How Long Should I Wait For Him To Call Before Moving On?

You ask how long should I wait for him to call me? What is the right amount of time to give a man to text or call who has stopped reaching out to you? Find out what works below.

how long should I wait for him to callWhat To Do When He Stops Contacting You

“Hi Dating and Love Coach Ronnie,

I met this guy in March when I was out with friends. We hit it off instantly and I gave him my number. He didn’t use it right away. See I’m divorced and so is he, but neither of us are looking for anything serious. We met on a Saturday night and he didn’t reach out until I texted him Wednesday. Was that the wrong move for me to make?

We ended up going out on a Friday and hit it off. But, so far he has been very inconsistent. I’m always initiating contact and have seen him two more times but only if I make the first move.

Honestly, having to make the moves is driving me crazy. I asked if he really likes me and he said yes. But, he’s so inconsistent I’m getting turned off. The last time I saw him he said his daughter would be in town so I haven’t bothered him and it’s been 5 days with no contact.

For some reason I feel he’s not that interested. Should keep texting him? I feel I should sit back and see if he texts but how long should I wait for him to call or text before I move on?

Thanks!
Waiting in Wellington”

Dear Waiting,

I sense some confusion about different dating topics from your question so I will answer them one-by-one.

6 Dating Questions Answered

1.Nothing Serious – Let me start with how you aren’t looking for anything serious. I’m sorry to disagree but I think you want more.

When a person says they aren’t looking for anything serious, this usually means something casual without commitment. But you want his attention and reach out to make it happen. That is NOT the action of a woman avoiding anything serious. You want to see him on a regular basis and that is not casual.

Be honest with yourself. You might not want to get married, but seems to me you do want to see a man on a regular basis.

2. Texting First – Is it wrong to text a man first? Not really. The point of dating is to observe a man’s behavior. He didn’t ask you out until you texted first. That is a piece of information to notice because it is consistent with his later actions where you had to take the lead. How long should you wait for him to text you first? A week maybe but then you can decide if it’s worth texting him.

3. Making the Moves – I get that you are tired of making the first move. So, I’m curious – why do you keep doing it? When a man doesn’t step up to pursue you, he’s letting you know he is a beta man who will never step up and rather follow your lead. Or he’s not that interested. The latter seems to be true.

His inconsistency drives you crazy but you are the one keeping this thing going. You might want to read about the Ballroom Dancing Principle of Dating which explains why it’s so much better to let the man lead for the start of dating.

4. Asking Him If He Likes You – Think about it. If you ask a man this direct question, can you really imagine him saying, “No I don’t really like you that much.” There’s no good way to answer that question without just saying “yes” even if it’s not true.

Like I said above, to know how interested a man is, you watch what he DOES. Does he call you at least once a week, text every few days and take you on at least one date a week? Not this guy – you are doing all the work and he is coming along for the ride.

Just because a man responds to your texts or requests to get together, doesn’t mean he’s really interested. He might be lonely, bored or have nothing else to do. You might be a place a holder – good enough for now until a better woman comes along. But it sure doesn’t indicate he’s really into you. If he was – he would PURSUE YOU.

5. You Don’t Think He’s Interested – Good call! You are right about that and instinctively know this. Now, next time this happens with a guy, you’ll know better than to keep trying to make it work.

If you are trying to figure out how interested a man really is, stop reaching out to him! That’s the only way to learn if he’s really interested. Don’t do all the work – that’s will never turn into satisfying love. Let him go and look for a man who is interested and shows you that.

6. It’s Been 5 Days! – How interested can a man be if he hasn’t contacted you in five days? That’s another sign he’s not into you enough.

How Long Should I Wait for Him to Call?

I would think after a week of not reaching out and not hearing from him, he is not the right man for you. Who wants a guy that detached? Not you I hope. No excuses are valid. Not you of town guests, work, or even health will do. If a man is interested, he will stay in touch, not go silent or disappear.

Letting You Down Easy

A lot of men hate to be the bearer of bad news. They resist telling you they aren’t really interested. Instead, they are passive and hope you get fed up and go away. So, while I appreciate your tenacious nature, it’s working against you here.

You Get One Shot

I understand it’s hard to wait around to see what a man will do. So, you get one chance to reach out to a guy who hasn’t started seeing you or one shot at contacting him after he stops connecting. More than that and you are at risk of keeping things alive and stressing yourself out. Don’t do it.

The final word on how long should I wait for him to call before moving on is that you’ve already done more than your share. Stop contacting him and move on. There’s a better man out there who wants to spend time with you. Free yourself up so he can find you.

10 responses on “How Long Should I Wait For Him To Call Before Moving On?

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jen, I’m sure it was bad to bring up something old if it never got resolved. Don’t beat yourself up. If you can’t have an open conversation, that is not a healthy relationship. I know he seems like your soulmate, but what kind of soulmate shuts you out? That’s called “stonewalling” which is immature and unyielding. Is that loving or supportive? No! His behavior makes it impossible to have a healthy, lasting relationship if you can’t talk about things. That way of treating you means it’s only his way or the highway. Very selfish. How will you ever grow and deepen your relationship? My advice would be to DECIDE he’s not the right guy and move on to find a man who loves you enough to TALK to you. And if he contacts you down the road, block him to save yourself years of more heartache.

  2. Jen

    I was seeing a guy on and off years, so we got official last year. I lent him money because he was stuck. We had a row January 6th and haven’t spoken since. I brought up something that happened 5 years ago. Yes I know I was stupid, but I’m done beating myself up over it. So now I’m wondering do I contact him or wait for him to contact me. If it’s done it’s done. I just want closure and don’t want to move on and then he pops back into my life because in my eyes he is my soulmate.

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Alouette – thanks for sharing the “insider view.” All great advice except one little bit – there are no social baseline courtesies. While it sure would be nice, unfortunately too many people can’t be bothered with basic courtesy. Appreciate when you see it and feel free to use this as a measure of a man’s worthiness to date. But if you expect courtesy, you will always be offended and disappointed. Some people just don’t care, so when you run into them, turn and run the other way. But don’t let them take your power by being offended and hurt – that’s just a waste of valuable time which has the potential to keep you from finding the love you deserve. The faster you move on, the better off you will be which is basically the same advice you are giving.

  4. Alouette de Mer

    There are some baseline social courtesies which are common to all relationships, serious and not serious. Some men run hot and then cold, burn hot and then burn out. Others like the thrill of the chase, but once a woman shows interest, they run like scalded cats…”Oh my God, what have I done? She’s getting serious!” Those men are players. If a man won’t stay in touch, drop him cold. You owe nothing to him. But beware he may reappear to play the pity card saying, “What’s wrong, don’t you like me anymore?” scripted mantra. That’s proves he’s a player. Move on. There are lots of men who are NOT players. Have self-respect and don’t tolerate being something on his to-do list for when he has time. Don’t take offense at his silence either. It’s not personal – he treats all women this way. Such men “collect” women for bragging rights among other men. I’m a transgendered woman so I know exactly how men think, manipulate women and brag to their buddies about “conquests.” Don’t be a part of it.

  5. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ness, Sometimes men are great to “talk to” bu not so great at being together live and in person. He wanted to meet you and now that it’s behind him, sounds to me like he’s done. If he really thought you were the right one for him, would he really not call for a week? No way! You know that makes no sense so he’s all talk to boost his ego or because he’s not capable of a real relationship. The most important thing to remember about what a man says vs. does is that only his actions matter. He can SAY anything, but what does he do to be with you? In this case nothing, so that’s how you know he’s not for real. Time to move on Ness, there’s nothing happening with this guy.

  6. ness

    i have been talking to this guy for a year and we didn’t formally start talking until a few months ago. i really like him and he has told me he feels the same way. we used to talk every night until 2 in the morning. i love talking to him he makes me laugh. we hung out and it was okay a little awkward but that’s expected. he said he wanted to hang after the first time. i didn’t hear from him for a week after. i finally decided to take charge and i called him. we talked for about 10 minutes and he seemed very uninterested. i’m confused because he has been telling me he likes me and that i’m the right person but then he doesn’t call or put in the effort. i have considered moving on but i always come back to him because i like him so much. i don’t know what to do and i’m tearing myself up over this. please help. am i getting played?

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Geraldine, Sorry to tell you he’s no longer interested and there’s nothing you can do except pull away also. I don’t care what other people say, if he’s into you , he’ll want to see you. Since he’s gone quiet, he’s ghosted. rust me he was NOT sick – hat was just another excuse. There’s no way to know why which I’m sure bothers you. But, the most important thing is: You discovered within a month that he’s not the right man for you. When a guy disappears, even though it’s hard emotionally, count your blessings. You are free to find a better man who values you and wants to spend time with you. That’s what you want – not a man who cancels and plays sick to avoid you. This is a time to value yourself, know you are a great catch and face the future with your head high knowing this.

  8. Geraldine

    Hi Dating and Love Coach Ronnie, I’ve been seeing this guy for a month. It was going great. We weren’t rushing into a relationship and he was really sweet. We have quite a bit in common and he initiated the next date during the date. We text everyday. Things went “downhill” when he cancelled a date because of work. He apologized, asked to postpone and I was was okay with that. He was unusually quiet the next day, so I texted asking if he was okay and turned out he was sick (which I do believe). I didn’t text him for two days, thinking he would. But he didn’t. So I sent him a text. “Hey, you’ve gone quiet. Are you okay? :)” His replied, “Hey 🙂 I’m feeling better, but still a bit sick. I kept my answers short and ended with “have a good weekend.” He didn’t reply and it’s been 4 days. I do like this guy a lot. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been looking at articles and videos on “what to do when a guy pulls away” and there seems to be conflicting decisions in my mind.
    Help please 🙁 Thank you.

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Mira, Yes he’s a player. Men don’t announce they’re falling in love on the first date, even if it’s true. He just wanted to sleep with you. He kept tried again for second date, but his game didn’t work on you. Now you haven’t seen him again. That let’s you know his sweet words mean nothing. You are smart enough to spot a liar because you knew something wasn’t right. Should you give up? Absolutely! He’s a con out for sex. Block him immediately and look for another man who seems more real. Love at first site happens on ultra rare occasions, but even then men don’t claim to be in love and ask for exclusivity on the first date – that is a man saying what he thinks a woman wants to hear so he can sweep you off your feet and get you into bed. Women beware! If it sounds too good to be true, IT IS! Sorry this has happened to you but thankfully it was just two dates.

  10. Mira

    I met a man online. We connected messaging and talking on the phone for almost 2 hours each time. He told me, “You’re the kind of woman I could fall in love with.” We met and had instant chemistry. He wanted sex but I refused. Second date, when he told me, “I want you to fall in love with me…I’m falling for you” he pushed again for sex, but it was too fast for me. Now I haven’t seen him in a month. I’ve been away for two weeks. He texted every 3 or 4 days. I expressed my suspicions that he’s a player given all the sweet words. He denied it by text and told me I should trust him. “We could be so happy together.” I’ve been back for a week and he hasn’t texted or called to meet. I called him after I got back but he didn’t answer. I got a text the next morning ‘damn I missed your call’, but no call from him. I called again the next night and still no call back. Do I give up? Was I being played? I saw he is back online again. He was off for a while, saying me he wanted us to be exclusive. I brushed it off when he said that as it was after our first date and I thought it was just a line.

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