Is He Interested in Me? I Gave Him My Number But He Didn’t Call

Do you wonder, “Is he interested in me?” about a man you see at a cafe or somewhere else you frequent? He flirts with you but doesn’t take it any further. I’ll explain why in this post.

is he interested in meIs He Interested in Me? How to Know for Sure

Hi Love Coach Ronnie,

I go to this cafe and one barista is really attractive. I noticed him and he noticed me, but nothing ever happened. He would bring orders to other people and stay near our table and smile at me. Over 3 months I went 3 more times with a girlfriend. He always said nice things, smiled, and made eye contact with me and I said hi back and flirted too.

I decided to do something I’ve never done and gave him a paper with my first name and phone number, then left. I’m moving so that gave me the guts to try it. He never called. It’s been 4 days already. Did I misread him? He didn’t do this with other customers. I thought I would feel better knowing his level of interest now I just feel worse.

Why would a guy give that kind of attention if he is not even interested? If you give a guy your number what does he think? At least I can appreciate now how guys feel waiting for a call. The worst part is it ruined my fantasy about the guy who used to flirt with me. I don’t think I would give someone my number again. What do you think happened? 🙁

Karla in the UK”

Attraction and Interest Are NOT the Same

Is he interested in meHi Karla,

Many women mistake a man’s attraction as genuine interest, but these two things are NOT the same. Attraction means he likes to see you, likes to talk to you, likes to flirt too. These are all fun for him and for you as well.

You can certainly enjoy these interactions and you should. However, do not assume it means anything. Women often start to extrapolate or create meaning to what is happening.

Flirting is a playful, creative and fun way to interact with the opposite sex. When you flirt, you make it easy for men to approach you and get to know you.

But here’s the catch, if a man is interested, he will ask for your number. That still doesn’t guarantee he’ll call and ask you out. Even if a man calls, he still might not take that final step to get a date with you.

Why Do Men Act Interested?

There are so many reasons!

  • It’s fun
  • It helps pass the time at a boring job
  • They like to fantasize
  • They are friendly
  • If you flirt back it’s an ego boost
  • It feels good, etc.

Now, you gave him your number, taking that next step FOR him. I don’t recommend this, but it’s not horrible. You took a chance and it didn’t work out. So what?

Don’t be hard on yourself. The risk was small, so no harm done. Now you have insight into what it’s like for men to approach women and get shot down. A little compassion can go a long way.

Does He Like Me?

When you see a man who flirts with you regularly, it’s only natural to start wondering, “Does he like me?” This is exciting to think about and women spend a lot of time pondering about this. Here’s the truest, yet simplest four-part test to figure out if he’s interested:

  1. Does he ask for your number or email to contact you?
  2. Does he ask you out?
  3. Did he make a specific date, time and place for that date?
  4. Does he call after to ask you out again?

Is He Serious about Me?

is he interested in me The four questions above don’t quite cover everything to determine whether or not a man is serious about you. That takes time to discover. If a man continues to call, text and set up dates for more than three months, you have moved into the early stages of a relationship.

One thing is for sure, if a man doesn’t get your number, doesn’t ask you out but keeps flirting, he is attracted, but not seriously interested.

Men know exactly how to take things to the next level. So, if a man is not asking you out, he has a REASON for that. Trust his lack of action as a sign he IS NOT INTERESTED IN MORE – WITH YOU or maybe any woman.

Another possibility is that your flirty friend already has a woman, but still enjoys flirting. No harm done as long as he’s not trying to make his girlfriend or wife jealous and doesn’t take steps to cross any lines.

How to Know He’s NOT Interested

Last but not least, if you are flirting, texting or talking to a man over time and he doesn’t do what is necessary to make it clear he’s interested, that is a clear message right there – he’s NOT interested.

A man who is into you will not want to leave you wondering. He’ll do what he can to win you over and make sure you are all his.

In other words, if you are confused about what he is up to and “if he is interested in me,” that right there tells you he’s NOT.

Let it be that simple because 99.99% of the time it really is. Stop reading into his flirtatious behavior and just take it as light-hearted fun. Then go out and meet some new guys.

Wishing you love,

is he interested in me

 

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

17 thoughts on “Is He Interested in Me? I Gave Him My Number But He Didn’t Call”

  1. Hey Ronnie,
    I met this guy while staying at an AirBnb. My friends and I rented one room and he had the other, after meeting him I was going to go hang with my friends but he hinted that he wanted me to stay and talk to him. So I told him I would after I catched up with my friends first. I went back to his room and we talked for a while , he kept asking me what my plans were after college because its my last year and suggested I come to the same city as him ( he’s a few years older). While we were talking he mentioned a few time he was tired but at the same time he made it seem like he didn’t want me to leave. He made a few comments about me being attractive and again kept suggesting I come to his city. After doing so, so many times I asked him for his number and we exchanged numbers. He texted me his name while I was with him, so I didn’t feel the need to respond. Eventually I told him goodnight and I was going to let him get some rest. The next day we didn’t see each other, I had a early flight that morning and had left. & he never texted me. I did enjoy being around him and was wondering if I should text him although it’s been months later.

    Reply
    • Hey Lorrie – Hate to say it but in this case when he said, “I’m tired” he meant – ‘Let’s go to bed”. He just wanted to sleep with you. But you didn’t go for it (congrats there girlfriend!) so there’s no need for him to text you. Don’t bother with long distance guys. On a super rare occasion it might turn into something IF the man keeps up and pursues you. That means he makes an effort to not only stay in touch but visit often. Otherwise is a nice diversion but a waste of time for long-term relationship. And this guy hasn’t texted once so why bother? Look for a local guy who actually demonstrates true interest – he’s not the one.

  2. Hi! I met this guy about 2 weeks ago at an event. I was shy so my friend went up to him and gave him my number( he knew it was for me- we kept making looks at each other the whole night) . I saw him at the end of the night, I was a little drunk, but conversation seemed like it went well. He told me that he would definitely text me and I haven’t heard from him… I go to his job for drinks sometimes and I wanted to give my number one more time, to maybe ease my mind. This way I can see if he actually isn’t interested at all or maybe he lost my number, was shy, etc. I don’t know what to do!

    Reply
    • Hi Shannon, please know I say this with kindness and caring but please don’t embarrass yourself like that. What will giving him your number again do except reinforce that you have a crush and he could easily have his way with you? That’s not the way to win a man’s heart. He has your number and didn’t use it! Let it go! There are other men.

    • Hi FJ, It seems obvious, but it’s not because to everyone .Often a man (or woman) seems interested so that’s why people get confused. But when you take a step back and think logically about it – you are right, absolutely!

  3. Hi, I met my girlfriend’s brother-in-law on New Years. We had chemistry and he asked for my number. I messaged him a couple of times and he replied back and was chatty but never initiated any communication. I have seen him a few times since at my friend’s house. On 4th of July he gave me a ride home after the party. Again I never heard from him. I’m getting mixed messages. He follows me on IG and likes all my posts. Now I started dating someone 6 weeks ago. Last night the guy texted me and I’m so confused. He asked me about a work trip and chatted a bit. Why did he take 9.5 months to text me and why did this happen now that I started dating someone? I really liked the chemistry we had, but I had given up and deleted his number. I had talked to my girlfriend and she told me he liked me a lot but had a lot of bad experiences being divorced twice and with dating.

    Reply
    • Hi Daisy, Ok here’s what happened. The brother-in-law isn’t ready to date so even though he likes you, he’s not taking any action. Then you find a boyfriend the energy of your dating traveled through the Universe to him. This can happen with any exes you may have as well. They some how just pick up on it and connect out of the blue. Unfortunately it means NOTHING because he still didn’t ask you out right? He was feeling lonely so he reached out to you and needs some healing but that is not your job. The hard, cold truth is he’s not sending mixed messages. He acts interested but is NOT taking action. That IS his clear message he’s not READY. So if you’ve got a decent guy you’re dating now – stick with him!

  4. Rennie.
    this guy approached me and asked for my numbers and I said he’d rather give me his and he did. the following day I called him and he seem interested and we took it to whatsapp, we talked about meeting the following day and it was a done deal. on the following day he never contacted or asked if I’m still keen and now I’m wondering he wants me or what? plz help

    Reply
    • Hi Yassy, Did you pick a place and set a day and time? If you did – show up. Try not to contact a new guy every day when he doesn’t know you yet. It’s too high of an expectation. Now if the time has passed and he never did get in touch, then he’s not interested. Even though he seemed interested before his actions let you know he’s not really into it – who knows why. Since he doesn’t know you, it could be a million other reasons so don’t take it personally

  5. I think Ronnie that you are just not getting the idea that introverted men who are very shy around women need to be thrown a bone. You cannot treat these men like Alpha Male dogs who love the chase….almost to the point of being psychopaths. I don’t feel there is anything wrong (I have done it myself) with a gal writing her name down with her mobile phone and saying, “Maybe we should get together sometime for coffee? Call me.” If the guy doesn’t call, yes, he’s not interested, and you move on. By giving him the number and the name, you CLEARLY indicate interest, but you also put the ball in his court. Guys who are introverts are often so terrified around women that they just go brainless. As one male friend said to me, “I want to ask the lady out, but I must know she is absolutely, 99% interested or I just won’t bite.” I have three girlfriends who are married. Two made it “really” obvious, and the other actually asked him out. All three men are not Alphas. I feel you need to be careful with hard and fast rules. All men are different, and I fear too many ladies in the dating game are missing out on great matches by playing this “I’m gonna play as hard as I can get with this sucker.” It doesn’t work with introverts.

    Reply
    • Hi Gail – Sure you can give a guy your number and if he’s shy, now he’s got a sure thing. But from that point forward you need to let him lead. My advice comes from so many women who take the lead and chase men, then feel devastated when the men don’t reciprocate or initiate anything. So, for women who don’t want an alpha male, yes a beta man might need more reassurance. That is the EXACT purpose of flirting! Body language is anything but sophisticated and everyone gets it because its instinctual, not intellectual. I think it’s funny that you talk about men going “brainless or numb” yet seem offended by my advice. All rules can be broken, but knowing them provides common sense guidelines that work for the vast majority of people and situations.

  6. I’ve got a crazy story… Last January I moved to Berlin and started to go to a certain library, every day from 10 a.m. till 8 p.m. At the end of January a guy (who works there) started looking at me…and kept looking at me for more than a year (till August). Then I decided to start living my life outside that library. Before I left that , I gave him my number. I thought maybe he’d be happy about that since he’s been “playing” with me hiding the dvd that every evening I used to choose. I’ve heard him talking about me with his colleagues (he thought that I couldn’t understand what they were saying but actually I did). Now it’s been a month and he’s still quiet. What does that mean? Was he just playing? Also, I stopped going to the library a month ago and I thought that would have helped but nope… nothing… Help! ?

    Reply
    • Hi Manuela, A man can find you attractive, look at you, flirt and talk about you without wanting to date you. Attraction is not enough and doesn’t mean anything. He has to WANT a relationship. And he might flirt with you even if he’s in a relationship simply because it’s entertaining. A man’s interest in you or attraction to you doesn’t indicate anything more than that.

      I think you did the right thing giving him your number because now you know he doesn’t want to date you. If he did, he would have called and asked you out. So the good news is you don’t have to wonder any longer. He might be in a relationship or just not want one. Or maybe he was curious as to why you spent 10 hours a day at the library. Whatever it was, he’s not your man so it’s time to meet some new men if you want to find love. Read this post to learn more about flirting and men.

  7. I met this guy back in 98-99 we have been seeing each other for18 years he lives with his ex wife and he tells me don’t worry about her but I still do what is she capleble of doing he really likes me a lot a whole lot I like him a whole lot I’d like to date him but other people have gotten in the way of things by saying things to me

    Reply
    • Hi Tara, Did you ever do a google search to see if he’s really divorced? Your state will have a record of his divorce decree if he really is divorced. That’s a long time to see a man who lives with his “ex” wife. I’m not sure what to tell you at this point. I would think you deserve to be with a man who is all yours – not living with another woman for ANY reason.

  8. Great to know why some men just don’t bother to continue their skirt-chasing efforts! Sometimes, women should not focus too much on rejection as some men might just not be ready for a serious relationship and once a woman catches on with too much seriousness, they are ready to take off and bolt out of the nearest exit. My two cents worth as an author of dating books.

    Reply

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