Dating Coaching provides access to expert and unbiased advice.
Dating can be an emotional roller coaster and straight talk from a dating coach like me will save you tons of time and heartache. Read on to see if you can relate to this reader’s situation.
I need an unbiased opinion that I can’t get from family or friends. I was dating this guy for three months – we were really close and when I asked him how he felt about us he stated that he really liked me. He continued saying it was too good to be true. After that day, our communications were short and I began to feel he was starting to push me away.
I questioned him and he apologized, saying he had a lot going on. He asked me to give him time. Two weeks passed and nothing. So I told him if he couldn’t make time then we should just end it.
He started dating someone else and they lived together. I backed off and gave him space since it was me that ended things although a part of me feels as though he walked out before I put it in words. He got mad at me because I accused him of being standoffish and treating me like I had done something awful to him. He flaunted his relationship in my face by bringing her shopping in my community. Ouch. It took me a long time to get over this. I began to focus on myself (working out, getting more involved in the community, and just becoming more active).
Turns out the women left him after she cheated on him. I felt bad for him and continued to talk with him after his break up. I was still interested in him despite everything. He said didn’t want anything serious, but he asked to hang out the following week. I was a little dumbfounded, but due to obligations I said no. We never picked a specific day or time…Needless to say, I have not heard from him.
In an effort to do things differently, I have pretty much not allowed myself to overreact. I am slowly getting to the point where I can let go of him. I do care a lot about him and I want him to know that I am still interested…but I am not waiting.
Is this wrong? People feel that I should have not responded, but the problem is that I would have regretted it. Now I can look back on this situation and know that I have done all I can.
Done in Cincinnati
This is such a long letter (I’ve edited it down some) and there are so many things to comment on. This is where dating coaching would really be helpful because I see a lot of confusion in what you wrote. You asked for unbiased so here it is. Please know while I”m being so direct, I do have your best interest in mind. But I want to be clear to help alleviate some of this confusion for you.
1. I advise my dating coaching clients not to ask a man after 3 months how he feels because it can push a man away – as it did in your situation. After that he got scarce and you ended it – which was appropriate.
2. When a man says “he needs space”, that’s a nice way of saying, “You are not the one for me”. Then you accused him of being standoffish? You weren’t dating him so your expectations are off base.
3. He was living with a woman and you kept in contact? That would have been a good time to move on and find a new man who was interested in you.
4. When a man says he doesn’t want anything serious – BELIEVE HIM! “Hanging out” is code for “friends with benefits”. Then he didn’t follow up with real plans? More clues for you – he’s not truly interested and not the right man for you.
5. Focusing on yourself and letting go of him – yeah! First – there is nothing to hold onto really – you are not in a relationship with him. You maybe holding on to dreams about him, but is that real? Second, focusing on yourself will help build your self esteem and make you more desirable. Men are attracted to confident women!
6. Your advisory team is RIGHT! Stop talking to this man who is not giving you what you want. I’m not blaming him – after all, you have been open to communicating with him. It is up to you to aim higher and choose better for yourself. Listen to your advisers – they are smart. If you want a loving relationship, please move on, take care of yourself, build self esteem and stay away from men who want to “hang out” or don’t ask you out on dates.
Wishing you love,