Author Archives: Ronnie Ann Ryan

Why Won’t He Tell Me The Truth?

If you’re asking, “Why won’t he tell me the truth?” and feeling frustrated with the man you’re dating, this post will help clear that up for you and more.

why won't he tell me the truthFeel Like He’s Not Being Honest?

So you are seeing this man and he’s gotten a bit distant. You feel like something is wrong, in fact, you KNOW something isn’t right, but you can’t put your finger on what is going on. So you get up the nerve to ask him. Something like this comes out of your mouth:

“Why are you being distant?”
“Is something wrong between us?”
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Of course he says it’s nothing. He denies that anything is wrong at all. If you push further, he might blow up or worse, get even more distant. Why won’t he tell you the truth?

Sometimes you’ll tell a man you need to talk and that can be the kiss of death in terms of having a conversation. He seems to be totally avoiding you at this point. Ouch!

Women tell me they come right out and ask the man they’re seeing if he wants to break up or stop seeing each other. Again, this kind of question is often met with denial So, you feel worse and know you’re not getting any where. How are you supposed to fix this if he won’t talk to you?

Seriously, Why Won’t He Tell Me the Truth?

This painful question just keeps floating through your mind. Your curiosity gets the best of you and you end up thinking about this all day eventually. It seems so simple if he’d just ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.

Actually by the time you get to this point, his honest response, “Yes I want to break up,” would almost be a huge relief. Or if he’d admit he was cheating. At least you wouldn’t be in limbo-land any more. You’d know the truth and you could move on. It would hurt for sure but you can’t take it any more.

But, why won’t he tell me the truth?

How Men Think

Most men hate to admit they’re about to cause you pain. They don’t want any big emotional scene. Nor do they want to be the mean guy, even if they are pursuing another woman.

So here’s what they do – they AVOID YOU. They stay clear of the topic, become scarce, and change the subject. Whatever will get you off track works for a man like this because the LAST THING HE WANTS IS TO DISCUSS IT.

This is also why some men behave so poorly right before a break up – they act out hoping YOU’LL BREAK UP WITH THEM. Sorry to say, this is standard procedure for countless men at any age.

What Can You Do?

Please, stop trying to make things work. If you are prepared (and I hope you are) when things get this bad, your best move is to pull back too. It’s time for you to become scarce as well. Focus on yourself. Think about what will make you happy and do it.

For example, take really good care of  yourself. Get a massage or a mani-pedi. Go out with the girls. Watch chick flicks and eat ice cream. Read a new book or those magazines you never get to. Tackle one of those projects on your list. Do something creative. You have plenty of choices when you focus on YOU.

What does this do for you? It takes the focus off him and what you cannot fix. And it gives him a chance to step forward because if he was ever going to do it, this is his opportunity and he knows it. So if he’s not cheating on you or hoping you’ll leave him, he’ll sure know something is up when you go silent.

Breaking from your normal pattern of desperately trying to get him to talk will be a shock and send him a clear message. You won’t put up with his nonsense. And this gets communicated without saying one word. The silent treatment is as old as the hills, but still can produce results.

I’m not saying your man will definitely come back to you and try to work things out. But he might. And truly this is the only shot you have. Continuing to force the issue will not deliver any results. None that you actually want anyway.

His Reason Why Doesn’t Matter

Most women really want to UNDERSTAND WHY.  Why is he acting this way? Why won’t he tell me the truth? How come he is avoiding me? Why won’t he talk about it? But these questions will never be answered. You need to focus on why do you put up with such treatment? Who is he to behave this way around you?

It’s All About You

When you start to realize you cannot change men or make them do anything, you start to see the wisdom on focusing on you. What makes you happy? It sure isn’t him if he’s acting this way, avoiding you and not telling you the truth.

To keep your dignity, it’s time to realize the power to change your situation lies totally within you. That means you might need to leave him. Because you DESERVE BETTER. Why would you put up with a man who won’t be honest, won’t talk about things and treats you poorly?

The one thing you can change is YOURSELF. Walking away is the  most empowering thing when a man will not tell you the truth. This allows you to free yourself up so that when you are ready, you can go out to find love again with a better man.

Identify a Good Match

How do you know you found a good match? You’re with a man who WILL talk things over. He’ll stick around to work things out. A good man shows that he cares by apologizing if needed. He values you and doesn’t want to risk losing you.

The right man for you treats you like gold and his word is like gold too. He keeps his promises and you trust him. Thankfully, he follows through and means what he says to you and others. A man who is consistent and shows you respect as you do for him. He lets you know he cares through his actions, not just his words.

My dating advice is to stop worrying about, “Why won’t he tell me the truth?” Turn this around if he’s acting this way, because that means he’s already half way out the door. Then pull back yourself and take care of #1 – that’s you babe.

This is the way to react to a situation with dignity. You’ll not only keep your self-respect, but build it in relationships. Hold your head high and know you are destined for a better man who will treat you in a loving manner because that’s his nature.

Be true to yourself and let a man go who won’t tell you the truth or talk about things. He’s not the only man on the planet. I promise.

Kiss & Tell: Nearly 50 And Still Single, How Do I Meet A Guy?

November 6, 2017 via Hartford Courant

Milford Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan says there is no better way to meet men than online, especially for people over 50.

“It seems the older men get, the less social they are,” she says. “They don’t join singles groups at the same rate women do. Women tend to seek community. Men? They go online.”

So they’re out there, they’re using these sites and apps, but you’ve got to do lots of weeding.

“The truth is there are no more crazies online than anywhere else,” says Ryan. “It’s a slice of the general population and 40 million people are dating online in the United States.”

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6 Clues He’s Not Into Your Long Distance Relationship

Wondering, “Do long distant relationships work?  Women around the world struggle with this as they try to keep love alive. Here’s what you need to know if you are thinking about getting involved or already are.

do long distance relationships workLong Distance Relationships Are So Tough Emotionally

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met my boyfriend while he was traveling to Asia in August, 2016. We spent 3 days together and I slept with him before he went back to the US. We texted daily for hours over the months before I visited him last December for four weeks. After having such a good time we decided to be in a relationship. He kept saying he didn’t want a serious relationship because of the distance, but he gave in.

I visited him again from July to September this year and our relationship got even better. He told me he loves me, treated me well and always considered my feelings. Since my return home, we started arguing about cultural differences and he thinks I don’t give him space. For example he doesn’t want to text me daily.

Do We Have a Future?

I would like to get married as I’m 33, he is 32 and I’m wondering – do long distance relationships work? Can this turn into something long-term? He said he isn’t financially stable now and won’t be for 3 – 4 years (and isn’t even sure about that). Although he sees me in his future, he’s not sure he wants to get married.

I’m so hurt. Is there a future for us? Shall I wait or leave? Do long distance relationships work? I asked if he wants to break up – he said no. We are traveling to Europe in few months and he mentioned it costs a lot of money to maintain this relationship. He got a new job and since he won’t have vacation for a while, I’ll have to wait to visit him next summer.  I don’t want to invest so much if I won’t be with him forever.

Ronnie Please Help!!!
Distant Love”

Help with Understanding How Men Think

Hi Distant Love,

This guy has been fairly honest with you from what you’ve told me. I listed below the clues he’s given you about your future together.

  1. He doesn’t want a relationship
  2. Has shared concern about the distance
  3. Says he’s not financially stable now and won’t be for years
  4. Isn’t sure he wants to get married
  5. Doesn’t want to text daily
  6. It costs a lot of money to maintain the relationship

I’m going to be totally straight with you. Even though he says he loves you (which is always great to hear), he clearly doesn’t want to keep this going. He’s not stringing you along because he’s honest about his feelings. I’m so sorry to tell you if marriage is your goal, he’s not the guy.

It’s not that he doesn’t love you, I”m sure he does since he said so. But love is NOT enough. He’s not READY for marriage. In fact, he wants more time to himself and doesn’t want daily communication. That’s not a good sign.

Understanding How Men Think

These six points above are meant to push you away. I know you asked him if he wanted to break up, but a man will rarely say yes. Most guys don’t want to hurt your feelings and do things in the hopes that you will give up and break up with them. It feels better this way to most men.

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

The truth about long distance relationships is that they rarely work out or to lead to marriage. There is a high degree of fantasy and excitement that’s hard to keep up with. Sometimes it lasts for years if both people are happy with part-time love or one hangs on hoping someday they’ll be together.

Unfortunately, you are the latter and want more from the relationship than he does. In fact, I bet he never dreamed it would last this long and is feeling pressure now. The smartest choice is to end it before you invest in a European vacation and more time with him.

So, in answer to your question, “Do long distance relationships work?”, sadly 99% of the time the answer is no.

If you want to get married and have children, you can’t wait around for your American guy. It was fun, but now it’s time to get serious. Look for love locally because it’s so much easier to meet, date and marry when you don’t have distance and cultural differences to get in the way.

Wishing you love,

do long distance relationships work

 

If you are ready to get serious about finding love with the right man, get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single

 

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Did I Scare Him Off? Understanding How Men Think

Have you ever worried, “Did I scare him off?” It’s possible. Find out if you’ve made one of these common mistakes with a new man.

Did I scare him off Don’t Scare Him Away!

Halloween is about the fun of scary things and ghoulish stories. But the last thing you want to do is scare off a new man in your life. Here are four ways you might inadvertently frighten your date away and how to avoid them.

 

1) Staunchly Independent

You are an independent woman can take care of yourself so you don’t need a man. I get it. You might really enjoy your independence or perhaps you fought hard to win it. However, communicating this to a man does not portray as positively as you might imagine.

Most people, including men want to feel needed. They want to help with your car, fix stuff, carry heavy things or open jars. A staunchly independent woman who is proud of her status can be off putting because that guy your dating doesn’t want to feel unnecessary in your life. You wouldn’t like that either.

Your independence is fabulous! Just don’t flaunt it in your new man’s face. Let him open the door for you, order the wine, pick up the check. Let him have the traditional role and “be the man.” If you want to be an irresistible woman, be warm and receptive, be easy to please and be appreciative of his efforts.

But don’t brag about how you can totally take care of yourself – you’ll turn him off and lose him.

2) Talking about the Future

When you meet a wonderful man, it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement. That’s the fun part of dating. However, if you start doodling your name with his, if you try out his surname with your first name to see how it sounds after a few dates, that’s living in the future.

Please don’t plan your future so early on. Stay in the present moment and what I call “Positively Neutral”. You are positive about the future and the present, but you remain detached or neutral. Anything can happen to move the relationship forward or to cut it short. Your positive, yet neutral outlook keeps you balanced.

When you lean into the future, you’ll appear anxious or needy – Oh no! That sets off HUGE warning bells and starts the downhill slide for a man. So, avoid over thinking the future. Stay present, keep your eyes open and know that it will all unfold with time. Don’t rush a man if you want him to stick around.

3) Fixing Him Up

Let me tell you straight out – you cannot change a man. You cannot change anyone, except yourself and event that’s not so easy. There are only two things you can change about a man: 1) his clothing and 2) his hair if you’re lucky. But that’s it.

He is who he is. Your attempts to improve him could be taken as a lack of appreciation for who he is right now. That’s won’t bode well for your budding relationship. Pushing him to change is a great way to push him away.

Yet, women make this mistake all the time! I remember thinking about a guy and wishing I could just mix together a good part of someone else with the new guy’s qualities to have the perfect partner. We all have done this from time to time. But it[‘s NOT possible!

So refrain from fixing him. Appreciate who he is right now and if you cannot do that, he’s probably not the right man for you.

4) Invading His Space

I’m sure you’ve heard about the man cave. So wen you are first seeing a new man, he’s going to frequently return to the man cave because he feels really comfortable there. You may be tempted to reach out to him, especially if you haven’t heard from him. DON’T DO IT! You’ll be invading his private territory.

That means, no matter how much you want to, don’t call him, text him or initiate contact. Let him come to you with his own sense of timing. If you don’t hold back, and think how men and women are equals and this is silly not to connect, you will likely pay the price.

For the first 4-6 dates, let him initiate and lead. Don’t crowd him, get in his space or take over pursuit. This never works. If he’s fallen away, his lack of communication tells you he’s not so interested. His actions and efforts to connect are the only thing that matters, not his words. Don’t take over no matter how tempting, because chances are you’ll soon be asking, “Did I scare him off?”

How to Enjoy the Magic

There are many more chilling things women do to chase men away, like not returning phone calls, talking about your ex, complaining that all men stink, going on and on about your kids, etc. So, if you’re dating someone who seems to be a good match, smile at him, praise his efforts, give him a warm reception and enjoy the magic that is falling in love.

Happy Halloween!

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Is He Stringing Me Along? Understanding Men

is he stringing me alongIs he stringing me along? The sooner you know the answer to this painful question the better so read on to discover the signs.

How Can I Tell If He’s Stringing Me Along?

Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met this med student on a dating site and we’ve been chatting for 3 months through snapchat, instagram, facebook, and text. We have so much in common and he’s really nice. I’ve given him hints to meet multiple times, but he keeps playing games.

One time he was going to come to see me (he lives 2hrs away) and he flaked the day before. I know he’s busy with med school, so I was okay with it. I told him to let me know when he’s not too busy. He asked me a few times what my plans were for the weekend. He had activities in mind and got me really excited about finally asking me out. Then we’d go on to talk about other stuff and forget the plans.

I asked him again yesterday to go biking, he said he’d love to, but that was it. He didn’t even talk about when we could do that. I don’t get it!

I’m So Over It!

Is he stringing me along? Sometimes I wonder if he’s really busy or he’s afraid that if we finally meet, he’d scare me away. (He said that’s happened before.)

What should I do? He still keeps on snapchatting and texting me. Should I stop communicating with him? Or give it another chance? I don’t want to be super attached because it will break my heart if this goes nowhere.

Thanks for your help,
Done in Denver

9 Signs He’s Stringing You Along

Dear Done,

I know this isn’t easy for you. You’ve gotten emotionally invested and keep hoping he’ll come around and finally ask you out. At the end of your note, you say you don’t want to be super attached because you’ll be heart broken, that’s a clear sign you already are attached. There’s no getting around that fact.

Sadly, you don’t really know this man regardless of how much time you’ve spent chatting. You only know what he shares through text and social media. Honestly, he might not be a med student or live two hours away. When a man won’t meet you, most often he’s not who he says he is.

Could he really be afraid you won’t like him? Only if he’s not who he says he is. What about him has scared other women away? That’s a big red flag in my book and one I don’t believe for a minute.

You are not the only woman who has fallen for a guy who can’t seem to ask you out or keep a date. I’ve answered questions like this from many other women on my blog with this same sort of story. It’s an epidemic.

Stringing Before Meeting

1. More Than 7-10 Days Without a Date – Seriously, no matter how much fun you’re having, don’t continue texting, etc. with a man who doesn’t have time to meet you. Read more about the problems with “virtual relationships“.

Either he already has a woman and is cheating emotionally, isn’t interested in a genuine relationship, doesn’t want to get involved, is wounded and not capable of a relationship, or is boosting his ego. None of these are good reasons since you are looking for love.

2. Too Busy to See You – Being busy is the perfect excuse not to see you. It might be work, school, a big house project, helping out a friend or something with this ex or his kids. Even if his excuses seem legitimate, he’s letting you know he’s not really available. A man who wasn’t a relationship WILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME.

3. Cancels Multiple Times – This guy makes plan but then something comes up and he cancels. And this happens more than once. That’s your signal he’s stringing you along. How many times should a guy flake on you before you give him the boot? Twice, then move on. Once- anyone can have plans change. Twice is the start of a pattern.

4. Tells a Sob Story – This is a trick often used by scammers. They tell you a tale of woe so you feel sorry for them. it could be health, family, legal or financial problems that a man shares to draw you in. He is playing on a woman’s naturally strong empathy so you want to stick by him, help him and show him the world is a good place.

5. Long Distance Encounters – So many women fall for guys who live in the far away. Whether he’s a few states away or in another country, he’s not geographically desirable. Having a simple date is out of the question. It becomes a big ordeal to see you and requires planning a trip, taking time off, and overnight visits.

This is great for fantasy and might be a highly romantic and fun fling. But the chances of something like this blossoming into a lasting relationship are just about…zero. The distance makes a simple date impossible, so don’t even get started. Look locally for love and avoid this heartbreaking trap.

Stringing While Dating

Now, let’s say you actually are dating a man who you fear is stringing you along. Here are a few signs that’s happening as well.

6. Plans Are Complicated – When a man always has to get back to you and making plans is  complicated, he could be stringing you along. He’s looking for his best option and you are only one of several possibilities. If you’re always waiting for him to get back to you, he’s stringing you along.

7. He’s Separated – He may say he’s in the process of divorce, but a separated man is NOT divorced yet. It takes time to heal from divorce, but first you have to GET DIVORCED. Chances are you’ll be pulled into his drama and ride an emotional roller coaster that stresses you out. Therapists agree the best solution is not to date men who haven’t been divorced for at least a year.

8.  No Labels –  After a few months of dating you want to be “boyfriend and girlfriend” and don’t like when he introduces you as his “friend”. If you ask him, he might change the subject, be evasive, ask for more time or say he’s not into labels and doesn’t want to define the relationship.

This puts you on alert that he’s not serious about you because a man who wants to keep you around will do what it takes to make you happy.

9. Long Distance Relationships– Maybe you’ve actually gotten together with your long distance guy. Whether its one or a few times and regardless of how intense the romance is, a long distance guy might not be capable of or want more. The distance is perfect for him so you don’t crowd his style or try to take things deeper.

If he doesn’t start introducing you to friends and family, don’t involve you in his life or tell you his future plans (with you in them) you are at risk of heartbreak and wasting time.

So, Is He Stringing Me Along?

If you are thinking this, the answer is YES!

What should you do? Stop responding! Stop communicating and unfriend or unfollow him on all social media. Block him on your phone too.

OK, this happened to you had you’ll feel sad for a while. But you are not giving up anything because he was never serious about you. His actions have proved that. Let him go and move on to find a local guy who wants to spend time with you and asks you out weekly to find a lasting, loving relationship.

 

Will He Ever Ask Me Out? Understanding Men

Will he ever ask me out? I see this guy in our sports league and parties. He sticks with me when he sees me but, doesn’t ask me out. Will he come around?

will he ever ask me outShe’s Wondering, “Will He Ever Ask Me Out?”

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I know a guy through a sports league and we got close over the summer (he’s 44 and I’m 43). We haven’t gone out on ‘dates’ but would see each other at volleyball and end up staying later than everyone else, just the two of us having drinks.

We had great conversations and have a lot in common. Nothing intimate happened for a couple months. We have many mutual friends so we end up at the same parties and get togethers. If he knows I’m going to be there, he will be there and ensure we end the night together.

He mentioned a while back that he didn’t think he was ready for anything serious. I told him I was looking for more of an emotional connection with someone. A few weeks later, we ended up sleeping together.  He texted me the following night to ask me about how my team did that day.

He doesn’t text me very often. It seems like he needs liquid courage to do so. If I text him he responds. He engages on my Facebook page regularly and didn’t do this before we were intimate.

Pushy Women Take Charge

His last relationship ended in February and he said she was pushy and controlling. His prior marriage was with a pushy woman as well so I haven’t initiated contact much. I really want this man to ask me out. I’m not sure if he’s being cautious because of his relationships or if he isn’t into me like I thought he was.

I would think that if all he wanted was sex he would disappear after he got it. While he does pop up here and there, he doesn’t make a move. I think he wants me to pursue him because that’s what he is used to.

My gut tells me not to pursue. I’m wondering if a man sometimes takes more than a week or two to sort out his feelings, especially if he didn’t think he was ready for anything serious. I feel he does like me and is attracted. What are the chances he’ll come around and ask me out and how long might that take?

Please help!
Hopeful in Hartford”

 

Hi Hopeful,

Men are easier to understand than you might think. You just have to know how to “read between the lines” of what they say and do.This is one of my specialties – radically simplifying how to understand men.

He Doesn’t Want a Relationship

First and most important he told you he did NOT want a relationship. When a man says this PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE HE MEANS IT. Believe it for this guy and believe it any time you hear this in the future. Men never say this if they don’t mean it. It’s the most honest thing he’s probably said to you.

So, not taking the next step to ask you out isn’t because he’s cautious or doesn’t like you enough, he just doesn’t want to have a relationship and that’s often what dates lead to. It’s so much easier to just bump into you and let it just be something that happens.

Don’t Pursue Men

You say he’s used to pushy women. That’s because he rather not be responsible for what happens. This explains why you’re getting the feeling he wants you to pursue him. He can then absolve himself and say, “Hey, I told her I didn’t want a relationship but, she pursued me.” That’s why you are SO SMART NOT to DO IT. Don’t pursue men – it only leads to heartbreak.

He’s Not Emotionally Available

He might be stunted emotionally – maybe for life, maybe just for a while. But here’s the most crucial question of all – how long are you willing to wait for a man like that? He is not whole – something is missing or not completely right. He may be a great person and a great guy, but that doesn’t mean he’d be great in relationship.

Attraction is NOT Enough

I’m not saying he doesn’t like you. I’m sure he does like you and is attracted or he wouldn’t stick by your side or sleep with you. But you want more than a man who finds you attractive – you want a relationship that lasts and deepens and he’s simply not capable.

Missing the Essential Element for a Healthy Relationship

Yes, there is plenty you like about him. But he’s missing the most essential element for a man you want to be in relationship with – DESIRE for a relationship. He doesn’t want it or he would do something about it. To make you “his”. This is why he bumps into you rather than scheduling dates.

Sadly there is absolutely NOTHING you can do because he needs healing and only he can take the needed steps.

Here’s What You Can Do

The best thing you can do is come to grips with reality of the situation and who he really is. Have the self respect and awareness to recognize a lost cause. Rely on your own emotional maturity and skills for self-preservation to let go and move on.

There are other, better men out there who do want a relationship. Please go find one. I’m so very sorry to say this guy will never make you happy because he CAN’T. The answer to your question, “Will he ever ask me out?” sadly is NO.

 

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Maria Allyn Midlife Fulfillment Coach: Your Mojo’s Waiting

Maria Allyn Midlife Fullment CoachMojo
noun mo·jo \’mo-(,)jo\
A power that may seem magical and that
allows someone to be very effective, successful, etc.
A
magic spell, hex, or charm; broadly:
magical power.

~Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary

Have you ever looked in the mirror and murmured, “Honey, you got this”? Having that unmistakable feeling of being able to own any room you walked into?

Knowing you have an aura of confidence would immediately make you feel at home in any setting. That’s your mojo at work. Your unique, signature energy that leaves its mark everywhere you go. That may be a distant memory for many, but trust me , your body remembers vividly. It’s been on high alert just waiting to follow your command to bring it forth.

So often our magical blueprint gets swallowed up by the demands of life. Even though we carry our mojo with us always, she is a demanding diva who needs to be acknowledged and celebrated. Without that continued self care, she naps. I mean what’s the fun of spreading your magic if its not valued and encouraged?

As children we honor our mojo. We expect faces to light up when we enter a room and for others to be completely captivated by our tales. We instinctively know that we are magical, gifted beings that sprinkle glitter wherever we go.

As we get older, we become jaded by harsh realities and that inner diva gets silenced. Will we be perceived as arrogant and alienate people? Is this magic meant just for childhood and is living a charmed life not for adults?

I’m here to convince you that your magic never dies. It’s an energy that walks hand in hand with us. Its a power, when harnessed , that allows us to get in tune with our passions and live authentically.

Remember that confidence, eagerness and absolute knowing that enveloped our earlier days? If your feeling depressed and unmotivated, chances are that you need to wake up Ms. M. She’s in there snoozing under layers of cozy down comforters.

Here are some tips to do just that:

1) Clear your head– Its hard to connect with your mojo when your mind is being pulled in a million directions. Ms. M is used to being center stage and will not compete to be heard. Take a sabbatical from social media, limit your TV and let your texting fingers rest. It’s during these quiet times that our mojo connects.

2) Do something childish– Indulge yourself in an activity that has no purpose but fun. Connect to that part of you that fully enjoys the moment.; color, collect pretty objects, sing at the top of your lungs, finger paint or bang on a piano. Feel the pleasure of just doing with no agenda. Your mojo thrives on that.

3) Kick the “Old Farts” to the curb–  This is a way of being and not a chronological issue . If you surround yourself with naysayers and  “glass half empty” folks you may never give yourself permission to live a magical life. The feedback back from your buddies may be too daunting. Find people who light you up and put pep in your step. You can hang out with the “stick in the muds” in the graveyard.

You may want to stay on track doing regular mojo maintenance by using these tips . Also, I give moxie and mojo strengthening tips on my weekly, Wednesday , Facebook live feed. Your mojo is like a muscle and gets strengthened every time you embrace it. It will eventually become your way of life. A midlife filled with giggles, gusto and adventure.

“Being a playwright of any race is difficult, and Lord knows it gets
more difficult the further you get from the middle of the road. I
don’t know what kind of magic my mojo is working, but it’s working. “

~Suzan-Lori Parks

P.S. Your mojo’s calling you! Don’t make her wait.

Get Maria’s Amazing Guide for FREE

5 Easy Ways to Jump Start Joy

 

Meet Maria Allyn – Midlife Fulfillment Coach

Maria Allyn Midlife Fulfillment CoachMaria Allyn is known as the “Midlife Master”. She has dedicated her practice to helping midlife women reignite their zest for life and live their second chapter filled with passion and purpose. She is the creator of Midlife Mastery, her signature program , that has transformed the lives of women all over the world. Her motto is ,”If not now …when”. A reminder to midlife women to make themselves a priority, live with no regrets and not waste another minute living the wrong life.

She obtained her Master’s Degree in Organizational Development and Leadership from the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine, is the married mother of 3 feisty adult girls and loves travel and the arts.

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Why Did He Text Me Out of the Blue? Understand How Men Think

Millions of women ask, “Why did he text me out of the blue?” Most times, the reason is simpler than you imagine if you understand how men think.

Why Men’s Communication Is So Confusing

why did he text me out of the blue“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I dated a man who claimed he had a crush on me for 5 years. I had no idea but decided to give him a shot. We dated for a month and I started to develop strong feelings for him. He told me he didn’t want a girlfriend, just wanted to have fun.

I cut off the relationship because I knew I would get hurt and we parted ways.

Two years later, I get a text from him. He says he’s been thinking about me and asked how I’ve been doing. We texted for 20 minutes back and forth. Then a few days went by. After a week I texted asking if he wanted to get a drink if he wasn’t involved with anyone. He never responded.

Why Leave the Conversation with Loose Ends?

Why would a man tell you he’s thinking about you but leave the conversation with loose ends? Why would he text me out of the blue like that? It seems to me he would have had enough respect to tell me if he’s involved.

Some friends say he’s afraid to go out with me because I rejected him by ending the last relationship. I’d love to know your thoughts about what happened.

Thanks!
Disrespected in Delaware”

Dear Disrespected,

I know this behavior looks really confusing but, that’s where I can help!

Different Ways of Thinking

The first thing you need to know about how men think is that it’s nothing like how women think. We have reasons and put feelings behind everything we do. Often our motivation is buried beneath the surface. Women try to say something or take action in a way that will not reveal our true feelings.

It’s not the same for men.

I’m not saying they don’t have deep feelings or motivations. It’s just that men are actually simpler to understand. They are more direct than women for the most part. That is if you know what to watch for and don’t use your own feminine thought process to understand what is going on.

In other words, don’t go for the deep meaning. Go for the surface value. I’ll explain more in a minute.

Was His Crush Real?

So this guy claimed to have a five year crush on you before asking you out. Was that true? Probably. But his crush was probably not relationship oriented.  It was more attraction based and most likely he had been fantasizing about sleeping with you for five years.

Thankfully he told you the truth within a month, saying he just wanted to have fun and not get into a relationship. That actually was his way of being respectful and honest.

Breaking Up with Him

You were wise to end the relationship once you realized you did not want the same thing – a relationship and lasting love. Why continue hoping he’ll change his mind? Good for you! So many women sadly fool themselves thinking a casual guy will suddenly become a man seeking lasting love. That doesn’t happen.

Why Did He Text Me Out of the Blue?

So why would a man text you out of the blue asking how you are?

For one thing, my bet is he’s still fantasizing about you. Men spend a lot of time thinking about sex and fantasizing. According to WebMD, men think about sex 19 times a day compared to women at 10 times a day. That’s nearly twice as much.

Maybe he also needed an ego boost. Perhaps he felt lonely or down. What better way to fix that than by texting to see if you would respond, text back and still be interested? Turns out you were and that’s all he wanted to know. For him, that felt satisfying in itself! There’s no reason for him to take things further.

Like most women, you thought he must want to see you. He must want more or why even get started with a text? Sorry, you’re thinking like a woman again. Hey, I understand and thought that way too when I was dating. But that sort of thinking will cause disappointment and could lead to a broken heart if you don’t catch it fast enough.

He’s Not Afraid Like Your Friends Think

This is another classic example of how women think. He’s not afraid to see you because you rejected him. If he were testing the waters by texting, he found out you’d be interested. But, that didn’t get him to respond to your request for a drink. So nope, not afraid.

Understanding How Men Think

When it comes to understanding how men think, and especially why did he text me out of the blue, remember that men often have a simple motivation. Ask yourself this next time something like his comes up again, “Could this be a way to boost his ego?” If the answer is yes, you can still respond or participate, just don’t think there is deeper meaning.

Now on a rare occasion a man’s interest might blossom into something more. He might decide dating you is a good idea and that you could be the one. The point is don’t think he’s serious from the start.

His attraction to you is not a sign of lasting romantic interest. But if you can keep yourself in the present moment vs. forging ahead to how great the two of you could be together, then you can date him and enjoy it.

How to Avoid Disappointment

If you are reading this and are often disappointed by men, the best solution is to adopt the mindset I call “POSITIVE NEUTRALITY”. You can be optimistic about a guy, but don’t think he’s “The One” until he proves that to you over 2-3 months. After he makes a consistent effort to get to know you, stay in touch and go on weekly dates (or more) – then you can start thinking he has potential.

This is how you guard your heart while enjoying dating and avoid prematurely attachment, disappointment or a broken heart.

Thankfully in this case, you didn’t get ahead of yourself. And now you know that his texting didn’t mean anything about your future or wanting to see you again. It was just something he did in that moment to feel better or satisfy his curiosity.

If you look at understanding how men think in this way, you’ll have a much easier time dating and finding love.

Ready to find out how I found the man I married and discover the proven strategies for midlife dating so you can find love too? Click here to get a copy of my flagship guide to love after 40 that has helped so many midlife women just like you.

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Online Dating Profile Tips to Find Love Over 40

Online Dating Profile Tips

There’s a lot more to a winning online profile then you think. The written material needs to be conversational, upbeat and fun to read. Talk about what you do want in a partner and not what you don’t want. Keep it on the shorter side around 250-300 words. Be sure to include a vivid description of yourself and how you spend your time.

Don’t talk about all the things every woman says like walking on the beach, going to the movies, dining out, working out, or snuggling in front of a fire. That’s so common everyone says that! Think about what you’d do on a rainy Sunday afternoon or what things in life make you smile. Don’t be afraid to be an individual!

You don’t have much time to catch a man’s eye so put anything you think a man would find interesting first. Activities like professional sports, hiking, music, an interest in history, etc. will catch his attention.

Then take time to describe your partner. Think about who is he as a person. What does he like to do? How much energy does he have? Does he prefer indoor or outdoor activities, socializing and a healthy lifestyle? Is he kind, does he have a sense of humor, and will he be a supportive partner?

Give your profile some thought because it helps a man identify with you and want to connect or see that you’re not a match and opt out. These online dating profile tips make a big difference to help you enjoy more activity.

The Best Online Dating Photos

A picture is worth 1,000 words – that hasn’t changed. Below you’ll find an infographic with 15 of my best online dating photo tips spelled out, plus one more underneath the art. If you follow this advice for your pictures, you’ll get plenty of attention and dates!

Online dating profile tips - photos

 

I have one more tip for great online dating photos – don’t forget about your body language! Avoid folding your arms in front of you or elevating your chin, etc. And be sure to show off your best smile!

If your profile isn’t getting the attention you want from the right kind of men, call me for a Digital Dating Makeover! 1+ 203-877-3777 in the US. Outside the US, if you don’t have an international calling plan, send me an email

 

Thanks to Portia at Truly Asian Dating for this amazing infographic!

 

How To Tell If He’s Playing Me – Understanding Men

How to tell if he’s playing me – This is a common worry all single women have. There are a few telltale signs to watch out for in this post so read on!

how to tell if he's playing me“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met this guy on a dating site and have seen each other for nearly 6 weeks. Slept together fairly soon and we have both admitted to liking each other very much. We text mostly during the week and he calls at night sometimes for 2-3 hours. We talk about everything and have sleepovers at each others house every weekend.

He comes around one week night for a visit and we usually end up sleeping together. We have been to breakfast, a few lunches and a dinner date. Yet, he’s vague about how he feels about me except he likes me “too much” whatever that means in men language.

Are We Exclusive?

I sometimes feel like he is playing me because he’s sending mixed signals about what he feels and wants. Other times it seems he really does like me (he cuddles me after sex, etc.)  He hasn’t said anything more or talked about being exclusive. He hasn’t said we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I’m not sure if he is just scared to admit to me how he really feels.

I’m starting to fall for him yet too scared to tell him because I really like him. The sex is amazing. I’m scared he may not feel the same way and I’ll get my heart broken (by yet another man).

Another thing that bothers me is that after 6 weeks he is still active on the dating site, saying that he is just clearing messages and waiting for his current subscription to run out and he won’t renew. Well we will find out in 10 days.

What do you think? Should I just ask him straight out what we are and whether he feels more for me than just liking me “too much” or are we just sex buddies who hang out like friends before and after? I do enjoy the sex and his company but I don’t want just that. I want more and if he doesn’t want the same, I’ll be heart broken.

Thank you,
Miss Confused”

 

Dear Miss Confused,

I completely understand your angst. He seems to like you, but at six weeks most men don’t declare their intentions. Even though when you are in it – this feels like a long time, in relationship terms, it’s still early. Sometimes it takes 10-12 weeks for a man to make things clear, and yet he still might not say the “L” word.

This is why dating isn’t easy. Every woman goes through a limbo period where you just can’t know what will come of things. Dating involves risk for sure. That’s why you cannot date if you fear rejection and heartbreak – they are often part of the territory. The solution is to build your confidence and self-respect which will get you through the rough spots if they occur.

However, you can become SMARTER about knowing what to look for and recognizing the signs of a man who might not have the best intentions.

So you ask, “How to tell if he’s playing me?” I see a few signals that are cause for concern.

Ask for Exclusivity

You’ve been sleeping with this man for 6 weeks but you never talked about exclusivity? Sometimes women are afraid to bring this up thinking it’s too much to ask. It’s NOT TOO MUCH. Let me encourage you to ask BEFORE sleeping with a new guy. That way you aren’t left wondering and feeling vulnerable.

Here’s how you ask. When it’s clear he wants to have sex, you can say, “I only sleep with a man when we become exclusive.” Then he has a choice.

Naturally this isn’t really appropriate for the first few dates which is why if you want to avoid a broken heart, hold off for a while. Try waiting until date five or six. If he’s still asking you out for that many dates, the chances are better he’s more serious. Not 100%, but definitely better.

If a man doesn’t want to date you without sleeping with you, there’s your answer – he’s not serious he just wants to get laid. And if he won’t agree to exclusivity, same thing.

Since you’ve been sleeping together this long, you no longer have the same leverage. But you can still tell him you want exclusivity to move forward. Just be prepared to move on if he doesn’t say yes. No excuses or you are allowing yourself to be disrespected.

Take Profiles Down

Part of exclusivity is obviously not dating other women. So the profiles need to come down if you want to know he’s serious. This guy just wants to look until his subscription is over? That’s quite an excuse! How is that reasonable?

Either he wants to be with you r he’s still looking. It’s that simple. Yes in 10 days you will know for sure if he chooses to take it down or not. But that’s doesn’t mean you are exclusive until you discuss it and both agree. You need to hear the words spoken from his mouth – “Yes, we are exclusive.”

To ask a man about taking down profiles, here’s a script that helps you quickly discover a man’s intentions. “Men are still contacting me online and I’m not sure what to do about it.” Since you made a statement here but didn’t ask a direct question, he can feel free to be himself.

He might claim you as his by suggesting you both take down the profiles and become exclusive. Or he might ask what you want to do which of course you can respond by saying, “I’d like us to both take down out profiles.” Then see what he says. There is only one acceptable answer which is yes to taking them down and becoming exclusive.

Do not accept a 10 day window or any reasoning for not doing this, especially at 6 weeks. Will he really decide after he’s examined every other woman on the site he’s going to focus on you? I doubt it. Any reason is NOT a good sign for his long-term potential.

Likes You “Too Much”

Saying he likes you “Too Much” sort of gives you a hint that he doesn’t want to get serious. What does too much mean? It’s like saying it’s too much for the casual relationship I really want. My bet is he doesn’t want a committed relationship. He likes the easiness of how things are going with no pressure on him at all.

This isn’t such a good sign either.

Hot Chemistry Does NOT Indicate Feelings

I know this may be hard to hear, but hot chemistry is not a sign of growing feelings. This is a more primal indicator of being great sexual partners for the purpose of survival of the species, not lasting love.

Many women confuse these thinking he couldn’t possibly make them feel so incredible in bed without having the same feelings you do. Sadly that’s just not true. Some men are experts at sex without feelings or commitment. So when you ask, “How to tell if he’s playing me?” you can’t base the answer on hot chemistry.

Mixed Signals

If you are not getting clear signals about how a man feels, that means he might not be clear either or he doesn’t want what you want. Most often that’s a man who doesn’t want a committed relationship. Or he may not be emotionally available or wounded so he’s skittish. Neither one is the best scenario.

But do not fall back on a man being SHY. That is NEVER the reason a man sends mixed signals. He might prefer to be casual and he knows that’s now what you want. So he’ll hang in there as long as you allow.

Enjoying your feminine presence, emotional support and great sex, doesn’t mean he wants a loving, committed relationship. Many men (and women) are happy with a partner who is good enough for now. And the chances of this suddenly shifting into lasting love are super rare.

Mixed signals are a sign that your “dating agenda” and his are different. So pay attention when you feel this happening.

How to Tell If He’s Playing Me?

Okay, I’ve covered six areas that help you know if he’s playing you. It doesn’t look good right now. I’m not saying he’s a bad person and doing this to hurt you. I’m sure he does like you and enjoy your company. But I’m not nearly as certain he wants more.

Sounds to me like you are at the point where you might as well find out where he stands. Try the script I suggested about online dating and taking down the profiles. Or wait the 10 days I guess. But, be good to yourself, keep your dignity and don’t stick with a man who won’t agree to be exclusive or take down his profile.

Don’t Ask about His Feelings

One last piece of dating advice – don’t ask him about his feelings for you. It’s too early and this is one of the most painful question a woman can ask a man. You don’t need to hear him express his feelings really to move forward. If he agrees to see only you, that is a positive move forward. Expressing feelings takes time and you don’t want to rush him about that.

If this doesn’t go forward, next time you look for a new guy, make sure you have clear boundaries. Quality men respect a woman who knows herself an sets limits. Hold off on sleeping together for several weeks and at least 5-6 dates if you can. Let a man know you won’t sleep with him without being exclusive which does mean taking profiles down. Be true to yourself to attract a better man who wasnt the same lasting love that you want.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can Long Distance Relationships Work? Understanding Men

Can long distance relationships work? This is a big question without a simple answer. Here’s my dating advice.

can long distance relationships work“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I am chatting with a guy and we already met. He flew all the way from Canada to Lisbon and he sponsored my ticket too. After meeting his interest was not the same level anymore. He gave an excuse that he might be busy with work.

I like him but, I can’t understand how he lets the days pass without messaging me. I always initiate the conversation and throws out questions just to keep the conversation going. Sometimes I feel like giving up with this long distance thing. I don’t know what is wrong with him. He doesn’t say anything but I feel bad that he is ignoring me.

I don’t know where I went wrong too. Sometimes I feel maybe I am too honest with my feelings and giving myself away so easily. Am I just being paranoid or maybe I don’t understand men in general?

I feel that if I mattered to him, he could have found a little bit of time for me. All I need to hear from him is closure for this. But what if he is just really busy and messaging him will blow this away? Please tell me what to do Ronnie.

Longing in Lisbon”

Dear Longing,

When you meet a man you really like, hit it off and then things sort of dangle there in limbo, wow that’s hard. If he doesn’t stay in touch you are left hanging and wondering which is emotionally draining to say the least. So asking, “Can long distance relationships work?” this lack of communication makes it almost impossible.

Almost every day I get emails from women all over the world who are stressing and asking can long distance relationships work. Sometimes they’ve met and other times they’ve communicated for months or longer but haven’t met in person. This is such a huge problem for so many single women.

So to all of you suffering through a long distance relationship, here’s what I want you to think about:

1.Romantic Trips Do NOT Have Meaning

You’re communicating with a man who lives in another state or country and you decide to meet. You might both fly somewhere in between or one of you flies to the other’s location. How exciting! Meeting a stranger (even though you do know something about him) is the height of romantic adventure!

Keep in mind this is highly romantic for him too. Some men adore women and romance and really enjoy flying off to meet you. Does that mean he wants a long-term, long distance relationship? Nope, not at all. That’s an entirely different matter. Time together might have been fabulous, but there’s nothing saying he wants to see you again.

Men like romance too. They like the excitement, the adventure and the fantasy. Just don’t mistake this for a prelude to a lasting relationship.

2. Requires Two Committed People

Long-distances relationships can work when both people are equally committed. The distance matters less when you have some foundation and time together before the distance comes into play. Keeping love alive when you are out of sight is hard work.

Since you only met once, there is no commitment. He’s not committed to you, to exclusivity or to making your connection work. You barely know him having spent so little time together. And he’s already pulling away and being unresponsive. His behavior is NOT indicative of a man who is serious about you.

3. One-Sided Relationships

You’ve been doing ALL the work to keep the relationship alive. But that doesn’t seem to help. You are right – IF YOU REALLY MATTERED TO HIM, HE WOULD MAKE TIME FOR YOU. That’s your evidence he’s not committed or into you enough to do his part.

Many women have a tendency to reach out more when a man pulls away, but that is not a good strategy. The more you lean in to connect the more he backs away which is why I recommend against being the one to initiate at the start of dating. You can’t know what he’s thinking so it’s best to let a man prove himself to you. This guy is proving that he’s not the right guy or he would stay in touch.

You also asked about being too honest with your feelings. This is another place where you don’t want to be lopsided.

That’s why letting a man express his feelings first is a better strategy. This makes things go more smoothly than when a women reveals her feelings first. Give him room to lead the way. Letting him know how much you care too soon makes a man feel uneasy and pull away. When he’s sure you like him that’s not nearly as exciting as if he had to work hard to win you over.

We all want what we can’t have or what’s not easily attained. Call it human nature. I can’t say if that’s what happened here – he might just not want a relationship.

He’s Too Busy

When a man tells you he’s busy, that’s his way of saying, “Don’t expect anything from me. I’m not that interested to make time for you.” It’s like some secret code men have, thinking that will hurt your feelings less than the truth.

Other excuses from the “man code” include sudden illness, family issues, a difficult boss, problems at work, and big projects needing his attention first.

All these things are a man’s way of saying, “You are not my priority.” They are emotionally unavailable men who turn to excuses women wouldn’t consider arguing with since they sound valid. Often men try to push you away thinking you’ll get the hint and stop bothering him.

4. Your Own Unavailability

Okay, this is delicate but, I have found this to be true at times. Is there any part of you that fears a close relationship? Sometimes it’s easier to fall for a guy at a distance since he won’t take up too much of your time. He can’t crowd your style or influence your decisions. He’s too far away.

Long distance relationships can work well for two people who don’t have much time and want something real but limited. For example, two busy professionals who travel a lot.

Many times women don’t even realize they are not really emotionally available either. If you date men who are not completely available, it might be worth looking within to see if that is also true of you just in case.

Can Long Distance Relationships Work?

So in answer to the big question, “Can long distance relationships work?” my response is…sometimes. If there is a foundation, the man continues to pursue you, makes plans and visits, then he is demonstrating genuine interest.

But I’m so sorry to say in this case I don’t think so. Looks like you had a romantic fling which isn’t a bad thing at all.

Let go and look for a local man. Someone within an hour or two of where you live. Make your life easier and date geographically desirable men – its just a smart thing to do.

 

Ready to get past your confusion about men and dating? Great! Get my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means and subscribe to my newsletter too.

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Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out? Understanding Men

“Why doesn’t he ask me out?” Does that question plague your mind about a certain man? Read on to find out what is likely going on and what you can do.

why doesn't he ask me outTell Me! Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Has this happened to you?

You know a man who you see often at work, church or with a group of friends. He’s always flirty and seems interested. He might go out of his way to stop by your desk or sit besides you at a social gathering. The two of you really click and have a great time whenever you see each other.

So you wonder, (and rightly so) “Why does he ask me out? It’s just so confusing. He might even Talk about getting together or asking you out. But, he doesn’t take that step. No date ever gets set up. With some men, they might set up the date but always cancel.

Arrrgh! What the heck?!? What is going on in his mind that keeps him from following through and asking you out?

How Men Think

Well, here’s a little peak inside a man’s mind as to why this happens. You might be surprised. You might think these reasons couldn’t possibly apply to you. So let me just tell you right now – yes, they do apply. Even to you regardless of the situation or if it’s a little bit different. It doesn’t – these are the reasons why he’s following through.

Attraction Is Not Enough

First keep in mind this has NOTHING TO DO WITH ATTRACTION. Yes, he finds you attractive or he wouldn’t bother with you. But his strong attraction has nothing too do with serious romantic intent. If he wanted to date you HE WOULD. But he’s not and there are a number of reasons why that is.

I know you might feel like I”m being too harsh or lacking compassion. I do understand but I feel for you and want my readers or others who drop by for some insight into men’s behavior to know what’s going on.

8 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Ask You Out

  1. He’s Got a Woman in His Life. Yup, he is married but doesn’t wear a ring, lives with a woman or has a girlfriend. This woman doesn’t keep him from flirting his butt off, but she sure does curtail his willingness to date other women. And yes, you’d be the OTHER woman if he did.
  2. He Doesn’t Want to Date Anyone. No matter how much he flirts or how great you are together. No matter how into you he seems, he doesn’t want a relationship. That’s why he doesn’t ask you out – he doesn’t want to go on dates or get involved.
  3. He Needs an Ego Boost. When you flirt with this guy, it feels so good to him. He soaks up your flirtatious energy and his ego gets the boost he needs. Maybe he’s a bit down, or life has gotten hard, or he carves female attention. It doesn’t matter why really. He just needs the strokes to feel more confident, attractive and desirable.
  4. He Enjoys Flirting. The flirty interactions you share are great fun! It’s creative, sexy and highly entertaining. So he does it whenever he can to pass the time and feel alive. In fact, it seems like he can’t get enough. But he still won’t ask you out and he never will.
  5. He Looks Good in Front of Other Men. This is another version of the ego boost because when this man flirts, its usually for an audience. He not only wants your attention, he wants  men to see how you desire him. So, it’s all about him, and not really about you at all.
  6. He Loves the Fantasy. Flirting with you gives him plenty of fantasy fodder. He might use your encounters alone or think about you when he’s with his woman to spice things up. Yuck right? Happens ALL the time.
  7. He Knows He’s Not Your Man. Sometimes a guy knows he’s out of his league. Or you are out of his. But he still finds you incredibly attractive and loves the banter. He never acts on this connection because put simply, he knows better. It’s clear to him it would never work out.
  8. He’s Not Capable of a Relationship. Not all men want a relationship and on top of that there are those who are simply not capable. They know this so they avoid starting anything up with you.

Are there other answers for “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” Most likely. I’m sure I haven’t covered every option possible. But this is a good dose of reality for why men refuse to take that next step.

What Can You Do?

Enjoy the flirting and let it boost your ego. Have fun with it. Acknowledge the exchanges are great practice so you can flirt with other men who ARE available.

If enjoying conversations with him just makes you feel bad, then avoid him. Or tell him you no longer want to play the game. Or be more coy and just cut him off or keep the conversations short. Tell him you’ve got to get back to work.

You have many options. The only one not open to you is dating him or getting him to change his mind.

So take your pick and handle things the best you can. Then, move on as soon as possible because there are plenty more fish in the sea. Seek out a man who wants a fabulous woman like you for a lasting, loving relationship. They do exist!

 

Dating After Divorce: The Best Way to Meet Men Over 40

If you’re dating after divorce, you want to know the best way to meet men over 40. Women ask me every day and this is the dating advice I share with them.

Dating after divorce Dating after Divorce & Over 40?

Every day, women ask me what is the best way to meet men over 40. Most of them don’t want to hear my dating advice. They think that as a dating coach I must know all the hot spots around the country where the quality men gather.

Imagine if I knew exactly where to go in every single city or town across the US – I could make a fortune! Too bad this knowledge isn’t available. Maybe in the biggest cities like New York or LA, there are high-end clubs or restaurant and hotel bars where your chances are good to meet men of means.

There are other places to meet men. Guys like historical reenactments, boat and car shows, knife and coin collecting, tools, blacksmithing, motorcycles, camping, sports (professional, college and farm-league), live music, etc. And don’t forget Whole Foods is regarded as a major hot spot for meeting single men around the prepared food counter.

The difficulty is when you go to these places, you don’t know who will be there. it’s impossible to know if the men are single, heterosexual or looking for love.

Qualified vs. Unqualified Men

This why I talk about two categories of men:

  1. Qualified Men – Men who you know are single and looking even if you don’t know exactly what they are looking for – casual dating, hook ups or lasting love and marriage.
  2. Unqualified Men – Yes you know they’re men, but you don’t know if they single, looking for love or just hoping to get lucky.

The places men congregate give you access to Unqualified Men only. You can’t know who is single or straight for that matter. And you’d need to meet an incredible number of men multiple times a week to make this strategy work for you.

Now if you’re serious about finding love, the goal is to meet at least one man per week. So, if you’re a single gal over 40, how are you supposed to meet men?

Let me introduce you to the modern world of dating where the fastest way to meet men is ONLINE.

The Best Way to Meet Men over 40 Is Online Dating and the Apps

I can hear you groaning now as you read this post. You may not like it, but it’s the best tool going to meet more men quickly.

I know – you’ve TRIED online dating and the apps and got no where. You didn’t meet any decent men or they flaked and disappeared. Everyone was a scammer or all the men want younger women. I’ve heard all these reasons to avoid the dating sites.

Trouble is, this method absolutely works WHEN YOU KNOW HOW TO USE IT!

Too bad most single women pop online and do whatever they THINK will work. Or they ask girlfriends for advice, hoping to do the same thing. And that’s why you don’t really know how to meet the kind of men you want through the web.

It’s time to get over your hatred or aversion to online dating and the dating apps. There is no better way to quickly start dating. Your only other viable option is to ask your friends to fix you up on blind dates. But that is often slower than meeting men via the web.

The Solution for Dating After Divorce

If you’ve decided it’s time to get serious about finding love – good for you! Now you’ve got a real chance to find that one special guy.

Now, let me ask you a question from the bigger picture. How important is it to meet the right guy and find the love you dream of? Pretty important right? Then it’s also time to start acting like you mean it. Learn what’s involved. Find out what really works. Discover the strategies that make online dating and the apps more effective.

In my program How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online, you’ll discover everything you need to know to find love online. I’ll lead you through the process so you know how to write a good online dating profile, what to say in emails so men respond, and tips for photos that are sure to turn heads.

When you know how dating over 40 works, you’ll be more effective, you’ll waste less time on the wrong men and you’ll find love faster. That’s what you want right?

There’s nothing wrong with being single if that’s what you want. But if you prefer to share your life with an amazing man, take the time to find out what works. I’m sure you’d rather Sizzle vs. Fizzle online, enjoy dating and meet the man of your dreams.

 

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Stop Fooling Yourself, Girl! 3 Signs He’s Clearly NOT Into You

August 18, 2017 via Yahoo! Style

Are you living in a fantasy?

I’m on a mission to help women see the truth about their dating reality. So many women spill their guts to me about time they’ve wasted on the wrong guys. They have a difficult time knowing when to cut a guy loose and move on or when to give a man the benefit of the doubt.

I’m going to make it easy for you by sharing three scenarios when, time and time again, I see women completely kid themselves about a man’s interest. This way, if you run into these situations in the future, you’ll remember this article and can avoid investing your hope (and time) on Mr. Wrong.

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How Can I Get a Second Date? Understanding Men

How can I get a second date? That question is on the mind of many single gals. Often that’s just how it is. But what if you’re doing something wrong?

How can I get a second dateAre Second Dates Hard to Get?

Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I guess I need to know how can I get a second date? Here’s my story. A lad asked to meet me for coffee and I said yes. He said let me know what day suits. I said I would tell him in the next day or two. He said no problem.

We text away and had flirty texts. Then I texted him and said I’m free Sat? He said, “Okay maybe Saturday I’ll meet you for a quick cuppa. Just a friendly catch up – nothing serious. Is that okay?” I just said yes.

The following day I never heard from him so I presumed he blew me off. Saturday came and I got a message from him saying, “Have you time for that coffee?” I said yes. We met had a great laugh.

Never heard from him at all the rest of the day so I just text that night saying thank you for the coffee. He texted back the following day, “No problem, it was nice to catch up!”

I can’t make all that out!! Why ask me for a coffee and give me so much mixed signals over it? How can I get a second date?

Thanks Ronnie,
British Gal

Managing Your Dating Expectations

Dear British Gal,

OK, let’s talk about managing expectations. You went out for coffee and had a good time. Great! But then you thought he’d be texting you all day after that? Why?

It seems your expectations about dating and maybe men are a bit high.

1.It was JUST COFFEE. You shouldn’t have any expectations about a coffee date. Many people call that Date Zero because it’s not even a real date.

The point of a coffee date is to check each other out.

  • Do you find each other attractive face-to-face?
  • Can you hold a good conversation?
  • Do you get each other’s sense of humor?
  • Do you have similar interests?
  • Are you looking for the same thing?

There is no sense of obligation and no automatic second date after Date Zero, no matter how much fun it was. Whether you drink tea, have a glass of wine or eat ice cream, it’s a very casual rendezvous. So check  your expectations to see if you are in the ballpark of what is really happening.

2. Sense of Timing. Not sure if you know this but a man’s sense of timing about dating is not the same as a woman’s. We get EXCITED when we meet a man we have fun and laugh with and we want more immediately.

That’s not necessarily true for most men. Men often don’t want to appear over-anxious to see you again. They tend to play it cool even if they are into you. So, while some men might text after that first meeting, many wouldn’t think of it. There are plenty of men who still believe in the Three Day Rule and wouldn’t contact you before three days have gone by.

3. Communicating with Men. You seem to have a very small window for when you think a man should be in touch. That’s not how men think. For example, you thought he was blowing you off the day after he asked you for coffee because you didn’t hear from him. But what really happened is he just didn’t text.

I recommend that you relax your expectations overall about men and dating. Do what you can to let things unfold naturally – It takes time to see what will happen. This guy may contact you within three days or the week and ask to see you again.

Handling a Vague Date

Maybe you were irritated that he didn’t schedule the date when he asked you for coffee on Saturday. When a man makes a vague date, you can clarify. Just say something like, “I’ve got a couple of things going on Saturday. Let’s set a time and place now so I can get my errands done around that.”

Texting Does NOT Indicate True Interest

Don’t let a man’s texting habits confuse you or set up expectations. If he texts you a lot, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. The same is true if he only texts sporadically. However, if he once texted you often and then slows down or stops – that’s when you know he’s lost interest.

How to Get a Second Date

Now on to your question about how to get a second date. But first you have to understand what works with dating overall in this modern digital world. Surprisingly, even though it seems like dating has completely changed, what still works best is to let the men lead. In other words, let the man contact you first, ask you out and pay. This is for the first few dates.

Why does this work best? This is the ONLY WAY you’ll be able to tell how into you he is. Leave him alone and see what he does. So, if you don’t want to wait and ask him out instead, you won’t know why he said yes. Maybe he:

  • Is really interested
  • Has nothing better to do
  • You’re good enough until someone better comes along
  • Thinks he’s going to get lucky since you pursued him
  • Isn’t ready for a relationship but will go because you asked

The point is, the way to get a second date is NOT by asking him out. So what does work? Here are five surefire ways to get more second dates.

5 Tips to Get More Second Dates

  1. Be Warm and Friendly – The easier you are to talk to, the more likely he’ll want to see you again. When you are warm and show interest in him, that’s flattering and makes him feel good.
  2. Be Positive – Even if you had a bad day, smile and be upbeat. Don’t talk about your problems – this is like a job interview where you need to show your best side.
  3. Talk about Fun Stuff – Topics like vacation, TV, movies, sports, hobbies, food, books, and music will lead to fun conversations where you’ll get to know someone. Avoid talking about your ex, dating horror stories, or problems with work, kids, health, finances, the law, etc.
  4. Let Him Know Who You Are – Don’t be afraid to shine. It’s good to share who you are and what you enjoy in life so long as you leave space for the guy to talk too.
  5. Be Appreciative – Say thank you at the end of the date and give him one compliment such as: You picked out a great restaurant. You are so easy to talk to. I really love your sense of humor.

Follow these five simple tips and you’ll definitely get more second dates without having to ask men out!

Wishing you love,

how can I get a second date

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Where to Meet Men in NYC like the Real Housewives of New York

,Want to know where to meet men in NYC? As a huge fan of #RHONY, I’m going to share their favorite hot spots so you know where to go.

where to meet men nycSingle in New York?

This season and last, all the Real Housewives of New York are single. That means the Bravo TV camera crew followed them around as they went out to meet quality men.  Below I’ll share six bars they  frequent, plus two more where my own private dating coaching clients have met men!

Best Places to Meet Men in NYC

The Regency Bar is a favorite of Sonja’s and Luann hangs out with her now husband – Tom. Of course it’s also the scene of Tom’s famous cheating episode. (Or perhaps more than one.) Sonja says this bar is best for the well-behaved, since it’s at Loew’s Regency Hotel and has plenty of glass making it similar to a fishbowl.  Keep in mind everything you do can be easily seen by everyone.

On the other hand, Beautique has a special backroom club in the basement which is dark and secluded. You’ll have to impress to gate keeper to get in. Sonja says if you want to drink a little too much, no one will notice here. Good to know Ms. Morgan, thanks. I read a post by Madeline and Ellie, two local, 20 something journalists who were disappointed by the old men to hot young women ratio. Hey, maybe it was just that one night.

At one time The Carlyle was New York’s top luxury, residential hotel and gathering place for socialites. Now called Bemelman’s Bar,  the walls are hand-painted with whimsical art by Ludwig Bemelman who created the children’s book series “Madelaine”. Seems like unusual decor combined with dark wood, warm brown leather and alcohol. Yet, they say its ideal for private conversation with quality men.

#RHONY Mingle with Singles Here

Ramona is also a fan of Raoul’s which is a French Bistro in SoHo known for the best burgers in town. However, they are only available at the bar.  If you have a hankering for quality chopped meat and men, stop in and chow.
Next up is The Bar at the Baccarat Hotel which features a stunning black and white checkerboard floor,  crystal chandeliers. The place is famous for the very long bar you can belly up to. The perfect venue to mingle with men right at the bar where they order drinks and maybe one for you too. You want to know where to meet men in NYC? This is it!

My private dating coaching clients have told me about two other rockin’ places in NYC. Recently reopened in May, 2017,  the Campbell Bar is housed in the office of railroad executive and millionaire John Williams Campbell. Located in Grand Central Station, it was originally called Campbell’s Apartment. The bar is well-known for the ornate, Florentine-style decor.

While there, poke your head into the second bar called Campbell’s Palm near the entrance. (It’s the one with palm trees). And, check out Campbell’s Terrace located where the old taxi stand used to be. A huge awning on Vanderbilt Avenue boldly announces the venues which are no longer a secretive hideaway.

Last but not least, The Refinery Rooftop has been named best hotel bar two years in a row (2016 and 2017). Once a hat factory in the garment district, this lively bar and restaurant has a spectacular view of the Empire State Building. Plus they have live music which adds to the ambiance.

Wondering Where to  Meet Men in NYC?

So, with eight highly recommend night spots to visit attracting “men of means”, you are sure to up your chances of finding love. Please let me know if you meet someone special!

 

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How Do I Know If He’s Playing Games?

 A reader asked me, “How do I know if he’s playing games?” If you are wondering the same thing, I’m going to make it easy for you to know in this post.

how do i know if he's playing gamesIs He Playing Games with Me?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a man on a dating site who seemed interested to get to know me. We both”liked” each others profiles and exchanged a couple of messages about twice a week.

Surprisingly, in all this messaging, he doesn’t ask much about me. To keep the conversation going, I always ended with a question giving him something to respond to. Lately, I noticed that he checks my profile, sees my message and then…waits a week to respond!

Recently, he said maybe we can connect one day when I am free, I told him the days I am free and he waited another week to respond, but gave me his cell asking me to talk by phone.

So, I texted him my number saying that I am looking forward to hearing from him and I told him when I was free. But, he never texted or called! But guess what- he checked my profile again! What is that about?

What should I do? ( I researched him and he is very reputable person and does not play games.)

Thanks for your help,
Dangling in Delaware”

Dear Dangling,

I’m sorry to contradict you but this guy is a TOTAL GAME PLAYER! Are you kidding? This is a huge game played by many men (and yes women too) called “Stringing You Along”.

What You Need to Know about Men and Dating

The next time you meet a new guy and wonder, “How do I know if he’s playing games?” the fact that you even have to ASK let’s you know the answer. YES!

Interested vs. Serious

There’s a big difference between a man texting you, calling or emailing and a man who asks you out. Within the first seven days, most communication is virtual. But a man who is genuinely interested will ask you out almost always within 7 days, 10 at the most and two weeks at the very outside.

Some men have no intention of meeting you even though they show interest by constantly texting or long phone calls. These can be fun for sure, but please understand – this is NOT an indication of true interest. Only live dates demonstrate real interest and a serious intent to see if you are girlfriend material.

How Do I Know If He’s Play Games?

Here are four things this man did that prove he’s not serious:

1.No man with genuine interest would LEAVE YOU HANGING or BE SO VAGUE about getting together. He would want to meet you and watch you laugh, see you smile, and get to know you.

2. A man who really wants to get to know you would NEVER TAKE A WEEK TO RESPOND! That’s terrible! It shouldn’t take more than 24 hours, maybe 48 but that’s already showing a weakness. (That goes for the women responding to men as well.)

3. Men who are genuinely interested would never let you do all the work of holding up the entire conversation. GUYS WHO ARE SERIOUS about getting to know you, want to learn about you so they ASK YOU QUESTIONS. His not asking about you shows a total LACK of interest.

4. I hate to say this but, he’s not really interested in you. He’s USING you to BOOST his EGO. That’s what all the texting and calling is about – him,

Say NO to Game Playing Heart Breakers

I encourage you to let go of the idea that he’s into you. He’s NOT. He’s playing games and boosting his ego. He might be a reputable person as you say but, he’s a cruel dater.

You’d be so much better off moving on now, because he’ll drag this out until you quit and you’ll risk heartbreak over an egotistical bum.

My dating advice to you is to increase your self-worth and know your true value as a woman and a person. No decent, self-respecting woman deserves this kind of treatment.

Perhaps you haven’t dated much so you don’t know about the games men play? This is something I specialize in as a dating coach for women over 40. My bestselling book Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong reveals over 40 games men play and how to spot them quickly.

 (Some women play them too and men get hurt as well.)

Time to Move On

In the future, when a man takes longer than seven days to ask you out, stop texting or talking on the phone and move on. Two weeks at the very most! Otherwise, the guy is most likely another game player who will leave you dangling and wondering.

In addition, if it takes a man several days to return a text – block him! There are no excuses for this kind of behavior except laziness or a lack of genuine interest. If a man has either quality, he’s not worthy of your precious time and good company.

You might also want to read these two posts which talk about texting and vague plans.

Wishing you love,

how do I know if he's playing games

 

 

P.S. Ready to smarten up about dating over 40? Get my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means and subscribe to my newsletter to get empowering dating insights right in your inbox.

 

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Should I Date a Separated Man? Understanding Men

Should I date a separated man? Many single women ask me this. If you’re new to dating, let me clue you in on the best approach to this situation.

should-I-date-separated-manAvoid Dating a Separated Man

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I dated a man last year who told me he was separated from his wife. He said she’d been distant for 7 yrs, moved out 2 yrs earlier and he was ready to move on. We met in a workshop he taught and we all hung out talking until he and I were alone.

I offered to draw his portrait. While I did, we shared about our lives and at the end of the night we kissed. Then we made plans to meet before he traveled back to his home. We dated for a few months until one day he told me his wife had moved back in without telling him.

He came back from a work trip and there she was. He said he loved me but loved her too and didn’t know what to do. I told him I wouldn’t be a mistress or the other woman but would continue working with him and try to be his friend. This is why I wondered from the start, “Should I date a separated man?”

He would often share a little too much about his relationship with his wife and their ups and downs which was difficult for me. And sometimes he flirted and said he missed me.

So I am stuck feeling guilty that I can’t have a good working relationship with him. But I also feel like I can’t trust him anymore. My gut tells me to stay away and think I’m afraid of letting him go.

Thanks for your help!
Shelly”

Dear Shelly,

Your instincts to stay away are on target. If you can’t trust him, how could you work with him, never mind have a relationship? Trust is the foundation for any relationship – business or romance.

Some Married Men Say They’re Separated, Looking for Affairs

I also question some of this man’s story. After two years of not living with his wife, they still didn’t get divorced? They didn’t even start proceedings? That sounds fishy to me. It makes me wonder if she ever moved out.

He said he was ready to move on from her but, he didn’t do anything about it except date you. That’s not the sign of a man who is done. Was he really ready to move on or just ready for a fling…with you?

How do you know his wife really moved back in? Did you ever stay at his house? I suppose his story could be true, yet the end result is the same. He went back to his wife and shut you out romantically.

Don’t Trade Emotional Support for Love

Why is he telling you about his relationship with her? Was he looking for sympathy? Why did you listen? Did you benefit from these conversations? My bet is you were being “nice” and a good friend and you didn’t benefit at all. I caution women about trading sympathy, friendship and listening skills in the hope of a man’s love.

I’m not sure why you feel guilt over not being able to work with him. Do you somehow feel you are letting him down? Seriously, I hope you don’t feel that way. You have nothing to feel guilty about since you didn’t lie, cheat or send him packing.

Don’t Mix Business with Romance

For most people, mixing business with romance ends up in some kind of drama. Both have their own kind of stress, but put them together and whoa! As you can see, when one thing hits bottom, the other follows quickly.

Last but not least, let me address being afraid to let go. You are not alone with this fear – many women feel that way when it comes to breaking up. But if you sit back and think about this objectively – there’s nothing to let go of because you’re not in a relationship with him – he went back to his wife.

The only thing you’re letting go of is HOPE that there might be more again someday. That’s not actually anything…real. Hope works wonders when it comes to illness. But when it comes to love…it’s the cause of so much unnecessary heartache.

He’s already gone. Your only choice now is to LET GO. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll heal so you can get out there and meet someone new.

So if you are seeking lasting love, my last comment on your question:

Should I date a separated man?

is NO WAY!

 

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Why Do Guys Make Vague Plans? Understanding Men

The big question – why do guys make vague plans? Read on as I explain what it means when a man exhibits this confusing behavior.

why do guys make vague plansShould I Set Up the Date?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy online and we messaged a few times. There was some witty banter and it was okay but he didn’t ask me anything about myself or the things I wrote on my profile (big pet peeve). The conversation was okay. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He texted me “hi, how are you?” and I replied and got one word answers like, “Great, awesome or okay”. No real conversation.

Then he said we should pick a day to meet. I said “Okay, call me to set something up after July 4th”. He called me on the 6th. Conversation was okay, mostly me asking questions or talking again. We don’t seem to have much in common.

We Should Set a Date

At the end of the call he said we should set a date. I said let me know when is good for you and where we’ll go (I like a guy to ask me out). He replied, “I’m free whenever” then we ended the call. I felt bad about not having a date set up so I texted him, “I’m free every weekend but this one so let me know”. He texted back, “I will”.

Ronnie, I’m confused! Am I being difficult? Is there a difference between a guy who talks about setting a date and a guy who actually sets one?

Thanks for your help!
Still Waiting”

Dear Still Waiting,

No you are not being difficult. And yes, there is a difference between a guy who talks about a date and a guy who schedules one! It’s either passiveness or laziness but neither one is attractive or a good sign about his potential.

Why Do Guys Make Vague Plans?

Here are four of the most common reasons guys leave plans fuzzy:

1. Insecure – Yes, he might be insecure. But if he says something lame like, “Let’s set a date” to see how you’ll respond and you say yes, there’s no excuse for not setting a date right then. Your positive response should be all the ego boost he needs to take the next step.

Who wants to be with a man who can’t take this step? Most importantly, don’t make it easy for him by initiating or scheduling. You could end up dragging him every decision and be in charge of everything as time moves forward. That’s exhausting!

2. Hedging His Bets – He might be talking to several women at the same time. That’s not a problem – if you’re dating online or by dating apps, you know everyone is meeting lots of people. However, in this case, a “hedger” doesn’t want to commit until he decides who his top option is. That’s annoying and tells you his interest in you is not so strong. (Women also do this.)

3. Doesn’t Want to Date – There are men (and women) online who email and text but have no intention of meeting you. They are entertaining themselves, cheating without cheating or getting their ego stroked. So they talk about meeting but, never set anything up. And if you try to solidify plans, they are evasive or unresponsive.

4. Just Not that into You – He might think you’re an option, but he’s just not that into (thanks Greg Behrandt from his book He’s Just Not that into You). This is not a good sign for his Mr. Right potential. Your best option is to date men who WANT to get to know you which is the reason they pursue you, call, ask you out, pay etc. They do this to WIN YOU OVER.

[Read another post about guys who make vague plans]

How to Clear Up Dating Confusion

In addition, feeling confused by a man’s mixed signals often happens when you date men who leave plans vague or text a lot but are inconsistent with calls and dates. Remember, the way to know a man is genuinely interested is that HE WANTS to SPEND TIME with YOU.

In other words, if you’re don’t understand his behavior early in dating because he talks a good game but doesn’t go on many dates (at least weekly), he’s not interested enough to be the right man. The right man will not leave you hanging or feeling confused. That how you end dating confusion. Simply don’t put up with men who aren’t clear you could be the one.

Back to your question and this particular guy. You’re bored by the conversation and can already see he’s not making much effort. Those are lame, no effort texts he’s sending. That’s why it’s time to move on to meet a man who knows how to take charge. And who is engaging, fun and asks questions because he wants to get to know you!

Don’t bother with substandard men who
don’t meet your most basic needs.

Save yourself the time and aggravation and connect with some new guys who know how to date, have confidence, are curious about you and schedule dates! You deserve to be treated well, so start by treating yourself well and guarding against men like this.

Wishing you love,

why does he make vague plans

 

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RHONY Tinsley Mortimer Makes Dire Dating Mistakes

Are you watching the Real Housewives of New York (RHONY)? OMG it’s riveting and the dating mistakes are for these single ladies are intense.

RHONY

Photo courtesy of Bravo TV RHONY

Colossal Blind Date Mistakes

This week Carole Radziwill decided to help socialite Tinsley Mortimer with her love life by setting her up on a blind date. She said Scott is such a nice guy and Tinsley needs a nice guy right now. We all need a friend like that!

Carole set up a double date to introduce her two friends. The minute Tinsley arrived the dating mishaps began!

(Note to Tinsley: I don’t mean to pick on you but you could really use the support of an experienced dating coach so you don’t push quality men away.)

First let me tell you what she did well. She looked great. Tinsley was upbeat, friendly and had a great smile. She greeted her date with warmth as they met.

Now for the bad news and there’s plenty of it – yikes!

1. Before she even took her coat off, Tinsley launched into talking about her ex husband! This is a major first date mistake. Talking about your ex is like bringing him with you on the date. Your date doesn’t want to hear about that, never mind the first thing out of her mouth.

2. Then she showed him she was still wearing her wedding ring, albeit on her pinky finger. He made a face of sheer discomfort. She went to sit next to him and took off the ring, placing it on the coffee table and Scott gave her a big bear hug. Too much drama right from the start.

But wait, it gets worse…

3. When Scott released the hug, she grabbed his face between her two hands and planted a HUGE kiss on him. Oh my! Her commentary was “ I like to kiss. Tee hee.” Really? That was SO AGGRESSIVE. She assumed he wanted to kiss her right then and what choice did he have? Not good. Let the man show a little interest first don’t you think?

4. Tinsley was trying to decide what to drink and she and Scott both liked Titos! Too bad the next thing she said was how she doesn’t like the taste of alcohol – she just likes the feeling. Great, so you like to get drunk to feel better? That’s not painting the best picture of yourself or your life.

5. Tinsley vividly demonstrated a lack of self-esteem and self-worth. She hasn’t healed from her last failed relationship where she was arrested for trespassing (and then the charges were dropped – how awful for her!) She’s mentioned this several times and her RHONY tagline is “A good pair of lashes can fix anything, even a mug shot.”

In addition, she hasn’t healed from her divorce. She feels so stressed and unsettled, she couldn’t choose an apartment when looking at real estate. She decided to move out of Sonja’s home and into a hotel until she figures out her life.

Yet, all she can talk about on camera is finding a new man and getting married again at 41.

I’m all for finding love and marriage, but after 15 years as a dating coach for women over 40, one thing I know for sure is you have to have your own life together to attract the right man. If your only goal is to find a man to marry you, you can do that, but the chances of lasting love are sort of slim.

RHONY Appears a Little Desperate

My point is – this is not the time for Tinsley to be seeking lasting love. Flirt and date? Sure! Mingle, meet lots of men and have fun! That’s what Ramona Singer is doing and she seems to be really enjoying herself.  (Find out where the Real Housewives of NY go to meet men.)

But you can’t expect to find a healthy, loving relationship with low self-esteem. Tinsley is acting like she can’t be without a man – not a great way to think about yourself. Men can smell that kind of emotional desperation from a mile away and will RUN.

Her unhappy emotional state, combined with her inability to handle herself on a date will likely push away any quality man she might have the good luck to meet or be fixed up with.

Radziwill’s Commentary about Tinsley’s Dating Mistakes was on Target!

Carole knew the MASSIVE MISTAKES her friend was making before her eyes and (even more painfully) on national television. Maybe she’ll pull Tinsley aside off camera and give the girlfriend talk. Listen to her Tinsley, Carole knows her stuff when it comes to men.

If you relate to Tinsley and think maybe you could use the advice of a professional dating expert, why not schedule a free phone or Skype session with me to talk about your situation and how coaching can help? Simply fill out the application and then schedule a time to talk.

Photo Credit: Bravo TV RHONY Save