Dating after divorce at 40 has it’s challenges. If it’s tough to decent meet men, follow these three simple tips to meet more men and find “the one”.
Dating After Divorce:How to Find a Good Match
Whether you are dating after divorce or have never been married, by the time you get to be 40, dating is a lot different than when you were 22. What you want and need have probably changed. You need to meet lots of men to find a good match for you. These three tips are sure to help you find love again.
1) Get Real about His Income
Your needs as a woman change based on your age and life stage. When you are young and thinking of starting a family, finding a man with potential to be a solid provider is a strong need. You want a guy who turns you on but, will also make a good father and lifetime partner.
So you look at his job, his level of success or projected success, his education, and his family among other things. As you get older and past the time for starting a family, you may still want a successful man. But does he really need to match or exceed you own success?
More Women Have Advanced Degrees
If you insist on this, you are sure to miss out on some quality men who would make loving partners. Today women have more advanced degrees then men. As long as the guy is financially stable, takes care of his own needs and can share in your lifestyle, why isn’t that good enough? If he’s emotionally supportive, fun, likes to try new things and doesn’t expect you to pay, why isn’t he a good option?
Many successful women eliminate countless men because they don’t make an equivalent salary. That’s a shame because you could be missing out on potentially wonderful partners. Don’t overlook a man who makes $150,000 because you make $250,000. He could be a fabulous, loving partner with a good education, even if his paycheck and investments aren’t as big as yours.
You don’t need a man who is exactly like you or better to be happy with each other. One of my favorite married couples includes a woman with a Harvard MBA and a skilled carpenter. He’s a true craftsman and brings in an excellent salary. This second marriage is dramatically happier than her first which was to a man who was her complete equal. Yes he also went to Harvard, was cruel and outrageously selfish.
2) Get Real about Religion
If you don’t practice your religion, why insist on a man of the same faith? Maybe you attend services only on holidays. Some men will attend with you to make you happy. Others don’t mind slight differences if your religions are similarly based (example – Protestant vs. Presbyterian).
When religion isn’t a key piece of your life and you’re not bringing up children together, relax this requirement. Its a powerful way to improve your chances for finding a good partner. For one thing, you’ll meet a lot more men men. And a man from a different faith could make an excellent partner as long as you both respect each other’s beliefs.
3) Get Real about His Looks
Everyone lucky to live long will age. Some people look to their life partner to keep them feeling young. That’s why men have dated younger women for eons. Now that women are financially independent and powerful, many want that same privilege. As a result, many women want to date younger men or a man close to their own age.
As your love and dating coach, I won’t tell you you can’t date handsome men. However, it can help to expand your definition of handsome. When you limit the men you meet to only hot, young guys, you increase the competition and limit your success. Yes you do!
Date Average Looking Men
What if you relax your standards when dating after divorce at 40, to include average looking men who might even be a bit older? It will do wonders for your dating life. I’m not suggesting you date unattractive men. That’s ridiculous! However, opening your mind to seeing a man as a total package provides you with far more prospects so you find a great match.
Looks fade (yours and his) and attraction doesn’t indicate a man’s loyalty, kindness, generosity, or chances of being a long-term, loving partner. Sadly, the really handsome guys are most often players, charmers and womanizers who don’t want a monogamous relationship. All good looking men aren’t bad, but they can have their pick, so many don’t want to even settle down.
Dating After Divorce at 40
As a love and dating coach for women over 40, you will find these three tips make a world of difference in your search for love. When you loosen up on your stringent standards about money, religion and looks, you open yourself to a bigger pool of applicants.
Some of the happiest couples I know come from different backgrounds. To be happy, you don’t need a man who is just like you. Viva la difference and make things a heck of a lot more interesting!
My Love Story
My husband and I are dramatically different. I like to get from point A to point B as fast as possible. He likes to go the long way to see the beach view. I’m Jewish and he’s Irish Catholic. I have an MBA and he didn’t finish college.
You might think I settled, but not true. Paul has a heart of gold. He always pays for dinner (we still go on dates.) He’ll wash my car, put gas in it and even run upstairs to get my glasses. He makes me laugh when I need it most. Paul snuggles like no other and loves me for exactly who I am (warts and all.)
Thankfully, when I met him, I was taken with his kindness, humble way and freckles (I’ve always been a sucker for freckles!) We’ve been happily married for nearly 19 years and we have very little in common except for a love that began like a shooting star – nothing short of magical. It works for us.
Give Love a Chance
I could have easily discounted Paul, thinking he wasn’t good enough for me, but I would have missed out on all these happy years, learning about our divergent worlds and growing as a result. I wouldn’t trade him for any other. Give yourself and love a chance. Learn to see value in what creates a long and healthy marriage.
Look for a man who has good values, communicates well, is happy with himself, pays his way, has a good heart and is kind to others. See if he’s a good tipper – that’s always a good start. Love is real and love is out there for you. Don’t make it too hard on yourself. Loosen up a bit and find that love you long for!
Want more advice on finding love and dating after divorce at 40 or 50? Watch my free masterclass here
about 5 Astonishingly Simple Ways to Find The One.
Photo Credit: JanneM