Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting him and see what happensIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting. The texting is fun! Sometimes its fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees. Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. The texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t the find he time to see you?

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went. Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and your feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you. So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

Does he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult? I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not it’s OK I just want to know.” That should be easy for him o respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.” Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing. You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are. A man who is interested, but not setting up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you. You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Know How Dating Works

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option. They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing there is one leader and one follower. As the woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

The same thing is true at the start of dating. Follow a man’s lead. If he texts, text him back. If he doesn’t text YOU DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER. This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following”. You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40. It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE. But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you. They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him. Before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
T
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose is men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right? This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking’ to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one. The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.

Then you’ll observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential. If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting

 

26 responses on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

  1. Carolyn Mayer

    I’m in this situation right now but I’m no way NEEDY of him. I like to socialize and have become more of an extrovert over time then being more introverted like I was.

  2. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Carolyn, Nothing wrong with being an extrovert. I just don’t recommend initating with men until further along when it looks like something is happening.

  3. Amy

    Hi Ronnie, i have a little problem i recently met a guy who ive known for a long time, he made all the right advances also sexually inclined but nothing harmful i promise, also to the point of wanting us to finally meet, i however declined saying it was too early too see and we should get to know each other and take things slow. well i was playing hard to get and he got it.
    Now he doesn’t call like he use too or text like he uses too and now i like him a lot, he did say that i killed his vibes by being putting all his advances down ,what can i do

  4. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amy, Pleae know I say this with compassion…The idea of playing hard to get is to not be too available – rather than be UNAVAILABLE. So, not sure how you can recover from this once a man is turned off. If you’ve known him for a long time why didn’t you meet? With online dating, I suggest texting no more than 7 days without meeting. If you’ve known him for a long time and he’s local, what’s the story? Do you fear meeting men from the web? Are you young and in high school? Maybe you’re picking up that he only wants sex – that would explain a lot. There is some block here that you probably want to explore so if you do want love, you can be open to meet a man who seems like a good good guy. Otherwise, why bother connecting at all? It’s just fantasy if you don’t meet.

  5. maria maria

    i think if a guy likes you, he knows what to do, currently i was meeting this guy who kept saying hello to me and passing by my house in the neighborhood, we walked together a few times and he asked me if i was on facebook, i told him we could friend each other and he said why don’t you you just take my number and he gave it to me and we started texting, but soon after he stopped and now i am always the one initiating it
    i am going to stop initiating and see what he does, he has my number and he should be the one to text, in other words it is his turn to start up, I am done.

  6. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Yeah Maria! Good for you! If you stop and he contacts you – that’s a good sign. But if it takes weeks before he notices you have stopped, then he’s not serious.

  7. Amy

    Hi Ronnie
    My guy friend and I texted all the time. Then he just stopped. I asked him if he wanted to not text at all, he responded with no not at all. He doesn’t reply very often to my texts and if so very brief. The texts are just normal day to day things. He is not busy with work or having unusual stress.

    Your thoughts
    Amy

  8. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Amy, I know this might not be what you want to hear but he can’t be that interested if he doesn’t respond. I would STOP communicating with him completely. If he reaches out to you and you want to text again, ask yourself why. He has already shown you that you are not his priority. You want to be with a man who REALLY wants to be with you and appreciates you. This guy does not.

  9. Nicole

    Hello Ronnie I had met a guy offline at the end of May. We had made an agreement to be FWB . But, I noticed that during sex he would tell me that he loved me. And he also asked me if I loved him and like a dummy I responded “Yes”. At first he would text me and now nothing from him. It’s been this way since his bday that way 3 weeks ago. Yet, me being curious I messaged him “hey” and his response was “hey I miss you, you been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve just been depressed and in a bad spot right now.” And his last words were “I will hit you up I promise I miss you too.” And that was three days ago…I’m so in denial plus confused…

  10. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Nicole, I’m sure you realize that sometimes men say things they don’t mean. Perhaps professing his love during love making is part of the fantasy. Unfortunately that IS confusing and so you got sucked in and believed him. Maybe he pulled away because he knows that was leading you on. Or maybe he is depressed. But either way he is no longer interested. Perhaps this kind of arrangement “FWB” isn’t right for you because clearly you want a complete relationship. My advice is not to take what you can get from a man but, look for a man who wants a real relationship with you. And hold off on sleeping with men until you get consistency in dating (at least weekly dates and calls in between) or exclusivity so you don’t get attached before knowing he’s actually interested in YOU and not the sex.

  11. Becky

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met a guy online, I moved from another state for study and we met since 2 months ago. We had first meet in a restaurant and it was very soon we met for the 2nd time. We had been meeting for 5 proper dinner date and sometime will bumped into each other in the pool. He does not text much, I was the one always texted first, he will only text if wanna ask for date. He knew that I am after a serious and long term relationship. He did not stop texting but just very few. He called once while I was sick and always offer to help for house stuff. He was with ex for 13 years, broke up last year Feb but he gave money to the ex by buying her bike with more than 3 times of the market price for the house deposit, seems like he is not over with the ex yet. I am really confused with his actions. I hold myself back from texting him too much, I made it 2-3 days once, shall I just stop texting completely?

  12. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Becky, I’s a little hard for me to understand the situation but it sounds to me like – yes he’s still hung up on his ex and not ready. And yes, stop initiating and texting first. Leave him be and see if he reconnects with you. My bet is if you are the one who always asks him out, he’s not serious abut you. You might be OK to hang out with but when a man does nothing to see you of his own doing this is not a good sign.

  13. Elaine Loi

    Hi Ronnie,
    Good Day!
    May i know how long time frame shall i give to him, after stop texting him?
    One month? 2 months ? and so on ….

    Thanks to advise

  14. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Elaine – if he doesn’t contact you in a week, forget him – he’s not really interested. If you wait a month – there’s no point in contacting him again – he will have proven he doesn’t care in just one week or less. When a man cares for you, he doesn’t let a week go by without being in touch.

  15. John

    Ronnie – guy here. A woman at my church has started texting me for unknown reasons. We are both in the singles group but have never gone out and aren’t really friends. I don’t presume she’s interested in me, and I’m not interested in anything more than being friends. But I swear she thinks of reasons to text me several times a day. Silly things like “when is the next singles activity” when we all have access to a calendar. I’ve finally asked her not to text me while I’m working because I’m usually quite busy. She apologizes, then keeps right on doing it. How can I politely get her to stop texting me, and why is she doing this?

  16. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey John,

    I can’t think of a polite way to ask her to stop. But you can take a passive approach and simple STOP RESPONDING. You are under absolutely no obligation to answer her and she was not invited to text you several times daily. Then next time you see her, if she says anything about it, just say, “Hmm, sorry I must have missed that one.” Not answering IS an answer. Otherwise, if you feel you must say something you could text her back, “Sorry I’m not big on texting so forgive me if I don’t answer.” But I don’t think that will work!

  17. Chanel

    Hi Ronnie, love the article by the way. This guy and I from social media have been talking for a little over two months. We have never met before. We started talking via instant messaging, then it lead to texting. I initiated the first phone call which we talked for like 5 hours to almost twice a week, along with consistent texting. He mentioned that he would like to meet me and/or take me out, but I was super busy that weekend and we couldn’t figure out a good time to work around each other schedules (he never asked again). Surely but slowly our phone conversations were dead silent and the texting begin to slow down. I mirrored his movements. I texted when he texted. Now he’ll text me in the morning, I’ll respond — nothing from him, then repeat. I’m confused!

  18. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Chanel, Glad you like the blog post – thank you! So I’m surprised you’re confused. He wanted to meet you – the two of you couldn’t coordinate it, now he’s lost interest. That shows in his communication which has dwindled to one daily text. Time to move on because this kind of thing won’t turn around. Don’t respond and if suddenly he wants to meet he’ll let you know. But, don’t hold out hope. Your best bet is to look for a new guy and not from social media. Does that ever work? I’m sure not aware of it. Try Match or Bumble- more likely to get what you want there.

  19. Danielle

    Hi Ronnie, thank you for writing this article. I met this guy online – he lives four hundred miles from me. At first he came on strong, texted every day and called almost every morning. The ghosted for a week and has done this 3 times. When he came back he made it seem like I was the one who went off the radar. Why does he keep coming back? He hardly ask me anything about myself. He’s closed off at the same time which is confusing because he was talking about communication. I suggested meeting and he said he liked the idea, but nothing came of it. When he found out I was on vacation and asked why I didn’t tell him – we could have meet. I replied I did and you said you liked the idea. He turned it around and blamed me again. Why is he acting like this? If he contacts me again should I let it be and not respond? Thank you!

  20. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Danielle, First of all, I”m not a fan of long distance dating – for this exact reason. You’ve been communicating for a while but have never met and this is never good. You’ll find this post on long distance relationships helpful. Why does he blame you? That’s called “gaslighting” when someone turns things around and makes it your fault. My guess is he’s a narcissist – it’s all about him right? He doesn’t even ask about you. So my dating advice for you is to 1) look locally for love so you can actually GO ON DATES, 2) Raise your standards: when a man ghosts, once is plenty. Don’t accept this rude behavior over and over, and 3) When a man blames you for something he did RUN. You can’t argue with crazy, never mind maintain a healthy, loving relationship.

  21. Sarah

    Hi Ronnie, Thanks for your tips! I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 months, went on 7 dates but after the 1st, I initiated or strongly hinted for all of them. He texts daily, never asks me out, but talks about plans. When I suggest meeting, he’s available and will find an alternate day if not. The dates are 4 to 8 hours and we had a great time. He only kissed me on the 6th date, but nothing more. He’s 38yo, I’m 35. I asked what he wanted – he’s out of a 10y marriage and wants to date, have fun and if something great happens embrace it. He said he liked me, but doesn’t see why we have to go so quick. I stopped initiating texts as I’m on vacation and he hasn’t texted at all in 4 days, the longest pause in our exchanges. I know I should enjoy my vacation, but I’m struggling not to text. Is he not that interested? What should be my strategy here? Thank you for any advice!

  22. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sarah, There are 3 big clues here: 1) You have to initiate 2) He wants to date and have fun and if something happens fine (red flag about just going along for the ride and not wanting more) 3) Complaining about going too fast.(doesn’t want a relationship or to see you as often). All three show you he’s not ready for a relationship. I’m sure he enjoys time with you, but his sense of timing is not the same as yours – which is why YOU initiate. Stop texting and asking him out to see what HE does. Then you’ll know if he’s serious or not. This guy is happy to go along, but will not lead because he isn’t ready. If it takes longer than a week for him to ask to see you (not text – that’s not enough effort) then you’ll know he’s not into you or the man you want.

  23. Danyellow

    Hi Ronnie,
    I appreciate your responses and honesty and could use your words of wisdom! I reconnected with a guy that ghosted me a year ago. We started communicating again and saw each other once. He consistently sent mixed messages such as “I can’t wait to see you “ then not reply to my text for days. Out of no where he stopped responding to me. I’ve left several messages to no avail. I am so hurt he doesn’t have the decency to say “goodbye — have a nice life.” I know he isn’t worth my time, but I can’t stop thinking of him.It’s been three weeks. I’m not willing to give up yet. I make up all kinds of excuses as to why he hasn’t replied. I want to believe he is stressed and will soon come around. How big of an fool am I?

  24. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Danyellow, Perhaps you are a romantic (vs. a fool) but that way of thinking won’t help you find lasting love with a good man. Why have hope for a man sending mixed messages and in this case no messages at all? Men don’t say things like “goodbye, have a nice life”. Not even in the movies. Why are you expecting that? If you want lasting love, it’s YOUR JOB to be discerning and pick a man who is worthy. Is it possible you prefer the dream of love vs. the real thing?

  25. Maria

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met this guy online. We met twice and things got intense pretty fast, no sex but we messed around and then I moved away. We’ve been sexting for 5 months now. The problem is that I’m in a committed relationship and I cannot seem to stop obsessing about him. I have to visit his town soon and he knows it. He always disappears for 2-3 weeks and then comes back and it drives me insane. I never complain about it to him and I am not texting constantly or initiating when he ghosts, but I’m confused if I should just stop texting and responding forever. I don’t know what I want from him since I’m not planning to leave the person I’m with. I can’t expect him to treat me like a gf, but am I insane to expect him to show a more consistency? I’m inclined to never meet him again, but I really like him physically and it’s hard to decide to block and never text him again

  26. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Maria, I won’t say your insane, but you can’t have expectations from a man who just wants sex. More consistency sounds like a relationship if you ask me. It’s easy to understand why you obsess – what you can’t have is always more enticing. That’s human nature. Super hot chemistry is not indicative of a potential relationship – just the human biological urge to multiply. I hope you do block him so you don’t risk being found out – what if your man found out? Why not focus on improving your sex life with him? Something to think about…

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