Is He Interested in Me? I Gave Him My Number But He Didn’t Call

Do you wonder, “Is he interested in me?” about a man you see at a cafe or somewhere else you frequent? He flirts with you but doesn’t take it any further. I’ll explain why in this post.

Is he interested in meIs He Interested in Me? How to Know for Sure

Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,

I go to this cafe and one barista is really attractive. I noticed him and he noticed me, but nothing ever happened. He would bring orders to other people and stay near our table and smile at me. Over 3 months I went 3 more times with a girlfriend. He always said nice things, smiled, and made eye contact with me and I said hi back and flirted too.

I decided to do something I’ve never done and gave him a paper with my first name and phone number, then left. I’m moving so that gave me the guts to try it. He never called. It’s been 4 days already. Did I misread him? He didn’t do this with other customers. I thought I would feel better knowing his level of interest now I just feel worse.

Why would a guy give that kind of attention if he is not even interested? If you give a guy your number what does he think? At least I can appreciate now how guys feel waiting for a call. The worst part is it ruined my fantasy about the guy who used to flirt with me. I don’t think I would give someone my number again. What do you think happened? 🙁

Karla in the UK

Hi Karla,

Many women mistake a man’s attraction as genuine interest, but these two things are NOT the same. Attraction means he likes to see you, likes to talk to you, likes to flirt too. These are all fun for him and for you as well. You can certainly enjoy these interactions and you should. However, do not assume it means anything. Women often start to extrapolate or create meaning to what is happening.

Flirting is a playful, creative and fun way to interact with the opposite sex. When you flirt, you make it easy for men to approach you and get to know you. But here’s the catch, if a man is interested, he will ask for your number. That still doesn’t guarantee he’ll call and ask you out. Even if a man calls, he still might not take that final step to get a date with you.

Why do men do this? There are so many reasons!

  • It’s fun
  • It helps pass the time at a boring job
  • They like to fantasize
  • They are friendly
  • If you flirt back it’s an ego boost
  • It feels good, etc.

Now, you gave him your number, taking that next step for him. I don’t recommend this but it’s ‘s not horrible. You took a chance and it didn’t work out. So what? Don’t be hard on yourself. The risk was small so no harm done. And now you have insight into what it’s like for men to approach women and get shot down. A little compassion can go a long way.

Does He Like Me?

When you see a man who flirts with you regularly, its only natural to start wondering, “Does he like me?” This is exciting to think about and women spend a lot of time on this topic. Here’s the truest, yet simplest four-part test to figure out if is interested:

  1. Does he ask for your number or email to contact you?
  2. Does he ask you out?
  3. Did he make a specific date, time and place for that date?
  4. Does he call after to ask you out again?

Is He Serious about Me?

The four questions above don’t quite cover everything to determine whether or not a man is serious about you. That takes time to discover. If a man continues to call, text and set up dates for more than three months, you have moved into the early stages of a relationship.

One thing is for sure, if a man doesn’t get your number, doesn’t ask you out but just keeps flirting, he is attracted but not seriously interested.

Men know exactly how to take things to the next level. So, if a man is not asking you out, he has a reason for that. Trust his lack of action as a sign he IS NOT INTERESTED IN MORE – WITH YOU or maybe any woman.

Another possibility is that your flirty friend already has a woman, but still enjoys flirting. No harm done as long as he’s not trying to make his girlfriend or wife jealous and doesn’t take steps to cross any lines.

Last but not least, if you are flirting, texting or talking to a man over time and he doesn’t do what is necessary to make it clear that he is interested, that is actually a clear message right there. So, a man who is into you will not want to leave you wondering. He’ll do what he can to win you over and make sure you are his.

In other words, if you are confused about what he is up to and “if he is interested in me,” that right there tells you  he’s NOT. Let it be that simple because 99.9% of the time it really is. Stop reading into his flirtatious behavior and just take it as light-hearted fun. Then go out and meet some new guys.

Wishing you love,

is he interested in me

 

11 responses on “Is He Interested in Me? I Gave Him My Number But He Didn’t Call

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Daisy, Ok here’s what happened. The brother-in-law isn’t ready to date so even though he likes you, he’s not taking any action. Then you find a boyfriend the energy of your dating traveled through the Universe to him. This can happen with any exes you may have as well. They some how just pick up on it and connect out of the blue. Unfortunately it means NOTHING because eh still didn’t ask you out right? He was feeling lonely so he reached out to you and needs some healing but that is not your job. The hard, cold truth is he’s not sending mixed messages. He acts interested but is NOT taking no action. That IS his clear message he’s not READY. So if you’ve got a decent guy you’re dating now – stick with him!

  2. Daisy

    Hi, I met my girlfriend’s brother-in-law on New Years. We had chemistry and he asked for my number. I messaged him a couple of times and he replied back and was chatty but never initiated any communication. I have seen him a few times since at my friend’s house. On 4th of July he gave me a ride home after the party. Again I never heard from him. I’m getting mixed messages. He follows me on IG and likes all my posts. Now I started dating someone 6 weeks ago. Last night the guy texted me and I’m so confused. He asked me about a work trip and chatted a bit. Why did he take 9.5 months to text me and why did this happen now that I started dating someone? I really liked the chemistry we had, but I had given up and deleted his number. I had talked to my girlfriend and she told me he liked me a lot but had a lot of bad experiences being divorced twice and with dating.

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Yassy, Did you pick a place and set a day and time? If you did – show up. Try not to contact a new guy every day when he doesn’t know you yet. It’s too high of an expectation. Now if the time has passed and he never did get in touch, then he’s not interested. Even though he seemed interested before his actions let you know he’s not really into it – who knows why. Since he doens’t know you, it could be a million other reasons so don’t take it personally

  4. Yassy

    Rennie.
    this guy approached me and asked for my numbers and I said he’d rather give me his and he did. the following day I called him and he seem interested and we took it to whatsapp, we talked about meeting the following day and it was a done deal. on the following day he never contacted or asked if I’m still keen and now I’m wondering he wants me or what? plz help

  5. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Gail – Sure you can give a guy your number and if he’s shy, now he’s got a sure thing. But from that point forward you need to let him lead. My advice comes is for so many women who take the lead and chase men, then feel devastated when the men don’t reciprocate or initiate anything. So, for women who don’t want an alpha male, yes a beta man might need more reassurance. That is the EXACT purpose of flirting! Body language is anything but sophisticated and everyone gets it because its instinctual, not intellectual. I think it’s funny that you talk about men going “brainless or numb” yet seem offended by my advice. All rules can be broken, but knowing them provides common sense guidelines that work for the vast majority of people and situations.

  6. Gail T.

    I think Ronnie that you are just not getting the idea that introverted men who are very shy around women need to be thrown a bone. You cannot treat these men like Alpha Male dogs who love the chase….almost to the point of being psychopaths. I don’t feel there is anything wrong (I have done it myself) with a gal writing her name down with her mobile phone and saying, “Maybe we should get together sometime for coffee? Call me.” If the guy doesn’t call, yes, he’s not interested, and you move on. By giving him the number and the name, you CLEARLY indicate interest, but you also put the ball in his court. Guys who are introverts are often so terrified around women that they just go brainless. As one male friend said to me, “I want to ask the lady out, but I must know she is absolutely, 99% interested or I just won’t bite.” I have three girlfriends who are married. Two made it “really” obvious, and the other actually asked him out. All three men are not Alphas. I feel you need to be careful with hard and fast rules. All men are different, and I fear too many ladies in the dating game are missing out on great matches by playing this “I’m gonna play as hard as I can get with this sucker.” It doesn’t work with introverts.

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Manuela, A man can find you attractive, look at you, flirt and talk about you without wanting to date you. Attraction is not enough and doesn’t mean anything. He has to WANT a relationship. And he might flirt with you even if he’s in a relationship simply because it’s entertaining. A man’s interest in you or attraction to you doesn’t indicate anything more than that.

    I think you did the right thing giving him your number because now you know he doesn’t want to date you. If he did, he would have called and asked you out. So the good news is you don’t have to wonder any longer. He might be in a relationship or just not want one. Or maybe he was curious as to why you spent 10 hours a day at the library. Whatever it was, he’s not your man so it’s time to meet some new men if you want to find love. Read this post to learn more about flirting and men.

  8. Manuela

    I’ve got a crazy story… Last January I moved to Berlin and started to go to a certain library, every day from 10 a.m. till 8 p.m. At the end of January a guy (who works there) started looking at me…and kept looking at me for more than a year (till August). Then I decided to start living my life outside that library. Before I left that , I gave him my number. I thought maybe he’d be happy about that since he’s been “playing” with me hiding the dvd that every evening I used to choose. I’ve heard him talking about me with his colleagues (he thought that I couldn’t understand what they were saying but actually I did). Now it’s been a month and he’s still quiet. What does that mean? Was he just playing? Also, I stopped going to the library a month ago and I thought that would have helped but nope… nothing… Help! ?

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Tara, Did you ever do a google search to see if he’s really divorced? Your state will have a record of his divorce decree if he really is divorced. That’s a long time to see a man who lives with his “ex” wife. I’m not sure what to tell you at this point. I would think you deserve to be with a man who is all yours – not living with another woman for ANY reason.

  10. tara

    I met this guy back in 98-99 we have been seeing each other for18 years he lives with his ex wife and he tells me don’t worry about her but I still do what is she capleble of doing he really likes me a lot a whole lot I like him a whole lot I’d like to date him but other people have gotten in the way of things by saying things to me

  11. Titania Hudson

    Great to know why some men just don’t bother to continue their skirt-chasing efforts! Sometimes, women should not focus too much on rejection as some men might just not be ready for a serious relationship and once a woman catches on with too much seriousness, they are ready to take off and bolt out of the nearest exit. My two cents worth as an author of dating books.

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