Need help understanding men? If a guy asks you out, but is vague about a day, place and time, that’s not a REAL date. Find out how to respond to a flaky guy.
What Is a Vague Date?
Let’s say you’ve been texting with a great guy all week and on Wednesday he said, “Let’s meet this weekend. We’ll talk about the details as we get closer to the weekend.” How exciting – you can’t wait to meet this guy! You are so looking forward to meeting him.
Suddenly, it’s Saturday and you don’t know anything about the date. Not sure how to respond to a flaky guy, you text asking if you’re still getting together. He texts back saying something came up or worse, doesn’t even respond.
It’s so aggravating when this happens! Now you’re facing Saturday night with nothing to do when you had been counting on a date with him! Why did he do that?
Keeping His Options Open
Some men like to hedge their bets to make sure they have a fun weekend. While chatting with you, he thinks seeing you would be fun, so he asks to meet you Saturday. Having you on the hook is a big relief because if nothing better comes along, he can see you.
Then he continues fishing online, viewing profiles, and chatting with women. He connects with another woman who seems better. Maybe she’s cuter, shorter, taller, younger, older, thinner, curvier, etc. Whatever his preferences or mood might be, he asks her out for Saturday night. This is a flaky guy who doesn’t know what he wants.
Now you can see why he didn’t make a firm plan with you. He was still looking for the best possible option.
Understanding Men – Talk Is Cheap
Don’t take to heart what men say for the first several dates. This is especially true BEFORE your first date. Talk is cheap and doesn’t mean anything. A man can say sweet things that draw you in to make you adore him.
Players know you want to feel like a man is into you, thinks you’re the one, or so pretty, so they say amazing things to you. Enjoy the flattery, just don’t BELIEVE it. Only time will tell if he means what he says and is serious about you. Hold off falling in love until you know who this guy really is.
He might mean every word he said. Or, he could be playing with your heart. Men don’t necessarily do these things to be mean. Some guys just don’t know what they want, so they act this way.
Follow Through Is Gold
On the other hand, follow through is GOLD. When a man says something and then does it, now you can start taking him more seriously. A man who sets the day and time for your date right away is showing a deeper level of interest in you. When he follows through on promises and what he says, then he’s worth seeing again. This is one of the best ways for understanding men – knowing follow though is the only thing that matters.
Dating Is a Sorting Process
You have to meet a lot of men and see them a few times to weed out the ones who talk a good game, but aren’t serious about you. It takes several dates to find out if a man is really interested. Paying attention to what he does to win you over is the only thing that matters.
Any man can say nice words and make empty promises. You are looking for a man with integrity who does what he says. The right man for you wants a relationship and wants it with YOU.
Keep Your Options Open
Next time a man asks to see you “sometime over the weekend”, but isn’t specific, don’t bother saving the date for him. You can say yes, then keep connecting with other men.
As time draws near, you may be tempted to check in with him and ask if you’re still on. I don’t recommend it. If he’s really interested, he should close the deal on date details to make sure you are “off the market” for the weekend. It’s not the end of the world if you do ask, but if he takes his time responding, forget about him.
How to Respond to a Flaky Guy
My dating advice for women is to not get excited about a vague date. If there’s no date and time, then it’s not a real date. Until the details are firm, you are still available to meet or see other men.
There’s actually no reason to respond to a flaky guy. Many women wonder if he’s just shy or insecure and want to help him out by making it easy and doing his follow up work. Don’t fall for that!
Even a shy man knows EXACTLY what he needs to do to go on a date with you Saturday night. He has to ask and set it up. When a man seems flaky by not scheduling the date, he’s letting you know through his actions (or lack of them!) that he’s not really into you.
Let Men Pursue You
That’s why the best thing you can do is let a man pursue you. This minimizes the risk of going out with a guy who is just filling time until he meets someone better.
If you accept a date with another man, because the first one didn’t follow up, just say, “Gee, I didn’t hear from you, so I made other plans. But I’m free Sunday afternoon” (or whenever you are free next.) That lets him know you’re still interested and he’s still got a chance. That’s how to respond to a flaky man.
When a Guy Wants to Hang Out With You
It might make you feel good when a guy wants to hang out. Just be aware that “hanging out” often is casual. This is his excuse not to be buttoned up with date details because it’s just hanging out. If this is the case, don’t be fooled. He’s not serious about you at all.
What Makes Understanding Men Easier?
Understanding men is so much easier when you take your emotional attachment out of the equation. When you take a step back and look at the vague date situation objectively, you will see that a man who does this could be:
- Playing games
- Not sure what he wants
- Stringing you along hoping he finds a better woman
- Liked you but got distracted by others
- Isn’t ready to date, just wants to see if women are interested
Don’t Bother with Flaky Guys
The point is, it doesn’t matter what he says or why he’s flaky, only what he does to be sure he can see you. It doesn’t matter if his texts are fun or sweet, he follows you on social media and likes your posts, or calls and talks for hours. When he doesn’t set a date, time and place, it’s not a real date. See how simple that is? End of confusion.
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