Maybe you have trouble understanding men like this woman. I want to help women see situations like this one more clearly so they know what is right for them.
“Dear Ronnie the Dating Coach for Women,
I’ve been dating a man for 7 months. We both have stressful lives and children from previous relationships. I love him but I feel at times he is using me. I am constantly chasing after him, cooking meals for him and giving him as much attention as I can.
He tells me he loves me but I’m uncertain about that. He makes plans with me and then changes them. He is always late and when it comes to intimacy it’s on his terms. He has cheated on me in the past and I fear its happening again.
Confused in North Carolina”
It can be difficult to objectively see what is happening when it comes to love. Love clouds a person’s better judgement and keeps you from seeing the truth. Sometimes women in love don’t want to see the truth because it’s too painful. I’m going to explain what is going on and make a recommendation. Then you will need to decided your next step is.
I plan to be very direct so hold onto your hat.
You think this man is using you? Sounds right to me. This is what I get from your description about this relationship
- You keep this relationship going
- He does next to nothing or maybe nothing for you
- He does not reciprocate for your kindness and caring
- He doesn’t keep his word
- His words don’t match his actions
- He doesn’t stay in touch
- He doesn’t value you or the relationship
- He has cheated on you and might be doing so again
Here are my questions for you:
Why do you chase him?
Cook for him?
Have s.e.x on his terms?
What is in this one-sided relationship for you?
His actions demonstrate a lack of concern for you. He may love you but it’s the laziest, most disrespectful kind of love if you can call it that. Could he just be saying those words so you stick around to wait on him and service him at his beck and call?
From what you wrote, this man actually offers you NOTHING. You can’t count on him. He’s not a good friend. He’s not a good lover. He’s not a good person. Hmmm. What do you see in him? Do you fear being alone? Or do you think this is all you deserve or can get?
Just because you love a man, doesn’t make him the right man for you.
Let me make understanding men easier for you.
Follow thee three steps to determine if a man has what it takes to be a good partner
- Do you have a balanced relationship? This means you both share fairly equally and give to the other.
- Do his actions match his words and does he keep his promises? This is about alignment. It’s easy to say I love you , but he needs to show you that as well. His action show you that he disregards your feelings and needs.
- Does he add positively to your life or drain your energy? You want to be with a man who brings joy and fun into your life. Now this won’t be every minute of every day – but overall, being in a relationship with him makes your life better.
Sadly, given what you have written to me, you have to answer “No” to all three questions! That means he is not the right man for you. Maybe he’s handsome. Maybe he has money. Maybe you think he’s better than nothing. But this is not a healthy, loving relationship
You can use these three questions for understanding men you date. If your response is “No” to any of these questions, you are not in the best relationship possible for you. And you could use some help understanding men. When it comes to men, it’s far more about what they DO than about what they SAY that matters.
My dating coaching recommendation for you is to build your self esteem and recognize you deserve way better than him!
You deserve a man who:
- Stays in touch
- Wants to see you
- Cares for you
- Does nice things for you
- Prefers being loyal to you
- Wants to be committed
- Keeps his promises
- Tries to make you happy
- Adds to your life
- Values your relationship
What is your next step?
As your dating coach I would hope you cut him off immediately. Dump him today right on his bum where he belongs.
My next piece of dating advice is about you.
Work on your self-esteem and confidence. Spend time thinking about how you want to be treated in the future. Learn how to establish boundaries so a man knows that if he crosses a boundary (like cheating) you are done with him. Commit to your self that you will never put up with such substandard treatment ever again.
Then, when you are ready, go out to find a better man. One who cares about you and not just himself and his every whim. One who brightens your day with is love and connection. Such a man is out there for you. But first you need to free yourself up, BELIEVE he is available and that you DESERVE HIM.
Wishing you love,