The question, “How can I let go of him?” plagues many single women. You know the relationship isn’t good, but you can’t seem to move on. Here’s what you can do.
At the beginning, the two of you were so good together. You laughed and had fun or could sit side by side quietly and feel comfortable. Your future looked bright and you were so happy. You had such high hopes. What happened?
Maybe he started pulling away in any of these ways:
- He got really busy at work
- He stopped calling as often
- He canceled more often
- He texted less
- He put off seeing you into the future
- He’s been sick a lot
All of these reasons can drive a wedge between you and your man. And many times they are nothing but excuses to create distance. It feels like you’re riding a bike downhill with no brakes. Or being sucked into some downward vortex you can’t explain.
When your relationships shifts like this its so hard to understand. So you do what you know how to do which is hold on for dear life with every fiber of your being. But does that solution work?
Here’s What Doesn’t Work
Women are often tempted to dig deeper to figure out what has changed. You might do any of the following and there are many other similar options:
- Ask your man what is wrong again and again even if he says nothing
- Snoop into his phone or other devices looking for anything to explain the shift
- Be extra nice and over-give so he can’t help but love you
- Demand that he pay attention to you and spend more time together
- Talk to his friends and family to gain insights about what is happening
What Can You Do to Make Things Better?
Sometimes the very best thing you can do is to recognize something is not right. Then ask yourself, “How do I want to be treated and how do I want my relationship to be?” This bottom-line question can help you start the process of letting go. Ultimately every woman deserves to be treated well.
If something is bothering your man, he should be able to talk to you about it. So, if he’s not telling you what’s going on, he’s not including you in his life which is always a troubling sign. Good communication is essential to maintain any healthy relationship.
When a man pulls away, for any reason, the very best course of action is for you to pull away too. Give him the space he needs to figure things out on his own. Otherwise you could actually make things worse while trying to make it better.
1.For example, when you ask him multiple times to tell you what is wrong or going on and he doesn’t say anything, that just gets on his nerves and makes him pull away more.
2. If you snoop in his phone, you may find something but you’ve also intruded on his privacy which won’t create more trust.
3. When you try to be super nice and over-give, that too can make a man pull back further. He knows he doesn’t deserve this treatment and you might experience his backlash as he tries to push you away.
4. Some women take the demanding route, explaining how they need to be treated better and expect more time together. If he’s already pulling away, demands will never bring him closer.
5. Asking his friend or family for insights may give you some understanding, but if he’s not willing to talk things through with you, that doesn’t bode well for your relationship.
How Do You Know When It’s Over?
Preserving your self esteem and dignity are your primary objective. If your relationship diminishes your self esteem, that’s how you know it’s no longer serving your best interests. A woman who knows her worth doesn’t let her relationship drag her down or her man treat her poorly just hoping to hold on so she’s not alone.
I realize this sounds incredibly rational and not considerate of the intense feelings surrounding a waning relationship. But your feelings for him can cloud your objectivity and keep you locked into a situation that is not healthy for you.
Love Is Not Enough
Hard as this sounds, love is not always enough. Mutual respect is a vital part of any relationship. If he doesn’t respect you or treat you well, how is he really adding to your life?
Women often hold onto a man longer than they know they should because they fear being alone or not being able to find a new or better man. But is this really a reason to stay with him? When a man is not fulfilling his side of the relationship, staying will not improve things. And you could end up feeling much worse.
So How Can I Let Go of Him?
Even though this could be the hardest thing you ever did, pulling away from him frees up your energy and opens new possibilities in your life. Being free of a relationship that drains you will lighten your energy and allow you to connect with options that can bring in joy.
To let go, try any of these methods:
1.Stop Calling and Texting Him
When you stop communicating, see what he does. Does he call to find out what happened? Giving a man space can make him realize he misses you and that he better get reconnected if he wants you to stick around.
2. Distract Yourself
Learning to distract yourself is very powerful. This is a great time to start that project you’ve been putting off. Or begin a new exercise program. Or pour yourself into a creative project. Call your girlfriends and go out. See a movie or organize your home. Keeping busy helps you stay strong and not think so much about him.
3. No Man IS Better than the Wrong Man
It’s actually healthier to be single and focus on enjoying your life than wasting time with the wrong man and feeling miserable. Give yourself a chance to meet a better man by freeing your heart. Break up with him and then take time to heal and get clear on what you want in a man and what you will no longer put up with. After, you can start dating again to find a man who wants to be with you in the same way you want to be with him.
4. Decide Your Happiness is More Important Than His
Seriously what is more important – your happiness or his? Hopefully you can answer that you are more important because that is the truth. If you are terribly unhappy with the man you are in relationship with, it’s time to let go and move on. Your happiness and your life are at stake.
5. Make a List of Why You Need to Leave Him
Sometimes people rethink all the good times and conveniently forget the distress the relationship caused. That’s why writing a list of the problems and keeping it handy will prevent you from glorify him or putting him on a pedestal. Yes you had good times but they are in the past now. Those times are gone.
6. Read the Book Women Who Love Too Much
This is an empowering book that explains how love can be an addiction and how to beat it. There are times when some women feel they can’t help themselves but this book will make a difference and give you the tools to help you get and stay strong.
7. Seek Counseling
When all else fails, get the help you need. You might not even want to wait until you have broken up. Emotional support can help you grow strong and do what is for your best interest. A good therapist will share insights and strategies to help you take the steps that will begin the healing process.
I know it seems like the end of the world to break up with the man you love. You’ve probably been thinking for weeks or even months “How can I let go of him?”
Everyone goes through this at some point. And you will recover. It might not be easy, but leaving a bad relationship is a sound decision that ultimately builds your self esteem and makes you stronger. It’s the first step back to finding yourself and happiness again.
I’m rooting for you! Take good care of yourself – there’s only one you.