What’s up with this? He asked me out but didn’t set a time! This mixed signal from men makes dating so confusing. Here’s my dating advice about what this is about.
You’ve been chatting with this guy who seems GREAT! The conversation flows, the texting is fun and you really click. It’s been so long since you met a decent man and he could be it! When you first start to connect, it’s very exciting and you get your hope up thinking, “This guy has real potential!”
As you look forward to time together to really enjoy the chemistry, you might be thinking about all the fun the two of you will have. You get pumped up and are seriously looking forward to meeting him.
Maybe you’ve been texting for a few weeks now. You start to get a little impatient and wonder, “OK, when are you going to meet him already?” Haven’t we all been there?
You talked about getting together, but nothing came of it. He asked me out but didn’t set a time. Also, he mentioned last weekend and said he’d call, but you didn’t hear from him. Hmmm, what’s that about? He said he was really busy and had surprise guests. Well, it’s possible. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
He Asks You Out But Plans Are Vague
He did make plans that one time, then had to cancel because of a work emergency. That sounds reasonable. Last time you brought it up he said this week was super busy too but, next week looks good. His planning overall seem kind of, well…vague.
So, how can you move things along? Or should you hang back and wait until he makes a clear and definite plan? What is the right thing to do without blowing it big time?
He Asked Me Out But, Didn’t Set a Time. Why?
One thing that can help you decide on your next step is to understand what is really going on with him. Once you have a clue about what is causing him to be so vague you will have a better idea of the course that makes the most sense.
Here are three reasons why he’s keeping things lose with you:
1.Dating is NOT His Top Priority – He’s a busy guy with work, training or family which is why even though you are fun to text with and occasionally talk to, he just can’t seem to make a real plan. Recognize that he’s not trying to be evasive. He simply has too much on his plate.
No matter what a great guy he is, this man is NOT relationship material right now. he can’t make dating or you a priority. Do you want to date a man who cancels all the time and doesn’t make an effort to spend time with you? If he can’t do it for a first or second date, this behavior will not improve.
Should you wait around until his big life goals are all set and he can focus on you? I HOPE NOT! Never put your life on hold for a man you barely know thinking he could be the one. His emotional and physical unavailability make him the WRONG man for you.
2. He’s Keeping His Options Open – When you are first getting to know any man, you should expect that he’s dating others. You should be too. Until you reach exclusivity, you are a free agent to find the best possible partner. This makes total sense if you want to find a compatible match and lasting love.
However, when a man can’t seem to nail down a date, time and place, he’s not really trying. He’s just putting you in a holding pattern to see what else is out there that might be better. Or he’s hanging on to you while he waits to see if any of the current women bail on him. Either way, this is not good news for you.
3. He’s a Collector – There are some men who have no intention of meeting any women. They simply want the fun and ego boot of connecting and texting. Some guys long for a woman to talk to – someone who has great empathy, compassion and understanding. So, they take advantage of your good nature. Men like this know women like to help.
My dating advice is to never trade emotional support hoping he’ll love you. In a way, this is no difference as trading anything else (like sex) for love. Women who choose this route end up disappointed, heartbroken and sadly, alone. Don’t allow the hope of meeting him some day or having a first or second date keep you locked into a man who has no time for you. That’s a surefire way to stay single.
How Can You Get Him to Make a Real Date?
Some dating experts would say, “Abandon ship with this guy and move on. He’s going to waste your time.” And that could be totally true. Sometimes a client won’t want to let go that quickly.
If the man seems like a really good catch, they ask for another way. Then I recommend trying this, “Let’s meet and see if there is any chemistry. I’m free Thursday for a cup of coffee (glass of wine, beer, etc.). If he hesitates, says he’ll get back to you, or sets up a date then cancels, cross him off your list!
Once in a while, this some how gets the ball rolling. A quality man will agree to a day, time and place and if he enjoys your company will ask you out again. Men know exactly what to do if they want to see you. Don’t think he must be too shy – that is total nonsense! So, if you try this technique and you don’t end up on a date within a few days, that’s your signal loud and clear to MOVE ON.
What To Do When a Man Doesn’t Make a Plan
If you are still asking yourself why, “He asked me out but didn’t set a time?” here’s what you can do. Cut to the chase sooner. The first time a man asks you out, saying something like, “Would you like to go out with me?” say: “I’d love to. When were you thinking?” If he says, “Thursday,” but doesn’t pick a place, ask him, “Where were you thinking?” Don’t get off the phone without setting a specific time.
If he says he’ll get back to you, but doesn’t, don’t leave time open for him. Go out with friends or another man if you are asked. Should he leave it loose like, “Let’s talk over the weekend,” you can respond with, “Sure, I’m pretty busy so, I hope you catch me.”
Remember two people can play this game, but as a smart woman, you won’t play for long! Never be afraid to walk away from a guy who can’t make a date or keep one. There are better men out there and sometimes walking away with your dignity builds the confidence you need to meet the right man!
If you want to learn more about common mistakes women make, get your copy of 7 Dire Dating Mistake that Keep You Single