t know if he’s trying to make you jealous. When a man plays games, I never try to figure out what it’s about. I just tell my clients to, “Walk away”. For this reason I recommend not wasting time asking him anything. Why bother?

Instead, the simplest, smartest thing to do is move on. Something is not right and that automatically makes him the wrong man for you.

My dating advice for this situation is to stop communicating right away, block him and move on. Blocking him keeps you from getting sucked back in and giving him the benefit of the doubt. He doesn’t deserve it.

Signals of a Man Who Is Genuinely Interested

You want a man who wants to spend time with you, not just text or talk on the phone. I tell my private clients not to waste time with men who don’t ask you out and go on weekly dates. The smart thing to do is establish a “No Excuses” policy for yourself. A man might have a business trip or a vacation so you can give a him a one-time pass, but no second chances if he goes beyond a week without seeing you again.

Know Your Value as a Woman

A confident woman who knows her value doesn’t get caught up in wondering “what do his mixed signals mean?” She simply moves on knowing better men are out there. She doesn’t put up with substandard treatment, nonsense and excuses because she knows she is worthy of a better man. They are definitely available and out there to meet!

Men Who Are Relationship Ready Will Not Confuse You

Good men, for the most part, are not likely to be confusing. Because of their own clarity, they are more consistent in pursuing a woman they like. They keep promises, make plans, call and want to see you. That is normal behavior for men who are relationship ready.

When a good man sees a woman he’s truly interested in getting to know, he’ll move heaven and earth to spend time with her. He’ll want to schedule time with and hear the sound of her voice. He’ll want to see her and kiss her. He’ll make time to be with her no matter how busy he is.

You Are on the Right Track!

The good news here is you were willing to be open to see who the man really was and noticed some good qualities. Even though he’s not the one, if you are open like this when you meet new men, you will find a good match. You are on the right track!

Wishing you love,

dating a separated man

 

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How to Open Your Heart to Love with Mindfulness

Ready to open your heart to love but now sure how? Try these simple mindfulness practices to get things started and allow your love energy to flow.

Open Heart to LoveWhether or not you are hoping to find love, opening your heart can change your life in many positive ways. Take a moment right now to think what it means to be open. When you are open you will:

Meet new people
Feel more confident
Make new friends
Attract new opportunities
Seem more attractive and noticeable to others
Be more spontaneous
Feel more creative
And so much more!

With an open heart your approach to life will be softer and far more enjoyable. You’ll probably feel more relaxed, worry less and have a lot more fun.

Sound good? Seriously who wouldn’t want these amazing benefits, especially if it were easy to achieve?

There are a number of “mindfulness practices” that can make this your reality. Simple exercises can change how you are feeling in the moment, open your heart to love and the world.

What is “Mindfulness”?

According to Google, mindfulness is a state of being conscious or aware of something. It’s also a therapeutic technique that provides a calm mental state arrived at by focusing your awareness on the present moment including your thoughts, feelings and body. Ahhh, now we are getting somewhere!

My favorite new podcasts is called Your Great Journey. These podcasts share tips and suggestions from a variety of self-improvement audio books. One in particular addresses opening your heart through mindfulness.  it starts with simply being kinder to yourself – something I talk about often.

Most people are not so nice to themselves. Their normal inner chatter is berating and down right mean. Their thoughts are filled with comments such as, “Your so stupid,” “Who would be friends with you?” or “That’s never going to happen”. Most people would never say these things that they say to themselves internally.

As a result, these nasty thoughts eat away at your confidence and self esteem. So naturally your heart might not be as open as it could be!

open your heart to love

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction helps You to Open Your Heart to Love

The podcast  shares easy tips that can get you on the road to opening your heart. If you could feel more self assured and joyful with these simple practices, attract love and make new friends, its well worth a listen! Just 8 minutes could change everything.

Discover how to open your heart, be kinder to yourself and improve your life with Your Great Journey’s podcasts. I never miss one!

 

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If He Keeps Texting Me Does He Like Me? Understanding Men

You ask yourself, “If he keeps texting me does he like me?” Here’s the answer if you’re ready for the truth and want help with understanding men.

if he keeps texting me does he like meDoes His Texting Mean Anything?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met this guy online two months ago. The 1st month we texted and talked on the phone all day everyday! He was very flirty, started conversations and called me. He always said, “if I was there in person….” After a few weeks I suggested we meet in person. He said he liked that idea, but we live  7 hours apart. So we have not met yet.

After a month his texts began to border on sexual and I flirted back. Next thing his texts went over the edge for a  week. Then he became distant and 4 or 5 days would go by without hearing from him. So I’d text him.

At this point, I was very clear that I wasn’t into sexting and said we couldn’t continue this way. He said he respected that and was feeling the same way which is why he became distant. He apologized to me.

After a week of strained conversation I again suggested we  meet in person. This time he said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He was still interested in talking/getting to know me but wanted a clean friendship and then to see where things might lead later.

Since then we continued to text daily, but he was no longer flirty even in a clean way. During the 1st month we would text all day long and he’d call me as soon as he got off work. Some times we’d stay up talking til midnight.

Now He never initiates the conversations.  He usually responds to messages I send him quickly. i have attempted to talk on the phone but he always busy.  I have asked him several times if anything is wrong and he says we’re good.

I’m so confused. I feel like an after thought and he’s not pursuing me at all. When I ask him if he’s still interested he says yes I want to get to know you. But his day to day actions say otherwise.

I really like this guy a lot. If he keeps texting me, does he like me? Do I need to just be patient and give him time to figure out what he wants … or should I close the door and move on?

Please help!
Missing Him”

Dear Missing,

Wow there is a lot to talk about here!

First this guy was hot and heavy and you texted and talked all the time. He didn’t agree to meet because you live too far apart but shifted into sexting. You put a stop to that and asked to meet again. He said no and became distant. There are many clues about what he wants which I’ll point below.

Clue #1 – He Didn’t Agree to Meet

When it comes to understanding men, this guy took his time showing his true nature. When you asked to meet him and he didn’t jump at the chance. That let’s you know he’s not serious no matter how much time he texts or talks on the phone. He wanted a virtual relationship – a fantasy, not anything real.

Think about it this way – if he were as into you as you were into him, why wouldn’t he want to meet? Men who do this are often married, in a relationship or aren’t capable of a relationship, so they text or talk on the phone instead.

Clue #2 – He Started Sexting

This is what he was really after – sexual fantasy. But you balked and told him no way. Good for you! Boundaries are essential in dating so you did the right thing. Next time, you can get there even faster rather than waiting till a man goes over edge. Feel free to cut it off just at the start.

Clue #3 – He Withdrew and Stopped Initiating

After you set up the no sexting rule, he withdrew and days went by with no communication. In addition, while he does respond to your texts, he no longer initiates at all. That’s your clue things are over.

Here’s what you want to get clear about – he wanted to sext with you and once you put the kibosh on that, he was done. Now he’s too busy to even talk on the phone!

Clue #4 – He Wants to Get to Know You But Not Meet You

I encourage you to question a man’s integrity when he says something like this, “I want to get to know you and text but not meet you”. How does that make any sense?

The only point of getting to know a man (with long-term relationship and love in mind) is to date him and see if he has potential for a long-term relationship. So, don’t fall for this kind of nonsense. No dates means he doesn’t want a relationship. No excuses work here.

What the heck is a clean friendship? Did you want to be his friend? That’s ridiculous.

Why Do Men String Women Along With Texting?

Let’s face it, you were both having fun! All that communication provided fertile ground for fantasy. Sexting is perfect for creating fantasy. A lot of men doing this are married, living with a woman or in a relationship. They do this thinking they aren’t “really” cheating. I disagree with that concept.

When You Ask Directly, Men Will Not Tell You It’s Over

Even though this guy was up to no good in terms of offering you long-term love, he still doesn’t want to be the bad guy. Instead, he withdrew hoping you’d move on. Men don’t come out and tell a woman go away even when you ask directly, “Are you still interested?” He didn’t want to hurt your feelings – he just wanted you for his fantasy. Of course that’s confusing, but it’s the truth.

He’s Also Your Fantasy

You say that you really like him, but you can’t know him without meeting him face-to-face and spending time together. You haven’t caught on to who he really is. He’s not at all interested in an actual relationship with you. Otherwise he would have made an effort to meet you.

This guy gave you a lame excuse about distance. Here’s the clincher –  chances are a million to one that any long-distance guy is serious about meeting you. Unfortunately your desire for romance took over here and you got swept up in the fantasy.

A man who is genuinely interested does what it takes to win you over. They aren’t too busy or too far away. This is why I advise my clients and readers not to bother with long-distance men. Hit delete! There are a lot of out-of-state men who will try g BECAUSE it’s long distance which is perfect for excuses and fantasy. They have no intention of ever meeting you.

If He Keeps Texting Me Does He Like Me?

Many women fall into texting and create a connection, allowing feelings to grow. But his texting, emailing and calling mean absolutely nothing without face-to-face, live dates.

Experts call this “The Texting Trap” because it’s such a common mistake. Here are two posts about how texting means nothing and when to stop texting a man.

Your Next Step

You asked if you should be more patient? No way! A man like this deserves no additional patience. He wants to fantasize and waste your time.

The very best thing you can do if you want a serious relationship is to stop texting this guy immediately and block him. He is nothing but a distraction for your goal of true love.

The next time you find yourself asking, “If he keeps texting me does he like me?” that’s your signal you’ve been texting for too long and it’s time to move on.

If you are serious about finding love, meet new men who are local. Don’t text with any of them for more than seven days. If you go on a date, then you can text a bit more. However, if there’s no second date within seven more days, stop texting again. Pull back and let the man pursue you. If he doesn’t, then you know he’s not the man for you.

Remember, men need to earn the right to take up your time. Texting for fantasy takes up a tremendous amount of time and emotional band width that will keep you from finding true love.

 

If you want more insights into understanding men and how to spot the guys who will waste your time, check out my Amazon Bestseller Is He The One? It’s packed with tips to spot Mr. Wrong super fast and only $3.99 US for the Kindle edition (also available as an audio book).

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9 Reasons to Stop Texting Him Now

When should you stop texting him? If you text a lot with men, but it doesn’t go anywhere, here are 9 reasons to stop now before you waste more time. This is particularly true if you are seeking a long-term relationship.

What’s with all this Texting?

You meet a guy online and after a few exchanges within the site you move to texting. At first it was fun and even exciting.  For some texting offers a fun way to communicate. Perhaps you have a good sense of humor or are quick witted. Then texting can be a blast.

Will Texting Lead to Dates?

Of course you will need to text a bit at the start with any man. Most men want to text before talking on the phone. However, texting with men for any period of time can actually be a distraction and a huge time waster. Women get in the habit of texting with a man and before you know it feel a connection that they hate to let go of. They don’t want to stop texting him.

That’s exactly what I mean by a distraction – because you can fall into the illusion that you started a relationship even if you’ve never met. As a result, you might not push yourself to continue meeting other men who could be more viable.

So you settle in with a man you have a virtual relationship with that can sometimes drag on for months without a single date or maybe just a few. Yes, unfortunately this happens all the time!

How Can You Avoid Texting that Goes Nowhere?

You have to be willing to think long-term. It might not be easy to stop texting him when you’re having fun even if you don’t see each other. But that’s exactly what you need to do.

If you want to go on dates, you’ve got to kick the “texting only guys” to the curb. You can’t let yourself settle for a texting buddy hoping something more will eventually happen. It just doesn’t work that way no matter how long you hang on and remain hopeful.

Follow these guidelines below about when to stop texting him. These men are what I call “dead-enders” because they aren’t serious about building a long-term loving relationship with you, even if they text for months.

9 Reasons to Stop Texting Him Now!

1.He Gives You One-Word Answers. If a man is not holding up his end of the conversation at the start of things, it sure won’t get better. If you don’t want to do all the work, don’t keep texting a man who doesn’t even try to have a decent conversation. Spot the lazy guy and move on quickly.

2. He Didn’t Answer Your Last Text. Having a conversation takes effort. If he didn’t respond to your last text, why keep trying? NO ANSWER IS AN ANSWER and shows his lack of interest so stop texting him and move on.

3. You Always Initiate. You want to be with a man who is interested in you and pursues you. That means he contacts you first. The woman who always texts first is chasing the guy which does not work. He won’t get invested in winning you over if he doesn’t have to do anything.

4. You Haven’t Been in Touch. It’s been over two weeks since he last contacted you and he has this on and off habit. That’s your signal he’s NOT serious about you. Don’t bother texting with a man who is so unreliable.

5. You Don’t Talk on the Phone or Date. Texting is perfect when you first meet online to get a conversation going. It’s also a great supplementary form of communication once you are into the relationship. Or a way to tell someone you’re late or check in briefly. However, if texting is all you do with this guy, STOP texting him. You are letting him waste your time.

6. He Texts Late at Night. This is usually a texting  booty call. another possibility is that he’s bored and filling time. Or he wants someone to fantasize with. None of these are reasons to invest any further because he’s not doing anything to win you over. Do not accept his relationship crumbs!

7. He Texts When he Drinks. You only hear from this guy when he’s been drinking – the modern age version of drunk dialing. Clearly this is a man who is not serious about building a relationship with you and not emotionally available unless he’s inebriated.

8. He’s Big on Sexting. Do I even need to talk about this? Please don’t send naked photos of yourself to men you do not know and pause before sending them to men you’re in a trusting relationship with. Once out there – you cannot get those photos back under wraps.

9. He’s Tracking You. Controlling men can use texting to keep track of your whereabouts. If you are just getting started with a new guy and he seems so into you that he wants to know your every move WAKE UP. This is a sure sign of controlling behavior and his next step will be to tell you where you should and shouldn’t go. Walk away now before you get in too deep.

The bottom line is this – don’t work harder to get a relationship started than the man does. At most you can mirror his actions. Remember the best case scenario is when a man pursues you and tries to please, impress and win you over. He’ll never get invested in you if you do all the work for him – but he sure could get turned off.

 

 

Dating a Separated Man Makes Getting a Commitment Harder

Are you dating a separated man? That’s one of the toughest relationship situations. Here’s why his unfinished divorce is a huge problem that can keep you single and make it so much harder to get a commitment from him.

dating a separated manThe Trauma of Dating a Separated Man

Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I’ve been seeing this guy for six months now and I really like him. He’s the perfect guy for me in so many ways. He’s smart, good looking, has a great job, and we have so much in common. The problem is he’s super busy. He gets pulled in different directions by his job, his kids, his ex, his friends, etc. so I don’t get to see him that often.

His divorce won’t be finalized for several more months and that takes up a lot of his time too. He did tell me from the start that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. But we met and it just happened. Do you think I’m just a rebound girlfriend for him? I don’t know what to do and how to make this guy mine.

I”m torn because I feel like I shouldn’t wait around for him. We planned a vacation for this summer and I’m wondering if it will even happen and it I should just back out now. Please help me understand what is happening and what I should do.

Thanks,
Pauline

 

Hi Pauline,

I know this is hard to hear but the truth is this man is not capable of being in a relationship right now. He has way too much on his plate and he hasn’t had time to heal from the end of his marriage.

Even if he is the perfect man for you, he’s not in a position to be your dream guy. He cannot deliver which is true any time you are dating a separated man. Occasionally the timing is off and there’s nothing that can be done about it besides accepting the fact. I think you can already see this is true.

Don’t Hold Out for Miracles

If a miracle happens and he gets out from under all the things pulling on him, finishes his divorce and wants to see you – great. That would be amazing, especially if you are still on the market. Because you are so right – you cannot wait for him.

There’s a long time between now and July to take that vacation. Please don’t wait for him – that will waste too much of your precious time. Think about your happiness right now and the quality of your relationship as it is currently. In this moment, this relationship is not meeting your needs.

Don’t Put the Right Relationship on Hold for Him

Too many women wait for a guy to change and feel miserable the entire time. That’s a terrible waste and a treacherous  emotional roller coaster. Waiting around for a man’s life to resolve, hoping things will be different – these are ways women kid themselves about staying with a man who isn’t relationship ready.

In my dating coaching practice I see women suffer over and over again when dating a separated man. It always leads to heartbreak and doesn’t end well.

Compatibility Requires More than Attraction

Having things in common, being sweet, chemistry and attraction; these are great qualities for a mate, but not enough for love that lasts. Compatibility is a top priority for lasting love and a man who is not on solid ground is not ready for commitment. This makes him incompatible as your life stages are not in sync.

That’s what makes this type of relationship situation so tough. Even though he seems like your ideal mate, he’s not in the right place. He’s not emotionally available with so much unsettled in his life.

What Can You Do about Dating a Separated Man?

The best thing you can do is walk away and leave the door open. Tell him you like him a lot but are moving on with your life. Suggest that when his divorce is final he should contact you if he’s ready for a committed relationship. This way he knows you are reacting to his crazy life, instead of rejecting him personally.

I hope you’ll be wise, choose to move on and date other men. You may never see him again, but are giving yourself the best chance of finding the love you want with a man who is relationship ready. It’s not easy, but it’s really your only sensible choice if you’re serious about finding love.

Wishing you love,

dating a separated man

Law of Attraction: What Do You Admire about Men?

If you’re having trouble meeting quality men this is a really touch question to ask yourself but very worthwhile.

How Do You Feel about Men?

If you can say you know men you admire – good for you! That’s an excellent sign that you heart is open to men and you probably meet men who appeal to you. When you admire men, you appreciate who they are and see the good in them.

On the other hand, when you have contempt for men, you see their flaws as giant. Often a man’s flaws overshadow any potential good which makes it hard to open your heart to them. When you look down at men and think they are beneath you, those are the men you will attract.

I know this sounds a little black and white and maybe even harsh but there a lot of truth in this bold statement.

Now I know you’ve probably had a few bad experiences with men. OK maybe even more than your fair share. So it’s understandable how you got into this spot. If you’ve been hurt and disappointed time after time, coming to expect poor behavior makes sense. I get it.

Trouble is, when you expect poor treatment and substandard men, those are the kind of men you are most likely to continue interacting with. This is a result of the Law of Attract, part of the Universal Law of Vibration and one of the 7 Universal Principles.

As the Law of Vibration states, everything is made of moving energy – hence vibration. And the Law of Attraction states “Like Attract Like”. So that means when you vibrate at the level of believing that all men are scum and will treat you poorly, you are focused only on these types of guys. And that focus sets up a beacon for attraction – to attract more of that similar vibration.

It becomes a very sad, self-defeating prophecy about all future men. Mostly because that is what you expect. So this becomes a viscous circle that feeds upon itself and grows. When women are bitter about men, this is likely what is behind the feelings.

How Can I Change My Contempt for Men?

If you want to change the way you think about men and start to find quality men, you have to believe they exist. What will help is gathering positive evidence that good men are still available. How can you convince yourself of this when you never meet decent men and don’t really know any?

Let’s take baby steps. Tiny little steps are the best way to overcome a long-term belief that has gotten in your way. Try one exercise at time until you start to have success with it before moving on to the next.

1. Men You Know. Think of your friends or family members who might be in relationship or married to a decent guy. Now write the men’s names down and under each one think of one good thing about the guy. If you have more great! Write down all the good things but know it’s fine to start with only one. Feel free to add good qualities as you think of them for these men.

2. Smile at 1- 3 Men Daily. Make it a practice to start smiling at men or saying, “Good morning”. This moves you into a mindset where you’re willing to be friendly and connect. Don’t worry about leading men on or owing them anything just because you smiled at them. This exercise calls for very brief encounters. Just a smile or a hello is all you need to do.

Do this for seven days straight with no exceptions. Go for 21 days if you can commit to that for maximum impact. This exercise shifts the energy you put out into the Universe about men. I guarantee you will notice a difference at the end of seven days and 21 days of this new behavior will change your life permanently.

3. Find What Is Good about Men. The next step is to imagine what is good about the men you smile at. Ask yourself why his wife or girlfriend loves him. What qualities could he have that you would admire as well? The exercise puts you in the mindset of looking for something good and expecting to find it.

This is how you get the Law of Attraction to work on the positive end of the spectrum about men. When you start to look for the good in men you will start to attract good men. It’s really quite amazing how this works.

Challenge yourself to shift your view of men. You can absolutely go from having disdain and contempt to seeing the good in men and then meeting quality men worth dating. If you want to find lasting love and are willing to do these exercises – you will find the right man.

Women fall in love every day. You deserve the love of a quality man. And when you can see that good men exist – you are on the right path to get there!

 

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If He Texts Me Everyday Does He Like Me? Understanding Men

This question, “If he texts me everyday does he like me?” plagues many single women. Learn how to read between the lines of how men think to get help understanding men.

If he texts me everyday he must like meIt’s a Good Sign If He Texts  Often Right?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I have a male friend who was talking to his guy friend and  I came up in conversation. Apparently I sounded interesting so the friend started texting me. We’ve been talking for about a week and a half now, and he has made no move to try and hang out with me.

He’s had several opportunities, and even though he sounds extremely interested, he always has an excuse why he can’t go. We talk for hours and have talked about very real and deep subjects. He’s very intelligent and kind, but I’ve been told he’s kind of awkward with girls. We see each other sometimes in passing, but we have never had a real face-to-face conversation.

If he texts me everyday does he like me? Should I continue to pursue him and ask him out? Or should I just let him go. I know we are both interested in each other, and we seem to have a lot in common and a similar sense of humor. I’m just wondering why he isn’t making time to hang out with me.

Thanks for Your Insights,
Amy”

 

Dear Amy,

Sorry to say, you might be waiting a long time with this guy for several reasons. Many women mistake a man’s frequent communication for genuine interest. When you ask, “If he texts me everyday does he like me?” that’s your tip off something isn’t going right.

1.He Told You He’s Awkward with Girls.
That’s a HUGE excuse to keep you at arm’s length. This is your biggest clue he doesn’t want to date. He’s more comfortable virtually. Think about it objectively so you can see what nonsense that is. How could a guy talk about deep subjects and at the same time be awkward with girls? That’s a man’s way of saying he doesn’t want a relationship.

2. He Makes Excuses Why He Can’t See You.
More excuses! A man who is genuinely interested doesn’t make excuses – he MAKES AN EFFORT to see you and win you over. He’s definitely not doing that so it’s time to move on.

3. You’re a Sure Thing But He Hasn’t Asked You Out.
If this was about shyness, you’ve already shown interest in him. Let’s see, hours on the phone – check. Loads of texting – check. Giving him opportunities to get together – check. But he hasn’t made a move right? That’s your clear signal HE DOESN’T WANT TO DATE.

4. You’ve Passed Each Other But Still No Conversation.
This is yet another obvious sign this guy doesn’t want to see more of you. If he was interested, wouldn’t he want to stop and chat? Wouldn’t he want to talk in person? Wouldn’t he want to gaze into your beautiful eyes?

Don’t Take This Personally

There are so many reasons why he might not want to date you or any woman such as:

  • He might prefer virtual relationships with no expectations and no strings attached.
  • He doesn’t have to pay for dinner or leave the comfort of his home.
  • He may have “performance issues” in the bedroom.
  • He might not be emotionally available even though he can talk a blue streak about deep topics.
  • He just wants an ego boost.
  • He craves female attention.
  • Talking with you makes him feel macho and desired.
  • He enjoys talking with you but doesn’t want to get involved.

The Hard Part about Understanding Men

You are not the only woman asking me, “If he texts everyday does he like me?” So let me be very direct. Texting, long phone conversations, Facetime, social media – none of these prove a man’s interest. Each one of these options doesn’t require a guy to put himself out or win you over.

He’s NOT DOING ANYTHING but talking and when it comes to love TALK IS CHEAP and MEANINGLESS.

Never take virtual conversation without dates to have meaning. Or interpret his time with you as his genuine interest. Chances are he’s actually proving he loves the sound of his own voice or gets a kick out of texting. He might be bored at home and you fill his time nicely. That has nothing to do with his feelings for you.

Learn How to Identify a Man’s Interest

So if conversation isn’t the proof you need what is? Pay attention to what a man does to win you over!

  • How often does he take you on a date? If its not at least once a week, he’s not serious about you.
  • Does he ask about you and try to get to know you?
  • Does he find out what you like and take you to those places?
  • Does he call within in three or four days after a date to stay in touch? (Texting only doesn’t count)
  • Does he plan the date and treat you?
  • Does he make time in his busy schedule to see you?
  • Does he keep his promises and follow through on what he says?

These are some of the ways to identify a man’s genuine interest. It’s about THE ACTION HE TAKES NOT WHAT HE SAYS. Some offer compliments like how beautiful you look or buy flowers, but not all men do.

Your guy has taken NONE of these important steps so stop letting him WASTE YOUR TIME. Since he hasn’t asked you out after that much communication and 10 days, HE NEVER WILL. HE HAS NO INTENTION OF DATING YOU.

Don’t Pursue Men

My last point relates to your question about, “Should you pursue him?” My answer to that question is always a giant NO. I tell my clients to never pursue men. Instead, let men pursue you because that is the only way you will ever know if he is showing genuine interest.

When you pursue and ask him out – he may say yes and go, but that doesn’t mean he’s seriously interested. It could mean he’s bored and you’ll fill the time. Or that he thinks he’s going to get lucky since you pursued him, etc.

Read this post on the Ballroom Theory of Dating to better understand men and dating gender roles which still persist.

So, the final answer to your question, “If he texts me everyday does he like me?” is no. This guy is not serious about you and he will waste your time for as long as you wait around for him to ask you out.

My advice is don’t let him waste your time. Cut him off. Stop texting and stop responding. Stop waiting for his nightly calls. Go out to meet new men because if you want true love, this guy is not the one.

Wishing You Love,

if he texts me everyday does he like me

 

If you want to learn more of the signs that a man is wasting your time, get my Amazon bestseller Is He The One? Find Mr. Right By Spotting Mr. Wrong

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Why Did He Lose Interest So Fast? Understanding Men

Why did he lose interest so fast? This is a common and painful question women over 40 ask as they look for love. Here are some answers to help you with understanding men.

Why did he lose interest so fastHow Did He Lose Interest After the First Date?

Hi Dating Coach Ronnie!

So I met a guy online through an online dating app. We hit it off immediately and before we had even met he was making plans with me to go out and do things. We would video chat, talk on the phone, and text constantly. We had our first date a week ago (Thursday) which I feel went pretty well.

Like I said, we had so many plans and throughout our date he was talking about them constantly. It has now been a week since our date and he contacts me almost daily but its nothing like what it used to be. We don’t talk on the phone anymore and we hardly ever text, when we do he will simply stop replying after a while.

I haven’t really initiated contact with him, maybe once or twice, but just to say hi. I am just wondering if you think he has lost interest in me, seeing as how he doesn’t talk to me nearly as much as he used to. What is your opinion? I’m trying not to worry about it but I really enjoyed my time with him and was looking forward to the plans we had made.

Thanks,
Laurie

 

Dear Laurie,

Dating can be fun and exciting and also highly disappointing. That’s why I work so hard to help my clients spot the signs of a man who is likely to waste your time. Learning about the red flags will keep you from putting your hopes on the wrong guys and keep you free to find the right man for you.

There are many possible answers to your question, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” I’ve provided 10 below but please don’t be put off by any of them. I will explain why in the next section.

His Own Reasons

  1. He wasn’t looking for more than one date
  2. He had a good time but wants to see who else is out there
  3. He’s just playing the field
  4. He wants female attention but doesn’t really want to get into relationship
  5. He needed an ego boost
  6. He doesn’t know what he wants

Men and women have many reasons to go out, meet new people and date. But often it has nothing to do with getting into a serious relationship. Some singles go on many first dates because they are looking for a certain type of person. Or they just want to an ego boost to build confidence. Sometimes people aren’t ready for anything serious but they enjoy meeting new people. You get the idea – it isn’t always about lasting love.

His Reasons about You

  1. You reminded him of a past lover so he moved on
  2. He didn’t find you as attractive in person
  3. You just weren’t the woman he’s looking for
  4. He didn’t have as much fun as you did

As a single woman, you know you aren’t going to please every man, just like every date won’t work for you either. Yes you are looking for that special someone and most people will not be a match. But that is a part of dating and to be expected. So even though it seemed like you both had a good time, maybe he was looking for something else. Truth be told you can have a good time but still not want a second date.

So don’t take it personally when you get rejected after just one date. I’ve listed 10 possible reasons but you can imagine how many more are could apply. The main point when you ask “Why did he lose interest so fast?” is that we need to define how interested he really was in the first place.

Texting and Talking by Phone Are Not True Signs of Interest

That’s why I recommend not communicating a lot prior to meeting. I tell my clients to avoid long phone calls, constant texting and video chats. Why? Because that lulls you into thinking there is something really good happening. Women assign meaning to all the conversation and assume the man MUST really like them. Sadly, it actually means nothing.

Lots of Communication Boosts His Ego

Some men love to talk about themselves or hear themselves talk. They like to flirt, are feeling lonely and want female attention. All that communication is fabulous for the ego. After a conversation with you he probably felt he could hit on any woman with success. It makes a man feel desired and viral. And for some men, it’s a great way to interact with multiple women without physically cheating.

My dating advice is to text only a few times a day and never talk on the phone every night. You are a desirable woman who has places to go and people to see. You don’t want to let on you’re free every night waiting for his call. That doesn’t provide any mystery and men do like mystery. They want to feel like they are winning you over.

Then when you do meet, you wait to see how long it takes for him to want more time with you, call and schedule another date. When a week or more goes by, that can be a sign he’s really not that interested after all.

Since you had so much communication, you thought he was seriously interested which is why you asked, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” The fact that he is still in touch tells me he is connecting with a bunch of women to feed his ego. There are some men who do this which is why I advise not giving meaning lots of early communication.

It’s Not What a Man Says But What He Does

Making plans for the future before a man knows or meets you is a classic seduction technique. You are bound to like a guy who is already planning your future before he even meets you or during a first date right? It’s a way to guarantee you’re interest in him. Future plans only matter when you see a man consistently follow through with his ideas over time.

How to Handle Pre-Date Communication

The next time you meet a guy, text a few times a day, but don’t respond immediately every time. Have one 20-minute phone conversation and then set up a date to meet. Avoid over communicating and go out with other men while you wait to see if the first guy asks for a second or third date or disappears.

This is how to keep yourself from getting so disappointed and how you’ll know better than to think a man is seriously interested just because he paid attention to you. After a few more guys you’ll get better at spotting this red flag – the man who loves to talk and makes plans, but evaporates after a first date. Or worse the man who will text and talk for months without ever meeting you.

If you want to know about 40 other red flags that let you know a man is about to waste your time and is the wrong man for you, get a copy of my bestselling book on Amazon Is He The One: Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong

Should I Text Him Again? We had Such Fun Conversations!

“Should I text him again?” is one of the most frequent questions single women ask. The answer depends on how many times you’ve already initiated texting. Learn what’s most effective.

should I text him again

Should I Text Him Again?

Can I Text Him Again? I’m So Tempted

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy online two weeks ago and we immediately exchanged numbers to talk on the phone. Had a great conversation with a lot in common and talked for nearly two hours! Then we talked again the next night for almost another two hours and discussed meeting in person sometime, perhaps for lunch, coffee, or even the dog park since we are both dog lovers.

I said that would be great and told him my availability. It was a Friday night so figured that weekend was probably too soon to plan something since he didn’t set a date, but thought I’d at least hear from him the following week. Haven’t heard from him since.

I decided to text him on Super Bowl Sunday (9 days after our last conversation) to wish his team well and said “hope you’re doing well!”. No response. Bummer

I’m confused because of how well we hit it off on the phone and he knows I’m interested. Should I text him again in case he didn’t get my text? Or chalk it up to him not being that interested, which again just boggles my mind because of how well our conversations went.

I also wonder if he is waiting until after Valentine’s Day since I assume this weekend will be a lot of couples going out and guys seem to be a little weird about that day. I’m tempted to text him again and suggest getting together for coffee or meeting at the dog park.

This would be the perfect weekend to meet since my kids are with their dad this weekend. But I just not sure what to do.

Please help!
Ready to Text

 

Dear Ready to Text,

I know this is hard and it seems like it should be so simple. You wonder why you need to agonize over “Should I text him again?” But that’s your tip off it’s not the way to go. You are right about that!

Even though its so temping to text him again, DON’T DO IT!

See, if this man was truly interested, he would be still talking to you. He would have scheduled a date and shown up. He would have asked you out again.

The fact that nine days have gone by since your last conversation can only mean one thing and I say this with a compassionate heart – HE’S NOT INTO YOU.

Yes, you had two great conversations. Yes he knows you are into him. But you can see that’s not enough. He has to WANT to take that next step to meet you. Even if you did text him again, do you think that would do the trick and get him interested again? I doubt it. He knows exactly what he has to do to see you. AND HE’S NOT DOING IT.

I’m not saying this to be mean. I want you to understand how men think so you stop wanting to text a man who is not interested. One of my specialties in dating over 40 is helping single women with understanding men. How men think. Why they behave the way they do. Revealing what is really going on.

So what is going on with this man?

  • He might have met someone else
  • He’s distracted by several women
  • He got busy with work
  • He’s not serious about dating or finding love
  • He’s just looking for an ego boost
  • He might love talking on the phone

Sometimes all a guy is looking for is a friendly female to talk to. You had a great conversation and now he feels confident about attracting a woman like you. So he’s all set and ready to move on. Or any number of other possibilities. And it has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.

But one thing you know for sure from his behavior is you have fallen off his radar. And that wouldn’t happen if he was interested. Which is why texting him will NOT get him back on that track. Even if he texts you back.

Adult Dating Should Be Easier

But it’s not. I know it seems you should be able to just speak directly about simple things like setting up a date. But age doesn’t change the dating game because it’s a mating ritual rooted in biology.

A man’s DNA is coded to hunt and pursue. That has not changed. So to be successful at dating, you have to live with the fact that you choose from the men who pursue you. If you pursue men, most will run – read this post to learn more. It doesn’t work.

So what’s a midlife single gal to do? Well the answer to, “Should I text him again?” is no.

You can be friendly to get a man’s attention – then he may decide to pursue. Women are not powerless! That’s what flirting is all about. You have plenty of power – the power of allure. Learn to use that. You can’t turn every man’s head but you’ll get your fair share of attention when you rely on your feminine charm.

Then know not to read into situations. They have to play out and if the pursuit is not consistent, know then to walk away with dignity. You deserve a man who knows you are a great catch and does what it takes to win you over.

My dating advice for you is not to read into a conversation has indicating anything. If it was fun – good enjoy it. Just realize the only thing that matters is did the man ask you out? If not, stop talking to him after seven days and move on. This way you’ll be assured of not holding out or wasting time waiting around for a man who has not proved his interest.

This applies to texting, emailing, talking on the phone, facetime, social media and even flirting. If you feel there might be something there then wait two weeks if you must, but never more. And two weeks is really one week too long.

Okay, now get back out there – there are so many men to meet and the right one is waiting for you.

Wishing you love,

should I text him again

When Will He Ask Me Out on a Second Date? Understanding Men

Interested in a man and looking for answers on, “When will he ask me out on a second date?”  Read on to find out what you need to know about understanding midlife single men.

when will he ask me outWhen Will He Ask Me Out Again? That’s the Big Question

You met a guy online and your first date was great! You had a good time and you know he did too. He texted you after telling you so. You’ve been texting for a few days which is fun. He’s witty and has a good sense of humor too.

But as the days tick by, you start to wonder when will he ask me out on a second date? It’s completely natural to be curious about this and even a bit anxious. Especially when you had such a good time. You really can’t wait to see him again.

You wish there was a way to make the phone ring. But there isn’t. You think about texting him to see if he’s still interested. Maybe that’s what you should do. But then you’re not sure and the last thing you want to do is ruin your chances.

Wondering when he will ask me out and waiting around stinks!

How Long Should It Take to Get a Second Date?

Not surprisingly, the length of time between a first and second date varies by the man and the situation. However, the amount of time it does takes is telling.

The best case scenario is when a man asks you for a second date while you are still on the first one. That’s always a good omen! If he waits just a few days, like two to three, that’s also a positive sign. In fact, anytime within the first week is optimal. If he wants to see you again quickly, that means you are on his mind,

When the gap between first and second date is longer, like two or three weeks, that might indicate a number of things that aren’t so positive:

  • He’s too busy to date
  • He’s not really ready to date
  • He’s not serious about finding love
  • He’s dating a lot of women and you’re not high on the list
  • He’s not that into you

Yes, sometimes a man has to travel for work or has a lot on his plate. But these situations do not bode well for a blossoming relationship. When a man takes weeks to ask for a second date, of course you can go. But do not get attached or stop dating other men for him. While it’s true anything is possible, I wouldn’t bet on a guy who is slow to request that second date.

How to Know When to Move On

When you’re objective about what is happening in your dating life, then you can face facts. Not being asked for a second date within a week indicates he might not be the right man. The sooner you realize this and accept it, the less you’ll feel confused, hurt, disappointed or rejected by him. The less time you’ll spend analyzing everything you said and did and feeling badly about yourself. The faster you can move on to find the right man

There are plenty of men out there. Don’t set your hopes on a man you’ve just men. Stay objective as long as possible. Date several men at once – just for the first few dates. Most will disappear any way because they aren’t right for you and they know it.

Signs He’s Really Interested

See, the right man for you will WANT to get to know you. He’ll be EXCITED to spend time with you and will do what it takes to make that time. he’ll stay in touch ever couple of days. He’ll text AND call. He’ll ask in advance even if he’s going out of town so he knows he can see you when he gets back. His consistency is a true signal of his intent.

And that is exactly what you want. A man who knows what he wants and when he meets you, he knows you’re the one to pursue. Which is exactly what he does. The right man for you doesn’t leave you feeling confused or wondering when will he ask me out.

 

 

How Men Think: 3 Things Midlife Men Want in a Woman

how men thinkTrying to figure out how men think can be taxing for single midlife women. You strain to understand what midlife men are thinking and what is behind their behavior.

That’s why I interviewed a panel of men over 50 to ask them some pretty pointed questions about dating love and women. Their answers were pleasantly surprising.

What I discovered was that many midlife men are looking for lasting love. Not all men just want a roll in the hay and plenty actually want to date women their own age.

Here are the top three things midlife men look for in a new partner:

1. Attraction.
This is not about being a bathing beauty, super slim or gorgeous even though you guess that’s how men think. In fact, while men may fantasize about those model-like perfect women, they know they aren’t going to date one.

Let’s face it – we women fantasize about the perfect hot guy too. It’s normal for both genders.

So what do they want in a new partner regarding looks? They want a woman who takes time with her appearance. Gray or died hair doesn’t matter. On the other hand, a little makeup does. An up-to-date look and  and a bit of style in your clothing also let a man know you care about your personal presentation.

2. Happy Personality.
Midlife men want a woman who is already happy and not one hoping a man will make her happy. To them it feels like lot of pressure. When you are happy the way you are and want to add to your life with a relationship, that is the best possible scenario. (This is true for men too.)

Women who are cheerful and positive are more appealing and honestly, doesn’t that make sense? After all you don’t want to date Danny Downer anymore than men want to date Debbie Downer.

When you meet a new guy, be smart about how you talk about your life. It’s just like a job interview – you want to present your best side, no matter what kind of day you’ve had.  So don’t talk about how hard dating is, how mean men are, or about your horrid ex, the same way you wouldn’t bash your current or last boss during an interview.

[For more similarities about job hunting and dating, check out my book Job Search = Love: Search 10 Career Strategies that Help You find Love Too]

3. Available. 
Yes, men want to date women who are available. Everyone is busy – men and women, but men don’t want to chase you down for a date. They don’t want to feel like you are squeezing them into your insane schedule even if that’s true. That’s how men think. (You don’t want to feel that way either right?)

To find love, you have to find time available during your week and in your calendar and make this a priority. If you put a man off for two weeks to meet for coffee or a meal, you are letting him know he’ll never be your priority.

Just like you want a man who makes you feel important in his life, men want the very same thing. That’s why I tell my clients they have to find time. If you don’t have time to date, you don’t have time for a relationship either. A relationship probably takes more time!

Find a way to see a man within a few days of his request when possible if you want to keep him interested. Just do the best you can.

Given these top three priorities for the qualities sought in a single midlife woman, I hope you feel more hopeful and positive. Why? Because my bet is, you have what you need to attract that quality man you desire!

If you want to learn more about midlife dating and better understanding men, why fill not out an application for a Dating Discovery Session and schedule an appointment? We’ll talk by phone or Skype for 30-minutes to get to know each other and find out if coaching might be for you.

This Is The #1 Sign That He’s Just Not That Into You

January 20, 2017 by Emma Taylor via m2woman.co.nz

We’ve all seen the movie and we all remember that beautiful moment when Miranda shares with two woeful twenty-somethings that ‘he is just not that into you’. It’s a pretty harsh reality and unfortunately it is just getting ten times worse with a society that is so focused on their phones and computer screens. The days of late night phone calls are replaced with text conversations and meeting up face-to-face isn’t necessary when you have Skype of face time.

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Find Love with 10 New Year’s Resolutions

Want to find love? Did you make your New Year’s resolutions yet? It’s not too late to get something together and put your mind to finding love in 2017!

find love

Find Love in 2017

Is This Your Year to Find Love?

1.Clear the Past 

If you are ready to find love, the best way to start is to clean up your love energy. Burn old love letters. Toss old journals. Unfriend old beaus on social media. Give away gifts from past lovers. These are all wonderful ways to release the past and create space for something new to enter your life. Make room t his month with a full clearing!

2. Boost Confidence

Men find confident women very sexy so what can you do to boost your confidence? Lose 5 lbs? Exercise more. Make  yourself more interesting by enriching you r life. Take classes, read more, get into some new music, see a movie. Lots of this self-improvement is fun!

3. Polish Your Looks

Is it time for a makeover? When was the last update you made to your hairstyle and makeup? Chances are you could use a little refresher. Get a new haircut. Try some highlights. Change your color. Use new eye makeup. Buy a new lipstick. And if you don’t wear makeup – try the basics – blush, mascara and lip gloss. This is fun girl stuff so enjoy it!

You might also buy a few new dating outfits. Freshen up your style. Add a new piece of jewelry. Update your signature look. Give yourself some pizzazz to feel good about yourself and present an alluring package.

4. Take a Vow of Friendliness!

How friendly are you on a scale of 1-10? If you said anything less than 7, take a vow of friendliness. Determine that you will smile more at people, especially men. Strike up a conversation with someone in line at the grocery store or dry cleaners. Your entire life improves when you build your social skills, not just dating.  But it sure will be easier to meet men when you are friendly.

5. Schedule Time Meet Men

If you don’t have time set aside in your busy calendar, you may never have time to meet men. Btu something positive happens when you put time in your calendar. You are prone to actually follow through and do something. The best way to make this happen is to look up singles events, Meetups or other events you want to attend. Put them in your calendar and plan on going.

6. Post a Profile on Dating Sites or Dating Apps

This is another powerful strategy to meet new men. Post a profile on the dating sites or apps so you men can find you! There is no arguing with this proven method to find love and now it’s estimated that 30% of singles meet this way. Get over your fears. Learn how to make these things work for you. Just do it as the Nike tagline encourages.

[If you need help with your profile, I can write a killer online dating profile that stands out and represent the real you.]

7. Find a Dating Buddy

When you have a single gal who is your partner in crime for dating, you are more likely to follow through. You can hold each other accountable to get online, try the dating apps and go to live events. Encourage each other. Help each other regain your calm and composure when you face disappointments This is highly supportive way to stay positive on your journey to find love.

8. Meet One Man a Month

Seriously, if you want to find love, you have got to meet new men on a regular basis. It’s time to quantify your dating activities. Set an intention to meet at least one new man a month. Of course one  week would be far more productive, but  some is better than none. No wiggling out of this goal. Hold your feet to the fire if you want to find the lasting love you dream of.  You’ll meet 12 men this year if you meet one per month so get on it!

9. Write a Letter to Yourself

Why do you want to find love? What are your reasons for wanting a man in your life? Do you want companionship? Romance? Friendship? A partner to travel with. Someone to sit in front of the fire and snuggle with? Get clear about what love will add to your life and why you want that. When you know why love is important to you, taking time to meet new people will be easier and more likely to happen.

10. Smarten Up about Dating!

What do you really know about midlife dating? Have you read any books, listened to a free teleclass, registered for a workshop or tried private dating coaching? These options wake you up to what works. Midlife dating is not like when you were 22. Things have changed girlfriend and you’ve got to be in “the know” to succeed!

 

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