He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans – How to Turn that Around

So, he texts but doesn’t make plans. Women tell me they’ve been “talking” to a guy for a while which means you’ve literally been talking, texting, video chatting or emailing, but NOT dating. Let’s change that right now!

he texts but doesn't make plansHow to Get Past Texting

Texting and maybe even a few phone calls can be a lot of fun as you get to know a man. Yet, that’s not enough! He’s got to take that important next step to ask you out if you are going to have a genuine relationship-not a virtual one.

What’s this behavior about anyway?

If he texts but doesn’t make plans, nothing can be more annoying. You click with this guy you met online, go back and forth for a while, but never meet him! The texting is fun, and you feel like you’ve made a connection. That’s why it doesn’t make sense and you wonder if he’s maybe too…

• Shy to ask you out?
• Busy with work or other things right now?
• Seeing other women?

You simply have no idea what the problem is. And this keeps happening, which explains why it’s getting under your skin and driving you crazy!

You’ve asked your girlfriends what they think and get differing opinions. No one seems to know for sure. You might have asked a guy friend why he texts but doesn’t make plans, but that didn’t help you get a clear answer either.

How to Go from “Talking” to Dating

Once and for all you just want to understand – how can you go from “talking” to dating that man?

Now, I’m not a fan of being forward or asking men out. What works best even today in this modern world of dating is to let men pursue you. That’s the ONLY WAY you’ll know if a guy likes you.

When you ask a man out more than once, you have no way of knowing if he’s going along for the ride because you’re good enough for now. Like a placeholder until he finds someone better. Another reason is that he might just be bored – yuck.

Or, maybe he goes out with you because he really IS interested. Impossible to tell the difference, right? How can you know for sure?

One thing I know for sure, you CAN’T KNOW if you do the asking. That’s why I recommend never asking a man out more than once. Never.

Fewer Men Are Taking That Step

For some reason, there has been a noticeable shift. Fewer men are taking that all important first step – getting past “talking” and asking women out. You can’t imagine how many emails I get from women like you who complain how he texts but doesn’t make dates.

It’s not due to his shyness. You don’t intimidate him, although I know that’s a popular theory among single women, especially the successful ones.

Many midlife men today have been crushed by women, rejected countless times or hurt and deeply wounded. So they hang back wanting to MAKE SURE you really like them. It’s sad really. So, this is the ONE TIME it’s OK to take matters into your own hands.

So, if he’s not going to do it, who will? Yeah, it might need to be you. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am.

There are a few essential and simple parameters that will help you know exactly what to say and do. If you stick to the script I provide below, don’t veer off or try this more than once with the same guy, you’ll be good to go.

Here’s What to Say to Set a Date

If you’re on the phone with him, (since you don’t meet men without speaking to them first right?) the call is coming to a close and he hasn’t said anything about getting together, try this:

Say, “It’s been fun talking to you. Why don’t we get a cup of coffee (glass of wine/beer) and see if there’s any chemistry?”

Then, don’t say another word, no matter how long the pause is. This way you’ll get a feel for what he’s thinking. There are a few different ways this could go:

1) If he takes a long time to respond – that’s not a good sign. He probably wasn’t going to ever ask you out anyway. Just wrap it up, say goodbye and look for another man. You don’t need any one taking up your time for no reason. He had his shot, he blew it, move on. And do NOT look back.

2) He makes excuses like he has to look at his calendar or check with his ex or whatever. Excuses are not a good sign either. At least you know he’s not genuinely interested, so again, let him go and move on. Do NOT keep chatting and texting hoping he’ll want to date you some day.

3) If he says, “Sounds like a good idea,” don’t stop there! This is your next line, “Great, when are you thinking?” This engages him in the process of setting up the date. Don’t get off the phone without a plan. That means a day, time and place. If you end the call without a plan, you may never have one.

If he chooses a day you aren’t free, no problem. Just say, “That’s not good for me, what about Thursday at 7?” Always provide an alternative even if you have to negotiate timing further, so you have a plan.

If He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans

Now you know how to go from talking to dating that man! Don’t let his reluctance to make a plan drag on into the future. This is how you to find out his true interest level. A lot of men just want to communicate, but not meet. Spending time in this noncommittal way somehow builds his ego or soothes his soul. Women are compassionate listeners and empathetic friends.

Don’t Share Emotional Support Hoping for Love

However, the last thing you want to do, is pour your heart and soul into supporting some guy who seems nice, hoping he’ll come to love you and date you. In fact, don’t trade anything for love.

Women through the ages have traded sex hoping for love or cooked meals, cleaned his house and more. This is not how to get a man to love you. He has to WANT you and a relationship for this to come true. You can’t lure him into it or change him to get his love.

If he doesn’t want a relationship – that’s it, case closed.

Why support a man emotionally without meeting him or having dates? It might be somewhat satisfying, and you’ll FEEL like you’re in a relationship even though there are no hugs or kisses. BUT YOU’RE NOT IN ONE. It’s virtual, not REAL.

Either get him out on a date or say, “Bye bye.” Block him if you have to because you are serious about finding love. You don’t let men waste your time or wrap you around a little finger to be at his beck and call in case some day he agrees to meet.

If You’re Serious about Finding Love

When you are serious about finding love, you value yourself and your time. Knowing you are worthy of more than “talking,” you don’t get stuck when he texts, but doesn’t make plans. You make tough decisions like cutting off a talker/texter and blocking him because you know you DESERVE MORE.

The WHOLE ENCHILADA is what you want, and you won’t settle for anything less than a real, passionate, face-to-face relationship for an epic love that lasts and grows.

Having Trouble Finding a Decent Man?

Now, if you are having trouble FINDING a man you WANT to have coffee with, we should talk. Sometimes women have trouble getting dates and if this is happening to you, you are NOT alone. This problem is more common than you can imagine. But together we can change that.

Why continue to be left out of finding love and the man of your dreams?

Let’s have a conversation and see if we can figure out what might be going wrong and keeping you from the love you deserve. Book a phone or Skype session (it’s free) so we can figure out what’s getting in the way of connecting with the right man for the lasting love you dream of.

4 responses on “He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans – How to Turn that Around

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amber, You are wise to know not to be the one to ask. The thing about understanding man is never to ask “Why is he doing this?”. Instead, think about it this way…do I want to invest my time and energy on a man who is inconsistent with me? A man who will only chat but doesn’t want to see me? My bet is no, you don’t. You want a man who makes seeing you a priority every week. You want to feel cherished, not avoided. So, it doesn’t matter why he behaves the way he does. What matters is that you know you are worthy of better treatment. The other thing you can do is pull back on responding to his texts. Sometimes a man will wake up and realize he better pay more attention to you or risk losing you.

  2. Amber

    I definitely relate to this and am having a similar issue. I met a guy online about a month ago and we’ve been going out and seeing each other pretty regularly. But it seems like this past week, he’s not as interested in spending time with me. He has been texting me everyday to say hi and chat. I’m confused about his intentions; does he just want space? Is he stringing me along? Is he really just busy? I dont want to be the one to have to ask if we can get together because then I won’t know if he really wants to or not. But I really want to figure out what the deal is. Can you help me?

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Grace – you are so right! That’s why I recommend not texting longer than 7 days without a date. But you could make that 4 days if he’s texting daily. Just ask if he wants to talk on the phone and see if you can get a date set up. If not, move on to find a man who actually wants to meet you.

  4. Grace

    There are lots of “texting buddies” on the dating sites. They will text from morning to midnight, feigning false interest with future faking. Don’t waste precious time on these egomaniacs! They’re just bored and are texting you, while spending time and affection on their real dates. Not you.

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