How Men Think: Do Men Play Sick to Avoid You?

How men think can be quite perplexing. If you have dated a man who early on cancels a date due to feeling poorly, keep reading to find out what that’s about.

how men thinkUnderstanding Men and How They Think

Maybe this has happened to you. You go on a date or two with a great guy. He’s funny, seems like a great catch and appears to be interested. You’re excited to get to know him. He sets up the next date and then…cancels because he’s under the weather.

Then a strange thing happens…he slowly stops texting, calling and disappears without further explanation. And you are left wondering what the heck happened. How could this be? Didn’t you just have a great date or two? You could tell he enjoyed himself right? So what’s the deal?

You find yourself wondering how men think and what is going on. You question how men communicate. Why did he change his mind? Could you have done anything wrong that pushed him away? Would he fake being sick – that seems so strange doesn’t it?

Maybe you start asking friends what they think and gathering opinions. Or you read blog posts and seek experts for answers. So as a dating coach for women and expert, let me share what could be going on behind the scenes.

So let me address this and open your eyes. Would a man feign illness to get out of seeing you again? Yes, absolutely. Even though it seems hard to believe, this is just one of the many ways men rely on to slink away when they feel done and don’t want to continue dating you.

Examples of the Illness Excuse

Example #1 – Sally

One of my clients, Sally, who is 54 and divorced, met a guy online. They emailed a few times and then switched to phone calls. Over the one week period, they spoke several times for hours. Sally had to cut things short because Dave was a talker. She didn’t mind; in fact Sally really enjoyed these conversations.

Finally, their first date arrived and everything went really well. They had such great rapport after all those chats. Appetizers became dinner and then they decided to go back to his house. This was the first night of 10 consecutive dates that made Sally’s head spin and her feet leave the floor. She was floating on air and wondering how this whirlwind love could be happening to her.

Day 11, Dave gave her the heart-shattering news that he was ill and had a dismal diagnosis. At this point, Dave explained how he had to sadly put a stop to things so he could focus on his medical condition. He said he had to cut things off completely – it was the only way. Sally was emotionally devastated for two massive reasons:

  1. She was concerned about Dave’s situation which sounded serious
  2. She was brokenhearted to think her love story was coming to an end

She reached out to him by text for several days, offering support. She sent him notes and a little gift, hoping to entice him into communication. She got nowhere. Sally was incredibly sad and honestly a little frustrated and confused. How could he just cut her off cold turkey like that? Didn’t he want support and someone loving to comfort him?

Well, maybe not.

Months later, Sally discovered that while Dave did have a medical situation, it wasn’t dire. But it sure was an excuse that she couldn’t argue with. So he used illness to get out of dating her.

Example #2 Tricia

Tricia, who is 42 and never married, met Jason online and had a magical first date. He asked her out again and on the second date, she felt such a strong connection, she decided to go for it and sleep with him. He stayed the night (which was really wonderful by the way) and then in the morning said he didn’t feel well. Maybe it was something he ate, but he had to rush home.

Tricia checked in with him over the next few days and was surprised that he didn’t engage much with her. In fact, the texting dwindled down to no response at all in just two days. She wanted to know what that was about. Was he really sick or did she do something wrong that turned him off?

In both of these cases, my dating coaching clients were left wondering about how men think. These women did nothing wrong. Here is the difficult truth:

Dave and Jason enjoyed the romance and
connection too. They just didn’t have
the same desire to keep it going long-term.

The “I’m sick” excuse is similar to the “I’m too busy at work to see you” excuse and the ever popular “I’m traveling so I can’t see you” excuse. If you hear your date talk about not feeling well, he might be sick, or he might be on his way to ghosting you. Pay attention because this might be a sign things are over.

How Men Think about This Excuse

Now, I’m not saying anytime a man says he’s sick that he’s lying to you. That would be ridiculous. But look at why he might choose to say this if he doesn’t want to see you again. As a polite and kind-hearted woman, you would never dream of forcing the issue when a man is sick.

So you won’t argue or plead and ask too many questions. You offer sympathy and drop it because that is the appropriate response to someone not feeling well. Can you see how great this works from the man’s point of view? He’s counting on your kindness and knows this is the perfect excuse and “get out of jail free” card to not to see you that night or make a quick exit.

Then he can disappear knowing you won’t push it too much because…you feel bad for him since he must be really sick. Otherwise he’d reconnect right? You’ve got to admit its a brilliant strategy don’t you think?

What Can You Do to Safeguard Your Heart?

Are you the type of woman who gets attached quickly? If that’s the case, don’t sleep with men right away! If your heart will break when the guy doesn’t call again, hold off until he proves his interest consistently for several weeks and dates.

This dating advice is all about guarding your heart. When you date with your head first and not your heart, you will save yourself from unbearable heartbreak time and time again. The good guys don’t care so much if you sleep with them quickly. If a guy likes you, he likes you. Trouble is there is no way to know how a man thinks before you sleep with him. That’s why the best solution is to hold off until he proves himself worthy.


44 responses on “How Men Think: Do Men Play Sick to Avoid You?

  1. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Katherine, Having a cold saved you from sleeping with this guy on the first date! In this case, it’s too soon to tell if he’s trying to ditch you. If he doesn’t ask you out in the next week, you will know he’s moving on. I would caution you stay out of the home before you know a man better just for safety. it might seem old fashioned but better safe than sorry. And if you want to know if a man will stick around, hold off on intimacy.

  2. Katherine

    Hi Ronnie, I met this guy online about 3 weeks ago. Since matching, we have texted all day every day—initiated by him. I’m not a big texter. We went out to drinks, then he came over to my place to watch a movie. When he came over, I was getting over a cold, and so we didn’t kiss or anything. Just cuddled. A few days later, he took me to dinner—drove, paid, everything. We finally kissed for quite a while to the point where we laughed as he was leaving because we couldn’t stop ourselves. Since, he’s texted every day, but today (2 days since last date), I asked if he wanted to hang out and he said he was coming down with a cold. To be fair, he’d mentioned earlier that he’d taken nyquil the night before, but I figured it was just to help with sleep. I’m getting nervous—is he lying and trying to make a run for it or did I give him the cold I had the week before? He said we should do it another night, but for a lot of men, that means “see ya never”. I don’t know what to think! Am I overthinking it?

  3. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Hannah, This is the hardest part of dating – the waiting. I’d give him to this weekend. If he’s not texting regularly again and scheduling a date something happened on his end that changed his mind about you. It most likely had NOTHING to do with you, so don’t waste time taking it personally if he does disappear. Just get back out there and meet some new men.

    Here’s my insight for you – Date more than one man at a time when you are in the early “get to know you” phase before you agree to be exclusive. You never know which man will call again, so this is how you hedge your bets. When you have a few contenders, hopefully one of them will stick. But when you narrow your options prematurely, focusing on one man, you get attached before he’s fully vetted as being “the one”.Then you have have to get over him. When you date a few guys, you don’t get attached as quickly, so it saves heartache and recovery time. Hopefully he’ll schedule soon!

  4. Hannah

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’ve been out with a lovely man 4 times in a month and we’ve been in contact for 6 weeks. Our 5th date was suppose to be this past Sat, but he canceled last minute stating he woke up ill and he’d feel better for our date. I know people get sick, but it set alarm bells off in my head. I asked if he needed anything and said he wanted to hibernate. He was apologetic and offered to call me later but I said he should sleep and to not worry about it. I texted the next day wishing he’d feel better and he replied thank you, that he’s feeling worse, and hopes by Sunday is well. Typically we have lively texting throughout most days. So far, he hasn’t demonstrated I shouldn’t trust his word, and I’m trying hard until it’s clear he does not deserve it. My question is how much time do I give him to recuperate before it become suspicious that he hasn’t rescheduled with me? Any other insights would be deeply appreciated.

  5. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Geneva, Sorry to hear you are confused and depressed. I can help with the confusion. Seems like your boyfriend is pulling away and using the flu as his excuse. More importantly, this is a problem because of your long distance relationship. I know you have invested two years and this may be hard to deal with, but your relationship is pure fantasy. How can he be your boyfriend if you’ve never met? He could be married, older than he says, or any other of a million lies you can’t know because you’ve never met him. Please read these two posts on long distance relationships which will explain a lot about why this is a problem. Stop hoping for this man to be your boyfriend and look please locally if you want real love.

  6. Geneva

    Hi, I also have a boyfriend from online, though we never met. He seems to be a nice guy and we talked and videocall everyday for almost 2 years! Few months ago he acted strangely and always seems to be irritated by me, but then goes back to his normal attitude. Always reaching out for me, but then a week ago he developed a flu that has been going for a week and he even sent me of his arm having an IV drip. It’s been a week now and I haven’t heard from him – not even a text. What is this!? I’m so confused and depressed right now.

  7. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Dara,

    If he’s been feeling under the weather for six weeks, that would make anyone anti-social. Sometimes you like each other but life gets in the way. I would leave him alone and if you really must, send him one funny text to cheer him up. But don’t expect anything. When he feels better he may get back in touch. Or he might just want to move on. Why not look for someone else to date in the mean time? It’s only been 6 weeks so you are free to keep looking if he’s not available.

  8. Dara

    Hello, I’ve been dating a guy for 6 weeks. Things have been going really well except since I met him he’s not felt well. He’s been to the doctor 3 times and they give him and antibiotic and send him on his way. I know he’s frustrated (he never gets sick for more than a few days) and he’s even cancelled a few dates because of this. I do not think he’s lying or making it up as this has been an issue since day 1& the topic and his symptoms come up regularly. Like anyone, he thought he’d be a lot better by now. He was supposed to host his family Thanksgiving and cancelled it. He’s been more distant with me lately and apologized for that & said he felt like crap and didn’t feel like conversing with anyone right now. I’m not sure if I should reach out or just let him contact me? He seemed genuinely interested but the insecure side of me is now wondering due to his lack of communication.

  9. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Alexa, I hate to say it but you’re not in a relationship – you’re still dating and the point of dating is to observe him to see if you’re a match. Clearly he is NOT the good guy you thought. He’s not sick – he’s ignoring you! Why question yourself when its so obvious? Texting a lot means nothing in terms of his feelings. He likes to text – it’s fun and requires no emotional investment and could be texting several women as you feared on your last date. Why bother with a guy far away? There are PLENTY of guys where you live. Look for love locally. Here’s how you know if a guy likes you: He sees you at least once a week, calls weekly to get to know you, texts some, keeps his word, treats you well, shows interest in your life and is consistent. Anything else is probably casual or he’s not that into you.

  10. Alexa

    I dated this guy for a month and he was great, but he never had time for me. We live 3 hours apart, so I planned a weekend with him. After 2 hours with him, he disappeared with a friends saying he had errands to run. I broke up with him that day. A few weeks later we worked things out, got back together and planned another date. Everything went well but he kept getting texts throughout the date and claimed it was work and he even showed me some of the texts, so I believed him. The next morning he texted me but it was brief and I kept texting him but he stopped and hours went by. I called him and we talked, then he said he wasn’t feeling well that one of his cousins had got him sick. Later that night I texted and no reply – I know he was awake (social media) he was straight up ignoring me so is an act or if he’s really sick HELP!?

  11. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Daisy, I know this feels crummy. Two things – first you mention the “connection” but there’s no disrespect to connection – that is not a thing. The idea of “connection” often gets women into trouble emotionally because they often base decisions on this concept. Unfortunately, a strong connection is like good chemistry – its fun but doesn’t indicate anything lasting. Second, he’s already avoiding you so why reach out again? It won’t change anything. You know where you stand if you are honest with yourself – he’s no longer interested and we’ll never know why. I know it’s not easy, but the best thing you can do for your own dignity is walk away with your head held high. He is childish, and afraid of confrontation. Focus on that aspect of who he is as a man and you won’t miss him. Who needs a man like that? Not you nor any woman! It didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find a better man – one who is ready for the kind of relationship you want.

  12. daisy

    Hi, I met a guy online and we dated for 6 weeks and agreed to be exclusive whilst exploring relationship. Then we had sex. I met his work friends and we saw each other 2 to 3 times a week since we met. Now it’s been 10 days. After texting me once or twice a day he dropped contact for two days and then told me he had a fever so we didn’t keep our weekend plans. I can’t believe a 47 year old man would feign illness to get out of a date when we had a connection. Why not just say his feelings had changed? It feels crummy. I checked in today to see how he is feeling and if he needed anything but so far haven’t heard anything. I think I’m going to leave it, but it feels so disrespectful to the connection to disappear – not to mention emotionally immature. What is your view on at least calling him out and saying in a non-aggressive way – Hi I know you’ve been sick but we haven’t seen each other for a while now so I’m just checking in to see how you’re feeling and where we stand?

  13. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Diana,
    First of all you are not in a relationship because you know a man for three days. Second this guy just was hoping to have sex with you – a quality man doesn’t talk like this to a woman he just met and doesn’t discuss his adventures with other women. That is how a player speaks and he was hoping you’d be up for it. But something tells him you are not into “adventures” so he has pulled back. Don’t chase him by continuing to text. If a man like his hasn’t replied, count yourself as lucky! He won’t be sleeping with you, never calling again and breaking your heart. Be smart, block his number and move on. He’s not “The One”.

  14. Diana

    Hello , so I met a guy on a dating site,I took the first step,then he took and invited me for a date.We met,he is handsome,good height good age too,but he was saying he met many girls on this site and had plenty of adventures,he said he had sex with many and dated many girls shy like me.anyway after I reached home he messaged me asking how much he has to wait for having sex with me,told him after 2 or 3 dates.He never preferred to talk by voice,he wanted to communicate only by typing. He had holiday he said,so he went out to enjoy with his friends and could not reply on time my messages.I had patience with him and today we again were supposed to have a date,but he messaged me after i was waiting for him there for 20mins,that he is sick,and this time he neither picked up my phone,nor messaged anything.He is not active on facebook so i don’t know,is he lying,is he into me ? The last message i sent to him was :i FEEL u r no more interested in me,as u don’t reply me back”
    please help ( and only 3 days of relationship had)

  15. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Brandi, If you liked this guy, and he asked to see you, why did you wait 3 days to respond? You already had 4 dates, why do that? I don’t believe in playing games – he probably thought YOU weren’t interested. I”m not sure how you fix this. By the way, texting is meaningless so don’t base anything on that. It doesn’t mean a man likes you – all those sweet things he said were just words. At the start of dating a new guy, watch his ACTIONS – what he does to win you over. How often he wants to see you or talk to you? These are the things that matter. So if he takes too long to respond – stop texting him! If he reaches out to you, then you’ll know he’s still interested.

  16. Brandi

    I’m facing something similar. The guy I’m talking to or hanging out with is becoming more distant. We slept together on the 4th date and afterwards he was still checking on me and asking to hangout/go out. He even offered to help pay for a new phone when it was lost! He’d say things like “I miss you” “Thinking if you” but I wouldn’t really say it back because i didn’t know if he was serious. He even invited me to go to a concert with his sister. He asked me to come over a few days later and I never responded until 3 days later. Since then, he’s hasn’t really been asking me out again and now he rarely ask many questions but he’ll respond. He’s kind of a bad texted- always has been. I used to have to wait 3-6 hours go his response back but not it takes him 3-12 hours! Is he no longer interested? I wanted to invited him over for dinner next week :/

  17. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Shirley, It is sad. Sorry this happened to you. Please know that texting without meeting or dates has no meaning and doens’t indicate a man’s genuine interest. He may be bored, lonely or or feeding his ego. But he’s not serious about you. Try not to get attached to men you text and don’t text longer than 7 days without meeting him to avoid men who will just waste your time.

  18. Shirley

    Hi well my story goes like this, I met a guy on Christian Mingle, I didn’t want to talk to him at first but he eased his self in to my mind by tell me all type of sweet things. I’m a divorcee he said he was too I have three children he has four we text so much at first then he says today which is May 2nd I text him “I haven’t heard from you is everything okay and he tells me he was sick”. Now I know if a man really do like you he would still text you no matter if he’s sick or not. The sad thing is I kind of fell for him and told him that the times we talked put a smile on my face and I don’t know if that scared him away but it’s kind of sad.

  19. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hey Megan, Anyone can have a headache, but sounds to me like he is pulling away. it happens. Sometimes feelings change. Don’t push – that will not make him come back. Leave him alone and if he really he misses you, he’ll come back on his own.

  20. Megan

    My boyfriend and I have been pretty close for a while now. Starting last week, he’s been barely talking to me. Him and I usually text each other all the time during the day but now, he barely ever texts me. Recently he has said his head hurts and looking at his phone screen makes it worse. I don’t know if I should believe him or if he is just making up an excuse not to text me. Please help!

  21. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kathy, If he’s actually sick, he may need your help him so offer that. If he’s just avoiding you nothing much will turn things around EXCEPT – STOP CONTACTING HIM. If he’s interested in you, he’ll wonder what happened to you and reach out. And if he doesn’t reach out, isn’t that all you really need to know? Are you the one keeping this thing alive all by yourself? Doing NOTHING is the fastest way to find that out. You cannot make a man do anything and sorry to say, trying to get him to talk about it so you can understand will not work.

  22. Cathy Daley

    I’ve been seeing a man for about 6. Years. Lately he’s been canceling at the last minute with an illness what’s the best way to approach this with him

  23. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Sally seriously? He 1000s of miles away and giving you excuses like work and illness. He threw you out of his house? Who needs this jerk? Block his ass on your phone and move on. I think you deserve to be treated better. If you believe that too, then stop putting up with his excuses [or anone’s] right now.

  24. Sally

    So a guy I previously dated has been reaching out to me and we’ve been texting back and forth. Unfortunately we live thousands of miles apart and our last encounter was pretty horrific involving him throwing me out of his house. Now, because of the distance we are trying to reconnect via phone and text. He already has the work long hours excuse going on repeat. But 50% of the time when we plan to talk in the phone, he claims to be ill, that he’s lost his voice and all of a sudden needs to go to bed as soon as he gets home. I even called him out on it, and said, you sure do seem to get sick often. To which his response was, work stress. I’m almost positive, he’s sleeping with other women, right??

  25. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jen, How can I say with any sense of accuracy if he is lying? The point of dating is to observe a man’s behavior over time. Three dates is not enough to know anything or really expect much. This is the problem with long distance relationships. You have been connected for 3 months but have had only three dates. I’m sorry I cannot tell you more but I would say that this is a hard way to have a relationship. Aern’t there any nice guys in Canada?

  26. jen

    so i met a guy online from the states and i am in Canada we met three times in the last month which has been amazing . i really like him but here the problem i met up with him this week and end up messing around with him as we been talking for three months now and met a few times . i am a shy women so didn’t sure if got turn off but me as i am shy at first when i am with someone new for the first time. he seemed to like me a lot he told me he was going to hang out all weekend so i took the weekend off .then today he is saying he is sick and still at the hotel i told him i will come see him and he said i am just going to relax and he didnt want me to get sick . do you think he is lying . by the way messing around was messing around no sex

  27. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Junior – This man is stringing you along. He says he likes you but he’s full of excuses. He’s too busy to see you. He plays sick to avoid you. What does this mean? HE’S NOT INTO YOU! Any man with serious interest does NOT make excuses. Only on a rare occasion, but not time after time. Dump this guy and move on. If you wait around for him, you’ll end up heartbroken.

  28. JuNior

    Hi Ronnie. I know a guy online last October. He texted me almost everyday to tell me what he is up to. He really wanted to meet me despite his tight schedule. Finally we made a date on 2 months later. He looks attracted to me and I have good feeling about him too. After we had a second date and he told me he likes me and that I’m different from other girls. He asked me when will I get married and I said I don’t know.
    After he went back he texted me he really wanted to see me again. But he didnt text me for a few days. So I initiated texted him and he told me he is so busy. And his texts are less content then when he first started texted him. After a few days he told me he got a cold. I texted him to check if he is ok and remind him take medication. Till now it’s been a few days since he sick and he didn’t text me. I’m wondering if he suddenly turn off or he found another girl.
    I really like him. Please tell me what should I do? Should I initiate text to check if he is recovered?

  29. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Janet, you are right it is frustrating. Your job is to not get too attached so you don’t get very disappointed. It’s not an easy job but it sure will serve you well. I recommend the attitude of “Positive Neutrality”. Enjoy your exchanges, but don’t get your hopes up that a man might be the one for several weeks and dates. After 6 dates a man has shown some consistent effort in his pursuit of you and things might be looking good. But you still can’t relax until you have an agreement of exclusivity and are no longer seeing others. As best you can, keep feelings from getting too strong. One good way to do that is date several guys at once.

    You might also want to read my post about long distance relationships.

  30. Janet

    Hi Ronnie! Well this very situation is unfolding as we speak. I met a guy online and went through the usual dating process-messaging, text, phone calls. We live about 100 miles from each other and our schedules conflict but we managed to make it our first date. He was a gentleman and did not try to jump into my pants. Since then we have texted and talked on the phone a bit. He always is great about texting me back, pays attention to even little things I’ve mentioned about myself. Well it’s been 2 weeks since that first date and he was supposed to come down this week but developed an illness over the weekend. I’m a nurse so I have a little more knowledge than the usual gal. And all his symptoms do not add up. So I expect the ghosting to start soon. It’s frustrating and time consuming!

  31. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jacky – Thanks for sharing your story. There are good men online mixed in with some not so good men. That’s just like it would be any where you meet guys. So don’t be put off by that. Sorry he wasn’t the one but, that’s a normal part of dating. There are enough honest, decent men out there to keep dating until you find the one.

  32. Jacky

    Thanks Ronnie. I’m seeing a guy for the last two months, lots of kissing and flirting no sex. He actually told me that he was enjoying our connection very much and that sex would happen organically and that he would wait! Great, I’m thinking only to discover him back on POF hitting on one or two of my friends!!!! ??. Ladies be careful with your hearts!!!! Maybe online dating isn’t the place to meet dudes… maybe I should join a club… This guy I’m telling you about just rang me now to cancel our date ( I was treating him to a movie as he brought me to a lovely concert a few weeks ago) he said he was ‘sick’….. I knew he had been to the doctor today with a chest infection but I ain’t buying it!!! He said he’d ‘make it up to me’… time will tell!! Thank you Ronnie I love what you have to say!!!!

  33. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Jacky, In this situation the key is this word you used- eventually. Some men are who they are and they are just getting their own needs met. As a woman looking for lasting love, don’t rush into sex or anything. Take your time to vet a man. Wait longer than three dates to become intimate and decide he’s “The One”. If he’s truly interested, he’ll wait and work to win you over. This safeguards your heart as you get to know a man better. Use your head and not just your heart or chemistry to discover if he’s the right man for you. Neither of the women in this post waited long enough to find out the kind of man they were dating. I’m not blaming the women here – I’m just saying waiting can make a big difference as a man shows his true colors.

  34. Jacky

    Oh I’m so angry for Sherry!!! She did everything right and held off on sex until she felt that they had bonded. Ronnie, what can we do when we conduct ourselves with grace and dignity and we eventually let our guard down after a period of time with a guy… Why are guys such jerks? Can you answer me this? My blood truly boils for the lovely Sally. She did everything just right. Are men not to be trusted ever and then they reproach us ( men) for having our guard up.. wtf?

  35. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Sherry,

    Wow that is strange. Women have this nurturing side so we always rush to help. But I agree this seems fishy. I’m sorry this happened. But I can tell you – asking him about it, trying to talk about etc. will not get you anywhere with him but more more aggravated. My dating advice is to back off and do nothing. Don’t offer to help and don’t check up on him. Leave the ball in his court and wait to see when he contacts you. If the days keep ticking by, then you know he changed his mind about you or an ex came back into his life. It stinks but that is the fastest way to know – because in this case, what he says will not matter – what he does is the only thing that counts.

  36. Sherry P.

    I met a guy online October 28th and our first date was November 5th. We saw each other every weekend and a couple times during the week after 6 weeks we slept together. He introduced me to his two teenage kids and Christmas Eve he took me to his cousin’s family gathering where I met his mother, cousins and aunts. Things were going well until the day before New Year’s Eve…he stated he was coming down with something. After work I met him at his home and I made him soup and we watched movies. New Years Eve he stated he was too tired and still sick and cancelled our plans however we video chatted at midnight and texted. Today he is still claiming to be sick. I asked if he needed anything and he stated ginger ale would be nice and to call him when I was en route as he was going to take some medicine that would make him drowsy. I told him it would be a couple of hours however when I was en route I called and texted but did t get an answer until an hour later apologizing however when I responded back asking if he was okay I got no response. He usually answers my messages within a couple of minutes. Is he really sick or is this goodbye?

  37. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Julie,
    If you agreed to friends with benefits, there’s no calling him out. There are no arrangements or strings attached. So I recommend gracefully letting him go. To get your stuff back, just contact him immediately and ask, “When can I stop by this week to pick up my things?” Keep it light and you won’t have any big scene, put him on alert or create any resistance on his part. That’s the very best thing you can do.

    FWB is a fun, short-term, non-emotional, sexual relationship. After 5 months, I’m sure you did get somewhat attached – few woman could resist. Sounds like you might want to re-evaluate getting into this type of thing again. It’s asking a lot of yourself not to allow feelings to grow. Maybe you want a real boyfriend? Be honest with yourself and then move forward from there as you look for future possibilities.

  38. Julie

    I have been having a FWB relationship for over 6 months, things were fun and amazing for the better part of 5 months. Suddenly his texts have dwindled and he has stated that he has not been feeling well the last couple times we have made tentative arrangements to meet up…I have the gut feeling I am being blown off, but am perplexed about my next move; do I call him out? Do I just let things go and wait to see if I hear from him? He has a few items of mine at his place that I kinda want back , like some expensive earrings

  39. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Kendra, good for you – dont’ be fooled by his lies. Sadly you can’t judge another person’s honesty by how you would conduct yourself. Clearly he is using illness as an excuse not to respond. Stop texting him and love on. He has nothing to offer you and you are wise enough to have figured this out.

  40. Kendra

    I started talking to a gut that I met online. He says he’s a project manager and works out of the country. He started emailing first. I would hear from him frequently, then he asked to text me. That’s when the silence began. I started texting him more and then I backed off. Then he would text wanting to know more about me and and if I was still on the dating site. I told him I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t hear from him again. Then I heard from him an thus tine I asked him the questions. He’d answer but all of a sudden say he had a headache and the flu. I thought to myself if you don’t feel well why start a conversation with someone? Please help. I am a nurse, if I was sick I would be upfront and honest. My gut feeling says this was the goodbye. You know, I get it fear makes you do s lot of things but being a fool I can’t be anymore.

  41. Ronnie Ann Ryan Post author

    Hi Annette,
    I think you are on to something – he changed his mind for some reason and is using illness as his excuse not to see you. I know this can be hard to hear and understand but attraction is not always enough. It’s not that he isn’t attracted but maybe he doesn’t want a relationship and he knows you do. Or he met another woman he likes better. Or he’s just looking for an ego boost so he says all that nice stuff to see how many women he can get to like him. None of it means he wants a girlfriend. This happens all the time and it stinks! But it’s so common. The best thing you can do is go meet some new men. After all, it was only one date. How attached can you be? There are plenty more men out and hopefully someone better who is a true gentleman and not just playing like one.

  42. Annette

    Hi Ronnie,

    I had a first date with a guy I met online. The date went well and he swept me off my feet. He was a gentlemen; pulled out my seat for me, held doors open, paid for meal and gave me a lift to the train station. He gave me vibes that he was into me. He joked about getting me Christmas gifts, kissed during the date and talked about meeting up again next weekend.

    The next day we spoke about how great the date was. By the end of the day he tells me he’s coming down with something. Monday he texts wishing me well but didn’t text me during the day like normal. When I finally got home he texts saying he spent his day in hospital sick and the doctor told him to rest for a week. I’ve messaged him wishing him well and called him to see how he is.

    Now a part of me believes this and another part thinks something changed and he doesn’t want to see me again. It’s so strange as there was so much attraction on the first date. How should I go about this? Do you think he’s not interested anymore? What should I do?

    Please help,

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