Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? Don’t text him! This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting Him - woman textingIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting.

Texting is fun! Sometimes it’s fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees.

Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. Texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

Texting On and Off

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically.

There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went.

Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you.

So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

should I text him man with jacket over shoulderDoes he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult?

I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.”

Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing.

You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are.

A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you.

You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Understand Dating

Many Women Don't Understand Dating

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option.

They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing, there is one leader and one follower.

As a woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

Follow His Lead

The same thing is true at the start of dating.

Follow a man’s lead:

  • If he texts, text him back.
  • If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER.

This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40.

It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think about dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE.

But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

Don’t Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you.

They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose are men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right?

This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him?

Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than a week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one.

The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.


When you don’t text him, observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential.

If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting.


181 thoughts on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men”

  1. Hi Ronnie! I reconnected with a coworker – we had mutual attraction. We’d been talking for weeks, and he came to California (He’s in Texas, military) for the holidays and drove down to see me. Just friendly until we kissed. After, we talked/facetimed everyday. In two weeks his birthday was coming up and he wanted me to fly out for a couple of days around his birthday. We had an amazing time. I come back home and he says he misses me and sweet stuff. However, he was more careless and missed two FaceTimes. Last week I FaceTimed him and within 3 minutes he remembered it was his grandma’s birthday so he wanted to call her and I said “ok just call me after” and he said ok. The next morning he sends me a good morning text and I tell him sarcastically “thank you for calling me back I truly appreciate it” and he replied fell asleep talking to his Mom. I felt like he was lying. Its been a week and he hasn’t tried to message me. I don’t know what this means. He was the last to text and I never replied but I feel like if he truly cared he would have asked if something was wrong at this point…

    • Hi Stephanie, Sadly, he’s no longer interested. And I think you know that but it’s hard to handle. He had a fun birthday with you, but that’s probably all he wanted. That stinks, but it happens all the time. His ghosting/disappearance can only mean ONE THING – he’s not interested. so I agree with you – if he cared he would have contact you by now. It’s time to let him go and look for another. Don’t give the is guy another chance or hod a candle for him. You deserve better treatment anyway. Maybe reconnecting with him has rekindled your desire for a relationship? IF so, please look locally. Long distance almost never works out.

  2. Hi
    I connected with a guy a on dating site early 2019. Both mid 40’s, divorced etc. Then a couple of months later i reconnected in the dating app. I deleted his number first time and then we began texting. Once again we both couldnt make a date due to schedules. Then i reconnected him again and went to his place and the attraction was physical. Then due to working away we met a couple of weeks later and again we slept with each other. He asked if i had been initmate with another man which i was upset which i hadnt been i asked if he had he said no. Then as time went on the smses went silent. He initiated i replied and then thats it. It as 3 weeks ago. I have no idea whats going on.

    • Hi Naomi, What’s going on is that he’s not really available and sorry to say, perhaps not that interested. He’s not available time wise which is clear from scheduling issues. It is possible that sleeping with you a couple of times was his main ambition and now he’s satisfied and/or looking for another. It happens all the time.

      This is especially true about men who ghost like he did with months between messages. My advice is to stay clear of men who message, ghost, message etc. Lack of consistency is a sign of lack of availability. Not good. Also hot chemistry doesn’t indicate the promise of lasting love or being good partners. I know that’s a bummer, but true. If you had two enjoyable encounters with him, that’s not a bad thing.

      Sometimes this reignites your desire for love and you’ll get serious about looking for the kind of relationship you want. If that’s true, be sure you get clear on how you want a man to treat you. Ghosting for three weeks means he should be totally off your list. In fact, deleting his number after he ghosted back in the beginning was probably the smartest thing you could have done. In the future, trust your instincts!

  3. Hi Ronnie, a guy I’m interested in expressed interest by messaging me on instagram. We planned to see each other at an event, he offered me a drink but I was taking a break and he understood. We missed each other the rest of the night. A couple days later I messaged him and we talked for a few days. It eventually stopped and a couple weeks later he messaged me on snapchat. Since then we’ve casually chatted a couple times a week for 2 months. We also saw each other at his friend’s party. I only went because my friend convinced me to come bc he’d be there. When I went, the guy kind of hovered near me but didn’t talk much. A lot of people tell me he’s shy. Last week my friend advised to “take control” and be more forward. I did and he asked for my number. I hinted that talking online sucks and in person conversations are better and he suggested we go for a drink sometime. I asked when and he said that we’ll figure it out because he was going up north for the weekend. I wished him a fun trip and he said we’ll talk. He hasn’t contacted me since (a week ago) which is confusing considering what’s happened, but I’ve decided to “disappear on him” as this article states. What do you think or what advice do you have?

    • Hey Twinkle, You are confused because he said one thing and did another. When men are inconsistent and send mixed signals, it’s not from being SHY. He knows how to schedule a date. Now, there’s nothing wrong with you being forward ONE TIME to see if the guy comes around. He seemed positive but now he’s ghosting – its been a week. And that tells you he’s not that interested. Because if he was, he’d have already set up that date and seen you. If you are smart, you’ll let this go graciously and simply look elsewhere. Either he doesn’t want a relationship or (and please forgive me for saying this) he doesn’t want one with you.

  4. What are the rules for texting a guy in this situation:
    A guy I went on a couple of dates with (he lives an hour away), told me with his job and current issues with one of his twin daughters that he cannot do a relationship. With anyone. I said okay, and understood. Well after that text he would randomly text me checking in. A couple of weeks ago he texted me out of the blue telling me to be careful because a bad snow storm was going to be in our area. I appreciated the thought behind that, and realize he’s probably seeing if I still have interest in him. Well, with his job he works nights and we do have a storm headed in. Do I make the move and randomly text him to be careful? My last text to him said that I hoped he wouldn’t be a stranger and I enjoyed hearing from him. He sent the kiss emoji. So do I wait for him to text ? I’m fully aware that we may only end up casually seeing one another.

    • Hi TinaKa, Okay I’m going to be very direct here and point out he has already said he can’t do a relationship. So you are OK with casual? Casual means all on his terms. Ask yourself if this is something you want – a man you can’t count on, who doesn’t want a relationship, but might contact you occasionally when it suits him? There are no rules for this since there is nothing to spoil. You are free to text him or not. For me, I would block him. He might be a good person, but he is emotionally and physically unavailable and will most likely cause you heartache. I think you deserve more than that, but that’s just me.

  5. Wondering how I might apply or if this can be applied to my situation. Scenario: both 40’s, independent and single and he is absolutely gorgeous. Women want him and he knows it. We dated a few months in 2018, up until he dropped me right before getting deployed. The excuse was “I deserve a man who is going to he around and not take off every time! Someone who isn’t at risk of never coming home. (At the time 3 important family members had cancer and 1 was about to die). A year passes and I could not get him out of my head – Zero contact! Until one day in December 2019, we reconnected. Met up, talked (he remembered everything) only to find out he is going out on a dangerous journey 3 weeks later. (His job is more important than I thought). Prior to leaving, he tells me “we are destiny; meant to be together!” We can communicate through a messaging service, but we really didn’t discuss our relationship. QUESTION: Can I still apply this method on a guy who is concentrating on a dangerous mission, knowing his mind is somewhere else? I don’t want him to think he’s forgotten but at the same time don’t want it to seem like I’m needy or put him on a digital string. Last we communicated was on New Years Day.

    • Hi CJ, I’m so sorry to say this, but this man who gives you the tiniest crumb of attention has you completely hooked! He has nothing to offer you. He’s not here and he already dumped you once. What he wants is the fantasy of you while away to boost his ego. If you stay in touch he’ll know that’ you’ll accept his emotional crumbs. And, what will you get? More empty words and promises. He is NOT your destiny – he’s just saying that, playing with your heart and head. Saying things he knows a woman likes to hear. Don’t fall for this. I would think you’d prefer an honest man who was geographically, emotionally and physically available. I hope you see him for the player he is and find a better man to date. There’s no method to make him a good or honest man.

  6. When I stop texting my boyfriend, he keep texting and calling me. Ask me if im fine? And he also keep saying that its been long days since i silent. When i said i want stop texting, he keep asking why that? Its like he dont want me to stop texting him. He keep giving excuses he just busy with work. And he said he will never stop texting me. But after i start reply him, he return to old habit ~> texting me only 1x for only 1 minute per day, he cant be reached, difficult for me to do conversation/discussion with him. he know that but seems its so difficult for him to change. Theres fews times where he silent for 2days before he start replying my message.. He said he just work, eat and sleep, same routine everyday. I think He seems doesnt love me so why he still want to texting me?? I just want know reason why he still want texting me if he doesnt love me.

    • Hi Pinkglass, He will never tell you the reason but I can sure guess. He LIKES texting with you, but refuses to make any effort for anything more. He doesn’t care if he sees or speaks to you. But that doesn’t make YOU feel good so why do it? When a man doesn’t want to make you happy, doesn’t want to speak to you or see you, he’s not a good boyfriend. Why keep him around? Stop texting and BLOCK HIM. Then go look fora new man who wants a REAL relationship – a guy who wants to spend time together and speak to you, not just text. Stop wondering why and be satisfied knowing he’s not the right man since he won’t spend time with you. Walk away from men who don’t treat you well. You are in charge of how you get treated.

  7. Hi! Ronnie. I’m have a little confused with my crush. We were sometimes texting and the conversation is just smoothly fine but when we were unexpectedly bumped into each other at campus the only thing that I can say to him is just ‘Hi!’ because my heart suddenly beating so fast whenever i saw him or talk to him and he then smiled at me. He knew that I like him, so sometimes he keep rejecting me like ‘go find another man, there’s more fish in the sea’ then I said to him that ‘I dont want to’ and sometimes he open a chance for me and whenever I try to end the conversation, he then still keep the conversation goes on. The question is I’m confused with his acting right now, is he also like me or not?

    • Hi April – You are confused because you think that his texting means he likes you. But I’m sorry to say his texting means nothing. What has meaning is that he told you to go find another man. That’s all you need to know to be smart and move on. He’s told you he’s not the man for you. If he was truly interested he’d be asking you out not texting. Do what you can to let go, block him on your phone and look for another man to date. Practice talking to men so you don’t clam up – that will be a big help for finding love.

  8. I work with this guy and we just started talking. We work in a small office so what he is doing is really annoying me but maybe I should understand? I have been hurt so many times I honestly don’t know when I am being lied to or told the truth. He pursued me, getting my number. We were both new 2 months ago, now we barely talk. I don’t know what I did, but I asked him like what was up. he said his sister has cancer and his mom is very sick, he is there care taker. I don’t think he has a dad in the picture. We don’t talk that much so I cant even find out. we have had like one good conversation through texting and that was it. When he told me all of this about his sister and mom he was very offended that I was annoyed about him not replying to me. So what should I think of this? I catch feelings way to easy and I wish I didn’t.

    • Hey Jen, Perhaps you are allowing your empathy to take over or you are a highly sensitive person. It has nothing to do with you as he explained. Instead, it sounds like he is already stretched emotionally beyond his ability to handle things well. Leave him alone. Pretend he doesn’t exist except to be cordial. Somethings don’t work out and you will often NOT KNOW WHY. This is a big part of life so find a way to let it go. If you want to find love, get online or go out and mingle. Sorry to say he’s not your man.

  9. Hi Ronnie. I met this guy who was really great off tinder a year ago. We went on many dates. We got serious he told me he loved me – I felt the same. After a year I feel very confused. I’ve asked him to meet my family many times. Nothing. I haven’t met his friends or family and never been to his house. When we want to be romantic, we meet at a hotel. I never spoke with him on the phone while he’s at home. I asked why and he says he’s been hurt before and scared it’ll happen again. I would never hurt him so I’m pretty lost on that. Weekends come I barely hear from him I know I’m a fool. We live an hour away from each other so it’s hard for me to even see what’s going on I can only go on what I am told.

    • Hi Sasha, This might be hard to hear or perhaps you already know, but he lives with a woman. That is the ONLY explanation. He can’t have you meet family members – they would know he is cheating. I know you love him, but it’s time to ask yourself why you put up with this kind of treatment? This is not what healthy love is. He only gives you what he can when he’s not with his primary woman. This is terrible for you. You deserve better. You want to be with a man who spends time with you, is a part of your life and you are part of his. After a year, you know this will never happen. Be honest with yourself and walk away to keep your dignity. Then when you feel ready, look for love again. Next time know that if you don’t start meeting a man’s people within 3 months, something is not right.

  10. Hi Ronnie, Talked for about 4 months with a guy – it was good at the beginning. We met more than 10 times. However, I asked him last month if he wanted to meet the next day. He read, but never replied til the following week saying he missed me. I asked him what happened? He read without a response again. I texted him two days later,saying I know he had a difficult time but the polite way is to tell me what’s going on. He replied sorry and it wasn’t his intention to hurt me. He started talking to me every 2 days saying he missed me or having me around (he’s back in his homecountry). He only talked to me when he wanted to, so I told him I deserve more respect. He then said it was a difficult time for him. However, after I read the message I didn’t know what to reply so I just left it. I miss him and I’m not sure what I did was the right thing. I have not heard from him since that day.

    • Hi Lyn, His behavior is showing you that he’s not really interested. When a man stops connecting, responding and spending time with you, that’s how you know he’s no longer serious about you. You did the right thing just letting it go. Missing him is completely normal and natural. Having not heard from him means he’s sort of done with it. Even if he reaches out, don’t get caught back up with him. You deserve better – I totally agree!

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