Sadly, how many of you have had to handle a cheating man? This is purely crazy-making and heart breaking. Wreaking havoc, their destructive, callus behavior twists you into emotional knots that go very deep.
This situation spawns countless questions. More than anything, women want to know why.
- Why did he cheat on me?
- Why her?
- What’s better about her than me?
- What did I do to deserve this?
- Why didn’t he just leave me?
Having read literally tons of relationship advice from experts around the world, I have scoured the material looking for something about why men cheat that makes sense. Today I found it on the DatingWithoutDrama.com blog in a video by English dating expert, Matthew Hussey. (As a meaningless aside – he’s very cute.)
He broke the question of why men cheat down psychologically so masterfully, I had to share his wisdom with you immediately! I’m just going to add a bit of my input as well as I spell it out for you below.
First and foremost, Matthew pointed out that people like to be comfortable. You know this is true, especially vs. feeling uncomfortable right? Not many would choose discomfort. So, in a relationship – there is often comfort in sticking with the status quo. It’s just easier to keep things the same than shake them up. So he cheats.
Second, Matthew explains that leaving someone is a scary decision. For many, the idea of being alone is too daunting to just walk away from a relationship, particularly if it is comfortable. A lot of men don’t relish the idea of being alone and that’s why they cheat.
Third, the human condition often presents a simple lack of courage. A man would be more inclined to leave if he knew he had options. He’d feel braver knowing there was another woman he could leave for. As Matthew explains, this presents the proverbial “Catch-22” of which comes first, leaving or discovering options? This is why he might cheat.
Fourth, once a man cheats, the damage is done and now he has a reason to leave. Or worse from my perspective, he hopes you’ll end things when you find out, making it even easier for him to depart.
I’m going to add a fifth answer that is not always true by any means, but is certainly a factor at times. Some men just wants to mix things up, and thinking he can get away with it, follows his primordial drive to spread his seed. For a few, this is certainly why men cheat.
Now, please keep this very important fact in mind – women can be just as guilty of cheating as men for these same reason. Well maybe not the seed part, but certainly the desire for variety. So I am not saying that men are the only guilty parties by any means. Trust me, I have had male clients lamenting over catching their woman in bed with another man (or woman).
If you’ve had a cheating man in your life, I hope reading through these reasons has helped you understand how such a travesty could happen. It doesn’t answer why it happened to you or why he chose her. But this review can help you get a clearer picture of what was going on in his head in terms of why cheat rather than just leave you.
Knowledge is power. Now that you have some reasons, I’m hoping it will help to lessen the pain and confusion. If you need tips on healing from a break up, you might want to read this post on 5 Tips to Survive a Breakup.
Click here to watch Matthew’s video.