Here’s a tip about understanding men. If you want to see more of a guy who dates you occasionally, first think about what his sporadic dates tell you about him.
“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,
I’m a career focused 40 year old woman who has never married and has no kids. I’m dating a man who is 50 with the same deal. We were set up by family & friends. So far, we’ve had three great dates in 3 months. We have not slept together yet. Work and travel have definitely gotten in our way. His life is his job, my life is career too, but not as extreme as it is for him.
Problem is, he does not call or email me when he travels which makes for long gaps between contact and dates. I want to get to know him better, to speak to him more and see him more often. How do I bring that up without seeming desperate and/or needy? We have not slept together. Please help! I need your advice!
Wanting More in Westover”
Dear Wanting More,
You like this man, want to get to know him better and hope this relationship goes deeper. So far you’ve seen him three times, but just once a month and he doesn’t contact you in between. What does that tell you about him?
Understanding Men – Learn to Read a Man’s Actions
If you take a step back and look at this objectively, not from what you want but from what is happening, you will get a clear picture. This is a man who is content seeing you infrequently and doesn’t desire contact in between. Ultimately, he enjoys your company, but he’s not craving more. He’s not curious about how you’re doing and he’s not trying to win you over.
The truth is he doesn’t want more from you. If he did, he would take action to talk to you and see you more. He’s perfectly happy with how things are. No expectations, no demands, no strings attached. He gets to come and go and you have no options to change this.
I know this is hard to hear but HE HAS TO WANT MORE and unfortunately, you can’t MAKE him want more. He is not looking for a relationship or he would step things up. He likes things just the way they are or he would do something to change that.
Can I Do Anything to Change the Pace?
The one thing you can do is encourage him. Next time you see him, tell him how much you enjoy his company or sense of humor. Say you feel relaxed and comfortable around him. Let him know you appreciate the restaurant he chose or whatever place he took you too. Don’t over do it – a couple of compliments will be enough if his has any chance of getting him to see you more frequently.
When it comes to understanding men, they choose women who make them feel good. When you tell him you like spending time with him and compliment his choices or sense of humor, he’ll feel appreciated which reflects well on you.
But the fact is this is a man who is 50, never married, and travels a lot for work. If that didn’t please him, he’d have changed it long ago. Truth is he’s probably happy alone. He could enjoy a woman’s company like yours from time to time, but not want anything serious.
I’ve done a lot of work on understanding men and one thing I know for sure: Regardless of how busy a man is, if he’s interested in you and wants to see you, he will FIND THE TIME. A man will move hell and high water (as the old saying goes) to be with a woman who captivates him.
My Advice for Understanding Men
So my advice is to move on and look for a man who has more time in his calendar for you and for love. This man is not likely to change his ways for you and you’ll do nothing but waste your precious time waiting for him to become the man you want.
Wishing you love,
Photo Credit: Digital Vlilkki