Can’t Find Love? Maybe You’re Too Clingy or Needy?

find loveCan’t find love and dating seems too hard? Try to avoid appearing clingy or needy – these are two big turnoffs for men! Learn how to curb these tendencies. You’ll find examples of these behaviors and how to turn things around in this post.

Signs You’re Too Clingy or Needy

You may not recognize the signs because this is about how you interact with men. Most men want a woman who is confident, self sufficient and has an enjoyable life as is. You are open to a man in your life and would like to find a good partner. Having a mate would add another dimension to your life, but you don’t NEED a man to survive.

On the other hand, if you act clingy or needy, you are telegraphing your insecurity the minute you get interested in a man. This can look differently for everyone. You may need a lot of attention and reassurance so you want your him to call and see you often, give you compliments or plan dates far in advance. And you’ll want this before it’s appropriate to even expect it.

Here’s how you know you are too clingy or needy during the first 1 – 4 dates:

1) You freak out if his interest cools after a coffee date or even a couple of dates

  • You wear out your girlfriends asking them about what your man said and did, going over every detail
  • You look for meaning and what might have gone right or wrong based on every little nuance
  • You spend more than 50% of any day obsessively thinking about the new guy

2)  You initiate contact to see what’s happening

  • You call him because you haven’t heard from him
  • You text him to say thank you after every date
  • You feel compelled to stay in touch regularly
  • You share life details on a daily basis

To a man, this behavior is invasive. You are invading his personal space without being invited. This is a red flag to men that you are high maintenance woman and demanding. That’s not something you want him to think about you.

   3) You share your feelings too quickly

  • You can’t hold back and tell him that you like him soon after meeting
  • You express anger that he didn’t call or follow through on a promise
  • You give him too many compliments or do nice things beyond normal
  • You want to know how he feels about the relationship

Most men aren’t big on sharing feelings even in a long-term relationship, so early on in dating this freaks guys out and makes them bolt.

   4) You drop plans when he asks you out

  • Plans with others are expendable
  • You cancel on your girlfriends whenever he calls

  5) You try to take the lead because he’s not stepping up

  • You call to ask him out since you haven’t heard from him
  • You say you hope to see him again to close the deal at the end of the date which is a man’s job
  • You buy tickets to an event so you can ask him out
  • You go someplace you know he’ll be to “bump” into him “accidentally”

Why Clingy and Needy Women Can’t Find Love

You may think that dating has changed and things are different. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. Men are biologically still hunters. That means the chase is still a part of courtship, harkening back to when men were hunters. Easy prey offers little excitement because there is is no thrill of the hunt and no conquest. If you think this is ridiculous, chauvinistic and archaic, you are very wrong. (OK, maybe it is chauvinistic, but it is what it is.)

So, when you demonstrate that you are clingy or needy, a man gets turned off quickly. His deep need to “win you over” is negated when that challenge is removed from the process. That’s one of the biggest reasons men pull away or disappear.

Use the Ballroom Dancing Analogy to Find Love

Think of dating like Ballroom Dancing. He steps forward and you follow his lead. You take a step forward and he backs away. Get it? This simple analogy can save you from taking the wrong action. If you ever have a question about what to do next, just ask yourself, “How would I handle this in ballroom dancing?” The answer is always to FOLLOW HIS LEAD so you can be a great dance partner. Follow this idea to find love.

Clingy/needy women don’t wait to see what a man will do or follow his lead. They have no patience, don’t understand how dating works and can’t hold off to see what will happen. They jump to get the ball rolling or start to question him about his intentions before he’s even decided how much he wants to date you. To a man, this behavior is highly unappealing and intolerable.

Most Women Get to “Relationship” First

It’s natural that women see relationship potential before most men do. This is just the way things are. Men require more time to know they want a relationship with you. Which is why a woman MUST HAVE PATIENCE. No one likes to be rushed, especially men about relationships.

Building confidence and self assurance are essential to find love. It will take time before you get a clear message from a new guy. Until he feels certain you are the one, he will keep his feelings to himself. His actions however, give you a peak under the tent about his intentions. Consistent calls/emails and frequent dates over six to eight weeks demonstrate where he could be headed which is into a relationship with you.

To find love, be patient and give a man the space to decide for himself how much he wants to be with you. Avoid anything that even remotely resembles clinginess or neediness. To appeal most to men, boost your confidence and self assuredness – two qualities that are highly attractive and desirable about single women of any age.

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4 responses on “Can’t Find Love? Maybe You’re Too Clingy or Needy?

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Anna – you caught me with autocorrect spelling errors! Thanks for pointing it out — I made the change.

  2. Anna

    Hi Ronnie,

    Thank you for your blog. I’m just wondering what you mean by “self absurdness”? Did you mean to write “self assurance”?

    Thank you for your clarification!

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Soukoun,
    Sometimes we love the people who don’t love us – I don’t know why. But if he reached out then pulled back it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Except maybe falling for that nonsense more than once. If a man rejects you once or fails you, chances are it will happen again. I can’t comment on your current situation except to say try counseling – that can make a big difference even if you are the only one who goes.

  4. Soukoun

    Hi!! My name is Soukoun. My ex writes back to me after 20 years . I was so excited when he came back. He was flirting with me all the time. Texting me all the time. As soon as I told him that I am falling for him, he completely backed out. The previous time also the same thing happened. I was left feeling rejected n I feel the same again. I dont know what did I do wrong. He us married and so am I and its hard for me to go back to my husband love him back. I have never loved anybody as much as I have loved him. my marriage has never been a happy one. plz guide me as to what should I do?

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