If you have trouble understanding men, you aren’t alone! It can be challenging, but here are a few important tips that make it so much easier.
“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,
I need help with understanding men! I’ve known Mark since high school. We never dated, but stayed in touch. I ignored him or made excuses for the most part, but somehow we talked a couple of times a year.
This past December we talked by phone one night until the sun came up! Then he called me every day for a week, confessing he liked me since high school but didn’t think he had a chance. The problem was he moved out of state to study, so we agreed to take things slow.
Our first date went very well, but two days later I didn’t hear from him. I asked when I would see him again. He said it wasn’t a good idea because his feelings were coming back strong for me and he doesn’t want to get to know me long distance. His last relationship was long distance and it didn’t work out.
Feeling confused, I asked him if this means we will wait. He said he is willing to wait if I am. I said doesn’t that mean we can’t see other people? He said he doesn’t want this to be a burden on me. The next day, he apologized for saying it’s not a good idea and wanted to see me again.
We had another great date and he told me he’s serious about me. When he dropped me home, he walked me to my door and held my hand. We agreed to see each other when he comes back in March. Then nothing for 4 months!
I just don’t understand how something like that could happen, and then for him to vanish. Why would he say he doesn’t want a relationship, but then change his mind and take me out on another date and hold my hand? Even for him to chase me for so long, and then when he actually gets me, he runs away!
Hope you can help!”
High School Crush
I’m sorry you are hurting and I can see why you are confused by his behavior. I’m going to explain a bunch of things to help you with understanding men
1. What Men Say vs. Do
Talk is easy and cheap, but it’s not “the chase.” When it comes to men the only thing that matters is what they DO to win you over and start a relationship with you. The chase is about trying to get dates with you and into relationship. Mark talked a good game. But he didn’t have consistency or follow through. There really was no chase, just talk.
He only made time to see you twice. This is your clue about any man – if he says one thing but DOES another, just pay attention to the ACTION when it comes to understanding men.
2. Sweet Talk is Blah, Blah, Blah
Mark told you he liked you since high school and had strong feelings for you. I call this “blah, blah, blah” because I think he was sweet-talking you. Maybe he was getting back at you for ignoring him over the years. Maybe he was enjoying your attention and it felt like a conquest after so long. Maybe he was just boosting his ego at your expense. But it doesn’t mean he genuinely wants to be with you. That only gets demonstrated through his consistent pursuit over time. You were really a victim of his sweet talk.
3. Let’s Take Things Slowly
When a man says, let’s take things slowly, what he really means is “I don’t want anything serious so don’t have any expectations.” Slowly means he doesn’t have to follow up, be in touch or see you with any regularity. Yet, after two days of not hearing from him, even though you agreed to go slow, you were surprised he didn’t stay in touch. I know this is hard, but that’s not how things work. Slowly means when he gets good and ready. Talking every two days at first would be fast not slow. That’s how men think.
Understanding Men – Wait for the Proof
The next time a guy starts talking about how special you are, how strong his feelings are, how you should wait for him, or about the future, that’s your MASSIVE clue. These are red flags showing “too much too soon.” Hold off on falling in love if you’ve only had a date or two. Any time it feels like you are in a romantic whirlwind and things are too good to be true, they probably are.
As the old standard goes, “The proof is in the pudding” and the “pudding” with men is when he makes time to see you on a regular basis – at least once a week. It’s all about in-person contact, not texting and talking on the phone. Now that you know this about understanding men, you’ll be able to weed out time-wasting guys so you are free to meet the right man.
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