Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,
I joined a singles club and started dating one of the guys who swept me off my feet with his charm. He has a wonderful sense of humor (he made me laugh every day with funny e-mails or calls), romantic evenings dining and dancing.
He’s seven years older than me (I’m 60). An early red flag for me was that he was always mentioning other women while we were together. I made a joke of it and tried not to think about it.
Being with him was like I walking on air. I had a wonderful summer and he helped me to forget my problems.
We live about an hour apart and I always drove to see him . Finally he did visit me. But the next weekend, he acted strange and distant. I was upset and wanted to talk about it. Then Mr. Charming clammed up!
I saved all his wonderful e-mails. He really made me come alive. He brought out something in me that has been lying dormant for years. I haven’t dated a man in over 10 years, and he made me feel like I was 16 again. I miss him terribly. I really don’t want to be with other men yet. I keep comparing them to him. What can I do?
Heartbroken in San Diego
My heart goes out to you because this has been very disappointing I am sure. I can tell you feel hurt and confused and are not ready to meet others.
This is the bottom line on your guy – he’s a player. Age does not matter when it comes to being a player. Clues from your email include (as you mentioned) his talking about other women with you, his lack of effort since you did most of the travel, and lastly, his strange behavior after a weekend with you.
He’s a man who does not want to lose control or get too close. He likes the flirty part of getting to know a woman and winning her over, but doesn’t want to get past that. I’d call him a romance junkie. That’s why he pulled away and stopped showering you with attention. You wanted more from him than he was willing to give, so it was time to move on. Better than his risking getting too close to you.
I know this is very hard, but I want you to know he’s not coming back. He has moved on. That’s what a romance junkie does.
But there is good news!
First, he woke something up in you that has been dormant for years. Your feminine side came alive so congratulations! The idea is to find a way to start healing from this hurt so you can move on to meet other, better men. Men with integrity who are honest and want a relationship. That’s not this guy.
He also helped you have a marvelous summer and forget about other problems in your life. While the relationship didn’t work out as planned, it still helped you for the short run and that has real value.
Sometimes this happens because women want to believe in fairy tales. Unfortunately, a man who knows all the right things to say probably has had a lot of practice, if you get my drift. I’ve been through it myself, being swept off my feet by a charmer. It’s a shocker.
As a dating coach for women over 40, here’s what I recommend to clients who have a penchant for charming men. Next time you find yourself attracted to a man who knows all the right things to say, I highly recommend walking away as quickly as possible. Mostly, because you know what will happen soon enough with this type of guy.
Tonight I’ll be talking about how to heal open your heart after relationship disappointments big and small. It’s a FREE teleclass from 8-9pm eastern time. Register here so you can discover what might help you to once again align with love.
Photo Credit: OlivierGR