Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting Him - woman textingIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting. The texting is fun! Sometimes its fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees. Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. The texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

Texting On and Off

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went. Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you. So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

should I text him man with jacket over shoulderDoes he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult? I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.” Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing. You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are. A man who is interested, but not setting up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you. You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Understand Dating

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option. They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing there is one leader and one follower. As the woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

Follow His Lead

The same thing is true at the start of dating. Follow a man’s lead. If he texts, text him back. If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER. This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40. It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE. But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you. They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him, before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose is men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right? This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one. The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.


Then you’ll observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential. If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting.


152 responses on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi TinaKa, Okay I’m going to be very direct here and point out he has already said he can’t do a relationship. So you are OK with casual? Casual means all on his terms. Ask yourself if this is something you want – a man you can’t count on, who doesn’t want a relationship, but might contact you occasionally when it suits him? There are no rules for this since there is nothing to spoil. You are free to text him or not. For me, I would block him. He might be a good person, but he is emotionally and physically unavailable and will most likely cause you heartache. I think you deserve more than that, but that’s just me.

  2. TinaKa

    What are the rules for texting a guy in this situation:
    A guy I went on a couple of dates with (he lives an hour away), told me with his job and current issues with one of his twin daughters that he cannot do a relationship. With anyone. I said okay, and understood. Well after that text he would randomly text me checking in. A couple of weeks ago he texted me out of the blue telling me to be careful because a bad snow storm was going to be in our area. I appreciated the thought behind that, and realize he’s probably seeing if I still have interest in him. Well, with his job he works nights and we do have a storm headed in. Do I make the move and randomly text him to be careful? My last text to him said that I hoped he wouldn’t be a stranger and I enjoyed hearing from him. He sent the kiss emoji. So do I wait for him to text ? I’m fully aware that we may only end up casually seeing one another.

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi CJ, I’m so sorry to say this, but this man who gives you the tiniest crumb of attention has you completely hooked! He has nothing to offer you. He’s not here and he already dumped you once. What he wants is the fantasy of you while away to boost his ego. If you stay in touch he’ll know that’ you’ll accept his emotional crumbs. And, what will you get? More empty words and promises. He is NOT your destiny – he’s just saying that, playing with your heart and head. Saying things he knows a woman likes to hear. Don’t fall for this. I would think you’d prefer an honest man who was geographically, emotionally and physically available. I hope you see him for the player he is and find a better man to date. There’s no method to make him a good or honest man.

  4. CJ

    Wondering how I might apply or if this can be applied to my situation. Scenario: both 40’s, independent and single and he is absolutely gorgeous. Women want him and he knows it. We dated a few months in 2018, up until he dropped me right before getting deployed. The excuse was “I deserve a man who is going to he around and not take off every time! Someone who isn’t at risk of never coming home. (At the time 3 important family members had cancer and 1 was about to die). A year passes and I could not get him out of my head – Zero contact! Until one day in December 2019, we reconnected. Met up, talked (he remembered everything) only to find out he is going out on a dangerous journey 3 weeks later. (His job is more important than I thought). Prior to leaving, he tells me “we are destiny; meant to be together!” We can communicate through a messaging service, but we really didn’t discuss our relationship. QUESTION: Can I still apply this method on a guy who is concentrating on a dangerous mission, knowing his mind is somewhere else? I don’t want him to think he’s forgotten but at the same time don’t want it to seem like I’m needy or put him on a digital string. Last we communicated was on New Years Day.

  5. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Pinkglass, He will never tell you the reason but I can sure guess. He LIKES texting with you, but refuses to make any effort for anything more. He doesn’t care if he sees or speaks to you. But that doesn’t make YOU feel good so why do it? When a man doesn’t want to make you happy, doesn’t want to speak to you or see you, he’s not a good boyfriend. Why keep him around? Stop texting and BLOCK HIM. Then go look fora new man who wants a REAL relationship – a guy who wants to spend time together and speak to you, not just text. Stop wondering why and be satisfied knowing he’s not the right man since he won’t spend time with you. Walk away from men who don’t treat you well. You are in charge of how you get treated.

  6. Pinkglass

    When I stop texting my boyfriend, he keep texting and calling me. Ask me if im fine? And he also keep saying that its been long days since i silent. When i said i want stop texting, he keep asking why that? Its like he dont want me to stop texting him. He keep giving excuses he just busy with work. And he said he will never stop texting me. But after i start reply him, he return to old habit ~> texting me only 1x for only 1 minute per day, he cant be reached, difficult for me to do conversation/discussion with him. he know that but seems its so difficult for him to change. Theres fews times where he silent for 2days before he start replying my message.. He said he just work, eat and sleep, same routine everyday. I think He seems doesnt love me so why he still want to texting me?? I just want know reason why he still want texting me if he doesnt love me.

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi April – You are confused because you think that his texting means he likes you. But I’m sorry to say his texting means nothing. What has meaning is that he told you to go find another man. That’s all you need to know to be smart and move on. He’s told you he’s not the man for you. If he was truly interested he’d be asking you out not texting. Do what you can to let go, block him on your phone and look for another man to date. Practice talking to men so you don’t clam up – that will be a big help for finding love.

  8. April Kanon

    Hi! Ronnie. I’m have a little confused with my crush. We were sometimes texting and the conversation is just smoothly fine but when we were unexpectedly bumped into each other at campus the only thing that I can say to him is just ‘Hi!’ because my heart suddenly beating so fast whenever i saw him or talk to him and he then smiled at me. He knew that I like him, so sometimes he keep rejecting me like ‘go find another man, there’s more fish in the sea’ then I said to him that ‘I dont want to’ and sometimes he open a chance for me and whenever I try to end the conversation, he then still keep the conversation goes on. The question is I’m confused with his acting right now, is he also like me or not?

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Jen, Perhaps you are allowing your empathy to take over or you are a highly sensitive person. It has nothing to do with you as he explained. Instead, it sounds like he is already stretched emotionally beyond his ability to handle things well. Leave him alone. Pretend he doesn’t exist except to be cordial. Somethings don’t work out and you will often NOT KNOW WHY. This is a big part of life so find a way to let it go. If you want to find love, get online or go out and mingle. Sorry to say he’s not your man.

  10. Jennnnnn

    I work with this guy and we just started talking. We work in a small office so what he is doing is really annoying me but maybe I should understand? I have been hurt so many times I honestly don’t know when I am being lied to or told the truth. He pursued me, getting my number. We were both new 2 months ago, now we barely talk. I don’t know what I did, but I asked him like what was up. he said his sister has cancer and his mom is very sick, he is there care taker. I don’t think he has a dad in the picture. We don’t talk that much so I cant even find out. we have had like one good conversation through texting and that was it. When he told me all of this about his sister and mom he was very offended that I was annoyed about him not replying to me. So what should I think of this? I catch feelings way to easy and I wish I didn’t.

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sasha, This might be hard to hear or perhaps you already know, but he lives with a woman. That is the ONLY explanation. He can’t have you meet family members – they would know he is cheating. I know you love him, but it’s time to ask yourself why you put up with this kind of treatment? This is not what healthy love is. He only gives you what he can when he’s not with his primary woman. This is terrible for you. You deserve better. You want to be with a man who spends time with you, is a part of your life and you are part of his. After a year, you know this will never happen. Be honest with yourself and walk away to keep your dignity. Then when you feel ready, look for love again. Next time know that if you don’t start meeting a man’s people within 3 months, something is not right.

  12. Sasha

    Hi Ronnie. I met this guy who was really great off tinder a year ago. We went on many dates. We got serious he told me he loved me – I felt the same. After a year I feel very confused. I’ve asked him to meet my family many times. Nothing. I haven’t met his friends or family and never been to his house. When we want to be romantic, we meet at a hotel. I never spoke with him on the phone while he’s at home. I asked why and he says he’s been hurt before and scared it’ll happen again. I would never hurt him so I’m pretty lost on that. Weekends come I barely hear from him I know I’m a fool. We live an hour away from each other so it’s hard for me to even see what’s going on I can only go on what I am told.

  13. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lyn, His behavior is showing you that he’s not really interested. When a man stops connecting, responding and spending time with you, that’s how you know he’s no longer serious about you. You did the right thing just letting it go. Missing him is completely normal and natural. Having not heard from him means he’s sort of done with it. Even if he reaches out, don’t get caught back up with him. You deserve better – I totally agree!

  14. Lyn

    Hi Ronnie, Talked for about 4 months with a guy – it was good at the beginning. We met more than 10 times. However, I asked him last month if he wanted to meet the next day. He read, but never replied til the following week saying he missed me. I asked him what happened? He read without a response again. I texted him two days later,saying I know he had a difficult time but the polite way is to tell me what’s going on. He replied sorry and it wasn’t his intention to hurt me. He started talking to me every 2 days saying he missed me or having me around (he’s back in his homecountry). He only talked to me when he wanted to, so I told him I deserve more respect. He then said it was a difficult time for him. However, after I read the message I didn’t know what to reply so I just left it. I miss him and I’m not sure what I did was the right thing. I have not heard from him since that day.

  15. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maria, There’s no way to know why eh’s doing this. If you want, you could reach out first one time. But chances are that is not the problem. Sometimes men like the fun and fantasy more than the actual dates. It may be that he doesn’t want a relationship – just a few dates. Or that he’s dating lots of women. But you won’t lose him because you didn’t text first – no way, not if he was genuinely interested. If he fades away – that’s on him NOT YOU.

  16. Maria

    Hi Ronnie,

    I have met this guy on Tinder and we’ve constantly chatting for two weeks and met twice. We have a good connection. After those dates we have he somehow changed he would still message me but its only 2-3 messages unlike before that he would message me non stop and we finished until midnight. He lay low. He always sent messages first. I didn’t initiate checking him or messaging him first as I want to know if he is really into me. Did I made the right decision to not to message him first? I was just thinking maybe he would ghost me or he will slip away because I feel like he is fading away and I really like him. 🙁

  17. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Bndu – If you want to be in love, he’s not the one He’s just after sex. That was totally inappropriate to make that request on the video call. If you have any self-respect my dating advice is t block him on your phone to prevent further communication. If you want to find love you have to date till you meet a good, respectful and caring man. Don’t settle for trash because you are lonely.

  18. Bndu

    I found a man via a dating app. He is single. But he says divorced. It took us 4 days and got to know each other – we were so much into each other. On the 5th day we went for a date. He was never ready to leave me to go to my home. But when we were on a ride home he kept touching my legs. Next day he was bit weird. We were on a video call and he asked me to show my boobs. We are Indian and lives in Australia. I went completely blank. Is this a sign of lust or should I date with this man any more? I cant forget him and am into this man. But after the video call I have not even texted nor checked my mobile for his calls. Please guide me how to go ahead. I am fed up of being single. I want love in my life.

  19. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Daisy – Why bother at all texting some man too far away to date? The distance will always be a problem for seeing each other. I would only text local guys and only for 7 days. If he can’t find a way to meet within 7-10 at the most, get him out of your possible line up. You want a man who is available and a long distance guy is NOT.

  20. Daisy

    How do you know how far to take the daily texting if he lives in a different state. I’m perplexed as to why it’s continuing? He is the initiator of the contact morning & night. How long until it progresses to someone committing to travel?

  21. Ice queen

    You are an excellent writer. Your article spoke to me directly where I am at, at this very time. Great advice.

  22. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Yes Alberto – of course you can text someone who texts you and shows interest. But the point is texting is not meaningful – DATES ARE. So if a man is just texting a woman and not going on dates, the best thing to do if she wants a real boyfriend is stop texting to see what he’ll do next. Will he ask her out, ghost or continue texting. Most women aren’t looking for a texting buddy – they want true love and a real relationship. Texting is merely a supplement to DATES.

  23. Alberto Salvia Novella

    After various attempts if the girl doesn’t text me back, independently on how interested I am on her, I will completely stop trying. Why? Very obvious: why pursue someone who doesn’t want to be with me in the first place? It doesn’t matter my level of interest, it’s a two ways road.
    So following the advice in this post you would join the many that failed with me. Instead do it simple: show interest in the people that show interest back, and forget about the rest.

  24. Catrina

    I need some advice on Ghosting. My guy best friend and I have recently revealed that we have feelings for one another. It was always kind of obvious, but over the past year it’s been extreme. He and I have known one another for years and people have joked saying we may as well be in a relationship since we know one another so well. About 6 months ago he visited (he lives 50 miles away), and told me he had to be honest. He said he has an off and on girlfriend and the relationship isn’t always good. I listened and gave advice. Via texts we talked more about it as he struggled over the next few months. One night he sent me a text saying how he doesn’t know if he can be with her because he has always loved me and cares for me. He even mentioned moving in with me if he could find work around here…

  25. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jennifer, I understand a lot about men but sadly I’m not a mind reader. I don’t know how serious he is – you’ve only had two dates. It does seem strange that he would invite you to meet his friend who is a woman. Maybe he’s just a “more the merrier” type of person who is very open or wants a threesome. I have no idea. But I will say this TRUST YOUR GUT. If something feels weird or funky – pay attention and don’t see him again.

  26. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jit, why are you engaged to marry a man who is too tired to text or talk to you? Things will NOT get better if he ever does marry you. If you are not happy with how he treats you, say so and tell him what you want. If he can’t do better, you need to think about what you are getting yourself into. He’s not the right man for you and you will be deeply unhappy,

  27. Jit

    Hi Ronnie, Its been more than 6 months we are together. First, we talked for about a month but then he stopped for a month saying hes not really ready for a relationship and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. After that month, he texted me and I played it cool, He said he Loved and missed me. We literally used to talk anytime in day and night. After two months, he said he’s too busy and messaged less. I said it’s fine but he wouldn’t message me all day and only at night after work. Then we got engaged. Now, he sometimes doesn’t message for a day or two. He says hes too busy and tired. We always go out on Saturday or Friday and sometimes twice. What I don’t understand is that how is he so much busier than he was before. Hes doing the same job. He said to me he cant be bothered to text me sometimes because hes too tired.

  28. Jennifer

    Hello Ronnie, I know this guy from a dating app and met in person twice. We don’t text regularly, just when we have a meeting plan. While we were meeting yesterday, he got a call from his friend. As per phone conversation, his friends are in city for now to meet them for drink. He invited me to meet his friends (he mentioned “she”) for drink and I refused. Then he asked me for the next meeting plan. If i was him, I wouldn’t ask to meet my friends for sure because we’ve seeing just twice. What is his intention? What do you think? I truly appreciate for your advice.

  29. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cheery, Good for you for not texting first! What is that about? Now he hasn’t texted in 3 days. What does that tell you about him? He’s not that interested or serious. The truth is texting is meaningless. Have you met him or been on a date? That’s a true measure. Don’t bother with this guy.

  30. Cheery

    Hi Ronnie
    I met a guy online a week ago and we have been constantly texting every day. He texted me first all time. A couple days ago, he asked me to text him first but I don’t because i never asked him to text me first and i feel like why i would do as he ask. No one asks me like that before so its kinda weird for me. Do you think it is normal or why he asked me that. Isn’t he interested texting me first? So now i haven’t seen his message for 3 days now. Should i keep replying or not when he text? Looking forward to hearing from your opinion & advice.

  31. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Julie, A couple of things. First – this is who he is – he may have some amazing qualities but he clearly has a problem with anger, flying off the handle at small things. This is a tip of to BEWARE. No matter how much you click, that anger will only get worse. Second, it’s not your job to help him with this problem. He has to want to help himself. Being over tired is something you use as an excuse with a child, not a mature man. This is not an astrology-based problem, it’s an emotional issue and if you stick with him, you will feel his wrath. I encourage you to think about this long and hard before you get in deeper.

  32. JulieW

    I have been chatting with a male Scorpio who is 10 years older than me. I’m a Pisces, so I am very patient , caring, and will give my right arm for anyone that I care about. This Scorpio and I fell for each other immediately and he is so sweet and handsome. We just click on many levels. The issue is at times, the smallest things can upset him and he turns into a different person. As an example: he found out a football game is on later and he has to work. Apparently me asking him if he would be able to watch it was not good because he wrote back saying he had to work and was so pissed off. I texted back trying to calm him down and haven’t heard a word since. I’ve never seen a guy with such mood swings. Do I stop texting and just let him be for a while? I only want to help and he knows that I realize he is over tired and working so hard lately.

  33. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Bolle, Do you want a boyfriend with whom you can build lasting love? If yes, this is NOT your guy. First men are not projects. If he can’t follow through to meet you because his life is chaotic, the translation is that he’s NOT ready. And he’s EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE if he’s telling you about how his ex hurt him. Not the sign of a man with an open, healthy heart. So the answer to your question is – No, don’t wait for him. Stop being so nice and accommodating and hoping to help. Don’t help him – Please help yourself by look for a man who is READY NOW.

  34. Bolle

    I have been texting with a great guy who is super flirty. We really hit it off , and we have been talking about meeting up, but whenever I suggest it he vanishes. He has been the one who said where we could meet etc. he disappeared for 2 weeks and randomly texted me saying he had been going through some things and his life was just chaotic. He was down in the dumps. So I told him I was sorry and that I didn’t know how to help but that I wouldn’t flood his phone with texts but he knew where I was if he needed anything. It’s been a week again and nothing. I know he had been hurting because of a job situation and his ex really did a number on him. I want to be supportive but don’t want to intrude . He’s so great when he is happy so I feel like I need to be patient ??

  35. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Bknees, I hate to tell you that a man who vanishes is NOT that into you. While he says he loves you, it’s not like you think. Saying that and “I miss you” is just romantic talk – not meaningful without the action to SEE you. I would say this guy is more into his girlfriend than he says. He’s a cheater who enjoys romance, so he reaches out to you because he knows you have feelings and empathy for him. My advice goes beyond texting. Why do you interact with a man like this who throws you occasional crumbs? If you don’t really want a relationship and are Ok with that, then this makes sense. If you DO want a relationship that’s not a “wild ride,” but more stable and consistent, stop texting him completely, dump this guy, and move on.

  36. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cherry, Thanks for the compliment! Hmm, you had a second date but cancelled it because you two hadn’t been in touch enough. Now you are hoping he’ll ask again? Not likely. There’s a conflict – he asked you for a 2nd date right away, but planned it out 3 weeks. Now it’s been five weeks and no second date. I think it’s safe to say there won’t be a second date. Just let it go at this point. You’ll find other men to date. This guy isn’t acting like he’s into you. One thing though – don’t cancel a date with a man you WANT to see. You could have gone on the date and said, “I like it when a man stays in touch between dates.” This gives him a chance to do what pleases you and if he doesn’t he disqualifies himself.

  37. Cherry

    Hi Ronnie!

    I met a guy on dating app. He asked me 2nd date right away when i got home from 1st date. That 2nd date plan happened 3 week later. Due to uncomfortable, I canceled it last minute because we haven’t chat for a while like before and this 2nd date like 1st date for me. I apologized him and i said i will make up the other time. He said ok. We had short texted 2-3 times during these 2 weeks and he hasn’t asked me the make up plan so should i ask him as promised? Thanks in advance and looking forward to hearing your great advice.

  38. Bknees

    All of these comments are Superb because I have the same issue. What do you do when a male friend, who has feelings for you vanishes randomly? He doesn’t live near me but is close enough to drive. His schedule sucks so we text when he is able to. Known each other for years so him vanishing is nothing new, except over the past few months we’ve started missing each other. We hooked up before he left and shared how we love each other. He isn’t able to commit to me because he has an off and on gf that owns the house he lives in. I know wild. Like a soap opera. With guys do u back off when they text saying they want to meet up but don’t follow thru? Also, this one will text and say he’s upset, vaguely say why and vanish. I feel like if he wants to see me and wants to share what’s wrong he will. Advice for this wild ride?

  39. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Inder – You are asking me about texting a guy who isn’t initiating? This blog post is about why you should STOP texting. So my advice is to stop texting him. That’s the only way to see if he steps up and connects. Then again, texting is not enough. He has to go on dates with you. A good morning texts is meaningless – he could be texting that to a bunch of women – it’s not even personal. The truth is, if a man isn’t asking you out – he’s not into you. It really is that simple and the reasons do not matter. Try again – there are plenty of good men to meet.

  40. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Joan, I’m going to tell you straight – it’s not your job to help a man through his emotional crisis. Women who do this realize it’s a thankless job. If a man does let you help him, the minute he’s better he’ll dump you. Men are not projects or something that needs fixing. Don’t be his emotional crutch, trading your empathy and support hoping to get his love. That never works.

    He has to take care of his life all by himself. The best thing to do is leave him alone. Don’t feel sorry for him about his girlfriend – if he complains to you about her, he’d complain to the next one about you! Instead, why not find a man who is single and wants a relationship with you – a man who is happy and emotionally healthy. Now that would be the best use of your time. Focus on yourself and your life and let him be.

  41. Inder

    Hi, I meet a couple guys a on a dating app. One was more quick to ask me out and is always initiating conversation or making more conversation. The other one, the one I’m more interested in, we have more fun and sometimes in depth conversations. But it’s been two weeks but he’s hasn’t asked me out yet. I have been dropping hints for him to ask me out. His last relationship was 6 months ago. He said he was a rebound in that relationship and it was a mutual decision to break it off. I don’t know if because of that he wants to take his time. I rather him start the conversation again. I think he may also be interested in me, one of the days he texted, good morning, early in the morning. He wrote a paragraph of qualities he’s looking for. He asked what my regrets were. I just have really fun conversations with him. Should I just text?

  42. JoanJ

    Good day 🙂 I’m hoping you can advise me on how to handle a situation with my male best friend. He tends to be an introvert , yet he works with the public daily doing a very hectic and dangerous job. We text weekly but at times he just falls off the grid for weeks. He is living with a woman who doesn’t make him happy and he tends to get depressed with his situation. My gut tells me he has feelings for me that are causing him to also feel cruddy about his situation because he really cannot just pick up and leave. I love him dearly and want to help him through this. The last time I sent told him I was here and would listen to him . I even told him if he wanted to take a road trip and stay here some weekend he could. In the meantime , do I text him daily asking how he is and joke with him or just let things be? I don’t want to bother him.

  43. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Eln, Mutual attraction is not enough for a healthy relationship. This man is not in a good spot on so many aspects of life so he has pulled away. While your offer was generous, be grateful he didn’t take you up on it. He’s not in stable and that would put tremendous pressure on your relationship. This is not some problem you can solve for him. He is going through something he has to resolve himself and get back up on his own two feet.

    Sometimes kind and generous women like yourself, having deep empathy, take on a man as a project. But honestly, this never works. Either it ends in the woman’s resentment for all she gave (emotionally and monetarily) or the guy leaves once he feels better and finds a new woman. This happens ALL THE TIME! I know you’ve been on a lot of dates, but sounds to me like a few more would be a good idea. Don’t let your search end with a man who is in such a tough place you can never be his priority or focus. He has to clean up his own life first.

  44. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Nevia, I am going to be very direct here and I hope you won’t mind. You don’t have this guy to lose. He has a girlfriend! Texting and sexting are not signs a man loves you. You are putting too much trust into this Scorpip thing, basing this love on his words alone. Without effort to spend time with you his words have no truth. His nice words string you along as he uses you for emotional support. A man who vanishes is showing you inconsistency, a lack of respect and emotional intelligence. Can you imagine being in a close relationship with a secretive man who vanishes? How hurtful! You cannot make him happy – you have to make YOURSELF happy. I encourage you to let him go because honestly there is nothing you can do to make him yours. He has to WANT that and make the effort himself which he is NOT doing by pulling away. Love yourself enough to find true love rather than accept the breadcrumbs this man offers you. Little scraps of himself when he feels ready to talk about himself and his girlfriend! Sounds a little narcissistic to me. You deserve FAR BETTER than that from a man you love.

  45. Nevia

    Hi ronnie! I am dealing with a Scorpio male who is mysterious. He flirts in person, texts, sexts, and vanishes for weeks. We’re attracted to each other but he has a GF. We worked together for 8 years, became close friends and enjoyed talking about baseball etc. He told me private things about his life and Gf. From what I know about Scorpio’s, they don’t share unless they trust you. His job requires him to travel and live elsewhere for months at a time, so he currently lives 100 miles away. We were keeping in touch and planning on meeting up for dinner so he could update me on his health and explain why he is so unhappy in his relationship. I feel like Dr Phil with him haha. My heart has always been tugged at by him. He told me he loves me (being a Scorpio they don’t throw that around). He can be secretive, and likes his space when he is upset or thinking. He’s admitted if he vanishes it’s in him, not me. The last text I got was 3 weeks ago. I sent back him a sweet note and didn’t smother him with texts. I feel like he’s pushing me away. He pulled the ebrake and it sucks. I don’t want to lose this guy. He makes me so happy when I see him in person, and we have quite the history together. If he truly is unhappy, I want to make him happy. Do I text him??

  46. Eln

    Hi Ronnie I’ve been on dozens of dates, lost count after 60 from dating sites over the years. I’ve been texting this guy throughout the day every day since January we met in May. We got on great and liked each other, the attraction is amazing and mutual. He suddenly had to instantly find somewhere to live after family argument. Was sleeping in his car, then a mates couch for a short while, then back in his car. He didn’t want the rest of his family to know about argument and was bit distant with me but apologized as he was feeling under the weather with accommodation crisis. He suddenly stopped texting me last week, I’d texted him asking what’s happening and don’t be avoiding me over his accommodation crisis that he’s more than welcome to share my bed. I also said I felt the attraction is mutual but also did say if I’m wrong let me know and I’ll leave him be. He didn’t respond, I can only imagine the stress and worry of suddenly have to pay for accommodation after been living at home since his marriage broke up 4 yrs ago.

  47. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jannett, No I would not message him or ask him out again. You already did that once and that’s all you get. Otherwise you’ll be chasing him. A man can have a great time with you AND not want to see you again (women do this too). The sign for true interest is when a man asks you out again within 7 days and hopefully less. He also stays in touch with texting and phone calls to get to know you better. But texting alone means nothing without the effort to go on dates weekly. Sorry to say he’s already shown the signs he’s not into you enough or he’s more casual about dating. For more understanding about this situation, read this post on letting the man lead so you know if he likes you or not.

  48. Jannett

    Hey Ronnie, I met this guy online and we hit it off, we had the same sense of humor. We planned to go out and he canceled. But he initiated the next date and we met up. The date went really well (or I think so haha) and he told me multiple times that he likes me and that I challenge him. We were texting after the date and I invited him out (it was last minute) and he said he was busy that day but wanted to see me and that we should plan another night. He messaged me himself the next morning. My last message was a question and he didn’t say anything. I haven’t heard from him for a few days. I don’t know If I should message him or not.

  49. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Lee, Sad to say, it’s time to accept he’s not serious about you. He vanished already – pulled away. Texting you while drinking doesn’t count for anything. And he’s been seen with another. “Bow out” as you say. No need to address this with him. Let it go and look for love locally. I’m sure there’s a guy out there who will WANT to spend time with you. Lastly, don’t accept the “crumbs” of a texting relationship if you want true love. Text for 7 days tops and then if you don’t go on a date, stop texting and move on.

  50. Lee

    Hi ! My question is regarding the rules to reaching out to a guy who has vanished. I have known him for awhile and we have been flirting back and forth. Yes we have distance between the two of us, but manageable in my opinion. We would text every other day at night (he works an odd schedule), and he has said he would like to see me. Well I missed a text from him one night. I think he had been out with his guys at the bar . Hahaha anyways I sent him a sweet text back in the morning and I never heard a word. It’s been 2 weeks! I know to give him space as that is just his personality, but I am feeling lousy not hearing from him. A friend told me she thought she saw him with another girl and had been texting another friend of ours – simply as friends nothing more.
    Do I just bow out ?

  51. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jessica, As you read in the blog post, you are better off not initiating. Don’t keep texting a guy and being first to start the conversation. If he likes you, he’ll be in touch. As the woman, the last thing you want is to be the one keeping things going because then you think things are OK, but actually you are doing all the work and he might be going along for the ride. Men don’t like to feel pursued by a woman. Read this post on the Ballroom Dancing Principle of dating – that will help you better understand what works.

  52. Jessica

    Hi Ronnie, I started talking to this guy on a dating app and we hit it off and exchanged numbers. We were messaging every day and then we went on our date and it was amazing(well I thought so haha) we just clicked. Messaged him after the date and told him I had a great time and that we should catch up again. He replied and said he did too and he’ll see me when he gets back from Bali (which he still had two weeks until bali) I was gonna leave it at that because I was high off the date! But my friends said I should Continue to message him….So I did and no reply. Then I messaged him again then he replied but then stopped replying. This is my third time going on a date, so I’m new to all of this what are your thoughts on this? Like if he liked me wouldn’t he have replied?

  53. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cheryl, Sounds like he’s very casual. If he were serious about you he wouldn’t wait weeks between dates and certainly not between texts. I encourage you to read more about dating – there are lots of great books available so you can learn what is reasonable to expect and what are signs that he’s not that interested. In this case, I would say he’s only mildly interested. I’m sure there are other men who could be more interested in you than this guy has shown.

  54. Cheryl

    Hi Ronnie, I met a guy on dating app a month ago. We have been texted at least 2 days weekly for 3 weeks before meeting. He started texting me mostly on Thursday evening and Friday. Then i replied his text constantly. After 1st date, he texted me let’s go out again. I replied “sounds good” (my reply kinda delayed but i replied). After that, we haven’t texted for a while. 3 weeks later, he asked me 2nd date. So what is it about? Why didn’t he text constantly like before? Is it normal? I’m 33 yrs old and he was my first date. So, i don’t know about dating style/rule. Thanks in advance!

  55. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cruiser, If you can’t pin a man down to when he’ll visit – that means only one thing – HE DOESN’T WANT TO VISIT. Don’t try to lure a man in with dinner and whiskey. Either he wants to see you or not, and I’m so sad to say, he’s NOT into SEEING you. He is happy to keep you hanging. Why let him? Cut this off and block and look for a man who WILL spend time with you.

  56. Cruiser

    Ronnie- I am fed up with a guy who keeps me hanging! He is so confusing with the way he flirts via text and backs off. We get along great , in person we absolutely have fun, but trying to get him to meet up is like pulling teeth. I have told him so many times that I will make dinner, have his favorite whiskey ready, and ME of course. As soon as I ask him if he wants to do that on a Friday night , I don’t hear back from him until days after. He always says his work schedule gets in the way. Yes he lives in the city but I have told him I am worth the drive , and he has told me how much he wants me. 😉 it’s been over a week since I heard from him and I feel crushed because maybe I should be texting him asking him how he is etc . So confused by his actions .

  57. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Oceanic, I’m going to be very direct. Here’s my question to you – do you think the way he treats you shows that he loves you? I sure hope you say no. Love is not a few texts or just a feeling. Love is treating someone with care. This man cheated with you, then slowed down texting, pulled away yet requests FWB and somehow this seems loving. I know you have feelings for him for 10 years. But, I suggest you spend some time learning to love yourself and build your self-worth. It’s time to realize you deserve REAL love with a man who sees only you, wants to spend time with you every week and not just talk about a love or look for sympathy because he’s unhappy with his GF.

  58. Oceanic

    Hi Ronnie! I admit my best friend and I have kept our feelings for each other hidden for 10 years. Our friends don’t know that we have fooled around. He had to relocate for his job and now lives farther away… with his girlfriend. I’ve known about her all of these years. I have even met her and honestly she is cold, and short tempered. They lived apart because of his job and he traveled back and forth. If he was sick or got hurt working I helped him. We shared deep conversations that helped us connect. Since he left, his texts slowed and he doesn’t update me. I don’t chase him. Sometimes he texts me saying he loves me and hates it with her but isn’t in a spot financially to leave. He won’t call me anywhere and only texts in his terms. I’ve never demanded answers and we’ve never fought. He’s ask to come see me on a day off for a few hours for FWB. It’s been a week since I have heard from him. I believe he loves me because he’s gorgeous and could have anyone. I’m confused because I don’t want to lose his friendship. I feel like he is backing off and ignoring my texts and when I ask if he wants to meet up, he vanishes. Ughhh. Men.

  59. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Mari, My advice about letting the guy lead and stepping back is for the start of a relationship. And, it can sometimes help with a relationship that is not working. When you pull back it gives a guy the chance to miss you, re-evaluate and step up. But this sounds like how it always is which means he’s just not into you. So yes, time for a change as you yourself said! Don’t put up with this! This is why I say LDRs do not work! If you feel starved for attention; 1) Be there for yourself first. Build a fulfilling life without a man – the man is an addition. He can’t be your only focus – that’s a recipe for disappointment and heartbreak. 2) Find a LOCAL man who wants to spend time with you and stay in touch. You’ll never be a good fit with a man who doesn’t want that.

  60. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jane, I hope you really want my advice…because my advice is to take yourself more serious and amp up your self-worth. You can’t take a man drunk texting you as a sign of anything. Forget if he’s been sick or shy – either he’s into you and he’s not and sadly he’s not serious at all. When a man doesn’t just ask you out, don’t push, try to make it happen or help the guy out. Move on!

  61. Mari

    I really liked this article. One of the hardest things with the guy I have feelings for, is to step back and wait. It’s been a long time with him. Whenever I think I’ve over texted or pushed too much asking for things, he suddenly pops back up texting. BUT at the same time, I am starved for attention because he doesn’t text me nearly as much as he used to. This is a long distance situation and I am learning that it’s very tough to have trust and also feel fulfilled. Bottom line I agree with letting the man chase and if he doesn’t text back after 2 texts to him, I let it go. That’s standard across the board with anyone. It hurts when you can see they’ve read it and don’t reply, so when that happens I just keep moving. I don’t call the person out because everyone’s busy and I’m guilty of the same when I’m busy. For now: if I want to keep settling I know he only will text a few times a week if that. May be time for a change.

  62. Jane

    Hello! I have a guy who is interested in me. We have known each other for awhile now. He lives about 3 hours away but we text occasionally. Flirting and chatting . He will randomly drink text me – sometimes after I am asleep and when I do reply the next day, I never hear a word. I ask if he is around to chat or if he wants to meet up and he skirts the subject . Mind u this guy has had some health issues and something tells me he is insecure about his possible performance if we do meet up. I’ve tried to make it clear that I absolutely find everything about him attractive but it seems like such a dead end. The last drunk text was last night with him just texting my name . I wrote back asking if he wants to see me with some sweet things and not a word. Any advice ??

  63. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anon – Yes sounds like he’s stringing you along and keeping you in he loop, but definitely not serious. If you are seeking a relationship, I would move on from this guy. Since he’s already pulled back, why bother with him? You deserve the real thing and sorry to say, you won’t get that from this guy.

  64. Anon1995

    We’ve had several dates, talk every day, suddenly we talk less so I confronted him and asked if he’s still interested or just. He says he’s just busy doesn’t want to rush into it… check on tinder and he has updated his profile with new recent pics? Obviously not ready to commit to me, should I end it? The talking is less and less meaningless and I know he is talking to other people. Please advise!!

  65. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Dear Not Good, I know you are hurting and confused but I’m going to speak plainly If you are not in a defined relationship, then it’s casual. That means you need to STOP EXPECTING him to treat you like you’re in a relationship – because you’re NOT. If you’re upset because he hasn’t texted in two days, then you are NOT OK with how things are and want more. Since he doesn’t want more or can’t give you more right now, then he’s not the right man for you to date. This is a situation where you have to take the emotion out of the equation and look at things objectively. You want more + he can’t give more = not the right man. It’s not easy perhaps to realize this truth, but it’s very simple.

  66. NotGoodAtDating

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months. We have a lot of fun together, are intimate, but he has a really busy schedule. It’s not a defined relationship right now and we’ve discussed that and I’m okay with that for right now. The issue I’m having is that after we hang out, sometimes he doesn’t text me for a couple of days. I’m somewhat understanding because he studies almost constantly and he does text first sometimes. But it bothers me that he can go so long and not even say hi. Not enough to stop seeing him, but enough that I kind of want to say something. I already know I’m not going to text him until he decides to text me. My question is what do I do when he does decide to text me? Should I let him know I’m upset that he doesn’t even take the time to say hi for days after I go out of my way to do nice things for him? Is this something communication can fix, or does he just not care about me?

  67. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi 4Ever, I’m not sure what word you used, but seems to have turned him off. I’m sorry to say that getting him back at this pint is unlikely. Expressing your feelings while drunk texting might not have been the best idea. If you only had three dates, is that really love? You’re expecting an awful lot from a man if you want emotion in your texts so soon. I wish I had better news for you.

  68. 4everalone

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met this guy on a dating app & within a week, we had our 1st date. We hit it off right away & even though he was busy with work, he would text me everyday to check in. We had 2 more dates after that & they were both awesome! He knew I was dating with a purpose & I believe he wanted the same. He always showed me pda & wanted to wait to be intimate so the tension would be greater. The only problem I had was when he would text, it showed no emotion to it. I know now I was being dramatic. One weekend I was out day-drinking with friends & in the middle of texting, I told him how I felt, but didn’t use the right word. I apologized profusely & let him know where I was coming from. He said he understood, but he started to become distant after that. Even so, cancelling our date a few hours before we were supposed to meet. He apologized & said he was exhausted from work, but didn’t try to plan another date. We texted a few days after, but extremely long delays to the point where it’s been 4 days with no reply. Did I completely screw this up? He’s a psychologist so I would assume he could really be able to understand where I was coming from & be able to forgive me. What should I do?? I really miss him.

  69. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Mother, Since you’ve been seeing him for two months, why not just ask if you can talk more between dates. He might not be into texting. Some men do this just to get things started. In the days before texting it was normal a guy wouldn’t talk to you for 3-4 days. Today there seems to be this expectations that you should be in touch all day long – I don’t think this is so realistic. Tell him you are enjoy getting to know him and would like a phone conversation to stay in touch between dates. See how he responds. That’s pretty reasonable. If he doesn’t want to do that, he might not be as serious as you would hope.

  70. Motheroftwo

    Hi! I’ve been dating this guy for almost two months. I’m separated from my husband for along time. We’ve been sitting on the papers but now that I’ve met someone, I am trying to get this moving. About the guy I’m seeing – we met on a dating app but knew each other 10 years ago through friends. So there’s some comfort in already knowing this him. I have two kids and he’s really understanding that I have limited time. We go out 1-2 times per week and more when my kids are with their father. When we first started talking he would text me back quickly and we’d carry on a conversation. Now, we barely text between dates. I let him initiate all of the conversations now but its two messages from him with 45 minute-1 hour gaps in between. He does call to say goodnight every so often. Nothing is consistent. He is good about asking me “What’s your schedule look like next week for date nights?” Should I just leave the texting be and take this guy to be interested but just not into texting? I’m thinking about just ignoring him for a day just to see if he will text me more but I don’t want to play games.

  71. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anonymous, Sorry to tell you he’s not serious about you and will not meet you. One excuse is believable, two is a pattern, three is a clear message that he’s not available or not serious. He’s playing a game here – stringing you along. Drop him and block him. Then move on. It doesn’t matter if the excuses are real or not – he’s not available to date. My rule of thumb is 7 days between the start of talking and meeting. 10 days at the most. If that doesn’t happen, move on.

  72. Anonymous

    I was talking to a guy from a dating app. We exchanged numbers and at first it was a getting to know each other. We had 2 phone conversations & planned to meet up. He told me a week before that he would need to rearrange & gave a valid reason. The second time we were meant to meet, the night before he cancelled on me, again a believable reason and I responded with a nice message. Prior to when were going to meet i initiated most of the conversations. We had a brief conversation over message after but when I asked about when he wanted to arranging a meeting he gave another reason which was believable, I again responded with a nice message and no response. It’s been a week since then and he’s not messaged. All in all we was talking to each other for 4 months, What do I do? I don’t know whether to message him and ask if I have done anything wrong?

  73. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Nelly, So sorry to say there’s nothing you can do. It’s possible he just wanted to sleep with you and so now he’s no longer interested. Happens all the time. You can’t change that. All you can do is walk away with your dignity and not allow things to deteriorate further. Keep your self-respect and stop contacting him. Next time, you might want to think twice about pressuring a man for intimacy. It’s not a turn on. While I understand you have needs and that’s totally normal, there might be better ways to go about satisfying them. You never want to look like you really “need” something from a man early on in dating.

  74. Nelly

    Hi Ronnie, I met this guy on a dating site. We were so close, he would call me every day and I felt in control of everything. I woke up to Good morning messages daily. I frequently missed his calls and he’d complain and say I’m always busy and I never return his calls.So we got over that and a week later we met.The second day of meeting up we were intimate,he didn’t want to sleep with me but I pressured him to because it had been long since I was intimate with someone,but he kept asking me if I was sure.The day before we slept he wanted to take me with him to Margate, that’s where he lives with his helper and daughter. Now he doesn’t initiate calling me anymore but he randomly sends messages almost daily just to check if I’m okay but before the intimacy we would chat for hours,he says he is busy with work but he keeps giving me mixed signals. What should I do?

  75. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Miss M, I’m sad to say this is not a true relationship. Maybe it was once, but when a man stops being consistent, he is not really interested. You are right about that. If you are always mad at him, why do you want him? You told him you quit the relationship so why should he keep texting? You can’t make a man love you. He was just keeping you hanging on with a little texting. And since you were mad and took the fun out of it – he stopped. Why would he continue to text? So part of this is your own confusion. He’s not the man for you. PLEASE look locally for love – someone within your tradition and someone closer by so you can get to know each other face to face. Long distance doesn’t work as you can clearly see.

  76. Miss manggo

    I know my current bf from dating website and it’s been 1 year long distance relationship. First 3 month knowing him, he comes to my country meet me and family and ask from my father to marry me but my father wants to delay it as he wants my bf to follow our tradition so we couldn’t marry yet. Then he travels back to his country. Then calling gradually slows down, he used to call 4x a month, then 2x per month, now none. At first i don’t mind then i start to worry. We always texting each other despite he being so busy everyday. Now I’m always mad at him, I ask why he doesn’t show effort by calling me? I worry he’s lost interest and is there another woman? He says I only calm/emotionally stable for a few days then back to creating problems. I stopped texting, but he keeps sending messages asking me to reply. Now i mad again and say I give up with this relationship. What shocks me is we both stopped texting each other.

  77. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Neurotic, You aren’t neurotic – he was not a gentleman. Sometimes when a man has a break up he reaches out to his ex for comfort. You didn’t go for it at first but once you saw him you fell for the old “hangout” request. Just so you know, “hang out” almost always means “let’s have sex”. What it doesn’t mean is that he wants to get back together. That would be taking you out on dates again which sadly, he did not do. Could be he just wanted to know he still “had it” with you which boosted his male ego. Now that he knows, he feels complete. Here’s the tough part – no response IS a RESPONSE. He doesn’t care enough to even respond. Sorry, I know that feels crummy but that’s the truth of who he is. Let it go and move on. He’s not worth your emotional energy. You might want to read this post about hanging out for any future encounters of this kind.

  78. neurotic

    My ex and I have been on and off for 16 months. We broke up last October, he immediately got into another relationship that lasted 3 months. During that time we did not talk. As soon as they broke up, he began texting me – asking how I was and small talk. He texted happy birthday in the middle of the night. A couple months passed and we ran into each other while out. He asked me to come hang out at his place, so I did. We slept together – it was great. The chemistry and connection was still there and when I left, we seemed to be on a good page. He mentioned me coming over. Now he won’t talk to me at all. I’ve texted him and he is purposely not replying. I’m confused and hurt. We talked about marriage at one point and things were serious. I have not texted him for three days and I don’t plan on texting anymore. Obviously if he wanted to talk to me, he would. I just can’t wrap my head around why he would do this to me. Being told to get lost is better than no response at all.

  79. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kimberly, People make time for what’s important. Even med students with that grueling schedule build relationships while at school right? No matter how busy you are, there’s always time when you make it a priority. So you and your ex decided his priority is school (not sure if you’re in school too). That’s fine but it means HE’S not emotionally available. I’m not sure what you mean by how much is too much texting, but what I can tell you is waiting around for him is not wise because who knows what he’ll do when and if he’s ready. If you are texting back and forth all day – then HE DOES HAVE TIME. Friendship with him will only keep you single if you are still focused on only him. What does that do for you? You are trying to be patient until he is ready? Stop texting him so much (if you hae to ask if it’s too much, it probably is) and move on to find a new man who is available and wants a relationship with you.

  80. Kimberly

    My situation is different because my ex and I thought on initially getting back together but decided not to right now because of everything else happening. He prioritize his school and work plus other things. I agree that people are sometimes just too busy and it is not an excuse because sometimes 24 hours in a day is not enough and to care for someone else? That would mean sacrificing sleep or study time. I get that people have priorities in life. We decided to remain friends but how much is too much when texting?

  81. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Revealed, Resist! He’s totally fine – just not communicating. Don’t check on him. Let it gooooooooo and move on to a man who is more interested in you then this guy. Texting him will not bring you the connection and results you want.

  82. revealed

    Ugh i’m so tempted to text him but i came across at this article.
    its been 4 days and he hasnt texted me. when shall i text him and see if he is okay?

  83. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anne, Dating a separated man isn’t a good idea because they are not usually looking for a relationship. You got that when he announced you aren’t his girlfriend. So what are you then? A friend with benefits which is casual without commitment. You say you don’t need to be in a relationship, yet you want to keep seeing him. That tells me you are not being honest with yourself. You DO want a relationship, but you’ll take what you can get. That means you WILL BE taken for granted because you are not valuing yourself.

    Do not confuse chemistry and attraction for having meaning beyond that. He’s not ready for anything serious and you are feeling attached. Now he’s pulling away and your feelings will be hurt if he disappears. The solution here is to avoid dating separated men. If you want to see a man consistently – that IS a committed relationship.It’s time to get real about what you want and date men who want the same thing. If you let yourself be lead around by attraction only, you will often be heartbroken.You have to choose a man wisely based on wanting the same thing – lasting love.

  84. Anne

    Hi Ronnie, I enjoyed reading your article and your responses and hope you’ll give me a little advice. I met this guy and there was instant attraction. Unfortunately I couldn’t resist and slept with him the 2nd date. He’s currently going though a separation. I’ve been hanging out with him and his friends and one time his friends were having a boys night out and he said I could join because “I’m not his girlfriend.” That upset me altho we have never established anything serious. He knew I was upset and since then things have been weird. We met was 4 days ago where I joined him and his friends for birthday drinks and since then no text from him. I haven’t texted him either. What does this mean and what should I do? I am really attracted to him and I do not need to be in a serious relationship, but I wanna continue hanging with him and his friends. At the same time not to be taken for granted or be a door mat. Thanks so much!

  85. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey CC – Sorry to say but texting means NOTHING. He’s not too busy to see you. He DOESN’T WANT to see you or he’d make time. Why text a man you’ve only dated twice in 3 months? Time for dignity and self-respect. Stop being nice and patient and hoping he’ll become the man you want because he has already shown you he’s not. Kick this guy to the curb, stop texting and BLOCK him. You may say, “But Ronnie, that’s not nice.” Well, is it nice to lead you on that he’ll one day see you again? Nope. Stop letting him take advantage of you. Read this post on why men text even if not seriously interested will help explain further.

  86. CC

    Hello Ronnie,
    I met this guy on dating app. We have been exchanges 5 to 8 long texts everyday for close to 3 months (includes good morning and goodnight texts). But I only met him for 2 times. He seems to put in no effort in arranging another meet up, but why is he still texting me everyday? I’m not sure if he’s really that busy; as he still able to set aside time out to bring his elder parents to go out. But why no time to meet me? I really don’t know what is he thinking or is he still interested or not. What should I do?

  87. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Naomi, When a man leaves you hanging, goes quiet or disappears, he doesn’t not feel the same as you. I know this may seem harsh but it’s unfortunate that you let yourself fall for a man you have never met because you know almost nothing about him – only what he chooses to share. He could be married. If you feel he tries to manipulate you to admit your feelings, how is that a sign of caring? Sounds cowardly to me. His intentions are not good – he’s just looking to boost his ego. I hope you will see the truth of this and am so glad you have stopped texting. Take the next step and block him to shed him from your life. Then look for love locally – this man will do nothing but break your heart if you let him.

  88. Naomi

    Hi Ronnie, I’ve been texting this guy for 3 months. We live in different countries and there’s time difference, but in spite of that it looked like he did compromise to get in touch with me you know. At times he made me feel like he was really interested and other times he would make me feel like he’s trying to get me to admit I like him, but won’t say much himself. He compliments my looks and even told me he enjoyed talking to me, I am confused, if he likes me, why can’t he show it? Our conversations are so fun and yet he disappears at times. I recently stopped texting him because I want to see if he makes the effort to initiate one on his own, without my help. The problem is that, I like him and I’m emotionally invested in him, enduring the time apart when we don’t communicate is really making it hard for me. I wonder if he feels the same?

  89. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Louise, So as I understand it, your twin flame has body issues, won’t snuggle, complains, and then disappears after sex? You may have a lovely connection but what percentage of the time is that? This man has issues, is inconsistent and clearly not relationship material. He might be a good person, but anyone who brings a robe and puts the hood up is NOT comfortable with himself. You didn’t explain how the relationship went between the two times you slept together over 5 months and that makes me curious. Are you the one who’s been keeping this thing going? My advice is to get real with yourself about this man’s potential (very limited) and go meet new men to find one who is relationship ready. This guy has already proved he is an uphill battle. PS – Too much light in your apartment? Is he a vampire? LOL

  90. Louise Evans

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met someone through mutual friends. I’ve slept with him twice (5 months apart). The last time was on Wed night and we woke up together on Valentine’s Day. I made dinner and then breakfast the next morning. I feel such a lovely connection with him with so much in common. Almost a twin flame. However when it was time to sleep, he wore a fleecy robe to bed with the hood up! (He brought it with him. We didn’t cuddle. He also wanted to blow out candles before sex. I assume he has body insecurities. The next morning he was distant and not much eye contact (he said my apartment was too bright). We chatted about a movie we watched and he was talkative then but not much more convo. It’s worth noting he complained that I don’t listen to him. And it’s now Monday and we haven’t texted each other at all. I think he may be insecure and waiting for me. What do you think? I’m feel like reaching out to him on Thursday if I don’t hear from him.

  91. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Meagan, Sometimes guys just want to have sex – and so do women. So you slept with him – nothing wrong with that. The only problem is it seems like you might have expectations now. If you always initiate and he doesn’t reply – that means he’s no longer interested. And sorry to say there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about that. You can’t MAKE a man like you. Either he does or he doesn’t. And this doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you but maybe he just doesn’t want a relationship with you. So your next step is to STOP communicating him with and move on with grace and dignity. Look for a new man to date and let him pursue you and initiate. Hold back from taking over so you can find out if the guy is interested or not – it’s the only way to know for sure.

  92. Meagan

    I met this guy I work with – he asked me did I have a Facebook account. I said yes so we started talking. Jan 20 I had sex with him – I wanted to so I can’t blame anybody but myself. We text a lot after that but when I show him that I like him, he pulls back and doesn’t text me as much. I’m the one always texting first sometimes he read my message but doesn’t reply, saying he’s got a lot on his plate. What should I do?

  93. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Shelia, Since he has admitted seeing another woman, you already made a wise choice by saying no to coffee and stopping your texting. I’m not sure he’s even stringing you along but he may want to continue his friendship with you. However, you get to say no and I encourage you to cut him off completely. He’s not coming back as your romantic partner, so why leave the door open for that? Time to let go and move on. He has shown you his true intentions so why waste your time on him? Look for a new man who wants a relationship with you.

  94. Sheila

    Hi Ronnie.
    Became platonic friends with a guy from work last year. We texted a lot & talked on phone. 6 mos ago he asked me to hang out after work in evenings. We enjoyed activities and then things got physical, we became close. I really like him and he said same to me. Then we saw each other less often and he started making excuses – busy or tired. I heard from him less. One confided that he was hanging out with another co- worker. I am shocked and was hurt he would say this to my face! Just keep it to yourself idiot!

    All he wants now is to be my text buddy with coffee meetups during work hours. I said no. I no longer feel important. Has he lost interest and just stringing me along. After his last text about cold weather, I didn’t respond – first time I never wrote back. I am fed up! Any wise advice?

  95. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jenni, I know it probably seems scary, but if you want to know his intentions, do NOT contact to ask about the week. If he contacts you, then you know you are on his mind. If he doesn’t, then you know it’s time to move on. This is the best possible strategy if you don’t want to waste time on men who don’t like you enough, don’t pursue you and/or don’t really care one way or another. If you contact him, what will you learn? Not one thing. Even if he wants to get together, you had to prompt him. Not good. Hang back and let the chips fall – that’s what to do if you want to find lasting love. A man worth his salt will NEVER leave you hanging. A man who sees your value doesn’t leave thing a woman wondering or waiting.

  96. Jenni

    I am afraid this is happening to me. We have been talking for about a month and have been out several times but within the last few days the texting has slowed. I do not know if it is something I did or said or if things got busy with work or what. We discussed when we would get together next but he needed his work schedule which comes in on Sundays. I had said to let me know what day works for him. Now, I do not plan on texting him today but was going to contact him tomorrow to see what his schedule is like for the week. I do not know whether I should or not.

  97. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Veronica, Sorry to hear this has broken your heart. But here’s something to keep in mind – this is what I call a virtual relationship. It’s fun but it’s not real. They often go just like this fast and furious to disappearance. It’s a thrill for a while but then you want more and the guy never had any true intentions for any else. Read these posts on long distance relationships and it will open your eyes to never wasting your emotions on a man like this again. When you recover and you will, look for love locally.

  98. Veronica

    I wish I read this article a month ago. I met a guy online and we hit it off. Since we are in different countries we would hang out via skype and whatsapp. The first 4 weeks he was consistent with the texts and calls. He texts me all through the day and late at night and he would call me in the morning and at night. Then all of a sudden his calls and texts made a dramatic drop. He would schedule hang outs and won’t keep his word. I had enough of it so I just stopped replying to his texts. I really like him and it really hurts to think about it. He hasnt texted me at all.

  99. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Adriana,

    Yes, sorry to say he is no longer interested. He started making excuses and now he has disappeared. Don’t bother contacting a man who doesn’t respond. More contact will not change his mind. I guess he wasn’t the right man for you but there are more. In the future, you might want to wait before becoming intimate so that you don’t get heart broken if it turns out the guy just wants to sleep with you and run. Take your time – there’s no hurry when it comes to true love.

  100. Adriana

    Hi, I’m met this guy a dating site, I can’t control myself and we got intimate very quickly, after 5 times seen each other he got busy with family emergencies, then work and fatigue. He slowly stop texting me, calling and even make efforts to see me. We just 1 hours away from each other. I ask him if everything was okay he said yes. But I noticed his distance. I stop texting him during Christmas Eve. Now he hasn’t contact me in one week to see if I’m okay. Should I let him go or contact him.

  101. Cassy

    Thank you Ronnie,
    I’ts been 3 weeks and he hasn’t contact me at all . It’s hard to accept this for me right now , but I’ll get over eventually..


  102. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Ashley – are you sure he’s a guy? Men don’t build attraction – either they are or they aren’t so this guy has a sexual or intimacy problem. On top of that now he’s not texting, talking and you have to initiate every conversation? STOP! What do you need this for? Its a one-way relationship and you are the one keeping it going because he’s doing NOTHING. If it’s driving you crazy – STOP! I encourage you to build some self-esteem so you learn not to put up with this kind of treatment. He’s not the man for you – this is too strange. Bail and find someone new to date. He’s not being honest or real with you at all.

  103. Ashley

    Met a guy on a dating site and hit it off. He said he doesn’t get sexual for months with women – he connects first emotionally. So rare it made me more attracted. We hung out several times a week. Dinner dates and movies to cooking for each other. We snuggled and held hands and he raves to his friends about me. After 2 weeks we finally kissed. After several more dates without kissing I asked why he doesn’t kiss goodbye. He said can’t u just be patient? I’m not physically attracted to you yet. I asked then why are you holding me every night? He said I admire u, and u fuel me…so I felt used for my energy and kicked him to the curb. Later I rethink this and ask to talk. He starts talking about future outings, so I don’t want to rush the sex. I still see him but no hand holding, snuggles, good morning texts or good night calls. I don’t know if we’re just pals or taking it way slow. It’s driving me crazy. I’m always sending the first text to start our convos.

  104. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Paige – when a man tells you to stop and that he’s not free to go out, do NOT try anything further. I’m sorry to tell you this but he’s not interested. Sounds like you over did it and turned him off. Save your dignity and leave him alone. It’s time to move on and look for a new guy. But this time, do not chase him by texting, snapchatting, or calling him all the time. Let a man come to you – that’s the only way you can tell if he’s serious and likes you. Read this post for a better understanding of what works.

  105. Paige

    Hi it’s nice to meet you should I try it again he told me stop blowing up on my phone he said I’m working all week I’m not free to go out but I saw on my Snapchat location he was in my area last night but he hide a picture from me on Snapchat what should I do? Should I ingore him for a week or wait till after Christmas or should I try it again on bumble ??

  106. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Sb – let me clear this up for you. He’s no longer interested and you are not his priority. “Hello beautiful” is not enough to maintain a relationship. Since you are in school this is a great chance to learn this early! When a man has no time for you – yes, he’s busy, but that’s a sign he’s NOT into you enough to spend time with you. Let him go, stop answering texts and become scarce. Then see who else is out there. A local guy will be much easier to date especially when still in school.

  107. Sb

    This is a difficult situation for me. At one point the guy and I talked everyday for months. His basketball season just started and he seems a lot more distant. I understand he has practice, homework and games but we used to FaceTime while he did his homework too….. we don’t even do that anymore. He says he wants to see, and he misses me but the plans never go through. I’m only an hour away from him. But I don’t know if he’s interested or not. He text’s me every single morning “good morning beautiful” but we will exchange message 3-5 times though out the day. Idk what I should do. I don’t know if he’s interested or not.

  108. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Renea, It seems like your boyfriend is pulling away and cancelling Thanksgiving dinner last minute is ridiculous. Did he give you a good reason? I hate to tell you sounds like he’s lost interest but is sort of stringing you along, not sure if he wants to break up or hoping you’ll do it. This is certainly not the behavior of a man in love who respects and values you. I would stop texting all together and ghost on him. See what he does. If he asks what is going on then you can cask him the same. If he disappears then you know it’s over. I realize this is scary, but you might as well know, so you can move on. Don’t bother asking him directly – he’s not likely to give you a straight answer. Let him come to you and if he asks- that’s an opportunity to have a conversation.

  109. Renea

    Hi Ronnie! I’ve been dating this guy for a year. We live 2 hours apart, so we see each other 2 weekends a month. As an only child, he’s a little selfish. For example, I took him to a football game -exactly what he wanted. For my birthday came, I asked for two inexpensive items. He waited until the last minute to order my things and said they’d be in later that week. He took me to dinner, and it was never mentioned again. This Thanksgiving would’ve been our first. He said he was coming, then cancelled last minute on Thursday. After that call, he texted, “What are you doing?” I didn’t reply for a few days and since then, his texts are simple like “How was work?” etc. Should I not respond to him today? He didn’t start out this way, and now I’m confused to say the least!

  110. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Cassy, Now let’s think about this logically. If you have stopped contacting this man for a week (which was great by the way!) and then he didn’t contact you, what does that mean? It sure doesn’t mean he’s in love or even in like. His lack of interest shows you he’s NOT INTERESTED. He doesn’t want to be mean, but he wants you to go away on your own so he won’t feel bad. Most men avoid confrontation, don’t answer direct questions like you asked (“Should we stop talking?”) and simply stop initiating and eventually stop responding. Be SMARTER THAN THAT. Let him go now. Then, get online or the apps and meet new men. If you want to date find love, he’s not the one!

  111. Cassy

    I’ve met this guy last December who lives out of the country , he was visting my cousin and stayed at my family’s house .. We talked and we both had good connection, we’ve been talking since then and have traveled to other countries twice together . Lately he seems distance and I asked him what was wrong , he said he’ll tell after , but never did . I’ve asked him if he’d like for us to stop talking and he said no .. I have stopped talking to him twice for a week or so , but he won’t contact me . He replies to all my messages, but only text lately. I don’t know how to take all this , he’s over 40 and acting immature , I’m on my 30’s ., Please advise ?

  112. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Mistey, It means he’s curious why you stopped. But not curious enough to ask YOU why You stopped. Not curious enough to find out or speak to you directly. So he’s only a little curious. You are probably right – he doesn’t want a deeper relationship with you. Why bother with him? You already stopped texting, so now stop thinking about him and find a new man who wants a relationship if that’s what you really want.

  113. Mistey

    There is a guy I like at work.. Obviously we have history but somehow I know he just wants me for one thing.Ii decided to stop texting and just say hi without flirt at work for few week till he asked my friend why I stopped texting him. What does it mean ?

  114. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Candy, What happened when you took my advice is that he showed up for more texting, but nothing else. If you want a texting buddy, he qualifies. But if you want a man to date, he has demonstrated that he’s not interested. I recommend blocking him so you don’t get tempted and go find more men to date. There are plenty of men out there. Yes, you may have some bad dates, but so what? That’s part of dating. Once you manage your expectations, you can meet men and not be so bothered by guys who aren’t right. You have to stay in the game to win at love!

  115. Candy

    I met a man online. We texted for awhile, then had two great dates, (which I kind of help set up admittedly), then he cancelled the third date the day of which was lame and I let him know it. I instinctively cooled it on the texting and he went text crazy “Helllooo” “are you there?” Stuff like that. After a few bad dates with other guys I fell back in texting with him again. Now he texts things like “I would love to go hiking with you” but never makes the plans. Also, I can see he is still very active on the dating site. So I took your advice and stopped texting back, and he is now sending lots of “Hey old friend….?” “You OK?” How to handle this? Do I still totally ignore? Or do I say something like, “I’m good, headed out”?

  116. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Tallgirl, Nope, you did nothing wrong. Some guys are in the moment. So, in that moment he wanted you to join them, but you couldn’t. You handled it very well, asking for a rain check and saying you wanted to hear about it, and calling him handsome. There’s no way he could have thought you weren’t interested. The fact that he hasn’t been in touch just shows you that dating might not be his priority – or, forgive me, dating you. This happens a lot when there is interest in the moment but the moment passes and the man moves on. Try not to take it too hard. There will be others and every flirtation doesn’t turn into a relationship.

  117. Tallgirl

    I went to a party on Friday night and met a friend of a friend who was hosting. He seemed into me, we talked a lot during the party and we had a nice kiss when he helped me get my coat. During the evening, he made jokes about if we would be a good couple and asked about my dating. He walked me and my friend out of the party.

    The next day, he texted me. He still had some of the guests staying with him. We joked back and forth and he suggested in a joke that I join them that evening. I said I had dinner plans but said I would love a rain check and to hear about what happened. He said it was a deal (I did not respond then) and then an hour later said my dinner plans better be good and I said they were and that I was arriving and that I would catch him on the flip side handsome! He said yes and to enjoy!

    That was on Sunday and it now Tuesday morning and nothing. Did I do something wrong?

  118. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maddy – Good for you! I’m always so happy when a woman smartens up like this. He was all about himself and then, let’s give him credit, he was honest with you about the distance. Glad you stopped communicating and feel relief. There’s another and better man out there and now you are free to find him.

  119. Maddy

    I met this guy on a dating app, we went on a date, we hit it off. He is divorced. I am going through divorce. We texted for two weeks straight, then I noticed I would get calls only and texts only at night. I raised this concern with him. He reassured me that I was not an “option” he was just busy. I also noticed each time he called there was drama either with his ex wife or his work, but never time to call on me to have a conversation about us. He told me last week he is unsure about being in a relationship because we live one hour apart and that he is scared of my ex. I stopped texting him it has been two days now he hasn’t called or texted. I feel a sense of relief. I am done chasing and hoping. I realize I can’t force it

  120. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sn, I don’t see any reason to check in. He knows how to reach you so the fact that he’s not asking you out lets you know how he feels about you. Why try to keep this going when he’s the kind of guy who is willing to only see you once a month? I’m sorry to say he’s not that interested. Let it go and move on. There are more men out there so free yourself to find one who wants a relationship with you.

  121. sn

    I met someone online three months ago and we have only met thrice. He would text, but not make consistent plans to meet. I mentioned that we should meet some time and he deviated from the topic and asked me some generic question. So I blandly responded and haven’t texted him since then. Should I text him to check in and see if he still may want to meet?

  122. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Syl, You may really like him, but this avoiding you by texting IS part of him. If he wanted to see you he’d make time bu he’s NOT. More time will not change this. Since other men are asking you out – go! You don’t want to be tied down or in a relationship anyway. I don’t understand why you would limit yourself -you said you did’t want a relationship, so no need to act like you are in one.

  123. Syl

    Hi Ronnie,
    I’ve met this guy on a dating app. I came out of a 10 year relationship and needed to get laid. Turns out we both wanted to sleep with each other, but somehow he started talking to me about things and said: I hope I’m not just a rebound because I’m starting to like you. The date was suuuuuper and I said, “I don’t want to get too involved, this is just sex”. He insisted he’d make me fall in love with him and wanted to see me again. When he set the 2nd date he started making excuses about his time. I said if this wasn’t right moment I get it, I just don’t play games. Now, he texts me his life updates – wtf? It’s only been 1 week. Should I wait longer to ask him again to be upfront or should I just ignore him? (still have other guys asking me out so it’s not like I’m not gonna meet them). I really like him but I don’t like this type of thing. Also, I don’t want to miss something good.

  124. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maria, I won’t say your insane, but you can’t have expectations from a man who just wants sex. More consistency sounds like a relationship if you ask me. It’s easy to understand why you obsess – what you can’t have is always more enticing. That’s human nature. Super hot chemistry is not indicative of a potential relationship – just the human biological urge to multiply. I hope you do block him so you don’t risk being found out – what if your man found out? Why not focus on improving your sex life with him? Something to think about…

  125. Maria

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met this guy online. We met twice and things got intense pretty fast, no sex but we messed around and then I moved away. We’ve been sexting for 5 months now. The problem is that I’m in a committed relationship and I cannot seem to stop obsessing about him. I have to visit his town soon and he knows it. He always disappears for 2-3 weeks and then comes back and it drives me insane. I never complain about it to him and I am not texting constantly or initiating when he ghosts, but I’m confused if I should just stop texting and responding forever. I don’t know what I want from him since I’m not planning to leave the person I’m with. I can’t expect him to treat me like a gf, but am I insane to expect him to show a more consistency? I’m inclined to never meet him again, but I really like him physically and it’s hard to decide to block and never text him again

  126. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Danyellow, Perhaps you are a romantic (vs. a fool) but that way of thinking won’t help you find lasting love with a good man. Why have hope for a man sending mixed messages and in this case no messages at all? Men don’t say things like “goodbye, have a nice life”. Not even in the movies. Why are you expecting that? If you want lasting love, it’s YOUR JOB to be discerning and pick a man who is worthy. Is it possible you prefer the dream of love vs. the real thing?

  127. Danyellow

    Hi Ronnie,
    I appreciate your responses and honesty and could use your words of wisdom! I reconnected with a guy that ghosted me a year ago. We started communicating again and saw each other once. He consistently sent mixed messages such as “I can’t wait to see you “ then not reply to my text for days. Out of no where he stopped responding to me. I’ve left several messages to no avail. I am so hurt he doesn’t have the decency to say “goodbye — have a nice life.” I know he isn’t worth my time, but I can’t stop thinking of him.It’s been three weeks. I’m not willing to give up yet. I make up all kinds of excuses as to why he hasn’t replied. I want to believe he is stressed and will soon come around. How big of an fool am I?

  128. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, There are 3 big clues here: 1) You have to initiate 2) He wants to date and have fun and if something happens fine (red flag about just going along for the ride and not wanting more) 3) Complaining about going too fast.(doesn’t want a relationship or to see you as often). All three show you he’s not ready for a relationship. I’m sure he enjoys time with you, but his sense of timing is not the same as yours – which is why YOU initiate. Stop texting and asking him out to see what HE does. Then you’ll know if he’s serious or not. This guy is happy to go along, but will not lead because he isn’t ready. If it takes longer than a week for him to ask to see you (not text – that’s not enough effort) then you’ll know he’s not into you or the man you want.

  129. Sarah

    Hi Ronnie, Thanks for your tips! I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 months, went on 7 dates but after the 1st, I initiated or strongly hinted for all of them. He texts daily, never asks me out, but talks about plans. When I suggest meeting, he’s available and will find an alternate day if not. The dates are 4 to 8 hours and we had a great time. He only kissed me on the 6th date, but nothing more. He’s 38yo, I’m 35. I asked what he wanted – he’s out of a 10y marriage and wants to date, have fun and if something great happens embrace it. He said he liked me, but doesn’t see why we have to go so quick. I stopped initiating texts as I’m on vacation and he hasn’t texted at all in 4 days, the longest pause in our exchanges. I know I should enjoy my vacation, but I’m struggling not to text. Is he not that interested? What should be my strategy here? Thank you for any advice!

  130. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Danielle, First of all, I”m not a fan of long distance dating – for this exact reason. You’ve been communicating for a while but have never met and this is never good. You’ll find this post on long distance relationships helpful. Why does he blame you? That’s called “gaslighting” when someone turns things around and makes it your fault. My guess is he’s a narcissist – it’s all about him right? He doesn’t even ask about you. So my dating advice for you is to 1) look locally for love so you can actually GO ON DATES, 2) Raise your standards: when a man ghosts, once is plenty. Don’t accept this rude behavior over and over, and 3) When a man blames you for something he did RUN. You can’t argue with crazy, never mind maintain a healthy, loving relationship.

  131. Danielle

    Hi Ronnie, thank you for writing this article. I met this guy online – he lives four hundred miles from me. At first he came on strong, texted every day and called almost every morning. The ghosted for a week and has done this 3 times. When he came back he made it seem like I was the one who went off the radar. Why does he keep coming back? He hardly ask me anything about myself. He’s closed off at the same time which is confusing because he was talking about communication. I suggested meeting and he said he liked the idea, but nothing came of it. When he found out I was on vacation and asked why I didn’t tell him – we could have meet. I replied I did and you said you liked the idea. He turned it around and blamed me again. Why is he acting like this? If he contacts me again should I let it be and not respond? Thank you!

  132. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Chanel, Glad you like the blog post – thank you! So I’m surprised you’re confused. He wanted to meet you – the two of you couldn’t coordinate it, now he’s lost interest. That shows in his communication which has dwindled to one daily text. Time to move on because this kind of thing won’t turn around. Don’t respond and if suddenly he wants to meet he’ll let you know. But, don’t hold out hope. Your best bet is to look for a new guy and not from social media. Does that ever work? I’m sure not aware of it. Try Match or Bumble- more likely to get what you want there.

  133. Chanel

    Hi Ronnie, love the article by the way. This guy and I from social media have been talking for a little over two months. We have never met before. We started talking via instant messaging, then it lead to texting. I initiated the first phone call which we talked for like 5 hours to almost twice a week, along with consistent texting. He mentioned that he would like to meet me and/or take me out, but I was super busy that weekend and we couldn’t figure out a good time to work around each other schedules (he never asked again). Surely but slowly our phone conversations were dead silent and the texting begin to slow down. I mirrored his movements. I texted when he texted. Now he’ll text me in the morning, I’ll respond — nothing from him, then repeat. I’m confused!

  134. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey John,

    I can’t think of a polite way to ask her to stop. But you can take a passive approach and simple STOP RESPONDING. You are under absolutely no obligation to answer her and she was not invited to text you several times daily. Then next time you see her, if she says anything about it, just say, “Hmm, sorry I must have missed that one.” Not answering IS an answer. Otherwise, if you feel you must say something you could text her back, “Sorry I’m not big on texting so forgive me if I don’t answer.” But I don’t think that will work!

  135. John

    Ronnie – guy here. A woman at my church has started texting me for unknown reasons. We are both in the singles group but have never gone out and aren’t really friends. I don’t presume she’s interested in me, and I’m not interested in anything more than being friends. But I swear she thinks of reasons to text me several times a day. Silly things like “when is the next singles activity” when we all have access to a calendar. I’ve finally asked her not to text me while I’m working because I’m usually quite busy. She apologizes, then keeps right on doing it. How can I politely get her to stop texting me, and why is she doing this?

  136. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Elaine – if he doesn’t contact you in a week, forget him – he’s not really interested. If you wait a month – there’s no point in contacting him again – he will have proven he doesn’t care in just one week or less. When a man cares for you, he doesn’t let a week go by without being in touch.

  137. Elaine Loi

    Hi Ronnie,
    Good Day!
    May i know how long time frame shall i give to him, after stop texting him?
    One month? 2 months ? and so on ….

    Thanks to advise

  138. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Becky, I’s a little hard for me to understand the situation but it sounds to me like – yes he’s still hung up on his ex and not ready. And yes, stop initiating and texting first. Leave him be and see if he reconnects with you. My bet is if you are the one who always asks him out, he’s not serious abut you. You might be OK to hang out with but when a man does nothing to see you of his own doing this is not a good sign.

  139. Becky

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met a guy online, I moved from another state for study and we met since 2 months ago. We had first meet in a restaurant and it was very soon we met for the 2nd time. We had been meeting for 5 proper dinner date and sometime will bumped into each other in the pool. He does not text much, I was the one always texted first, he will only text if wanna ask for date. He knew that I am after a serious and long term relationship. He did not stop texting but just very few. He called once while I was sick and always offer to help for house stuff. He was with ex for 13 years, broke up last year Feb but he gave money to the ex by buying her bike with more than 3 times of the market price for the house deposit, seems like he is not over with the ex yet. I am really confused with his actions. I hold myself back from texting him too much, I made it 2-3 days once, shall I just stop texting completely?

  140. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Nicole, I’m sure you realize that sometimes men say things they don’t mean. Perhaps professing his love during love making is part of the fantasy. Unfortunately that IS confusing and so you got sucked in and believed him. Maybe he pulled away because he knows that was leading you on. Or maybe he is depressed. But either way he is no longer interested. Perhaps this kind of arrangement “FWB” isn’t right for you because clearly you want a complete relationship. My advice is not to take what you can get from a man but, look for a man who wants a real relationship with you. And hold off on sleeping with men until you get consistency in dating (at least weekly dates and calls in between) or exclusivity so you don’t get attached before knowing he’s actually interested in YOU and not the sex.

  141. Nicole

    Hello Ronnie I had met a guy offline at the end of May. We had made an agreement to be FWB . But, I noticed that during sex he would tell me that he loved me. And he also asked me if I loved him and like a dummy I responded “Yes”. At first he would text me and now nothing from him. It’s been this way since his bday that way 3 weeks ago. Yet, me being curious I messaged him “hey” and his response was “hey I miss you, you been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve just been depressed and in a bad spot right now.” And his last words were “I will hit you up I promise I miss you too.” And that was three days ago…I’m so in denial plus confused…

  142. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amy, I know this might not be what you want to hear but he can’t be that interested if he doesn’t respond. I would STOP communicating with him completely. If he reaches out to you and you want to text again, ask yourself why. He has already shown you that you are not his priority. You want to be with a man who REALLY wants to be with you and appreciates you. This guy does not.

  143. Amy

    Hi Ronnie
    My guy friend and I texted all the time. Then he just stopped. I asked him if he wanted to not text at all, he responded with no not at all. He doesn’t reply very often to my texts and if so very brief. The texts are just normal day to day things. He is not busy with work or having unusual stress.

    Your thoughts

  144. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Yeah Maria! Good for you! If you stop and he contacts you – that’s a good sign. But if it takes weeks before he notices you have stopped, then he’s not serious.

  145. maria maria

    i think if a guy likes you, he knows what to do, currently i was meeting this guy who kept saying hello to me and passing by my house in the neighborhood, we walked together a few times and he asked me if i was on facebook, i told him we could friend each other and he said why don’t you you just take my number and he gave it to me and we started texting, but soon after he stopped and now i am always the one initiating it
    i am going to stop initiating and see what he does, he has my number and he should be the one to text, in other words it is his turn to start up, I am done.

  146. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amy, Pleae know I say this with compassion…The idea of playing hard to get is to not be too available – rather than be UNAVAILABLE. So, not sure how you can recover from this once a man is turned off. If you’ve known him for a long time why didn’t you meet? With online dating, I suggest texting no more than 7 days without meeting. If you’ve known him for a long time and he’s local, what’s the story? Do you fear meeting men from the web? Are you young and in high school? Maybe you’re picking up that he only wants sex – that would explain a lot. There is some block here that you probably want to explore so if you do want love, you can be open to meet a man who seems like a good good guy. Otherwise, why bother connecting at all? It’s just fantasy if you don’t meet.

  147. Amy

    Hi Ronnie, i have a little problem i recently met a guy who ive known for a long time, he made all the right advances also sexually inclined but nothing harmful i promise, also to the point of wanting us to finally meet, i however declined saying it was too early too see and we should get to know each other and take things slow. well i was playing hard to get and he got it.
    Now he doesn’t call like he use too or text like he uses too and now i like him a lot, he did say that i killed his vibes by being putting all his advances down ,what can i do

  148. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Carolyn, Nothing wrong with being an extrovert. I just don’t recommend initating with men until further along when it looks like something is happening.

  149. Carolyn Mayer

    I’m in this situation right now but I’m no way NEEDY of him. I like to socialize and have become more of an extrovert over time then being more introverted like I was.

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