Did he ever like me? Did he ever care? These are difficult questions often asked by women tempted by long distance relationships. Let me shed some light to help you understand what happens.
I Thought He Cared About Me
“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,
I met a guy last year online, but we never met. We then kept in touch sporadically, and then I knew at end January I would be in his town in July (US/UK) When I told him that, things escalated and he came to visit. We had spoken every day prior to his visit which was 8 weeks.
He does have a lot going on in his life right now. Newly divorced because his wife cheated on him, his job is not 100% settled and he is moving apartments.
His visit was wonderful (we did get intimate). But, he said, “My life is really complicated and this is complicated, and I cannot adding anything else” when he was here for only 2 of the 4 days. He seemed very attracted to me and was very affectionate.In his thank you text he said I made the visit “outstanding and very very special” and he was surprised how well we got along.
He texted once after he got back (pretty coldly) and I responded, and he had disappeared except for liking one of my Instagram posts.
Why was he so nice? Did he ever like me? Did I scare him away somehow? Why does he not even want to be friends? I have not reached out, but I feel really sad. I also do not plan to when I am there in a few months.
Thanks for your help,
So Sad in Seaside
Did He Ever Care?
Long distance relationships have many pitfalls and unfortunately you just experienced several at the same time. Sorry to hear about your broken heart and how sad you feel.
Let me answer your main question first – did he ever like me? Yes, I’m sure he did like you and care. Why would he fly to see you if he couldn’t stand you? And I”m sure he enjoyed your company. However, that is NOT enough to sustain lasting love, never mind a long distance relationship.
What do I mean? There are so many factors in this situation that lead to this disappointing ending.
Don’t Date Recently Divorced Men
He got divorced due to his wife being unfaithful. Ouch! Cheating leaves deep wounds. So, this guy needs healing. He wants to feel good about himself again and reassure himself that he’s still got game with women.
Then you two connect. You tell him you will be near him in July which showed real interest so, he probably thought how fun and EASY it would be to visit you. Anyone with a drop of romance can relate to this idea.
That means you were like a special salve to mend his broken heart. I’m sure he didn’t mean to break your heart in the process. On the other hand he was thinking only of himself, not you.
Women aren’t the only ones who enjoy romance. And what is more fun that a quick vacation for a romantic fling? Sometimes people meet at a vacation destination or they visit each other. Either way, when a long-distance guy comes to visit, this is not a “lock” that he’s serious about you.
Keep in mind a romantic fling can absolutely recharge your love life. If you’ve been without love for a long time, a fling can be a great wake up call to renew desire and motivate you to start mingling. Just don’t count on it turning into lasting love.
Why Was He So Nice?
Why wouldn’t he be nice? He wanted to enjoy himself and your company and being nice made the whole visit pleasant. I bet it was outstanding and just what his ego and heart needed. Even if he knew he’d never see you again, he probably is a nice guy. This was selfish, using you to recover from his wife’s cheating and pump up his confidence that he’s still “got it” with women.
Understanding Men and “Man Speake”
When a man says, “My life is really complicated…” what he’s really saying is I can’t be in a relationship right now. He just got divorced, his job is unstable and he’s in the middle of moving. When a man is in transition or his life is totally up in the air, he can’t think long-term.
Most guys need solid ground and stability before looking for a serious relationship. This stems from their drive to be a good provider which is coded into their DNA. Next time you are getting to know a new guy and he tells you things that indicate his life is unsettled, WALK AWAY. No matter how great a guy he is, he is not relationship ready.
Don’t hang out to see what happens and help him heal and regain stability. He might accept your help, but 99% of men then leave once they feel better to find a new woman. Why? Because looking at you reminds them of when they were weak so, they move on.
Long Distance Relationships Rarely Work
If I could get one message out to every single woman, I would say, don’t get sucked into long distance relationships. They almost never work! There is way too much stress related to not being able to see each other and local temptations. It’s so easy to have countless reasons why you just can’t get together.
If the distance is temporary (someone moves away for six months with plans to return), that’s a different story. However, if you meet a guy online from several states away or in another country, your love is DOOMED. RESIST LDRs!
Did He Ever Like Me?
I think this guy did like you but, now you can see that is not the right question. Instead what you want to think about before getting involved is:
- Does he have potential for lasting love?
- Is his life stable?
- Was he divorced at least one year ago?
- Did he said he doesn’t want anything serious, isn’t looking for a relationship, is too busy, his life is complicated, his ex is crazy, etc.
These are all Big Red Flags that you want to pay attention to and when they start to add up, go look for a better candidate.
Date with Your Head and Heart
This is how you date smart – by using your head versus relying on your heart and what FEELS good. That works in the movies, not in real life. In real life, your heart alone will get you into trouble. Be true to yourself and your desire for lasting love and don’t get side-tracked by those romantic long distance dreams.
Wishing you love,
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