Are We Compatible? 5 Ways to Know for Sure

Do you wonder what makes you compatible with a man? If you ask yourself, “Are we compatible?’ You are doing a smart thing to make sure. I’m often surprised at how many single gals have no concept of what to look for.

are we compatible1. Similar Values and Ways of Looking at the World
Without this, there is no way you can be compatible long-term. You will not be able to understand each other, what motivates you and why either of you think and do certain things. This is the foundation for any relationship and there must at least be some overlap in how you operate to get along.

It doesn’t usually take too long to get a picture of another person’s world view or morals if you pay attention. You might notice how he treats his family or the wait staff in a restaurant. Listen to how he reacts to news stories and discuss them to compare ideas. Test the waters for political views after several dates but do avoid an argument. You’re not likely to change his political views, but you can find out if you can live with his.

Some couples get along well by agreeing to not discuss politics. I’ve seen happy marriages of 30 years thrive with this compromise. You both have plenty of other people to discuss your viewpoints.

2.  Similar Energy Levels
This has to do with your activity level. You can have different energy levels and still be compatible if you are willing to compromise and do things separately. One person might have a high energy level and enjoy working out and physical activity, while the other person prefers to lounge around. You can see how someone, if not both people will feel dissatisfied.

Sometimes couples look to each other to meet all their needs and if that is the situation, you will have a more difficult time handling different energy levels. But if you can be active on your own or with someone else, while your partner chills out, then you can make this work as well.

3. Similar Biorhythms
If you share a similar sense of timing, like when you rise, when to sleep and when you get hungry, you’ll have a lot less to fight about. Many people overlook this simple fact of life but the truth is, when someone wants to sleep late every day and the other is yearning to get going early, that’s going to present some difficult compatibility issues. On the other hand, when your biorhythms are in sync, everything tends to go along more smoothly.

Here again some couples learn to negotiate about timing and if they can find a place for give and take, can make it work even with different biorhythms. A lot depends on each person’s flexibility.

4. Similar Interests
You do not need to love all the same activities by any means. You just need to have enough in common that there are things you can do together. So, for example, if you both love movies, pizza, live music and romantic getaways, everything else can be worked out. This works well when both people can find places to be flexible.

However for some this is not possible. I know a woman who is an avid skier and she wants a man who skis. For her, this is a major deal breaker. A lot depends on your expectations and where you can compromise. Big problems start when you  compromise so much that you sacrifice your own needs for the relationship and become unhappy. Only you can be the judge of what is too much compromise and when it’s not worth it.

One thing is for sure, any situation that impacts your self-esteem or safety is too much compromise.

5. Similar Romantic Agendas
If one partner wants a committed relationship and the other prefers to remain casual, that represents a major problem – one that might not be able to get resolved. In order to be compatible for the long run, you both must want the long run.

This is not always easy to discover at the start of dating but sometimes men do come right out and tell you their agenda. They will say things like, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” or “Marriage is not for me”. Sadly most women ignore these big statements thinking, “He doesn’t mean that about ME.” Truth is, he does mean you too.

If you date a man who just wants to be casual, the likelihood that you’ll convince him to make the witch to commitment is nearly zero. Yet, women try any number of strategies to convince men by fighting, begging, crying and giving men more chances than they deserve. If you are with a man who prefers to remain causal – that’s a sure sign you should move on or you risk never having your needs met.

What Can Help You Become More Compatible?
Be willing to discuss what you want and what it will take to make your partner happy. Learn how to negotiate and compromise with grace. he might want to watch Monday night football every week which doesn’t work for you, but if he’s willing to see a chick flick, maybe you can sit through a few games.  Try different options to find way that works for both of you. The more flexible you are, the better your chances to keep romance going and easily answer yes to the question, “Are we compatible?”

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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