Ready to stop thinking about him, but not sure how to do that? Try any of these empowering seven suggestions after a breakup and set yourself free.
Stop Thinking about Him Once and for All
Dating at any age can be trying to say the least. Once you find someone you’re interested in, you get emotionally invested and spend a lot of time thinking about him:
- What you like about him
- When he might call again
- What would be fun to do together
- What he meant when he said that
- When you’d see him next
- When he’d kiss you again and make you melt
I could go on and on because you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve likely been there before.
Then suddenly you breakup and it’s over! He stopped calling and disappeared or you had a disagreement that could not be resolved.
Yet, that circular thinking pattern about this man keeps going. Like a train moving down the tracks as if your mind has an engine of it’s own and keeps chugging on those same thoughts.
You’ve been thinking about him for weeks or months, and now you are supposed to stop. Just like that?
I’ve been in your shoes and I know how hard this is. That’s why I created methods to shake free of these thought loops. Here are my best seven tips to stop thinking about him as quickly as possible:
1. You Need to WANT to Stop
It’s important to get on board with the idea that it’s time to let go of him and move on. You broke up and there’s no hope to reconnect, which could be for the best. Your desire to stop thinking about him is the first step to releasing him and freeing yourself. If you want to move on to the next phase of your life and possibly a new love, you have to want to stop.
2. Your Inner Voice Is Not Your Authentic Self
First you want to recognize that you are in charge and not your mind. That relentless inner voice is not your true, authentic self. Once you realize this and separate from that inner voice, you have the chance to set yourself free.
To separate from your inner voice, give it a name. In coaching this is also called the gremlin, inner critic, the voice of reason, etc. Then address your inner voice by the name you chose and say any of these lines:
- Thank you for sharing
- Go away now
- I’m in charge, not you
- I’m not listening to you
- You have no power over me
Any of these options will help you stop thinking about him after you break up. Or you may have your own. You can even use several and know that you will need to repeat this often. However, I do recommend being nice because that is part of yourself. Kindness counts here too.
3. Engage in a Hobby
Get engaged with something you enjoy doing like a hobby. Do anything positive that keeps you from thinking about him. This is a great time to pick up your favorite hobby or if you don’t have one, try things to find one now.
You might buy a cross stitch kit, knit a sweater, crochet a throw for your bed, cook something yummy, or learn to paint.
Maybe you take up tennis, golf, or pickleball. Try biking, kayaking, or hiking. Getting outside is a great way to clear your mind. Being in nature can work miracles on your mindset.
Hobbies can be a very rewarding and productive way to spend your time vs. thinking about HIM.
4. Start a New Project
Do you have a big project you’ve been putting off for a while? After a breakup is an ideal time to dive in and get it done. Clean out your closets. Organize your papers. Paint that dresser or cabinet. Make a quilt.
Completing this overdue project will provide a sense of accomplishment and occupy your mind.
5. Spend Time with Friends
You probably have a couple of very supportive friends. Go hang out with them! Maybe you can meet some of their friends too. Go to dinner. Get take out and watch your favorite chick flicks. Have drinks and laugh about old times.
Find ways to get out and enjoy yourself, so you get the support you need and distract yourself from HIM.
Every one needs to feel connected and have a sense of community. Don’t isolate yourself at this tender time. Get the love you need from the people you can count on to be there for you.
Your girlfriends have been through breakups too. They might have ideas on what will help you feel better. But even if they are just there to listen or help you laugh, sometimes that is all that you need.
6. Meditate or Do Yoga
When your mind is buzzing and you can’t stop thinking about him, meditation can be amazingly helpful. Try a guided meditation if you’ve never done this before. There are tons of options on YouTube that make it so easy.
Just get comfortable and listen, and meditation happens. If your mind wanders, bring yourself back to the voice guiding you.
Yoga is also great for quieting the mind, while engaging your entire body. When you concentrate on holding the positions and breathing, your mind becomes still and focused.
This to be a wonderful respite from the intense thinking, thinking, thinking you might otherwise be doing.
7. “Letting Go” Exercise
It’s natural to want to hold on, especially to someone you really wanted to be with. But there comes a time when you simply must let go as a healthy part of the healing process.
The longer you hold on to a man that is not right for you or one that has disappeared from your life, the harder it will be to free yourself.
Try this exercise to start the letting go process and stop thinking about him. Be aware you may need to repeat this several times for it to create the shift so you can move on, which is totally normal and to be expected.
- Sit comfortably and close your eyes
- Take three deep breaths, exhale more than you inhale, and feel your body relax from head to toe
- Imagine you are sitting in front of the person you need to release
- Notice if there are cords or strings that connect your two bodies
- Gently pull the cord from his body first, then yours, then let them drop
- Say goodbye to the person and mean it. Say “I release you,” or “I am now free from our connection” and see him disappear
- Watch the cords on the ground between you burn up, shifting your energy and releasing your connection
- Imagine gentle healing where the cords were attached to your body
- Be thankful for the healing and feel good about the work you have just completed
Did You Stop Thinking about Him?
Obviously, you don’t need to use all seven of these methods to stop thinking about him, but do try as many as you like. See what works for you.
Once you let go, you are clear and ready to move on to meet a man who is more compatible and a better long-term match for the love you want and deserve.
For more savvy dating advice, get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single