If you’re dating a widower, you may question if he’s ready for a relationship. Thankfully, you have nothing to worry about as long as you see these seven signs.
Dating a Widower Who Is Not Ready
While you may have some trepidation about dating a widower, there’s one really good thing about them as potential mates. If the man you’re dating had a good marriage, he’ll probably want to marry again. Most widowers seek love again more quickly than widows, usually after one year vs. as long as five years on average for women.
On the other hand, there are a number of serious concerns. That’s why you want to know if he’s ready for a new relationship or just filling time and feeling lonely. The last thing you want to do is “help” him get over his deceased wife. This is misguided because what you are really doing is ignoring the obvious fact that he’s not ready for the real thing with you. All your good intentions will simply lead to heartbreak if that’s the case.
Don’t make excuses for the widower you’re dating. If he exhibits signs that he’s not ready, and you are serious about finding lasting love, then you are barking up the wrong tree as the saying goes. Don’t do this to yourself!
You are better off leaving and starting over with a new man who is ready. Nothing is worse than hanging in there waiting for some guy to get over his wife, thinking “if only he could focus on how good we are together.” If he could, he would.
7 Good Signs When Dating a Widower
What are the signs to watch for? If you are enjoying a widower’s company and see these seven signs, he’s probably ready for the lasting love you want.
1. It’s Been a Year – Most widowers will start getting back out there to date and hopefully find a new partner after about a year. This is the average period of grieving for most men. And statistically, these men are the most likely to marry again. Yay!
If it’s only been a few months, it doesn’t matter what a great guy he is – he’s NOT READY! Stay clear if you don’t want to be disappointed.
2. His Actions and Words Match – When the guy you’re dating says something and then follows through, this is always a good sign. But it’s even more meaningful when you’re a dating a widower. This shows he’s ready for a relationship because a man’s actions are what matter most.
This is actually true for any man you date of course. You want someone who you can count on and whose word is like gold. When you encounter a man who walks his talk, you are probably dating a man who has integrity. Some men talk a good game, but if they can’t deliver on that, what’s the point? If he can’t follow through, walk away.
3. He Doesn’t Talk About Her Constantly – A widower who is not ready constantly talks about his wife. Everything brings up a memory of something special about her or an aspect he misses. You cannot win against a fond memory so don’t even try. He’s simply not ready to date you or any woman seriously.
If he brings her up once in a while and doesn’t wax on for too long, that is something to be expected and hopefully isn’t hard to tolerate. Should you be offended, then he’s probably not the right man for you. If he was happily married for many years, he’s going to talk about her to some degree.
More Good Signs
4. Only a Few Photos – It’s understandable that after many years of marriage with a woman he loved, his deceased wife will be in photos. A few here or there makes sense and is expected. However, if he’s got her picture by his bedside and all over the house, this is NOT a good sign. He’s still deep in grieving and not ready for a relationship with you.
Don’t ignore this about dating a widower, thinking you can talk him into putting those photos away. They are a statement about where he is in his healing process which cannot be hurried, no matter how well you get along or how much he seems to like you.
5. He Pursues You Consistently – As with any man, you want to be consistently pursued. This means he calls you weekly, takes you on a date at least once a week if not more, and texts in between (if he’s a texter). This is how you know any man is genuinely interested in you.
This is particularly important when dating a widower, because it would be easy to see you sporadically just to have some female company and not be alone. But if he sees you once a week to start and then picks up your time together, this can be a good sign for sure. Keep in mind, consistency builds a relationship. So, if his contact or dates are not very regular, he’s probably more casual then you think.
Dating a Widower Over 50
6. Doesn’t Fear His Family – When you are dating a widower of any age really, if he’s extremely concerned about not upsetting his family with you, he’s not ready to date. You want to be with a man who is confident in himself, his actions and his choices. A man who fears what his family will think about you or his dating, is not standing on his own two feet.
Don’t think that everything will be alright once they see how great you are together. Trust me, that is not what they will think. In a case like this, the family, including children, parents or in-laws, is concerned with preserving the status quo and the loving memory of his wife. There’s no winning if there’s any competition with her ghost – you WILL lose.
7. Introduces You to Friends and Family – Another great sign of a man’s genuine interest and readiness is when he starts introducing you to the people who matter most in his life. Once you start meeting friends, and family members in particular, then you know you are on a good track.
Understand that the children, especially if they are young, may take longer. And this makes perfect sense in the case of dating a widower or a man who is divorced. Most men (and women) want to know you are likely to be part of their life long-term before you meet the kids.
Warning Signs Dating a Widower
To sum up the warning signs, if it’s been less than a year since his wife passed, he shares his ideas about your future together, but doesn’t follow through, he might not be ready. If he talks about his wife constantly, has tons of photos, is inconsistent with his attention, think twice about dating him.
And, if he expresses concern about what his family might say, or doesn’t introduce you to anyone, keep in mind these are serious warning signs, letting you know dating this man who is a widower is probably not the best idea. Only he can decide when he’s healed and ready for a serious, lasting relationship with a new woman.
Don’t spend your time helping him recover. This is a thankless job; for as soon as a man is feeling better, he most often walks away and finds another woman to commit to. When a man is not at his best, he can’t really give you what you want. And after he recovers, you remind him of a time when he was weak. So, he moves on. You will not win nursing him back to emotional health.
The Good News About Widowers
Now, the good news is that a widower most often wants to be married again. He’s not phobic about commitment and likes having a woman in his life. So, if you are dating a widower who is showing all the good signs outlined in this post – excellent!
Enjoy this time with your new man and take things slowly to be sure you are both making good choices. There’s no need to rush, so taking your time allows you to savor every joyous moment.
If you want more dating advice tailored to you and your circumstances, let’s chat! Schedule a complimentary session with me and fill out the short application to discover what might be blocking you from finding love and if coaching is right for you.