Understanding Men: Why He Asks You Out But Leaves It Vague

Need help understanding men? If a guy makes plans, but doesn’t follow through or leaves it vague about a day, place and time, that’s not a REAL date.  Find out how to respond to a flaky guy.

understanding menWhat Is a Vague Date?

Let’s say you’ve been texting with a great guy all week and on Wednesday he said, “Let’s meet this weekend. We’ll talk about the details as we get closer to the weekend.” How exciting – you can’t wait to meet this guy! You are so looking forward to meeting him.

This could also happen after a first date or if met a guy out or at a party. It’s all the same thing if he asks you out but is vague about it.

Then suddenly, it’s Saturday and you don’t know anything about the date. Not sure how to respond to a flaky guy, you text asking if you’re still getting together. He texts back saying something came up or worse, doesn’t even respond.

It’s so aggravating when this happens! Now you’re facing Saturday night with nothing to do when you had been counting on a date with him! Why did he do that?

Keeping His Options Open

Some men like to hedge their bets to make sure they have a fun weekend. While chatting with you, he thinks seeing you would be fun, so he asks to meet Saturday. Having you on the hook is a big relief because if nothing better comes along, he can see you.

He continues fishing online, viewing profiles, and chatting with women. He connects with another woman who seems better. Maybe she’s cuter, shorter, taller, younger, older, thinner, curvier, etc.

Whatever his preferences or mood might be, he asks her out for Saturday night. This is a flaky guy who doesn’t know what he wants.

Now you can see why he didn’t make a firm plan with you. He was still looking for his best possible option.

Understanding Men – Talk Is Cheap


Don’t take to heart what men say for the first several dates. This is especially true BEFORE your first date. Talk is cheap and doesn’t mean anything. A man can say sweet things that draw you in to make you adore him.

Players know you want to feel like a man is into you, thinks you’re the one, or are pretty, so they say amazing things to you.  Enjoy the flattery, just don’t BELIEVE it.

Only time will tell if he means what he says and is serious about you. Hold off falling in love until you know who this guy really is.

He might mean every word he said. Or, he could be playing with your heart. Men don’t necessarily do these things to be mean. Some guys just don’t know what they want, so they act this way.

Follow Through Is Gold

On the other hand, follow through is GOLD. When a man says something and then does it, now you can start taking him more seriously. A man who sets the day and time for your date right away is showing a deeper level of interest in you.

When he follows through on promises and what he says, then he’s worth seeing again. This is one of the best ways for understanding men – following though what actually matters.

Dating Is a Sorting Process

guy makes plans but doesn't follow throughYou have to meet a lot of men and see them a few times to weed out the ones who talk a good game, but aren’t serious about you. It takes several dates to find out if a man is really interested.

Paying attention to what he DOES to win you over is the only thing that matters.

Any man can say nice words and make empty promises. You are looking for a man with integrity who does what he says. The right man for you wants a relationship and wants it with YOU.

Keep Your Options Open

Next time a man asks to see you “sometime over the weekend” but isn’t specific, don’t bother saving the date for him. You can say yes, then keep connecting with other men.

As time draws near, you may be tempted to check in with him and ask if you’re still on. I don’t recommend it. If he’s really interested, he should close the deal on date details to make sure you are “off the market” for the weekend.

It’s not the end of the world if you do check in, but if he takes his time responding, forget about him.

How to Respond to a Flaky Guy

My dating advice for women is to not get excited about a vague date. If there’s no date and time, then it’s NOT a real date. Until the details are firm, you are still available to meet or see other men.

So you want to know how to respond to a flaky guy? There’s no reason to respond!  Many women wonder if he’s  shy or insecure and want to help the guy out by making it easy and doing his follow up work. Don’t fall for that!

Even a shy man knows EXACTLY what he needs to do to go on a date with you Saturday night. He has to ask and set it up.

When a man seems flaky by not scheduling the date, he’s letting you know through his actions (or lack of them!) that he’s not really into you.

Let Men Pursue You

guy makes date by doesn't follow throughThat’s why the best thing you can do is let a man pursue you. This minimizes the risk of going out with a guy who is just filling time until he meets someone better.

If you accept a date with another man, because the first one didn’t follow up, just say, “Gee, I didn’t hear from you, so I made other plans. But I’m free Sunday afternoon” (or whenever you are free next.)

That lets him know you’re interested, and he’s still got a chance. That’s how to respond to a flaky man.

When a Guy Wants to Hang Out With You

It might make you feel good when a guy wants to hang out. Just be aware that “hanging out” is usually a casual thing. This is his excuse not to be buttoned up with date details because it’s just hanging out.

If this is the case, don’t be fooled. He’s not serious about you at all.

What Makes Understanding Men Easier?

Understanding men is so much easier when you take your emotional attachment out of the equation. When you take a step back and look at the vague date situation objectively, you will see that a man who does this could be:

  • Playing games
  • Not sure what he wants
  • Stringing you along hoping he finds a better woman
  • Liked you, but got distracted by others
  • Isn’t ready to date, just wants to see if women are interested

Don’t Bother with Flaky Guys

The point is, it doesn’t matter what he says or why he’s flaky, only what he does to be sure he can see you. It doesn’t matter if his texts are fun or sweet, he follows you on social media and likes your posts, or calls and talks for hours.

When he doesn’t set a date, time and place, it’s not a real date. See how simple that is? End of confusion, end of story.


For more on understanding men, get my Free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make that Keep You Single .

280 responses on “Understanding Men: Why He Asks You Out But Leaves It Vague

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cassandra, It’s great that a man is finally smiling at you after a year, but that doesn’t mean anything. Perhaps he had some issues that cleared up. It doesn’t mean he’s interested in you. When a man is interested, he talks to you, gets your number, and takes you on dates. If it took a year just for this man to smile, who needs him? If you want to find love, you need to take action. Learn to flirt and TALK to men. Get online and start dating.

  2. Cassandra

    Hi Ronnie,
    So me and this guy in my workplace often run into each other either on the stairs or the hallway, at first every time i saw him he would have this stern look on his face and would never say anything, me either. As time went on we would still see each other often but still nothing from him. on the other note now when he sees me he smiles most of the time and he held the door for me a few times and was nice. I’m stuck not sure if he’s just being nice or maybe it could be something else. I think he cute this has been going on for over a year we still see each other ??? confused

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Hanne, I know this is confusing. What you just experienced is how resistance works. Perhaps he felt challenged by your unwillingness to meet him, so it became like a game. “Can I get her to say yes? How long will it take?” He wanted to win by seeing you and now that he got the chance, where’s the fun? He may still see you – you never know. But if he disappears, you’ll know he was not the right man for you and never was. You couldn’t have been that into him any way resisting for so long. If you had said yes sooner, he probably would have pulled back sooner. Dating is a bit of a game and it can be confusing. This is why I suggest meeting lots of men because you never know who is serious and who will call again. Whatever you do – do not take this personally! I’m quite sure it’s not about you but instead his own problems with intimacy.

  4. Hanne

    Met this guy on a dating app, and he has been asking to meet up for 3 months and i always said i didn’t have time. Then I said Okay I’ll just do it and met him for lunch. We went to a museum and after that he kissed me two times. He asked me when he could see me again and I said maybe next week. He also texted me later that day saying he had a great time. Now he suddenly starts to snap me less and open my snaps without replying. I have done the same a few times but he always responded me. He worked so hard to get that date with me so why is he responding less after he finally got it?

  5. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cassandra, I think you’ve got it – he’s not genuinely interested. Maybe he’s just lonely and wants to message – who knows? You gave him more than enough chances – stop texting, block him and move on. My advice is not to say you just want to see where things go. That strategy isn’t good for a woman to make clear. I think it attracts guys like this. I’m not saying you need to be serious. If you want to be casual – that’s fine. Just remember, if you meet a casual man and you decide you want to be serious, he might not be open to shifting gears to serious. You can go meet men and have a drink with no expectations of them, just don’t say that. Instead, if a man asks what you are looking for, say I’m looking to meet new people – that would be a better approach. It sounds like you value yourself more. By the way, the Facebook dating app isn’t so hot for dating – I hear these “go nowhere” stories all the time. Better to try Bumble

  6. Cassandra

    Hi Ronnie, Facebook now has dating and i signed up. Started chatting with a guy for two weeks. He asked me what was I looking for and I said I’m just seeing where things go (which is true). He said he’s the same and wanting to have fun (possibly a jerk), so I replied that I’m not looking for hook ups. Can a girl just go out, meet new people, have drinks without anything getting complicated or sex being involved? he replied saying neither is he and continued to message me. He asked if I go to church and we have that in common. He wanted to meet up to get something to eat. I told him sure we were supposed to meet that Sunday around 8-8:30. We were chatting Saturday and had the time and date, but no location which I asked for. I never heard. Sunday at 8 I messaged asking are we still meeting? Never heard from him until Monday he said that he got into a wreck and gave me his number to text him. I’ve never chase men – I actually just move on. I agree with you that he’s just probably not really interested. Should I mentioned this or just leave it and don’t text him?

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Kelly, He might be concerned about you being older but what is far more likely is that he doesn’t want to date. Not just you – perhaps date any woman right now. Liking you is not really the issue. So he may have gotten ahead of himself asking you out thinking how great it would be. Then something came over him and he decided it wasn’t a good idea so he never followed through. I”m glad you caught on not to make excuses for him! Don’t make excuses for men! Let their actions and behavior be your guide so you are clear that a man who doesn’t follow through is just the wrong man and leave it be. You’ll meet other guys easily if you are at a University – no time or place is better than that!

  8. Kelly

    This is great! I met a guy at a friend’s party and we hung out the rest of the night dancing and talking and going to other parties that night. I asked for his Instagram and he asked for my number, we exchanged both. Then the next night he texted saying he had so much fun meeting me, I would be down to check out Santa Monica this Friday? I texted him after studying saying I had a blast and would love too. Yet friday was is in 2 days and he didn’t text back until Saturday! So it’s been 4 days of no contact yet he watches my instagram stories. Do you think he isnt interested? This is literally the 1st time a guy doesnt text me back after asking me out. I am just confused. I thought he was shy or inexperienced maybe but after reading you blog I feel like I shouldn’t make excuses for him. Do you think he is just not into me fully? He is 2 years younger than me and we go to the same university.

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maria, Glad to see how fast you catch on!. Sadly, yes he is stringing you along. Who knows why people do this. Loneliness, boredom, ego building, etc. Just block him and move on – he’s only going to waste your time. When a man is genuinely interested – they don’t play games, waste time, or put off meeting you. A man who is interested does what it takes to spend time with you in person. That’s the kind of man you deserve – this is a place not to settle.

  10. Maria

    Hi Ronnie! I matched with this guy on tinder and we sent a few messages over the course of a week, and then one night we properly got to talking, found out we had a lot in common, and agreed to go out sometime. We tentatively set a date for the next weekend, and he mentioned that he had some ideas of where to get lunch, but we never made specific plans. We messaged back and forth a few times that week, but never held much of a conversation. The day before our potential date I asked again about where we should go and he said he had to reschedule, but when I asked when he was free he said “not this week, maybe the week after?” Whenever he talks about us going out he sounds enthusiastic, and we seemed to hit it off when we were properly talking, but now he hasn’t responded for 3 days and I wonder if he’s just stringing me along. Should I keep waiting to see if he’ll set up a date or move on?

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Pearl, Sadly this man is playing with your head. He has NO intention of getting together. But he enjoys asking you out and the fantasy perhaps of what it would be like if you did go out. It feels good when you say, “Yes!” But you won’t be going out with him because he’s not making any real plans. Just block him and be done with his little game. There are better men out there and waiting will not make this better. He’s not looking or ready for love so move on to find a man who is.

  12. Pearl

    Hi Ronnie, I met with this guy on tinder from the same town. He asked me after a week of texting if ”want to meet some day during summer” (which is quite vague), To which I answered ”Yes, let’s just see that we both can”? He just said ”Yep”. This was the first time when he did not proceed actual plans. He asked me later to come with him and go to on restaurant he mentioned, to which I answered ”sure why not!” And he just answered with heart-eyed emoji. Later he asked me to go on a ride with him, I said ”sure when you can?” He said ”whenever!”. Again vague. I’m confused, why would he ask me but then not continue to make plans?

  13. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ricolla, If you want to find lasting, committed love, comments like “you’re hot and sexy” are not indicators. Just because a man is attracted to you doesn’t mean he wants a relationship with you. Add his recent cancellations with basic excuses like “hectic at work”, and I’d say he’s not seriously interested. And he’s stringing you along because he’d sleep with you given the chance. If you are serious about finding love, drop this long distance thing and look locally. You want to see a guy a couple of times a week (after the first week or two) if you want to build a healthy relationship. LDRs will keep you single or connected to some guy who is never available. Sometimes women choose LDR without realizing they are keeping love at a distance. That might not be true for you, but my advise is to think it. LDR keeps you safe if you don’t trust men because he’s too far away and always busy.

  14. Ricolla76

    I have a man who calls me sexy, hot, adores my sense of humour and just being around me. We don’t get to see eachother a lot as it’s a long distance situation. He’s really opened up over the past few months and tries to see me when he can, but lately he has canceled last minute . Or he says work is hectic and he’s doing OT (he’s in the medical field). My last relationship was with a man who cheated on me so I have trust issues and I’m worried that I am over thinking this. If he says he wants to see me and says I turn him on, I need to take it as a compliment and roll with it right ? Or should I be stern about having him see me more ?

  15. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Callie, I’m not sure what you are hoping for. Just a visit or a relationship? He’ll never become “your man” because he doesn’t want any strings attached. Your long distance friendship is easy, fun fantasy. If it goes deeper than that, he knows you’ll have expectations of him so he’s not going for it. Making things totally easy for a man doesn’t work as you can see. You are skipping ahead into a level of intimacy he wants nothing to do with. Your bet bet is to find another man to date and leave him as a friend.

  16. Callie

    I’ve got a guy who is hooked on me but distance and a cruddy relationship keeps us apart. I’m newly single and he has been flirting, sexting, and wants to meet up. I’ve known him for years. He started out like a brother and over time we fell for one another. I’ve said I would cook for him and always have his favorite whiskey. All he has to do is relax and not worry about a thing. He never says yes. It’s the only time he won’t reply. He claims it’s because he loves me so much and it scares him because it’s too much. I know him well and that does seem accurate with his personality. Do I think he will eventually visit? Maybe. He has seen male friends and didn’t mention that it. I could have joined them but he gets nervous around me now . The last time we saw each other we did fool around a bit. We had drank though. Right now I am not happy with losing an incredible friend but I worry he isn’t overthinking stuff. The best policy in my mind is to not text him and let him come to me. Ideas?

  17. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Whetstone – sexting for two years is not the stuff of lasting love. Texting means nothing without dates and sexting means even less. He may have helped you through some things which is nice, but if he wanted to see you, would he wait 2 years? He’s not serious about you. Stop accepting his crumbs of attention and allowing him to play with your head and heart. Block him so you don’t get sucked back in and move on. Look for a man who will ask you out on weekly dates and wants to spend time with you in person.

  18. Whetstone

    I was getting close with a guy from college. 2 years we were sexting back and forth and only saw eachother once for a hookup. (We live in different states). He is at his families vacation house for 2 months currently, and has said he wants to take a road trip and see me. It would take him a matter of 3 hours and he knows the route. So far it’s been empty promises. That’s it. I have stopped texting asking him when he will come see me. My guess is he has other people to fill his time (ladies), that are closer. He says we have an amazing connection, and I agree. We have talked for hours about everything and he has helped me through some things and vice versa. But my patience is wearing thin. Why say you want to meet up, plan it out , but hide and ignore texts when it gets closer to the day? It makes me so sad . In a week or so he will suddenly text like nothing has happened .

  19. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Tania, Sorry that you are hurting. it’s true no man could compare to one who is impossible to get. He’s a fantasy more than real love. He vanishes when you want him to be responsive – do you think that is true love? He sends you videos when he’s with the boys – this makes him feel good because they see he has more than one woman! You said it all when you explained how you are neutral and fun, asked for nothing and honestly that’s what you got from him. He gave you only what he wanted to share. Now he’s leading you on, saying he wants to see you. Please don’t believe that. If he really wanted to see you, he’d set a day, time and place! This man is playing with your head and heart. I hope you do stop interacting with him and allow your heart to heal. Then build your self-worth and know you deserve a man all to yourself who will build a life with you. Not one who vanishes, breaks promises, plays games and wants you on the side because he’s “unhappy”. That’s the oldest excuse for cheating in the world.

  20. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Bubbly, There’s never a reason to chase a man! Why do you want him if he has a girlfriend? Even though you say you don’t want a relationship with him, you’re already wondering how to get more going. Women often think they’re good with casual, but still want frequent contact and to see a man often. Casual and being the side girl, i.e. FWB means you take what he gives you. Are you ready to follow only his terms? Might be fun for a while, but without any power, this kind of thing gets old or frustrating fast. I must admit, I’m not good helping women do the side thing. That’s just not my skill set. I’m all about finding lasting love, so you might need to ask someone else. From my perspective, I don’t see how that will make you happy.

  21. Tania

    I had a male best friend who flirted with me. It was just who he was, and he preferred texting. He was never happy with his home life and so leaned on me. It sparked something because I was “Sweden” – Neutral and fun. We could drink, laugh, and fool around and I never told him to take the trash out, go have the tires changed, or shovel. It was all on the down low. He left the area and so texts slowed and I haven’t seen him for a year. But, I wonder if he does truly love me. Things changed when I’d get upset if he wouldn’t text me back, or if he had promised to fix something and vanished. So I backed off and he did as well. As of a few days ago, he has declared he needs to see me, misses me. But he won’t pick a day and time. This is a guy who would go to football games and send me photos, videos, when he was with his guy friends. There were other things that show he truly cared but I personally don’t think he can handle me. I’m 2 much of a draw to him. I keep seeing other people and they don’t compare. I may never find a guy like him again. So, I don’t text him. Things change, and my heart needs to heal I guess.

  22. Bubbly

    What if he just wants to be friends with benefits and has a girlfriend that he is unhappy with? If you have a friendship with him already, do u chase him knowing he isn’t happy or follow his lead? I know fully it will never be a relationship and I don’t want one with him. But I do want the friendship and contact still.

  23. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Muriel, So I hear a little confusion and to clear that up I’m going to be blunt and hope you won’t mind. This is really for all the blog readers. Pursuit is not on and off and doesn’t involve disappearing or random, meaningless texting. Pursuit is taking you out on weekly dates with texting and calling in between because a man wants to get to know you and spend time with you. “Hanging out” and “chilling” are more casual and often involve the hope for sex. That’s not a REAL date.

    Next up – when a man texts idle promises, “Let’s chat soon” there is nothing serious about his intent. He might be bored, fantasizing about you, or purposely stringing you along for his own ego or in case he ever does feel like seeing you. So, playing hard to get won’t work. This guy has already proved himself unworthy if you are hoping to have this become a relationship some day. Regardless of his looks and charm, if you want love, move on. This man is a dead end.

  24. Muriel

    I have a guy who has been pursuing me for awhile now. He texts me randomly, vanishes for a week or so and flirts like crazy. I met him through a mutual friend a few years ago, so we have hung out before. Hard working, handsome, charming, but he knows he is. He will text me saying we need to chat soon and plan a time to get together and “chill”. He’ll have to travel an hour to see me. What really gets me is that he says all of this and nothing happens. Why keep doing this to me? What is the game ? When he texts me now I play along knowing he won’t follow through and I keep going on other dates. I really fell for him when I met him. Should I play hard to get with this guy to see if he will eventually follow through and meet up?

  25. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Annie, Clearly he has rethought the idea and backed off from it. Sorry to say you’ll never know why. Let it go and know that it doesn’t really matter. Many people prefer to avoid conflict and confrontation, especially men. So they just avoid the whole thing – surprisingly, is normal and expected behavior from people who just can’t seem to deal with saying they changed their minds. Women do this as well. So my advice is to let it go with grace and chalk it up to the mysteries of life. If you want a regular squash or tennis partner put up a sign at the courts or talk to the owners for partner suggestions. Your insurance guy isn’t going to come through for you.

  26. Annie

    Hi Ronnie, I’ve known the guy (my insurance broker) for years, but have never met, only spoken by phone or email. In May, he sent me a postcard online wishing me a nice weekend holiday. After I came back I wrote and sent pictures from the trip. Didn’t expect anything, I just wanted to be nice. He replied after and we exchanged emails. Turns out we share the same interests – tennis and squash. He asked me to play squash with him, but no details were set. Last week I texted him, “What about squash?” He replied immediately “Exactly!”, more texts with comments about tennis matches and that’s it. The next day I texted if he wants to play, he’s bound to find time over the weekend. No answer. I don’t understand. If he’s changed his mind, he could just say so, but this is weird and uncomfortable. What should I do now? He works a lot. I’d like to know what caused this change of mind. And even if not for dating, I’d appreciate a regular squash partner and I’d like to see him anyway, but set certain standards. What do you suggest?

  27. Jane

    Hiya he’s got back and wants to see me and is so glad i got back in touch. He’s texting straight away and is totally different. Ive come off the dating sites so is this why? I was still on them before changing my pictures etc so could be why he was vague? I just thought he wasn’t interested at the time …

  28. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Jane, Ever hear the saying, “Curiosity killed the cat”? In dating and life there are some things you’ll never know. And truth is it DOESN’T MATTER! What does matter if he’s not sure what he wants or is doing some odd dance and who needs that? Not you! If you are glamorous, build the confidence to go with that! Know that you are awesome and if he’s scared, he’s not good enough for you. End of story. You certainly aren’t going to FIX him. Move on and stop letting your curiosity get the best of you. You want a man who sees you, knows you are for him, and follows through to spend time with you consistently! Nothing less is worthwhile.

  29. Jane

    Hi Ronnie
    I’m really confused. I went on a date with a guy from a dating site and we got on amazingly. He said he liked older women, hes 35 I’m a young looking 52. He more or less said i was what he was looking for but initially didn’t message me because he thought i was out of his league. We had chemistry, a laugh, I’ve never felt so connected to someone it was unreal. Long story short, he’s asked me out 3 times only to disappear and say he got scared and a second date is a big deal. Normally I would tell him to do a running jump but my friends are convinced he’s scared of me because I’m quite glamorous and he’s sort of nerdy. I also think he could have Aspergers as my ex had it and i recognized some signs. He seemed naive on the date, but it could all be a show and he’s playing with me. The asking to see me then going quite is so weird, saying he cant wait to see me. I have never ever come across anything like this before where someone is so keen but can’t go forward. I know I should forget him but i just want to know why? Thank you

  30. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Janet, Don’t blame yourself for his lack of follow through. This let’s you know he’s not that serious or he changed his mind. I can’t say if you got him off track but that would seem unlikely. If you want to give it one more try, then go ahead. But I wouldn’t do more than that. This is very common – happens all the time, so like I said, don’t blame yourself.

  31. Janet

    I’ve had an exchange with a guy online. After several does of back and forth messaging he said he’d “love to meet for coffee …if I’m interested…?” I expressed interest and he asked about my availability. I got back and he said it would need to be an evening based on his schedule. I replied “not a problem” and asked a question which may have come off as an attempt to change the conversation, he answered, I replied and he commented, last. I did not message back b/c it was a bit of a dead end. A week later, nothing. We experienced incliment weather and had a holiday so I waited and still nothing. Did I come across as trying to change the subject or possibly not express enough interest. I am considering a playful follow-up and one only.

  32. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lil, This is a situation when it’s worth looking at yourself as well as the man. Whose schedule is worse and why don’t you want to talk by phone? Often women attract unavailable men when they too are somewhat unavailable. Do you need to find a reliable babysitter? Do you have time and energy to date? As for him, when you struggle early because the man can’t find time to meet you, that’s a strong signal he’s not really available. Being a single parent with two kids and a job can take up all the band width a person has sometimes, especially when they are under 12. I recommend letting him go – you already can see he’s not serious. From what you wrote it sounds like you asked him out the first time. When you ask a man out he might say yes for many reasons besides his genuine interest like curiosity, boredom, flattery or hoping for sex. To find a man who is really interested, let men ask you out instead. See if that works better for you.

  33. Lil

    Hi Ronnie, Met a guy online – We are both divorced with 2 children and early 40s and had two dates. He’s asked me out again, but working out the details is difficult. He jokes that I should select the venue since I selected well the first time and maybe he should be the one to ask me out and I arrange it. He asked me out again after the second date and I agreed but schedules made it difficult. He texts every other day and we chat. He said he isn’t talking on the phone and I’m not either but our texting far outweighs or face time so far. What was odd was for the second date, he asked if we had made plans as he wasn’t sure. I’m guessing his memory is extra bad or he isn’t as interested. I’m over the long texting conversations and my interest is fading. But if he wants to take me out again then I would be fine with it. Help!

  34. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sara, I”m sorry to tell you this but for some reason he is no longer interested. I wouldn’t contact him again. He told you when he’d call and he didn’t do it. Remember, no response or follow through from a man is a type of communication. This behavior does send a clear mess of “not interested”. Move on to more bumble matches and delete his so you don’t waste any more time. It’s a mystery but I bet anything it’s his ambivalence and nothing to do with you at all.

  35. Sara

    Hello! I matched with a guy on Bumbledate. We went to the same High school and college but never really talked. We made plans this past Thursday to meet up but he cancelled because he said,” He would only be able to hang out for less than an hour.” My friend and I later bumped into him at the movie theatre with his cousin. He introduced me to him and said we’ll make plans after he comes back from his retreat. He hasn’t contacted me in 5 days and came back from his retreat 2 days ago. Should I move on or try to set up a date?
    Best, Sara

  36. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, I’d be guessing, but my bet is you are more interested than he is. But two days isn’t that long. The thing is, I advise not getting too attached to a guy who isn’t around or a guy you just started communicating with. You can have fun with it, but don’t think it means anything serious. That way you won’t get hurt.

  37. Sarah

    So basically I’m in high school and my bday was the other day. This guy added me on snapchat and said i’m cute and said we should hang out when he comes back to where i live (he’s a boarder home for the summer). I said yeah that would be fun and I would always be the one to start conversations for the past week. It took him a while to open them but I figured he’s just busy since hes probably prioritizing his family right now considering he hasn’t seen them in months. He always answers me and even brought up that we should facetime but he wasn’t able to. I’m always the one to start a conversation. It’s been two days and I haven’t heard anything. Do u think he may be interested but is busy right now or do u think he changed his mind?

  38. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Josephine, I’m sorry this has hurt you. But, how can you be friends when he unfriended and blocked you? I’m not at why you are confused unless you wonder why he did that. Friendship is not an option. I can’t say why he was on and off or why he always said no to your requests. Maybe he saw you only because he was lonely. Sadly, some people do this. But you need to let go and move on because there is nothing with him for you now. You will get over him – it just takes a little time. You deserve better treatment than this. Don’t accept such poor treatment in the future.

  39. Josephine

    Hi, Ronnie.. I met this guy through facebook. He text me and asked me out for lunch and movie. We meet once per week in one month and then stop dated me for two months but we text. Then he asked me out again and stop again. So, we meet 8 times for the period of 4-5 months. When I ask him out, he rejects me with some excuse. I am so confused whether he is interested or not. Every time he rejected my invitation, he will post a nice picture of dinner with someone else. This means he prefer seeing someone other than me? I am so hurt, he comes and goes, so I texting him how he hurt me. He ignores my text, unfriend and block me in all media social. Should I still be friend and talk to him?

  40. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Marianne, It’s only been two days. See what happens in the next two days. If he doesn’t text, or texts but doesn’t bring it up, that will mean he’s not serious and just stringing you along. Then, STOP texting and move on.

  41. Marianne

    Hello, I was chatting with a guy over the course of one day. I initiated the chat and he responded immediately, and after a few messages he asked if I would be up for visiting (we live in neighbouring cities). I said I would be happy to, and then we exchanged a few more messages. It’s been two days though and I have not heard back from him. Shall I assume he is not really interested and leave it? Or check in one more time?

  42. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Mugz, It’s sounds like this guy likes you but isn’t serious. Sometimes men connect after breaking up with another woman for comfort and to prove they still have what it takes romantically. But if he was serious, he wouldn’t text you on rare occasions. He’d stay in touch and see you often. Right now, he’s treating you casually and cancelling for reasons that aren’t respectful. So, if you want a man who will cherish and respect you , doesn’t seem like this is the guy.

    Since you knew him for years, this is a case where you can be direct with him if you want. Say in a nice/kind tone of voice that it’s nice to reconnect, but he doesn’t seem serious. If he wants to be serious, you’d be open to that. Otherwise you are going to move on. See what he says but remember – the proof is in his actions. So if he says he is serious but his behavior doesn’t change – move on!

  43. Mugz

    Hi Ronnie, I know this guy for 10 years. He proposed once, but I said no because I was in relationship with another guy. He went into relationship but broke up with her. But he’s shown interest in me again by texting me. Texting on his vacation and when his father passed away. We’ve met up a few times. Sometimes he planned a date and we went to a restaurant, but other times he canceled last minute, saying relatives came home, went out with friends etc. This makes me angry. I am confused what to do with this guy. His action makes me wonder what decision to make.

  44. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Johanna, He must be conflicted about something which is holding him back. To me his hesitancy means he is still not ready because this is not how a man who knows what he wants behaves. Since it’s been a year, you aren’t new to each other, so why don’t you call him and have a conversation? You can say, “If you want to visit, let’s schedule something. And if you aren’t serious, that’s OK but this in between thing isn’t working for me.” Then be completely quiet and don’t say a word. Let him speak next. If you don’t like his answer, feel free to end it. You don’t need to be strung along if he can’t make up his mind. My bet is he misses you, but he still isn’t ready.

  45. Johanna

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve been “dating” a guy for over a 1 year. For 4-5 months we texted everyday and had 1 date per week. Our relation was initially sexual, but ended up seeing each other even without sex. Then I stopped it because I wanted more, he was not ready. He took it badly and told my friend, but never expressed what he felt to me. So, I told him we could hang around as friends but no sex. He said he couldn’t resist and it continued 3 more months. Then I moved away – we are now in different European countries. When we kissed goodbye he said he wanted to visit. Since then we text sometimes (usually me first) and again he wants to visit. I came up with dates, but it took him a long time to answer and he stayed vague saying he had to confirm. What does it mean? I want to ask what the hell is he doing and why is he telling me he wants to visit me? Thanks for your help.

  46. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey F, Sorry this is going on with a fix up. This guy is a creep who blames you for not texting and can’t stick to a plan. Why bother with him? You deserve to be treated honestly and with respect – two things he knows nothing about. Trust me, this is not how a quality man treats a woman, and he has shown you his true colors. I would ghost and even block him. If you see him, be cordial, but don’t get into who did what – he’ll surely blame you again.

  47. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi TA, A man who is interested in you will often stay in touch so he gets to know you. Whether texting or talking or both, unfortunately, this guy is not getting to know you. And I agree – he pushed off your date when he could have seen you – not a good sign. But his offer to cook you dinner at his place is a classic play to get you into his home and then into his bed. I learned this one myself (read this post). When a man offers to cook – you are dessert! My dating advice is that he’s not genuinely interested considering the vague date, pushing you off and asking to cook for you. I’d go meet some other men if you’re looking for love.

  48. F

    I met this guy through a friend and we went out a week after meeting. Had a great first date. He texted me right away asking for a second date. When the day came, neither of us reached out. A few days later he reached out saying I went MIA and he thought I wasn’t interested since I never texted. We made plans to hang out and this time I reached out, but no response. Next day he asked what happened and I said I texted but never heard. He texted a screen shot saying he never received a text (the phone works both ways right?). We rescheduled and this time he set a date, time and place to avoid confusion. I texted saying I was heading out and he said, something came up with family but should be done soon. Never heard from him. The following week we ran into each other and made vague plans for this weekend and I reached out and didn’t hear from him again. Now I want ask if he’s still interested b/c its been over a month since our date and its starting to feel like work planning something.

  49. TA

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met a guy through a dating app. We texted before meeting up which he mostly initiated. We met on a Monday night and the date went smoothly. He paid and then drove me home. I was waiting to hear from him, but decided to send him a thank you text the next day, thinking I want to be polite. I thanked him and wished him a good trip (he was going away). He replied same day saying he and would like to see me before he goes and suggested he cook for me at his place. He said he was leaving Sunday and chose Thursday, but mentioned that he was getting busy. I asked him to let me know in advance, since it was Wednesday at that point. He said the date would have to wait until he is back. So that’s a vague 2nd date plan, he’s going away and we haven’t been in contact. My question is – is it possible he’s still interested and may contact me upon his return? I don’t mind the lack of texting and I know his job is long hours. But he did have the weekend in town before leaving and chose not to make plans with me.

  50. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Toni, I know this is hard to come to grips with but this man is simply leading you on. Yes he is the type to ghost etc – he’s doing it! Texting and flirting are fun but mean nothing regarding a man’s true intentions. He has already shown you that he isn’t planning on meeting you – two times. What’s telling you to give him a chance is nothing but your romantic heart. Don’t bother with him or you’ll end up heartbroken. Men who are serious are not vague and do not avoid meeting or cancel repeatedly. Sorry to say he’s not “The One” one for you.

  51. Toni

    I just wish I knew why. I messaged and then texted with a guy for a few weeks. We flirted a bunch and he kept saying he couldn’t wait to meet me in person and suggesting all these things we could do in the future. We had one date scheduled but when I sent a “Looking forward to tomorrow “ text the day ahead, he said he had a family thing, apologized several times, and we tentatively scheduled another for today, with him saying he’d let me know for sure. We texted about other things yesterday but no mention of yes or no to date. I haven’t heard from him, though he’s posted online so I know he’s not in a coma. He’s the first guy I’ve been interested in since I started dating again. I didn’t think he was the type to ghost or leave someone on the hook but I guess I was wrong. Do I text him at all? Ask why he never decided about today? I don’t want to waste my time, but something tells me to give him another chance, even as several other guys have asked me out, so it’s not that I’m just desperate for a date. Help!!!

  52. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anne, You have set a precedent of being willing to do all the work. This is a problem since it sounds like you wish he’d contact you and initiate. He may be a beta man who tends to take a back seat and let you lead. Or he might be using you as a filler until a better woman comes along. So if you want this to possibly turn around, you can do one of two things.

    1)Stop texting and initiating and see if he contacts you. It’s a nail biter but worth it to know where you stand with him. or 2) Tell him you like it when a man takes charge and plans the date. Then see what he says. Or ask “is that something you are willing to do?” If he says yes, great! Then you have to do nothing and wait for the next time to see if he follows through. Either way, you’ll need to wait but it is the ONLY WAY TO KNOW how a man feels about you. Words do not cut it – only actions are the true test of a man’s interest. I encourage you to read this post on the Ballroom Dancing Principle of Dating.

  53. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    HI Ava, in the old days before texting two days was nothing and a man who was interested usually didn’t call for three days! This was the “three day rule” in which a man didn’t want to seem too interested or anxious so waited to reconnect. Today, with texting everything is expected to be more instantaneous. I”m not sure if that is realistic. So if he doesn’t contact you by day four or five, he might not be interested. But alarm bells don’t need to go off at just 2 days.

    You can always reach out ONE TIME ONLY to ask a question. Anything except where have you been. Did you hear something in the news/radio/saw it online that you wanted to talk about or mention or that made you think of him/ Connect and ask/mention something along these lines which is neutral and friendly. Or say something flirty like, “I can still smell your aftershave (cologne).” But never do this more than one time or it becomes chasing before you know it.

  54. Ava

    Hi. So I went out with a guy who I met through Instagram and it all started from there. After talking there for a few times times he said we should plan to meet which I agreed to. We made plans for that following weekend and he suggested a few places for us to go to and asked for my opinion. We met up and had a great time at least to the best of my knowledge. He took care of the bill but we only had appetizer and drinks. Before saying goodbye he said we should do this again. After we each left separately because neither one of us drove but he did offer to drop me off but I said no. He texted that same night asking if I got home safe and asked what I was doing. It’s been 2 days and we haven’t talked since that night. Do you think he is not interested? or what could this mean?

  55. Anne

    Ronnie, I was introduced to this guy by my good friend, we went out three times and already scheduled for another date next week. The problem that I am facing is, he doesn’t initiate or texting me, but when I text him about meeting up, he would replies right away with the date and time. Socially, he is a little strange, I would say, he is an introvert, but extremely cute. Should I continue to do all the planning/initiation or maybe I should tell him to start making plans and contact me or else I will drop him?

  56. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Leyla, I can see why you are confused so let me clear up a few things. 1) Before texting, waiting two days for a guy to get back to you was considered really good! So I wouldn’t be worried about a two day gap after a date. 2) And 5-15 minutes to respond to a text is fast in my book. Sometimes hours or days go by. I just thought you needed a little insight into what to expect about timing. 3) A man’s sense of timing is more extended than a woman’s – women think it should all happen now! Men take their time. 4) When a man asks when he can see you again and you aren’t free for a week, the best thing you can do is tell him the first time you are free. That way you can set a date and he won’t misinterpret that you are trying to avoid him or play hard to get. Next time say,”I have guests this week but I’ll be free by Tuesday. what did you have in mind?” This keeps the conversation about getting together open rather than shutting it down. 5) Last but not least, maybe he wasn’t that interested or misunderstood you putting him off. Just in case, you can reach out one time and say you had a great time with your guests but now they left and ask how he’s doing. Maybe he’ll ask you out. But at least you can say you tried. Never do this more than once though – that would be chasing which n ever works.

  57. Leyla

    I went on a date two weeks ago with a guy that I knew from family friendship. The date went well and it felt like he was interested. But then he didn’t text me right away after the date, it went 2 days until he texted me asking how I am etc. We had a little chat. The thing that confused me is that he didn’t answer right away. It took him 5-15 min until he responded. Then at the end he wrote “when can I see you again?” I said I couldn’t see him until next week due to guests. Then he just responded ”so fun!” Almost a week has passed and I haven’t heard anything from him . At first I suspected he didn’t write because he knew I had guests and he didn’t wanna bother me. But now that many days have gone by, I feel like he wasn’t as interested as I thought he was. I’m so confused.

  58. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Megan, Bummer this happened. Don’t feel too bad – sometimes a little hanky panky and great sexual chemistry is fun! Leaving hte date vague lets him feel better because he might think he didn’t let you down too hard by at least asking to see you again (even thought he didn’t). Since he didn’t get back to you about leaving something at your place, then you might as well forget him and move on. There’s nothing wrong with casual sex, but if you want lasting love, I urge you to hold off like 5-6 dates at least. This way you’ll see if the guy keeps coming around and you’ll know him a lot better. Helps weed out the casual sex guys.

  59. Megan

    Hey, I went on a date with this guy and we got on really well, had great banter, a few drinks and just really enjoyed each others company and there was a lot of chemistry. He walked me home and ended up sleeping together and him staying the night which is the first time I’ve ever done something like that. Even in the morning it wasn’t awkward, evreything seemed nice and chilled out but a little exciting. He left later and messaged me within a few hours asking me out again but left it vague just ‘next week we should see a film’. I messaged him back later on and agreed and that was that. It’s been five days and he hasn’t contacted me, should I move on? I messaged him again just to let him know he left something at mine but still nothing. I don’t want to message him again but I really liked him and it seemed like it was the same for him. Should I forget about him?

  60. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Abby, I hate to say it but this guy only wants sex. How do I know? He invited you to dinner at his house for the first date. When ever a man cooks for you, the plan is sex for dessert. My advise: Never go to a man’s house for dinner until maybe date 6 or later. Instead, stay out in public so there’s no chance for hanky panky. The second tip off is that he doesn’t make plans or ask you out. He suggested you come to his house for sex. He didn’t ask you out for a second date and he didn’t initiate – you asked him out.

    Now I know today men and women enjoy more equality, but that’s not part of dating…yet. Again my advise: Don’t ask a man out. After you slept with him, he didn’t even reach out to you! So, he assumes that you are OK with not going out, him not initiating, and having casual sex with him. The bad news is there is no way to turn this around. Not because you did anything wrong but, because he doesn’t want anything else. He is doing exactly what he wants – playing things by ear and asking you over for sex. He’s happy to do that but, nothing more. This makes him the WRONG man for you because he doesn’t want to take you out or go on dates or build a relationship. For that, you’ll need to find a new man.

  61. Abby

    I met this guy on bumble. We texted back and forth. I ended up going to his place for dinner. We talked a lot and things, one thing lead to another and we had sex. A couple days later I texted him saying “had a great time with you,” we texted more, he hinted about a date. Thursday I texted him we should try for next week, or the week after for dinner. Then Friday he texts, “come over tonight if you want.” I text back, “What do you want to do tonight?” He texts “U lol”. Which then I text “Tempting but I made plans tonight, maybe next week we can for dinner” and he only texted, “Sounds great.” I want to know if that’s all he wants? It sounds like it, but I don’t know. And if he does ask me out, how do I bring the whole I want to get to know you more than just sex? Assuming I didn’t push him away, with the last text.

  62. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Luna, When a man is interested, he pursues you. This man did made no effort. He did say yes to your request, so go and enjoy this one time. It’s not a bad thing to ask ONCE. But do not ask him out again because that is the only way you’ll ever know if he’s really interested or not. He might have said yes because he’s flattered or curious, not because of genuine interest. Do nothing and watch to see what he does to see you again. If he doesn’t pursue, then he’s not interested. Know it’s that simple. Sometimes men find you attractive, so they look and appear interested. But that is not enough. If they do not pursue, they do not want to date you. There are endless reasons, but you won’t know why. You have to be smart and trust this or you will find yourself chasing men and miserable.

  63. Luna

    Hi, I am working with a guy on a weekend program and I’ve liked for a few months now. We are both in our mid-twenties. He is a busy guy in general. He works in a company meanwhile I study and work too. He shows signs of interest in person (always staring, stands close, makes eye contact…) but doesn’t text me unless it’s for work. We text twice a week. He doesn’t make the first move to text me always but last night I asked him out for coffee and he said yes with a time and place. Maybe it’s me who over reading it but his answer seems casual and not excited. My question is how do I know if he’s truly interested and did I make the right move in asking him out for coffee?

  64. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ayla, If you’re dating, you’ve got to toughen up! You’re mad about some guy you never met. Don’t99 give your power away like that. Instead, say to yourself, “He wasn’t the right guy for me, who is next?” This allows you to move on and feel optimistic. A better man is in your future. Yes it’s disrespectful, but that’s a man who doesn’t know what he wants. It’s about him, not you. And you taking it personally is about you. Closure doesn’t help as you can plainly see and often there is no closure. You CREATE CLOSURE by shutting the door on men who don’t respect you. It doesn’t matter why he didn’t follow through. That wouldn’t help. Learn to let go right away when a man doesn’t follow up. You read this post, so you now understand that a vague date is a man playing games or unsure of what he wants. Stop feeling bad and snap out of it! as Cher said in Moonstruck. Dust yourself off and find out who is next.

  65. Ayla

    I met this guy on tinder. We set a date – he cancelled 2 days before. After 3 days I asked him if his intention was to meet and we set a date 2 weeks later. No further details discussed. After a few days he went silent, only liking my ig posts. Got angry, but stayed calm. Texted to see if everything is ok and he replied. I left it like that. Today we were supposed to meet, but last night I deleted his number. Today I texted via social media saying it’s rude and a simple text would have been nice. No apology, he only said, “Life gets busy and wished me all the best.” It hurts. I feel awful even though I never met him. I know it has nothing to do with him, more with stuff I have to deal with. It’s hard to let things go without closure. Now I have that. Don’t understand why people can’t respect each other.

  66. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Diana, First, a man who sees you one a month is NOT serious about you. He wants company and sex once in a while, so he stays in touch to keep you open for when he’s in the mood. He hides behind his daughter to put you off and reaches out while you’re away because it’s safe. He knows you can’t see him them. Let him go – 5 dates in 5 months is not a healthy relationship. You want to be pursued by a man for weekly dates (at least!) to know he’s serious about you and having a relationship.

    Second, you can’t get him to see you to tell him he’s wrong. You can’t “teach” a man anything. A man either treats you well and is the right for you or not. If you really want to teach him something, DUMP HIM. Stop communicating, and BLOCK him forever without explanation because he doesn’t care about you! This lets him know you respect yourself enough to keep your dignity, won’t accept relationship crumbs (once a month dates) and have moved on to find true love, not more of his lame excuses.

  67. Diana

    I met this guy on Tinder. He omitted he has a daughter and brought her up out of the blue after 2 dates. I put in my profile I have kids. We had great chemistry and he said I was amazing. He used to text me 3-4 times a week. It’s been 5 months and we have had 5 dates. He calls them dates. We’ve had sex twice. After the first 3 months he used his daughter as an excuse for being busy. Every time I go on a trip he reaches out. Last week I traveled and he said he wanted to ask me out for dinner when I got back. I told him I’m back and he said he was taking care of his daughter. He previously ghosted and I said “hey you could’ve said you didn’t wanna hang out anymore. You didn’t respect me enough to do it and I considered you a friend.” He apologized profusely and kept texting till I replied. Then after a few days he asked me out and yet… he is avoiding me once again!!! I want to see him face to face to tell him how this is so wrong and say good luck. But how do I set up a meeting without sounding any more clingy!

  68. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi AJ, He may like you but not want to date you. He likes the idea that YOU LIKE HIM – that feels good, boosts his ego, etc. It’s also possible he’s in a relationship which is why you haven’t had a coffee date yet. He can mess around at work and feel like he’s not cheating. My advice for this guy is forget him as an option. Avoid him for a while if that feels better. Then get online and look for men to date.

    Online it’s OK if you ask a man to meet for coffee, but let him decide after that if he wants to ask you out. Don’t jump the gun so you don’t go through this again. When you ask a guy out, he might be flattered like this guy, but that doesn’t mean he’ll take you up on it. You might want to read this post on the Ballroom Principle of Dating for a deeper understanding of why it’s best to let the man lead. Might seem antiquated but it still holds true at any age.

    Regarding being too nice and patient, yes that’s also possible. When a man cancels once due to illness, that’s understandable. But when they cancel multiple times, why put up with that? The faster you let go, the faster you can move on to find a man who is interested for real and not just talking a good game.

  69. AJ

    Hello Ronnie, I worked with a guy and back in October 2018, I asked for his number and to get coffee. He said “I thought you never ask.” We have hit it off but unfortunately he cancelled due to pneumonia. He has asked me out for coffee 4 more times and cancels each time. I never text to follow up because he doesn’t follow through and I don’t want to look clingy. He texted out of the blue apologizing and planned to get coffee on Tuesday which again came and went. I was upset – I don’t play games and confronted him at work, asking his intentions because he’s sending mixed messages. I told him he was hurting me and I can handle rejection. He said he’s not playing games, apologized and claimed he was interested -then nothing happened again. Grow up. Why he is doing this – because I’m too kind and patient? Your advice and words are much appreciated. Thank you!

  70. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Suzy, Nope he’s not shy, he’s moved on. Maybe you are super busy. Not sure why you couldn’t find time for coffee last weekend or then during the week. You put him off till the next weekend. You may not realize this but attraction is fleeting. It has a shelf life just like milk. There are lots of other women out there who are available. I’m glad you don’t want to look desperate – good move so you don’t have to do anything more with this guy. What I recommend is not getting on the apps unless you are available. When you know you’ll be on vacation or away for a weekend, don’t bother until you are back and ready to meet.

  71. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Jessy, This guy wants to keep you as an option just in case. Dump him, he’s stringing you along. Texting takes hardly any time but he knows it keeps you connected. Stop texting, block him, then move on. I”m sorry to tell you that great chemistry, while fun and exciting, is not an indication of a man’s true interest, intentions or wanting a relationship with you. It’s just about sex, especially when he pulls away like this. I’m not sure he even had the flu…another common excuse men use to avoid you. I know it stinks.

  72. Jessy

    Hello. I met a guy at New Years party and we felt such incredible chemistry and connection. So we end up kissing. Four days after we went on a dinner date. It was his invite of course. We had a great time, it was really obvious he does like me and we have been intimate the same night. That was 3 weeks ago. In those 3 weeks he hasn’t asked to see me as one weekend he was away, another one he had a flue and wasn’t feeling well. However, he stayed in touch all this time, he did message me and called me. So last weekend when we had spoken over the phone he suggested to meet up for the following week. We even messaged each other in middle of the week and he didn’t say anything about dinner plans. Which I found it very weird. Considering that is almost the weekend and I haven’t heard from him, I’m just wondering why this guy pretends that he is still interested in meeting me, why he tries to stay in touch but doesn’t follow through? What’s the problem here?

  73. Suzy

    Hi Ronnie. So glad I found your page. So I met a man on Tinder almost a month ago. We talked a bit and he asked me out. Actually he asked me when can he invite me for a coffee. That was last week. My response was that I’m not free this weekend but I can do it next weekend. His risponse: ‘With pleasure 🙂 ‘. Well next weekend is just around the corner and he stopped chatting. The last chat I got from him was on Sunday in relation to changing my picture. His response was : ”oh new pic, nice nice 🙂 In replay i just wrote a wink face cuz I didnt get the impression that he complimented me, he just commented the action ( I think). To make this short: I dont know what he expects from me now- to start writting or what. Because I dont want to show off as needy. I also chat with others and have a life outside him. I’m just confused about this date thing (it would be our first date) quetioning myself if he is shy, waiting for my move or is this simple his dating tactic.

  74. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Katie, I’m a little confused. Are you asking him out and planning the dates? I don’t know how many dates you’ve had over what period of time, so I’m a little in the dark, but here are my thoughts. You can’t have it both ways. If you want a man to initiate, don’t initiate anything at the start of dating. Next time, from the moment you connect, let the man lead, ask you out and set up dates. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. In this situation, sounds like you are now in a rhythm. Changing things might not be possible with this man. The only suggestion is to tell him you find it a turn on when a guy asks you out and plans the date. If he does like and want to please you, he’ll step up. But, he could be a beta guy who is happy to follow your lead. He may or may not be casual. If you’re tired of leading, he’s not the man for you. But you can give this suggestion a try to see how it goes. Nothing to lose.

  75. Katie

    Hi Ronnie! I found your page because I’m dating a guy my age (I’m 29) who leaves much of the date “planning” up to me. He does offer suggestions for things when I can’t come up with stuff, and he takes into account the things he’s found out I like so we have done a few dates that he knew I’d be into. But I asked him the other night why he tends to push the initiating in my direction. He basically implied that it’s to do with putting the ball in my court. This conversation was had after intercourse where I think he felt a little…Not confident in how he performed. He seems pretty shy and maybe a little insecure, but overall he’s very sweet, attentive, and consistent. After I asked him that, though, the next day he took hours to reply to my texts. Normally, he’s very consistent and replies within an hour unless he’s at work. Should I stop asking HIM out and start making myself less available? I do like him and don’t want to drive him away, but I can’t help it if he’s too insecure to step up to my level. I’m fairly certain he also likes me (bought tickets for a concert couple months away, saying he hopes I’ll be there with him) but I think it may be too soon to have a “what do we want out of this” talk. I don’t want a casual relationship. Any advice? Thanks!

  76. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sellena, There are a few things about men and dating that will help you understand these situations better. 1) The point of dating is to gather data about men to discover if they are right for you. You learned neither of these men were serious. When men fall away, that’s a good thing. They are doing you a favor before you get too involved. Also, if a man wants you to be available 24/7, he’s simply the wrong man. 2) When a man invites you to his house on the first date – he just wants to get you into bed. He’s not serious about love, so avoid men like this. 3) There is a “shelf life” for a man’s interest. When a man asks you out and you can’t make it, don’t leave it at that. Respond with “I’d love to but I’m not free that night. What about Thursday?” (mention another night when you are free). This gives him the positive feedback that you are interested and when you are available to meet. Some men have become sensitive to a woman who is busy -it seems like rejection. That’s why I suggest the specific words I shared above.

  77. Sellenna

    I had two men stop talking to me after they tried to make a date with me and I told them I was busy. One of them invited me to see him play in a band at a club, and I couldn’t make it because I had to work that night. The other one emailed me around Christmas Eve, when I was out of town visiting a relative. He invited me to his house. Naturally, I couldn’t do it because I was thousands of miles away.

    Neither of them spoke to me again. Was this because I wasn’t needy/desperate/available enough for them? It seems to me that so many guys in the dating world expect you to have no life of your own and be available 24/7 for them. Even if they don’t want a serious relationship with you. Any information would be helpful. Thanks very much.=)

  78. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Denise, If you are going to date, you will discover how much it helps to not get attached to a man before he proves himself. This will help you manage your emotions as you will likely go through this a number of times. It’s just part of dating. Is it rude? Sure, but that’s how it is. There’s nothing you can do to avoid it. So next time it happens don’t let it impact your sanity – chalk it up to how some people don’t know what they want. He probably got distracted by any number of things including other women. One thing I can guarantee is you won’t teach him a lesson or get him to change, so why even go there? I know it stinks, but let it go and move on to find another man who is interested. That’s the very best thing you can do if you are serious about finding love.

  79. Denise

    Hi Ronnie,

    I went out on a great first date and he indicated he wanted to see me again saying goodbye and texted me shortly after I got home reiterating that. He sent me several messages over the next few days and we started planning our second date with specifics. He asked if I was free this week and what we should do and I said that sounded great and let him know when I was free and never heard back. I’m just confused why he put in the effort into letting me know he was interested then just disappears. I also want to text him to let him know that it’s rude to do that to people for my own sanity. Thoughts?

  80. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lilian, There isn’t much you can do – either he wants to see you or he doesn’t. I would stop answering his texts and fade away. You aren’t looking for a texting buddy right. It’s very possible he’s not ready to date, given he ran into his ex and now hasn’t asked you out again. You don’t need to help him get over her or wait for that either – that’s a recipe for heartbreak.

  81. Lilian

    Hi Ronnie. I had 2 dates with this guy, the first one was excellent and the second one was going well, we’re dancing salsa on a club and his ex shows up, he started feeling uncomfortable and I told him if he diditn wanted to be there that we could go, and we leaved. He took me home and he kissed me twice. We’re still texting and he ask me about my day, but is not asking me out again. I’m not waiting for him, I’m dating other guys, but I like this one. What you I do?

  82. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lesley, He might not be ready to date or not in any hurry. Women always want the second date quickly, but men’s sense of timing is different. If it’s been a year it’s not too soon for him to date but, each person’s grieving process is different. What I find interesting is that you would rather date a man more than 20 years your senior than meet someone online? If you don’t know how to make the most of online dating I can help with coaching or have a self-learning program that could help. Statistically 30% of couples meet online now. It works! You deserve a man who has plenty to live for rather than someone who wants to reminisce about where he grew up 70 years ago. Life has so much to offer at any age if you are willing to go get it. Whether you choose me or another coach or program, learn how to use the web and apps so you can find the love you deserve.

  83. Lesley

    Hi Ronnie, a man who I have known as a client (he’s always been chatty and friendly) surprised me by asking me out to lunch. He is more than 20 years older than me (I am 52). I accepted then googled his name and found out his wife died last year. We went out and I think it went very well. He told me about his wife’s death and how this was his first date since he was 15 (he only had 1 girlfriend and married young). Then we went for a drive around and he showed me where he grew up, and he talked about places we might go in the future but n firm plans. I said you have my number and he said you have mine too. Called me the next day and mentioned doing something later in the week but, no firm plan. Would like to see him again but disconcerted by lack of plan. Maybe he’s not really ready for dating or not really interested and I don’t want to appear anxious or pushy so I am not calling him. Nor do I want to keep my time open just in case. I try online dating though I actually felt relieved to go on a date with someone I kind of “knew” a little.

  84. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    HI – yes, it’s best to wait because then you’ll know how long it took him to ask you out again. If it takes weeks, then he’s not serious about you. If it’s with one week, he’s more interested. Try not to chase him based on how he seemed interested. Let him take his time so you can know who you are really dealing with. It’s not easy to wait but it tends to work out better.

  85. Itu

    Hi Ronnie
    I went on a blind date with a guy last week, he called and asked me out for dinner, we chatted and seemed to get along really well. He’s 42 and divorced with 2 kids . I’m 33 and never been married. After the dinner he asked if we can have another date and I agreed but nothing concrete was set in terms of when the next date would be. The next day I didn’t hear from him but then called the day after and we spoke for nearly 2 hours. I haven’t heard from him for a few days and I’ve also remained silent because I don’t want to seem desperate. Should I wait on him to contact me or should I move on?

  86. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Tasha, I know this is hard but the key to everything is that he’s not divorced and not ready for a relationship. This is why I recommend NOT dating separated men. They aren’t ready. He’s confused, his life is a mess and this is not the time for a relationship. So he has nothing to give you which is why he probably pulled away. When a man’s life is a mess, he can’t have a healthy relationship.

    So, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t wonderful – he’s simply not capable of what you want and he knows it, so he pulled away. It’s so difficult when two people click but have a different agendas. As soon as a man says he wants to “hangout” BEWARE. Hanging out is the signal a guy gives when he doesn’t want to be serious. You will get over this and I’m sure there’s a better man out there when you feel ready to look.

  87. Tasha

    Two months ago I met a man on a dating website I knew of him from high school, but we were never friends. He did tell me he was separated, I wasn’t thrilled with this, but figured I’d give him a chance. We saw each other 2-3 times a week over the next month. We had a great time every time we met up. He called me and text me constantly. Everything seemed to be going well. One night he calls me and tells me I’m amazing and if we take things slow we can have an amazing relationship. I agreed. His behavior over the next few days didn’t match what he said. He seemed distant and cold. Finally I asked him if he meant what he said on the phone. He said “I guess so” but, said his life is a mess and I’m the right person just the wrong time. I told him that I’m there for him and he communicated for a few more days, but the conversation was different. Four days later he texted saying he’s not looking for something long term at the moment, but I’m amazing, he wants to remain friends and he doesn’t want to lose me from his life. I tell him I understand and I value his friendship. A week goes by and he calls me telling me how he appreciates me and wants to hang out Sunday which came and went and I never heard from him. I’m very hurt and confused because he is the one that pursues me. I really do like him and that is what makes this situation worse. If I’m so wonderful there should be no reason as to why he did not contact me!

  88. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, I think it’s safe to say after a year, if he hasn’t asked you out, he’s not going to. He probably enjoys talking to you and flirting with you, but he has a girlfriend. (Or there is some other reason.) Buddy is not a romantic nickname right? So yes, it’s time to let go and move on. As a rule of thumb, if a guy doesn’t ask you out within a couple of weeks of meeting you (or within 7 days online or on the apps) he doesn’t plan on it for whatever reason. So, in the future if this happens with another guy, now you know not to hang out and hope for too long.

  89. Sarah

    Hello, so I knew this guy for a year we’ve been good friends and have too much in common. But we’ve been nothing but FRIENDS and he used to hint me sometimes that he has a gf. Last week we were talking and asked me to go out with him this week but didnt precisely say where or when. I really like this guy but I don’t get him. After asking me out he talks to me casually and calls me “buddy” and never talked again about going out. Should I move on and let it go? Why did he asked me out if he isn’t planning to do it?

  90. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Mira, Unfortunately, you can’t learn other people’s lessons for them. Sounds like you tried to tell her. So all you can do is be there for her when he does ghost. Remind her that he wasn’t a quality guy and that it helps to hold off getting attached too quickly until a man shows he’s worthy of her love. There’s plenty of stuff on the web about this and on my blog too. Just be prepared she may not listen but you are a good friend for trying.

  91. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Myrtle, Men often show up out of the blue because they are bored, lonely, broke up with another woman or thought abut you and got curious. Just remember that he’s still the same guy who never called again after you refused to kiss him. I guess what I’m saying is that his reaching out doesn’t mean he’s suddenly super interested. So don’t read much into it.

  92. Myrtle

    Hi! I went on a date with this guy, everything was good, but he asked me could i kiss you and i said no, i just don’t do it on first dates. We said goodnight but he never contacted me again for 6 months and suddenly today, he asked me out, what to do? Why suddenly?

  93. Mira

    Hi Ronnie, I met this guy at a party last year. He asked my friend out, but my friend broke contact after 2 dates, saying he was clearly not interested in her. He showed no effort, no courtesy, he just wanted attention. The guy approached me a couple months later, we met once, had fun, then I never heard from him again. Obviously, I was a bit disappointed, but moved on quickly, dated other guys etc. Now, he’s asked out another friend of mine. They went on a date to the same place he took my other friend and me… all red flags. I warned my friend several times to take him with a pinch of salt, but she’s already in love with him. I strongly feel like he’s about to ghost my friend as well, and I’m not sure how to help my friend get over him. I’m really worried she’ll be devastated if he disappears.

  94. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Katie, Women often blame themselves. He likely got distracted by his too busy life vs. something you did. That’s a sign he might not be the right man because finding love is not his priority. Something for you to think about – is finding love YOUR priority? If you are so busy that it takes a month to meet a man, that’s also a reflection on your life and schedule. I know work is a top priority, but if you want to find lasting love, you will need to make room in your calendar to be available. When a man comes along that you click with, you could lose him if you are too hard to schedule. For example in this situation, you said yes, but now can’t go. You could tell him Thursday would be better but is he free Friday? I don’t know if you have the freedom to say no to work in the future on occasion, but its something to think hard about. In this case, you could tell him about Thursday, but it seems he’s not that interested or available anyway. But for the right guy, this could be a turn off and so think about how you can possibly manage your time better to make room for love. When there’s a will, there’s usually a way. You might need firmer work boundaries or perhaps something else is happening here. Just think about it.

  95. Katie

    I went on a date with a guy I met through mutual friends a month ago and we seemed to really hit it off. However, we are both very busy people and it took us a month to plan that date (which ended up being late on a Wednesday night just to squeeze it in). Since that date, we’ve been texting nonstop but he never made plans to hang out again until this Sunday when he texted me, “Do you want to go to a winery on Friday evening” in which I replied, “Sure! Which winery do you want to go to?” only to receive a read receipt an hour later but no response. It’s now been 24 hours and no response and unfortunately I realized that I can no longer go on Friday because of a work event and would rather go on Thursday. Should I text him saying I unfortunately can no longer go on Friday or should I wait until he texts me back? Also, this is the longest amount of time he has ever gone without texting me back. Did I do something wrong by being too eager (despite the fact I don’t think I was too eager at all)? Please help me, I got out of a long term relationship over a year ago and am just now starting to date again, despite being absolutely clueless!

  96. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Gigi. Sounds a little suspicious to me. If he wanted to date you he could have taken the bus like he does to work. You might be right about him playing you. But time will tell. The best thing is just ignore the idea of dating him for now and don’t get your hopes up. If he was really into you, he wouldn’t let four months go by.

  97. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Natalie, Since you think he’s seeing someone else and “keeping you on ice”, it doesn’t matter what you wrote back. You aren’t going to wait around for him are you? This is one of the most important ideas – go meet men, but don’t hold your breath for some guy who puts you off till later. If you’re ready to date, READ about what works with dating today and understanding men. Whether you choose someone elses’s books or mine, you’ll learn what you need to know to avoid a broken heart, not waste time on the wrong men and find lasting love. My books are MANifesting Mr. Right which is a guide to how I found love and Is He The One? which gives you tons of insight into men. Or read someone else’s books.

  98. gigi

    Hi, My coworker asked me out 4 months ago but we didn’t go out. He just was talking to me when we ride the bus from work. I asked him, “Do you still want see me?” He said yes of course but I want our meeting come natural like now. So I said, “Oh just talk on the bus?” He said, “Yes or I can come to you.” Now after 4 months he asking me out again. He said, “Don’t think I don’t like you or aren’t interested because, because I don’t have a car, so it is hard to get around.” He”ll get his car next month. What should I do ? Go out with him? Or he is playing with me?

  99. Natalie

    Hi Ronnie,
    I had this crush on this guy who also had a crush on me, but I was married and he was in a relationship. When I was leaving my husband, we went out just once and he was jumping up and down when he found out that I am separating. When we were saying goodbye he shouted in the street, “don’t wait to call me 6 year to call me again!”. So I sent him a text 7 months later, when I finally left my husband. I texted him ” Hi X, Drinks this week, may be thursday?” he texted back “Hellooooo S, How are you?? I can’t do this thursday but definitely let’s fix something soon!”.
    To me it sounded as he is now dating someone but wants to keep me on ice also just in case. Otherwise he would have proposed an alternative day. So I just answered:”not too bad, sure”. what do you think?

  100. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jennifer, First of all it’s only been a day, so not enough information. But it sounds to me like you are in deep with this guy, without getting to exclusivity. So is there a way to keep from getting hurt? Doesn’t sound that way. There are no magic words-you know he’s seeing other women. You could start dating other men which will take your mind off this guy until you get to exclusivity with one of them. I’m not suggesting you should sleep with other men – that’s up to you. Or you could tell him other men who are asking you out and you wonder what you should tell them. This is a subtle way of opening the conversation about taking down profiles and letting him know you are in the game. If he doesn’t say anything about taking down profiles and exclusivity, then you know that’s not his agenda.

  101. Jennifer

    Hi I’ve been seeing this guy for a month, we met online. The chemistry is amazing and we’ve also been intimate. I really like this guy and I know he likes me just not sure on the level I do. He texts every morning and through the day and talk on the phone at times. We see each other once a week. He is the dating site I assume keeping his options open which I don’t care for, but it’s still early. He told me he is good with me but we haven’t discussed exclusivity so I have no leg to stand on. He called last night before bed and I got my usual morning text a little later than normal. He asked about my plans for today and tomorrow. I said no big plans for tonight but something tomorrow. No response, 4 hours later I texted about his day -still nothing. This is the first time I haven’t gotten a response for hours. Is he talking to someone new ? Soon to ghost me? Not sure that’s my instinct talking or more my insecurities. Is there some way to ask where I stand to keep from getting hurt? Or keep him interested? I tend to over think and read way too much into everything. Thank you.

  102. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Aileen, Good for you – don’t pursue him! If he wants to see you he knows your number. If he doesn’t contact you that tells you EVERYTHING you need to know about how he feels about you or perhaps dating overall. Don’t bother with men who don’t ask you out. It’s a recipe for heartbreak and disaster. There are plenty of men out there – go mingle and get online.

  103. Aileen

    Hi, last Saturday I went out with a group to a comedy club. I was meeting a guy as a potential date. There was a lot of physical chemistry and good conversation. It was hard to have a big convo since we were trying to listen to the comedians. He was sick and kept taking NyQuil. We ended up being touchy-feely and he held my hand. He gave me a hug as we exited the car and then immediately texted me saying it was great meeting me and I said the same. I got his cold on Easter and Monday night texted to thank him for the cold. We flirted and he said we should go out again when we’re not sick. I flirted back but kept it short. It’s Wednesday and I’m not sure what to think? I’m back in the dating game after 16 yes of marriage so I feel rusty. I don’t want to pursue him. What do you think? Is it too soon?

  104. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Leah, A lot of times women think they have mutually agreed. But often the man is just agreeing without intention of following through. This is why its not good to initiate as the woman. You know a man is serious when he asks and then follows through. When you ask and he agrees, you don’t really know anything until he does what this man did – full of excuses. Why would you ever bother with him again in the future should he text you? He’s already proven he is unreliable. My advise is to move on and block him from future texts.

  105. Leah

    Hi Ronnie! Great article. I met a divorced man 3 years ago at a festival, we work there every year (both of us are in our mid 40s). This year I asked for his number – we agreed we’d be up for a casual relationship. Neither of us are interested in serious dating. Once a week flirty texting ensued, I asked him if he was free the following weekend, he agreed. Then it was like we never agreed. When I tried to confirm, he hedged. Said he might have to spend time with his adult daughter. So I casually asked the following weekend. He’s working. Now, if I just ask him how he is, he gets defensive with 50 reasons why he’s so busy. I have stopped initiating text conversation. He never even gave it a try. Since I don’t know much about his life, if he suddenly pops back up in a week or a month and expresses interest again, do I not answer at all or give him a chance? Not sure how to handle ‘future me’. In the meantime I’m going on other dates and try to ignore it.

  106. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Camilla, When a man does this – misses the window of opportunity that you have clearly spelled out – what do you think that means? He doesn’t care enough. That’s it and there is no other explanation worth discussing. If he’s too busy or his family took up too much time – its all blah blah blah. Having a great time with a man and a long date does not mean he wants to build something with you. Even when they say they do. His actions conflict with his words and that’s your signal that he’s not the right man. This is how you sort out men who are not serious about you. The best thing you can do for yourself is let it go and move on. It was fun so, enjoy the fun memories and leave it at that. Not everything turns into something.

  107. Camilla

    Hi Ronnie,
    I matched with a guy online who is working in Florida for a few months. I visit Florida several times in the winter so we met up a month ago. We both traveled an hour from our cities to meet eachother in the middle. We had a wonderful first date, lasted 7 hours! Went to the zoo, dinner, then bar hopping. I planned out the day. Had the best time, it felt like I had known him my whole life. We kissed at the end of it and traveled back to our homes, he made sure I got home safe. We had plans to see eachother a few days after, his turn to plan and he did his research: gave me 3 fun options to choose from in the city we meet halfway in. Unfortunately he canceled the day before and we were unable to see eachother the rest of the time I was there. We’ve texted here and there and he knows I’ll be back in Florida next week. His job is very unpredictable and he mentioned his family was visiting that weekend. I told him I would be around Monday and asked if his parents would still be around and he said no, but made no plans. A few days later he says “can we hang out again already please???” In which I respond “I’ll be around that Monday after your family leaves! We’re definitely overdue”. No response. What gives?! I’m spelling it out for him, do I reach out again when I get to Florida?

  108. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Really good question Eva. He’s showing you that he’s not ready or unreliable. Neither one of those characteristics is part of being your Mr. Right. So, if he does bring it up or asks you out again, you can simply say you’d rather keeps things friendly to avoid awkwardness. It might still be awkward but, not as bad if you went out with him a few times and then he ghosted.

  109. Eva

    Hi Ronnie,
    So I met this guy at the gym. He asked for my number after a few weeks of smiling at each other. We have chit chatted between sets and know a little about each other. I think he might be younger than me. He asked me out for a Saturday night and said he’d confirm by Wed with plans. He ended up cancelling due to family plans and asked to reschedule for the following Saturday. He was extremely apologetic and seemed really sweet and sincere when I saw him next. Since then, I haven’t seen him at the gym and he hasn’t texted. It’s Thursday now and he hasn’t confirmed the date. My concern is should I even go out with him? I love my gym and wouldn’t want either of us to be uncomfortable if it flopped. Please advise! Thanks!

  110. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cynthia, Sadly, you cannot make a man want to date you. So even though he suggested another day, he didn’t follow through. That automatically makes him the WRONG MAN because the right man would WANT to SEE YOU. he last thing you want to do is push him, nudge him or chase him. It doesn’t work! And even if he did go out with you again, you would likely become the one who always had to initiate everything. Most women get really tired of dong that so things don’t work out. His lack of follow through shows he’s either not ready for a relationship or maybe…you weren’t quite what he was looking for. Don’t think for a minute you did anything wrong. It just happens that way. You can have a good time with someone but that doesn’t mean it will automatically proceed. There will be others!

  111. Cynthia

    Hey Ronnie.
    I met a guy online and we exchanged numbers. We went on a date and we had so much fun. The next day I sent me a text and told him I had so much fun he replied. We barely text but when we do he is very respectful and always reply. 2 weeks after the first date he sent me a text asking if I would like to go out with him again sometime. I said yes just tell me when and it’s been a week after that and I haven’t heard anything from him. What should I do.
    Thank you beforehand

  112. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Emy, He’s not setting up more dates so that is all you need to know. This is what you have to get clear about -if he were serious about you – he’d want to see you! He’s set up dates, call to talk, text etc. But he’s not answering quickly and dragging things out so of course it’s driving you crazy. He’s showing you he’s not the one even though you could open up quickly. Actually opening up quickly might not be the best thing any way. It takes time to get to know anyone. So just keep meeting men. This guy is not the one.

  113. Emy

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve just met someone on a dating site, and to be honest I wasn’t expecting something serious from there, but we’ve matched, and we’ve started talking a lot. We have some common things that could make things become more serious in the future. We had a first date and everything went amazing, I was able to talk with him in a way I cannot talk with a lot if people, which in my case is rare, because I can’t open up that quick. Then everything seemed okay, he texted me right after, but, slowly he started answering slower but every time he was the answer was nice. Sometimes he is answering really slowly, sometimes not. He is not pushing me away like this but neither asking me to go out or we can’t reach more interesting information. It’s driving me crazy, this situation, and it’s even more crazy that I had that amazing feeling when I was with him for the first time like it was the place to be. What should I do? Just wait? I really like the guy!

  114. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Elizabeth, No do not ask. You already asked about his week’s plans and he told you. That was his opportunity to ask you out but sadly, he didn’t. I hate to say this but he may have just wanted to get you into bed. Since he’s done that, he could be moving on. Your best bet is to go on with your life and set up plans with friends. Or go meet other men. If he pops back in and shows he’s serious about you with regular dates, great! But likely dating him may have run it’s course. In the future, know that when a guy offers to cook you dinner, he plans on sex with you for dessert.

  115. Elizabeth

    Hi Ronnie,

    A month ago I matched with a bumble guy who went to the same uni, although we never spoke and he had a girlfriend. We have met three times now (1st for a drink which led to dinner, to play mini golf, and most recently he invited me to his for a home cooked meal and I ended up staying the night. We always have a great time, good chemistry and text nearly every day. He has always been first to follow up after meeting to say he had a nice time too.

    My dilemma is that after I left in the morning, he mentioned getting together the following week and I agreed and we said we would work it out. A few days have passed, I asked him what he’s up to this week and he told me his plans. I let him know mine too but, he hasn’t yet asked which day we could meet and is being allusive. Previously he outright asked me ‘are you free on Monday’? Should I just ask him when he is free and suggest something we could do?

  116. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, My take on this guy is he’s lazy or not that into you. He’ll do whatever is easy. If you’re there he’ll go for a kiss. But he never set another date and cancelled the first one. He’s slow in responding too – another sign of not being into you enough. So to answer your question, not kissing him is not the cause – it started before the second party. This is who he is. Do not blame yourself. Just move on. There are plenty of other guys and you deserve to be with one who sees you as a great catch!

  117. Sarah

    Hi Ronnie! Firstly I loved your article, lots of useful advice! Secondly I also have a problem, I kissed a guy at a party who asked me out the next day, we did set a date for the next Friday but on the day he cancelled because he said he had to work late. After this we texted a bit but never re-scheduled another date because we were going to see each other at another party the next week. He tried to kiss me and I sort of rejected him (only because I didn’t want to make our friends feel awkward) and then he started flirting with other girls. Now I’m wondering if this a mistake and now he thinks I’m not that into him?! He also takes long time to text me back, and hasn’t suggested we meet again. Is he not that into me, playing games or just worried about rejection?! Many thanks, Sarah

  118. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, Do NOT ask a guy when he wants to see you after just two dates. That’s something you might ask after 8 dates – but it’s too early for and will make you look desperate or like you are chasing him. Go ahead and make plans with your friends and don’t wait for a man who travels. He might travel a lot of it might be a great excuse to hold women off. Either way he’s not going to be available often so keep your own life rich and filled with fun activities and look for other men to date.

  119. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Graziella, Good for you for being bold and flirty! It’s nice that he responded. However, just because he was taken with your flirting, doesn’t mean he wants to date you. Men can be flattered, romantic and curious, but you are right – he’s on whatsapp so he could certainly ask you out again if he wanted to. It might have felt fun and exciting in the moment to ask you out but, you may not be his type. So don’t worry that you weren’t free one time. That’s not a turn off at all. For a man who is interested, that’s a challenge and can increase interest. My recommendation is to keep flirting with men – but do it because it’s fun. You never know who might respond, you’ll enjoy the exchanges and become more comfortable relying on your feminine charm. This will serve you on your journey to find love with the right man.

  120. Sarah

    Hi Ronnie
    I have been in two dates with this guy I really like. He’s been overseas for a short time but is coming back this weekend for just the two days before going interstate to work again. He says stuff like “see you soon” but like your post says, he is ‘vague’ about specifically asking to see me when he is back. Should I ask him when he wants to see me or should I wait for him to ask? My friends are making plans to hang out and I’m not sure if I want to go with them in case he asks to see me since I won’t know when I’ll get to see him again after he leaves for work. Is this too much investment? And my main question is if I should ask him for specific day and time? He always pulls through when we do set a date.

  121. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Karolina,
    What is the point of calling him out? Do you just want to be right? OK you are right. I can say you will no “teach him a lesson” or correct his behavior and he will not ask you out after that. But you will create an uncomfortable situation. Best to leave it be, be cordial but distant and just know he’s not the man for you.

  122. Graziella

    Hi Ronnie, I went to breakfast and walked over to the counter with pastry. This handsome man was sitting next to the counter, reading a paper. I don’t now what came over me, but I asked him to recommend me his favourite cake. He was very nice and we talked for a minute – then I sat at a table. I smiled and he smiled back at me.( I can’t believe I was so courageous but I wrote a note on paper, “thanks for your recommendation, the cake was just delicious!” with my number. Then I passed by his table and gave him my”love letter”. He texted half an hour later, saying he was delighted I enjoyed the cake, then messaged again asking me out for a drink the same evening. I had to turn him down since I had had plans. He seemed disappointed and suggested next week, but did not make plans. I texted him today and asked a question and he replied, but didn’t ask me any questions. I don’t want to keep messaging him, so I wait for him to ask me out again. I realized he’s online on whatsapp every 20 minutes but doesn’t text me. Did he lose interest because I wasn’t free Saturday? Thanks!

  123. Karolina

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met this guy in my university but we’ve talked only during lectures or classes, he’s not that social media type, then he asked me out and said he’ll “give the details on weekend” and never did – busy with studying (it was intense week indeed) but “We will get it some different time?” then we both went on Christmas break and he never texted or anything. We were talking again in the class last week and he didn’t mention it at all. I feel like I should call him out on this behaviour but I don’t know how 🙁 should I text him that he missed a chance after all or what? Please help

  124. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Sarah – its all in he post where you put this comment. He’s not into you enough. Why are you waiting for a man who talks to other women more and keeps cancelling? You deserve better treatment. A guy who is really interested DOES NOT ACT THIS WAY! A month is too long – move on and do not respond. If you see him you can smile and be cordial, but don’t waste any more time on this one.

  125. Sarah

    Hi. I’ve liked this guy for a while now. He asked me out a few weeks ago. We haven’t gone in a date yet because he’s been busy. Every time we reschedule it he has something and we have to change the date. This has been happening for about a month now. He also talks to other girls more then me, he barely spends any time with me and never texts me first. I am the one that always has to text first and I’m the only one asking questions. We haven’t gone on a date yet and he tells me that he loves me. He’s giving me a bunch of mixed signals. I was hoping you could help me understand.

  126. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, It seems you answered your own question. You can’t even meet for coffee after months! He has no time and he’s not making any effort. You don’t need to see him in person or confront him. Everything you need you already know. It really is that simple. Let it be that simple and move on.

  127. Sarah

    I have been talking to this guy for months who is consumed with work and school. We’re both busy people. However, he wants to see me or hang out even for coffee. He seemed upset he didn’t get to see me for my birthday, but he’s too busy. He makes plans but he never follows through. I confronted him about where this whole thing is going and he says he’s not sure at this point but he’s leaving it up to me and knows he hasn’t been doing right. I told him how I felt (I like him), which was my way of giving him the opportunity to tell me how he feels but he didn’t, he just said he’d rather talk in person. So does he likes me or not? I’m confused. If he knows he hasn’t done right by me, then why isn’t he doing anything to change it? Should I talk with him in person or just continue through text? Let’s face it, we can’t even meet for coffee.

  128. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi A, I think he was just checking to see if you are dating anyone (the two ticket joke got him his answer) and if you might till be interested in him. Most likely he needed an ego boost or was simply curious. So not sure how honest he was about actually getting you a ticket. I wouldn’t expect much from him. He’s already proven unreliable right?

  129. A.

    Hi! So my ex and I started talking again and he invited me to see his play. I said that would be fun but I’m kind of busy. He said come when you are free but just let me know. I let him know what week I was free, he said it was sold out but he would check if he could get a ticket for me anyway. Then he joked about “or maybe I’ll Get u 2 tickets so you can bring a date or something ha ha.” I was confused by his words and didn’t reply. I just said ha ha get me one ticket. We haven’t spoken since and I don’t know which day I can see him. We haven’t seen each other in 4 years. What did he mean and why is he acting like this? He was the one who invited me and I didn’t expect anything out of our chatting.

  130. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Bri, Not sure why you are confused. He asked you to hang out (which over 30 is not a good sign, but younger makes more sense) and then picked a day and an activity. That’s not vague. All you need to do is say what movie, theater and time. Then it’s a date. AS to your question about what it means, it means you have a date? Tehre’s nothing deeper going on here that I can tell.

  131. Bri

    So I’ve been talking to someone for almost three weeks now. He asked if I knew about ‘us’ i didn’t understand what he had meant until I responded with the same question … And then he told me he thought I was cute. Then I said I had a thing for him for quite some time. He then responded with asking us to ‘hangout’ Iasked when he could and he immediately said Friday and asked to go to a movie. What does this mean?

  132. Dominique

    Thank you Ronnie. That is exactly what I have been doing. He has tried to make conversation with me, but I just answer and keep walking away. Wish I didn’t keep thinking about it.

  133. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Dominique,
    My advice is to be cordial but cool. I would not let him know he upset you because that gives him power. Why tell him? If he was concerned about your feelings, he never would have treated you so disrespectfully. So any comment you make will not change his behavior. Why show your vulnerability? Show strength and say nothing, but stay away from him. You can say hi but, don’t bother making conversation.

  134. Dominique

    Hi Ronnie
    My date flaked.. I work with this guy. (I know big mistake) we went out a couple of times and after a couple of months I asked if he wanted to go out again. He said yes and we confirmed a day and then he blew me off. (then I saw a picture of him online with someone else I guess the reason for the blow off) While I understand people like who they like. But it was rude and disrespectful for him not to cancel. We are co-workers and friends at the very least. I blocked his number and will not go out with him if he asks to go out again – this is not the first time he did this. But I do see him every day and we do work together. How do I handle this? How do I act towards him? What would be appropriate when I see him considering I am obviously annoyed with his disrespectful behavior?

  135. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Partygirl, It’s time to learn about boundaries, build self respect and create rules about how you want to be treated by men. This guy doesn’t respond to you and yet you keep after him. Why? Don’t chase men or prompt them to ask you out by telling him when you have a day off. You want to be with a guy who WANTS to see you and makes time for you. This guy doesn’t respond – that’s enough to show you he doesn’t care about you. But then he tells you he wants to see you mid-week. That means he has other woman who rate above you who he’ll see on the weekend! I”m sorry to be the one to tell you this but when a man leaves you hanging – that’s your clue he isn’t that interested so stop waiting around for that to change because i won’t.

  136. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Raquel – A player is a player is a player. He enjoys women and likes seeing himself as Mr. Romantic. Why would he change his ways for you? No way! Don’t put your hopes on his guy and if you’re smart you’ll block him on your phone because he will never become your monogamous boyfriend. If you want to avoid heartbreak, stop communicating and move on – he is NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.

  137. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Elisa, It might be really helpful to slow down and think about this. You texted him and he wouldn’t respond so 2 things come to mind. 1) Why are you initiating contact after just a few dates? Your bet bet with any man is to let him lead for the first 4-6 dates at a minimum. That’s the only way to know if a man is genuinely interested. And he even told you he felt pressured.

    2) He didn’t respond! Who needs a guy who won’t respond and is vague about dates. In addition his idea about a romantic date means he hopes to have sex. But I don’t see one thing here that proves he’s serious about you. Don’t judge a man by how often he texts or the nice thing he says. The only thing that matters is his actions to spend time together, respect you and get to know you. He’s not THAT guy for sure so yes you are wasting your time. I encourage you to learn some restraint – hold back from contacting men before you know you are “an item”. Let the man initiate in the beginning if you want to find lasting love.

  138. elisa

    I met this guy three months ago on a dating site. We texted for a little while, then we met, he said that he really liked me and that i was charming etc and asked me to meet again. We met another couple of times…he was really nice and we kissed and flirted …then he actually disappeared for three days and would not respond to my messages. He reappeared as if nothing happened and when i asked him why he disappeared like that he said that he felt that i was going too fast and that i was putting pressure on him. We continued texting ever since…We also exchange photos every three of four days for a couple of weeks and then he told me that he wants to have a romantic date with me but he didn t precise when and where and i didn t ask him for details out of fear of pressing him… Am i only wasting my time?

  139. Raquel

    Hi Ronnie, this guy I knew for a while and hes a little womanizer , highly attractive and very respectful person but he never ask other girls out he only asked me because I knew I am different, spicy and strong woman so we were dating we were planning to do an initial sex to see how much we like each other….I normally dont..(just see what hes all about) but later in that night we didnt do it because we had a little agrue briefly about something else and we still had to slept in a same bed. In the next morning I heard him come sneak in and kisses on my cheek near my lips twice it like a few sec between it was very warm ,lingering longer ,soft passoniately while I was asleep I can felt his presence then he leaves…why he wont do that while I am awake? He never call, no text for 3 years. I didnt do any attempts to contact him. Now he texted and check on me if I am single??! I pretended I had a boyfriend (just broke up) and he told me he would like to see me again somewhere soon or later it was little vague ..what does he want from me? Get know me more or hes finally got serious and ready for love? So whats your thoughts on that?

  140. Partygirl

    Hi Ronnie !

    So I met this guy online we talked 3 weeks and then met. He bailed 2hrs before meeting me, he never made the next move to meet again so I told him it was my off on that day and we met up. First date was fun. After, I tend to fall asleep while texting him due to overworking so I noticed he starts to ignore me. He never initiated a second date so I tried telling him it was my day off again so he said we should meet. For the second date he was stiff but we still laughed. At the end we hung out in the park and cuddled but it was awkward since I didn’t saw it coming. He gave me a peck kiss. Before going home he said it’s good that we hang out middle of the week so I assume he might want to hang out next week. But he replies to my texts 5 or 10hrs. later. I understand he’s busy, but really? So I’m just left hanging.

  141. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi G – this man is stringing you along and wasting your time. If he wanted to go on regular dates, he’d be asking you. On occasion he makes a cheap date but then continues to be vague or forget or mess up. Don’t bother with this guy – you are going no where. Hes not trying to impress you or win you over. He’s just biding his time until he can get your suit off in his hot tub. I urge you to move on. A quality guy wants to please you and doesn’t make vague plans or excuses. Don’t put up with this kind of treatment. The beginning is when things are the best – this is his best! I would say this indicates he’s not that interested. Texting is easy and lazy – read this post for more insights. Sorry, but he’s not worth your time.

  142. G

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve been texting with a guy that I met on a dating app. We texted daily and he’d make vague plans about a first date but never actually invite me anywhere. We both love dogs so I told him I was going to a dog event and he should go too. That was our first date. I mentioned going to a cafe afterwards and he asked for a raincheck. We picked a day and time . We text daily like normal and i don’t confirm the date. Timeframe passes with no message and I’m annoyed. I exercise empathy and ask if everything is okay. He says he’s sick. No suggestion to reschedule. A week goes by and we continue texting . I finally tell him directly I enjoy texting but also want to see him in person. I mention seeing xmas lights and a couple of days later we go see lights. He then suggests we see lights at a different spot and picks a date, but he forgets it’s thanksgiving so he can’t go. More daily texting but no plans. Throughout our texts, he’s casually mentioned having my dog meet the rest of his dogs at his place and for me to have my bathing suit handy so that when there’s a cold night we could use the hot tub in his yard. I’d love to hear your insights. Thanks!

  143. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sheila – He wanted to meet you but you put him off so he probably found a woman who would go on a date. Why did you hesitate? & days of messaging is plenty – then go meet in a safe public place. Texting is not dating so don’t hold back!

  144. Shiela

    Hi. I’ve been talking to this guy through messenger for like more than a month already. Both of us have always a good conversations and even after a week of messaging each other he’s asking me to meet up, but Im kinda hesitant since it’s too early, he understand it and told me he doesn’t want to rush things. So we continue to exchange messages and we both enjoying it. He is always curious about meeting me in person but I keep telling him that there is time for that but he always fine about it. But 2weeks ago we were just having a good conversation then suddenly he’s no longer that so responsive with exchanging to my messages. So I tried to ask him in casual way on when can we meet then he told me anytime whenever I want. I told him there’s a new good movie which maybe we can watch together. And he said he’s fine with it. It’s probably on weekend but no real confirmation. He is not messaging me now and I dont want to send a message first. So Im kinda confused and curios why he suddenly pull back on texting me when haven’t had any misunderstanding?Does he lost his interest on me?Should I still continue the movie date on weekend?

  145. Dominique

    Thank you. I was thinking the same. He said yes and then gave me a day. Should I feel confident that he really wants to go? Don’t want to look like a fool.. 🙂

  146. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Dominique – Why are you thinking he has to come up with the details? YOU asked HIM out so YOU need to pick a place, set a time etc. You might not have to pay – see what he does when the bill comes, but he might expect it so don’t be surprised.

  147. Dominique

    I went on a couple of dates with this guy in the past. I work with him. He has been flirting but did not ask me out. I asked him if he would like to go out again after about 2 months He said “I can’t now, I wish I could, but the answer is yes. A couple of days later I texted him something funny and asked when. He said Friday. I said that should work. No other details. Do I have a date or not? and should I ask him to confirm a time and place or wait?

  148. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, Good for you for blocking him! That man had no intention of dating you. He was just stringing you along. A man who is genuinely interested will find time to see you – no excuses. Tath’s a way to separate the game players from the men with real potential. My dating advice is to not FB and text with men longer than 7 days without a date to avoid getting attached and then heartbroken by men who just want a fantasy girlfriend.

  149. Sarah M

    This guy added me on fb and started asking me about my personal life. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He would flirt and asked me out. But it was all vague. When I pulled away he would call and text. This went on for 6 months. After that I told to stop contacting me. I deleted him off fb and from phone. He begged to give a chance but I think I gave a lot of chances within 6 months. He said he wants to get to know me but I think 6 months was a lot to at least ask the girl out.
    What do you think?

  150. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Catali, You are probably right – he just wants to sleep with you. He did pursue you through your lunch date, but right there showed he was no gentleman making you walk to him. So that is not treating you well in my book. Once he pulled that nonsense of asking you to come to his friends and not following through, that’s your signal he’s flaky. Either he’s not that into you, just wants to sleep with you or whatever – he is showing you that he’s too casual for your taste. So I recommend moving on and ma happy to see you know enough about dating to do this. Good for you! You are on the right track. Don’t put up with poor treatment and inconsistency.

  151. JK

    Thanks Ronnie!
    He has since replied and asked me out on a second date (actual plans). I guess I wasn’t clear in the previous post but he constantly asked me out in that one month but I politely declined each time. He also asks me out to study with him a lot but I wasn’t sure what it meant.

  152. Catali

    Hi, Ronnie. I met this guy in a club and he asked my number. Next day he asked me to brunch but I couldn’t go. We rescheduled and everything went ok, the conversation flew and we were comfortable. Then next day he invited me for coffee and we talked and flirted. Then he texted asking me to sleep over at his place. I replied, “yeah, we’ll see…” Our next date was lunch, but I went the wrong place. He told me meet him at the right place once we figured it out instead of him coming to me. I found that rude but I went and we spent the day together. It was fun and he treated me well. Then we didn’t seen each other for a week. He said he might go to a friend’s on Saturday evening and i should join them. I said, “sounds good” and the last time I heard from him until now on Saturday at 8:30pm with a “what are you up to?”text! Whats wrong with him? Is he just playing to get what he wants and he will vanish after that? Is he really interested? Should I just walk away and move on? Or give him a go? I just don’t get it!

  153. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey JK,
    Remember he’s a guy who waited a MONTH to meet you for the first time. So he’s in no rush to see you again. If a man is genuinely interested, he MAKES time. Whether he’s in a power job, in college or whatever – men make time for what is important to them. So he’s not ready for a relationship and casual dating suits him. Sounds like you want more than a once a month guy so now you know he’s not the right one for you. You’re in college – their are countless guys – go find another! The picking is at its best right now.

  154. JK

    Hi so I met a guy on Tinder and he invited me out. We made plans but I had something come up so rescheduled again. We kept texting for a month whenever we had time (college) but he seemed pretty interested. We finally met and I thought we hit it off. At the end of the date he said that he would like to see me again sometime and sent me a text confirming this. I liked him enough so I sent a text back saying I would too. It’s been a few days and he hasn’t sent anything back. What does this mean?

  155. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Andrea, If you read this post then you know the guy you are interacting with is not serious about you. He might be too busy with school or not ready to date. A guy who wants to meet you has no excuses. He’s not vague or evasive. It’s nothing you did so don’t take on the blame – no need. When guys act like this, just move on ASAP. He’s going to waste your time and you leave yourself open to heart break. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy just that he’s not into dating right now.

  156. Andrea

    Hi, so I met a guy on Tinder and we exchanged snapchats and have been talking for about a month. The conversations we’ve had weren’t the most consistent since we both get pretty busy with university and everything so sometimes he doesn’t reply back for a couple of days but when he does he always says sorry and tells me why he’s been busy (i.e., studying for an upcoming midterm). Usually in the evenings though we’re both free and consistently reply to each other. I asked him when we’re finally gonna hangout (we’ve never actually met in person yet) and we started making vague-ish plans to go grab a bite to eat. He asked if I’ve been to this place nearby and I said I haven’t, and then asked me if I was free on Sunday in which I replied that I was free. He saw my reply but hasn’t said anything back. The Sunday passed and its been over a week now since we last talked and he still hasn’t said anything. Should I send him something asking him about it or just leave it and let it be? Idk if I did something wrong, if he’s suddenly not interested anymore or if he’s just been really busy?

  157. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lauren, I know you asked this a while ago but when a man asks you out and you want to go, the best thing to do is answer him! If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. But not telling him when you are free won’t help. Now could you ask him to call you? Sure! You can say, “Hey I’d love to hear your voice, let’s set this up by phone. When can you call?” Then see what he does. Hope everything worked out for you.

  158. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi CH – yes some people make a lot of idle promises. It stinks! But I hope next time you are on a first date with a man making big promises,you’ll be now be able to spot a guy who is just blowing smoke. Remember dating is a sorting process. Men need to prove themselves worthy of your interest so hold off on excitement about finding a great catch until you see he really is over time. I recommend my bestseller Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong which has nearly 50 games men play all spelled out so you can spot them quickly.

  159. CH

    Hi Ronnie
    Just dropping by to say thank you for the article. I went on a date the other week and there were a lot of promises made, the whole “if u go x, I’ll take u this restaurant”. “I take u around Z” ” I can cook a b c for you?”, “I can get cheap tix for a game next weekend” etc etc. At the end of the date, he said he’ll text and told me to keep in touch and nothing since. 3 days later, no texts from him but I kept my promise and asked if he is still interested to see a match I wad talking about on the date and he rejected the offer since he wanted to get his mate to come as well and I only have 2 tix. No texting since. All is nothing but cheap talk! Learnt a great lesson, harder to move on as I was attracted to him on the first sight but no, it should go.

  160. Lauren

    Hi, I met a guy via a dating app. We talked for a few days and then went on a date Thursday and had a good time. He said he would like to see me again and we set up something for Saturday. On Saturday he said he enjoyed spending time with me on both our dates and was asking about ideas for future dates (for ex. did I like bowling etc.) In between dates and after Saturday’s date, we texted. At the end of the day Monday, I asked how his day was and he said “Busy.” That’s it. The next day, I mentioned getting together again (as in, hey I’m making plans with friends and wondered if I was going to see you this week). I didn’t hear back for 24 hours. He apologized saying he got a job offer (previously mentioned looking for a new job) and was busy this week at his old job. He asked if we could do something early next week. I’m not sure if he is blowing me off, so I told him congrats on the new job but haven’t replied to his invite yet. What should I say? I’m afraid if I pick a day, he just won’t respond. Is it weird to ask him to call me over the weekend to set something up?

  161. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Faith, He probably is a nice guy and does wish something could work out. But as you have been thinking, he just doesn’t have the time. Or he’s not committed enough or ready to focus yet on his love life. So he’ll see you when he can squeeze it in or something better or more important comes up. Doesn’t mean he’s a “bad guy” but he sure isn’t available and he isn’t making you a priority. Sounds to me like this is wearing on you. You deserve to be with a man who makes time no matter how busy he is – that’s what mature men who are serious about love do. so if this isn’t working for you, just tell him. I doubt he’ll be surprised. My bet is you won’t be the first woman to dump him because of his schedule. Hopefully he’ll catch on at some point but it doesn’t seem like he’s quite ready. Luckily you only have three dates invested. My dating advice is to move on now.

  162. Faith

    I met this guy with an online app. He gave me his number and said we should set something up to meet. I asked to meet by text because I prefer not to prolong texting. Then tells me he’s going on vacation for a week and overseas for 3 weeks after that. He understands if I don’t want to wait. I said we can stay in contact but I’m keeping my options open. We text while he’s is away about getting together, but later he says he has to help his parents and we reschedule. We finally meet and at the end of the first date he sets up the next one. On our third date he shared he’s being sent overseas for work again. He finally admitted he hadn’t been honest because he knows he travels twice a month for work. He claims wants to make things work but values time with friends/family and always has something going on. He said he would let me know today about our plans for this week but never did I have tried to be understanding and I think he genuinely wants to balance everything but I question if he really can fit someone into his already busy schedule and make a relationship work.

  163. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ruby, Take a step back to think of this situation in another way. You tell me you don’t care if he doesn’t ask you out at this point. Then why would you care what he’s thinking? A better way to make dating decisions is to base them on how YOU are feeling. You don’t care any more so that’s your answer. He no longer holds your interest because he waffled on asking you out and left you feeling confused.

    The right man would NEVER do this. He would be clear in his desire to date you and would take steps to ask you out and spend time with you. So there’s your answer. It’s based on YOUR thoughts NOT HIS which is the clear-headed, sensible approach to dating.

  164. Ruby

    Hi Ronnie,

    My friend asked me out, and I initially said no out of surprised but later messaged him and said I’d like to go out with him. He said he would ask me out over the weekend but he never did- to be fair, he knew I had a busy weekend and wouldn’t have been able to make it anyway. We hung out a few times- both in a group and just the two of us- since he asked me out, and we brought it up a few times in a joking way. I texted him point blank today about when he’s going to ask me out, and he was like “we were out yesterday” with a few laughing emojis, and now I’m even more confused than usual. We did hang out yesterday, but since it was my idea I was under the assumption it was more of a platonic thing. I like him but I really don’t wanna invest this much time and effort if he’s not interested. At this point I couldn’t care less if he’s gonna ask me out or not, but I just want to know what he’s thinking so I can decide whether or not to bother with it any further.

    What should I do?

  165. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Oh I see w hat you are saying – got it and yes, I wouldn’t go either in that case

  166. Diana

    We didn’t meet online, he was from out of town no way to reach him to confirm the date. I didn’t go felt uncomfortable showing up but thank you ?

  167. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Diana, No that’s not vague at all! He didn’t give you a way to contact him in case you are late or he is. But you have real date details so if you want to meet him, you better go! Did you meet online and this will be your first face-to-face? Contact him through the site and suggest exchanging phone numbers.

  168. Diana

    I have a question – if you meet a man and he plans a date and place but doesn’t ask for your number is that a vague date! I am choosing not to go because of the vagueness.

  169. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Kiana,
    I know this is hard to deal with but if he wanted to see you he wouldn’t be vague. He’d do whatever it takes to see you and spend time with you. Maybe he was just reminiscing and it seemed like a good idea at the time. But then he didn’t follow though. Let it go. I’m sure there’s a better man in your future.

  170. Kiana

    Hi Ronnie
    I reached out to an old boyfriend on fb and he invited me out for drinks and I told him the next weekend coming up will be ok. His answer was “sure the weekend is good. Most likely Friday. I’ll let you know.” And I replied the next day with “ok”. It’s Monday now and our date was suppose to be last Friday. I didn’t hear from him and I see he’s active on fb. Before we spoke he wasn’t as active I’m nervous maybe he’s waiting on me to reach out and I really don’t want to just in case he was being vague when he asked me out. And he’s really not interested. We broke up on good terms. And always friendly when we run into each other.

  171. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Emma,
    This guy doesn’t want to meet up with you again. He just likes you as his phone BFF. He doesn’t want a real relationship. Don’t bother confronting him – there’s n point. If you don’t get a second date within 2 weeks at the very most, move on. Don’t wait around hoping or think a guy must like you just because he talks on the phone. If there are further no real dates, stop communicating whether it’s texts or calls unless you want this kind of friendship. If you want love, sorry to say he’s not the guy. This post might also help.

  172. Emma

    Hey Ronnie,

    I matched with this guy on tinder in Dec. 2015 and we met and clicked. He was extremely. However in Jan. 2016 we couldn’t set up another date as I lived in another city but was moving to his city in 4 months. We talked everyday 24/7 about everything. Before I moved in April, I was in town a couple of times and I told him, but he made excuses. I brushed it off completely.

    When I moved we were like best friends again and he suggested hanging out then cancelled. Now it’s August and he made plans with me again. I told him I hope you do not flake this time. Then he laughed and but left me hanging. Should I cut him off or should confront him. It’s so confusing!


  173. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    No I’m with you and think you are correct. What is he waiting for? If it were anything but another woman or lack of follow through he could have told you what the weekend was about but he did not. Time to move on.

  174. Michelle

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met a guy through a dating site. We spent two days texting each other and before we actually spoke on the phone he asked me out for a drink the same week. The night before our date we spoke on the phone for 3 hours. The date went well. About 3 hours. He asked if I’d be interested in doing it again and I told him I would. We kissed. Texted when we both got home, he told me he was “rather attracted to me” and that I was very sexy. We’ve texted everyday since thereafter (with him always reaching out first) but the texts have been a little monotonous. 5 days passed after our initial date and he hadn’t mentioned seeing me again so I brought it up. This was on a Tuesday. He said the coming weekend was “problematic” but would love to see me the following week. I told him “Sure. Give me a call then”. He seemed annoyed at that and I haven’t heard from him since. Tomorrow will be “the following week”. Am I wrong to think he wants to string me along?

  175. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Bianca,
    It’s up to you if you want to give him a chance. But before you do, ask yourself this question. ” Do I want to date a man who has already shown me that he’s not serious about me? Do I want to date a man who asks me out and then let’s days go by after I say yes?” Then you are free to do what feels right to you. My dating advice would be…no.

  176. Bianca

    Hi Ronnie,
    I reached out to an old friend on fb just to check in and he asked out for drinks. He asked me when will I be available and I told him the next weekend and it’s been 3 days and he hasn’t replied and he is active on fb. I’m definitely not reaching out again but should I give him a chance if he replies in the next few days.

  177. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sabrina,

    If you read the main article here, then you know what this behavior means. He’s NOT really into you – he’s just flirting, playing games or stringing yo along. He has no intention of going on another date with you or he would follow through. Just move on and forget about him. There are plenty of other guys out there so stop letting him waste your time.

  178. Sabrina

    Hi Ronnie,
    This guy that I like a lot,even in love with him.we have connection. He asks me to go out for drinks he very vague doesn’t say when ! But all the time asks me when are we going to meet up. Then when I say yes,I am free this Friday or Saturday.he just ignore the text or says he can’t,he has something going on.that happens a lot we know each other for more than a year now!we went ou couple times.but it’s every time the same story.i just don’t understand him.

  179. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Chloe,
    He’s stringing you along. When a man is vague like this, he has no intention of meeting you. Who makes a date and says “If nothing else happens that day”? That’s so noncommittal and very rude! Read this post about men and texting and stop texting him now. Then look for a man who will set up a date within 7 days. No excuses allowed!

  180. Chloe

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve met this guy on tinder, we exchanged numbers and have been chatting for almost a week. He keeps calling me his date even though we have not met. And when he ask “When are you free to date?”, i told him and he say it should be fine if nothing happens on that day. After that text conversation, he did not ask me about going out at all or neither he show interest in meeting me. He is still very caring through text only tho. What should i do?

  181. Catherine

    A lad asked to meet me for coffee and I said yes. He said let me know what day suits. I said I would tell him in the next day or 2. He said no problem. We text away and had flirty texts. Then I text him and said I’m free Sat? He said ok maybe Saturday I’ll meet u for a quick cuppa, just a friendly catch up, nothing serious is that ok? I said yes. The following day I never heard from him so I presumed he blew me off….Why ask me for a coffee and give me so much mixed signals over it?

  182. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi, I’m sorry to say this but I’m not at all sure why you’re confused. It’s very obvious he just wants sex and he already tried to seduce you. If you want love, he’s not the right man. He avoids you,changed plans, none of this is the behavior of a man in love. I recommend you let go and move on to find someone who wants to spend time with you, get to know you and take you one dates to do that.

  183. Anonymous

    Hy, there is this guy who we have been chasing each other lately, he always invites me to his house so I went there once and when I got there he seduced me but I did not sleep with him. If I turn down his invitation to his house he doesn’t contact me for a long time so we spent a week without texting and I decided to text him where we started talking as usual, so we agreed to meet for movies during the weekend but since on the Thursday he was off at work so he invited me over he wanted me to come at night but I refused then he agreed to pick me up to his house during the day. He came to my place during the day but he decided to leave while he saw me coming and he claimed that he has an emergency at work. When I complained he told me to take a taxi to his place and he is going to pay for it. I told him that I am not desperate and I won’t do that but all he did was to give me a one word answer which I “k”. So I am still confused if these guy is looking for sex from me or a relationship or maybe I made a mistake of showing him that I have something for him.

  184. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Barbara,

    So sorry this has happened. I’m not sure why he stayed in touch during his trip to come home and not spend time with you. Maybe he just needed the ego boost. It’s hard to say. But telling him what you think of him won’t change a thing. It will make you look angry and weak that you were so hurt by him. Your next best step is to write him a letter and get it all out of your system – then burn it to transform the energy! Or rip it up and throw it away. NEVER mail it. This will help you release the anger and hurt so you can move on to find a better man.

  185. Barbara

    I am a 57 year old widow whom met a man online six years older than me who has been separated for several years. We have known each other for three months, I thought we clicked, in the first two weeks he paid me a lot of attention and I made the mistake of being intimate with him as I have been on my own for three years and he then went overseas for two months and rang me twice a day. So he is back now and I thought the chemistry was still there as we built up a friendship while he was away. We have met once since he’s been back. Now I haven’t seen him for a week, I know now I should have never been intimate with him, I guess that’s all he wanted. Do you think I should message him and tell him exactly what I think of him. I know it takes two to tango or should I just move on and try and get him out of my head. It sure does hurt.

  186. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Becca,
    Your next move is to do nothing. That’s right – because you need to see what he will do. Will he follow through and meet you? Will he have more excuses and cancel? Will he blow off the date entirely. I don’t care how busy a person is – if they are genuinely interested – they will FIND TIME TO SEE YOU. But a man who is not emotionally available or has other priorities that get in the way is demonstrating that he’s not the right man for you. Now if you take it upon yourself to follow up again, you learn NOTHING. You need to let this go and observe his behavior to know if he’s worth meeting. My gut says no. And in truth, since he let it go for 12 days he’s already shown you he’s not worthy as a potential mate.

  187. Becca

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’m in a very confusing situation with the man that I am talking to. We have been chatting for weeks now and he has been keen to meet up (not pushy) and very easy to talk to online. We then decided to swap numbers and it was then that his chat became different. He was less eager to tell me about himself and his texts were remarkably short compared to his online messages. He was still easy to talk to, but just different. Then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me for around 12 days or so. I was fine with this and left it. Then a few days ago he asks me how I am and we are now back to chatting. Eventually I agreed to meet up this Saturday with a time and place which he agreed to, but now we are back to square one. Its been three days and no chat. Ive messaged him to ask if we are still up for tomorrow and nothing back. He does have a very busy job and is currently taking exams so Im not sure if that is it, but it does confuse me.

    Have you got any advice as to what my next move should be? We get on well but I don’t want to be strung along.


  188. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    That’s right Kay- block him! Asking when you are free but not setting the date is typical “stringing you along” stuff. If he’s too busy to see you then he’s not ready to date. A man uses being busy as an excuse. If he were genuinely interested he’d MAKE time to see you.

  189. Kay

    Hi Ronnie

    I met a man online, he asked for my number but has never called only texts. We’ve been texting for a week now, he says he wants to meet me, asks my availability but never arranges to meet me. I can see he’s online on the dating site too. Is this the classic case that he’s stringing me along and keeping his options open? I keep deleting his number, then he will text & I stupidly respond as I like him & he says the right things I should just block him? He is very busy as has a day job and works Fri & Sat nights too as he’s a musician. Guess I’m just looking for confirmation of what I know already, block him & move on.

  190. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi L,
    I was doing good with your question until the last part when you said you don’t have time for a serious relationship. That explains why you are attracting a man who is not serious. Good for you for not going to his house! Good for you for not wanting to be forward and follow up on his vagueness! Why would you want to date a man who behaves like this? If you don’t have much time, why bother with this nonsense?

    I challenge your idea that you don’t have time for love. If you have time to date, why not have time for love? Don’t cheat yourself out of what would be soul-satisfying and life enriching. Since your comments lead me to believe you ‘re not into hook ups which are casual dating, then how will you keep things casual? I’m not sure how you can keep things casual if you want to spend time with a decent man. So my best advice to you is to give some serious thought to what you really want. Dating someone good doesn’t have to take up all your time. Relationships can look like almost anything including just weekends. So give it some thought.

  191. L

    Hi Ronnie,

    I matched with a guy on tinder maybe last October). I got a new phone and don’t remember our conversations, but he did friend me on Facebook and we texted. BUT he always asked me to just come over and I expressed I wasn’t okay with that. Then things fizzled out and we never met.

    Anyway, the other day he randomly facebooks me and asks me “When am I gonna see you?” So I responded “Does seeing you include a date?” He said “yes”. So i told him “I’m free Tuesday or Thursday”. The next morning he said “Ok” and now I’m not sure how to respond. I was thinking of saying “text me tomorrow and we’ll make it happen” but I’m really against seeming forward with dating, so at this point I’d usually ignore it and nothing comes of it.

    I wanna go out with him but am not looking for a serious relationship because I just don’t have the time for it right now.


  192. Valerie

    I met a guy online. We messaged a few times. There was some witty banter and it was okay but he didn’t ask me anything about myself or the things in my profile (big pet peeve) but the conversation was OK. He asked for my number, I gave it to him. He would text me with hi, how are you and I replied and got; “great, awesome or okay” but no real conversation. He said we should pick a day to meet. I said call me to set something up after July 4th. He called me on the 6th and at the end of the call he said we should set a date. I said let me know when is good for you and where we’ll go. He replied, “I’m free whenever”. I’m confused. Is there a difference between a guy who says let’s set a date and a guy who actually sets one?

  193. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Dawne, You are right, you don’t have nearly enough information to really know what’s gong on with him. He did tell you a specific day he’d call so if he follow through that could be a good sign.It takes weeks of consistent pursuit to know if a man is genuinely interested so won’t date isn’t enough. I do think you are over-thinking this situation having had only one date. The best thing you can do is go out and meet a few more guys. This way you won’t be waiting around for this guy to call. There’s no harm in dating a bunch of guys before getting exclusive – that’s how you can figure out who to focus your attention on – by getting to know several men before narrowing the field and getting serious.

  194. Dawne

    Hi Ronnie,
    Had a first date – a cocktail meet up on Saturday with a man I met online. He hugged me upon meeting and it seemed like his face may have lit up. We talked quite a bit, though he was not “touchy” nor did he compliment me, so I didn’t gather specific interest. While walking out to our cars, he gave me a quick side hug and mentioned that he would be going to see his folks for the 4th of July, and would call me on the 5th. Why would he not call prior to that if he was genuinely interested vs. waiting three days? I’m new again to dating after many years, so I’ll admit I’m rusty. I usually like to listen to my “gut” on relationship matters, but I’m not sure on this. Do these signs indicate he is or isn’t interested, or only a platonic friendship. Or do you feel I don’t have enough info and should wait and see? I guess I’m just used to a more concrete, demonstrative approach when a man is truly interested. If I’m being too scrutinizing, please let me know. Thank you. Your writing resonates with me, and is quite helpful. Blessings!

  195. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Sara, The best thing you can do is let it go. He’s been distracted and that has probably saved you from reopening old feelings best left alone. My recommendation is to not respond to his next text because he doesn’t know how to follow through and really do you need that in a guy? I doubt it. There are more fish in the sea. Wouldn’t you rather be with a man who is really interested and more consistent?

  196. Sara

    Hi Ronnie,
    So this guy that I had hung out with a few years ago moved away. We texted a few times in the past 3 years, nothing that was a big deal. He is back for a month which I didn’t even know about until he texted saying he is here and would love to see me. I was very busy and he said to see my schedule and give him a day and he’ll plan it. We still texted that day he was saying he wished I had come out blah blah. After a week of still texting but not seeing each other I texted him to say I had a few free afternoons coming up. He said “oh great! Let’s do something then” and offered a few suggestions for what we could do. I said they were all good and offered 3 days I was free. Aaaaannnnd he disappeared!!! It has been 4 days and we are now on the 3rd day when I was free!!! My text hasn’t even been read although he has been on other messaging apps just not the one we use to communicate. What is happening?! Its not like I was hounding him to see him!! Help!!!

  197. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah,
    There’s a lot going on in your question so I’ll get right to the point. 1) If a guy doesn’t ask you out within 7-10 days of your first date, he’s not serious about you. 2) Don’t waste your time texting for 4 weeks – a man who does that clearly doesn’t want to see you , just text. 3) When a man asks you out, try not to push it off a week – find time because his interest can easily wane during this time. 4) Men who suggest vague dates don’t usually plan to go through with it or are hoping for better options later. 5) He’s too busy studying? This is nothing more than an excuse – you certainly aren’t planning to wait until he is finished with being at University right?

    So, overall, there’s nothing to do with this guy but stop communicating and move on. He’s not the man for you because f nothing else, he isn’t pursuing you at all. There are other men – go mingle!

  198. Sarah

    Hey Ronnie!
    I am also very confused. I matched with a guy on a dating site. We talked, had a good connection, similar interests and he seemed very smart and wise. We planned a date and it went well, little awkward but he was very kind and charming man. I started to like him after the date and we texted for 4 weeks. I hinted about another date and he asked me to go to the movie. But I had to work all week so the week after I could go. He said okay. But we talked less and for 1 week not at all. He didn’t came up with actual solid date plans. When he texted later he says he was busy with school, that’s true he has a busy life. He also said he wasn’t very familiar with online dating, and felt a little insecure. Does he not know what he wants? He is very vague lately and doesn’t have a lot to talk about. I like this guy, but what should I do with him? I asked him out today but he told me he would love to go but had a busy study week and would come back to it after his studying was over (last year university). So maybe I’m making too much of it or..?

  199. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Colleen,
    Yeah some men stand you up even though they feel bad. But the only thing that matters is the behavior not the words. So he flaked on you – now you know he’s not the right man. The right guy would never do that. Just move on – there are plenty more men.

  200. Colleen

    This guy flecked on me but sensed how rude I felt he was. So he replied ” I really do want to hang out with you.” So than the next day when I messaged him again To hang he hasn’t even replied back.

  201. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Fen, I agree women leave things vague too and it’s not always fair for either side. Men have a right to behave as they may, so do women. My point is to help women identify behavior that let’s them know a man is not serious about them or potentially any woman.

  202. Fen

    Here is some more advice: Not all men are like this, and many women are like this too. So its not a gender thing at all. When you say Men this and men that it makes you look bad in the eyes of a serious date.

  203. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Stephanie,
    Some men are…lazy. I love how you flipped it back to him when he asked you to set up the date. Keep in mind how you start things with a man is how you set a precedence and the energy for your dating and potential relationship. If you prefer that a man asks and sets up dates initially, then you need to be true to yourself. So now you have a decision to make. You can set up the date ONE TIME, see how it goes and if he sets up the next one to satisfy your curiosity about the flirty man. Or you can decide you deserve a man who will put energy into pursuing you. It’s totally up to you and there’s no wrong choice as long as you don’t set up more than the first date.

  204. Stephanie

    Hi Ronnie 🙂

    I met a guy at a store he owns, he acted very interested and asked for my number which he wrote down on a piece of paper and promised to call me. 2 weeks went by and I received no phone call. I then decided to drop by at his store, this time he made me put my number in his phone. A few minutes later he texted me and said that he would love to meet up with me soon (vague) & asked me to make the plans, I told him that I’m very flexible and would rather depend on him since he has a very busy work schedule… He read the message but didn’t reply. Some advice please… He was super nice and flirty but has been silent for 2 weeks now. Would really appreciate some advice 🙂

  205. Zizi

    HI Ronnie,

    Thank you very much for your answer, now i know what to do and just let him take the lead, if he is gone, then it’s a simple answer.

  206. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Zizi,
    The problem with a woman asking a man out is she never really knows if he likes her or is going along for the ride. In other words, you are fun enough to hang out with until a better woman comes along. When you asked him he did provide an excuse – “he’s busy.” I don’t see how that applies do you? If he has time to go out, he has time to plan.

    So, I’m thinking you could be on to him – he’s stringing you along. If he were really into you, he’d set up the date to impress you or ensure he’d have time with you. But he’s willing to wait until you do the asking. He could also be extremely lazy (not a great trait) or dating is not a priority but if you do all the work he’ll go – again not so great.

    The only thing you can do here is stop asking him out and see what he does. He might ask you out or never see you again. But then you’ll have a better idea of where he stands. In the future – leave the asking to the man – that’s the best way to know if a guy is genuinely interested or not – consistent weekly dates over several weeks with communication in between to stay in touch. I recommend reading this post on the Ballroom Dancing Principle of Dating which explains the best strategy for dating.

  207. Zizi

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’ve been seeing this guy for like 3 months, and we always meet up at least once a week (usually twice a week), but the problem is, he never initiate to ask me out first or text me first, even in our first meeting, he was only giving me some clues that he wants to meet me. And i just blurted if he wants to see me then he could meet me. I wonder what’s wrong with him like why he never planned our date first. I did ask him but he told me he is busy. I’m kinda getting mixed signals in here because he never said no everytime i planned “our” date and he seems like interested with me.
    Is he just stringing me all along? should i just close my eyes and find someone else?

  208. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Gina,
    The problem is you are doing all the work which means you are chasing him. I can’t see that he fixed much if you only saw him three times a year. Is this really the kind of relationship you want? Doesn’t sound like you are too happy. If you only see him when you reach out and make plans, that tells you he’s not really interested. Men who are really into you make sure they see you and stay in touch.

    Is he lazy? YES! But that’s what happens when you chase men. You end up with a man who lets you do all the work. Your best bet is to stop contacting him completely. If he has any genuine interest, he’ll contact you. But don’t be too sad or surprised when this guy disappears. I”m so sorry to tel you he’s not really into you. He’s not the man for you if you want a close, loving and lasting relationship.

  209. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Natalia,
    He asked you to dinner but then said he couldn’t afford it. Sounds like a liar to me. Perhaps he just wants to know women want to see him even if he doesn’t have money. Who knows. What matters is that you don’t need to date a man who is broke, confuses you and is inconsistent. Look at it this way – you got a quick answer to the question of, “is he the one for me?” That’s a definite “NO”. Time to move on. The point of dating is to sort through men to find a good match. He’s not it.

  210. Natalia

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met this guy on the dating site and met on Friday grabbed a coffee and went for a drive. We had a great time, so many topics to discuss, he asked if I would go for a dinner with him the next time and I said yes. He kissed me and said he will text me when he gets home. He did that and said again that he would really like to see me. This time I said I enjoyed the time and I’d like to meet again as well. The next day (he knew I have plans) he said that if my plans change he would really like to see me. I said that I don’t think it’ll be possible that day but I could meet him on Tuesday. He didn’t say yes or no. Today, Sunday, he didn’t text me at all so I did. I would really like to talk in person again. He said sure just tell me when, so I said that I am still free on Tuesday if he’s up to it. He replied that he is smashed and can’t afford to go out, so I said we could think of something which doesn’t involve money like a walk in the park. He read my message and never replied although he is online all the time. It makes me feel so confused. He tells me so many times that he wants to see me and then make excuses that he can’t afford. What that could mean?

  211. Gina

    Hi Ronnie. I have been friends with this guys for 3 years… I find myself doing most of the work. When I invite him out he will either come or make excuses. I am very confused because when I tell him how I feel and how he has been acting, he fixes it right away. We only see each other a few times a year, because I am too shy to ask him to hang out. I called him out on how I would like to see him more and would like to have him make more of an effort in the friendship. He agreed and even picked a time. Then he told me that he needed to reschedule because his game had gotten rained out and reschedule for the day we were suppose to meet. Do I accept a reschedule day? When I called him out on not hanging out more he said that I need to be more vocal and tell him it is what I want to do. Is this guy just lazy and I have to do all of the work or am I being blown off? His actions don’t speak it, but then sometimes it does. I think for knowing someone for so long we should be hanging out more. Should I just tell him I like him and see if that changes things?

  212. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sheron, He may not be sure he wants to start anything. I don’t know if you are in the friend zone or not. My suggestion is to simply relax, go for coffee and see what happens. If the coffee happens, then see what he does next. Do not prompt him or say you want to do it again or anything like that. Just say it was fun (if it was) and thank you. Or it was nice spending time with you. Let him decide if he wants to do it again. That will save you from embarrassment in case he isn’t really interested. Men flirt all the time but it doesn’t mean they want to date you – check out this post about why men flirt to learn more.

  213. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Carolina, If you only hung out once and he hasn’t responded to your text, It’s time to let go and move on. There’s no way to find out if this is about your looks or something else. I doubt it’s your looks as he saw your photo online right? But there may have been something else that didn’t appeal. Or he’s not ready to date. Or you reminded of him of someone else. Or he got distracted. Etc. There’s no way to know except one thing – he’s not the right man because the right man would ask you out again. When you do not know what happened, asking an unresponsive man will not get you answers.

    Regarding self confidence, look within for that. You cannot base how you feel about yourself on how men respond because that will have your confidence go up and down. You must feel good about yourself as a woman on your own, not through men’s eyes. Some will be attracted and others won’t. So I encourage you to work on your self-esteem and build that up. Dress nicely, take care of your body and be the best person you can be. That will help.

  214. Carolina

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met a guy in a dating website. We’ve been talking for weeks and he wanted to hang out. We actually hang out and he was very respectful, he asked me a lot of questions and he tried to keep the conversation. But I didn’t feel he was that interested, he never said anything about how I look or tried anything. So he told me he was going to text me when he get back home and he never did. So I didn’t text him that day because I thought that he may be busy, then the next day I didn’t know anything about him. So I decided to text him and he saw the message and didn’t answer back. So this is an issue that it’s making me less self confident, because I’m thinking that he actually didn’t like how I probably looked or that he actually had a different perception of me. So I don’t know if I should talk about it with him and make things clear or I should just forget about him?

  215. Sheron

    Hi Ronnie,
    This guy at my worksite( not directly in my area) normally talks when we see each other. Last week I asked him why he didn’t speak to me an event. He said he didn’t see me and said we could get coffee the next day to make up for it. I was really excited yet, the next day he didn’t call or come over to my area. He said he thought it was for next week. He then sent me a Calendar invite for coffee. Am I being played? Or in the ” friend ” zone.

  216. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Alina, The point of dating is to separate pretenders from genuine prospects to find the right man for lasting love. Now, think about Mr. Skype. You learned he rather Skype than go on a date. Is that the kind of man you want? No way! Dump him and move on. Most men who behave this way are not free to date – they have wives or girlfriends or they don’t want the responsibility of relationship.

  217. Alina

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met a guy on a dating website 2 months ago, we spoke on Skype for 3-4 days since he was out of country then and it was clear that we have a lot of things in common, he asked me out on a date at karaoke but the day before the date we had an argument and I blocked him. A month later he messaged me on the same dating website(I made a new account), asking me about how I am etc.. We spoke again and since then we have been talking for over 3 weeks on a daily basis, he is rather busy but I don’t believe that in all this time he couldn’t find few hours to meet me. Yesterday he made some vague plans to meet over the weekend but nothing happened. So I told him that I don’t understand his behavior and we had a fight. I mean, he prefers to be at home on Skype for hours with me, instead of meeting me somewhere in person. What’s his deal?

  218. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Chen,
    I learned something new – skinships! I had to look it up! So here’s what I think – something is not right. He took a long time to ask you out. Now you’ve had a few dates and some kisses and touching, but you don’t have his phone number. Sounds like a man with something to hide. I don’t trust him and I think he’s married or has another woman. Otherwise – you’d have his number! So if you like him, I’d simply ask for his number and see what happens. I bet he makes an excuse and then you’ll know he’s not really single. Then dump him fast and meet some new men.

  219. Chen

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’ve met a guy on an online app. We’ve been messaging each other everyday since April just asking about our daily lives. After I came back from vacation he initiated to meet each other and we met and had dinner. We still message each other the next few days and when we had the same day off the following week we met again and went out. Its almost been 3 months that we’re messaging and seeing each other but I actually don’t have his actual phone number but we keep on using the app that made us meet. I don’t know if he just wants to be friends or anything but we already had skinships stuff like that and he doesn’t say anything of us dating. Should I even ask him about that or just keep everything the same thing. Not sure if my questions are relevant to the post??


  220. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Darren – The same strategies do apply here for you as a man. If she’s not available to see you for two weeks, she could be letting you know that’s not her priority or you aren’t. If she has to travel for work, that would be an OK excuse but could still mean she’s not available. If you are hoping she’ll keep up the texting without you initiating then it’s time for you to step up and take the lead. It’s the man’s job to initiate, not hers – so don’t wait around for her. If she’s not responding to your texts or calls, drop her now. Lastly, you only had one date – it’s not wise for anyone to get attached after just one date so you should date other women while she’s making you wait around to see her again.

  221. Darren


    I am on the flip side of this. In other words I took my date out. Made all the arrangement and she we really happy. Like that I made the effort. We had a great evening. Talking about a second date. All looking good.
    Then she said I can’t go out until another week. Basically two weeks since than first date. The text messages have start to drop off. Not completely but still no where as much as before the first date. Has she lost interest or is this a case if she has started talking to someone else? Hard to know. I do like her we had good connection. Think we are worth a second date and who knows. If Thursday comes and she cancels part of me will think she has had a better offer. Personally I would prefer if she just said that.
    Maybe it’s not that but would appreciate the advice.

  222. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Rebecca,
    So you met a spontaneous guy. He’s not a planner. He has an idea and goes for it. So when he made that future plan, he didn’t really mean it specifically – just in general. Like when might feel like it. The next problem is about the perils of “hanging out” and what men really mean. That’s a very casual thing. On your date you also went back to his house to hang out. When you do this on a first date, most men might think, Oh she’s comfortable to come to my house so she’ll probably be willing to sleep with me.” You can see this since he made several “Booty Calls” last minute to you.

    You tried to straighten him out by saying he needs to plan ahead, ask you out and confirm. Good for you! But as you can see he’s not capable of that or doesn’t want to. Overall, I’m sad to say he’s not genuinely interested in anything but hooking up when he feels like it. So he’s not relationship ready and not worth your time. My dating advice is to move on – there are better men out there for you.

  223. Rebecca

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met a guy about a week ago. He approached me and asked for my number. That same day he wanted to hangout and I said yes! We hit it off on our first date. We laughed, he talked about his family and asked me questions about myself. It was like he truly wanted to get to know me. He even leaned in to kiss me. Then we hung out at his place after the date. The next day he made future plans to see me but never actually confirmed or really followed through with it. I even sent him a text asking if were we hanging out (because it was his idea). He acted as if he never remembered actually saying we would hangout that day. Then it starts really getting confusing because he calls now at night wanting me to come over but I say no just because it’s not really planned or last minute. I’m not a last minute type of girl. So the last straw was I finally told him he needs to actually call and confirm. So he did take my advice he called and confirmed that we would be hanging out the next night and even the same day he texted to make sure I would come over. Then I text back “ok, just call me when you are done.” Well fast forward he never called me that night. I’m very confused but I think I should not entertain him anymore.

  224. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kendra, looks like you didn’t finish your message but I will say this – don’t waste time on men from other countries or from long distances. On a rare occasion i t might turn into something but 99.9% of the time if you meet it will be a fun fling and nothing more – regardless of that the man might say. The best thing you can do is stop talking to this guy and look for someone local.

  225. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Mary, I would say that he was just flirting with you, so when you sent your number showing real interest, everything stopped. That let’s you know he was just entertaining himself by flirting with you and was not seriously interested. I think you are wise to let the man make the first move. If you had called him, you wouldn’t be as clear right now that he’s not interested. If he was he would have called you and set up a date.

    For more insights, please read two more posts – one is on how texting is meaningless (like FB messaging)and the other is about why men flirt but that doesn’t mean he wants to date or have a relationship with you. Once you understand that the only thing that matters with men is the actions they take, you won’t let men like this waste your time. Only real dates week after week let you know a man is genuinely interested. Everything else is just fun distraction but is not real indication of his intentions to date you.

  226. Mary

    Hi Ronnie,
    I made a friend request to a guy i haven’t met in person, because I felt inspired with what he is doing in his life. It was a spontaneous action for me, cause I don’t do online dating or add friends i don’t know in person. (We have 4 or 5 common friends (and I live in Europe).
    He accepted my friend request with much enthusiasm and we started chatting for 10 days, sending messages, “good morning”, etc, giving very few personal details, showing interest, flirting. He expressed his admiration to me and liked most of my personal, profile photos and made compliments to me. I returned his compliments. He said, “I would like to suggest we meet. If not this week, then the next one? So he didn’t actually propose an exact day, time and place. When I asked him what he suggests, he replied “we will choose TOGETHER,” then sent me his phone number. I replied “Here is my number too.” But he never called me, texted me or sent a FB message again. I didn’t call him, because I’m traditional and like the guy to do the first move. What do you think? He is 45 years old and I am 39. Should I have made the first move and called him? Should I contact him with now after 15 days without having heard from him? What’s your opinion? Thank you very much in advance!!

  227. Kendra

    I met a guy who lives in another country. Before I left he voiced an interest in meeting, he said he’d “let me know when he booked a flight, but that it wouldn’t be for a couple of ,months.” He has not texted me much, but has gotten in to contact to suggest dates we could meet. In out last text he said he could not meet during a certain weekend, but suggested another one.

  228. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lynn,
    You are neither paranoid or impatient. This man may be a great guy but he’s not available. It sounds like you want a man who is free to date you at least weekly – that is what most relationship-minded women want. But he’s too busy for that and dating is not his priority. Clearly he has other priorities – which truthfully could be business or other women. So feel free to let go and move on. There are plenty of men who are ready, have time and want to date a wonderful woman like you. Knowing when to let go is an essential dating skill.

  229. Lynn

    I met a man online and we met up for a great 1.5-hour coffee date. He texted the next day to ask me out for the next week. The day before the date, he texted that he got pulled into a work project and rescheduled for Saturday. We met Saturday and had a wonderful time. He texted me on his way home asking if we could go see a movie on Friday. By Wednesday I hadn’t heard anything so I texted asking if we were still on for Friday. He wrote back the next day that he has to leave the country on Sat so needed a raincheck. After more texts he wanted me to promise we’d meet up when he gets back, which he was supposed to be this Friday. we left plans were up in the air – he was to text me this week to let me know. Again it’s Wednesday & I haven’t heard from him. Even though I really like this guy, he has cancelled/rescheduled on me twice, and didn’t let me know until I reached out to him. My question is: should I give up on this one, or am I being paranoid & impatient?

  230. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Laura,
    I don’t blame you at all for texting that messages and you did a great job keeping it short and to the point. It’s impossible to understand why someone would behave that way. My bet is something “better” came up and then he was embarrassed vs. planning to stand you up. I also LOVE how you felt empowered and faced your future with positive expectations by saying “NEXT!” Good for you – that is the ideal strategy to move forward.

    In the future, I would avoid texting daily – that can be a trap. Three dates in two months is not strong pursuit so he filled in with texting. This is the signal that he’s not serious. A lot of men string women along by staying in touch with texting. That’s why I advise against it. Respond the next day a couple of times if the texting overshadows the dates, so if the guy has better intentions, he’ll step up if he wants your attention. And the others will fall away when you don’t play the game.

  231. Laura

    Hi Ronnie-
    We met on a dating app 2 months ago and went out on 3 dates, talked almost everyday. Last week he called me twice, the 2nd time was on Friday night to ask me out for Saturday night. I was very cool about it and said sure! He said he was going to be back in the city around 3pm and we would chat then. Saturday night comes and 7:30pm, haven’t heard from him. So I shoot him a text saying hey are we still on for tonight? No response. So I’m cool and think I’ll wait till the morning, maybe something happened to him. Morning comes I don’t hear from him, an entire week goes by! How can you text me everyday for 6 weeks, talk on the phone to ask me out, and not even 24 hours later disappear?

    It’s just bizarre behavior! If you’re not interested or if you are dating other people, that’s cool, just let me know. Don’t make plans only to bail. After a week I did something I’ve never done before, I actually called him out with a concise text, saying what he did was cowardly. Honestly, I’ve never done anything like that before, I usually just ignore and delete. But sometimes, very rarely, I want to stick up for myself and not take the BS behavior from a guy! I don’t want to give any more attention to the lame ghoster, but I must say, I felt much better about it afterward and felt empowered. Next.

  232. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Caro, First a 2-hour first date is a good one. He might not have spent money but if you were talking while walking you could learn a lot about each other. Perhaps you are disappointed in the idea that he didn’t do much to impress you – that’s true. However, at the end of the date he asked if you were free the next weekend and mentioned a movie. This is usually a good thing. However now, he has not been in contact so perhaps he has changed his mind.

    The take away here is that he’s not interested enough in you to impress you and at this point even follow up with a next date. That’s a pretty clear message in my mind. So your last question is why did he ask you out in the first place? Maybe to get to know you to see if he wants a second date. That is the point of dating. You have to spend time with people to see if you click. Now he might have gotten distracted by other women or isn’t sure what he wants himself. Those could be reasons why he didn’t follow though. And people do change their minds.

    But when one date doesn’t work out – that is NOT leading you on. One date doesn’t guarantee anything more, nor should it. I encourage you to adjust your expectations and understanding about dating. Both men and women go on dates to get to know the person to see if they want to invest more time. Some men do prefer being casual and will lead you on with texting and occasional dates. But this guy did not do that.

  233. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lena,
    You don’t have to pan the date. Just text him and ask when and where he wants to meet that day. Then if he puts a plan together – go and see how it goes. If not you have your answer and can scratch him off your list. It’s good to keep things simple.

  234. Lena

    Dear Ronnie,
    Just want to start off by saying that your article is great. So I met this guy on social media, and we have been talking for about 3 weeks now. He has asked me out, and we planned the day that we are going out but It’s like he’s living the rest of the specifics for me to plan out (time and place of date). He seems kind so I don’t know if he’s just being nice and letting me plan the rest of the date, or if he’s leaving the specifics out because he’s not as interested in me as I thought. I don’t know what to do, or if I should even still go out with him?

    Thank you,

  235. Caro

    I had a date with someone I met on Match.com. Over social media/ tex message we had pretty good conversations. There were times where he was very funny, kind and even sweet… (At least that is what I thought) Again, I could have been wrong..
    Over text he said a few times “excited to meet you on Sunday” the original date day. Well, the date came and he didn’t seem too enthusiastic about the date. Cutting it really short to less than 2 hrs.. A date that was “walking, nothing else.. Which is fine, but it was a little too not personal enough to get to know each other. Anyhow, I didn’t mind. At the end of the date he said… “Will you be around next weekend, maybe we can go and watch a movie” I said, sure.
    That was the last day I’ve heard from him. He hasn’t text since then, and its been a week. Why guys are so difficult to read and understand. There are times that I feel disappointed in men. I know not all men are the same, but most of them are…

    Any ideas, why he invited me out? Why not just saying it was so nice talking/ meeting you. Don’t lead on a girl. Don’t ya think?

  236. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Aanma,
    Yes it is common that men want a casual relationship. But they are not always as honest as this man . He respected you, so he told you the truth. This is a very good thing since you are new to dating in America, he could have just pretended he wanted a relationship – then you would have really been heartbroken.

    Dating in America is what I call a “wait and see” game. You go on dates with men you enjoy, but hold off on falling for them until they prove their sincere interest. This is consistent behavior of calls, texts and at least weekly dates if not more for several weeks. Usually by the sixth date, sometimes up to 10, you start to know who a man really is and can see if he is interested or just casual. Casual men often leave spaces between dates or rush into multiple dates quickly so they can sleep with you.

    So my dating advice to you is to not fall in love without really knowing a man first – that will help you guard your heart. Otherwise, some romantic smooth talker could take advantage of you. Read blogs like mine to learn about dating here so you can be smarter about men and what works to find love in the US. You’ll get the hang of it!

  237. Aanma

    Dear Ronnie,
    I don’t have dating experience in the American. I am from South Asia and have been here for 7 months. I have dated only one guy for four years who was my classmate back home. I was introduced to Tinder by my friends. I went on dates with three guys, but none of them interested me. Two weeks back I met a guy online and we started chatting. He set a date and we met in a cafe. We had a wonderful time together talking and learning about each other. I didn’t realize that we spent four hours together talking about family, childhood, studies, jobs, struggles, etc. That was a surprise to me personally as I felt like we had known each other for years. Later on, he asked for another date. I said yes, we met last Sunday. We talked like before but I was nervous this time. He knew I had been to salsa the previous night, so he suddenly held my hands and requested a dance in the park. We danced and then I started falling for him. He wanted to kiss me but I said, but I told him he could kiss on my cheek which he did. He gave me a hug and I melted in his arms, then asked if he wanted to kiss me. Then he kissed me and hugged me tightly. A few days later I got a message saying that he was captivated by my honesty, openness, and courage and he found himself bonded with me in many aspects with me but wasn’t ready for a committed relationship that I was looking for. He just wanted a casual relationship. I wasn’t prepared for that and was emotionally hurt. I wonder if such thing’s common in dating world.

  238. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Elisa, There are a number of younger men who wan to date older women thinking getting them into bed will be easy. That is definitely your guy’s idea – his request to watch a movie at your house is the clue. You were smart enough to know that was not a good option. So you might not hear from him again. Also it’s very rude to be setting up time with friends while with you. So I don’t think he’s any great catch and you’d be better off moving on. He’s not showing you how interested he is in you for sure. My dating advice is to let him go.

  239. Elisa

    Dear Ronnie
    I met a man on Match, he is much younger than me. He quickly asked me for a date. I said yes. So far we had three dates in two weeks time, then I got confused. Every time, he texted me first and ask me out, then I agreed to the time. But he hardly texts me during the week – maybe something about how my day has been. For the third date, he suggested we can watch a film at my home. I thought it was too much and I’m not into hookups. I suggested we go to the cinema. The third date went OK, he didn’t talk too much and he checked his mobile saying he is arranging time with friends. After, I thought I should be more positive. So on the following day, I texted him. He was online but he never read my message. I was disappointed. He did reply the day after. I didn’t text him back. no contact since.

    Certainly I am not his high priority. He might be interested in me but I am only his backup. He might just want to have a casual sex. What is your opinion? If he asked me out again, should I give him another chance to find out what he really wants? Many thanks for your help.

  240. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey TJ,
    1) Sometimes when a family member is ill all courtesy goes out the window. The stress of a loved one being sick can overshadow everything else. So it might be that simple. A little empathy and understanding will help you deal with that. Should he have contacted you? yes of course in a perfect world he would have done so.

    2) When a man doesn’t answer your text asking if your date is still on, don’t follow up with a sarcastic text – why bother? Isn’t it enough to be ignored once?

    3) Remember it’s only a date. Yes it feels important and you might have really been looking forward to it. And there’s no excuse for rudeness – well except having a family member emergency. But it’s just a date.

    My dating advice is to put less attention on having the date – yes get ready, look good etc., but know that if it doesn’t happen so what? Take the pressure off yourself and the men you date so you can go with the flow more. Then being stood up won’t seem like such a massive let down. The thing is it could easily happen again. So think of it as not a big deal and something that happens all the time to people who date. Then you’ll move on with greater ease and grace.

  241. TJ

    So I’ve been talking to this guy for 3 weeks now and we’ve met twice. But when we was supposed to go out Saturday he said that he might not be able to make it because he had to babysit his nephew. So he asked me Saturday night where I wanted to go for Sunday and I told him aha I asked him what time and he said 5 or 6. Well today I message him and asked him if we was still on for tonight and he never responded back to me. So I sent him a text saying well I guess not. That it would’ve been nice to know. So when I sent that he sent a text back sayinf my sister is in the hospital for a migraine sorry if I inconvenience you. I just don’t understand why he didn’t just message me and say hey I can’t make it something came up instead of leaving me hanging all day

  242. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Alicia,
    Here’s the problem. You’ve tried cutting him off via emailed, but never did. So he knows he can talk you back into his game. When a man is serious, he MAKES TIME, not excuses. A quality man doesn’t “no show” or think a phone call replaces a date. Playing his game hasn’t worked so far – why continue? Even though you spent a week with him, he’s not serious about you or he’d treat you far better.

    Men never answer the famous speech honestly, “If you’re not interested I get it”. They keep stringing you along because it’s part of the fun. The only way to cut a guy off is to actually STOP COMMUNICATING. Since you always respond – the game continues. I hate to tell you but if you’re looking for lasting love, it won’t be with him so it’s time to move on. You don’t owe him an explanation either – if you explain, that’s just more of the game for him. Read this post on Mixed Signals for more details about men who are inconsistent.

  243. Alicia

    Hello Ronnie,
    I’ve been dating a guy since last May who was oversees playing basketball. At first I didn’t take him seriously. He suggested a play date with our kids, but flaked. In August I had a housewarming, he said he’d attend. He was a no show but called and spoke two hours. Then he suggested I come visit him oversees -I said yes thinking it wouldn’t happen. But he sent the money in Oct. and we spent a week together (no sex).

    Things were fine till Christmas (communication died). By New Years I sent him a farewell email. He responded with a detailed message. Since then things were great for long-distance dating – Text, FaceTime, phone calls. He retired in April, came back to the states and said he wanted to see me Thursday but texted with car issues. Changed to Saturday – didn’t happen. He’s been back 2 weeks, lives in PA and I’m in NJ. I even gave him the infamous speech, “If you are no longer interested, I get it!” He responded that he wants to see me but hasn’t set a date. Should I cut him off, give him time to adjust or play the game? Btw he suffers from procrastination (don’t they all) lol! HELP I’m 39, he is 41……

  244. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Leanne, You could simply tell him your travel plans changed and you are now available. Texting is fine for this. Just keep it simple without a lot of explanation.

  245. Leanne

    Hie Ronnie

    I kinda let a long term friend know that I was interested in him, I just let him know because I wanted to move on from being hopeful (We work together by the way) Immediately he then sent me a text saying that he was surprised and suggested to meet and discuss in person, but the issue was on which day to meet, initially he picked a place and said that Saturday he is busy , but the next one would do, and then I told him that I would be travelling two days before the day he had in mind. But now my plans have changed because my best friend whom I’m travelling with will not be getting an off on that weekend instead we will travel 3 days later from the the previously set date. So my question is, should I notify him that our travelling date has been moved so that we can meet on the day he had initially suggested? Will I not look too eager to meet him if I notify him?! And how do I notify him? I broke the ice and told him I was interested and he suggested we meet.

  246. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi K, I agree that he is lacking. But I question when a man can only meet during the day and not in the evening. I don’t know if either of you is working but when a man can’t meet at night – he may have other social obligations like a wife and family.

    Now if you set boundaries telling a man when you are free to meet and he doesn’t respect that – pay attention. This lets you know he thinks his life and timing are more important than yours. Rude and narcissistic as you said. Then he didn’t even meet you after pushing to do so. I agree – why meet him? He’s already proved he’s not the right man since he doesn’t treat you with respect.

    I recommend stopping all contact and blocking him. If you do exchange texts again, you will be demonstrating that he can get away with this poor behavior. it’s time to move on and meet new men. In the future, I encourage you to avoid not long phone calls before meeting. 15 – 20 minutes is long enough to decide if you want to meet. This keeps you from getting attached and having expectations that will not be met. There are plenty more men so don’t let this guy get under your skin.

  247. k

    Met online. Had a 2 hour phone conversation that went well for the most part. Texted me the next day hello and again the afternoon pushing to meet the same evening. I explained I could not and I suggested tomorrow during morning or aftn. He said he is busy with family but wanted me to cancel with my family that same eve. I suggested Monday night. We agreed to play it by ear. He became pushy to meet again during the day instead of waiting to see what happens…and I gave in. I did not hear from him. I texted him a “?” and he said did not work out and we will meet tomorrow. I texted him back that it was an unnecessary to make me wait on his call and to only let me know AFTER I texted him to see what happened. I then texted him “we will not meet tomorrow.” Am I nuts or does this guy like control? His behavior is between rude and narcissistic at times.

  248. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Two weeks went by and he hasn’t asked you out again – that tells you he’s not genuinely interested. Being busy is usually an excuse or it tells you he’s not ready to date or that you are not the right woman for him. None of those point to anything good. Then he replied to you saying he’s not available. What kind of follow up could there possibly be? He’s basically pushed you away! With compassion I suggest its more than time to move on. Block his messages and go meet new men.

  249. Freda

    I went out a date with a guy who is mid30. We had dinner date and extended the date by getting dessert. Since the first date, he texted me everyday with good morning and good night texts. He has not asked me out for second date for two weeks so that I let him know texting does not work for getting to know each other if there is connection between us. And I know he has full schedule and he is a busy man. But he replied my text as he understands why I sent the earlier text and he replied me as he is not available person. What should I do to this situation? Should I reply to his message or should I ignore him?

  250. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Riverwalk, This man has cancelled and then never set a firm date again after the first date. I’d drop him and move on. What’s the point of dating this guy if he has no follow through? If he’s too busy to see you? If he can’t set up a simple date and show up? And good for you to saying no to his offer to visit you at home – it’s too soon for home visits. Time to meet some new potential partners.

  251. Riverwalk116

    Ronnie, I met this guy at a conference and he approached first. He set the first date, and asked 2nd date by end of 1st. We agreed to the date but not timing and place. Close before 2nd date, I checked with him as my girlfriend asked me out same time. He confirmed 2nd date time and place, but did not make it due to weather. But he set another one immediately as he was going for 2 weeks. And on this rescheduled 2nd date he said he wanted to see me after his return. But he did not make the move after he was back as he was busy with students and patients. Then he said we should meet before the weekend. Sat night he texted me saying he could not meet on Sunday as his brother is over. But we had not set up anything on Sunday. Now he asked sometime again this week, Should I neglect him or play as he plays? Btw he offered a home visit when I was sick in between but I said no.

  252. Lala

    When a guy gives me vague plans to meet up on the weekend without giving a specific date and time I always say “Fabulous! Once we have the specifics lined up I’ll put it on the books.” Lets the guy know you’re not waiting around for him and he is at risk of losing that date he wants. He’ll respect you more for this and be quicker to secure that date.
    Also, if he can’t give you specifics right now say ” no problem, we can just play it by ear and if we’re both available maybe we’ll meet up.” You guys know when they’re messing with you, don’t let them. 😉

  253. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Kee, when dating you’ll encounter plenty of people who drop the ball. This happens to men as well, not just women and it’s part of the dating process. Don’t let it get to you – just move on and find someone new to meet.

  254. Kee

    So this guy texted me earlier asking if u was still good to go for coffee I replied an hour and a half later cause I was at work and agreed also asking him what time we should meet. He read the messages and didn’t reply.

  255. Patrice

    Hi Ronnie ~ I met a guy online two weeks ago and we immediately exchanged numbers to talk on the phone. Had a great conversation with a lot in common and talked for nearly two hours! Then we discussed meeting in person. I said that would be great and told him my availability. I thought I’d at least hear from him the following week. Haven’t heard from him since… I’m tempted to text him again and suggest getting together but just not sure what to do.

  256. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cassandra, I want to encourage you to work on your self esteem. You deserve to be treated better like that. This is not a man showing you love – a man who cancels on you and posts photos of other women? He’s a cheater and a liar. You can do better. Don’t put up with such poor treatment another minute. It’s time to shut him down and move on. Next time you catch a guy posting a photo of another woman, walk away immediately. There’s no excuse that works. And a guy can cancel once but after that, move on. When you have the self respect to not put up with poor treatment, you’ll move on faster and find men who’ll respect you more.

  257. Cassandra

    Hi i have been dealing with a guy for 10 months now. At the beginning everything was good until 1 day he posted a pic of him and a woman on his facebook page. i asked him about it. he told me that just happen they broke up a month later. Then a month later he posted a picture again with this same lady, and now their not together anymore. When they were, he stood me up so many times, But he tells me he really loves me and now every time i ask to c him, he tells me he’s coming by and he never shows. But he doesn’t want me seeing any one else. i feel like a big fool for allowing this to happen for the past three months now and he is always working what should i do……

  258. TG

    Hi Ronnie,
    Thanks for the reply! Yep, I’m totally used to men who move quickly and disappear just as fast haha. Perhaps I tried something different.

  259. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi TG,
    Sounds like a date to me. He asked you out and he paid. Why are you confused? He’s lacking a bit of confidence by asking you to let him know when you’re free. But its also super respectful which you say he is. So not sure what seems strange.

    Men don’t come out and say, “I want to marry you. Let’s go on a date next week to see if there’s something to it.” He’s getting to know you with once a week dates – my husband did the same thing. Are you used to faster men who disappear? Slow and steady can work better. Just relax and see what happens. Maybe nothing – maybe something, but that is exactly the same with any man you date.

  260. TG

    Hi Ronnie,
    I have recently been meeting up with a guy that I worked with on a short a contract. He initially asked if I wanted to see a movie with him (back in December), but I was away for an extended period of time, so couldn’t. I dropped him a generic New Years text (when I was back in town), and he suggested that we meet for a movie or a coffee. We ended up meeting for a coffee. At the end of the “whatever it was” – he suggested meeting up the following week, if I was sorta, kinda free. It threw me, to be honest, because I couldn’t quite figure out what he was asking…long story short we met the following week, but again at the end of that “whatever it was”, he was like, “let me know if you’re free next week”. He is super courteous and attentive in person, he always picks up the check, we get on really well, but I literally have no idea whether he’s interested and I’m worried I’m coming of a bit aloof for fear of looking desperate – HELP!

  261. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anita,
    It’s up to you and how you’ll take the potential second cancellation. If he flaked the first time and is a big flirt, he’s probably not worth it. But if you want to give him one more chance and won’t be all bummed out, give him one more chance. Who knows?

  262. Anita

    Hi Ronnie, this guy messaged me and we started talking. We clicked instantly, our interests are the same (The only fishy thing is that he’s super charismatic and a lot of girls like him.) So then he asked me out and we set a date, but he flaked out on the day before. Now he says he wants to see me again, is it worth trying one more time? Or is he looking for an ego boost? By the way, he doesn’t message me as much as in the beggining.

  263. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kim, just like the post explains, when a man is vague, he’s not serious about you. Dump this guy and move on to find a man who is ready to date you. This guy has no intention of getting together. When a man wants to go on a date with you, he makes it happen. Last piece of advice, don’t tell a man “Let’s play it by ear.” Ask about a day, time and place or it’s too vague and likely not to happen.

  264. Kim

    I’m Doing online dating site and confused .. We matched and he messaged me first we messaged for about a week it was good conversation .then he asked for my number ..he texted me for about a week some flirting he asked a lot of good questions.then said we should hang out sometime. I said ok let me know since he has weird work schedule. A few days went by with no text ..he then texted and said what day did I want to go out he said he was off the weekend I said lets play by ear he said cool. It was a snow storm that whole weekend and didn’t hear from him. I texted the next day and said I was out in his area. he texted right back said he was at work and he couldn’t. It’s been a week and no text since.. I’m Confused

  265. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Monee,
    I understand why you feel confused so I hope to clear that up for you. This is exactly what the post is all about. When a man is vague about proposing a date like your Facebook buddy here, he is STRINGING YOU ALONG. He asks, but has no intention of actually going on the date. You can see this is true because nothing has materialized yet, even though you let him know when you are free.

    So the first time he did it you might think that he meant it. Then the second time he did it you might think, “Maybe he got busy and dropped the ball.” But the third time definitely shows you without question that he is wasting your time and playing with your head.

    I recommend only one such exchange – if a man can’t get it together to see you on a real date after asking you out, then don’t entertain future requests. But you gave him the benefit of the doubt like most women would.

    However, there’s no doubt now. Stop messaging and move on to find a new guy – this one is a dead end.

  266. Monee

    Hello I’m friends with this guys who I have met only a couple of times. But we always stay in contact either via facebook or through text. I always text him friendly text message like how is your day going or just to see how he is doing but nothing more than that. But he has asked me out three times and every time I say yes or text him to let him know when I will be free he never text me back. I’m confused what message he is trying to convey to me. Because he is the one who is asking me out why ask me out if you going to do this please help me understand?

  267. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi KG,
    Yes he is stringing you along. And nope he’s not worth it. Is it OK to have someone say sure let’s get together unless something better comes up? No way!

    This is why I recommend not asking men out. Let them take the risk of rejection by asking you on dates to start. Then after 5 or 6 dates if things are going well, you can ask if he wants to do something and initiate. Before that, it’s best to let the man do that.

    Now you can be friendly and flirty to show interest. But if a man is interested, he knows exactly what to do to go out on a date. And if a guy doesn’t take this step, it’s simple- he’s not really into you.

  268. KG

    Hello. So I had made plans with this one guy to go to a basketball game with me. He said he would love to go. Day before the game he texts me saying he cannot make it; he has to work. I was upset but understood. Ever since then, he has been saying we need to get together, hang out, or “I really want to hang out with you!” He told me he had an upcoming weekend open and I offered to drive over to meet up with him but then he replied, “sure, as long as nothing else comes up.” Is this guy even worth it? I almost feel as if he is stringing me along which is one thing I am not looking for right now. HELP

  269. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jessica, When a man reschedules in a vague way it’s because he doesn’t want to be nailed down or is avoiding making real plans. One way to clear that up is to tell him you are across the street. If he makes an effort, there may be hope. But on the other hand, when a man doesn’t initiate or make a real date with you on his own, that’s not saying much about how interested he is right? Chances are for some reason he has changed his mind. I know this is disheartening but there are other men out there to meet.

  270. Jessica

    What if he asked you out and then had to cancel and reschedules in a very vague way ….I’m doing a marketing exhibition at the mall across from where he stays for six days. I didn’t tell him I’m here but one of my friends suggest that I tell him that I’m here if he wants to say hi….Would that look like I’m chasing him or would it be a good way to see if he is actually interested?

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