10 Reasons Why Men Pull Away

Why men pull away is a frequent question women ask. It’s both troubling and heartbreaking. Read this post to learn what is going on and why he disappeared.

Why Men Pull AwayWhy Did He Stop Pursuing Me?

“Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,

I stumbled on your blog about mixed signals and I cannot believe it is a coincidence, so I decided to ask for advice on my situation. For 2 months I have been connecting with a colleague who works in the same company. We got along well and I have seen him several times. We have great deep conversations and are getting to know each other.

The first month we chatted a LOT via WhatsApp and he asked to see me every week. After one month passed, suddenly he texted less. Then he sent me a cryptic message saying I shouldn’t be worried if contact became less as we had a connection and we would find each other again.

I confronted him about this, thinking he wanted to call “it” quits. He said, “Not at all.” We are still in contact though far less than at first. I see him once a week if I am lucky. Conversations have cooled, though sometimes he says I mean a lot to him. He had a bad breakup with his ex who spread lies about him and was a bit crazy. He seems damaged and says he has lost his true north.

I am not sure if he sees me as a friend (I haven’t slept with him) or if he likes me. When I get together with him, at first he seems distant, but as time passes he seeks physical contact like cuddling. I am really not sure what to think of this situation. I have been analyzing all conversations and we have actually talked about this a few weeks ago, agreeing we were dating. But that was before his texts became pretty much non-existent.

He has a busy life, so I can understand him not replying to my texts, But he is online ALL the time, so it doesn’t make sense why he doesn’t reply. I hope maybe you can give me some advice on why men pull away and what to do, as I really am not sure anymore.

Baffled in Buffalo”

Dear Baffled,

I know being in limbo and wondering why men pull away is not an easy place to be. When you feel that strong connection its really heartbreaking to see it drift away. That’s why it’s so important to understand men and learn how to decipher what they say.

His Cryptic Message Was NOT Cryptic
Your biggest clue was his “Cryptic Message.” It wasn’t so disguised. Telling you “not to worry about less contact as you will find each other again” is a clear message he was ending things. You’re first reaction was completely accurate.  What else could he possibly mean?

When you confronted him, he didn’t have the heart to hurt you. So he back-peddled to soften his stance. But you know this is true because he slowly stopped connecting. He was trying to let you down easy.

Analyzing Your Conversations Never Helps
When it comes to understanding men, rehashing your conversations rarely helps. What does help is paying attention to his actions. He was withdrawing, so no matter what he said, that is all that matters. Pulling away means he’s moving on.

A Man Who Is “Lost” Is NOT Relationship Ready
If a man tells you he doesn’t know what he wants or feels lost, that is his way of letting you know he can’t give you what you want. He’s not ready for a relationship because he’s confused about his own life. This is a big reason why men pull away. A man knows when he can’t give a woman what she wants so he withdraws. Often men don’t want expectations that come with relationships when they are feeling low.

Avoid Helping a Man Get Over His Ex
Now you know when a man shares this about himself, he is not boyfriend material. You can be friends, but don’t think that helping him recover will get him ready to date you. Usually men move on after being nurtured back to emotional health because they don’t want to be reminded of their time of weakness.

His Lack of Reply Means a Lack of Interest
His lack of response to your texts shows you that he’s not interested. It has nothing to do with how busy he is. If he was into you, he’d definitely reply! That’s why this doesn’t make sense because you hope there’s another reason. I’m just giving it to you straight.

Pay Attention to How Men Behave
So, it turns out there were many clues indicating your guy wasn’t going to stick around. What matters most is how men behave. Do they try to see you and build a stronger relationship? Do they keep things limited and status quo? Or do they text and see you less and less until there’s nothing left? When this starts to happen, you can talk to the guy. But often they won’t admit things are over to avoid a scene or hurting you.

A lot of times men start acting out and treating you poorly so you break up with them. And breaking up is the wisest thing because you don’t deserve to be treated poorly. Neither should you put up with behavior that shows a lack of respect. When this occurs, do yourself a favor and let him know this isn’t working for you and you are moving on.

Why Men Pull Away

Men disappear for many reasons, some of which I mentioned above. But here’s a list to refer to. I’m sure there are many others but this gives you a quick view in case you recognize any of the signs from your relationship.

  1. He doesn’t know what he wants
  2. He isn’t ready for a relationship
  3. He isn’t sure of his life plan or direction
  4. His self esteem is damaged
  5. He’s changed his mind about you
  6. He’s unsure about his career or job
  7. He feels like he’s not a good provider
  8. He’s looking for something better
  9. He’s not over his ex
  10. He has problems – health, financial, emotional, family, etc.

You can draw one overriding conclusion from all of these reasons why men pull away:

He’s emotionally unavailable

The last things you want is to date a man who is unavailable because that is a surefire recipe for heartbreak. It doesn’t matter how cute he is or how fun. It doesn’t matter how much you like him or that he seems interested. The only thing that matters is what he tries to do to win you over and spend time with you. If he’s not doing that, he’s the wrong man for  you.

There are plenty more men out there. Do something every week to meet new guys and you will find the right man who wants a relationship just like you do.

Wishing you love,

why men pull away


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why Men Pull Away”

  1. Hi had question for u I’ve been dating this guy for 8months now he got me pregnant I am 3months now we talk everyday if I text him he text me right back if I call him he calls right back he told me he loves me and I do love him ….I live in Baltimore he live s in DC not to far from each other we don’t see each other everyday day it’s usually every 2weeks and it doesn’t matter he tells me I can come see him anytime I want …. I don’t know sometimes he feels so distant like I’ll say OK am coming to visit he says come on then when I come down we barley talk he is musliem he just wants me to lay down take a nap with him and then have sex ? It’s always been like this though he tells me he can get a place car help me with the baby and I guess that’s way of telling me we will see each other still have sex and He will see baby that’s it ? He tells me that my hair is getting long that attractive to other guys and I had slides on last time time he said u ain’t wearing heels are u sometimes he will tell he will say I have class dummy if I forget he dont like me wearing make-up and I don’t know alot about what he does everyday he is really quite quiet about personal life one day he is so sweet next day he’s different he’s suppose to take depression medicine but he dont can u give me advice please

    • Hi Sunny, Honestly I’m not sure what to say. Your man doesn’t sound like he’s serious about you. He’s not willing to marry you but he is willing to nap and have sex with you. When you accept such poor treatment, you only get more of the same. I don’t think this is going to change or get better. Will he help you support the child? That is the big question. If not, then what do you need this man for? He certainly isn’t going out of his way to spend time with you, the woman who is bringing his child into the world. I wish I could be of more help. So sorry.

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