I Want to Meet Him In Person But We Only Talk Or Text

You think, “I want to meet him in person,” but it doesn’t happen. What’s going on with men who hold off and how can you change this?

You Want Him To Meet You In Person

Are you texting and talking to a man for weeks or months, but can’t seem to get him to meet you in person?

This is such a common problem. Many women have been in this frustrating, no-win situation. My clients always want to understand why this occurs and feel attached to the men they’ve gotten to know by phone and text. Often, the only thing they can think about is, “I want to meet him in person!”

Below, I share my dating advice with a woman who wrote about this very issue. She knows this situation isn’t good for her, but wants some help disengaging.

Should I End This Relationship?

“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I met this man through an online site. We have been texting and talking on the phone for six months.  Several dates were planned, but canceled (due to his work and mine).

I feel comfortable talking with him and he always initiates the calls. I can tell he is a smart guy. We can talk for hours from one topic to another including sex and he even shares his fantasy of being with me.

When I am confused or upset, he supports me through calls or texts. I want to meet him in person and he says, “I want to meet you in person too.” But he also says he prefers knowing me bit by bit, talking for hours on the phone. One day, he says, we will meet up.

I Want to Meet Him in Person

All in all, he is a nice person. But, I know that this will not be healthy in the long run. How should I tell him that this “fantasy” relationship between me and him should stop? I feel that ignoring his calls and texts is not the proper way, since we have good relationship and respect each other.

I kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie.

Thank you so much.
Hoping to Meet Him”

Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Dear Hoping,

Let me help you with understanding men.

I want to meet him in personThe first thing is that you have to realize you are NOT in a real relationship. This virtual connection does offer you some emotional support, but will never get beyond fantasy.

The difficult truth is he is wasting your time. Don’t think for one moment this smart guy doesn’t know this. You stay because you keep thinking, “I want to meet him in person” and hope it happens someday.

Don’t you wonder why he continues to talk to you when he knows he’ll never meet you? And,  “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” I bet it would help to know his true intention.

What Are His Intentions?

If you decide to talk to him about this, I guarantee he’ll say he HAS good intentions. He’ll promise to meet you in person soon. But that will just be more meaningless words to keep you in the game. He knows you want more, but he’s stringing you along, getting his needs met by phone.

On the other hand, you are not getting your needs met, because YOU want MORE. And he knows this too, so is he being honest or respectful? Not really.

Think about it logically for a moment and put your heart aside. That’s the best way to understand men. Why would a man want to talk on the phone and text for more than six months and not meet you?

Reasons Why He Keeps This Going

  • He’s married or in a relationship but doesn’t want to cheat physically
  • He doesn’t want the responsibility of a genuine relationship
  • He prefers to avoid any expectations on your part
  • He’s not emotionally available beyond phone chats
  • He doesn’t look like his photo and knows you wouldn’t go for him if you saw him
  • He prefers a fantasy life vs. real life because he’s maladjusted in some way

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea, right?

If this man wanted to date you or meet you in person, he would done so by now. He is using you and taking advantage of your good nature for emotional support and sexual fantasy.

Think about Yourself First, Not Him

Look at how much time you have already invested and wasted with this man, hoping he’ll meet you in person. More than six months! You’ve given your heart away to a man who will NEVER meet you or kiss you.

Unfortunately, it’s time to acknowledge this NOW and STOP texting and talking to him.

You owe him NOTHING because you’ve given him everything. You’ve spent enough time dreaming about how, “I want to meet him in person.” But it’s not going to happen with this man, ever.

Date Men Who Want to Meet

Once you start meeting men in person and going on dates, this guy will fade into the background.

And if you encounter another guy who avoids dates and you start thinking, “I want to meet him in person” that’s your signal to ditch the guy FAST and move on. If you want to find the real thing, you can’t waste time waiting around for some man to “get ready.”

Rule of Thumb

A good rule of thumb for how long to give a guy to meet you in person is 7-10 days. That’s it! Any man who needs more time is not actually available. It might be he’s not available emotionally or geographically or his life is too full for love to be a priority. Each of these situations are red flags that he’s the wrong guy, if you want lasting love.

You Deserve Real Love

I know it’s not easy to let go, but thankfully you’ve already figured out this is unhealthy. You deserve the whole enchilada: a man who wants to spend time with you, hug and kiss you, laugh and hold hands, spend time with friends, go to dinner and make love.

If you can’t shut him off cold turkey, then text him and say, you want more so you’ve decided to move on. But then you have to be BRAVE and block him. Because I guarantee he will keep after you as long as you let him. He’ll never let go of the good thing you are in his life. You have to shut it down.

Wishing you love,

why does he come and go



Ready to meet the right man? Watch my free masterclass 5 Astonishingly Simple Ways to Find “The One” 

141 responses on “I Want to Meet Him In Person But We Only Talk Or Text

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Nani, I hate to say this but he doesn’t want to date you or have a a relationship. He met you once but it took 6 MONTHS. You’ll likely never see him again. If he wanted to see you, he’d agree to a date, not write LMAO which is quite rude. I agree, why are you working so hard to value him when he doesn’t value you? His texts mean nothing without dating you. Even deep conversations don’t mean he loves you. Sadly, you have wasted enough time on this man. The solution is to STOP texting him and block him so you can move on. I hope you can let go. Then meet local men and text only 7 days – if a man can’t go on a date in that time, try others so you can find a man who wants to meet, date and have a lasting relationship. Texting alone will never lead there.

  2. Nani

    Hi Ronnie, I’ve been texting this guy for 8 months now. We went out on a date once after 6 months and haven’t been out since. I mentioned we should go out again sometime but, he has always said “We’ll see”. Before going out, we flirted a lot but also had deep conversations. In the beginning i did not have feelings for him because I was just texting and assumed it would die out soon. It didn’t and we still text each other. Then I started having feelings for him. After going out with him, I felt a change with him. We kind of stopped flirting, he now texts whenever he feels like it. The annoying part is that I know he is on his phone because he sends me a post on instagram or snapchat. I have called him out before about it and all he will say is “lmaoo”. I want to meet him again and I’m tired of putting in a lot more effort and valuing him when I don’t get the same energy in return. I am now confused whether he even wants me or he’s not ready to admit he has feelings for me or if lost feelings for me. I really need help because I am confused of what he wants.

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cam, Don’t say that about yourself! This has nothing to do with you not being good enough and EVERYTHING to do with you THINKING THAT WAY. When you think you’re not good enough, you try to get validation from a man who is out for himself. A man who doesn’t want a relationship and just wants to play games with women’s heads and hearts. He is not a quality person, so you don’t need this kind of validation and sadly you’ll never get it!

    The validation of who you are that you need COMES FROM WITHIN. Knowing you are not only good enough, but fabulous and he is the IDIOT for not seeing that – that’s how you turn this around! It will take a little practice thinking this way, but you can do it! Read this post about how to make a man chase you – it won’t work on men who aren’t interested, but you don’t want them anyway. It will work on men who are high value and seek a relationship with a fabulous woman.

    You might also want to read this post on your love mindset and how it can get in the way. Mindset can be learned and practiced, so take this on and learn to shine! You deserve love Cam, but not with that bozo. No on deserves poor treatment except a man like that who is just leading you on for the fun of it.

  4. Cam

    Hi Ronnie. I have the exact same problem. There’s a guy I met about a year back online. We live in the same city and country just under an hour away from each other. We’ve spoken a lot, have a great connection but he never wants to meet up with me. He keeps saying we will make a plan soon. We have flirted a lot, both communicated how we feel but he doesn’t want to meet up. It’s been about 9 months that I have known him. The thing is- I did cut him off as I realized he has no respect for me & how I feel. We went two months without speaking; when randomly I received a message saying he misses me. Funnily enough, he blocked me and then unblocked me. He kept doing that. I don’t understand why am I never good enough for him to meet up with? What is it that I keep doing wrong? Like why string me along? But I understand what you’ve said in this blog about meeting his needs met via text. I’ve felt really pathetic with this guy because he didn’t even want to send me voice note or even have a conversation on the phone. We spoke once. I know- I’m an idiot.

  5. Darla

    I’m in a bit of a pickle Ronnie ! To be clear, I don’t want a relationship with the man / best friend I have. We both have feelings for one another and have fooled around a couple of times. I hate to admit it, but he does have a girlfriend whom he is not happy with. It’s a convenance situation for his work situation. We bonded immediately when we met – he had a horrible childhood, and has also struggled with alcohol and depression…

  6. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi GreenApple, The thing is, if he wanted to date you and build a romantic relationship, he’d do something about it. Men who are seriously interested take action to make it happen. On the other hand, talk is easy. Saying he misses you etc. is nice, but means nothing in terms of him wanting more. Sounds like he doesn’t have time anyway – which actually means he’s not geographically desirable and not really available. Do yourself a favor, if you enjoy his friendship, leave it be. Look for love locally.

  7. GreenApple

    Good day ronnie! I was hoping you could give me some advice on my situation. I have been talking to a really nice guy I met online a few years ago. We became friends IrL, and started to really develop feelings for eachother right before he had to move away for work. He moved about 2 hours north. He will text me a couple of times a week and flirt , say he misses me and how we will see each other soon. My question is, should I text him after a few days and ask if he has time to meet up ? Is this something he should plan since he has more of a hectic schedule than me ? (He works nights and has class sometimes during the day). I don’t want to seem desperate by asking if he wants to meet up but we both really want to see one another 😉 thanks!

  8. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Campbell – if you are hoping for lasting love, hes not your guy and I’m glad you seem to realize this. Expressing feelings really doesn’t mean much without the effort to spend time together. It’s easy to say anything but the proof is in his actions.

  9. Campbell

    My situation is that a guy I met a few years ago became a friend of mine. We never dated but we absolutely felt feelings for one another. He went to live with his ailing parents and help them out. We haven’t seen one another in a few years. I’ve dated, he has dated people but we always tend to text randomly expressing our feelings. I’ve asked him to meet up and it’s always when he has a GF. So he can’t. Well today he sent me a message asking if I wanted to go on a short road trip because he may be buying a new car. He could easily drive the 4 hours himself and buy the vehicle but I truly think he wants to see me. It made me feel good that he is trying to see me. I need to make it eat when / if we do go that I am looking for a relationship and I doubt he can give that to me. Friends, absolutely … but not sure if we can both just be only that. He’s so darn good looking. Anyways , we will see if we truly do go on this short trip or if he flakes and takes his buddy who lives next door to him.

  10. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ranger, Thanks for your two cents! 🙂 What’s different in this cases is you are FULLY AWARE you’ll never be in a relationship and are OK with that. Many women aren’t – they hope things will turn around. My comments are all about finding lasting love – so when a man has problems – he’s not the right man – just as you know your man is not the right man for you. Waiting around for some guy who might be a great guy but has problems is what I hope to help other women avoid. Of course men who are commitment phobic have good reasons and are doing their best to take care of their own needs. My point is that a man with problems is a bad bet for long-term happiness no matter how much love there is between you. Thanks for helping me clarify.

  11. Ranger67

    I saw this blog and found the conversation to be very interesting. Just adding my two cents regarding why a man wont commit to meeting up. Sometimes they have deeper issues than you think. I had a very close male friend whose work was taxing with extreme stress. On his days off, he avoided the phone and just relaxed. If I wanted to go out or have him over, it was all on his terms. He eventually admitted that he had feelings for me, and got nervous around me. I think some men really do care, but they may have things that hold them back. My friend ended up being relocating so I haven’t seen him in a year. Before he left, he admitted how much he appreciated everything and how he loved me. He also told me that if he vanishes or if he doesn’t want to meet up, that’s on him. That’s his issues. We have unsaid terms to our friendship and just get each other. He isn’t perfect and neither am I. I’m hoping to see him this month, and he has texted me saying he misses me and wants to connect but I don’t pressure him. I know his anxieties are real. Better not to push and let someone like that come to u. They respect u for giving them space and not pressuring them. He and I won’t ever be in a relationship, and I’m currently on the market but deep down I’ll always love him. Just my two cents .:)

  12. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Neique, I’m sorry that you are hurting. You have given 10 years to this man you say you are friends with who vanishes on you? It’s classic for man to engage with other women saying he’s so unhappy with his current woman. He’s selfish to constantly ask to get together and never following through. That’s not how a good friend treats you. Would you put up with a girlfriend who did that? If you told him how this hurts, I doubt he’d behave differently. My hope for you is that you realize this friendship is not that healthy – it seems like you are supporting him emotionally hoping for more. You have learned how to keep it going but why? What does he offer you? Are you hoping one day he’ll pick you? See if you can let him go and look for a man you can date and find love with.

  13. Neique

    This blog is amazing! I met a guy in person, we hit it off immediately! He moved away for work. His texting slowed a lot and his hour long phone calls slowed to nothing. One morning he called admitting he was living with an off and on Girlfriend. What!? Fast forward to 10 years later we are still best friends. The issue is he repeatedly says we will meet up for coffee or dinner when he is in town, but it never happens. He will text me all happy with a plan, I agree and say, “when?” He vanishes for days, pops back up a week later saying he’s miserable with his lady and just wants to leave. I have learned over the years to let him talk. When he gets like this I step back and don’t text him. Maybe that’s the problem – he gets upset because he thinks I don’t care? He is so confusing now that I can’t see him in person. I just want him to follow through with the idea HE had of meeting up with me. Is it worth texting him and telling him how it hurts when he does this? I’m not saying a word until I hear from him.

  14. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Girl, This might come as a surprise…While you may be enjoying a great long distance romance, when a man doesn’t want to meet you, there’s a REASON. He put it off into the future to keep you hanging because he’s enjoying how things are right now. No expectations, no rules, no visits, just fantasy and romance without all the relationship stuff. Why? Because most likely he is married, has a woman in his life, prefers fantasy or doesn’t look anything like he presents himself. Something is very fishy which is why you don’t get it – you KNOW something is wrong. This is not real and he is not ever going to meet you. He’s playing a fun game. If you want real love, stop engaging with him and go meet a real man locally.

  15. girl

    i met someone 8 months ago online and we been chatting 24/7 since. he also sent me flowers to my office and buy me monthly gifts but not willing meet me yet. we plan to meet exactly a year from the day we know each other though. but if i want any earlier, he seems to find reasons not to meet. i dont get it. what should i do?

  16. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Michelle, If you’ve only had two dates in 5 months, he is NOT serious about you. Plus, you can’t talk to him! What do you need a guy like this for? What is he really offering you? Nothing that I can see. Instead, I’d like you to build yourself-esteem and self-worth so you can see he is NOT the man for you. You deserve to be with a guy who wants to spend time with you, is kind and cares about your happiness. Let him go and move on to find a new man who wants to see you at least once a week and more after a few weeks. Don’t put up with treatment like this. A confident woman would walk away in a flash. You can be that woman – don’t let him play with your heart like this.

  17. michelle

    I hope you can help. Five months ago I met this guy on social media. He contracted me and we spoke for five months and met twice. We talk on the phone. The problem is he hasn’t asked to meet me again and I’m really confused as I don’t know where I stand. I asked him by dropping hints, but he never seems to listen. I’m not sure what to do, he’s not the sort of guy I can have a proper conversation with as everything seems to be about him. I find opening up to him hard. I want to ask him but h’es never on line enough to have it out with him. Please help.

  18. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Shannon, I know you are attached, but you need to get real about this. You’ve never met so he could be married for all you know. Your relationship offers emotional appeal, but he makes no attempt to meet. Here’s what you need to know – what a man says is meaningless unless he backs it up with his actions. Since this guy takes no action his words are worthless. You probably make him feel good so why would he give that up? It’s up to YOU to do what is best for you. So, you need to shut this down and move on. I know this is hard to hear, but you are not giving up anything – he’s only the illusion of a boyfriend. Let him go and now that you feel ready for love again, look for someone local who is ready to meet within 7 days!

  19. Shannon

    Hi Ronnie,
    I started talking to this guy in September with no intention to date. 3 days prior I had been dumped by my ex and I confided in this guy – he helped me through it. I thought I was rebounding a month later, so I backed off. I told him I liked him and he said he’s busy but wants to meet and spend time with me. We have talk everyday. He calls me pet names, says he misses me and likes me, but he has made no attempt to see me – its one excuse after the other. I know he’s scared of commitment so I tried to call it off on two occasions. I’m getting insecure and worried and I keep trying to call it off because I want more. I know this doesn’t help him feel comfortable. I’m so emotionally attached to him at this point. I just want him to let me go if he doesn’t intend anything to go on, or try to make plans… Whats your opinion?

  20. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Rav, He probably never expected or wanted to meet you which is often the case with long-distance texting and social media relationships. So you did nothing to push him away. Where you went wrong sadly was thinking an Instragram relationship had potential. If you want to find love, look locally and stay away from social media or texting Long distance relationships. They can be fun for a while but never the real thing. Here are two posts to read that will give you more insight. Most people who engage in these types of relationships are either married, not serious, boosting their egos or not capable of a true relationship. School can be the best place to find a guy – next semester make it a priority to meet local guys!

  21. Rav

    I started talking to this guy on Instagram for 3 months. He never made me feel uncomfortable or anything inappropriate. I thought I should go for it and tell him how I feel, so I told him I like him, but would like to get to know him better, and if he doesn’t feel the same way then it’s OK. He asked to grab lunch. I live in NJ and he lives in Philly. Since I’m in grad school and finals were going on I said we can but asked if we could after my semester is over. He said “no worries” One week goes by, he doesn’t text, nothing. So I thought maybe he thinks I’m not serious so I text him asking and confirming that we can meet after the 19th when my semester is over. He seemed happy, asking me where I would take him etc. Now 2 weeks have gone by, no texts, nothing from him. He left me hanging. I’ve tried to talk twice before the text, but I don’t understand, where I went wrong. He just lost interest just like that. If he wasn’t interested in meeting up then why did he seem happy about it? Then ghost?

  22. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Thea, This is a time to trust your friends. This guy is not in love and hasn’t taken steps to meet you, so all that, “When we meet face-to-face” stuff is nonsense. He is not sincere so your friends are right. This guy even told you not to trust men on the internet – that includes HIM! If you are looking for love, you might not want to be so vulnerable or have sex by video. I also recommend looking for love locally if you are serious about finding a relationship.

  23. Thea

    Dear Ronnie,
    I met a guy online, he wanted to meet me in person but says he cannot travel because of his work. I have a really hard time trusting. We often have sex on video call. He sometimes give me advice – that I should be careful with guys on the internet. He told me if we meet face to face and once he falls in love with me, we would be in a relationship, but I told my friends about it but they told me that guy is actually lying to me. I am confused now whom I should trust. Should I trust my friends or him??

  24. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Honey – THANK YOU for your strong words of encouragement to MOVE ON! Leave men who do this in the dust and stop settling for the little tidbits they’ll share. You deserve the real thing ladies.

  25. Honey

    I was in a situation with a guy online. He’d never meet, had every excuse possible. Wouldn’t give me his cell number or add me on social media. But would quite happily use me to boost his ego. Eventually I confronted him, asked him what he was hiding (l suspect another woman) he was very defensive and nasty. Then ghosted me. Says it all! Girls, if you are in this situation you are wasting your time, you deserve more, ultimately we get treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated. Most of the men that do this are married or in a relationship and just using you, stringing you along for their own benefit. Be strong, block them and move on to better things, you deserve much more

  26. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Tamsyn, Yes, your instincts are right! As I say to all women asking about a long distance chatting relationship – why bother? Of course it’s absurd to book a flight last minute. Who wants to pay twice as much? Just his way out of showing up or admitting that he’s wasting your time. You may have a great chat buddy, but this will never be a real life romance. read this for more on long distance relationships.

  27. Tamsyn

    I recently started chatting with a guy I met online who lives hours away in another city. The connection was electric and we spent days talking about every topic under the sun. He promised to book a flight to visit, but as the arrival approached I got concerned as he had not booked a flight or hotel. When I plucked up the courage to confront him, he got defensive and said I was irrational for asking. Apparently he’s always like that when traveling, booking a day or two in advance. I find that hard to believe. With an argument over the matter, all plans have been cancelled. Was I wrong to question his motives and mistrust him? I feel like I am being gas lighted and that he is using my confrontation as an excuse to make this my fault and not his. Are my instincts right? I am starting to doubt myself.

  28. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Dj – I agree – he probably does not look like his photos. But he is not your boyfriend if you don’t spend time together in person. No dates = NOT dating. This is a virtual relationship – much like fantasy and a lot of men who do this are married and hiding by talking long distance. Why not get yourself a real boyfriend and stop wasting time texting?

  29. Dj

    Hi I have a boyfriend we met in online we are in 3 months now but we never had a video call since then. We used text/chat as communication. I always ask him to have video call on weekends but never succeeded what does it mean? My instinct tells me that what he sent me pictures was not him. He always says I love you and I miss you but never in action I mean like no surprise call. I don’t know can you just give me advice. I’m confused if it’s worth it or wasting my time.

  30. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lucy, There’s no point in having these long distance texting relationships. Like you said – it’s not real. Look for love locally if you want to find a real relationship. These LDRs things don’t work out.

  31. Lucy

    When I met a man online, i already had plans to spend the summer in his country. I was near him for 3 months and he never asked to see me although he always asked where i was, what i was doing etc. He was on fb and liked every single picture or post. I don’t think he has a gf – it doesn’t seem like on fb. He gave excuses for not meeting – he wanted to talk more, his job schedule, I was far from his part of town, etc. I know he is worried about getting bald. Only with hats or older pictures when he was younger. I thought he was worried about that.

    I returned to my country and he asked me for a picture. I finally told him I don’t want this fake internet thing anymore. I deleted him from my fb and messenger. It felt so real talking to him, but it was all fake I guess. We talked for about 10 months total. I’m so hurt and I feel so stupid. 🙁

  32. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maya, I recommend reading this blog post again. You haven’t even been on a date and you are chasing him by initiating contact. If he wanted to see you, he would ask. So, what’s the confusing part? Move on to find a man who wants to go on dates and spend time with you.

  33. Maya

    I met this guy when I was working and he took my number. We started texting and it’s been 6 weeks. We have had like 3 phone calls but I have always initiated them. I always make hints at meeting up but he either changes topic or just ignores it, so I gave up on asking. It’s inusual because I’ve seen him before but he hasn’t spoken about meeting up… I’m confused, I don’t know what to do now.

  34. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Aliz, Trust your instincts! Cancelling twice in one does make it seem he is not serious about you and has no intention for dating you or no time for love. Either way, that makes him the wrong man for you. Just move on. There are more men out there to meet 🙂

  35. Aliz

    I met this guy in my office…we share the same building. He quit the month before I did. We have been talking for a month now almost daily on phone and had plans to meet up but were cancelled due to my time or his time. But it’s been twice in one week he cancelled the meeting due to his schedule. Last Friday I told him to get free time and then make a plan and until then not to talk to me. He drop texted saying he is sorry. We both stay and work in the same city away from our own families. I thought maybe due to financial crunch he might be hesitant to meet up as he was off work for a month but, I think he is misleading me.

  36. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Daisy, Anyone who won’t answer a question is not trust worthy. Simple as that. If you can’t meet a man in 7-10 days move on to meet others. Forget those long distance men and stick to local guys.

  37. Daisy

    I met this guy on the internet and he claims that he really likes me and that he always thinks about me. But I’ve got severe trust issues because of my past.. I don’t know if I should trust him or not, he also avoids answering the question: ‘how old are you,’ is that something I should worry about? I live in West Europe and he in Canada.. I don’t know what I should do. Hopefully I get a response soon.

  38. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sabrina, I’m going to say this as kindly as possible, but you do not have him to lose. He lives in another country and you have never met him. You THINK you know everything about him but you know what he WANTS you to know. You have a virtual relationship and that is NOT true love. His visa issues are just excuses and down deep I bet you realize this or you wouldn’t have written to me. I bet you read a bunch of articles about this problem. It’s time to let go and look for a local guy – someone who lives in your country. For goodness sakes you are in school where you will never meet more men in your life! Stop wasting time on this illusion of a boyfriend now and please move on. There is absolutely NO HOPE to meet this guy.

  39. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Dear Sad, I’m so sorry you got caught up in this lie with this guy. Patient – how ridiculous – you’ve been FAR TOO patient! Of course you’re sad. A guy who can’t meet you for any reason is a guy not worth meeting. I tell my clients a man has 7 days to set a date, after that MOVE ON! Now you are 8 months in and have to hear from me that he’s scamming you. My bet is he has a woman in his life right now so can’t meet you – that would be “cheating.” But he’s cheating anyway – just emotionally. Dump him, block him and don’t bother saying why because he won’t want to let you go. You are feeding his ego and he repays that by stringing you along. Look for a guy locally if you want a real relationship. This virtual stuff does NOT work out.

  40. Sabrina

    I have been talking to a guy since last July. At first I was not ready for a relationship since. He lives in a neighbouring country, but we shared very common things like our study. I know everything about him. He asked me for video call after 1 month of texting, then I agreed and we’ve done it almost everyday. I can see his love for me and I love him so much but I want to meet him…but these visa issues. He is doing his final exams now and he never denied to meet me. He seems more eager than me. I just don’t want to loose him.

  41. Sad

    Started an online connection 8 months ago from a video game. We talk on the phone, text and face chat. We send one another gifts in the mail. He cannot give me a date we can meet, but wants to meet one day soon and knows he loves me. I know we are in a fantasy because he is only a two hour drive from me. I’m ending it today. I enjoy our friendship, the idea of him and knowing that I could have a relationship with him BUT he isn’t in a hurry, “Baby, we are in the getting to know you phase.” After 8 months, what more do you need to know? lol. I was patient…

  42. Lee

    Thank you for this post. It really helps to know I’m not alone. I experienced a text-only thing with a guy and I couldn’t, for the life of me, understand what was going on. I’d never experience that before. Had to read many articles like this one to get it. I thought because of the guy’s job, status, etc, he was better than wanting a text-only thing? Silly I know. I hope I meet a man who is serious about me soon.

  43. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Linda, Maybe the next day is too soon for you but don’t wait longer than a week. Ultimately you need to meet in person to know if you click. You’ll never know that via phone, text or email Meet in a public place like Starbucks or a bookstore with a coffee shop. If you’re afraid, tell someone where you are and that you will contact them when you are done. And don’t stress to men how you need to be friends first. That’s a turn off for many nice guys who know women say that as a kind way to reject them.

  44. Linda Campel

    Dumb question,,are there slow starters in the dating world?I can’t stress enough…we need to start as friends First …Actually I feel that way..a guy wanted to meet me the second day online..I felt is was too soon..comments?I don’t want to rush because of the jerks I met…

  45. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Savithri, Please know I have compassion for you, but this is the very definition of INFATUATION. You do not know this man for real – he is a fantasy in your mind – you don’t even know what he looks like. Allowing yourself to become so emotionally attached to a man you do not know in a different country shows you the vulnerable state you are in. I cannot tell you how to convince him because he will most likely NEVER SEE YOU. He might be married and just playing with your head. He insulted you and told you that you are not outspoken and now you want to please him any way. This is just his way to push you away and tease you in a mean way at the same time. He is not a KIND man. I encourage you to see the truth in this and stop communicating.Then look for love locally – Long distance usually does NOT work out but it will waste your time and break your heart. Read this post to learn more.

  46. Savithri

    Hi Ronnie,
    I have been talking to a guy for a month over phone. He has seen my picture but did not share his picture. When I requested a photo, he said only after we are comfortable with each other he may share his picture. But after many conversations he said I am not outspoken and we are not compatible with each other. Our conversation stopped on that day.I am very much in love with him that it will be hard for me to forget him though I have not met him nor seen his picture until date. I am emotionally attached to him, am 30+ and this is definitely not infatuation. We live in different countries. He just called a few days before and told me that he is visiting my place. He expects that I should convince him to make him meet each other. Please share how I should convince him? He still says that I am not outspoken.

  47. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Wendy, I know it’s not easy to hear this, but it’s time to wake up and see the truth. He’s not your boyfriend – he’s your fantasy. You don’t have a true relationship. Regular texting or talking on the phone is not love or a relationship. If you don’t meet a man in 7 -10 days, you probably won’t. It’s been longer than that! Instead of seeing him for who he is – a man who is stringing you along and giving you a few crumbs of attention with a bit of texting, you blame yourself! The only thing you did wrong is let this guy waste your time, get into your heart and think that his texting sweet words or staying in touch had meaning. Sad to say it DOESN’T. There’s nothing to try again. Get real with yourself and admit he’s not the man for you or he would have spent time with you and PLEASE move on ASAP.

  48. wendy

    I met a guy online and we’ve been chatting for three months. He asked for my number and suggested a meeting after a few days. I said I would love to, but that weekend I was busy. We continued to talk every day, all the time. He was friendly and polite and never talked sex. Time went by and he never mentioned date again. I suggested to meet, but he said he has to work and the second time we arranged a date but on the date day, he got hurt on the job. I was disappointed so stopped texting. He continued to write me. Than I just got a bit upset and told him we are nowhere and that it’s obvious he doesn’t want to meet me, so it is better to stop here. He never answered. I know that if a man wants you, you will know, but he was so normal and kind and sweet.. I feel like it was my fault to rush things. Should I try again or leave it?

  49. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Gio, What he wants is to waste your time doing exactly what he’s doing now – texting but not spending time with you. If he wanted to be with you he would be. Excuses show a lack of desire on a man’s part or his inability to move into committed relationship. By the way, “future-talk” is one of the most frequent game-playing flimflams guys use to string a woman along.

  50. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Confused – Yes end it right now! If you don’t meet a guy in 7 days (10 at the most) you most likely never will. Now you’re getting attached to the fantasy of this guy with 6 months invested. Promise me (and yourself) that you’ll NEVER AGAIN text like this with a man you haven’t met. I hate to see you waste your time and get heart broken.

  51. Confused and lonely!!

    I’ve been regularly texting this guy I met online 6 months ago. We both go to college 1 hour away but he is always too busy to make the drive and meet me since I don’t have a car. We have Skyped and called a few times, but text every day. I find myself liking him more and more every day, but I’m tired of him planning to meet me and canceling the day before. I talked to him once about this and he rearrused me we will meet very soon…. Should I end it?

  52. Gio

    Hello, I ve been chatting with a guy I met through a friend at a party but he lives in another country. We have been chatting for almost 2 years. We talk everyday and before we sleep. He doesn’t have a girlfriend. He has a couple of one night stands those 2 years, but nothing serious. I was with a guy for a long time at the same time but I broke up. I want to meet him but he always makes excuses. I have asked him several times to go a trip together or come visit me and he always finds excuses. He keeps texting and video chat. I can’t understand what he wants. I feel I am in love with him since the day I met him. He always talks about us in the future that future never comes.

  53. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sokd, I don’t know what his problem is but, he DOES HAVE ONE. No man takes things that slowly if seriously interested. Don’t be fooled! Perhaps he has a girlfriend and can’t be seen with you outside the office. That makes the most sense to me. Or he’s just not capable of a full relationship. My advice is to just flat out tell him. Be very nice and say something like, “You seem like a great guy, but I want to let you know the right man for me takes me on dates and sees me on the weekends.” Then don’t say another word. You might smile and walk away and leave him to think about it. And if no date happens in 7 days MOVE ON. Don’t let this man waste your time with his inept nonsense or possible cheating ways.

  54. Sokd

    I’m 27 and met a man at work who is totally into me. We are the same age, he has no kids or wife. He ended a long relationship when we met 10 months ago. Texts morning and night but is STILL nervous when we talk in person. But he won’t meet me outside work like he’s afraid of something. We hug but I feel his nervousness still – it’s ridiculous. I told him to leave me alone a month ago since he could not give me what I want but he came back a couple weeks later saying he was upset and hurt. So we are talking again and he tells others he has feelings for me. So what’s his deal? Is he just taking things slow because he’s not ready? He asked me to have lunch with him at work the other day but I didn’t go because I ate already and it’d be too obvious in front of coworkers. I’m getting frustrated because I want to see him outside of work where I would be comfortable.

  55. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kara, As mentioned in the post where you left this question, men text for many reasons. Ego, lonely, bored, casual dating, etc. Why he doesn’t text you is not what is important. What IS important is that he’s not that into you as demonstrated by his lack of contact and only asking you out 3 times in 2 months. It’s your job to recognize he’s not into you or not into having a relationship and to move on. You’ll never know exactly why and honestly trying to figure that out is just a waste of your time. Instead, focus on what you want – a man who wants to text AND SEE YOU ON DATES> So go meet more guys until you find one who wants the same thing you want.

    Dating is a sorting process. If a guy doesn’t live up to your expectations (and your expectations are realistic like weekly dates to start and ramping up to more frequent dates maybe 2-3 times per week). Any man who doesn’t do this is letting you know HE’S THE WRONG MAN FOR YOU. You can’t change who a man is but you can move on. Once you catch on to this dating strategy you’ll be less frustrated and start dating better men! I suggest you read this post about when to stop texting.

  56. Kara

    I have been texting with this guy for 2 months now, we text everyday but have only seen each other 3 times. I don’t understand why he want to text everyday and not meet in person! I have been gosthing him the last 3 days, Im just mad he doesn’t step it up and make an effort to meet.

  57. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    So Tammy – what are you waiting for? MOVE ON and stop wasting time on this guy. If you want to find love, he’s not the one. No more than 7 days of texting and if you don’t meet, stop communicating.

  58. Tammy

    Talking to someone for 10 months. Wouldn’t meet when I asked after 4-5 months. He promised and gave a specific month, then when the time came, he gave excuses. Can tell he has a mental disability. I’m absolutely wasting time. He just does this with other women too.

  59. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lily,
    He told you he’s not ready – that’s the answer. The best thing you can do is move on because he’s clearly not ready to date. When a man tells you something to push you away like “I’m not ready” or “I don’t want anything serious” he’s always telling the truth.

  60. Lily

    Hi Ronni,
    I’ve been texting a guy for over a month now. He is my senior in college. We’ve met ( not a “proper date”), once or twice in college (he called me up to meet). He is a little introverted and shy. He confessed that he likes me but he isn’t ready for a relationship yet. But he expressed that he wants to go out on a date with me. We planned to meet many times but it never worked out. When I asked him directly about the date he told me that he wants to meet me but not so soon. He said, I’ll definitely take you out on a date, but give me some time. I feel that he really likes me but is afraid of commitment. Or is he simply fooling around with me? Should I wait and give it some time? Or should I stop texting him? I’m so confused! What should I do?

  61. Cathy

    Same here! I met this med student on a dating site and we’ve been chatting for 3 months through snapchat, instagram, facebook, and text. We have so much in common and he’s really nice. I know he’s busy with med school, so I was okay with it. He asked me a few times what my plans for the weekend. He had activities in mind and got me really excited. Should I stop communicating with him? Or give it another chance? I don’t want to be super attached because it will break my heart if this goes nowhere.

  62. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Sorry to say this Nn, but he’s probably lying to you. Combine the excuse of this father’s accident with him not showing up or answering the phone of the second appointment and that points to him avoiding you. He’s probably not who he says he is. Unfortunately just because he’s on a matrimonial site doesn’t mean he really wants to get married. Don’t wait for him -he’s not coming to meet you.

  63. Nn

    Hi Ronni,
    Me and the boy met on matrimonial site … When we were about to meet with his parents his father met with an accident after all this we again planed to meet with his mother after 2 mths. But he did ‘t came I was waiting for him at the place decided by him and time too but he and his mother didn’t came … His phone was going switched off and his father’s phone was going out of reach….. Everything was going good till the morning…. We were about to meet for the first time and this happened…. Should I wait for him or he is a wrong person…. Please suggest…..

  64. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi TT09, People (male and female) keep their distance for a reason. She might prefer the fantasy of a relationship. Or she might not be emotionally available. Or she might be in a relationship already. People who are serious about a relationship don’t avoid you. They want to meet and spend time with you. Talking for hours is easy. Seeing you face-to-face is when things get real. Her inconsistency tells you something very important – she’s not ready or not being real as you think. You cannot get to know the real person over the phone and via texting. This post about inconsistency in dating will give you more insights.I also recommend staying away from the drama and find someone who is ready to met you.

  65. TTO9

    Hi Ronnie,
    A woman contacted me online in July (I’m female also), and we’ve had incredible conversations. She revealed that her last relationship was short but intense with a woman who was emotional and controlling. For the first month, every single I brought up meeting, she would disappear, not text for days (the longest being 9 days). We had shared some pretty graphic and intimate fantasies about each other, and a month in, she said she felt things got really intense & we hadn’t even met yet. She said she nervous. I gave her some space. We talked again a week later, agreeing to stop sexting (very minimal), and continue to get to know each other before meeting. But, I’m getting anxious about meeting her. I understand that she’s shy and reserved, but she confuses me. She seems to be surrounded by “drama” with friends/family, and she doesn’t talk about it, she disappears. I don’t know what “this” thing between us is to her, though she has said she wants to see where this goes and wants to make sure we have a real connection, yet her actions often prove the opposite. I have no doubt she’s who she says she is…she’s a professional with a substantial web presence. But, she’s so busy and aloof at times. Other times, we’ll talk about deep things for 4 hours. I’m just not sure if I fit into her life.

  66. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Wanderwoman,
    Your question was a good one so I answered it on the blog. But I forgot to address the part about closure. Closure is extremely rare – most men will not supply closure because they don’t like confrontation. But think about it this way – since he’s unresponsive – that TELLS you everything you need to know. He’s not interested and that’s all the closure you need. Looking at it this way it becomes perfectly clear – his intentions are not long-term. Why continue to contact a man who doesn’t respond? His lack of contact let’s you know it’s time to move on. There’s your closure.

  67. wanderwoman

    hi ronnie.

    i am chatting with a guy and we already met. he flew all the way from Canada to Lisbon and he sponsored my ticket too. One thing i notice though after we met the interest that he has shown initially is not the same level anymore. he shows less interest and I was giving an excuse that he might be busy with work. I know myself and I like him but I can’t understand how he let the day passes without messaging me. Am I just being paranoid or I just don’t really understand men in general? I feel that if I matter, he could have extracted a little bit of time for me. All I need to hear from him is a closure for this because somewhere I feel I need that. But what if he is just really busy and messaging him will blow this away…i don’t know….

  68. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jennie, First when a man says “Let’s take things slowly,” that means he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s setting you up not to expect too much. Second, since you brought up getting together and he avoided the subject – that’s another huge sign he’s NOT interested. So yes, are you being played. So many women entertain the romantic idea of long distance relationships that are out of the country, not just a few hours drive . I’ll tell you what I tell them all – this is a fun fantasy. Please, look for a local man you can go on a simple date with to make your life easier. You had fun with this man at the conference so let it be a nice memory, block him and move on to find a man who wants a relationship and is available to see you at least weekly. Wishing you love!

  69. Jennie

    Hi Ronnie,
    So I met this super quiet-shy guy in a conference for 3 days and he showed he’s interested by smiling a lot, helping me and approaching me while there’s only the two of us. He didn’t even approached any guys to make friends so I guess he’s into me. I initiated first text and he replied well. We had good conversation and sometimes he texted me first as well. I dislike texting so much but there’s no other ways to stay in touch as we are not living in the same country and you know, different time zones makes things hard. When I asked to meet up, he responded but didn’t want to suggest any plans and even avoided the topic. I know that he is so quiet in a person and doesn’t have any experience with women but I don’t want to be fooled in a relationship without physical presence. He once told me to take it slowly. Do you have any advice to me? Am i in a wicked game or just overthinking?

  70. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi FP, So many women get stuck in these long-distance relationships that consumer them emotionally with men they never meet so you are not alone in this. But what I want to help you understand is bigger than patching up an argument. If he could fly to Japan from Portugal he could fly to see you. His not doing that let’s you know right away he was not serious. I hope you will not bother with these long-distance men who want a virtual but not a real relationship again. Please do not waste your time. Date local men if you want a real in-person relationship.

  71. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lulu,
    Sorry this is happening to you. Here’s what’s really going on – a man who just wants sex won’t answer you honestly. Of course he wants sex. He was only nice to get you on the phone and then went right to sex hoping you’d play along. This is a great way to cheat without really cheating. He doesn’t want to meet you – then he’d be cheating! Once a man asks about sex but doesn’t want to meet, don’t hang in there hoping things will change. He showed you he was a scoundrel but you kept after him hoping he’d be the nice guy of his texts. I hope you won’t go through this again. If a man won’t meet you within 7-10 days, stop texting or talking on the phone and move on.

  72. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Linda,
    I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but he’s totally stringing you along. Stop communicating with this man who is wasting your time and playing with your emotions. It’s been FAR TOO LONG and you will never meet him. There are better men so meet more and don’t text or call for longer than 2 weeks and please meet someone local. The long distance guys are the worst for leading you on.

  73. linda g

    Hi I have been chatting to a guy just before last xmas he seems keen and liked my pics ,but always back off when meeting , we are both 60 ,he talks about sex and the lack of it and said he wanted a meaningful relationship we finally arranged to meet ,he seem to be very keen, then cancelled.

  74. FilipinaPrincess

    Hi Ronnie. I met this guy from a dating site. He is from Portugal. I am from Philippines. We started to communicate via Whatsapp. We are exchanging photos and videos of us but he does not want to videocall because he said that English is not his native language. He is not too fluent. Which I understand. It came to the point that we are like boyfriend/girlfriend. We communicate 24/7. I asked him if he could come see me here at Philippines. He said he wants too and maybe next year. He has a 10-day vacation to Japan next month with a guy friend claims it’s not booked yet. I’m wondering if he is really interested, why shouldn’t he come here instead? We continued 4 more months. I even asked him what we are and he usually says we aren’t a couple yet but someday we will be. I almost had given up and it’s hard to invest time and emotion to that. But he always says he doesn’t want to lose me. Until we had a little argument. I was really hurt and told him. He said sorry . I did not gave a reply back. I thought he would message me the next day but he never did. He does not care. That made me realize no matter how sweet and romantic his words were, he was not serious about me. Because if he was, he would patch up things. Another lesson learned. 🙂

  75. Lulu

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve been talking to this guy I met on a dating site. He approached me & we had great chemistry so I suggested exchanging phone numbers. He agreed and texted me everyday for 2 weeks. He was never disrespectful or talked about sex. But, our 1st phone conversation I asked him what we have going on & he said he didn’t know. He asked if I like him & do I want to touch him. Then I asked is this all about sex & he said no. Then he sent me private parts pics. He texted me the sweetest things, but during phone calls he would imply he was getting a headache or frustrated when I would ask to meet. After our last phone conversation he didn’t text me the next day. I messaged him later and called – no response. I text that he doesn’t seem to want to be bothered so I will leave him alone. Then he responded right away saying he was busy. I didn’t respond & erased his number. I assume he has lost interest since I keep asking to meet.

  76. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi, Honestly I want you to know he’s not coming to visit. These long distance romances over the phone or texting are pure fantasy 99.999% of the time. There’s always some excuse why he can’t come to visit. (Women do this to men too) Please look for love in Thailand – it’s so much easier to go local so you can build a relationship naturally with dates in person over time. Mr. Germany will break your heart if you let this continue.

  77. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Theresa,
    I’m not worried about the guy in the picture and for all we know that is your scammer’s photo. Obsessing on that could be misplaced energy for your romantic angst. Luckily you had the instinct to research him but then, you wanted to meet him anyway! Let’s talk about what you can do to AVOID future scammers. This is the PERFECT EXAMPLE of why I advise women NOT TO MESSAGE for weeks before meeting – you risk getting attached!

    With future men, meet within 7 days or stop texting etc. so you don’t get all dreamy in your mind about who a man really is. Any man who can’t meet you within that time is putting off the meeting. His schedule is too busy to date, he’s dating too many women or he doesn’t want to meet anyone. Occasionally someone has a vacation or business trip – but often this is an excuse. When things don’t add up and you see red flags – GET OUT and BLOCK THE GUY! It’s time for you to smarten up a bit about modern dating – did you download my free book?

  78. Theresa

    Hello Ronnie! I wish I read this article sooner! I met a guy on a dating site and we emailed, texted, then went to viber. I wasn’t ready to meet and prefer getting to know someone thru messaging since I’m new to dating (was married 22yrs). I had no idea about the scammers. But I never felt a connection like this – it was like a major magnet. There were red flags so I did the research. Name came up nothing, no FB profile, no reverse image match. After a month I said I have to meet you. He was all for it and we set a date. He lives near my son so I went to him. We set a date. We talked on the phone on my way there! Then 3 minutes before I arrived, I got a message from his friend saying there was an accident. Long story short we never met. He still texts saying he’s hurt and needs money etc. I was beyond devastated and I told him off. Here’s my issue. Obviously he’s an imposter, so who is the guy in the picture? He needs to know his identity is in jeopardy. I’m crazy for obsessing I know but it doesn’t hurt too ask. Thank you!

  79. XxS

    I met this guy from a dating site 2 months ago. We facetime everyday since then. He’s 60 from the germany im 50 from thailand. He told me he’d visit July(this month) but had hypertension issues 2 weeks ago. He seems well now but doesnt mention about the visit anymore. I didnt ask him about it either and just waiting for him to tell me if he’s still coming to visit or not. What should i do?

  80. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey K,
    Leaving a question on this post makes me think you READ the post. So you already know texting a man for 3 months is a waste of time. He is not an amazing guy – he’s an amazing time-waster and bull sh*tter. Being busy is nothing but an excuse not to see you. A man who is genuinely interested FINDS A WAY! When you were within 30-minutes of him, he didn’t want to meet you. You can to face the truth – he DOESN’T WANT TO MEET YOU. I know that stinks but that is what his behavior shows you.

    I want you to guard your heart and smarten up about men so you can see through this stuff. Nice texts are MEANINGLESS with out seeing you on weekly dates. In the future – don’t text a guy for months. After 7 days, and no date, ask if a man wants to meet. If he doesn’t respond or makes excuses, STOP TEXTING HIM. When you value yourself as a woman, you won’t hang on for months or even weeks for men who never get behind their words and take action. At the start of getting to know a new man, LIVE DATES are the only thing that count

  81. K

    I meet this guy on a dating app 7 months ago who lives almost two hours away from me. At first all we did was text constantly for three months,never spoke on the phone. We have so much in common it’s almost like talking with someone I’ve know for years. I’ve never been able to really be myself when talking with a guy before until him. Flashforward three months and I went to visit a friend who lives thirty minutes from him. He makes an excuse that he’s with his friends and then I called him out on it and stopped texting and snapping him. He apologized and said I had every right to feel as if I was wasting my time and said he’d come see me.never did. After that we’ve just been snap chatting and just last month I said that it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna go anywhere even though I really want it to and he said that he wants it to but I’m going off to grad school in a year and he’s has a lot going on with work and his school that he doesn’t know what to do and tells me that he wishes I was closer to him because things would be different. He doesn’t like the distance. For me an hour and forty minutes doesn’t seem that bad…Help am I just wasting my time? I feel like I should stop talking to him, but he just genuinely seems like an amazing guy

  82. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Alright Ella! Good for you for smartening up and setting up boundaries! You deserve better for sure.

  83. Ella

    Amazing how many women go through this, although perhaps not for as long as me! 2 years. Yes, 2 years. But in saying that, I was looking for friendship more than a relationship as I am a bit of a committment-phobe myself. Turned out the stranger who contacted me online ran in similar circles, so I thought he would be upfront and genuine given some of his friends are my friends. We live a few hours apart, and arranged to meet. He backed out. That was a giant red flag which I saw, but for some reason I thought that’s ok, we are just pals anyway. Well I fell for this muppet and he’s given me nothing but the run around. I have tried to escape his texting clutches many times but I miss the conversation (I am lonely after all). I finally decided last week enough was enough, too bad if we know the same people I’m over it. Even friends SEE each other and hang out. He is still messaging, asking why I won’t talk to him any more. I haven’t responded. I don’t feel bad about it anymore. He may get upset and start to badmouth me to our mutual friends but I really do not care anymore. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

  84. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Congratulations Steph! That’s what it looks like when a woman values herself. You rock. The better your boundaries, the less B.S. and the better quality men you’ll attract.

  85. Steph

    Dear Ronnie,

    Needed to read this for sure as I have been dealing with a very similar situation for the past 2 months. I’ve since blocked his # and refuse to allow someone “act” like they care when in all actuality they are just stringing me along, after 3 stand ups.

    –moving on

  86. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Just a Girl,
    I’d bet my last dollar he’s married – that’s why you’ll never meet and you have a long distance virtual texting relationship. He can’t give more than that. And now about you- you cannot let yourself fall in love with a texting fantasy. You’ve never met him or seen his picture! He could be unattractive or nothing like he claims. It’s time for you to stop texting and start meeting men. Don’t waste time texting men all day. Text a few times over a few days then talk on the phone and try to meet. Otherwise move on. It’s time to value yourself more and realize you deserve the real thing! Please read this post about texting

  87. Just a Girl

    I recently met a guy online, we clicked immediately and so, we’ve been texting each other for a week now. Recently, I stopped replying to him because I end up not doing any work all day. Overall, I like his personality but since I’ve never met him before and as we’ve been conversing for only a week, I don’t know if I should trust him. He keeps asking for my pictures- first my face and after that my full body (with clothes on) because he said he wanted to see my height. He barely sent me any pictures of himself (just 3) because he said he looked ugly in them (which wouldn’t have mattered to me anyway). When I told him that I wanted us to meet someday, he said there was no chance of us ever meeting (maybe because of financial problems)? I dont know his real reason. He’s never had a girlfriend before and he insists on maintaining a long distance relationship with me. I also hate the fact that I’ve become emotionally attached to him. I feel so bad and lonely for not replying to him anymore.

  88. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jackie, I don’t understand his recent antics of “what’s up” but I can tell you this is not a real relationship. It’s a virtual one with minimal effort on his part. I know this might be hard but if you don’t see a man for real dates, you are not in a real relationship. So you may be friends and support each other and possibly even have virtual sex, but I’m so sorry to tell you that is not a full-fledged, healthy relationship grounded in reality.

    So I guess the answer to your question is – yes it’s a game. Get out now while you can. You can confront him gently if you want, saying that if he wants to continue this, you need face-to-face dates. If he doesn’t accommodate that with in 2 weeks, then move on and stop letting him take up space in your heart and waste your time.

  89. Jackie

    Hello, I started talking to my ex-husbands ex-friend last year in October. We’ve never gotten together just texting. Our conversations are really good, interesting and even juicy sometimes. He likes to “who would have thought” that means him and I as phone buddies. He texts me everyday and all of a sudden last week he didn’t. Well, I texted him Tuesday night and said “hey”. He didn’t respond back until the next night. He said “Hey, wru up to”? I responded an hour later with ” Hey, nothing . You?”. He responded with not much 22 minutes later. Well, I didn’t respond. We had made plans to meet the weekend but, that didn’t happen. All of a sudden this dude texts me today with “WRU up to” I didn’t respond. He text me again after 3 hours saying “Hello”. Is he crazy? Is it a game? Tell me.

  90. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Valerie,
    Why are you bothering with this man? You can see he is playing you. The moment you start to not trust a man, move on. Who needs a liar? I urge you to not text guys long distance. It’s just a waste of your time. Look for local guys to date and meet them within 7-10 days of first communication. Otherwise they are probably just these texting guys who will waste your time if you let them.

  91. Valerie

    Hi. I met a guy online and we both live several States apart. However, we have never actually talked on the phone. Its only been by texting each other for three weeks now. When tell him to call it never happens. He made plans to meet me, it never happened. We’ve sent each others pics many. In some of his pics he looks a but different. He tells me all these sweet things through texting. He claims that he had to leave for in the UK and had to get another SIM card. Really! But when I looked up the second phone number it’s registered in the of NJ. What’s up with that. Thirdly, his name Iam not sure it’s real.

  92. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ashley,
    I don’t believe he’s hanging back because he’s shy. You are a sure thing since your friend is trying to fix you up. So this is some other kind of resistance – like maybe he loves that you keep after him. It’s fun to be wanted. So, the best thing you can do is stop pushing. Stop chasing. Stop texting. A man needs to want to meet you so don’t even try to convince him.

    Last but not least – never date a man because you can help him. When the man you date is a project, he’s never going to be the right man for you. What you want to help him get over will end up driving a wedge between you.

    Ashley – you deserve a guy who is already confident and a man who knows he wants to get to know you. This guy might be sweet, but he has nothing to offer if he can’t even find time to meet you. Dump your wishes for him and move on to find a man who is relationship ready. This guy is not the one.

  93. Ashley

    I started talking to this guy because he thought I was cute and a mutual friend was determined to set us up. It’s been almost a month and I have tried to meet him multiple times when he comes to hang out with his friends. I have cleared my schedule many times to adapt to his. Every time I ask him to hang out he says not yet because he wants to talk more. My friend told me he is insecure about his looks and doesn’t want to leave me with a bad first impression. I want to tell him that looks don’t matter to me and that its not like i haven’t seen his picture, but I’m not supposed to know he’s insecure. I really want to meet him because he is such a nice guy over text but I also know he can be kind of awkward when he is with a girl in person. I know that I can help him break that habit but I don’t know what to do.

  94. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cathy,
    Yes you made the right decision. Why spend any time with a man who tells you “This isn’t going anywhere”? When a man says that, always take him for his word and move on. That’s when he’s telling the truth for sure. Best way to avoid heartbreak and disappointment.

  95. Cathy

    I met this guy online but not on a dating site, actually it’s very coincidental and he lives very far away(long plane rides) He told me he likes me but he told me that we have to be realistic in our situation. We just met few days but told me immediately this ain’t going anywhere because we can’t see each other,(I think he has no plans to do so on the first place but I can’t tell we just met few days) he told me to just get along and remain chatting and go with the flow.We made video calls and I’m pretty convinced he’s not committed yet. But I decided to stop this immediately because I know it would hurt me so much in the long run though we enjoy each other.I explained it to him and he understood and agreed and he said we wasn’t expecting that this would come right away.Did I made a right decision?

  96. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Dear Enlightened, Good for you for doing the research and catching on! Now that you know some men waste your time and have no plans to meet you, you will never get caught up again like that. It’s very empowering. Wishing you love!

  97. Enlightened

    This has been so beautifully enlightening for me….to the point of complete humor. But only because I find it so intriguing that some men spend so much of their energy and time wasting other’s energy and time… I feel so lucky to have been targeted by one of these scoundrels, yet smart enough to go on a google search to determine why a seemingly perfect connection never progressed beyond email. Now I will use this new revelation to help other victims! The psychology of “wooing” is a real thing. No one – no matter how intelligent – is immune, up until you have learned the lesson!

  98. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi B,
    I bet your FBI training included how to spot a liar. He can’t see you because he’s in a relationship of some kind. His comment, “It’s not that easy” is a big give away. So he gives you excuses. Now this is the part that might be difficult for you. What should you do about a man who makes excuses about meeting you? STOP TALKING TO HIM. HE IS WASTING YOUR TIME.

    If you’ve not met him in 6 months, the truth is you are living a fantasy. And it’s becoming unfulfilling because you want more. So the best dating advice I can give you is to move on and look for a man who lives in your area. Many singles get stuck in these virtual relationships and develop strong feelings. But without real dates, there is nothing there. The sooner you admit this to yourself and let go, the faster you can find real love with a man who doesn’t make excuses about meeting you or spending time together.

  99. B

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’ve been talking to this guy for nearly 6 months. He lives in another country but I know he’s real because I’m basically fbi. He tells me he likes me, he tells me he’d love to meet me and be with me but he never comes (he lives only 2 hours away by plane).He makes up excuses as to why he can’t come like he has commitments or “it’s not that easy” but tells me he’ll come soon.

    I’ve confronted him about this various times and he still tells me he intends to meet me. I don’t know what to do. If it’s because of his body he’s showed me pictures and I’m definitely ok with it. I don’t think he has a girlfriend because I’ve talked to him nearly everyday including when he’s in bed. What should I do?

  100. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maira,

    I know you seem confused about this but if you step back and look at things objectively, you can clearly see this man has no interest in you. You are chasing him down. Why do you want a man who will only take your 11th call? You are not in a relationship with him except, and I’m sorry to say this, with in your own mind. Please stop contacting him. Then go out to meet other men and let them pursue you – that works much better.

  101. maira

    I am in a relation he still don’t have time to meet me… I have to call him 10 times then he receives my call 11th time… n only 1 min of conversation is possible n he disconnects my phone… when I go to his work place to meet him he sees n leaves from there… he never wait there and talk to me… what should I do??

  102. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Hedera,
    Yes dump him! If it’s only been a week, I would hardly call you “stuck with him”. I recommend no skyping or long phone calls until you meet. If he wants to wait, let him wait with someone else – this is nonsense as you suspect. He certainly is showing you that he’s not relationship material.

    Since you are out of a 15 year marriage, I recommend you learn about qualifying your dates. One of the best ways is not to focus on one man but keep all options open until one of them shows consistent interest (weekly dates and calls) over several weeks. And don’t stop meeting men until you agree to exclusivity with one man.

    You’ll discover you need more than a man’s interest to find a good match. Here is a new post about how to qualify the men you date so you are more likely to choose a guy who is relationship ready.

  103. HederaHelix

    Oh my. I think i.m in … i met a guy via datingsite/app. After checking to see if he.s real (he was the guy he said he was.photos matched with other profiles like fb etc. And his workplace info checked out.) I added him on skype. We chat. He is the guy on photo…so okay.
    But we’ve been over a week chatting now and nothing more. I told him on day 2 I was open for a meet for coffee. He wants to wait. Doesn’t even want to exchange phone numbers, just skype and videochat.
    Dump him? This is new. Got divorced last year after 15 years of marriage. My first steps in online dating land. And I did good to start off with deleting scammers by doing reverse image search and all only to be stuck with someone who is not willing to meet. He hints at it and tells me he really wants to but is afraid…. ? hmm..

  104. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Michelle,
    Sorry to tell you this. Chances are he is going to blow you off today. Otherwise he would have given you a time and place. I recommend you read this post about how to avoid vague dates and why men leave things vague. When a man is serous about getting to know you, he isn’t vague or hard to pin down.

  105. Michelle kelly

    I was supposed to meet this guy today messages him asking if we were meeting today. All I got was later ok . Since them nothing I’m confused

  106. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Angela,
    Don’t be too hard on yourself! No one said dating was easy. At least you caught on and my hope for you is that you won’t do this again. If a man can’t meet you within 7 days (10 at the most) stop communicating. I don’t care what the excuses is from death in the family to business travel and vacation. These men are showing you they are not truly interested or available which is why the reasons do not matter. Reading blogs like this help you smarten up about dating so good for you for being willing to learn. You might want to read my newest book Is He the One? which can help you tell if a guy is wasting your time in just three dates.

  107. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anya,
    Well at least you are catching on faster but this kind of man. Sadly women of all ages trade emotional support in the hopes of love. My bet is you don’t want to go through this a 3rd time right? So here’s what you do. Dump this guy and block him. Then in the future when you connect with men, if they don’t meet you within 7 days, stop communicating. You can suggest meeting to see if there is any chemistry before you stop communicating but any excuses to put off meeting are a signal of another time-wasting man. Follow this dating advice and you’ll stop getting into these unfortunate and disappointing situations for sure.

  108. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kriya, There is no point in texting, calling or sending photos if there are no dates. Since you didn’t mention getting together with him, I’m assuming you haven’t met him face-to-face. When a man pushes for personal details or nude photos, he’s not serious about you – he’s just getting his kicks. So he is probably playing with you and I advise you stop communicating with him.

  109. Angela

    I have been talking to guy I met online for about a month. We had an instant connection similar interests. We were talking in the chat room for 7 days then we exchanged email addresses and we’ve been communicating that way. I asked him to call me and give him my phone number he said that he has a Sprint phone and he lives in a remote area of Florida and doesn’t have very good reception. That should have been the first red flag I know. On day 10 of us communicating his father had a heart attack and he had to drive several hours to be with him his dad and he died two weeks later. We stayed in contact emailing about every 3 to 4 days he was very sweet and apologetic. Towards the end of the two weeks I noticed that his emails had become difficult to read because he said he had been taking some sleeping pills and alcohol because he was having trouble sleeping and was depressed. Now he tells me he’s going to Greece to stay with his uncle for a while and he doesn’t know when he’s getting back and if he will have access to Internet. I feel like I wasted a month of my time with this guy. I didn’t want to be rude and force him to call me when he was grieving his father. I feel like such a fool that we never even talked on the phone but I had created such a fantasy in my head about what could possibly be a real relationship.

  110. Kriya

    Hello Ronnie,
    I had never experienced dating app and so once (only a week before) I installed for experience, thinking if I found someone genuine then I might stick with him. Though, I have already uninstalled it but before that I did exchanged my number with a guy whom I found interesting and he was also making efforts. He was flirting a lot and I found his pace about knowing everything about me little fast. I answered him but i have also told him that I appreciate going little slow. He still flirts but yes I can see that he has kept my advice in his mind. Though, he thinks that I friendzoned him but i do like talking to him and I have told him this. He calls me always atleast once and I have started liking him.he sent his pictures and even did I (thrice) but now I have told him that no more of pictures and he comments that’you love me to not send one’ and I answered back that I Will not and he shouldn’t take me for granted. My question is that I am not understanding how to know what he actually wants and if really interested in me because I feel that I am falling for him. But i want to keep my emotions under control as I been into complicated relation earlier. He is not a local guy but he suggests that we should meet and I have accepted. Do you think I should take this forward and if he sounds interested or is just playing with me!?

  111. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Renee, If you have never met this man face to face in person, you really have no idea bout the chemistry. Why are you getting your heart all involved with a man who is so far away? Follow your instincts and let him go – then look for local guys. Most of the long distance guys who facebook or even on Match.com just want to text and waste your time.

  112. Renee

    ok i met this on fb he stay 13 hrs away text me everyday always sweet. Our chemistry is so strong we the same thing in common. He said that he will come see me dec but only thing is that he call only three time and we been chatting for i two months. Im starting to like him a lot but i just let it go becausr of long distance.

  113. Anya

    Hi Ronnie, thank you so much for making this topic. It’s only been less than 2 months that I got off a 6 months relationship full of lies and deceit. I can’t believe I let myself be treated this way.

    Now I’m chatting with someone on messenger who is at the same situation as me, less than 2 months since he split with his live-in partner. He was an emotional wreck when he first messaged me because of what happened to him, since there was a baby girl involved.

    To make it short, I feel this guy has only been feeding me fantasies and all just to keep me as his emotional support. Before, he was dying to meet me and I wasn’t ready. But now that I wanted to see him, he wouldn’t and makes excuses. He already cancelled on me twice because he’s hanging out with friends and or has a basketball game.

    Words are just words. If he really was interested in me, he would have already met with me since the first time I invited him. And to think he’s just 10 minutes away. Sigh! And he even wants me to stop dating other guys.
    I should just disappear right? I feel like a bunny and he’s been dangling that carrot in front of me which is far enough for me to reach. He’s all talk.

  114. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Michelle, I”ll make this really simple for you so you can figure this out next time on your own. If nothing is happening and you are not going on dates, then you stand no where with this man. Stop communicating and go find new men who will meet you within 7 days. Even that is a long time to text without meeting so don’t make exceptions unless someone is going on vacation. I encourage you to get my book Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by spotting Mr. Wrong which will radically simplify understanding men for you.

  115. michelle

    i hope you can help me, ive chatting to this guy for 5 wks now on line, i dont know where i stand with him, he says he likes me and wants to meet me. yet nothing happens, he doesnt call me and he takes ages to message me am i wasting my time

  116. Carmen

    You are right. But he couldnt even have the excuse of another woman because he literally was on the phone non stop even made me keep it on when sleeping so we could sleep together… even texted constant. I just cannot work it out


  117. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Carmen, Well I’m so glad you smartened up about this guy – he must be married to be hiding like that. But the answer is not to stay single. The answer is to get smarter about dating! You could learn so much from my book Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong. It’s only 43.99 – I made the price low so any woman could read it and catch on to the behaviors showing you a man is not relationship material. Instead of swearing off dating, vow to smarten up! Good men are out there – just don’t give more than 7 DAYS to a man to text etc without meeting him. No date? Move on. No 2nd date in a week? Move on there too. Then you wouldn’t waste time on men like this who have no intention of dating you or building a real relationship. You can do it!

  118. Carmen

    … I found it so hard reading these but at the same time so comforting. I have been in sheer turmoil over this guy I met online. 6 months I have given this ghost! I could not possibly tell you how long he has lead me on and cancelled on me with major excuses then flipping the blame on to me! I have been sitting waiting on him to show and he would go silent or give some excuse and then get angry at me for being upset? Yeh because that is how you act when you are the one letting someone down ! CRAZY… He would sent 3 gifts to my home in preparation to meet me to make the fantasy real probably. Had this really dramatic reason to why he had no family but aunties. No real friends were tagged on fb and when i contacted them no one knew him personally. The only thing i know is true is what he looks like. Snapchat and constant pics of his family with videos.

    Never facetimed and just beyond shady but enough truth to keep me.

    I have researched the word passive- aggresive and sociopath. Serious similarities. I just will be single forever. Too scary out there.

  119. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Khloe, Of course you should cut him off. The truth is you do not really know him. You CANNOT know a man you have never met. It’s pure fantasy which is exactly what he is up to – fantasy. He doesn’t want to meet you or he would have called and set up a date. This is called stringing you along. Chances are he’s married or in a relationship so he can’t meet you. Or it’s just an ego boost for an emotionally unavailable man. Time to move on. Don’t get sucked in again by this kind of nonsense. No date? No texting, snapchat, etc.

  120. Khloe

    I met this guy online a couple of weeks ago and we’ve been talking ever since. We added eachother on snapchat and snapchatted eachother so I know he’s real. The problem is all we do is text. I asked him why he doesn’t call me and he said, “soon”… which hasn’t happened yet and everytime I schedule for us to meet, it never works out because he flakes on me. I’m considering cutting him off because I feel like I’m wasting my time, but it’s weird because I really like him so I don’t know what to do.

  121. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Rose, Glad you caught on to his nonsense! In the future, don’t respect a man’s wishes to wait. Cut him off right then. He took 2 months of your life – I hope you never allow that to happen again. When a man plays games, that’s a sign he’s not the one. Don’t waste time on some guy who wants to “bump” into you. If he can’t arrange a real date within 7 days of texting at the most, move on. No excuses. Even if he’s going on vacation – he knows when he is coming back so don’t believe that nonsense.

  122. Rose

    It is good to know that we don’t owe these men any thing if we decide to cut them off. I was chatting with a nice man (or so i thought) for 2 months and apparently we live walking distance from each other. He would fantasize about bumping into me at a nearby coffee shop or bookstore. We had not traded photos because according to him, he wants to build anticipation. I had been upfront with him about how I want to meet up just casually. But he insisted on wanting to take his time and I respected that. He had expressed a few times about how much he wanted to meet some time. Twice, I had told him my exact location and he was stuck in a meeting. Finally, I told him where I am grabbing coffee, and told him what I am wearing. I sent the message that I was already there. It doesn’t take a genius to know if someone is spying on me. Turns out my online friend doesn’t look like who he said he was. I left the coffee shop at once. Later, he assured me that it was not him I saw at the coffee shop. He was stuck in a meeting. I told him, I am done chatting because I want a man who also wants me..in person..not hiding behind his laptop or phone. All I care about is that I put myself out there three times and he had the nerve to reject me on all occasions. So I’m moving on ladies!

  123. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Jyoti, Your instincts are good – you should leave. But there’s t he bigger truth about this – you are not really leaving anything. This relationship is mostly in your mind. It’s all about how you feel about him. But 2 dates in 8 months tells me you are having a virtual relationship not a real one. So you are not really leaving true love. He does not love you. In fact, he might be married or in a relationship which is why he doesn’t go on dates with you. The best thing is cut off communication and move on. I realize this is not easy, but that’s the only choice. Otherwise you will not find the honest, satisfying love you want with a man who will share his life with you.

  124. Jyoti

    Ma’am I love a guy I met online – its been 8 months. I met him when I needed someone the most. And now it’s like I love him and feel so attached. Although I met him twice in person, he says, “Let’s stay in touch by phone.” We haven’t been physical because he doesn’t want to since I’m already emotional. He is a nice guy but what to do? I know I should leave him but for me it’s not easy.

  125. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Thanks AC. Not sure about calling the cops but everything else can work.

  126. Ac

    This is absolutely right. Please cut him off because he is playing with you. Same thing happened to me – that’s why I am talking from experience. Just give him a peace of mind tell him if contacts you again you will contact the cops. Simple as that. It’s very hard I know but you have to do this for yourself live

  127. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cindy, Of course you feel scared about meeting a man at 11pm! That’s a booty call for sure. Dump him and stop texting. Keep in mind good texting means nothing without dates. Don’t get sucked in by that and think you are building to something because it’s not true. He could be texting 10 women. So you need to open up to MEET men in person. Just choose public places and early evening. Tell someone where you are going, meet him for 90-minutes tops and call when you are home safely again. You’ll be fine! Millions of women do this every day.

  128. cindy

    i met a guy online and we clicked instantly. i really like him and we get along fine. first two days was nonstop texting, then he wanted to talk on the phone but i couldnt. He always wants to meet up (first time) very late, like 11pm and i dont feel comfortable with that. should i tell him?? im scared to even meet up in the first place, ive never done this sort of thing, putting myself out there like that.

  129. Tia

    oh goodness, yeah hes wasting her time, and she is letting him. we can’t control or guess someone else’s intentions but we sure as hell can move on when they show us they are not serious

    as the late maya angelou said

    ” when people show you who they are, believe them”

    it just sucks there are so many of these peter pans out here , good luck ladies

  130. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maria,
    Seriously love? I don’t think so – you are in a fantasy world with this man. He has told you he fantasizes about you. There is nothing real. You have not met him.

    Love grows with time as you get to know someone face-to-face. Stop texting this man and meet some real men in person. Don’t text longer than 10 days without meeting. If a man can’t meet you, drop him and move on. If you seek a real relationship, this is the only way it will ever happen.

    Last but not least, hold off on falling in love until a man proves he is worthy. Look for consistent interest in phone calls and dates over at least 8 – 12 weeks. If you fall in love before this – you are more likely in hot chemistry and attraction vs. love. Take your time and do not get attached to a man until you know him for a while or you will always be heartbroken.

  131. Maria

    I only started exchanging mobile phone number and chatting with a guy 3 weeks ago. We exchanged pictures. Just that one picture of myself and himself. Within 1 week after chatting, he called me. And a week after that, he say “I Like you” and after few days he said “I love you, Do you?” Told me how he fantasize being with me eating dinner and so on. And even say will meet me soon.Well i feel insecure more and more. As i only see his 1 picture and so i request to have a video call. He said he don’t have time for that. And so i tell him about my insecurity as i think is a necessary for me to see him and talk to him by seeing his face. But he get all agitated and defensive. And said “I believe in you and that picture is enough. If you dont believe me then is ok, i guess we have to quit!” And i told him, if you love a girl and she is in insecurity about meeting further, the guy would try to make all possible way to reassured the girl he want. Easily he given up on you, means you are not that important to him. I told myself, if he is meant to be yours, he is definitely will find way to find you even have to cross fire just to get you. Am i right girls?

  132. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Good for you Madeya – don’t waste your time on a no-win situation like this. There are better men out there for sure.

  133. madeya

    I was thinking the same thing after I read this topic . I was thinking maybe he in a relationship or something but I will no longer waste my time on dead situation…

  134. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jane,

    I”m so sorry this has happened to you. What a heart-breaking and hard experience. While this is not always true, the vast majority (99.9%) of these long distance email/phone/texting relationships are with men who are not free to date. How perfect that you live so far away it requires a huge price tag to meet? He probably hoped that was enough to keep the fantasy alive without risk of having to meet.

    He might be married or not look anything like his picture but either way, he is clearly not an available man. In the future, I recommend you date look local men. While a local guy could stand you up too, at least it won’t cost a plane ticket.

    How did the idea of visiting come up? Did he suggest it or did you? My bet is, and I could be wrong, but you had a big hand in the idea of making the trip. Were you taking the lead and trying to get something going?

    This is the very reason why I recommend you let men lead at the beginning of dating. To see what the guy will do to win you over. Men like the idea of who to date to be theirs so let them make the moves including buying a plane ticket. If a man is serous about you, he’ll do what it takes to meet you and win you over. Don’t do his job for him.

    Please read this post on the ballroom dancing theory of dating which will help you see why it’s best not to chase men.

  135. Jane

    Excellent advice.
    I just spent $4000 and flew to the other side of the world for 12 days to meet a guy I’ve been talking to online for 1 year.
    He never picked me up at the airport, never spoke to me the whole time I was there and never met me.
    Everyday I would tell him where I was and what I was doing, I booked a hotel room in his neighborhood and gave him the room number, I even offered to come to his house and no response. I can see he read my messages the whole time.
    I feel like such a stupid idiot ?

  136. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Yeah when a man forgets who you are, that’s a sign he’s not really into you right? Don’t worry, just move on to find better candidates.

  137. TimMansfieldTx

    That’s me. Feel like I owe him a response and I’ve hinted that i’d like to meet but he just plays games. He forgot what I looked like and repeatedly asks for my pic. Fortunately he’s ugly and overweight and even if we would’ve met I wouldn’t have wanted to be more than friends.

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