Are We More Than Friends? He Says He Has Feelings But Ghosted!

Are we more than friends? Your guy friend reveals he has feelings for you, talks about the future, then ghosted. What does this mean?

He Revealed His Feelings for Me

are we more than friends“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I need advice on Ghosting. My guy best friend and I recently revealed we have feelings for one another. It’s always been obvious but over the past year it’s become extreme. We’ve known one another for years and people have joked saying we may as well be in a relationship.

Six months ago he visited (he lives 50 miles away), and told me he had to be honest. He said he has an off and on girlfriend and the relationship isn’t always good. I listened and gave advice. Via texts we talked more about it as he struggled the next few months.

One night he sent me a text saying how he doesn’t know if he can be with her because he has always loved me and cares for me. He even mentioned moving in with me if he could find work around here.

I told him we would have to talk about this more in person and so I offered to meet him half way. He told me he would let me know because of his work schedule.

We Started Sexting

Our texting ramped up, and became quite R rated. I hadn’t seen this side of him. I obviously knew it existed but wow.  But, since I hadn’t seen him I did wonder, “Are we more than friends?”

Most recently I took some time off and told him he should come visit me if he wanted to see me. He had been texting me during a baseball game. That’s when he ghosted me! He hasn’t texted me since.

I’m utterly confused by this. Are his emotions getting in the way? Does he not want to be friends anymore because he is drawn to me?

I texted him one more time a few days later to ask him what was up to and got nothing. Any advice?? I’m hurt by this because he’s such a big part of my life.

Please Help,
Ghosted & Hurt

are we more than friendsCan Friendship Turn to Romance?

Dear Ghosted,

I can totally see why you are confused by this guy and want to know, “Are we more than friends?”!

This kind of thing seems like it’s becoming an epidemic with so many women writing to me lately about guy friends who say they want more. Then nothing comes of it! So, you are not alone with this problem.

Can friendship turn to romance? Sure, once in a while a romance blossoms. More often, one person has stronger feelings than the other.

I’ve found women often hang on to their guy friends, hoping the guy will come around and fall in love.

He Has a Girlfriend

One of the most common tricks a cheating man makes is to admit he has a girlfriend. Then he discounts the relationship and her, saying he’s not happy. Often there’s a reason he can’t leave her too.

However, in your case, he leaped ahead to talking about moving in, even though you two haven’t dated or been in a romantic relationship. A BIG FAT RED FLAG!

This is a classic seduction technique men use to help a woman feel secure. “I have feelings for you – maybe we should live together.” It makes the man sound like he’s serious about you. Then he can move on to sex and often the women, feeling more secure will go for it. And, the sexting between you two began.

The natural thing if his desire to move in with you was REAL, would be to get together and discuss it just like you asked him to do. And he’d BREAK UP with his girlfriend and start seeing you.

But he didn’t make time to see you, never mind end his relationship. He just moved on to meet his own needs sexually by (sadly) taking advantage of your friendship and feelings. Makes me doubt he has much of a conscience Totally dastardly.

The Real Reason He Ghosted

via GIPHY

I’m sorry to say he ruined a long-term friendship to get his yaya’s out. That’s shockingly selfish, short-term thinking and that is WHY HE GHOSTED.

If he does have any conscience at all, he’s embarrassed and knows when you figure this out, you’ll see who he really IS. Anything but a nice guy and certainly not the man you thought he was for YEARS. It’s a shock to the system I’m sure.

When a person’s true nature is revealed like this it rocks your world.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you and my heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I’m sure you’ve stopped wondering are we more than friends, because now how can you even BE friends? Trust is gone.

So now, move on to focus on your healing and take time to grieve the loss of what you thought was a solid and close friendship.

Look for Love!

But here’s the thing – if you were holding a candle for this guy, thinking some day he might become your boyfriend, now’s the time to take yourself off the shelf. Clearly you want love in your life and you can make that happen.

When you feel ready, get out there to mingle and meet men. Date a bunch of guys to find a good one and don’t close out your options too quickly. Play the field for a while – that’s the best way to find a compatible match.

There are plenty of good men out there who do want a relationship. You can find a new guy who will be your lover and best friend.

What to Do About Him

If you aren’t sure of the best way to handle him,  my advice is to do and say nothing. In fact, I would block him in case he decides at some point to try the sexting again. Talking about this with him will get you nowhere. Now you know he’s a selfish man, a liar and a coward disappearing like that.

I have found that life can throw you some pretty intense curve balls and this is one of them for sure. But you will get over this and HIM. And it’s so much better that you KNOW he has no true romantic or friendship potential for you.

This leaves you free and open to make new friends and find love with a quality man who sees the remarkable woman you are. A man who wants to spend time with you and make you happy.  The kind of guy who will cherish you and expand your world with the joy of a fulfilling, lasting love.

That is your DESTINY girlfriend and after this, you’ll be stronger and smarter for it.

Wishing you love,

are we more than friends

 

 

For more about how to find a quality guy, check out my Free audio program

 

3 responses on “Are We More Than Friends? He Says He Has Feelings But Ghosted!

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Scion, While I can see you are hurting and I do have compassion for you, I’m going to be blunt and call YOU out on YOUR stuff. He’s involved with something he shouldn’t be – yup that’s YOU! He’s got a girlfriend. That’s all crap about his unhappiness – he’s a lying cheater. Your friend is right – he’s horrible and worse than that, you accept it. You are not helping him – you are HURTING YOURSELF. Why does he deserve your help or loyalty? So you can talk about baseball and flirt? He’s a total dead end keeping you safe from falling in love. You’ll never find a good man while you let THIS guy take up SPACE IN YOUR HEART and head. My hope for you is that you WAKE UP and build your self-worth. You deserve a man who will focus only on you, spend time with you every week, who keeps his promises and cherishes you like no other. If you truly want love, please let go and move on. I wish you only the best.

  2. Scion

    Ronnie your post about Ghosting is wonderful. I have been going through the exact same thing. Male best friend, we admit we have feelings and he tells me he loves me. I loved him since we met. It’s been years. He moved away and in with a steady girlfriend and doesn’t text as much, but when he does he complains how he’s unhappy and wants to move. I always listen to him, helped him through tuff times. We have fooled around. A few days ago, he texted saying he wanted to meet me the next day. He misses me, and wants to make this work. I had someone cover me at work, and he never showed. He ghosted me. I texted and finally went to work. 3 hours after he was supposed to be here, he texted his GF ruined his plans. My close friend says she cannot figure out why I give him the time of day. She thinks he’s a horrible person. I don’t see it like that. I see his ghosting as being caught up in something he shouldn’t be, and I have to accept that. I was frustrated and made that known. I wish my female friend would cut us a little slack. It’s my life right? I don’t see us as a couple. We are just FWB. We text about baseball games or the news or send sultry texts saying how we miss each other. I haven’t seen him in a year and I am on dating apps trying to push him out of my head. Ghosting is vicious and plays mind games, and men need to be called out!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *