Understanding Men: Why He Asks You Out But Leaves It Vague

Need help understanding men? If a guy makes plans but doesn’t follow through or leaves it vague about a day, place and time, that’s not a REAL date.

Find out how to respond to a flaky guy.

understanding menWhat Is a Vague Date?

Let’s say you’ve been texting with a great guy all week and on Wednesday he said, “Let’s meet this weekend.

We’ll talk about the details as we get closer to the weekend.” How exciting – you can’t wait to meet this guy! You are so looking forward to meeting him.

This could also happen after a first date or if met a guy out or at a party. It’s all the same thing if he asks you out but is vague about it.

Then suddenly, it’s Saturday and you don’t know anything about the date.

Not sure how to respond to a flaky guy, you text asking if you’re still getting together. He texts back saying something came up or worse, doesn’t even respond.

It’s so aggravating when this happens! Now you’re facing Saturday night with nothing to do when you had been counting on a date with him! Why did he do that?

Keeping His Options Open

Some men like to hedge their bets to make sure they have a fun weekend. While chatting with you, he thinks to see you would be fun, so he asks to meet Saturday.

Having you on the hook is a big relief because if nothing better comes along, he can see you.

He continues fishing online, viewing profiles, and chatting with women. He connects with another woman who seems better.

Maybe she’s cuter, shorter, taller, younger, older, thinner, curvier, etc.

Whatever his preferences or mood might be, he asks her out for Saturday night. This is a flaky guy who doesn’t know what he wants.

Now you can see why he didn’t make a firm plan with you. He was still looking for his best possible option.

Understanding Men – Talk Is Cheap

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Don’t take to heart what men say for the first several dates. This is especially true BEFORE your first date. Talk is cheap and doesn’t mean anything.

A man can say sweet things that draw you in to make you adore him.

Players know you want to feel like a man is into you, thinks you’re the one, or are pretty, so they say amazing things to you.  Enjoy the flattery, just don’t BELIEVE it.

Only time will tell if he means what he says and is serious about you. Hold off falling in love until you know who this guy really is.

He might mean every word he said. Or, he could be playing with your heart. Men don’t necessarily do these things to be mean.

Some guys just don’t know what they want, so they act this way.

Follow Through Is Gold

On the other hand, follow-through is GOLD. When a man says something and then does it, now you can start taking him more seriously.

A man who sets the day and time for your date right away is showing a deeper level of interest in you.

When he follows through on promises and what he says, then he’s worth seeing again. This is one of the best ways for understanding men – following though what actually matters.

Dating Is a Sorting Process

guy makes plans but doesn't follow throughYou have to meet a lot of men and see them a few times to weed out the ones who talk a good game but aren’t serious about you.

It takes several dates to find out if a man is really interested.

Paying attention to what he DOES to win you over is the only thing that matters.

Any man can say nice words and make empty promises. You are looking for a man with integrity who does what he says.

The right man for you wants a relationship and wants it with YOU.

Keep Your Options Open

Next time a man asks to see you “sometime over the weekend” but isn’t specific, don’t bother saving the date for him.

You can say yes, then keep connecting with other men.

As time draws near, you may be tempted to check in with him and ask if you’re still on. I don’t recommend it.

If he’s really interested, he should close the deal on date details to make sure you are “off the market” for the weekend.

It’s not the end of the world if you do check, but if he takes his time responding, forget about him.

Guy Makes Plans but Doesn’t Follow Through

My dating advice for women is to not get excited about a vague date. If there’s no date and time, then it’s NOT a real date. Until the details are firm, you are still available to meet or see other men.

So you want to know how to respond to a flaky guy? There’s no reason to respond!

Many women wonder if he’s shy or insecure and wants to help the guy out by making it easy and doing his follow up work. Don’t fall for that!

Even a shy man knows EXACTLY what he needs to do to go on a date with you Saturday night. He has to ask and set it up.

When a man seems flaky by not scheduling the date, he’s letting you know through his actions (or lack of them!) that he’s not really into you.

Let Men Pursue You

guy makes date by doesn't follow throughThat’s why the best thing you can do is let a man pursue you. This minimizes the risk of going out with a guy who is just filling time until he meets someone better.

If you accept a date with another man, because the first one didn’t follow up, just say, “Gee, I didn’t hear from you, so I made other plans. But I’m free Sunday afternoon” (or whenever you are free next.)

That lets him know you’re interested, and he’s still got a chance. That’s how to respond to a flaky man.

When a Guy Wants to Hang Out With You

It might make you feel good when a guy wants to hang out. Just be aware that “hanging out” is usually a casual thing. This is his excuse not to be buttoned up with date details because it’s just hanging out.

If this is the case, don’t be fooled. He’s not serious about you at all.

What Makes Understanding Men Easier?

Understanding men is so much easier when you take your emotional attachment out of the equation.

When you take a step back and look at the vague date situation objectively, you will see that a man who does this could be:

  • Playing games
  • Not sure what he wants
  • Stringing you along hoping he finds a better woman
  • Liked you, but got distracted by others
  • Isn’t ready to date, just wants to see if women are interested

Don’t Bother with Flaky Guys

The point is, it doesn’t matter what he says or why he’s flaky, only what he does to be sure he can see you. If a guy makes plans but doesn’t follow through, that’s hopeless.

It doesn’t matter if his texts are fun or sweet, he follows you on social media and likes your posts or calls and talks for hours.

When he doesn’t set a date, time and place, it’s not a real date. See how simple that is? End of confusion, end of the story.

 

For more on understanding men, get my Free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make that Keep You Single.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

288 thoughts on “Understanding Men: Why He Asks You Out But Leaves It Vague”

  1. This an awesome article, I have someone who tried to do the vague plans situation (I was pretty much his rebound for a long time before I came into my self confidence and started respecting myself) one time we talked on the phone (note we was on the phone until 5am) and he said he wants to hang out and go to a nature trail but didn’t give a time or anything and the next day (technically same day) he told me he had to work (I asked if he was working and he stated no). Our last conversation was him calling me boring because I wasn’t the same (meaning I wasn’t jumping and coming when he wanted me to and told him if he wants to do anything he needs to make plans), and he guess he would have to find someone else to have intimate time with and I said okay and told him I had to go??. It was very clear that he was pretty much in a relationship with the mother of his children (note they just had another child together). Thank goodness for self confidence and respect, you have a more peaceful life when it comes to dating and relationships.

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