He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans – How to Turn that Around

So, he texts but doesn’t make plans. Women tell me they’ve been “talking” to a guy for a while which means you’ve literally been talking, texting, video chatting or emailing, but NOT dating. Let’s change that right now!

he texts but doesn't make plansHow to Get Past Texting

Texting and maybe even a few phone calls can be a lot of fun as you get to know a man. Yet, that’s not enough! He’s got to take that important next step to ask you out if you are going to have a genuine relationship-not a virtual one.

What’s this behavior about anyway?

If he texts but doesn’t make plans, nothing can be more annoying. You click with this guy you met online, go back and forth for a while, but never meet him! The texting is fun, and you feel like you’ve made a connection. That’s why it doesn’t make sense and you wonder if he’s maybe too…

• Shy to ask you out?
• Busy with work or other things right now?
• Seeing other women?

You simply have no idea what the problem is. And this keeps happening, which explains why it’s getting under your skin and driving you crazy!

You’ve asked your girlfriends what they think and get differing opinions. No one seems to know for sure. You might have asked a guy friend why he texts but doesn’t make plans, but that didn’t help you get a clear answer either.

How to Go from “Talking” to Dating

Once and for all you just want to understand – how can you go from “talking” to dating that man?

Now, I’m not a fan of being forward or asking men out. What works best even today in this modern world of dating is to let men pursue you. That’s the ONLY WAY you’ll know if a guy likes you.

When you ask a man out more than once, you have no way of knowing if he’s going along for the ride because you’re good enough for now. Like a placeholder until he finds someone better. Another reason is that he might just be bored – yuck.

Or, maybe he goes out with you because he really IS interested. Impossible to tell the difference, right? How can you know for sure?

One thing I know for sure, you CAN’T KNOW if you do the asking. That’s why I recommend never asking a man out more than once. Never.

Fewer Men Are Taking That Step

For some reason, there has been a noticeable shift. Fewer men are taking that all important first step – getting past “talking” and asking women out. You can’t imagine how many emails I get from women like you who complain how he texts but doesn’t make dates.

It’s not due to his shyness. You don’t intimidate him, although I know that’s a popular theory among single women, especially the successful ones.

Many midlife men today have been crushed by women, rejected countless times or hurt and deeply wounded. So they hang back wanting to MAKE SURE you really like them. It’s sad really. So, this is the ONE TIME it’s OK to take matters into your own hands.

So, if he’s not going to do it, who will? Yeah, it might need to be you. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am.

There are a few essential and simple parameters that will help you know exactly what to say and do. If you stick to the script I provide below, don’t veer off or try this more than once with the same guy, you’ll be good to go.

Here’s What to Say to Set a Date

If you’re on the phone with him, (since you don’t meet men without speaking to them first, right?) the call is coming to a close and he hasn’t said anything about getting together, try this:

Say, “It’s been fun talking to you. Why don’t we get a cup of coffee (glass of wine/beer) and see if there’s any chemistry?”

Then, don’t say another word, no matter how long the pause is. This way you’ll get a feel for what he’s thinking. There are a few different ways this could go:

1) If he takes a long time to respond – that’s not a good sign. He probably wasn’t going to ever ask you out anyway. Just wrap it up, say goodbye and look for another man. You don’t need any one taking up your time for no reason. He had his shot, he blew it, move on. And do NOT look back.

2) He makes excuses like he has to look at his calendar or check with his ex or whatever. Excuses are not a good sign either. At least you know he’s not genuinely interested, so again, let him go and move on. Do NOT keep chatting and texting hoping he’ll want to date you some day.

3) If he says, “Sounds like a good idea,” don’t stop there! This is your next line, “Great, when are you thinking?” This engages him in the process of setting up the date. Don’t get off the phone without a plan. That means a day, time and place. If you end the call without a plan, you may never have one.

If he chooses a day you aren’t free, no problem. Just say, “That’s not good for me, what about Thursday at 7?” Always provide an alternative even if you have to negotiate timing further, so you have a plan.

If He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans

Now you know how to go from talking to dating that man! Don’t let his reluctance to make a plan drag on into the future. This is how you to find out his true interest level. A lot of men just want to communicate, but not meet. Spending time in this noncommittal way somehow builds his ego or soothes his soul. Women are compassionate listeners and empathetic friends.

Don’t Share Emotional Support Hoping for Love

However, the last thing you want to do, is pour your heart and soul into supporting some guy who seems nice, hoping he’ll come to love you and date you. In fact, don’t trade anything for love.

Women through the ages have traded sex hoping for love or cooked meals, cleaned his house and more. This is not how to get a man to love you. He has to WANT you and a relationship for this to come true. You can’t lure him into it or change him to get his love.

If he doesn’t want a relationship – that’s it, case closed.

Why support a man emotionally without meeting him or having dates? It might be somewhat satisfying, and you’ll FEEL like you’re in a relationship even though there are no hugs or kisses. BUT YOU’RE NOT IN ONE. It’s virtual, not REAL.

Either get him out on a date or say, “Bye bye.” Block him if you have to because you are serious about finding love. You don’t let men waste your time or wrap you around a little finger to be at his beck and call in case some day he agrees to meet.

If You’re Serious about Finding Love

When you are serious about finding love, you value yourself and your time. Knowing you are worthy of more than “talking,” you don’t get stuck when he texts, but doesn’t make plans. You make tough decisions like cutting off a talker/texter and blocking him because you know you DESERVE MORE.

The WHOLE ENCHILADA is what you want, and you won’t settle for anything less than a real, passionate, face-to-face relationship for an epic love that lasts and grows.

Having Trouble Finding a Decent Man?

Now, if you are having trouble FINDING a man you WANT to have coffee with, we should talk. Sometimes women have trouble getting dates and if this is happening to you, you are NOT alone. This problem is more common than you can imagine. But together we can change that.

Why continue to be left out of finding love and the man of your dreams?

Let’s have a conversation and see if we can figure out what might be going wrong and keeping you from the love you deserve. Book a phone or Skype session (it’s free) so we can figure out what’s getting in the way of connecting with the right man for the lasting love you dream of.

12 responses on “He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans – How to Turn that Around

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Brady, If a man you’re interested in texts you to get together, why would you wait? Don’t text back within minutes, but certainly the same day is fine. If you ignore him, he might think you aren’t interested. On the other hand, are you getting invested in a man who was clear he only wanted to hook up? Hookups don’t often turn into true romance, so if you are hoping this will become more serious, that’s a bit risky with your feelings.

  2. Brady

    My question is how long do you wait to text a guy back after he has told you he wants to meet up? Okay honestly, he texted saying he wants to hook up when he is in town. Known him for awhile and we text occasionally flirting. He texted me Saturday night saying he wants to see me but I don’t want to come off as needy. I want to play it cool. Should I just wait for him to text and if I don’t hear back by Friday assume I just wasn’t a priority as he insinuated ?

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Marilyn, I’m confused too. If you are friends, then like you say, how can you be jealous? If you’ve been friends for years, why might you be falling for him now when he’s being distant? And why do you consider someone who suggests getting together and never follows through a friend? This is not how best friends or lovers treat each other. Sounds to me like you are in love with him for a long time and haven’t been honest with yourself about it. Now he’s with another woman and you fear there may be a third. What kind of man is this? My advice is to take a step back, put feelings aside and really look at what you are going through. The best thing you can do for yourself and your heart is WALK AWAY from this cheating guy who wants you to help me get over a woman he’s still seeing. That’s so selfish – never help a man get over another woman. If he’s not ready for you, find a man who is. Otherwise you could waste many more years on this man who thinks only of himself.

  4. Marilyn

    My question is regarding being a side chick. It’s all new to me -I’ve never been in this position. This ma,n who is one of my best friends, has become distant. He’s been in an off and on relationship for a few years. Now he’s with her and unhappy again. He wants to meet up with me and and talk about his problems. I’m fine with listening and helping him, but I get frustrated when he texts saying he will meet me, but it never happens. He doesn’t have time for me anymore. I am wondering if he is balancing his gf, me and maybe someone else. As his friend I shouldn’t be jealous, but I have been on this journey with him for many years. Not as a side chick mind u. Just a friend. We love each other and I worry I am truly falling for a man that I will never be able to trust and be with. If he does show up, do I call him out on seeing someone else and being distant? I don’t want to lose our friendship. Yes, it sounds a wild situation and not hearing from him hurts. Advice? Thank u!

  5. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Dear Inked, The most important thing for you to understand about this relationship is that you allow him to treat you this way. While you can’t control what he does, you can STOP COMMUNICATING. And stop expecting him to be someone he’s not. He’s NOT a man who follows through on what he says. He’s stringing you along and you LET HIM DO IT. You have two choices 1) Continue to put up with it (saying anything won’t change a thing) or 2) Smarten up and block him so you can move on with your life. It’s time to recognize you have to make this decision and stand up for yourself to build self-worth. I encourage you to build your confidence and realize that you deserve better treatment and a true relationship. But that’s entirely up to you.

  6. InkedButterfly

    I have been strung along by a guy – we’ve known each other for many years and he lives a few states away. He always says we’ll meet up, but then I find out he was in town to see his buddies and didn’t even tell me. I found out months after. Didn’t call him out. Why would I? We aren’t together, just best friends. I have distanced myself to save my heart, but he always texts saying he loves me. The last words from him a week ago were how he knows how we can meet up and wants to talk about it. I’ve heard anything since. He says he’ll call or we should meet, and he vanishes. He’s busy with work, and his life but cmon. Should I not text and let him come to me if he truly wants to see me? He used to live a few doors down from me years ago (how we met), and he acted that way even then. He liked his alone time even when he was single. Please help me figure this guy out !!

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sunny, While my heart goes out to you for the pain you are in, it’s time for some tough love. Why are you letting him do this to you? Why are you holding out 12 years for a man who is with another woman? YOU are in charge of your life! While he won’t be your boyfriend (and why would you want this lying cheater anyway?) you can break it off and meet a BETTER man. A man who wants to focus on you alone, love you, treat you right, see you often and build an honest, open relationship. Of course this is draining! Ditch the bum and move on to find your own man. Build your self-esteem so that you never accept crumbs again. Men who cheat often want something on the side and don’t leave the first woman. And if they do, they them move on to cheat on you! It’s time to break free to create your own, healthy life.

  8. SunnyPisces

    Just found this and am hoping you can offer some advice! I have been the other woman with my male best friend for 12 years. We have blurred the lines a lot, never slept together. have met his GF and she really is awful… cruel and demeaning. Yet, he moved in with her 2 hours away from me. We have both been through a lot and so we used to text and call constantly, but that slowed down since he moved. For a year he has said how miserable he is and wants to move. He says he will call me and update me. Never does. Flirting is constant via text though. The latest – he wants to meet up and will only talk via phone. I told him I am sick of waiting around. Still no damn call. This man has said he loves me, and after all I know about his sad ugly past I do feel a connection, but I’m getting crumbs. What do I do? It’s draining.

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amber, You are wise to know not to be the one to ask. The thing about understanding man is never to ask “Why is he doing this?”. Instead, think about it this way…do I want to invest my time and energy on a man who is inconsistent with me? A man who will only chat but doesn’t want to see me? My bet is no, you don’t. You want a man who makes seeing you a priority every week. You want to feel cherished, not avoided. So, it doesn’t matter why he behaves the way he does. What matters is that you know you are worthy of better treatment. The other thing you can do is pull back on responding to his texts. Sometimes a man will wake up and realize he better pay more attention to you or risk losing you.

  10. Amber

    I definitely relate to this and am having a similar issue. I met a guy online about a month ago and we’ve been going out and seeing each other pretty regularly. But it seems like this past week, he’s not as interested in spending time with me. He has been texting me everyday to say hi and chat. I’m confused about his intentions; does he just want space? Is he stringing me along? Is he really just busy? I dont want to be the one to have to ask if we can get together because then I won’t know if he really wants to or not. But I really want to figure out what the deal is. Can you help me?

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Grace – you are so right! That’s why I recommend not texting longer than 7 days without a date. But you could make that 4 days if he’s texting daily. Just ask if he wants to talk on the phone and see if you can get a date set up. If not, move on to find a man who actually wants to meet you.

  12. Grace

    There are lots of “texting buddies” on the dating sites. They will text from morning to midnight, feigning false interest with future faking. Don’t waste precious time on these egomaniacs! They’re just bored and are texting you, while spending time and affection on their real dates. Not you.

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