It’s not easy understanding men and how they think. This reader is confused about a guy she sees at the gym who doesn’t ask her out. I’m going to make this really simple to help with understanding how men think.
Decoding Men and Why They Don’t Ask You Out
Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,
I’ve been interested in a guy at the gym for 8 months. We see each other several times a week, working out at the same time. In fact, I’ve made it a point to coincide with him and thought for a long time he’d ask me out, but he hasn’t.
Recently things have “escalated”. We’ve discovered we have tons of things in common. We are a really good match. He admitted that he has strong feelings for me and is very much attracted. We text a lot, but he hasn’t asked me out.
Last week, he went on vacation and when back, some woman tagged him in FB photos. I’m guessing the two went together on this trip. In investigating, I found out she knows his parents and their children are friends. I suspect they are good friends possibly turned lovers?
He’s still been texting sweetly again, but since seeing those FB posts, I’ve avoided being at the gym with him, except for yesterday. Others told me he wanted to know why I wasn’t there – so I was missed. Maybe he’s seeing this woman at the same time?
Yes, I’ve fallen for him hard and find myself getting angry that he won’t ask me out. Since seeing those photos, I feel heart-broken. While I’ve continued to socialize with other guys, I hate that this has gone on so long and at this point, I feel I should make it a point to NOT be at the gym when he is.
My feelings are building and I think next chance I am just going to have to bring it all out and ask him about her & why he won’t ask me out. I really don’t think he’s the type to be hurting me on purpose. What else do I do at this point besides avoid him at the gym and what do I say when he asks why he no longer sees me there?
Please respond with your thoughts about what’s really going on and what I should do now.
Heartbroken in Houston
I”m so sorry to say you have fallen into this man’s trap, believing you are in a relationship when you have never been on a single date. Since this guy worked out at the gym with you and texted you, you took that to mean he was interested in more. But, he’s got a woman in his life as you discovered on Facebook. I know this might sound harsh, but he’s not seeing her too – he’s WITH HER and NOT you. If he was seeing you both, you’d be going on dates.
He finds you attractive, and enjoys flirting and texting, but since he has a girlfriend, he’s not going to ask you out. And he’s not a quality man because he told you he has strong feelings for you but has a girlfriend. This is dishonest and manipulative. He’s leading you on and he knows it.
While you say you’ve socialized with other men, this guy owns your heart. So the truth is, you haven’t really been open to other men, which is a shame.
I agree with you – don’t go to the gym when he’s there. If you talk to him about this, he may fess up or deny it, but either way, it doesn’t matter. He is not a quality man and as a result, not the right man for you .
It’s time to move on and open up to meeting other, better men. Avoid hanging on when a guy doesn’t ask you out. If a man flirts or texts for more than two weeks without a date, move on. If you have one or two dates and then he’s too busy to see you, move on. Don’t allow yourself to fall for any man who doesn’t take you out on real dates because that is a man who is not serious about getting into a relationship.
It’s time to learn about understanding how men think and the games they play. Sometimes a man is just doing the best he can to get his needs met, but other times like this case, a man is being underhanded and know it’s wrong.
You deserve to be with a man who pursues you, asks you out, takes you on dates, and spends time outside the gym. Join an online dating site and start dating again. The right man for you is out there. Learn everything you can about understanding men and decoding men so you don’t fall for this kind of player tactic again.
Wishing you love,