He Pursued Me, Then Disappeared! Understanding Men

He pursued me then disappeared – What does that mean? Why would a guy act so into me then stop and ghost me? Here are five possible reasons he pulled away.

He pursued me then disappearedWhy a Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off

I’m guessing if you are reading this post, some guy did this to you. He came on strong and seemed so into you. Then suddenly he just vanished. Poof! Gone.

This is one of the most aggravating things about dating. Things are going great. You enjoy each other’s company and look forward to seeing him.  He seems to get you which feels great. While getting to know each other, you are having so much fun!

Then he pulls away and you are left wondering what the heck happened. You examine every conversation looking for something you said or did wrong. You blame yourself even if you can’t find anything to point to that would cause this.

His disappearance is maddening, upsetting and disconcerting! Your world just got turned upside down. How could this be? Everything was going so smoothly. You know he liked you too. Now what? You wonder if there is anything you can or should do to get him back.

Why do men do this kind of thing? It sometimes seems like an epidemic right? There are as many reasons for this behavior as there are men who do it. But I’m going to share five of the biggest reasons with you below.

1.Busy with Work or Study

A man who is very busy proving himself in his career or loving his work, that’s his first priority. Same thing is true for studying to get his degree. Which automatically means you are NOT his top priority. So you come after everything about work or school that needs his attention first. If that doesn’t appeal to you, then you know he’s not the right guy.

2. Dating Other Women

When you first start seeing a guy and you’ve only had a few dates, assume he’s seeing other women. This could be exactly why he disappeared – he got interested in or distracted by someone else. If you’ve only had a few dates it can be a disappointment, but not that big a deal.

Don’t let yourself get too much invested in a man you’ve seen just  2-4 times. Hopefully you know how to avoid premature attachment to men you are still vetting over 6-10 weeks.

3. Not Happy with Himself

When a man is not happy with himself, his life or his career, he just can’t make you his main priority. Being unsettled creates a feeling of not being a good “provider” which gets in the way of building a strong relationship for men. Unfortunately, this is not something you can help a man get through. He has to find his way and this is definitely a reason why a man might disappear.

4. Doesn’t Want a Relationship

Some guys know they do not want a relationship. They don’t want ties, the expectations or the responsibility of being attached to a woman. It could feel like a giant weight hanging around his neck, holding him back from what he knows he needs to do. Don’t feel offended – this is not about you. It’s all him baby.

5. Needs Healing after Divorce or Breakup

You may think that you’ve met a great guy needs help getting over his ex. DON’T GET SUCKED IN! You might actually help him recover, but then 99.99% of men will skip out and move on to the next relationship. Happnes all the time.

This is because you remind him of a painful time when he was weak and needed help and so he wants to give himself as much space from that AND you as possible. That’s the thanks you’ll get for helping him. Don’t try to trade your nurturing for his love because you will not be rewarded.

6. Prefers to Keep It Casual

All men are not relationship ready. Some don’t want to get serious so they keep things casual. It’s easier and they avoid getting entangled in something demanding or restricting. When you are in a relationship you have to consider the other persons feelings, wants and desires. On the other hand, when casual – anything goes. There are no rules.

Some guys catch on that you want something more serious, so they disappear. Men do this thinking it’s nicer and less confrontational than some ugly emotional scene when you realize he’s not going to stick around.

7. Not Sure How He Feels

If you’ve been seeing a guy for several weeks and everything is going beautifully, then he suddenly disappears, there’s one more possible reason. He’s not sure how he feels about you. A lot of men need space to figure out emotional issues. This is where talk of the ‘Man Cave” comes in. They retreat to gain strength.

Now if he comes back in a week, that’s good news. He may have decided to move forward with you and your relationship. However, longer than 7 – 10 days doesn’t bode well. He’s withdrawn because he’s out and is no longer interested.

Countless articles have been written by experts promising ways to get your ex back. For the vast majority of situations, there’s NO WAY to get him back. It’s a harsh truth but, the only way a man returns to the relationship is IF HE WANTS TO.

The Biggest Mistake Women Make

Most women think if they could just understand what went wrong and talk to him, they could make things work. Nothing is further from the truth. Yet, the first reaction is to text, call, text, email. You might feel driven to reach out non-stop to get a hold of him and find out what happened.

Sadly, pushing to talk does not work. You know this is true because if he wanted to talk, he’d respond or reach out. He knows how to communicate but, he is CHOOSING NOT TO. Worse still, if there was any hope of him ever returning, you’ve just put the last nail in the coffin, killing that possibility by appearing weak and desperate.

He Pursued Me Then Disappeared! What Can I Do?

There is ONE THING you can do when a man disappears – NOTHING. Yes, leave him alone. Do not contact him, text him or call him. Don’t think that if you could talk to him, you could make things right. Move on with your life and leave him totally alone. Time apart might make him miss you and that alone could bring him back.

So if you’re wondering “why he pursued me then disappeared”, now you have seven reasons. Take note – none of them are about YOU. Not how you weren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or successful enough. Nope, all seven reasons are about HIM.

Don’t blame yourself for his disappearance. Most likely, the reason he pulled away was not your fault. Take time to heal and get over him. Then move on to find a better man. A man who is relationship ready and knows you are the one for him. He IS out there, so do not give up! It’s never too late for love.

If you want to know how to smarten up about dating, get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single.

6 responses on “He Pursued Me, Then Disappeared! Understanding Men

  1. Tee

    Hi I’m so confused. This guy I knew 10 years ago showed up in my inbox begging for another chance. We have found out we have so much in common even moved to the same state.
    He asked me to be in a relationship with him soon after dating for a few weeks. It was Beautiful and my prayers had been answered. He wasn’t a stranger so I felt safe with him. We are both active in church he’s even a “preacher”. Long story short he became inconsistent, no more dates. I reached out to him first and when I would wait it out to see if he would he wouldn’t contact me. I saw he was more important to me than I was to him. I was not a priority. It’s been 4 years since dating and I finally got someone I thought was worthy. Now my heart is broken. He’s telling me he didn’t hurt me, which makes me confused and more hurt. I never wanted to experience this pain again. It’s only 2 months and my heart has been destroyed by a guy that told me we would be each other’s last.

  2. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Tee, I know this is hurtful but if you close yourself off to love, you’ll never find it again. So you made a mistake. He certainly misrepresented himself! Even a preacher can be a heart breaker, insensitive and a liar. The mistake you made is trusting him BECAUSE you knew him. Every man you date needs to prove himself over time. If you hadn’t known him would you be this upset? You probably would have been more guarded to protect yourself. Give it some time because that does heal wounds. You’ll start to feel better in a few weeks. Then next time you date, don’t give your heart away so quickly. There are no guarantees in life and especially in love. Take time to get to know a man – 8-12 weeks of consistent dating before you decide he’s “The One”.

  3. Rita

    Hi Ronnie, I have been dating a guy for 2.5 months and met on Tinder. I really like him. We see each other once or twice a week. He always makes plan for the next date and we always have very good time. He talks about his personal life and he met my friends to hike last weekend. When he forgot his water bottle, we met and he invited me into his office and we saw his coworker. He introduced me as his friend. Two weeks ago, he held my hands when we walked on the street, but never again. He paid for my dinner twice and I bought him some drinks. There’s little communication between dates – he disappears. I initiate texting and he replies within 30-60 minutes, but keeps it short. He contacts me a day before to confirm our date. He only called once and we haven’t been physical except hugs and kiss goodbye. I feel frustrated with him and that he doesn’t like me enough. I see other guys to keep my options open, but so far I haven’t met other guys who I am interested in. I don’t know if I continue hanging out with this guy is a waste of time.

  4. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Rita, I can see why you are frustrated! Sounds like he wants to keep things causal so, he’s not the right guy for you. Luckily you haven’t shut down your options. And you recognize he doesn’t like you enough to get a solid relationship going.

    Just because you haven’t found someone else yet, doesn’t make him the “only guy out there”. Sometimes, letting go of the wrong guy opens the door for the right one. You could just end things. Or you could stop initiating texts to see what he does. If he reaches out- then see what happens next. But if he waits til the day before your next date again, cut your losses. I would think you’d want a man who is passionate about you, and this guy isn’t.

  5. Amy

    Hi Ronnie, I went on a great date last week, and left feeling like I had met the one. The guy texted me before I got home that night, saying he had a great time and couldn’t wait to see me again and then he even texted me the following day. Since then, we tried to make plans but we both had planned commitments so I told him to let me know when he’s free next. He mentioned he was very busy with work this week, so I have backed off and haven’t contacted him. But it’s been 4 days with no contact, surely him sending me a text wouldn’t hurt? He is not interested? Thanks! Amy

  6. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amy, You might not want to hear this but while he seems like a great guy, you know nothing about him yet. Maybe he is the one, but it will take time to know for sure. Definitely more than one date. He’s already given you the “I’m so busy excuse.” Now it’s been 4 days. Before texting that wouldn’t be considered a problem. If he doesn’t connect for a full week, then you may have discovered that he isn’t the one. The right man for you would want to get to know you and be in touch so he might be disqualifying himself as I write this. If after 7-10 days you don’t hear from him, then you will know he’s not genuinely interested, no matter how much fun you had together. If you want to keep from getting your heart broken, don’t jump to conclusions. Keep yourself in the present moment by saying to yourself, he seems good, but I’ll see.”

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