Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? Don’t text him! This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting Him - woman textingIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting.

Texting is fun! Sometimes it’s fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees.

Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. Texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

Texting On and Off

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically.

There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went.

Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you.

So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

should I text him man with jacket over shoulderDoes he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult?

I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.”

Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing.

You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are.

A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you.

You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Understand Dating

Many Women Don't Understand Dating

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option.

They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing, there is one leader and one follower.

As a woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

Follow His Lead

The same thing is true at the start of dating.

Follow a man’s lead:

  • If he texts, text him back.
  • If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER.

This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40.

It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think about dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE.

But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

Don’t Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you.

They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose are men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right?

This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him?

Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than a week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one.

The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.


When you don’t text him, observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential.

If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting.


191 thoughts on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men”

  1. Hi Ronnie, Recently connected with my ex. We broken up a year ago. Tried to reconnect 3 times in September, November and now. First attempt, we texted daily for 2 wks, met, dated then he didn’t message me for a week. I got upset and he said he didn’t think it will work out. He texted me a few times but I didn’t reply until November. The same cycle again and he said he can’t give me what I want. He is currently in a relationship but said doesn’t love her. He texted me and met me a few times until last week when I asked about his intentions. He said that he will tell his girlfriend to breakup but he got upset because he felt I’m pressuring him and he shut off – didn’t message me. I was upset and broke it off last Friday but this morning he sent me messages. I’m confused & don’t know what to do. Is he interested or not? He doesn’t reply to my texts straight away. He said he was upset & felt I was demanding so he pulled back. Why is he doing this?

    • Hi Starlight, This man is showing you a pattern. He wants you as long as you don’t ask anything of him. What does that tell you? This is not about you – is all about HIM. Is this the kind of man you want? A man who doesn’t know what he wants, can’t commit, pulls away, and disappears? I hope not. How many times can he reach out only to tell you it’s not going to work? Starlight – its time for you to draw the line in the sand and block him on your phone, then delete him from social media. Make a clean and complete break for GOOD and never allow him to reach out to yank your chain again. Be STRONG and move on now for your sanity and self-esteem.

  2. Hi Ronnie

    I connected with a guy on line back in feb, (He is still hurt from his divorce and then a rebound relationship) we texted most days and then finally met 4 weeks ago. He then carried on texting but never asked to see me again. I then saw his profile on a few other sites and I broached this with him. He said he’s been on them since his last relationship failed and that he’s not chatting to anyone else and as we’re not in a relationship he didn’t see anything wrong in this, we then exchanged a few more messages discussing this a bit more and I tried to sort it out and leave it on good terms and now I’ve not heard from him since

    • Hi Joanne, You may want to consider yourself lucky because you didn’t waste any more time on this guy. First, he’s not ready for a relationship which is obvious seeing you once in four weeks. You don’t want to EVER date a man who is hurting. He really just wants a texting buddy to get some female energy and make him feel like he has someone without putting much energy in. Second you want to find a man who is emotionally healthy and relationship ready.

      Third, one date and weeks of texting is no reason for anyone to take down a profile. That requires weeks of consistent dating as well as a discussion and agreement between two people that you are in an exclusive relationship. This is where your expectations are off a bit. If you are dating a man consistently for 6-8 weeks, you can bring this up with a man by asking, “Other men are still contacting me and I’m not sure what to do.” This gives the man the chance for exclusivity to be his idea and take ownership of it.

      Or if you want to be more direct, ask, “What do you think about being exclusive and taking down our profiles?” Then you have to be silent until the man says something. If he makes any kind of excuses, he doesn’t want an exclusive relationship, so you should move on. Most often waiting will not change anything but waste your time. You were nowhere near ready for this kind of conversation after just one date.

      The last thing – I recommend not texting for so long and instead move to video chat after a few days to see if you really connect. Texting is only a supplemental form of communication and is not how to build a genuine relationship even during Covid-19.

  3. Hi, Ronnie
    I met this guy on Instagram. At first we text quite often. Getting to know each other. We went for a short gateway as well. But things blow up and i get mad at him and left him and back home. Long story short. I apologised to him. We met up again in January. And we stopped texting for almost 4 months. But in between he still remembered my birthday. And now he came back and talked about marriage. I’m confused.

    • Hi Melania, Any time a man is off and on, that’s not a sign for a stable romance. Inconsistency is the biggest clue that you are seeing the wrong guy. You want a man who knows what he wants, which is YOU. If he’s back and forth, fighting with you, stops texting, etc., then his talk of marriage is not genuine. Instead, look for a new local guy you can see on a regular basis ho is consistent and easy to get along with.

  4. Hi Ronnie, I started seeing this boy in January. Things were going really great but when the quarantine measures started in March, he had to fly back home to his family. I was really confident that we would continue seeing each other when he gets back, but then he stopped replying as often to my texts and our communication really slowed down. I eventually texted him and told him that I still liked him. He replied and told me that he doesn’t know where he’s at because he hasn’t seen me in a while and just wanted to see where it goes when he gets back. We stopped texting for a bit now he’s suddenly popped up again. Do I continue texting him or leave it be? I’m worried he only misses the attention from me.

    • Hi Marley, long distance relationships are really hard – I have several posts about that. When it comes to relating to men, there’s no control. So you do take a risk by continuing to text. He might only want the attention. Or he might be genuinely interested. It’s impossible to know. So, if you won’t be terribly hurt or disappointed, go ahead and stay in touch. Just know the chances are there that you will not see him again. Staying detached is the answer but it’s not easy.

  5. Hello, I am 30s asian he is 50s German. We met through an dating app a month ago and have dated five times so far(in person). We usually use Instagram DM and he doesn’t seem to like texting itself because most of texting is related to asking me for out and schedule date or reply to my stories. Anyway, he is one who initiate to text and ask me out. Since last meeting(2 weeks ago), he stopped even replying my story so I texted him to say thanks for the gift with the pic (I got last date) and then last Sunday(a week ago) I asked him if he is free this week. Said, Since his office started opening after the pandemic and he has his company’s exhibition, he wanted to see how those works out. When I texted him, he answered me quick and explaining what is happening and doing in his private and at work. He still liked my Instagram posts(not all) and also I noticed he liked old post too (I believe he went to check my profile) obviously his interest is in his work or might be new person now … or is he playing game cuz I feel he wants to get attention of mine…what to do ? He is Big company’s executive and I know he is busy and I have not tried to text lots not to bother him….

    • Hello Wei, You can’t based a man’s interest on text messaging. It really means so little because it takes so little effort. Instead, it’s time to realize that either his work will always come first or his interest in you is decreasing. Sadly, either way that makes him the wrong man. I encourage you to keep looking because I’m sure you’ll find someone better.

  6. Hi Ronnie,

    I met this guy online since february and we used to text everyday on watsapp and talk on the phone. He said he loves me and he wants me to work with him and get married and he will come to see my parents (as he is in a different country) after this pandemic. This month things started to change as he did not call me for two weeks now and he told me he needs this month to decide about our plans also his texting habits changed and started to text me less and wants me to initiate the conversations. the last days i decided to stop initiating to text him and he stopped texting me too for two days now. I am not sure about what he is thinking.

    • Hi Hanane, Unfortunately this doesn’t sound good. He’s pulling back and there’s no way to know wha tis happening in a different country. Long distance is too hard and rarely works out. Chances are he is seeing someone new or changed his mind for some reason. I”m sorry to say that when behavior like this changes, it lets you know he’s no longer that interested. Please look for someone local.

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