Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,
I am a 54 year old single woman from Seattle who is ready to find love. Just bought your book and am so excited to read it!
I am staying positive about meeting the perfect mate for me! I’d like a mate who shares some of my interests like: music (jazz, R & B, classical), movies, plays, and sporting events. I definitely want a man who is family oriented and enjoys travel. I joined eHarmony and was formerly a member of Match.com. What do you recommend for me?
Sleeping good and feeling hopeful in Seattle
Dear Hopeful,
I am sorry to say that I’m not a fan of eHarmony. I suppose it might matter where you live, but they have very few men in your age bracket and it drops off quickly in the 40’s. I know this from the 2,000+ dating coaching clients I have helped, many of whom have complained bitterly about the site.
The site is also notorious for sending matches of men with expired profiles! They don’t tell you that for obvious reasons. Most men don’t want to fill out eHarmony’s236 questions and don’t care about personality tests. They don’t want to be bothered with cumbersome communication methods either.
On the other hand – you never know and occasionally women over 40 do meet a man on that site. There are exceptions to every rule, so don’t worry that you already signed up. Think of it as just ONE of the avenues you can employ to meet men. You may also want to join another site, go to singles dances, try speed dating, etc. to supplement your eHarmony activity. Match.com actually has a lot more men and 50+ is the fastest growing age group for online dating. That’s the good news!
I believe in making an “Action Plan” planning exactly what you are going to do each month to meet new men. Without such a plan, you may not be in the mood, feel like there is nothing to do, focus on chores or hang with the girls. These other options are perfectly fine as part of your life – but they won’t help you meet men.
I recommend to my over 40 dating coaching clients to decide how often you are willing to do something to meet men every month and then create your plan including signing up for things and putting them on your calendar.
The next area to focus on is what I call your “Inner Plan.” This is about the steps you will take to make sure you believe in love. And to make sure you are open to and attract the man you have described.
Steps might include affirmations, visualization, positive thinking, chanting, prayer and several other ideas I’ve outline in great detail in my book MANifesting Mr. Right. (Thanks for your recent purchase by the way!)
My book is actually divided into three segments:
1. Dater’s Mind – The right mind set for the best dating results.
2. Action Plan – How to meet lots of new men
3. Protocol – Understanding how dating works
You’ll find lots of helpful tips and proven strategies in the book that have worked for so many women. And they helped me meet and marry my husband!
Good for you for staying positive about meeting men – some times that is more than half the battle!
Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach
203-877-3777
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Hi Girls,
I wish there are more single men who visit this site. This would be very helpful for those who are 50 and looking for dates.
I have tried eHarmony before. I was able to talk to some decent people but it was cut short when I began to meet people from common friends and get together. Maybe my luck is in that area.
To Sleeping good and feeling hopeful in Seattle, I agree with Ronnie that you make an action plan. Yes, it all starts in your mind but doing it is a different thing. I think an action plan can really be motivating.
Joan – sorry love has been so disappointing for you.
You are quite right – attitude IS everything. while it looks like everyone around you has it easy, who knows what is going on for them. The only thing that matters is – are you getting what YOU want?
The most telling thing in your comment is that your heart was shattered by a man who you still hold on to. Accept his loss completely and let go of him for good. Evict him from your heart . Then you’ll have a shot of putting all that ebook wisdom to work for you.
Lastly, the only way to find love is to take the journey. If you don’t want to put more time and money into this endeavor, then you must not believe its worthwhile. So there you go – without that belief, I must agree, it’s not worth your time.
This is EXACTLY what I work with my clients about. You are by no means alone in this thinking. Ultimately, its totally up to you, what you want, and what you are willing to do about it.
Wishing you love Joan.
After spending 2 hours answering eHarmony’s voluminous survey a couple of years ago, I was informed that, unfortunately, I fell into the small percentage of those for whom they have no matches, which was quite disheartening. Match.com was no better, as one of the men with whom I was “matched” was actually married to a woman I knew. I had actually met this man before, and I recognized his photo. Nice screening process. : / I have spend several hundreds of $$$ on ebooks, too. I have had one unsuccessful relationship that shattered my heart; I believed he was the one, but I was fooling myself because I wanted it to work so badly. After three painful years, I finally walked away, thinking that he would realize he felt the same about me, but I never heard from him again, and I know I never will, although my heart still hasn’t truly accepted that. I have never known a connection like the one I shared with him so I still haven’t completely let go. In some ways, I think your program is EXACTLY what I need, but then again, I don’t know how much more work I am willing to put into this, when I see nearly everyone around me having success without having to spend so much money and time. I realize attitude is a huge part of it, but it is difficult to have hope and faith after all this. Thanks for letting me vent.
Yes, eHarmony does depend on where you live – they are the biggest in Australia and yet for the first few weeks I had one match in my state and very few Australia wide – less than 5 I think… and yes, the out of date was an issue.
The mindset is definitely the most important – look at who attracts men either on a superficial level (the sex kitten – vulnerable – classic example, Marilyn Monroe) or on a deeper level, the woman of substance who has experience, skills and most importantly knows her true worth – Proverbs 31 woman.
When you know who you are and accept and truly love yourself, most men will be attracted to you!!
Age is no barrier – just think Sophia Loren or any number of women who are now elderly to the general way of thinking in the world, and yet they are still elegant, confidant and stunningly beautiful because they respect themselves on the outside in addition to glowing from within.