Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? Don’t text him! This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting Him - woman textingIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting.

Texting is fun! Sometimes it’s fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees.

Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. Texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

Texting On and Off

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically.

There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went.

Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you.

So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

should I text him man with jacket over shoulderDoes he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult?

I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.”

Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing.

You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are.

A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you.

You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Understand Dating

Many Women Don't Understand Dating

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option.

They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing, there is one leader and one follower.

As a woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

Follow His Lead

The same thing is true at the start of dating.

Follow a man’s lead:

  • If he texts, text him back.
  • If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER.

This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40.

It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think about dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE.

But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

Don’t Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you.

They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose are men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right?

This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him?

Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than a week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one.

The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.


When you don’t text him, observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential.

If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting.


165 thoughts on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men”

  1. Hello
    Ive been on 3 dates with him and we have chemistry as he told me. He also said you dont initiate. So i text him almost every day or night a simple hello or good night etc. I just dont know what he means. Also we have been initimate.

    • Hi Naomi, I don’t know what he means by “You don’t initiate” either. Was it during sex? Could he mean that you should ask him out or text daily? Who knows? Just ask him what he means. Say, “When you told me, ‘You don’t initiate”

      what did you mean?” Sometimes men who want you to initiate they are beta guys who rather follow. Other times they want the woman to initiate so they don’t feel guilty when they don’t do the work to build the relationship. Then a man like this can say to himself, “She initiated – I didn’t chase her.”

      This is why I recommend letting the men initiate for at least the first 6-8 dates so you can see how serious a man is. Right now, there’s no way to know if he’s into or not, especially if you initiate! So ask him what he means and then decide – is this the kind of man I want to invest my time and heart in? Maybe he is, but keep your eyes open and make a conscious decision. Don’t let it just keep rolling on like you have no say if he’s not the right guy.

    • Hi Ronnie,
      Thanks for your reply. Yes it was after sex lying in bed. We were just talking and having a nice conversation and then says “ i have one problem with you.” I replied “ like what?”. He then said “ you don’t initiate contact”. I was like “ how can i make it up to you?” I hugged him. Then was upset and replied “ you have to initiate contact, i feel like i am always reaching out to you. “ this is true. I replied” i dont want to be clingy and moved to my side of the bed. He said you contact me, just cant be me all the time. On our get togethers i do admit he reaches out but i dont want to as i read your blog whcih is basically get them to do the work. Dont reach out and seem needy. So confused. So i texted him almost every second day a small greeting or joke. I gave up in my second week. And he started again. He also said that night in bed he doesnt have time to date. We have chemistry. I am so lost, i just dont know. He is a workaholic. I dont want to seem like i am desperate. Just playing it cool. But i guess he took it the wrong way.

  2. I would at this point not contact him again and let him come to you. so much easier said than done. I KNOW. however, next time he asks what you have going on say you’re busy two of those three days. dont sound too available. Let him come to you at this point. If you reach out again and do end up seeing him, you’ll wonder the whole time if he’s doing it out of true desire or just to appease you. Right now? I’d go silent. Wait and see. Good luck!

    • Hi Kate – I agree completely! Well said. Get scarce and see how he reacts – -that will tell you everything you need to know about how important you are to him.

  3. Hey Ronnie, good read! I met a guy online and we had a great first date. He texted me all day every day even after our date. Were now Facebook friends, and he wanted a second date. However yesterday he did not text me at all while I was at work. I cracked and he responded when I got home. Again this morning there was nothing. I mentioned my next days off when we were planning a second date (these next 3 days). Today he asked what I have going on and I said, “Nothing planned” hoping he’d take initiative to meet. But I don’t want to say something and make a fool out of myself to keep this going if he suddenly stopped texting me. Our profiles are still up. This is a paid site, so I can’t imagine people want to mess around. Should I keep it moving and go out with other people? Kind of disappointed because I was really holding out for this one.

    • Hi 4years, A man can text all day long as he did and you can see it means NOTHING. What matters is what he does to spend time with you. Many women fall for this texting nonsense. Here’s the problem, when you date online you can’t hold out hope for a man you met once. You need to date as many men that interest you who ask you out as you can because you NEVER KNOW WHO WILL ASK YOU OUT AGAIN. Not doing this means you waste time with each guy who stops texting and disappears. Not a very efficient dating strategy. Doing this is called “Serial Dating” and it’s a way to suffer heartbreak after heartbreak from not taking your time and qualifying the men you get emotionally attached to.

      In addition, DO NOT ASSUME because people pay to be on a site that they are serious about finding a relationship. NO WAY! Tons of players, people who don’t even know what they want and a few who are already in relationships are all there. It’s your job to weed through the prospects and not get attached to anyone until a man PROVES his worth and interest with consistent weekly dates and communication over several weeks. Plus, you discuss exclusivity and agree to take your profiles down before you stop dating others. That’s how you hedge your bets to find love with a good match.

      So as far as this guy is concerned, follow the advice from this post and stop texting him. I think you’ll discover, even if he does text again, he’s really not serious about wanting to be with you.

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