Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out? Understanding Men

“Why doesn’t he ask me out?” Does that question plague your mind about a certain man? Read on to find out what is likely going on and what you can do.

why doesn't he ask me outTell Me! Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Has this happened to you?

You know a man who you see often at work, church or with a group of friends. He’s always flirty and seems interested. He might go out of his way to stop by your desk or sit besides you at a social gathering. The two of you really click and have a great time whenever you see each other.

So you wonder, (and rightly so) “Why does he ask me out? It’s just so confusing. He might even Talk about getting together or asking you out. But, he doesn’t take that step. No date ever gets set up. With some men, they might set up the date but always cancel.

Arrrgh! What the heck?!? What is going on in his mind that keeps him from following through and asking you out?

How Men Think

Well, here’s a little peak inside a man’s mind as to why this happens. You might be surprised. You might think these reasons couldn’t possibly apply to you. So let me just tell you right now – yes, they do apply. Even to you regardless of the situation or if it’s a little bit different. It doesn’t – these are the reasons why he’s following through.

Attraction Is Not Enough

First keep in mind this has NOTHING TO DO WITH ATTRACTION. Yes, he finds you attractive or he wouldn’t bother with you. But his strong attraction has nothing too do with serious romantic intent. If he wanted to date you HE WOULD. But he’s not and there are a number of reasons why that is.

I know you might feel like I”m being too harsh or lacking compassion. I do understand but I feel for you and want my readers or others who drop by for some insight into men’s behavior to know what’s going on.

8 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Ask You Out

  1. He’s Got a Woman in His Life. Yup, he is married but doesn’t wear a ring, lives with a woman or has a girlfriend. This woman doesn’t keep him from flirting his butt off, but she sure does curtail his willingness to date other women. And yes, you’d be the OTHER woman if he did.
  2. He Doesn’t Want to Date Anyone. No matter how much he flirts or how great you are together. No matter how into you he seems, he doesn’t want a relationship. That’s why he doesn’t ask you out – he doesn’t want to go on dates or get involved.
  3. He Needs an Ego Boost. When you flirt with this guy, it feels so good to him. He soaks up your flirtatious energy and his ego gets the boost he needs. Maybe he’s a bit down, or life has gotten hard, or he carves female attention. It doesn’t matter why really. He just needs the strokes to feel more confident, attractive and desirable.
  4. He Enjoys Flirting. The flirty interactions you share are great fun! It’s creative, sexy and highly entertaining. So he does it whenever he can to pass the time and feel alive. In fact, it seems like he can’t get enough. But he still won’t ask you out and he never will.
  5. He Looks Good in Front of Other Men. This is another version of the ego boost because when this man flirts, its usually for an audience. He not only wants your attention, he wants  men to see how you desire him. So, it’s all about him, and not really about you at all.
  6. He Loves the Fantasy. Flirting with you gives him plenty of fantasy fodder. He might use your encounters alone or think about you when he’s with his woman to spice things up. Yuck right? Happens ALL the time.
  7. He Knows He’s Not Your Man. Sometimes a guy knows he’s out of his league. Or you are out of his. But he still finds you incredibly attractive and loves the banter. He never acts on this connection because put simply, he knows better. It’s clear to him it would never work out.
  8. He’s Not Capable of a Relationship. Not all men want a relationship and on top of that there are those who are simply not capable. They know this so they avoid starting anything up with you.

Are there other answers for “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” Most likely. I’m sure I haven’t covered every option possible. But this is a good dose of reality for why men refuse to take that next step.

What Can You Do?

Enjoy the flirting and let it boost your ego. Have fun with it. Acknowledge the exchanges are great practice so you can flirt with other men who ARE available.

If enjoying conversations with him just makes you feel bad, then avoid him. Or tell him you no longer want to play the game. Or be more coy and just cut him off or keep the conversations short. Tell him you’ve got to get back to work.

You have many options. The only one not open to you is dating him or getting him to change his mind.

So take your pick and handle things the best you can. Then, move on as soon as possible because there are plenty more fish in the sea. Seek out a man who wants a fabulous woman like you for a lasting, loving relationship. They do exist!


4 responses on “Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out? Understanding Men

  1. Robin

    I’ve got a guy like this at church…he finally asked me to sit with him at a church function, then turned his back on me and talked with the person on his right.

    I wasn’t near the group on my end, and he’s tall, so I couldn’t talk to the people on his side, so I felt I was floundering. After finishing my fried chicken (hey!), I smiled and said my good byes.

    That was just weird, but I do wonder what he was thinking. Men just think so differently than women, I don’t get this…and I’m a linear thinker!

  2. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Robin,
    Wow how rude! That was a nasty power play. So sorry but good for you for getting through it with dignity. You are so right – why would he choose to be mean? I’d steer clear of that bad boy in church or anywhere.

  3. Josie

    I have seen men who are extremely good looking, attractive and charming (lady killers) who play this game. They especially love doing it to “girl next door types” or women carrying a few extra pounds. It’s like some ego thing. And it crushes the hearts of these women. They abuse their power instead of understanding how fortunate they are to have what they have.

  4. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Josie – there are all kinds of men, just like there are all kinds of women. The trick is to keep looking until you find a good one. Don’t give up!

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