Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting him and see what happensIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting. The texting is fun! Sometimes its fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees. Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. The texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went. Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you. So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

Does he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult? I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.” Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing. You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are. A man who is interested, but not setting up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you. You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Know How Dating Works

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option. They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing there is one leader and one follower. As the woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

The same thing is true at the start of dating. Follow a man’s lead. If he texts, text him back. If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER. This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40. It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE. But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you. They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him, before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
T
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose is men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right? This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one. The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.

Then you’ll observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential. If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting.

 

94 responses on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Oceanic, I’m going to be very direct. Here’s my question to you – do you think the way he treats you shows that he loves you? I sure hope you say no. Love is not a few texts or just a feeling. Love is treating someone with care. This man cheated with you, then slowed down texting, pulled away yet requests FWB and somehow this seems loving. I know you have feelings for him for 10 years. But, I suggest you spend some time learning to love yourself and build your self-worth. It’s time to realize you deserve REAL love with a man who sees only you, wants to spend time with you every week and not just talk about a love or look for sympathy because he’s unhappy with his GF.

  2. Oceanic

    Hi Ronnie! I admit my best friend and I have kept our feelings for each other hidden for 10 years. Our friends don’t know that we have fooled around. He had to relocate for his job and now lives farther away… with his girlfriend. I’ve known about her all of these years. I have even met her and honestly she is cold, and short tempered. They lived apart because of his job and he traveled back and forth. If he was sick or got hurt working I helped him. We shared deep conversations that helped us connect. Since he left, his texts slowed and he doesn’t update me. I don’t chase him. Sometimes he texts me saying he loves me and hates it with her but isn’t in a spot financially to leave. He won’t call me anywhere and only texts in his terms. I’ve never demanded answers and we’ve never fought. He’s ask to come see me on a day off for a few hours for FWB. It’s been a week since I have heard from him. I believe he loves me because he’s gorgeous and could have anyone. I’m confused because I don’t want to lose his friendship. I feel like he is backing off and ignoring my texts and when I ask if he wants to meet up, he vanishes. Ughhh. Men.

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Mari, My advice about letting the guy lead and stepping back is for the start of a relationship. And, it can sometimes help with a relationship that is not working. When you pull back it gives a guy the chance to miss you, re-evaluate and step up. But this sounds like how it always is which means he’s just not into you. So yes, time for a change as you yourself said! Don’t put up with this! This is why I say LDRs do not work! If you feel starved for attention; 1) Be there for yourself first. Build a fulfilling life without a man – the man is an addition. He can’t be your only focus – that’s a recipe for disappointment and heartbreak. 2) Find a LOCAL man who wants to spend time with you and stay in touch. You’ll never be a good fit with a man who doesn’t want that.

  4. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jane, I hope you really want my advice…because my advice is to take yourself more serious and amp up your self-worth. You can’t take a man drunk texting you as a sign of anything. Forget if he’s been sick or shy – either he’s into you and he’s not and sadly he’s not serious at all. When a man doesn’t just ask you out, don’t push, try to make it happen or help the guy out. Move on!

  5. Mari

    I really liked this article. One of the hardest things with the guy I have feelings for, is to step back and wait. It’s been a long time with him. Whenever I think I’ve over texted or pushed too much asking for things, he suddenly pops back up texting. BUT at the same time, I am starved for attention because he doesn’t text me nearly as much as he used to. This is a long distance situation and I am learning that it’s very tough to have trust and also feel fulfilled. Bottom line I agree with letting the man chase and if he doesn’t text back after 2 texts to him, I let it go. That’s standard across the board with anyone. It hurts when you can see they’ve read it and don’t reply, so when that happens I just keep moving. I don’t call the person out because everyone’s busy and I’m guilty of the same when I’m busy. For now: if I want to keep settling I know he only will text a few times a week if that. May be time for a change.

  6. Jane

    Hello! I have a guy who is interested in me. We have known each other for awhile now. He lives about 3 hours away but we text occasionally. Flirting and chatting . He will randomly drink text me – sometimes after I am asleep and when I do reply the next day, I never hear a word. I ask if he is around to chat or if he wants to meet up and he skirts the subject . Mind u this guy has had some health issues and something tells me he is insecure about his possible performance if we do meet up. I’ve tried to make it clear that I absolutely find everything about him attractive but it seems like such a dead end. The last drunk text was last night with him just texting my name . I wrote back asking if he wants to see me with some sweet things and not a word. Any advice ??

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anon – Yes sounds like he’s stringing you along and keeping you in he loop, but definitely not serious. If you are seeking a relationship, I would move on from this guy. Since he’s already pulled back, why bother with him? You deserve the real thing and sorry to say, you won’t get that from this guy.

  8. Anon1995

    We’ve had several dates, talk every day, suddenly we talk less so I confronted him and asked if he’s still interested or just. He says he’s just busy doesn’t want to rush into it… check on tinder and he has updated his profile with new recent pics? Obviously not ready to commit to me, should I end it? The talking is less and less meaningless and I know he is talking to other people. Please advise!!

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Dear Not Good, I know you are hurting and confused but I’m going to speak plainly If you are not in a defined relationship, then it’s casual. That means you need to STOP EXPECTING him to treat you like you’re in a relationship – because you’re NOT. If you’re upset because he hasn’t texted in two days, then you are NOT OK with how things are and want more. Since he doesn’t want more or can’t give you more right now, then he’s not the right man for you to date. This is a situation where you have to take the emotion out of the equation and look at things objectively. You want more + he can’t give more = not the right man. It’s not easy perhaps to realize this truth, but it’s very simple.

  10. NotGoodAtDating

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months. We have a lot of fun together, are intimate, but he has a really busy schedule. It’s not a defined relationship right now and we’ve discussed that and I’m okay with that for right now. The issue I’m having is that after we hang out, sometimes he doesn’t text me for a couple of days. I’m somewhat understanding because he studies almost constantly and he does text first sometimes. But it bothers me that he can go so long and not even say hi. Not enough to stop seeing him, but enough that I kind of want to say something. I already know I’m not going to text him until he decides to text me. My question is what do I do when he does decide to text me? Should I let him know I’m upset that he doesn’t even take the time to say hi for days after I go out of my way to do nice things for him? Is this something communication can fix, or does he just not care about me?

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi 4Ever, I’m not sure what word you used, but seems to have turned him off. I’m sorry to say that getting him back at this pint is unlikely. Expressing your feelings while drunk texting might not have been the best idea. If you only had three dates, is that really love? You’re expecting an awful lot from a man if you want emotion in your texts so soon. I wish I had better news for you.

  12. 4everalone

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met this guy on a dating app & within a week, we had our 1st date. We hit it off right away & even though he was busy with work, he would text me everyday to check in. We had 2 more dates after that & they were both awesome! He knew I was dating with a purpose & I believe he wanted the same. He always showed me pda & wanted to wait to be intimate so the tension would be greater. The only problem I had was when he would text, it showed no emotion to it. I know now I was being dramatic. One weekend I was out day-drinking with friends & in the middle of texting, I told him how I felt, but didn’t use the right word. I apologized profusely & let him know where I was coming from. He said he understood, but he started to become distant after that. Even so, cancelling our date a few hours before we were supposed to meet. He apologized & said he was exhausted from work, but didn’t try to plan another date. We texted a few days after, but extremely long delays to the point where it’s been 4 days with no reply. Did I completely screw this up? He’s a psychologist so I would assume he could really be able to understand where I was coming from & be able to forgive me. What should I do?? I really miss him.

  13. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Mother, Since you’ve been seeing him for two months, why not just ask if you can talk more between dates. He might not be into texting. Some men do this just to get things started. In the days before texting it was normal a guy wouldn’t talk to you for 3-4 days. Today there seems to be this expectations that you should be in touch all day long – I don’t think this is so realistic. Tell him you are enjoy getting to know him and would like a phone conversation to stay in touch between dates. See how he responds. That’s pretty reasonable. If he doesn’t want to do that, he might not be as serious as you would hope.

  14. Motheroftwo

    Hi! I’ve been dating this guy for almost two months. I’m separated from my husband for along time. We’ve been sitting on the papers but now that I’ve met someone, I am trying to get this moving. About the guy I’m seeing – we met on a dating app but knew each other 10 years ago through friends. So there’s some comfort in already knowing this him. I have two kids and he’s really understanding that I have limited time. We go out 1-2 times per week and more when my kids are with their father. When we first started talking he would text me back quickly and we’d carry on a conversation. Now, we barely text between dates. I let him initiate all of the conversations now but its two messages from him with 45 minute-1 hour gaps in between. He does call to say goodnight every so often. Nothing is consistent. He is good about asking me “What’s your schedule look like next week for date nights?” Should I just leave the texting be and take this guy to be interested but just not into texting? I’m thinking about just ignoring him for a day just to see if he will text me more but I don’t want to play games.

  15. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anonymous, Sorry to tell you he’s not serious about you and will not meet you. One excuse is believable, two is a pattern, three is a clear message that he’s not available or not serious. He’s playing a game here – stringing you along. Drop him and block him. Then move on. It doesn’t matter if the excuses are real or not – he’s not available to date. My rule of thumb is 7 days between the start of talking and meeting. 10 days at the most. If that doesn’t happen, move on.

  16. Anonymous

    I was talking to a guy from a dating app. We exchanged numbers and at first it was a getting to know each other. We had 2 phone conversations & planned to meet up. He told me a week before that he would need to rearrange & gave a valid reason. The second time we were meant to meet, the night before he cancelled on me, again a believable reason and I responded with a nice message. Prior to when were going to meet i initiated most of the conversations. We had a brief conversation over message after but when I asked about when he wanted to arranging a meeting he gave another reason which was believable, I again responded with a nice message and no response. It’s been a week since then and he’s not messaged. All in all we was talking to each other for 4 months, What do I do? I don’t know whether to message him and ask if I have done anything wrong?

  17. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Nelly, So sorry to say there’s nothing you can do. It’s possible he just wanted to sleep with you and so now he’s no longer interested. Happens all the time. You can’t change that. All you can do is walk away with your dignity and not allow things to deteriorate further. Keep your self-respect and stop contacting him. Next time, you might want to think twice about pressuring a man for intimacy. It’s not a turn on. While I understand you have needs and that’s totally normal, there might be better ways to go about satisfying them. You never want to look like you really “need” something from a man early on in dating.

  18. Nelly

    Hi Ronnie, I met this guy on a dating site. We were so close, he would call me every day and I felt in control of everything. I woke up to Good morning messages daily. I frequently missed his calls and he’d complain and say I’m always busy and I never return his calls.So we got over that and a week later we met.The second day of meeting up we were intimate,he didn’t want to sleep with me but I pressured him to because it had been long since I was intimate with someone,but he kept asking me if I was sure.The day before we slept he wanted to take me with him to Margate, that’s where he lives with his helper and daughter. Now he doesn’t initiate calling me anymore but he randomly sends messages almost daily just to check if I’m okay but before the intimacy we would chat for hours,he says he is busy with work but he keeps giving me mixed signals. What should I do?

  19. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Miss M, I’m sad to say this is not a true relationship. Maybe it was once, but when a man stops being consistent, he is not really interested. You are right about that. If you are always mad at him, why do you want him? You told him you quit the relationship so why should he keep texting? You can’t make a man love you. He was just keeping you hanging on with a little texting. And since you were mad and took the fun out of it – he stopped. Why would he continue to text? So part of this is your own confusion. He’s not the man for you. PLEASE look locally for love – someone within your tradition and someone closer by so you can get to know each other face to face. Long distance doesn’t work as you can clearly see.

  20. Miss manggo

    I know my current bf from dating website and it’s been 1 year long distance relationship. First 3 month knowing him, he comes to my country meet me and family and ask from my father to marry me but my father wants to delay it as he wants my bf to follow our tradition so we couldn’t marry yet. Then he travels back to his country. Then calling gradually slows down, he used to call 4x a month, then 2x per month, now none. At first i don’t mind then i start to worry. We always texting each other despite he being so busy everyday. Now I’m always mad at him, I ask why he doesn’t show effort by calling me? I worry he’s lost interest and is there another woman? He says I only calm/emotionally stable for a few days then back to creating problems. I stopped texting, but he keeps sending messages asking me to reply. Now i mad again and say I give up with this relationship. What shocks me is we both stopped texting each other.

  21. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Neurotic, You aren’t neurotic – he was not a gentleman. Sometimes when a man has a break up he reaches out to his ex for comfort. You didn’t go for it at first but once you saw him you fell for the old “hangout” request. Just so you know, “hang out” almost always means “let’s have sex”. What it doesn’t mean is that he wants to get back together. That would be taking you out on dates again which sadly, he did not do. Could be he just wanted to know he still “had it” with you which boosted his male ego. Now that he knows, he feels complete. Here’s the tough part – no response IS a RESPONSE. He doesn’t care enough to even respond. Sorry, I know that feels crummy but that’s the truth of who he is. Let it go and move on. He’s not worth your emotional energy. You might want to read this post about hanging out for any future encounters of this kind.

  22. neurotic

    My ex and I have been on and off for 16 months. We broke up last October, he immediately got into another relationship that lasted 3 months. During that time we did not talk. As soon as they broke up, he began texting me – asking how I was and small talk. He texted happy birthday in the middle of the night. A couple months passed and we ran into each other while out. He asked me to come hang out at his place, so I did. We slept together – it was great. The chemistry and connection was still there and when I left, we seemed to be on a good page. He mentioned me coming over. Now he won’t talk to me at all. I’ve texted him and he is purposely not replying. I’m confused and hurt. We talked about marriage at one point and things were serious. I have not texted him for three days and I don’t plan on texting anymore. Obviously if he wanted to talk to me, he would. I just can’t wrap my head around why he would do this to me. Being told to get lost is better than no response at all.

  23. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kimberly, People make time for what’s important. Even med students with that grueling schedule build relationships while at school right? No matter how busy you are, there’s always time when you make it a priority. So you and your ex decided his priority is school (not sure if you’re in school too). That’s fine but it means HE’S not emotionally available. I’m not sure what you mean by how much is too much texting, but what I can tell you is waiting around for him is not wise because who knows what he’ll do when and if he’s ready. If you are texting back and forth all day – then HE DOES HAVE TIME. Friendship with him will only keep you single if you are still focused on only him. What does that do for you? You are trying to be patient until he is ready? Stop texting him so much (if you hae to ask if it’s too much, it probably is) and move on to find a new man who is available and wants a relationship with you.

  24. Kimberly

    My situation is different because my ex and I thought on initially getting back together but decided not to right now because of everything else happening. He prioritize his school and work plus other things. I agree that people are sometimes just too busy and it is not an excuse because sometimes 24 hours in a day is not enough and to care for someone else? That would mean sacrificing sleep or study time. I get that people have priorities in life. We decided to remain friends but how much is too much when texting?

  25. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Revealed, Resist! He’s totally fine – just not communicating. Don’t check on him. Let it gooooooooo and move on to a man who is more interested in you then this guy. Texting him will not bring you the connection and results you want.

  26. revealed

    Ugh i’m so tempted to text him but i came across at this article.
    its been 4 days and he hasnt texted me. when shall i text him and see if he is okay?

  27. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anne, Dating a separated man isn’t a good idea because they are not usually looking for a relationship. You got that when he announced you aren’t his girlfriend. So what are you then? A friend with benefits which is casual without commitment. You say you don’t need to be in a relationship, yet you want to keep seeing him. That tells me you are not being honest with yourself. You DO want a relationship, but you’ll take what you can get. That means you WILL BE taken for granted because you are not valuing yourself.

    Do not confuse chemistry and attraction for having meaning beyond that. He’s not ready for anything serious and you are feeling attached. Now he’s pulling away and your feelings will be hurt if he disappears. The solution here is to avoid dating separated men. If you want to see a man consistently – that IS a committed relationship.It’s time to get real about what you want and date men who want the same thing. If you let yourself be lead around by attraction only, you will often be heartbroken.You have to choose a man wisely based on wanting the same thing – lasting love.

  28. Anne

    Hi Ronnie, I enjoyed reading your article and your responses and hope you’ll give me a little advice. I met this guy and there was instant attraction. Unfortunately I couldn’t resist and slept with him the 2nd date. He’s currently going though a separation. I’ve been hanging out with him and his friends and one time his friends were having a boys night out and he said I could join because “I’m not his girlfriend.” That upset me altho we have never established anything serious. He knew I was upset and since then things have been weird. We met was 4 days ago where I joined him and his friends for birthday drinks and since then no text from him. I haven’t texted him either. What does this mean and what should I do? I am really attracted to him and I do not need to be in a serious relationship, but I wanna continue hanging with him and his friends. At the same time not to be taken for granted or be a door mat. Thanks so much!

  29. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey CC – Sorry to say but texting means NOTHING. He’s not too busy to see you. He DOESN’T WANT to see you or he’d make time. Why text a man you’ve only dated twice in 3 months? Time for dignity and self-respect. Stop being nice and patient and hoping he’ll become the man you want because he has already shown you he’s not. Kick this guy to the curb, stop texting and BLOCK him. You may say, “But Ronnie, that’s not nice.” Well, is it nice to lead you on that he’ll one day see you again? Nope. Stop letting him take advantage of you. Read this post on why men text even if not seriously interested will help explain further.

  30. CC

    Hello Ronnie,
    I met this guy on dating app. We have been exchanges 5 to 8 long texts everyday for close to 3 months (includes good morning and goodnight texts). But I only met him for 2 times. He seems to put in no effort in arranging another meet up, but why is he still texting me everyday? I’m not sure if he’s really that busy; as he still able to set aside time out to bring his elder parents to go out. But why no time to meet me? I really don’t know what is he thinking or is he still interested or not. What should I do?

  31. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Naomi, When a man leaves you hanging, goes quiet or disappears, he doesn’t not feel the same as you. I know this may seem harsh but it’s unfortunate that you let yourself fall for a man you have never met because you know almost nothing about him – only what he chooses to share. He could be married. If you feel he tries to manipulate you to admit your feelings, how is that a sign of caring? Sounds cowardly to me. His intentions are not good – he’s just looking to boost his ego. I hope you will see the truth of this and am so glad you have stopped texting. Take the next step and block him to shed him from your life. Then look for love locally – this man will do nothing but break your heart if you let him.

  32. Naomi

    Hi Ronnie, I’ve been texting this guy for 3 months. We live in different countries and there’s time difference, but in spite of that it looked like he did compromise to get in touch with me you know. At times he made me feel like he was really interested and other times he would make me feel like he’s trying to get me to admit I like him, but won’t say much himself. He compliments my looks and even told me he enjoyed talking to me, I am confused, if he likes me, why can’t he show it? Our conversations are so fun and yet he disappears at times. I recently stopped texting him because I want to see if he makes the effort to initiate one on his own, without my help. The problem is that, I like him and I’m emotionally invested in him, enduring the time apart when we don’t communicate is really making it hard for me. I wonder if he feels the same?

  33. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Louise, So as I understand it, your twin flame has body issues, won’t snuggle, complains, and then disappears after sex? You may have a lovely connection but what percentage of the time is that? This man has issues, is inconsistent and clearly not relationship material. He might be a good person, but anyone who brings a robe and puts the hood up is NOT comfortable with himself. You didn’t explain how the relationship went between the two times you slept together over 5 months and that makes me curious. Are you the one who’s been keeping this thing going? My advice is to get real with yourself about this man’s potential (very limited) and go meet new men to find one who is relationship ready. This guy has already proved he is an uphill battle. PS – Too much light in your apartment? Is he a vampire? LOL

  34. Louise Evans

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met someone through mutual friends. I’ve slept with him twice (5 months apart). The last time was on Wed night and we woke up together on Valentine’s Day. I made dinner and then breakfast the next morning. I feel such a lovely connection with him with so much in common. Almost a twin flame. However when it was time to sleep, he wore a fleecy robe to bed with the hood up! (He brought it with him. We didn’t cuddle. He also wanted to blow out candles before sex. I assume he has body insecurities. The next morning he was distant and not much eye contact (he said my apartment was too bright). We chatted about a movie we watched and he was talkative then but not much more convo. It’s worth noting he complained that I don’t listen to him. And it’s now Monday and we haven’t texted each other at all. I think he may be insecure and waiting for me. What do you think? I’m feel like reaching out to him on Thursday if I don’t hear from him.

  35. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Meagan, Sometimes guys just want to have sex – and so do women. So you slept with him – nothing wrong with that. The only problem is it seems like you might have expectations now. If you always initiate and he doesn’t reply – that means he’s no longer interested. And sorry to say there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about that. You can’t MAKE a man like you. Either he does or he doesn’t. And this doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you but maybe he just doesn’t want a relationship with you. So your next step is to STOP communicating him with and move on with grace and dignity. Look for a new man to date and let him pursue you and initiate. Hold back from taking over so you can find out if the guy is interested or not – it’s the only way to know for sure.

  36. Meagan

    I met this guy I work with – he asked me did I have a Facebook account. I said yes so we started talking. Jan 20 I had sex with him – I wanted to so I can’t blame anybody but myself. We text a lot after that but when I show him that I like him, he pulls back and doesn’t text me as much. I’m the one always texting first sometimes he read my message but doesn’t reply, saying he’s got a lot on his plate. What should I do?

  37. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Shelia, Since he has admitted seeing another woman, you already made a wise choice by saying no to coffee and stopping your texting. I’m not sure he’s even stringing you along but he may want to continue his friendship with you. However, you get to say no and I encourage you to cut him off completely. He’s not coming back as your romantic partner, so why leave the door open for that? Time to let go and move on. He has shown you his true intentions so why waste your time on him? Look for a new man who wants a relationship with you.

  38. Sheila

    Hi Ronnie.
    Became platonic friends with a guy from work last year. We texted a lot & talked on phone. 6 mos ago he asked me to hang out after work in evenings. We enjoyed activities and then things got physical, we became close. I really like him and he said same to me. Then we saw each other less often and he started making excuses – busy or tired. I heard from him less. One confided that he was hanging out with another co- worker. I am shocked and was hurt he would say this to my face! Just keep it to yourself idiot!

    All he wants now is to be my text buddy with coffee meetups during work hours. I said no. I no longer feel important. Has he lost interest and just stringing me along. After his last text about cold weather, I didn’t respond – first time I never wrote back. I am fed up! Any wise advice?

  39. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jenni, I know it probably seems scary, but if you want to know his intentions, do NOT contact to ask about the week. If he contacts you, then you know you are on his mind. If he doesn’t, then you know it’s time to move on. This is the best possible strategy if you don’t want to waste time on men who don’t like you enough, don’t pursue you and/or don’t really care one way or another. If you contact him, what will you learn? Not one thing. Even if he wants to get together, you had to prompt him. Not good. Hang back and let the chips fall – that’s what to do if you want to find lasting love. A man worth his salt will NEVER leave you hanging. A man who sees your value doesn’t leave thing a woman wondering or waiting.

  40. Jenni

    I am afraid this is happening to me. We have been talking for about a month and have been out several times but within the last few days the texting has slowed. I do not know if it is something I did or said or if things got busy with work or what. We discussed when we would get together next but he needed his work schedule which comes in on Sundays. I had said to let me know what day works for him. Now, I do not plan on texting him today but was going to contact him tomorrow to see what his schedule is like for the week. I do not know whether I should or not.

  41. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Veronica, Sorry to hear this has broken your heart. But here’s something to keep in mind – this is what I call a virtual relationship. It’s fun but it’s not real. They often go just like this fast and furious to disappearance. It’s a thrill for a while but then you want more and the guy never had any true intentions for any else. Read these posts on long distance relationships and it will open your eyes to never wasting your emotions on a man like this again. When you recover and you will, look for love locally.

  42. Veronica

    I wish I read this article a month ago. I met a guy online and we hit it off. Since we are in different countries we would hang out via skype and whatsapp. The first 4 weeks he was consistent with the texts and calls. He texts me all through the day and late at night and he would call me in the morning and at night. Then all of a sudden his calls and texts made a dramatic drop. He would schedule hang outs and won’t keep his word. I had enough of it so I just stopped replying to his texts. I really like him and it really hurts to think about it. He hasnt texted me at all.

  43. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Adriana,

    Yes, sorry to say he is no longer interested. He started making excuses and now he has disappeared. Don’t bother contacting a man who doesn’t respond. More contact will not change his mind. I guess he wasn’t the right man for you but there are more. In the future, you might want to wait before becoming intimate so that you don’t get heart broken if it turns out the guy just wants to sleep with you and run. Take your time – there’s no hurry when it comes to true love.

  44. Adriana

    Hi, I’m met this guy a dating site, I can’t control myself and we got intimate very quickly, after 5 times seen each other he got busy with family emergencies, then work and fatigue. He slowly stop texting me, calling and even make efforts to see me. We just 1 hours away from each other. I ask him if everything was okay he said yes. But I noticed his distance. I stop texting him during Christmas Eve. Now he hasn’t contact me in one week to see if I’m okay. Should I let him go or contact him.

  45. Cassy

    Thank you Ronnie,
    I’ts been 3 weeks and he hasn’t contact me at all . It’s hard to accept this for me right now , but I’ll get over eventually..

    🙁

  46. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ashley – are you sure he’s a guy? Men don’t build attraction – either they are or they aren’t so this guy has a sexual or intimacy problem. On top of that now he’s not texting, talking and you have to initiate every conversation? STOP! What do you need this for? Its a one-way relationship and you are the one keeping it going because he’s doing NOTHING. If it’s driving you crazy – STOP! I encourage you to build some self-esteem so you learn not to put up with this kind of treatment. He’s not the man for you – this is too strange. Bail and find someone new to date. He’s not being honest or real with you at all.

  47. Ashley

    Met a guy on a dating site and hit it off. He said he doesn’t get sexual for months with women – he connects first emotionally. So rare it made me more attracted. We hung out several times a week. Dinner dates and movies to cooking for each other. We snuggled and held hands and he raves to his friends about me. After 2 weeks we finally kissed. After several more dates without kissing I asked why he doesn’t kiss goodbye. He said can’t u just be patient? I’m not physically attracted to you yet. I asked then why are you holding me every night? He said I admire u, and u fuel me…so I felt used for my energy and kicked him to the curb. Later I rethink this and ask to talk. He starts talking about future outings, so I don’t want to rush the sex. I still see him but no hand holding, snuggles, good morning texts or good night calls. I don’t know if we’re just pals or taking it way slow. It’s driving me crazy. I’m always sending the first text to start our convos.

  48. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Paige – when a man tells you to stop and that he’s not free to go out, do NOT try anything further. I’m sorry to tell you this but he’s not interested. Sounds like you over did it and turned him off. Save your dignity and leave him alone. It’s time to move on and look for a new guy. But this time, do not chase him by texting, snapchatting, or calling him all the time. Let a man come to you – that’s the only way you can tell if he’s serious and likes you. Read this post for a better understanding of what works.

  49. Paige

    Hi it’s nice to meet you should I try it again he told me stop blowing up on my phone he said I’m working all week I’m not free to go out but I saw on my Snapchat location he was in my area last night but he hide a picture from me on Snapchat what should I do? Should I ingore him for a week or wait till after Christmas or should I try it again on bumble ??

  50. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Sb – let me clear this up for you. He’s no longer interested and you are not his priority. “Hello beautiful” is not enough to maintain a relationship. Since you are in school this is a great chance to learn this early! When a man has no time for you – yes, he’s busy, but that’s a sign he’s NOT into you enough to spend time with you. Let him go, stop answering texts and become scarce. Then see who else is out there. A local guy will be much easier to date especially when still in school.

  51. Sb

    This is a difficult situation for me. At one point the guy and I talked everyday for months. His basketball season just started and he seems a lot more distant. I understand he has practice, homework and games but we used to FaceTime while he did his homework too….. we don’t even do that anymore. He says he wants to see, and he misses me but the plans never go through. I’m only an hour away from him. But I don’t know if he’s interested or not. He text’s me every single morning “good morning beautiful” but we will exchange message 3-5 times though out the day. Idk what I should do. I don’t know if he’s interested or not.

  52. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Renea, It seems like your boyfriend is pulling away and cancelling Thanksgiving dinner last minute is ridiculous. Did he give you a good reason? I hate to tell you sounds like he’s lost interest but is sort of stringing you along, not sure if he wants to break up or hoping you’ll do it. This is certainly not the behavior of a man in love who respects and values you. I would stop texting all together and ghost on him. See what he does. If he asks what is going on then you can cask him the same. If he disappears then you know it’s over. I realize this is scary, but you might as well know, so you can move on. Don’t bother asking him directly – he’s not likely to give you a straight answer. Let him come to you and if he asks- that’s an opportunity to have a conversation.

  53. Renea

    Hi Ronnie! I’ve been dating this guy for a year. We live 2 hours apart, so we see each other 2 weekends a month. As an only child, he’s a little selfish. For example, I took him to a football game -exactly what he wanted. For my birthday came, I asked for two inexpensive items. He waited until the last minute to order my things and said they’d be in later that week. He took me to dinner, and it was never mentioned again. This Thanksgiving would’ve been our first. He said he was coming, then cancelled last minute on Thursday. After that call, he texted, “What are you doing?” I didn’t reply for a few days and since then, his texts are simple like “How was work?” etc. Should I not respond to him today? He didn’t start out this way, and now I’m confused to say the least!

  54. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cassy, Now let’s think about this logically. If you have stopped contacting this man for a week (which was great by the way!) and then he didn’t contact you, what does that mean? It sure doesn’t mean he’s in love or even in like. His lack of interest shows you he’s NOT INTERESTED. He doesn’t want to be mean, but he wants you to go away on your own so he won’t feel bad. Most men avoid confrontation, don’t answer direct questions like you asked (“Should we stop talking?”) and simply stop initiating and eventually stop responding. Be SMARTER THAN THAT. Let him go now. Then, get online or the apps and meet new men. If you want to date find love, he’s not the one!

  55. Cassy

    Hi,
    I’ve met this guy last December who lives out of the country , he was visting my cousin and stayed at my family’s house .. We talked and we both had good connection, we’ve been talking since then and have traveled to other countries twice together . Lately he seems distance and I asked him what was wrong , he said he’ll tell after , but never did . I’ve asked him if he’d like for us to stop talking and he said no .. I have stopped talking to him twice for a week or so , but he won’t contact me . He replies to all my messages, but only text lately. I don’t know how to take all this , he’s over 40 and acting immature , I’m on my 30’s ., Please advise ?

  56. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Mistey, It means he’s curious why you stopped. But not curious enough to ask YOU why You stopped. Not curious enough to find out or speak to you directly. So he’s only a little curious. You are probably right – he doesn’t want a deeper relationship with you. Why bother with him? You already stopped texting, so now stop thinking about him and find a new man who wants a relationship if that’s what you really want.

  57. Mistey

    There is a guy I like at work.. Obviously we have history but somehow I know he just wants me for one thing.Ii decided to stop texting and just say hi without flirt at work for few week till he asked my friend why I stopped texting him. What does it mean ?

  58. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Candy, What happened when you took my advice is that he showed up for more texting, but nothing else. If you want a texting buddy, he qualifies. But if you want a man to date, he has demonstrated that he’s not interested. I recommend blocking him so you don’t get tempted and go find more men to date. There are plenty of men out there. Yes, you may have some bad dates, but so what? That’s part of dating. Once you manage your expectations, you can meet men and not be so bothered by guys who aren’t right. You have to stay in the game to win at love!

  59. Candy

    I met a man online. We texted for awhile, then had two great dates, (which I kind of help set up admittedly), then he cancelled the third date the day of which was lame and I let him know it. I instinctively cooled it on the texting and he went text crazy “Helllooo” “are you there?” Stuff like that. After a few bad dates with other guys I fell back in texting with him again. Now he texts things like “I would love to go hiking with you” but never makes the plans. Also, I can see he is still very active on the dating site. So I took your advice and stopped texting back, and he is now sending lots of “Hey old friend….?” “You OK?” How to handle this? Do I still totally ignore? Or do I say something like, “I’m good, headed out”?

  60. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Tallgirl, Nope, you did nothing wrong. Some guys are in the moment. So, in that moment he wanted you to join them, but you couldn’t. You handled it very well, asking for a rain check and saying you wanted to hear about it, and calling him handsome. There’s no way he could have thought you weren’t interested. The fact that he hasn’t been in touch just shows you that dating might not be his priority – or, forgive me, dating you. This happens a lot when there is interest in the moment but the moment passes and the man moves on. Try not to take it too hard. There will be others and every flirtation doesn’t turn into a relationship.

  61. Tallgirl

    I went to a party on Friday night and met a friend of a friend who was hosting. He seemed into me, we talked a lot during the party and we had a nice kiss when he helped me get my coat. During the evening, he made jokes about if we would be a good couple and asked about my dating. He walked me and my friend out of the party.

    The next day, he texted me. He still had some of the guests staying with him. We joked back and forth and he suggested in a joke that I join them that evening. I said I had dinner plans but said I would love a rain check and to hear about what happened. He said it was a deal (I did not respond then) and then an hour later said my dinner plans better be good and I said they were and that I was arriving and that I would catch him on the flip side handsome! He said yes and to enjoy!

    That was on Sunday and it now Tuesday morning and nothing. Did I do something wrong?

  62. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maddy – Good for you! I’m always so happy when a woman smartens up like this. He was all about himself and then, let’s give him credit, he was honest with you about the distance. Glad you stopped communicating and feel relief. There’s another and better man out there and now you are free to find him.

  63. Maddy

    I met this guy on a dating app, we went on a date, we hit it off. He is divorced. I am going through divorce. We texted for two weeks straight, then I noticed I would get calls only and texts only at night. I raised this concern with him. He reassured me that I was not an “option” he was just busy. I also noticed each time he called there was drama either with his ex wife or his work, but never time to call on me to have a conversation about us. He told me last week he is unsure about being in a relationship because we live one hour apart and that he is scared of my ex. I stopped texting him it has been two days now he hasn’t called or texted. I feel a sense of relief. I am done chasing and hoping. I realize I can’t force it

  64. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sn, I don’t see any reason to check in. He knows how to reach you so the fact that he’s not asking you out lets you know how he feels about you. Why try to keep this going when he’s the kind of guy who is willing to only see you once a month? I’m sorry to say he’s not that interested. Let it go and move on. There are more men out there so free yourself to find one who wants a relationship with you.

  65. sn

    I met someone online three months ago and we have only met thrice. He would text, but not make consistent plans to meet. I mentioned that we should meet some time and he deviated from the topic and asked me some generic question. So I blandly responded and haven’t texted him since then. Should I text him to check in and see if he still may want to meet?

  66. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Syl, You may really like him, but this avoiding you by texting IS part of him. If he wanted to see you he’d make time bu he’s NOT. More time will not change this. Since other men are asking you out – go! You don’t want to be tied down or in a relationship anyway. I don’t understand why you would limit yourself -you said you did’t want a relationship, so no need to act like you are in one.

  67. Syl

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve met this guy on a dating app. I came out of a 10 year relationship and needed to get laid. Turns out we both wanted to sleep with each other, but somehow he started talking to me about things and said: I hope I’m not just a rebound because I’m starting to like you. The date was suuuuuper and I said, “I don’t want to get too involved, this is just sex”. He insisted he’d make me fall in love with him and wanted to see me again. When he set the 2nd date he started making excuses about his time. I said if this wasn’t right moment I get it, I just don’t play games. Now, he texts me his life updates – wtf? It’s only been 1 week. Should I wait longer to ask him again to be upfront or should I just ignore him? (still have other guys asking me out so it’s not like I’m not gonna meet them). I really like him but I don’t like this type of thing. Also, I don’t want to miss something good.

  68. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maria, I won’t say your insane, but you can’t have expectations from a man who just wants sex. More consistency sounds like a relationship if you ask me. It’s easy to understand why you obsess – what you can’t have is always more enticing. That’s human nature. Super hot chemistry is not indicative of a potential relationship – just the human biological urge to multiply. I hope you do block him so you don’t risk being found out – what if your man found out? Why not focus on improving your sex life with him? Something to think about…

  69. Maria

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met this guy online. We met twice and things got intense pretty fast, no sex but we messed around and then I moved away. We’ve been sexting for 5 months now. The problem is that I’m in a committed relationship and I cannot seem to stop obsessing about him. I have to visit his town soon and he knows it. He always disappears for 2-3 weeks and then comes back and it drives me insane. I never complain about it to him and I am not texting constantly or initiating when he ghosts, but I’m confused if I should just stop texting and responding forever. I don’t know what I want from him since I’m not planning to leave the person I’m with. I can’t expect him to treat me like a gf, but am I insane to expect him to show a more consistency? I’m inclined to never meet him again, but I really like him physically and it’s hard to decide to block and never text him again

  70. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Danyellow, Perhaps you are a romantic (vs. a fool) but that way of thinking won’t help you find lasting love with a good man. Why have hope for a man sending mixed messages and in this case no messages at all? Men don’t say things like “goodbye, have a nice life”. Not even in the movies. Why are you expecting that? If you want lasting love, it’s YOUR JOB to be discerning and pick a man who is worthy. Is it possible you prefer the dream of love vs. the real thing?

  71. Danyellow

    Hi Ronnie,
    I appreciate your responses and honesty and could use your words of wisdom! I reconnected with a guy that ghosted me a year ago. We started communicating again and saw each other once. He consistently sent mixed messages such as “I can’t wait to see you “ then not reply to my text for days. Out of no where he stopped responding to me. I’ve left several messages to no avail. I am so hurt he doesn’t have the decency to say “goodbye — have a nice life.” I know he isn’t worth my time, but I can’t stop thinking of him.It’s been three weeks. I’m not willing to give up yet. I make up all kinds of excuses as to why he hasn’t replied. I want to believe he is stressed and will soon come around. How big of an fool am I?

  72. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, There are 3 big clues here: 1) You have to initiate 2) He wants to date and have fun and if something happens fine (red flag about just going along for the ride and not wanting more) 3) Complaining about going too fast.(doesn’t want a relationship or to see you as often). All three show you he’s not ready for a relationship. I’m sure he enjoys time with you, but his sense of timing is not the same as yours – which is why YOU initiate. Stop texting and asking him out to see what HE does. Then you’ll know if he’s serious or not. This guy is happy to go along, but will not lead because he isn’t ready. If it takes longer than a week for him to ask to see you (not text – that’s not enough effort) then you’ll know he’s not into you or the man you want.

  73. Sarah

    Hi Ronnie, Thanks for your tips! I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 months, went on 7 dates but after the 1st, I initiated or strongly hinted for all of them. He texts daily, never asks me out, but talks about plans. When I suggest meeting, he’s available and will find an alternate day if not. The dates are 4 to 8 hours and we had a great time. He only kissed me on the 6th date, but nothing more. He’s 38yo, I’m 35. I asked what he wanted – he’s out of a 10y marriage and wants to date, have fun and if something great happens embrace it. He said he liked me, but doesn’t see why we have to go so quick. I stopped initiating texts as I’m on vacation and he hasn’t texted at all in 4 days, the longest pause in our exchanges. I know I should enjoy my vacation, but I’m struggling not to text. Is he not that interested? What should be my strategy here? Thank you for any advice!

  74. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Danielle, First of all, I”m not a fan of long distance dating – for this exact reason. You’ve been communicating for a while but have never met and this is never good. You’ll find this post on long distance relationships helpful. Why does he blame you? That’s called “gaslighting” when someone turns things around and makes it your fault. My guess is he’s a narcissist – it’s all about him right? He doesn’t even ask about you. So my dating advice for you is to 1) look locally for love so you can actually GO ON DATES, 2) Raise your standards: when a man ghosts, once is plenty. Don’t accept this rude behavior over and over, and 3) When a man blames you for something he did RUN. You can’t argue with crazy, never mind maintain a healthy, loving relationship.

  75. Danielle

    Hi Ronnie, thank you for writing this article. I met this guy online – he lives four hundred miles from me. At first he came on strong, texted every day and called almost every morning. The ghosted for a week and has done this 3 times. When he came back he made it seem like I was the one who went off the radar. Why does he keep coming back? He hardly ask me anything about myself. He’s closed off at the same time which is confusing because he was talking about communication. I suggested meeting and he said he liked the idea, but nothing came of it. When he found out I was on vacation and asked why I didn’t tell him – we could have meet. I replied I did and you said you liked the idea. He turned it around and blamed me again. Why is he acting like this? If he contacts me again should I let it be and not respond? Thank you!

  76. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Chanel, Glad you like the blog post – thank you! So I’m surprised you’re confused. He wanted to meet you – the two of you couldn’t coordinate it, now he’s lost interest. That shows in his communication which has dwindled to one daily text. Time to move on because this kind of thing won’t turn around. Don’t respond and if suddenly he wants to meet he’ll let you know. But, don’t hold out hope. Your best bet is to look for a new guy and not from social media. Does that ever work? I’m sure not aware of it. Try Match or Bumble- more likely to get what you want there.

  77. Chanel

    Hi Ronnie, love the article by the way. This guy and I from social media have been talking for a little over two months. We have never met before. We started talking via instant messaging, then it lead to texting. I initiated the first phone call which we talked for like 5 hours to almost twice a week, along with consistent texting. He mentioned that he would like to meet me and/or take me out, but I was super busy that weekend and we couldn’t figure out a good time to work around each other schedules (he never asked again). Surely but slowly our phone conversations were dead silent and the texting begin to slow down. I mirrored his movements. I texted when he texted. Now he’ll text me in the morning, I’ll respond — nothing from him, then repeat. I’m confused!

  78. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey John,

    I can’t think of a polite way to ask her to stop. But you can take a passive approach and simple STOP RESPONDING. You are under absolutely no obligation to answer her and she was not invited to text you several times daily. Then next time you see her, if she says anything about it, just say, “Hmm, sorry I must have missed that one.” Not answering IS an answer. Otherwise, if you feel you must say something you could text her back, “Sorry I’m not big on texting so forgive me if I don’t answer.” But I don’t think that will work!

  79. John

    Ronnie – guy here. A woman at my church has started texting me for unknown reasons. We are both in the singles group but have never gone out and aren’t really friends. I don’t presume she’s interested in me, and I’m not interested in anything more than being friends. But I swear she thinks of reasons to text me several times a day. Silly things like “when is the next singles activity” when we all have access to a calendar. I’ve finally asked her not to text me while I’m working because I’m usually quite busy. She apologizes, then keeps right on doing it. How can I politely get her to stop texting me, and why is she doing this?

  80. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Elaine – if he doesn’t contact you in a week, forget him – he’s not really interested. If you wait a month – there’s no point in contacting him again – he will have proven he doesn’t care in just one week or less. When a man cares for you, he doesn’t let a week go by without being in touch.

  81. Elaine Loi

    Hi Ronnie,
    Good Day!
    May i know how long time frame shall i give to him, after stop texting him?
    One month? 2 months ? and so on ….

    Thanks to advise

  82. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Becky, I’s a little hard for me to understand the situation but it sounds to me like – yes he’s still hung up on his ex and not ready. And yes, stop initiating and texting first. Leave him be and see if he reconnects with you. My bet is if you are the one who always asks him out, he’s not serious abut you. You might be OK to hang out with but when a man does nothing to see you of his own doing this is not a good sign.

  83. Becky

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met a guy online, I moved from another state for study and we met since 2 months ago. We had first meet in a restaurant and it was very soon we met for the 2nd time. We had been meeting for 5 proper dinner date and sometime will bumped into each other in the pool. He does not text much, I was the one always texted first, he will only text if wanna ask for date. He knew that I am after a serious and long term relationship. He did not stop texting but just very few. He called once while I was sick and always offer to help for house stuff. He was with ex for 13 years, broke up last year Feb but he gave money to the ex by buying her bike with more than 3 times of the market price for the house deposit, seems like he is not over with the ex yet. I am really confused with his actions. I hold myself back from texting him too much, I made it 2-3 days once, shall I just stop texting completely?

  84. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Nicole, I’m sure you realize that sometimes men say things they don’t mean. Perhaps professing his love during love making is part of the fantasy. Unfortunately that IS confusing and so you got sucked in and believed him. Maybe he pulled away because he knows that was leading you on. Or maybe he is depressed. But either way he is no longer interested. Perhaps this kind of arrangement “FWB” isn’t right for you because clearly you want a complete relationship. My advice is not to take what you can get from a man but, look for a man who wants a real relationship with you. And hold off on sleeping with men until you get consistency in dating (at least weekly dates and calls in between) or exclusivity so you don’t get attached before knowing he’s actually interested in YOU and not the sex.

  85. Nicole

    Hello Ronnie I had met a guy offline at the end of May. We had made an agreement to be FWB . But, I noticed that during sex he would tell me that he loved me. And he also asked me if I loved him and like a dummy I responded “Yes”. At first he would text me and now nothing from him. It’s been this way since his bday that way 3 weeks ago. Yet, me being curious I messaged him “hey” and his response was “hey I miss you, you been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve just been depressed and in a bad spot right now.” And his last words were “I will hit you up I promise I miss you too.” And that was three days ago…I’m so in denial plus confused…

  86. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amy, I know this might not be what you want to hear but he can’t be that interested if he doesn’t respond. I would STOP communicating with him completely. If he reaches out to you and you want to text again, ask yourself why. He has already shown you that you are not his priority. You want to be with a man who REALLY wants to be with you and appreciates you. This guy does not.

  87. Amy

    Hi Ronnie
    My guy friend and I texted all the time. Then he just stopped. I asked him if he wanted to not text at all, he responded with no not at all. He doesn’t reply very often to my texts and if so very brief. The texts are just normal day to day things. He is not busy with work or having unusual stress.

    Your thoughts
    Amy

  88. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Yeah Maria! Good for you! If you stop and he contacts you – that’s a good sign. But if it takes weeks before he notices you have stopped, then he’s not serious.

  89. maria maria

    i think if a guy likes you, he knows what to do, currently i was meeting this guy who kept saying hello to me and passing by my house in the neighborhood, we walked together a few times and he asked me if i was on facebook, i told him we could friend each other and he said why don’t you you just take my number and he gave it to me and we started texting, but soon after he stopped and now i am always the one initiating it
    i am going to stop initiating and see what he does, he has my number and he should be the one to text, in other words it is his turn to start up, I am done.

  90. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amy, Pleae know I say this with compassion…The idea of playing hard to get is to not be too available – rather than be UNAVAILABLE. So, not sure how you can recover from this once a man is turned off. If you’ve known him for a long time why didn’t you meet? With online dating, I suggest texting no more than 7 days without meeting. If you’ve known him for a long time and he’s local, what’s the story? Do you fear meeting men from the web? Are you young and in high school? Maybe you’re picking up that he only wants sex – that would explain a lot. There is some block here that you probably want to explore so if you do want love, you can be open to meet a man who seems like a good good guy. Otherwise, why bother connecting at all? It’s just fantasy if you don’t meet.

  91. Amy

    Hi Ronnie, i have a little problem i recently met a guy who ive known for a long time, he made all the right advances also sexually inclined but nothing harmful i promise, also to the point of wanting us to finally meet, i however declined saying it was too early too see and we should get to know each other and take things slow. well i was playing hard to get and he got it.
    Now he doesn’t call like he use too or text like he uses too and now i like him a lot, he did say that i killed his vibes by being putting all his advances down ,what can i do

  92. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Carolyn, Nothing wrong with being an extrovert. I just don’t recommend initating with men until further along when it looks like something is happening.

  93. Carolyn Mayer

    I’m in this situation right now but I’m no way NEEDY of him. I like to socialize and have become more of an extrovert over time then being more introverted like I was.

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