Ronnie, does he like me? He says he does but, I still feel confused. I can’t get him to plan a date. Here’s the straight-forward advice you’re searching for
Does He Like Me? I Can’t Tell
Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,
I met this guy from Tinder 5 months ago and we’ve been talking on a daily basis ever since. We went on a date once and it was a fine date. He paid for my drinks, we hugged and he texted that night to follow up on what I thought about the date.
We lived in different cities, 2-hours apart. I initiated the first meeting with him and I told him I was visiting some friends because I didn’t want to seem desperate. Last month I was in his neighborhood again and I dropped him a hint so he would ask me out. He asked how long my stay was, but, didn’t ask me out and haven’t had a date since. Yet, we still text everyday.
In text, he did mention that he is looking for someone to settle down with and I seem like the person he would like to do so with but, he cannot decide until we meet a few times more. I have too many emotions invested so I texted him this:
“I’m aware that we should both still be in an open relationship but, since I’ve invested emotionally towards you while you’re still looking around, I’d like to take some time off”.
I wasn’t expecting a reply, but he said that he’s not looking around, but still thinks that we should meet more frequently.
Am I being to pushy? Does he really need to meet me up more often because he has doubts about a long distance relationship? I tried not to initiate first and he texted me back, even early in the morning which is really confusing to me right now. Hope you can help me on this.
Thanks Ronnie, 🙂
How to Know He Likes You
I’m going to be very direct with you because you are asking for the truth. And while it would be helpful for this one situation, wouldn’t it be great if you could apply this to all future men? My goal is to help you GET this so you don’t
have to go through this again.
I’m not trying to be mean at all and do have compassion for you because I went through this stuff too when I was single. I only wish someone had told me the TRUTH about how to understand men and the things men do and say.
Think about this objectively, as if you were listening to this same story about a guy she likes and feels confused about. As if someone else was telling the story to you…
You ask with one date in 5 months, does he like me? That’s NOT the right question. The real question is, “IS HE SERIOUS ABOUT ME?” Liking you isn’t enough because he must like you to talk to you for 5 months. When you ask is he serious about you, with only one date in 5 months the answer is clear – NO WAY. NOT A CHANCE.
Now you may be wondering, “Why is he still texting me? Well, he’s boosting his ego or enjoying the conversation. However, there is absolutely NO genuine relationship because you are not SEEING each other and it’s been months! Even if you had one date in one month, I would tell you this or even one date in 3 weeks means he’s still not serious.
And if a guy sees you 3 times in 6 weeks, (a date every two weeks), he’s STILL NOT SERIOUS. Perhaps he’s casually interested, but not serious.
How Can You Tell a Man Is Serious?
This is the basic run down on what to look for to know if a man is serious about you. He wants to see you at least once a week and as weeks go by more often. The guy calls you to talk at least once a week and then texts in between. He wants to get to know you and demonstrates he cares about your happiness by trying to please you. A man who is serious always makes an EFFORT to SEE YOU.
Texting, FaceTime, talking on the phone, Facebook or Snapchat – these alone are NOT a relationship. Read this post on my blog about texting, if you haven’t already.
Am I Being Too Pushy?
Expecting more than one date in 5 months is definitely NOT pushy. How can you have a real relationship if you do not get together? So, you hinted and then you tried the direct approach telling him you are emotionally invested and none of it has worked, leaving you feeling confused and most likely frustrated.
I get you and I have felt the same, before I got wise to men and dating, which is why I now do this as my job. My mission is to help other women avoid suffering.
Now you were trying to push him away a bit with that text to see what he would say and he came back with something to keep you around. sadly this was pure manipulation on his part because he’s not following through to see you.
Understand What a Man Says vs. What He Does
Key fact about dating: What a man says means nothing if he doesn’t back it up with this ACTIONS. He doesn’t want you to see others and says he wants to see you more often. He thinks you are the kind of person he’d like to settle down with.
Really? Where is his PROOF of that? NOWHERE! If he wanted to see you, he’d make time. But he does not. That means this is a line of bullsh*t a mile long meant to keep you hanging and under his magical spell.
Emotional Attachment and Investment
This is EXACTLY why you do NOT want to text or talk to a man for weeks and months without dating. Feelings start to grow and you get emotionally invested in a man who has no intention of making you his girlfriend. Totally understandable how this happens. You feel a connection, invest more time, and then are emotionally attached even though he has not proven he is worthy of sharing your heart.
NEVER tell a man you are emotionally invested if he is not expressing his feelings through words AND ACTIONS. If you were a poker player this would be called “showing you hand”. You can’t win the game if the other players see your cards right?
Once a man knows you’re invested without his taking steps to make you his girlfriend, he’ll stop trying. Game over. And this guy hasn’t even done any work to win you over to begin with. Men like a little bit of resistance or mystery. There’s no mystery now that he holds all the cards and you are empty handed.
Avoid being boldly honest UNLESS you are willing to walk away when the guy does nothing to please you or measure up to the bar you set. Maybe that is what you planned by telling him you wanted to take some time off. Then he surprised you by saying he wants to see you, so that confused you. It’s just empty words though on his part.
Long Distance Relationships Stink
Women from all over the world write to me about some guy who lives a few hours away or countries away. Sadly, the questions boil down to the same thing because long distance relationships (LDR) are almost ALWAYS unfulfilling and impossible to work out.
You might feel emotionally attached, but it is an incomplete relationship because you do not get to see each other for a proper relationship to blossom and grow. Over 99.999999% of LDRs DO NOT WORK OUT! Unfortunately, the vast majority of women think their situation is a little different than what I’m talking about this so feel this doesn’t apply to them. Which brings me to the word “HOPE”.
Hope is a 4-Letter Word
Never wait around hoping some guy will decide he’s interested in you. Men are either interested or not. No amount of waiting and hoping will ever turn things around. Neither talking to him or trying to understand him will make him become the boyfriend you were HOPING he could be or once was.
HOPE has an important role in life. In case of dire or life-threatening illness, hope is essential and quite a valuable tool. It’s good for hoping you pass a test after studying hard. Hoping everything wasn’t ruined in a fire before you have time to check makes sense. Hoping your lost pet will return is totally appropriate.
Hope is useful in all the above mentioned circumstances. But, you can WASTE YEARS of your life (and I’ve seen it happen too often) hoping a man will want to marry you. Or maybe you’ll relate better to this, hoping for a second date and wasting 5 months of your precious life. Keep hope out of your dating life.
The Quick Answer to Does He Like Me?
I provided a lot of dating advice here on many topics and now I’m ready to sum things up.
He might like you but, he’s not serious about you and never will be. Stop wasting your precious time hoping he’ll turn around. And in the future, don’t tell a man you like him hoping he’ll suddenly become the boyfriend you been waiting for. A man is either the boyfriend you want or he’s NOT.
Get on Tinder and Bumble and swipe right for LOCAL men which will make your dating and love life a heck of a lot easier than this long distance stuff that rarely, almost never works out.
I hope (this is another good place for this four letter word) you found this helpful and I wish you love with all my heart. Having read this post, you are more prepared than ever to find the right man for you.
I’d also recommend you buy my book MANifesting Mr. Right or someone else’s book to learn about dating and men. Knowing what to look for and understanding when men are not serious or showing real promise will dramatically improve your chances of finding love and speed up the process.
Lots of Love,