Understand Men: Why Do Men Play Games?

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Why do men play games?

If you wonder why men play games, this post will help you understand men, what’s going on and what you can do about it.

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I am divorced and recently started online dating. I’ve met a few guys that seem to be pretty great. There is one in particular that I like, but he is playing games and it’s starting to really bug me. I am 31 and do not want to play childish high school games.I don’t understand men

He pursued me and we chatted for a few weeks and eventually met up. Conversation was great and we seemed to really hit it off.I had a little too much wine to drink and ended up hooking up with him that night. He was very affectionate and the next day wanted to go have breakfast. It actually didn’t feel so wrong giving in the first date. That was about 6 weeks ago.

He texts me every few days asking me “how my week has been” or “any fun plans for the weekend?” but he never asks me out. I asked him out two weeks ago and we ended up getting together for a late night movie. I told him that he hasn’t acted very interested since that first night and he quickly responded that he wanted to get together but has had a lot of ex girlfriend drama going on and that’s why he’s been aloof lately. It’s so hard to understand men.

I was excited to get together for a movie, but it was awkward. He talked about his ex which turned me. He was distant and  completely different from that first (and only) night that we hung out. When he dropped me off, he didn’t walk me to the door,  kiss or hug me . It was like going to the movies with a friend –  almost like a pity date.

I am not desperate and feel so dumb for letting this bother me, but I liked him.  Why do men play games? I’ve been on several dates with other guys and I thought there may have been a connection with this one. Can you help me with this situation?

No Games in Pittsburgh

Hi No Games,

Yes men play games and some women do too. I know it’s hard to understand men and sorry that you are bumming about this guy you felt a connection with. This idea of connection confuses lots of women. See, just because you feel the connection doesn’t mean he did too. In this case, he was not in the same “connection zone” as you were.

As a dating coach, I want to gently say that sleeping with the guy on the first date isn’t such a good idea even if it feels okay.  Most times a woman never hears from the guy again.

I’m going to provide a list of dating tips to understand men and why men play games to keep this post from getting too long:

  1. Hold off on intimacy until you have a track record of dates with a guy. You want to get to know him to see if his intentions become clear. With only one date, you had no way to know if he just wanted to sleep with you or wanted something more serious. Looks like he just wanted to sleep with you
  2. Some guys don’t mind if a woman sleeps with him on the first date and if he likes you, he will pursue you for a relationship anyway. Some guys are old fashioned and will think you are too easy. There’s no way to know in advance which guy you are dating, so I recommend holding off for several dates to find out who he is and guard your heart.
  3. When a guy contacts you but doesn’t ask you out, he’s not that into you. Who knows why they do this – probably ego fulfillment of some kind. All men know to see you, they must ask you out. When they don’t follow this, they have another agenda and you should walk away.
  4. Don’t ask men out. Even if a guy says yes, you don’t know if he’s into you, flattered and thinks he’s going to get lucky, is curious or is going on a pity date as you put it. I promise that if a guy is into you, HE WILL ASK YOU OUT.
  5. Being direct with men before you really know them will not get you the answers you want. I think in this case, your date did tell you the truth about ex girlfriend drama, but unfortunately you didn’t pick up on the hint.
  6. When a man tells you has has ex girlfriend drama going on, run in the opposite direction. He’s not emotionally free and you will get sucked into his drama or act as his nurse to get over her. Either way you lose. Men tend to leave women who nurse them back to emotional health the minute they feel better. It’s a classic reaction.

It’s time to get back online and search for men who want to date you , not yank your chain. There are so many single men! Don’t get fooled by the “connection” thing or bummed out by men who play games.  Just see if you get along with him, have fun , enjoy his sense of humor, and have good conversations. Does he call you again and ask you out again? If you liked him, go! If he doesn’t call, date other men. It really does boil down to these really simple steps.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men





Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Understand Men: Why Do Men Play Games?”

  1. I go back and forth. Being easy to being hard to get. Not really knowing what to do. I get a initial positive reaction…. Ie: another phone call or invite. I get suspicious either way; don’t know what to trust. All I do know is that sex always seems to be the agenda.

    • Hi Sandee, Most men do want to have sex. But that’s not always the only agenda. There are good men out there. If trust is an issue, wait longer to see if a man’s pursuit is consistency and continues over weeks. Wait 8-10 date or longer. If a man is genuinely interested, chances are strong he will wait until you are ready. This way you can build trust as you get to know him.

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