When a man sends mixed signals, it can drive you crazy. You wonder, “Why does he ignore me if he likes me?” Maybe he’s inconsistent with calling, texting or asking you out? Find out what it means.
His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing
Dear Love Coach Ronnie,
I’ve been talking to this cute guy for three months. We have gone out a few times and it’s been a blast. But he keeps giving me different signals, so I feel confused about us. Sometimes he acts like he likes me and sometimes he acts like he doesn’t.
Why does he ignore me if he likes me? Most of the time I contact him first, usually by text. He does respond, but doesn’t really initiate. What do you think I should do? What’s your professional opinion on this guy? Thanks, Texting Gal
Is He Into Me or Not?
Dear Texting Gal,
I realize this is confusing since he is so inconsistent. You don’t know if he’s into you or not because he’s so on and off again. Any woman would find his mixed signals confusing. The tendency for most women is to look at his actions that show he DOES like you and rely on them rather than look at the big picture of his behavior. Unfortunately, that’s not the best strategy and can easily lead you astray.
That’s why initially, you should let the man lead, just like in ballroom dancing. In other words, don’t initiate anything – let him do the work. This is the only way you can know how interested a man really is. When he makes the effort to get to know you, stay in touch and see you without your prompts, that usually means he’s into you.
Why Does He Ignore Me If He Likes Me?
Why would a man who seems interested choose to ignore you, not respond or delay his response? It sure isn’t a sign of genuine interest or true love. Don’t struggle trying to figure out his mixed signals on your own.
Instead, what I recommend is letting him run the show and watch what he does. Observing his behavior and paying attention to what he does to be with you tells you everything you need to know.
What does this mean to you? It means do nothing! Don’t text, email or call him, UNLESS he does FIRST.
Signs He Cares But Is Scared
Many of my clients are so busy looking for the signs he cares but is scared, they miss the point entirely. He may act like he cares, but if he doesn’t initiate and you need to text first or suggest getting together, he’s not the right man for you.
He doesn’t really care ENOUGH to pursue you, so he’s not serious. You know this because his efforts to see you aren’t there.
That means if he says the sweet things, sends endearing texts with heart emojis, or tells you he thinks he’s falling for you, but he doesn’t call to set up a date at least once a week, it’s all smoke and mirrors.
Understanding Men Better
These are not signs of being scared, but of his insincerity. Maybe he wants attention or to build his ego. He might not be capable of a relationship or he’s cheating without really cheating on his current woman. That’s why he’s the wrong man. The right man doesn’t send mixed signals!
At the start of dating, following the man’s lead will help you gather important information about him. How often does he text or email? And more importantly, how often does he schedule a date?
He’ll Show You His True Intentions
That’s why I recommend you hold back from contacting men. Give him a chance to show you what his true intentions are, so you don’t WASTE YOUR TIME. Observing a man’s actions is much better than his relying on his words to find out if a guy is really into you.
However, in this case, you’ve already been interacting and dating for a few months. You can’t really start over which makes things more difficult for you.
I’m going to take a risk and be really honest and direct with you since you did ask for my professional opinion.
What His Inconsistency Says About Him
A man whose efforts to see you and build a strong relationship are inconsistent can be a symptom of several undesirable dating behaviors. He might be sending mixed signals because he’s:
- Dating lots of women
- Not emotionally available
- Not sure what he wants
- Keeping you “on the line” as a time filler until he finds a better woman
- Thinking you are better than nothing
- Wanting intimacy that doesn’t require much effort on his part
He’s Not Serious about You
In this case I’m sorry to say he’s not serious about you. And when a man isn’t seriously interested, you have no leverage or power to change things. So, please listen to my advice and don’t bother trying.
Make it a point to go out and flirt with new guys to find a man who will consistently call, text and date you. You deserve so much more from a romantic partner. Don’t put up with this nonsense thinking it’s going anywhere. If you find yourself wondering “Is he into me?” that’s a sign.
How to Recognize a Relationship Ready Man
I suggest that you move on to find a man who wants a relationship with you. In case you need help recognizing that in a man, here’s what to watch for:
- Calls at least once a week or more
- Takes you on dates at least once a week
- Texts in between and stays in touch
- Wants to get to know you
- Tries to please you and win you over
- Introduces you to friends and family
- Asks you to be exclusive (this can take a couple of months)
If you meet enough men, you’ll find a good one and the right one for you!
P.S. Ready for more “straight talk” dating advice?