Rachel Greenwald, author of Find a Husband after 35, just released a new book entitled, Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date.
I’ll admit that I haven’t read the book, although I did read her first “how to.” I can tell you many of my dating coaching clients actually cried after they read the book because as a Harvard MBA, Greenwald made the process complicated and analytical. My clients got overwhelmed and depressed that it was all too arduous a task to find a mate.
While it may not be easy, it can be a fun adventure, at least part of the time. But with all those grids to fill out and steps to take, I understand how they felt.
Anyway, while plenty of women want to know the answer to this undying question, “Why didn’t he call?” I have a different point of view.
Will Knowing Really Be Helpful?
Why do you need to know? How will this information help you? Will understanding the 1,000 reasons from 1,000 men make it easier the next time a guy doesn’t follow through?
I don’t think so. I’ll tell you what I think…
If a man takes your number and then doesn’t call – he wasn’t the right man for you.
That’s it. Plain, simple and completely true.
Let’s examine a few possible reasons to see if the information would really improve your dating experience.
5 Reasons Why He Didn’t Call You
1. He lost the number – well anyone can make a mistake I suppose, but that info doesn’t really change anything.
2. Thought it was a good idea to call at the time, but lost his nerve the next day and decided you probably wouldn’t like him. Not too helpful either.
3. Was attracted to you and wanted to connect, but is already seeing someone. The next day he woke up to realize he isn’t really available or doesn’t want to risk his current “thing.” Again – don’t see the benefit of knowing this.
4. You were really funny and he thought you were hot, but the next day his friends gave him crap about you so he decided not to go for it.
5. He was totally into you at the time, but the next day you sort of reminded him of his ex.
What’s the trend here?
None of these reasons have anything to do with you.
Even if a reason for not calling was that you looked good from the front, but once he caught a glimpse of your butt, he changed his mind, that’s not really helpful either is it? Ahh, nope.
Do you know that acronym? It stands for Too Much Information. Yes, too much information can be interesting, but not necessarily helpful. And, TMI can lead to analysis paralysis and feeling hopeless.
I vote – skip Rachel’s new book. Better to spend your time building your confidence, flattening your abs, laughing with girlfriends, taking care of business, relaxing in a bubblebath, playing with your kids or dog, helping a friend or meeting new men who just might follow through and call. There are still plenty of men who do.
6 thoughts on “Over 40 Dating: Why Didn’t He Call? Why Too Much Information May Not Be Helpful”
I think you’re way off base. I just read the book Why He Didn’t Call You Back. Honestly, it was very helpful in finding the little things you can say or not say, or do or not do that will help get to a second date. We all stereotype guys on a first date to figure out if he’s a loser and guys do that to us. You’ll crack up at how simple a lot of their thinking is whenyou hear real quotes from guys but it is honestly helpful. Look, it can’t hurt for $15 to listen to what the guys are saying, at least I think so.
Hi Trisha, you may be right. I’ll have to read the book for myself and did admit that I haven’t yet. If you found it helpful – that is great news! I hope you get many more second dates – or at least the one that counts.
You’re absolutely right, Ronnie! I have spent time pondering the “whys”. What’s the purpose? It doesn’t help one bit. Even if you figure it out, you still can’t control the other person’s behavior and it’s bound to happen again!
Thanks for your support Cara!
This question seems to pop up everywhere you look, and I always sit back and ask myself “why”? If you having been dating for some time, and all of a sudden he drops off the face of the Earth with no sign of an explanation, I could understand pondering the question for a short time, but after a couple of dates, or just meeting them, and they ask for a number, I just don’t see it.
I’m not one to give out my number freely, although I have been trying to work on letting up a little on this, I don’t give it another thought until I receive the phone call. Let it go, and keep on as you say making a healthy life for yourself.
Dear Searching Within – I admire your spirit. Give out the number and forget about it. If he calls – that’s a nice bonus!