I Want to Meet Him In Person But We Only Talk Or Text

You think, “I want to meet him in person,” but it doesn’t happen. What’s going on with men who hold off and how can you change this?

You Want Him To Meet You In Person

Are you texting and talking to a man for weeks or months, but can’t seem to get him to meet you in person?

This is such a common problem. Many women have been in this frustrating, no-win situation. My clients always want to understand why this occurs and feel attached to the men they’ve gotten to know by phone and text. Often, the only thing they can think about is, “I want to meet him in person!”

Below, I share my dating advice with a woman who wrote about this very issue. She knows this situation isn’t good for her, but wants some help disengaging.

Should I End This Relationship?

“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I met this man through an online site. We have been texting and talking on the phone for six months.  Several dates were planned, but canceled (due to his work and mine).

I feel comfortable talking with him and he always initiates the calls. I can tell he is a smart guy. We can talk for hours from one topic to another including sex and he even shares his fantasy of being with me.

When I am confused or upset, he supports me through calls or texts. I want to meet him in person and he says, “I want to meet you in person too.” But he also says he prefers knowing me bit by bit, talking for hours on the phone. One day, he says, we will meet up.

I Want to Meet Him in Person

All in all, he is a nice person. But, I know that this will not be healthy in the long run. How should I tell him that this “fantasy” relationship between me and him should stop? I feel that ignoring his calls and texts is not the proper way, since we have good relationship and respect each other.

I kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie.

Thank you so much.
Hoping to Meet Him”

Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Dear Hoping,

Let me help you with understanding men.

I want to meet him in personThe first thing is that you have to realize you are NOT in a real relationship. This virtual connection does offer you some emotional support, but will never get beyond fantasy.

The difficult truth is he is wasting your time. Don’t think for one moment this smart guy doesn’t know this. You stay because you keep thinking, “I want to meet him in person” and hope it happens someday.

Don’t you wonder why he continues to talk to you when he knows he’ll never meet you? And,  “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” I bet it would help to know his true intention.

What Are His Intentions?

If you decide to talk to him about this, I guarantee he’ll say he HAS good intentions. He’ll promise to meet you in person soon. But that will just be more meaningless words to keep you in the game. He knows you want more, but he’s stringing you along, getting his needs met by phone.

On the other hand, you are not getting your needs met, because YOU want MORE. And he knows this too, so is he being honest or respectful? Not really.

Think about it logically for a moment and put your heart aside. That’s the best way to understand men. Why would a man want to talk on the phone and text for more than six months and not meet you?

Reasons Why He Keeps This Going

  • He’s married or in a relationship but doesn’t want to cheat physically
  • He doesn’t want the responsibility of a genuine relationship
  • He prefers to avoid any expectations on your part
  • He’s not emotionally available beyond phone chats
  • He doesn’t look like his photo and knows you wouldn’t go for him if you saw him
  • He prefers a fantasy life vs. real life because he’s maladjusted in some way

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea, right?

If this man wanted to date you or meet you in person, he would done so by now. He is using you and taking advantage of your good nature for emotional support and sexual fantasy.

Think about Yourself First, Not Him

Look at how much time you have already invested and wasted with this man, hoping he’ll meet you in person. More than six months! You’ve given your heart away to a man who will NEVER meet you or kiss you.

Unfortunately, it’s time to acknowledge this NOW and STOP texting and talking to him.

You owe him NOTHING because you’ve given him everything. You’ve spent enough time dreaming about how, “I want to meet him in person.” But it’s not going to happen with this man, ever.

Date Men Who Want to Meet

Once you start meeting men in person and going on dates, this guy will fade into the background.

And if you encounter another guy who avoids dates and you start thinking, “I want to meet him in person” that’s your signal to ditch the guy FAST and move on. If you want to find the real thing, you can’t waste time waiting around for some man to “get ready.”

Rule of Thumb

A good rule of thumb for how long to give a guy to meet you in person is 7-10 days. That’s it! Any man who needs more time is not actually available. It might be he’s not available emotionally or geographically or his life is too full for love to be a priority. Each of these situations are red flags that he’s the wrong guy, if you want lasting love.

You Deserve Real Love

I know it’s not easy to let go, but thankfully you’ve already figured out this is unhealthy. You deserve the whole enchilada: a man who wants to spend time with you, hug and kiss you, laugh and hold hands, spend time with friends, go to dinner and make love.

If you can’t shut him off cold turkey, then text him and say, you want more so you’ve decided to move on. But then you have to be BRAVE and block him. Because I guarantee he will keep after you as long as you let him. He’ll never let go of the good thing you are in his life. You have to shut it down.

Wishing you love,

why does he come and go

 

 

Ready to meet the right man? Watch my free masterclass 5 Astonishingly Simple Ways to Find “The One” 

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

145 thoughts on “I Want to Meet Him In Person But We Only Talk Or Text”

  1. I’m in a bit of a pickle Ronnie ! To be clear, I don’t want a relationship with the man / best friend I have. We both have feelings for one another and have fooled around a couple of times. I hate to admit it, but he does have a girlfriend whom he is not happy with. It’s a convenance situation for his work situation. We bonded immediately when we met – he had a horrible childhood, and has also struggled with alcohol and depression…

    Reply
  2. Good day ronnie! I was hoping you could give me some advice on my situation. I have been talking to a really nice guy I met online a few years ago. We became friends IrL, and started to really develop feelings for eachother right before he had to move away for work. He moved about 2 hours north. He will text me a couple of times a week and flirt , say he misses me and how we will see each other soon. My question is, should I text him after a few days and ask if he has time to meet up ? Is this something he should plan since he has more of a hectic schedule than me ? (He works nights and has class sometimes during the day). I don’t want to seem desperate by asking if he wants to meet up but we both really want to see one another 😉 thanks!

    Reply
    • Hi GreenApple, The thing is, if he wanted to date you and build a romantic relationship, he’d do something about it. Men who are seriously interested take action to make it happen. On the other hand, talk is easy. Saying he misses you etc. is nice, but means nothing in terms of him wanting more. Sounds like he doesn’t have time anyway – which actually means he’s not geographically desirable and not really available. Do yourself a favor, if you enjoy his friendship, leave it be. Look for love locally.

  3. My situation is that a guy I met a few years ago became a friend of mine. We never dated but we absolutely felt feelings for one another. He went to live with his ailing parents and help them out. We haven’t seen one another in a few years. I’ve dated, he has dated people but we always tend to text randomly expressing our feelings. I’ve asked him to meet up and it’s always when he has a GF. So he can’t. Well today he sent me a message asking if I wanted to go on a short road trip because he may be buying a new car. He could easily drive the 4 hours himself and buy the vehicle but I truly think he wants to see me. It made me feel good that he is trying to see me. I need to make it eat when / if we do go that I am looking for a relationship and I doubt he can give that to me. Friends, absolutely … but not sure if we can both just be only that. He’s so darn good looking. Anyways , we will see if we truly do go on this short trip or if he flakes and takes his buddy who lives next door to him.

    Reply
    • Hi Campbell – if you are hoping for lasting love, hes not your guy and I’m glad you seem to realize this. Expressing feelings really doesn’t mean much without the effort to spend time together. It’s easy to say anything but the proof is in his actions.

  4. I saw this blog and found the conversation to be very interesting. Just adding my two cents regarding why a man wont commit to meeting up. Sometimes they have deeper issues than you think. I had a very close male friend whose work was taxing with extreme stress. On his days off, he avoided the phone and just relaxed. If I wanted to go out or have him over, it was all on his terms. He eventually admitted that he had feelings for me, and got nervous around me. I think some men really do care, but they may have things that hold them back. My friend ended up being relocating so I haven’t seen him in a year. Before he left, he admitted how much he appreciated everything and how he loved me. He also told me that if he vanishes or if he doesn’t want to meet up, that’s on him. That’s his issues. We have unsaid terms to our friendship and just get each other. He isn’t perfect and neither am I. I’m hoping to see him this month, and he has texted me saying he misses me and wants to connect but I don’t pressure him. I know his anxieties are real. Better not to push and let someone like that come to u. They respect u for giving them space and not pressuring them. He and I won’t ever be in a relationship, and I’m currently on the market but deep down I’ll always love him. Just my two cents .:)

    Reply
    • Hi Ranger, Thanks for your two cents! 🙂 What’s different in this cases is you are FULLY AWARE you’ll never be in a relationship and are OK with that. Many women aren’t – they hope things will turn around. My comments are all about finding lasting love – so when a man has problems – he’s not the right man – just as you know your man is not the right man for you. Waiting around for some guy who might be a great guy but has problems is what I hope to help other women avoid. Of course men who are commitment phobic have good reasons and are doing their best to take care of their own needs. My point is that a man with problems is a bad bet for long-term happiness no matter how much love there is between you. Thanks for helping me clarify.

  5. This blog is amazing! I met a guy in person, we hit it off immediately! He moved away for work. His texting slowed a lot and his hour long phone calls slowed to nothing. One morning he called admitting he was living with an off and on Girlfriend. What!? Fast forward to 10 years later we are still best friends. The issue is he repeatedly says we will meet up for coffee or dinner when he is in town, but it never happens. He will text me all happy with a plan, I agree and say, “when?” He vanishes for days, pops back up a week later saying he’s miserable with his lady and just wants to leave. I have learned over the years to let him talk. When he gets like this I step back and don’t text him. Maybe that’s the problem – he gets upset because he thinks I don’t care? He is so confusing now that I can’t see him in person. I just want him to follow through with the idea HE had of meeting up with me. Is it worth texting him and telling him how it hurts when he does this? I’m not saying a word until I hear from him.

    Reply
    • Hi Neique, I’m sorry that you are hurting. You have given 10 years to this man you say you are friends with who vanishes on you? It’s classic for man to engage with other women saying he’s so unhappy with his current woman. He’s selfish to constantly ask to get together and never following through. That’s not how a good friend treats you. Would you put up with a girlfriend who did that? If you told him how this hurts, I doubt he’d behave differently. My hope for you is that you realize this friendship is not that healthy – it seems like you are supporting him emotionally hoping for more. You have learned how to keep it going but why? What does he offer you? Are you hoping one day he’ll pick you? See if you can let him go and look for a man you can date and find love with.

  6. i met someone 8 months ago online and we been chatting 24/7 since. he also sent me flowers to my office and buy me monthly gifts but not willing meet me yet. we plan to meet exactly a year from the day we know each other though. but if i want any earlier, he seems to find reasons not to meet. i dont get it. what should i do?

    Reply
    • Hey Girl, This might come as a surprise…While you may be enjoying a great long distance romance, when a man doesn’t want to meet you, there’s a REASON. He put it off into the future to keep you hanging because he’s enjoying how things are right now. No expectations, no rules, no visits, just fantasy and romance without all the relationship stuff. Why? Because most likely he is married, has a woman in his life, prefers fantasy or doesn’t look anything like he presents himself. Something is very fishy which is why you don’t get it – you KNOW something is wrong. This is not real and he is not ever going to meet you. He’s playing a fun game. If you want real love, stop engaging with him and go meet a real man locally.

  7. I hope you can help. Five months ago I met this guy on social media. He contracted me and we spoke for five months and met twice. We talk on the phone. The problem is he hasn’t asked to meet me again and I’m really confused as I don’t know where I stand. I asked him by dropping hints, but he never seems to listen. I’m not sure what to do, he’s not the sort of guy I can have a proper conversation with as everything seems to be about him. I find opening up to him hard. I want to ask him but h’es never on line enough to have it out with him. Please help.

    Reply
    • Hi Michelle, If you’ve only had two dates in 5 months, he is NOT serious about you. Plus, you can’t talk to him! What do you need a guy like this for? What is he really offering you? Nothing that I can see. Instead, I’d like you to build yourself-esteem and self-worth so you can see he is NOT the man for you. You deserve to be with a guy who wants to spend time with you, is kind and cares about your happiness. Let him go and move on to find a new man who wants to see you at least once a week and more after a few weeks. Don’t put up with treatment like this. A confident woman would walk away in a flash. You can be that woman – don’t let him play with your heart like this.

  8. Hi Ronnie,
    I started talking to this guy in September with no intention to date. 3 days prior I had been dumped by my ex and I confided in this guy – he helped me through it. I thought I was rebounding a month later, so I backed off. I told him I liked him and he said he’s busy but wants to meet and spend time with me. We have talk everyday. He calls me pet names, says he misses me and likes me, but he has made no attempt to see me – its one excuse after the other. I know he’s scared of commitment so I tried to call it off on two occasions. I’m getting insecure and worried and I keep trying to call it off because I want more. I know this doesn’t help him feel comfortable. I’m so emotionally attached to him at this point. I just want him to let me go if he doesn’t intend anything to go on, or try to make plans… Whats your opinion?

    Reply
    • Hi Shannon, I know you are attached, but you need to get real about this. You’ve never met so he could be married for all you know. Your relationship offers emotional appeal, but he makes no attempt to meet. Here’s what you need to know – what a man says is meaningless unless he backs it up with his actions. Since this guy takes no action his words are worthless. You probably make him feel good so why would he give that up? It’s up to YOU to do what is best for you. So, you need to shut this down and move on. I know this is hard to hear, but you are not giving up anything – he’s only the illusion of a boyfriend. Let him go and now that you feel ready for love again, look for someone local who is ready to meet within 7 days!

  9. I started talking to this guy on Instagram for 3 months. He never made me feel uncomfortable or anything inappropriate. I thought I should go for it and tell him how I feel, so I told him I like him, but would like to get to know him better, and if he doesn’t feel the same way then it’s OK. He asked to grab lunch. I live in NJ and he lives in Philly. Since I’m in grad school and finals were going on I said we can but asked if we could after my semester is over. He said “no worries” One week goes by, he doesn’t text, nothing. So I thought maybe he thinks I’m not serious so I text him asking and confirming that we can meet after the 19th when my semester is over. He seemed happy, asking me where I would take him etc. Now 2 weeks have gone by, no texts, nothing from him. He left me hanging. I’ve tried to talk twice before the text, but I don’t understand, where I went wrong. He just lost interest just like that. If he wasn’t interested in meeting up then why did he seem happy about it? Then ghost?

    Reply
    • Hi Rav, He probably never expected or wanted to meet you which is often the case with long-distance texting and social media relationships. So you did nothing to push him away. Where you went wrong sadly was thinking an Instragram relationship had potential. If you want to find love, look locally and stay away from social media or texting Long distance relationships. They can be fun for a while but never the real thing. Here are two posts to read that will give you more insight. Most people who engage in these types of relationships are either married, not serious, boosting their egos or not capable of a true relationship. School can be the best place to find a guy – next semester make it a priority to meet local guys!

  10. Dear Ronnie,
    I met a guy online, he wanted to meet me in person but says he cannot travel because of his work. I have a really hard time trusting. We often have sex on video call. He sometimes give me advice – that I should be careful with guys on the internet. He told me if we meet face to face and once he falls in love with me, we would be in a relationship, but I told my friends about it but they told me that guy is actually lying to me. I am confused now whom I should trust. Should I trust my friends or him??

    Reply
    • Hi Thea, This is a time to trust your friends. This guy is not in love and hasn’t taken steps to meet you, so all that, “When we meet face-to-face” stuff is nonsense. He is not sincere so your friends are right. This guy even told you not to trust men on the internet – that includes HIM! If you are looking for love, you might not want to be so vulnerable or have sex by video. I also recommend looking for love locally if you are serious about finding a relationship.

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