Wondering, “Does he like me?”
This is an age old question single women dating over 50 or really any age often wonder about. Dating can be confusing, but I can help clear up some of that confusion and help you with understanding men. Please read this email from one of my readers and my response to her about this difficult situation.
“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,
I’ve been a real fool.
Being a widow for six years, I met this guys that comes in where I work. I could see him two times a week for three months, then off for three months, depending on his schedule. Every time he came to my work he would ask “did you miss me”, and I replied “no”.
He tried to sell himself to me, like saying the good job he use to have and saying nothing but nice things about himself. After three months, I started to miss him. We exchanged cell numbers and said he had some things to take care of. Said it would be three months. I thought that was Okay since he was going through a divorce.
Before the end of the three months, he said his past has caught up with him. Three months later same thing happened. This went on for a whole year. He never seemed to have time see me since he works six nights a week. When he was tired or mad at his circumstances, he would say I am acting liking a bitch, and called me a meanie. Meanwhile the whole year he would come into work and want me to text him. I always had to initiate the text.
He said he was interested in me, but he only ever gave me one compliment. He said I was his future fiancé. Yeah right. The last three months of the year period, he was really depressed. I texted him for two weeks and he never replied. Sometimes he works two full time jobs, comes into my work and looks terrible. Says he only had two hours of sleep.
Also, whenever he comes into my work, he is always looking for me. The last time he came in, I walked away from him and still haven’t heard from him. Never says anything except for how are you. I see he has time on Facebook now. People tell me he only wanted s.ex and money.
Ronnie, help me to get this person out of my mind, please.
Fool for him”
Dear Fool for Him,
Everything you went through this year with this man has not been easy on you. I can see that. But in truth, this emotional pain comes from a strong need for male attention. That deep yearning caused you to set your hopes on a man who you knew would never deliver. It’s true right?
Hope is important and essential really for a health crisis. That positivity can sometimes help people turn the corner on an illness.
But hope about a man who is stringing you along will never result in a healthy relationship. The action of leading you on shows you a man is NOT serious. It lets you know he wants your attention and adoration. But, that might be all he needs or could handle. If he really wanted to spend time with you – he would!
When a man puts you off because he’s not ready – believe what he says and MOVE ON. Why would you ever wait around for a man like this? Or initiate texting with him? As you pointed out, he never complimented you, only talked about himself, called you names and didn’t go on dates with you. What did you see in him?
How to Stop Wondering, “Does He Like Me?”
How often did you ask yourself, “Does he like me?” and what evidence did you have that he actually did besides his lame talking? The easiest way to know if a man is truly interested is when he pursues you consistently. Does he call and text a few times a week? Does he take you on a date at least once a week? After the first few dates, does he want to see you twice a week or more?
Unfortunately, this man never followed through and in fact put you off for three months at a time! This is not a demonstration of his true interest in you. When a man never has time to see you, he definitely doesn’t like you enough to spend quality time with you.
Hope Gone Wrong
This is hope gone wrong. You kept hoping he would see you. You hoped he would become nice. You hoped he would get his life together. Sadly, you were not living in reality about what this man could offer you. He had nothing to give and that is exactly what you got from him.
I have compassion for your pain. As a dating coach for women, what I see in this situation is a need to build your self-esteem and your outlook for a romantic future. A woman with healthy self-esteem would never put up with this kind of nonsense. No, you would walk away or tell him to get lost.
Scarcity Thinking about Men
I can only imagine you felt like this man was your only option for love. So, you hung on wasting a year of your life. This is a result of “scarcity thinking” with thoughts like, “I”ll never find another man. No other man will pay attention to me. How will I meet a man?”
Questions like these can lock a woman into the wrong man unnecessarily. The world is an abundant place and I don’t believe there is only one guy, never mind one guy who is a jerk. But I’m guessing you might have thought this way…
Build Your Confidence and Self Esteem
Please work on how you feel about yourself. Have confidence in who you are. If needed get a new hairstyle – cut and/or color. Change your make up, get some new clothes and exercise. Learn a new skill or hobby. Make new friends. Do things that enrich your life. These are steps to help a woman feel good about herself. When you are happier in your own life, you become attractive to quality men.
Start Meeting Men and Dating
Next, work on your mindset. You need to BELIEVE and KNOW there is a good man for you out there. Then, take steps to help him find you. Go out to MEET MEN. Don’t wait for a man to come find you at work. Get online, got to Meetups, try the dating apps and start dating.
Dating over 50 to find love is not easy – but it IS totally possible. Open up your options by taking these steps and you improve your chances of finding love exponentially. Once you are busy building your confidence and dating other men, you’ll have no problem at all with not thinking about this unworthy guy who you mistakenly hoped would be “the one”.
Wishing you love,
PS I recommend reading my book Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong available on Amazon.com. If you want help with finding love, why not give me a call to schedule a Free Dating Discovery Session? 203-877-3777