He Broke My Heart – How To Heal After Unimaginable Heartbreak

He broke my heart – now what? Here’s how to get past the devastation and heal your heart so you can rebuild your life and look for love again.

he broke my heart - heart with safety pinMend a Broken Heart

You’re completely crushed by this breakup. You thought he was “The One” but turns out he wasn’t.  Ugh how awful!

It feels like your world has practically come to an end. Nothing seems right, you’re miserable and not sure what to do. As a result, you are sort of paralyzed and huddled away in your bedroom with the shades drawn and the covers over your head.

You want to feel better and begin your recovery, but you aren’t sure what steps to take. That’s where I can help! Here are several proven steps that are sure to help you start feeling normal again and rebuilding your life.

10 Empowering Steps to Recover from Heartbreak

Even though you might not feel like doing anything, putting one foot in front of the other by taking these recommended steps will get you back to functioning. There are a range of suggestions and all of them work.

Try doing them in order, at least for the first five actions, which will make the rest of the steps a lot easier.

1.Dig in Deep

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You’ve got to be willing to feel your feelings. Do not try to avoid your feelings. Mental health professionals advise the only way to get over a breakup or any difficult feelings is to move through the pain. It’s not fun, but at least you won’t be suppressing your feelings and then having to deal with them later.

2. Take Your Time

Even though you may be tempted, healing is not something you can rush. Honor yourself and what you are going through. This takes time, so be realistic and gentle with yourself.

Everyone recovers at a different pace. You might start to feel better in just a few days. For others it can take weeks to turn a corner. Do the best you can. Every time you think, “He broke my heart!” the pain will lessen until you can breathe easy again.

3. Baby Yourself

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This is a time to indulge yourself. Get a massage or two. Try Reiki healing or reflexology. Human touch can be so reassuring and healing for a broken heart.

Take baths in Epsom salt and play calming music.  Listen to your favorite songs. Do a little retail therapy (just don’t go overboard so you have no regrets.) Have some chocolate or Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

Do what it takes to soothe your soul. Take self care seriously – it’s amazingly restorative.

4. Talk It Out

Reach out to get the support you need. Call your therapist or find one to work with. Talk to your girlfriends or compassionate family members. Talking can move the energy and move the pain out of your system.

Remember there are other people who treasure you and hold you dearly.  You surely have people you are close to you who will be there for you. Don’t hesitate to call upon them – good friends will be supportive and understanding.

This is one of those times when you don’t want to keep to yourself, even if your normal way is to withdraw. You can do that for a while, but be sure to engage with loved ones. Remembering you are not alone helps you recover.

5. Create a Lovability Inventory

Now is a really good time to remember why you are lovable. It’s time to take a full inventory by making a list of why you are a great catch! What do you love about yourself? Name some things you’d never change.

Get in touch with the qualities you are most proud of and what makes you stand out from the crowd. This can be a running list that you add to every time you come up with another good aspect of yourself. You are an amazing individual. Allow that list to grow and feel really good about who you are.

No one else is like you! Read over your list daily for a while until you start to rebuild your confidence.

When thoughts of how “He broke my heart!” flood your mind, reviewing your Lovability Inventory helps you stay in touch with how wonderful you are. You’ll not only survive the breakup, you’ll THRIVE once again!

6. Make a Bad List

he broke my heart - making a listOK, you really loved him, but there’s no questions he had flaws. Why are women so good at putting the things they didn’t like into some little memory compartment, and focusing on all the things they adored?

Now is the time to let his flaws and foibles stick in your mind. Make a list of the things that drove you crazy and made you angry. How he dropped his clothes everywhere, never left a good tip, didn’t really listen or snored insanely loud.

When you focus on this bad traits, the pain will diminish because you’ll knock him off that undeserved pedestal. Then he won’t seem so all important. There have got to be things you’re glad to be done with!

Focus on his “badness” to make it easier to handle that you’re no longer together.

7. Exercise Your Cheeks

Scientific studies show that smiling automatically lifts your mood, so you can imagine how healing laughter is. Dr. Bernie Siegel is famous for love, medicine and miracles and here’s an interview he did this year on humor and healing.


Laughter can be as big a release if not bigger than crying so find funny movies, watch a comedy show, videos on youtube, or try laughter yoga!

8. Share Yourself

Nothing can take your mind off the fact that, “He broke my heart!” like helping another human being. Or, if you’re an animal lover, then volunteer to help your furry friends.

As you start to heal and can take the focus off your own pain, sharing yourself to help others can be surprisingly uplifting. Once you forget about your own troubles, your heart can open to assist those in need and diminish the suffering of those less fortunate than you are.

Volunteering has moved more people into a healthier state than you can imagine. Do good unto others and you will feel your energy and mood elevate.

9. Throw Yourself In

What sort of projects have you been avoiding? This is the prefect time to tackle them! Clean out your closet. Get rid of your paper piles. Give things away to charity. Paint a room. Fix something that’s broken.

Undertaking a project that is new or hanging over your head is a productive use of your time and that alone can shift your mood and state of mind. You’ll feel great once you accomplish something you’ve been putting off for a while.

10. Start Something

Have you ever wanted to learn a new skill or try a new activity? Here are a bunch of options but I”m sure you can come up with your own ideas.

  • Learn to speak Italian
  • Paint a landscape
  • Knit a sweater
  • Try Zumba
  • Play the guitar
  • Salsa dance
  • Sing Karaoke
  • Cook ethnic food
  • Try photography
  • Jump on a trampoline
  • Run a 5K race

You get the idea.

When you take the risk to try something new, you can give yourself a new lease on life. This is a powerful way to rebuild your life and replace time spent with your ex with something fun and expansive.

Creativity and movement can both elevate your mood and lift your spirit. Singing has long been known to do this and is often recommended in bereavement groups. You aren’t likely to feel unhappy when singing (unless you choose one of those down and out country tunes – LOL)

Expand your world by bringing something new and novel into it! This gives your brain the opportunity to create new pathways and stop thinking about HIM!

You Will Love Again

I promise, you will recover and my hope is that you will love again. Take your time with the healing process and be really good to yourself.

As part of your healing process, you might want to work on self love and confidence. Check out my program that supports you in doing this Time to Shine program - graphics for self love and confidence building programTime to Shine! Build Self Love & Confidence in 31 Days.

3 responses on “He Broke My Heart – How To Heal After Unimaginable Heartbreak

  1. Yoyo

    Hello Ronnie,

    Thank you so much for your prompt reply. It is very difficult to believe that all the future plans with him were all gone. We had so many good memories. We still went on hiking and paddling after we broke up, but I think it is time to stop. It became so difficult to be friends with him. I also tried to reflect myself if I should be more considerate in the relationship. Thank you again and I hope you have wonderful weekend!

  2. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Yoyo, I’m so sorry your boyfriend broke up with you. That’s very hard. I’m not sure why he did that without warning. Maybe it’s just like he said – feeling overwhelmed. The hard part is, if you still want him as your boyfriend, friendship right now might no be such a good thing. It would be harder to get over him if you stay in close touch. There are a lot of other coaches who write about how to get your ex back, but I’m not sure any of that really works. If he doesn’t want a girlfriend there’s no making him take you back. You can ask him if he might ever change his mind. But my bet is you need to go your own way for a while. After you feel better, you can be friends again. It will be easier later on. Once you do feel better, go look for a new boyfriend. I’m sure there’s a good man out there for you. If you found love once, you can do it again for sure.

  3. Yoyo

    Hello Ronnie,

    I read your book, and I found a wonderful boyfriend online about 2 years ago. We are in our late 20s. He has a good career and great personality. He was always supportive and listened attentively if something troubled me. We met each other 3 times a week and went away on holidays and weekends. We really had a wonderful time together and we rarely argued. He introduced me to his friends and family. However, he suddenly broke up with me 2 months ago without warning. He said staying in relationship was difficult and he felt overwhelmed. I was his first committed relationship. After we broke up, he proposed to be friends and we meet weekly and talked on phone but we are no longer intimate. He still helps me and encouraged me so much during a difficult time at work. I am confused. Why did he break up with me without any warning? How can I get back with him or move on? Thank you Ronnie!

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