I Want to Meet Him In Person But We Only Talk Or Text

You think, “I want to meet him in person,” but it doesn’t happen. What’s going on with men who hold off and how can you change this?

You Want Him To Meet You In Person

Are you texting and talking to a man for weeks or months, but can’t seem to get him to meet you in person?

This is such a common problem. Many women have been in this frustrating, no-win situation. My clients always want to understand why this occurs and feel attached to the men they’ve gotten to know by phone and text. Often, the only thing they can think about is, “I want to meet him in person!”

Below, I share my dating advice with a woman who wrote about this very issue. She knows this situation isn’t good for her, but wants some help disengaging.

Should I End This Relationship?

“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I met this man through an online site. We have been texting and talking on the phone for six months.  Several dates were planned, but canceled (due to his work and mine).

I feel comfortable talking with him and he always initiates the calls. I can tell he is a smart guy. We can talk for hours from one topic to another including sex and he even shares his fantasy of being with me.

When I am confused or upset, he supports me through calls or texts. I want to meet him in person and he says, “I want to meet you in person too.” But he also says he prefers knowing me bit by bit, talking for hours on the phone. One day, he says, we will meet up.

I Want to Meet Him in Person

All in all, he is a nice person. But, I know that this will not be healthy in the long run. How should I tell him that this “fantasy” relationship between me and him should stop? I feel that ignoring his calls and texts is not the proper way, since we have good relationship and respect each other.

I kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie.

Thank you so much.
Hoping to Meet Him”

Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Dear Hoping,

Let me help you with understanding men.

I want to meet him in personThe first thing is that you have to realize you are NOT in a real relationship. This virtual connection does offer you some emotional support, but will never get beyond fantasy.

The difficult truth is he is wasting your time. Don’t think for one moment this smart guy doesn’t know this. You stay because you keep thinking, “I want to meet him in person” and hope it happens someday.

Don’t you wonder why he continues to talk to you when he knows he’ll never meet you? And,  “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” I bet it would help to know his true intention.

What Are His Intentions?

If you decide to talk to him about this, I guarantee he’ll say he HAS good intentions. He’ll promise to meet you in person soon. But that will just be more meaningless words to keep you in the game. He knows you want more, but he’s stringing you along, getting his needs met by phone.

On the other hand, you are not getting your needs met, because YOU want MORE. And he knows this too, so is he being honest or respectful? Not really.

Think about it logically for a moment and put your heart aside. That’s the best way to understand men. Why would a man want to talk on the phone and text for more than six months and not meet you?

Reasons Why He Keeps This Going

  • He’s married or in a relationship but doesn’t want to cheat physically
  • He doesn’t want the responsibility of a genuine relationship
  • He prefers to avoid any expectations on your part
  • He’s not emotionally available beyond phone chats
  • He doesn’t look like his photo and knows you wouldn’t go for him if you saw him
  • He prefers a fantasy life vs. real life because he’s maladjusted in some way

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea, right?

If this man wanted to date you or meet you in person, he would done so by now. He is using you and taking advantage of your good nature for emotional support and sexual fantasy.

Think about Yourself First, Not Him

Look at how much time you have already invested and wasted with this man, hoping he’ll meet you in person. More than six months! You’ve given your heart away to a man who will NEVER meet you or kiss you.

Unfortunately, it’s time to acknowledge this NOW and STOP texting and talking to him.

You owe him NOTHING because you’ve given him everything. You’ve spent enough time dreaming about how, “I want to meet him in person.” But it’s not going to happen with this man, ever.

Date Men Who Want to Meet

Once you start meeting men in person and going on dates, this guy will fade into the background.

And if you encounter another guy who avoids dates and you start thinking, “I want to meet him in person” that’s your signal to ditch the guy FAST and move on. If you want to find the real thing, you can’t waste time waiting around for some man to “get ready.”

Rule of Thumb

A good rule of thumb for how long to give a guy to meet you in person is 7-10 days. That’s it! Any man who needs more time is not actually available. It might be he’s not available emotionally or geographically or his life is too full for love to be a priority. Each of these situations are red flags that he’s the wrong guy, if you want lasting love.

You Deserve Real Love

I know it’s not easy to let go, but thankfully you’ve already figured out this is unhealthy. You deserve the whole enchilada: a man who wants to spend time with you, hug and kiss you, laugh and hold hands, spend time with friends, go to dinner and make love.

If you can’t shut him off cold turkey, then text him and say, you want more so you’ve decided to move on. But then you have to be BRAVE and block him. Because I guarantee he will keep after you as long as you let him. He’ll never let go of the good thing you are in his life. You have to shut it down.

Wishing you love,

why does he come and go

 

 

Ready to meet the right man? Watch my free masterclass 5 Astonishingly Simple Ways to Find “The One” 

143 thoughts on “I Want to Meet Him In Person But We Only Talk Or Text”

  1. It’s been 3.5 months since I met this guy. He’d been emailing me…not even a phone call. I asked why he doesn’t call and he said he prefers to talk in person. After 2 months he invited me over for dinner and it went fine. The 3rd time we had dinner we slept together. Then back to emailing. He knows I’m looking for a relationship and no FWB. He clearly is talking to someone else as well bc when I asked if he’s dating others he gave a real non-answer. He shares intimate thoughts and struggles. We talked on the phone twice for hours. Even after I expressed my feelings, he has not shown much affection or expressed feelings other than he appreciates me. He says he hates his job and says he can’t be his best self until he figures it out. What do I do? I feel like I should give him space but he always texts me after a day or two. We’ve become close but I don’t know….is he taking it slow, trying to friendzone me, doesn’t want to be with me….thanks.

    Reply
    • Hi Antoinette, Sounds to me like he’s happy to learn on you for emotional support but doesn’t provide much to you. Since you already expressed your feelings and he didn’t admit to the same, that let’s you know he DOESN’T FEEL THE SAME AS YOU DO. Giving him space will not change this. And in a way he’s told you until he settles his job situation he doesn’t want a relationship. Even if you could see him now, that doesn’t mean he’d say he loves you. If he’s not creating the kind of relationship you want and doesn’t return your feelings why are you hanging in there? It’s time for you to evaluate if he meets YOUR needs. Sounds to me like he doesn’t. Then you make your decision accordingly. This ball is in your court.

  2. Pingback: If He's Not Interested in Me, Why Does He Contact Me? (And More!)
  3. Hi Ronnie, I’ve been texting this guy for 8 months now. We went out on a date once after 6 months and haven’t been out since. I mentioned we should go out again sometime but, he has always said “We’ll see”. Before going out, we flirted a lot but also had deep conversations. In the beginning i did not have feelings for him because I was just texting and assumed it would die out soon. It didn’t and we still text each other. Then I started having feelings for him. After going out with him, I felt a change with him. We kind of stopped flirting, he now texts whenever he feels like it. The annoying part is that I know he is on his phone because he sends me a post on instagram or snapchat. I have called him out before about it and all he will say is “lmaoo”. I want to meet him again and I’m tired of putting in a lot more effort and valuing him when I don’t get the same energy in return. I am now confused whether he even wants me or he’s not ready to admit he has feelings for me or if lost feelings for me. I really need help because I am confused of what he wants.

    Reply
    • Hi Nani, I hate to say this but he doesn’t want to date you or have a a relationship. He met you once but it took 6 MONTHS. You’ll likely never see him again. If he wanted to see you, he’d agree to a date, not write LMAO which is quite rude. I agree, why are you working so hard to value him when he doesn’t value you? His texts mean nothing without dating you. Even deep conversations don’t mean he loves you. Sadly, you have wasted enough time on this man. The solution is to STOP texting him and block him so you can move on. I hope you can let go. Then meet local men and text only 7 days – if a man can’t go on a date in that time, try others so you can find a man who wants to meet, date and have a lasting relationship. Texting alone will never lead there.

  4. Hi Ronnie. I have the exact same problem. There’s a guy I met about a year back online. We live in the same city and country just under an hour away from each other. We’ve spoken a lot, have a great connection but he never wants to meet up with me. He keeps saying we will make a plan soon. We have flirted a lot, both communicated how we feel but he doesn’t want to meet up. It’s been about 9 months that I have known him. The thing is- I did cut him off as I realized he has no respect for me & how I feel. We went two months without speaking; when randomly I received a message saying he misses me. Funnily enough, he blocked me and then unblocked me. He kept doing that. I don’t understand why am I never good enough for him to meet up with? What is it that I keep doing wrong? Like why string me along? But I understand what you’ve said in this blog about meeting his needs met via text. I’ve felt really pathetic with this guy because he didn’t even want to send me voice note or even have a conversation on the phone. We spoke once. I know- I’m an idiot.

    Reply
    • Hi Cam, Don’t say that about yourself! This has nothing to do with you not being good enough and EVERYTHING to do with you THINKING THAT WAY. When you think you’re not good enough, you try to get validation from a man who is out for himself. A man who doesn’t want a relationship and just wants to play games with women’s heads and hearts. He is not a quality person, so you don’t need this kind of validation and sadly you’ll never get it!

      The validation of who you are that you need COMES FROM WITHIN. Knowing you are not only good enough, but fabulous and he is the IDIOT for not seeing that – that’s how you turn this around! It will take a little practice thinking this way, but you can do it! Read this post about how to make a man chase you – it won’t work on men who aren’t interested, but you don’t want them anyway. It will work on men who are high value and seek a relationship with a fabulous woman.

      You might also want to read this post on your love mindset and how it can get in the way. Mindset can be learned and practiced, so take this on and learn to shine! You deserve love Cam, but not with that bozo. No on deserves poor treatment except a man like that who is just leading you on for the fun of it.

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