Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? Don’t text him! This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

Stop texting Him - woman textingIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting.

Texting is fun! Sometimes it’s fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees.

Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. Texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

Texting On and Off

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically.

There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went.

Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows and he ghosts.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you.

So when things slow down, you do your best to keep it moving and maintain the connection.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

should I text him man with jacket over shoulderDoes he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing so why do men make dating so difficult?

I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.”

Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing.

You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are.

A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you.

You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Understand Dating

Many Women Don't Understand Dating

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option.

They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing, there is one leader and one follower.

As a woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

Follow His Lead

The same thing is true at the start of dating.

Follow a man’s lead:

  • If he texts, text him back.
  • If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER.

This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40.

It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think about dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE.

But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

Don’t Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose

When you stop texting to see what happens, you have nothing to lose. That’s because men know EXACTLY what to do to see you.

They have to ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy men know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him before you get to know him and discover if he’s worthy of your time.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
T
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose are men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  And that’s something you can stand to lose, right?

This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

So if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him?

Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than a week? Nope, not really.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one.

The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.

via GIPHY

When you don’t text him, observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential.

If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

If you want to know more about texting with men and proven dating strategies that really work to find love with the right man, get my book The 7 Deadly Sins of Texting.

 

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

221 thoughts on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men”

  1. Hi Ronnie, I wonder about two things – dating men in their 40’s vs. younger men. When I date men my age (I’m 45) many are coming out of long-term relationships (15-20 year marriages). They seem to want to be in relationship, but either they ask me for exclusivity in less than a month or they say they don’t know when they’ll be ready for a “real” relationship even though they constantly asking me out and converse. Both are turn offs. I got divorced in 2003, got engaged in 2016 but it didn’t work out, and since then I’ve focused on my career, dating sporadically. I know to watch a man’s behavior, not what he says, but I’m flooded with mixed signals. Now I’ve also been dating men who are younger than me, up to 10 years. Younger men play texting and tag-you’re-it games. They want me to initiate and tell them I like them 1)before I do and 2)before they’ve done anything to allow me to. I always find myself wondering if it even makes since to date someone younger or if a man who is younger will actually want a lasting relationship with an older woman. Any advice?

    Reply
    • Hi RG, What you have noticed regarding the difference between older and younger men makes sense to me. while you see patterns, each man needs to be considered as an individual. Could a younger man be serious about dating an older woman? Sure. My husband’s friend has been married 30 years to a woman 20 years older than him. But it is unusual. What matters most is how the man treats you, not his age. If you don’t want to initiate, express your feelings or be exclusive too quickly, don’t do it and walk away. Sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders and you just haven’t met the right man yet. It could be you need to move on more quickly when you see behaviors that don’t suit you. My best dating advice for you is to validate your experience, note you are good at identifying what is happening and encourage you to keep going. You will find him!

  2. Hello Ronnie, I started talking to a guy over a month ago. He mostly replied to posts I made. I rarely responded – I was not interested. Then I responded, he asked for my number and we started texting. He texted every morning. We hung out the first time – he was cool, no moves. He occasionally facetimed or called to chat. Second date we had lunch, went for a walk, and had our first kiss. Went to my car and it got a little heated. I said, “I don’t have time for games if only wanted to have sex” He said he enjoys talking to me and is too old for games and wasting time. However after that things have been off. He takes forever to respond like 2-3hours. Its really frustrating. I asked if he lost interest, but he said “No, if anything I gained interest.” Its been over a week and he hasn’t asked to see me. He messages me every morning but I’m kind of losing interest. Feels like he ‘s dating others. He’s sending me mixed signals. Should I not bother responding anymore?

    Reply
    • Hi Carmen, This is a classic case of the difference between what men say and do. If you are looking for love, you only want to think about what he does to see you. Right now that is nothing. When you look at the situation this way, you eliminate any mixed messages. Since he’s not trying to see you, he should no longer count as a boyfriend option. And his slow response time doesn’t help his case. Also, always assume a man is seeing other women unless he’s asked you to be exclusive. In answer to your question then, I wouldn’t bother with him any more. He’s proved to be unreliable.

      One important dating tip. Asking a man if he’s just interested in sex while you are fooling around or just before is not effective. At that point a man will say whatever he thinks you want to hear. The better choice is to wait to see how serious he is about you. A quality guy who is truly interested will wait several dates for you to feel ready. It’s called respect. When a man really wants to get to know you, he wants to spend consistent time together every week or more. This is not just to fool around but, to enjoy your company and see if you could be a good match for a relationship.

  3. Hi Ronnie, I was in a relationship but I broke it off because at that point I thought it was the best option for me but I came to regret it, I spoke to my partner and he says he wants to get back together but he needs time , it’s been two months and although we see each other because we have classes together, I can’t tell if he actually wants to get back together ( he keeps say he does)- do I also stop texting and see what happens, how do I go about it because he says he can’t decide which feelings overpowers which( love or anger from me leaving him) , please help

    Reply
    • Hi Cherry, When a guy says one thing and does another, focus only on what he does. Pay attention to his actions because that’s the only thing that matters. Sadly, his actions tell you he does NOT want to be with you right now. So yes, stop texting and hoping and let go. If he wants to come back, he will without you texting. The more you go after him, the more desperate you look which becomes unattractive. Maybe if he misses you’ll he’ll have a chance to clear up his feelings. It’s not easy but this is the best possible thing you can do for yourself to keep your dignity.

  4. Hi! I Met My Boyfriend last Year on Facebook, He’s in IRAN doing Humanities work in a Hospital there. He said he’s a Doctor. He asked me in September of 2019 to be his lady and ask me this year to be his wife. He said he will move here where I live he wants to retiree and move here once they replace someone in his position there. He was texting everyday and night. Now I started getting app quotes saying I love you every now and then now it’s only Sunday Blessings quotes. I decided I’m not texting him I am going silent on him to see what happens! I have fallen in love with him and know how he looks. We have FaceTime but not lately. I feel he is lieing and texting other women. He told me he only wants to spend his life with me.

    Reply
    • Hi Jacklyn, I say this with kindness but this is not REAL. You might feel in love with him but you can’t know who this man really is. You are in love with the idea of what he claims to offer. In truth he offers you nothing but texting and a few video chats. You say he’s not even consistent! That certainly isn’t love on his part. Seeing him on Facetime doesn’t tell you if he’s married or a scammer.

      I’m glad you have stopped texting him – this is smart. Now if you could forget him, block him, and move on. Then look for a local man to date in fall in love with. When you fall in love long distance via Facebook, you are actually keeping yourself safe from real love with a man who is local and wants to be build a life together. If you really want love, look locally.

    • Trust your gut. You feel he is lying. No man would ask you to be his wife without meeting. A normal man would not ask for exclusive relationship before meeting in person. He sounds like a con artist. A doctor who is good looking will have options to travel and meet women in person. He is lying about something doctor or not. You need to realize he is NOT who he seems. I had a similar situation and the man turned out to be a total psychopath. Do not waste another year of your life on a man in Iran, a hot bed of so many problems that we do not even accept VISAS Or visitors from that country right now! It is very likely he is feeling you out as a target – testing to see how invested you are emotionally and what use you are to him – home, money, citizenship, etc. You need to emotionally detach now, so you don’t fall for whatever scam he has.

  5. If a guy constantly contacts you and he sees that you don’t respond to him right away. Wonder what it means when sometimes he contacts a few times per hour.

    Reply
    • Hi A, Not sure I get your meaning. Is a few times an hour less than constantly? Either way, a man texting you frequently could mean that he’s bored, you’re fun to text with, he likes to text, he needs constant feedback from a woman, he’s looking for entertainment, etc. It could mean a million things EXCEPT genuine interest. That requires live dates and phone calls.

  6. I have known this guy since school and he told me that he fancied me then which was 23 years ago. I was chilling at his house or through lockdown and he’s never been a text so he says that he doesn’t like doing it. I finally came to the decision that I am going to just go home and not taxing anymore. This was the day before yesterday. So two days I don’t really know what to do because I really like him. I’m anxious to see if he likes me back. I don’t know how long to wait for him to text me back to then realise that maybe he is not the one.

    Reply
    • Hi Yvonne, I don’t quite understand what you wrote, if you were at his home many times or only once. But he can’t be that serious about you if he doesn’t stay in touch. So you are probably correct to assume he is not the one because he isn’t acting like he’s super interested.

  7. Hi Ronnie,

    I went out with this guy once and we seemed to have a good time. I suggested going out again around a week after when we had first met, but he was busy and said that we will figure something out later. We’ve continued talking now online for almost a month now but he hasn’t asked to go out. I’m confused as to why he’s still consistently messaging him even if it seems like he doesn’t want to meet me.

    P.s loved the article!

    Reply
    • Hi A.D., This is called “Stringing you along”. He’s keeping his options open, but not seriously interested. When you ask a man out and he puts you off, that’s him letting you know he’s not interested. If he wanted to see you again, he’d take action to do so. “Busy” is the perfect excuse. Next time this happens, you won’t be confused or believe it will be worked out later. One piece of advice. If you want to know if a man is truly interested, don’t ask him out. See how long it takes HIM to ask YOU out. A week or less is good. Anything more and he’s not serious about you, or dating or both.

  8. Hi Ronnie,

    A coworker asked for my number (we are both social workers)-actually he slipped me his number when we passed each other in the hallway. We work in a big building so I don’t often see him. I texted him later that night, and he is also responding…but then suddenly nothing? why would he ask for my digits if he is not planning to talk to me? He also had been flirting with me in person before (touching me, brushing against me etc.) Has been about 5 days since i last heard anything from me.

    Reply
    • Hi Seche, People are fickle. Perhaps it seemed like a good idea to converse at the time and now not so much. Or maybe he got busy. Either way, this man has demonstrated a lack of consistency which means he is not serious about you. While flirting can be fun, it doesn’t guarantee genuine interest. Hard as it may be, your best move is to do nothing and see what happens. If this is a pattern with him then move on quickly to avoid disappointment or later, heartbreak.

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