Dating After Divorce: Are you a Chemistry Junkie?

photo credit communista unicorn  chemistry

Some women seek only charming men. Men who will sweep them off their feet. Men who know just what to say. Men who are romantic and come on strong.

Sometimes these men are bad boy types. Heaven when you are with them, then they disappear for a while before popping back into your life to wreak havoc with your emotions.

Maybe you want a man who makes you pant. You can literally feel the electricity jump back and forth between your bodies when you get close. He is such a turn on!

These are the signs of a chemistry junkie.

While its true the magic is unbelievable when you click with a man like this, all too often the downhill slide of it ending is just as overwhelmingly painful if not more.

Some of my dating coaching clients insist they MUST HAVE THIS. Without this kind of attraction, men seem boring and uninteresting. This is likely a heightened sense of chemistry. And perhaps evidence of confusing sexual chemistry with love. Sadly these things are not usually the same.

On a rare occasion, you might find lasting love with a chemistry man. But it’s extremely unusually. Mostly these men like the chase and then once it’s over. Poof. Gone. Charmers don’t stick around to keep a relationship going. Once you hit a rough patch of any kind or start talking future – bye bye.

Here’s some surprising advice that I read on David Wygant’s web site.

“Think compatibility, not destiny.”

That is profound. Let me interpret this for you.

Destiny – that is a romantic idea. It’s one bound to come with drama. Drama can be sexy. One thing is for sure, the chemistry man is wrapped in drama. That’s why when the encounter is over – it hurts so deeply. Part of the drama ritual.

David says, “Don’t look for a good guy. Look for a guy who is good for you.”

That’s good dating advice, especially for women over 40.

When you focus on getting along, having similar interests and energy levels, you are paying attention to the fundamentals of what makes a solid, lasting relationship.  How does sizzling chemistry fit into this recipe? It may be one of your must have requirements, but it doens’t bode well for a future together.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be attracted to the guy. OF COURSE YOU NEED TO BE ATTRACTED TO HIM! But is the ultimate chemical attraction the major quality you seek in a man? Because if it is, you are looking at pain and suffering guaranteed.

If this sounds like you, it might be time to break out of this habit where you insist on instant chemistry. Consider what other types of men might be of interest or better yet, men who might be compatible with you for the long term. What qualities will it take to get along with you?

Men come in all shapes and sizes. Some are tall and sweet. Some are short and successful. Some are nerdy and excellent lovers. Open up to new types of men. Take the time to get to know them and you will have a far better chance of finding a compatible man who will love you with less drama and more longevity.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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